Right now it seems like most of my friends and clients are in various stages of that uncomfortable, unpleasant, overwhelming thing that is being completely burnt out.
Burnout. Ugh. Being in it is sucky and terrible.
We know that. From ridiculous amounts of experience.
And so, when it shows up AGAIN, we start guilting the hell out of ourselves about aaaaaagh how we could have let ourselves end up here again.* And that’s too bad.
Because important things happen when we get to a state of burnout.
That’s the thing. Burnout is important. Not even slightly fun. But important. And normal. And sometimes even useful.
* I can’t remember if I’ve written about this before, but “again” is one of the words our monsters like to use.
Things we forget about burnout.
Burnout is part of life.
You cannot learn where your limits are except by exceeding them.
We learn to recognize the edges by visiting them.
And those boundaries change. That’s part of being alive.
So every once in a while, even if you’re cautious and intelligent and have a conscious relationship with yourself and your stuff, you’re going to get burnt out.
Because you’ll be testing those edges and end up on the wrong side for a while, until you carve out recovery time.
That process of venturing out and coming back is part of being alive.
Burnout shows you what needs to happen for you to take care of yourself.
Not necessarily when you’re in it, of course.
Because being burnt out is just a horrible sensation. You can’t really think straight when you’re depleted. Everything gets an extra layer of fuzzy. Yuck.
But as you begin to make rest and recovery a priority, you collect information about how you got into this and how you’re getting out of it.
You file that stuff in the big Book of You. Add some more things to your dammit list. And then some more.
As I said to one of my friends the other day:
This is not the last time you’ll burn out, sweetie. But it’s the last time you’ll burn out like this.
Burnout leads to discovery.
These are my edges.
This is where I fall apart.
This is what I need.
This is how I protect myself.
This is how I treat myself with love.
This is what hurts.
This is what pulls me out of myself.
This is what returns me to myself.
Knowing what my internal space looks and feels like is sovereignty, and it helps me not care so much about what other people think.
Burnout is weirdly necessary.
Remember last year when I worked myself to the bone and then had to go on Emergency Vacation because if I didn’t stop everything right that second I was headed for a serious breakdown?
Remember Selma the Duck and the Big Day Off?
Remember when my arms went on strike because they needed me to work less? With those hilarious signs that said No More Pain!
None of that was fun.
Each of those things taught me incredibly useful things about capacity.
Everything I know about my capacity and what I need to do to respect it has come from those dark days of burnout.
Depression burnout. Crisis hair-on-fire burnout. Falling down tired burnout. I know them all.
And you can’t biggify without learning to respect your capacity. Because part of mindful biggification is being able to say no to things that don’t support you.
You first learn what those are through getting it wrong. Ow. File under: useful experience.
Bottom line. Or: how I approach the burnout thing.
Burnout is inevitable. So my approach to it can’t be just how to avoid it. It has to be about discovery:
As in:
What do I learn when I’m in it? And what personal and systems changes need to happen so that the next time it’s a different experience?
Because my goal is not to be done.
What I’m really working towards is this:
The next time you show up, Pattern of Burnout In My Life, I’m going to know more about you, recognize you sooner and be less impressed by the fact that you exist.
Not being so impressed with being in it is part of what makes it easier to deal with burnout. And it makes the getting out of it considerably more doable.
Comment zen for today …
Man. Burnout sucks. It just does.
So you’re allowed to hate it. I’m definitely not trying to convince you to appreciate it or feel all grateful for it or anything.
We’re always allowed to feel what we’re feeling. That’s a given.
In the meantime, we all have our stuff and we’re all working on our stuff. So we try to be understanding about that. Which means appreciating other people’s hard (and our own) and not giving unsolicited advice. Kiss!
postscript: Update on the Playground! The ceiling is painted. The stage is built. Phase Two of the fun-brewing to commence shortly. Thanks for all the love and well-wishing!
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Oh, yay, the Playground! Painted ceiling! Stage! More fun-brewing! I can’t wait to see.
Havi, would you take photos and share them with those of us who live in distant lands and can’t be there, just yet, to see your beautiful Playground grow?
As for burnout: I wonder, if we called it something else…like exploring at the tideline, like swimming out to a glowing coral reef…would we feel differently about it?
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … In the Center of my Crown… =-.
Huzzah for ceiling-painting!
I needed this.
I don’t know whether I’m burnt out or exhausted or depressed – probably a combination of all three, considering that I know I’m depressed and Naomi, of all people, keeps telling me to get some sleep – but I’ve felt like this for several years. But I have to keep pushing forward, because if I ever stop – if I ever take a vacation, or heck, take a day for myself – everything starts fraying, and the hounds baying at my heels get just a little closer.
