I’ve been hearing a lot of kind of cartoon-ey noises from my clients lately, especially now that tax day is approaching here in the States. As in: “Gak! Tax day! Gurgle! Blech! Koff! Ugh. Oy.”

Yep, everyone’s got issues and money is one of those things that will always set them off. It’s a button-pusher for sure. Maybe even the button-pusher. And to make it even more complicated, those issues aren’t just about money itself — they’re about your relationship to money.

I’m certainly not foolhardy enough to think that we can resolve this life-patterns stuff in an article or even in a workshop. But you can narrow your focus and work towards allowing little shifts. Thought shifts and action shifts. Little ones. The main thing is to constantly learn more about how you relate to yourself and to your stuff — every new piece of information means progress.

Think themes, not solutions

So, instead of examining this or that particular technique, it’s important to start by choosing a THEME to work on. For now, forget about working on how to make more money. Forget about working on how to be less stressed out about money or how to stop hiding in the closet when you think about money. Instead of working on your money stuff directly, just choose a concept or a theme to work on that’s related to the money stuff.

Is there a word that can stand in for the “thing” you need most right now? In other words, what is the quality that having it or understanding it or feeling it would make your relationship with money less problematic, sticky, uncomfortable, etc.

For example, stuff like . . .

FLOW, TRUST, ACCEPTANCE, RELEASE, GIVE & TAKE, SUPPORT, CLARITY, TRANSPARENCY, STABILITY, ENOUGH…

These are all things that you might want to be feeling, having more of, or incorporating into your life. Instead of tackling your money issues head-on (ow, ow, ow) or defaulting into avoidance-at-any-cost mode, choose a word. Choose one word you want to work on, and see what you can do to bring more of that word into your life.

Of course (you’re at least one step ahead of me), words are nothing without actions. We’ll still need some techniques for this, so: a look at two types of ways you can work on your theme: soft and hard.

“Soft” techniques (not just for hippies!)

The problem with a lot of the advice you get for dealing with money is that it’s so darned practical and “common sense-ey”, completely ignoring how scary and frustrating the subject can be. And because these how-to techniques don’t deal with the emotional stuff, they’re irrelevant to your underlying issues (and also really annoying).

It’s just not helpful when someone tells you: “Do the responsible thing and prepare your taxes ahead of time!” because . . . well, it just isn’t. I mean, how is that supposed to help you while you’re rolling on the floor tearing out your hair? It’s never helped me.

Don’t just barrel into the common sense stuff if it brings up your issues. Instead, choose “soft” techniques that work on the energy and emotional aspects of what you want to be working on.

Reminders, not affirmations
Don’t go too soft. I definitely don’t recommend the whole “I’m a gazillionaire, I’m a gazillionaire” school of forcing yourself to repeat things that aren’t true in the hopes that if you just believe them the universe will reward you. However, repeating reminders of what you want to be working on is a really powerful way to create focus, intention and peace of mind.

“I am ready to welcome stability into my life and my finances” is a nice reminder, as is “I choose to bring my attention to the numbers in my life, so I can get better at having clarity in everything I do.” If this is too cheesy for you, rephrase it so it sounds like something you might actually be willing to say.

Symbols, rituals, and all that fun stuff
In the yoga world, where I come from, you can talk about these things in terms of chakras. In this model, money is tied to the first and second chakras (grounding and flow, respectively).

Of course, you don’t have to “believe” in chakras or other energy models for them to be useful for you. It can just be a way to symbolically bring attention to the themes you want to work on.

So, if you want to work on symbolically bringing grounding, stability and support into your life, spend some time hanging out with your feet. Massage them, roll tennis balls under them, spread your toes and pay attention while you’re walking around. Use your focus on the feet as a way of symbolically drawing support from the earth and grounding into stability. And if you want to symbolically work on flow, dance dance dance. Take a shower, hang out near some water, plant some seeds, shake your hips and put on some music with a happy beat.

And then, because it’s not enough to just “cultivate a sacred relationship with the self” or whatever they’re calling it these days, bring on the “hard” techniques!

“Hard” techniques (not just for grown-ups and people who wear suits!)

Those of us who like to tackle problems through chanting stuff, casting spells or wearing our lucky socks sometimes have trouble with the whole logical, methodical, coming-up-with-a-plan side of things, but as it turns out, these skill sets are really useful too. All the smart, sensible action steps that you can take are “hard” (as opposed to soft) techniques. Stuff like …

Get a great accountant
Find someone who is together and on top of things, and also compassionate and non-judgmental. You’re choosing someone to be on your team so make sure you like them.

Take a course or get some financial coaching

• Conscious Bookkeeping is a great organization that is all about helping you make peace with your money issues.

• Mark Silver from Heart of Business does a lot of writing about these themes from both spiritual and business angles, and also has an Opening the Moneyflow program.

Have weekly money meetings
Get a friend or colleague to give you a tutorial in Quicken or Quickbooks, and spend 20 minutes each week hanging out with your finances.

Dec 31 is the new April 14: take the day off
Figure out how long it takes you to do taxes and then mark that time on your calendar for the end of December. Take a day or two off work, tell everyone else to go away and do your taxes then. Seriously, there is no greater feeling that waking up on New Year’s knowing that your taxes are done (as I discovered this year for the very first time). Oh, and take notes on the process so that you can start doing stuff right this year to make it easier next year.

The art of combining hard and soft (and an example)

When it comes to using techniques, you always want enough hard to balance out your soft. That’s just how it is–if you really want it to work you need both. Balance is important and not just in your accounts. It’s about head and heart. You want to involve the mental and the emotional, the physical and the spiritual, the practical and the wacky.

So when you choose your weapons (I mean, your non-violent techniques), it’s a good idea to always make sure you have some of both. For example, I have a morning money ritual that combines looking at the numbers (hard) with doing a short meditation on clarity and stability (soft).

It’s all practice

Yes, of course, even just learning about your relationship with money is complicated and fraught with, you know, stuff. For sure. Sometimes it’s better and sometimes it’s full of horribleness. It’s all part of your practice. There are days when you’ll feel invigorated and other times when you’re just going to need to roll around on the floor and throw some pillows, which is okay too.

This way your focus is no longer on solving the whole problem by this tax day or next tax day, it’s about being open to letting some of your money stuff shift and move. Which it will, because you’re working on it

Tax day hug from the duck for those who need it!