I’m burnt out, generating oil as fast as I can to put into the lamp (it’s a weak metaphor, I’m afraid), and I don’t have time to stop and let my oil reserves replenish because the light has to keep burning and if I stop then the light goes out and I’m left – my family is left – in the dark.
The funny thing is, I think that’s why I feel like I’m never getting anything done. I’m too overwhelmed to process it.
But thank you for this. It’s reassuring to be reminded that there are places where I will be able to stop and replenish.
.-= Chris Anthony´s last post … What is delight? =-.
Burnout. Wow. Feeling it now. I’m taking an emergency vacation day on Monday, though I’m not sure it’ll be enough. There is just so much to learn, and so much to unpack here. Especially because, a couple of years ago, my mindset was all, “work harder sleep less why are you having trouble everybody else can do it with no problem what’s wrong with you.” Ouch. To all of that.
There’s also a lot of trust that needs to be cultivated, for me. Trust that I can take care of myself, climb back out of the burned-out state and still take care of all the things that need taking care of. Wow. It is such a process.
.-= Kylie´s last post … you’re perfect. just as you are. =-.
A single phrase hit me as I finished reading your blog today…
“I won’t be here forever”
It’s become one of those balanced truths that I constantly ponder in meditation. And today, I see the positive. Even in burnout, I can know for certain, that I won’t be here forever. Something can & will change even if I don’t know what it is. Eventually, something will change enough for me to loosen more of the stuck & make progress on my stuff [my thing!].
Although I’m not ready to biggify yet, I am comforted with the knowledge that I won’t be here forever.
thanks Havi.
I needed this post today, ( actually like 18 years ago right up thru today). But now I know it’s burn out, finding out is the first step right? or is that admitting it, either way I see it I only have 11 steps left till I am un-burned out. Thanks.
So interesting and true, that burning out is what leads to knowing your own capacity.
In my most recent episode of using up everything I had, I was aware of watching myself deplete. Of treating it as an experiment and seeing what would happen when. It had been a little while since I’d done it, and I was curious to see where the edges were. And sure enough, they are no longer where they used to be. My tolerance for misusing myself is lower, and my awareness of what constitutes misuse is greater.
.-= Amna´s last post … Weirdness as beauty mark and power source =-.
Thanks Havi, 🙂
Working on taking care of myself, pacing myself, finding out how much I can do, learning myself.
Ingrid
Lovely post. Burnout is like PMS for me – it whacks my perspective so much that I don’t know I’m burnt out (or in the middle of PMS). I was dragging around the house just this morning, putting off going to work and wondering why I was doing that.
Now I know! I’m in burnout, and it’s such a relief to figure that out, thank you very much indeed. And now I can move forward, still burned out but with perspective a bit less skewed, to figure out how I got here and what I can do about it.
I agree that it will come again in a different form, but I’d like to be alert enough to recognize that I’m burnt out earlier in the process, or, even better, see it coming down the road and detour around it.
.-= Valyn´s last post … ValynP: RT @OpenTravel: Thanks for the shout-out! RT @ggruber66: Glenn Gruber-Apple, Facebook, OpenTravel, Enabling Tour Operators http://bit.ly/9N =-.
I have been reminding myself that I am in the hard but the hard is not me a lot lately. Having the “hair on fire!” monster to help describe my state of mind to my loved ones has helped a lot too. So has coloring the monsters.
But still, I long for a moment in the eye of the storm, a chance to regroup and recoup.
Again, your timing is impeccable, and again thank you.
Just wrote out “We learn to recognize the edges by visiting them.” on a pretty pink 3×5 and put it above my desk. Thanks, Havi, for exploring the frontiers and reporting back.
.-= Megan´s last post … Earth Fair 2010 Photos | The Exploratorium – When a Cup is Not a Cup =-.
W000 for playground!!! <3
And -hugs- for all those in the hard of burnout.
.-= Rose´s last post … A Link Edition: Depression =-.
Burnout as a way to learn about our own sovereignty = brilliant!
Takes some of the sting out reaching that place, because I’ll know more for next time.
Riffing off of Hiro’s ideas for calling it something different, maybe I’ll try referring to it as Accelerated Sovereignty School. Although that definitely lacks the appeal of swimming to a coral reef. 🙂
(And I’m with Hiro – again! – on hoping you’ll post some pictures of your beautiful Playground soon!)
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Returning to Flow =-.
That’s a really, really brilliant way of putting it. I am going to sit with it and turn it over and see what’s going on inside me about it. Huh.
Blake said “You never know if you’ve had enough until you’ve had too much.”
I like comment of not being so impressed by burnout. Because burn-out can feel so overwhelming. So- “I will never be un-depleted again.”
I think this is an ancestral memory of having a life of perpetual exhaustion. We remember that on some deep level. That may be why burn-out feels so scary sometimes.
Maybe. 🙂
.-= Bridget´s last post … Tonglen: Getting the Small-T Truth Out =-.
This part:
The next time you show up, Pattern of Burnout In My Life, I’m going to know more about you, recognize you sooner and be less impressed by the fact that you exist.
is so very helpful. For me, I take out Burnout and put in my own pattern, but wow, that’s just such a succinct and perfect way of talking to the pattern. Thank you.
Also, hooray for ceiling painting and stage-building and general Playground evolution. Hooray!
.-= Darcy´s last post … Shuttles and bobbins and yarn, oh my! =-.
Hey Havi, you’ve got some real interesting thoughts here. I’ll definitely check your blog with more frequency because I love outside the box people and you seem one of them :D.
I reckon learning to see those darker aspects of life as just parts of the journey that are needed is a huge side of personal growth. It’s difficult and when you are there you won’t see them like that, at all. However, with time comes perspective and experience, and you start noticing those patterns even before they happen.
What you are doing is telling people that burnout (definitely a dark side of life, though it’s no the darkest) is useful and it’s there for a reason. You also say how to take something from it instead of just telling people how to avoid it like everyone does (and like I did in one of my recent posts – http://www.adaptyourself.net/energy-management – lol). So thank you for showing us the other side of the coin.
Have fun anyway,
Iván.
I’ll cast another vote for a re-name. Maybe a job for Metaphor Mouse?
Although, Victoria’s suggestion: Accelerated Sovereignty School – *does* have an appropriate acronym.
.-= Patty K´s last post … 8 reasons why pajamas are my wardrobe of choice =-.
@Patty K – OMG I so wish I had noticed the acronym. It’s perfect for when *other people* test our boundaries. 🙂
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Returning to Flow =-.
Oh so timely. Oh so burned out. Oh so this is how figure out my boundaries!
I will have to print out “You cannot learn where your limits are except by exceeding them. ” as this seems to be the motto I live by! Now I understand why I keep pushing myself into burnout. It is all part of my growth. But, dang, it can be so overwhelming at times!
Hooray for ceiling painting!! I second the request for pictures as the odds of me ever getting to Portland in this lifetime are much less than slim to none!
Now where have I heard this conversation before . Hmmmmm??? (-:
Such a lovely post and a lovely take on how important it is, as always, to be compassionate no matter WHERE we find ourselves!!
Yes, yes, photos of the Playground!!! And my curiosity question is: where is it located??? I’m hoping that it’s in the Alberta district of Portland because that’s my favoritest Portland area of all! It’s like Berkeley was back in the 60’s and 70’s , which is my idea of heaven on earth.
Love and hugs,
Chris
.-= chris zydel´s last post … Why I Love Retreats or Where The “Other Me” Lives =-.
It never ceases to amaze me, the synchronicity of human experience; I’ve been going through a great deal of burn out myself, and was in fact taking a break from journaling (read, writing a pretend-post for my someday-blog) about the lessons to be learned… stopped by to see if I could find some inspiration (read, avoiding doing what I told myself I should be doing) and lo-and-behold! You’re writing about the exact thing that I’m currently struggling with… it would be creepy, except it’s pretty cool 🙂
The lesson my current burn out is teaching me is the power of NOT doing. I have a bad tendency (or have in the past!) of trying to just push my way through… it’s amazing just how ineffective that tends to be :/
Lately, I’ve been re-working my patterns, using those moments of almost-toppling-over-the-edge to remind myself to just go lay down, breathe, talk a walk… anything to take myself out of the moment and remember to SLOW DOWN.
I suppose the next step would be to recognize the pattern a little sooner, so that I can stop a little bit further from the edge THIS time than I did LAST time 😉
Thank you so much!
<3 Heidi
Burnout is you rescuing you from total disaster. While I’m confined to my bed, during really bad burnout (so bad I’m sick), I am forced to finally think about how I’m living. My body is telling me: if you’re not going to listen to me, I’m going to keep increasing the volume of the message (body aches, tiredness, headaches, etc) until you hear it. When I finally start listening, the message is always important.
Thanks, body, for not giving up on me.
Eric
.-= Eric Normand´s last post … Meditation: one little thing at a time =-.
Yes!
Firstly – I celebrate the painting of the Playground ceiling with you. I love nothing more than sharing in the celebrations of new playgrounds.
Secondly – you speak my language on ‘burnout’. I used to get hijacked by the “again!” monster, but now I see how I’m expanding my edges and learning more about the way I operate (more instructions for the Book of Me, I guess you would say).
Nice work Havi. Thank you.
.-= Marianne´s last post … The Beauty of Different =-.
yes! and i find this is so not just “burnout” but also from an exercise or fitness perspective. i’ve recently started barefoot running, and man, i burned out everything below my knee in my first run. all those muscles (esp the little ones) were not used to doing what i asked them to do, and i felt it for days: that achey oh-my-goodness-what-did-i-do-to-myself feeling.
but i DID learn a ton! it is so true that sometimes we really don’t know our edge or boundary until we charge right through.
and that’s a good thing, b/c it’s also how i get stronger, and smarter.
you’re right: i will burn out again, but not in the same way. yay 🙂
.-= Kim´s last post … The Virtue of Hills =-.
Thank you for this. It’s good to remember that the boundaries change, and that it’s okay for them to change; it’s all part of being human. Different doesn’t need to be better or worse — it’s just different.
All of this also seems related to the things I’ve been learning about how my energy shifts with my monthly cycles. Right now, I’m having a low-energy, high-need, intensely emotional week. I need to take extra good care of myself, and to be kind and patient with my own neediness. If I can get the people around me to help out a bit with all of that, then that’s a bonus — but in the end, it’s up to me.
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … The summer of my dissertation proposal =-.
this post comes along at a very opportune moment for me as my kids have been concerned about some recent mood swings – evidencing burnout to them, and for me just seeming like daily life.
the lesson i took from this was powerful. the kids helped me see my own burnout, the youngest wondering if perhaps i had some real life stressors complicated by bi-polar, me reading up on it and then finding the answer to my own questions right in your post.
i burned out this time – not again – because i never burn out in the same way twice particularly when i keep evolving my damnit list, my sovereignty and my book of you as you’ve taught me to do.
i burn out this time because i failed to trust myself and my ability to judge my own capacity and believe when i’ve exceeded it.
i don’t need a prescription, i need to take some notes on what works and what my triggers are that lead to this kind of thing and do my best to remember them when i can.
and when i can’t remember them – because i’m human and forgetful – i’ll burn out in another way and learn this or soemthing else as a result of my experience.
burnout isn’t inherently bad – mighty uncomfortable though for both myself and those that love me.
it’s when i retrace my steps to see how i got there that the learning happens and i can do a do-over, hopefully with myself and those who i love so much.
.-= Char Brooks´s last post … Depression Case Study: Patient Power At Work =-.
Ah yes, burnout. I went through one of those episodes about 5 years ago, triggered by a totally unexpected and undeserved shoe thrown at me. It was more of a boot, actually. Their stuff, not mine, but I did not know about that concept back then.
Anyway, my body went into total Inowanna Iguana mode and I was incapable of doing anything for a month or two. I was completely surprised by the non-functioning of my body (scary!), all the signs I had missed and the connection between state of mind and body. I’ve learned a lot in those days, even though I hated having to go through it at the time.
Since then I’ve been on the edge of burnout a few times, but I now know the signals and back out in time. It is true that the fine line between coping and burnout changes position, but the signals of nearing the boundary stay the same (for me, at least). Still learning about my capacities and what I need to function…
Wow. Lightbulb. Major lightbulb, as in the director in _The Truman Show_: “Cue the sun!” Nothing really articulate to add here, except more wow. Thank you.
.-= Lori Paximadis´s last post … storms! =-.
Fantastic post, thank you, Havi – great to read this today when I’m still stuck in my place of struggle, pain & exhaustion.
.-= Kirsty Hall´s last post … A Collection of Random Things =-.
I see “burnout” like “meltdown” — a chance to stop and witness what’s going on with you. A pause so you can feel the pain, pay attention.
That happened to me last night – a meltdown – and I thought about this blog post about burning out. And I let myself have the meltdown without stressing out about losing it completely, or having let things go unaddressed for so long that I had to burnout.
I guess it was just my heart’s way of saying, you’ve got to stop and listen for just a while now, and then you can go back on your (wiser) merry way.
So thanks for the reframing — it helped me in my moment of need last night!
.-= Dawn´s last post … Being Stationary =-.
Oh burnout, I love to hate you.
You’re right on about the learning piece. I’m thankful that I’ve finally learned to stop when I work myself into the ground (and nowadays, even just before that point! Gasp!) instead of hitting the ground exhausted… and then grabbing a shovel.
I went on emergency vacation at the end of 2008. It narrowly missed becoming went-catatonic-for-months at the end of 2008. Thank the spaghetti monster it didn’t.
Woo playground! So exciting.
.-= Shannon´s last post … Ask the Astrologer #5 – Learning to Deal =-.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
I am writing a 60,000- to 80,000-word piece within one week for workywork. Burnout? Yes. I am not melting down, just because I know I need to hold it together long enough to get to the end of the thing. I did have enough smarts last night to recognize that I was in extreme brain-fuzz and I put in the non-sucky yoga for the first time in a while. It was wonderful. I think I actually fell asleep in caterpillar. I was dreaming anyway…with my eyes open. It was very strange.
I feel like am too in the midst of the crazed to learn anything from it right now, BUT! I vow here and now to myself that as soon as this piece is written and done, I will do a post-writing-insanity checkup and see where I can go more right the next time it comes around.
Bookmarking this post. Printing it out. Carrying it around with me.
Thank you.
(also? yay for the playground!!)
.-= Emily´s last post … The Fiber Fulcrum – Shawls, Stoles, Scarves & Socks =-.
Wow, all the lessons I’ve learned from burnout!
I like your philosophy that it is going to happen, so we should learn to be “less impressed.” Awesome.
I felt the burnout “warning signs” earlier this month and started to put on the brakes–took 1/2 days to clean the house, another day to play with my son, a few evenings to read non-worky stuff. I think this is the first time in my life since I was, like 14 years old, that I listened to my body and mind and tried to take evasive action from the burnout. It wasn’t comfortable, but I knew I needed to do it avoid total collapse probably in about 4 weeks when my son is out of school for the summer and I won’t be able to just sit and recover.
That said, I could probably take a whole week off from work and feel even better, but don’t see that happening soon.
.-= Susan´s last post … Every BUSINESS has a Niche =-.
I’ve been in “Distracted Burnout” where I develop ADD and follow every bright and shiny new thing down an interesting rabbit hole in order to avoid doing the thing that’s burning me out.
I’ve been here for 18 months. I need to make a change, but the monsters are making all sorts of valid excuses for staying where I am. I hate Valid Monster Talk.
I’d love to just quit my job, or take the summer off. I want to be IRRESPONSIBLE. It sucks to be HERE as I have to start the biggest work project I’ve ever taken on in 20 years (or at least that’s how it feels). I have no energy for it–my life energy has literally been bleeding out of me.
I don’t know how to NOT be impressed by where I am, because I am SO impressed. And the inability to even get to that place of “whatever” makes the burnout worse.
So I trudge on.
.-= lynn@ human, being´s last post … On Crones and Monster Museums and Stews of Healing =-.
burnout is a big, giant gremlin for me–most of the time, and especially right now, as the school year draws to a close. and, just like marijuana is s’posed to be the gateway drug, burnout is my little gateway gremlin: like, through this emotion comes victimization, pain, fatigue and doubt. FEAR ME!!!
sorry. got a little bit too gremlin-centric there. so, i really loved the part at the end where you pointed out: hey, buddy: i’ve seen you around these parts before. so, i know you’re temporary, and i am just going to be a little less impressed with you.
my burnout gremlin is already slumping its shoulders a wee bit and muttering, well, i just wanted to *warn* you…
thanks havi!
Respect your capacity.
A cardinal rule for living, not just surviving.
Eyah!
.-= Elana´s last post … Run fat girl run =-.
Whew–thanks Havi. That’s where I am right now–wondering if any of this is worth it. The blog is slow in moving–probably my own failures of marketing—but overall, its just the yuckiness of feeling burnout. I need to build a bigger dammit list–I love that thought process–being true to yourself regardless of what “the experts” say.
Thanks for encouraging me today.
.-= Carl Creasman´s last post … Castaway =-.
Ohh.. yes! I know this place:
I just got back home from traveling for 7 months (which is not, despite what everyone seems to think, a vacation, damn it!) and I’m faced with the task of starting my life over. So.. not only am I readjusting to life back home after living in a completely different culture for a long while, I’m also:
– Trying to biggify my budding holistic health & transformation practice
– Looking for a part-time/flexible hours job to sustain myself while I biggify my thing
– Looking for a home that can hold me and support me the way I need
– Getting over my ex
– Making my physical presence relevant in my old friend’s lives again (after connecting online for a while, the space I held there before has shrunk)
So… Burn out. I feel it. And, you know what, despite the suck, I AM grateful for it.
.-= Melody´s last post … Nutrition: Dandelion Greens and Yam Stew =-.