So last week at Camp Biggification (which was amazing, by the way), I inflicted some serious Shiva Nata on everyone.
Epiphanies were had. Worlds were shaken. The usual.
And we took a lot of notes.
Here are some of my scribbled notes (the ones I’ve been able to decipher so far) in answers to questions I asked following the first round of mad neuron-connecting brain training.
Half the time I have no idea what I’m talking about, but I remember writing with astonishing certainty.
The questions didn’t necessarily make sense, but the answers were right there. Anyway, I thought you might find it interesting.
“What to I know about reflecting and reflections?”
It’s how I give, without having to give myself. Or give of myself.
It’s like the truth behind invisibility. That your work doesn’t have to be about you.
That there is safety in letting others see themselves through encountering you.
And, at the same time, there is power in visibility too because it inspires other people to do what they need to do.
And if you can teach the mechanics of hiding behind mirrors, everyone gets to be reflections.
Also: distinctions and discernment are related to this theme of reflecting. And that’s important.
Reflecting is the easiest way to teach.
“What gives me safety? What helps me feel safe?”
Boundaries that are clear and loving.
Taking time to prepare myself for being in the world.
Space. In the sense of room. And in the sense of time. And also visually.
Lots of white space.
Also knowing where I stand. But without being crammed in.
I don’t like it when people have expectations of me.
“What are some of the mirrors that I get to hide behind?”
Love.
I can mirror love.
I can see beautiful things. Potential. Possibility.
Process too. I can mirror a process by being in it.
Mirror = [+ reflection] [+ magic] [+ transmission] [+ transition]
It is also a form of invisibility.
“What is missing?”
Time.
I don’t know if this means that need to allow time for a necessary gestation period that I’m avoiding.
Or if it means I have to put aside time for a thing. Like going off and hiding in a cave.
Is this just my thing about oh no there’s no time when actually there is time?
No. There’s something here about using time differently, relating to time differently, changing my relationship to time.
But not in some cheesy time management seminar way. Truly altering the structure of the relationship.
“What do I know about my relationship to chaos?”
I fear it and crave it.
I love the edges.
And I am intrigued by everything that crumbles.
That delicious moment of falling apart.
But then there’s the moment when you don’t quite trust the new thing coming in.
That precipice point. It’s pretty terrifying.
“Why am I here now?”
To take care of myself.
To practice what is hard for me but to do it with love.
To make things right with the parts of me that I have turned away from.
To be surprised.
To create spaces for my people. Really safe spaces where you get to practice giving support and be supported. And where silliness and play are important.
To learn about the relationship between form and power.
“What do I need?”
Reassurance. Safety. Time. Again.
Places to go — actual physical places — where I can process things.
To be able to receive appreciation without taking on other people’s stuff.
To be connected to that nameless internal spinal fluid essence.
And to do it with such certainty and clarity that my me-ness is unmissable and unmistakable.
Play with me?
The thing with your brain is that it loves to solve problems.
And when you ask it a question or toss a puzzle in its general direction, it will go to work trying to come up with a solution.
So even if you’re not a Shivanaut yet, you can play too. If you feel like it.
Ask yourself a question, start writing, see what comes up.
Maybe something will surprise you. Worst case, you learn more about something you already knew.
Internet hugs all around.
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I love simple truths, because distilled truth is rarely complicated, and you are the bell of simple truth, and today I feel like you just went, “ding!”.
Is that weird to say? Maybe. That’s okay. Love what you’re about.
Also, love that there is magic in your mirror.
.-= Bridget´s last post … Monday morning a-ha about connection =-.
My brain on spontaneous mode:
What can I do to help my little 9 week old puppy feel more comfortable with housetraining?
I could be more patient, understanding, and not have time expectations of him as he clearly is not ready…
He needs reassurance, safety, and time…
Sorry for the ‘crappy’ theme Havi–but it makes me more accountable to him and me when printed.
Thanks for the internet hug!
I love that even when your posts are about you and your realizations about yourself and your life, they’re also about us and how we can work with ourselves in similar ways.
♥
.-= Chris Anthony´s last post … Which customer do you want? =-.
The ways you have reflected parts of myself back to me are the reason I keep coming back and back and back to this blog.
I’ve made incredible bounds forward just by reading about your process day after day.
I have this secret blog that I’ve started where I’ve started processing all of my stuff.
I didn’t understand why it feels so good to write it… why it gives me a sense of (sorry for this) purpose.
But I think it’s because the handful of people I’ve shared the blog with just *might* get something out of *my* stuff. Like my baggage might actually be useful!
How cool to change the weight of something heavy I’ve been carrying around for years to something helpful.
It’s beyond awesome. Thank you for writing and showing me how. I’m so grateful. <3
I just did this – asked a question and then just wrote. Verrrrrry interesting results about something that had been bugging me. Given how mashed my brain is feeling right now, that’s quite astonishing.
Wow, there’s so much here ~ in the Q’s, in the expanded and exploratory A’s… Thanks so much for sharing the mind food…
What do I need?
Less than I think.
To give myself credit.
To trust that my needs will be met.
To recognize that passivity is not the same as trust.
Why am I here?
To be happy.
To be kind.
To play.
To explore.
To touch people, places, and things.
What is missing?
Permission from myself.
What helps me feel safe?
Creating.
Loving.
Laughter.
Connection.
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Intention =-.
Oh Havi, thank you so much for sharing! The Shiva Nata’ing and then journaling after was amazing… I’ve been playing with doing this myself at home since I got back, and it’s amazing how useful it’s been!
There’s something about a question that just begs to be answered. What really surprises me though is how writing my response to the question often seems to pull up thoughts I hadn’t even realized I had in me… it’s as though my hand is able to bypass all the little filters that normally keep me from acknowledging (or recognizing) certain thoughts, allowing me to write directly from my heart.
Which totally sounds cheesy… but it can’t possibly be, since I’m lactose intolerant ; )
.-= Heidi´s last post … How taking responsibility makes you powerful =-.
Beautiful. Simple and profound–both your questions, and the reflections they offer.
Thank you, Havi!
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Elegy =-.
@Bridget – not even slightly weird!
@Linda – definitely not a crappy question, I thought it was super sweet. What a great thing to ask and get more information on.
@Rebecca – awesome. And yeah, I 100% think that baggage is useful. I mean, that’s kind of what it’s there for. Might as well let other people get good stuff from it. 🙂
@Kat – mwah!
@Heidi – oh that’s just beautiful. Really, really beautiful.
@everyone – I adore you. Thank you for doing this with me.
I only wish I could write while driving or in the shower because I get even more answers during those activities!
Off to figure out how I can make that happen- yes, I could tape record but writing is so much more powerful…
So happy you shared this Havi 🙂
.-= Stacy´s last post … Sum… Sum… Summertime =-.
Stacy, I’m not sure there’s a good answer for driving (if you find one, let me know too! I’m the only driver in the household…), but for the shower, I’ve used both wax pencils (also called China markers) and washable markers with great success. They’re less effective if you don’t have tiled or glass shower walls (in my current house the shower walls are pressed vinyl, which is not great for writing on, but the washable markers still work). Just remember to write on the wall away from the water. 🙂
.-= Chris Anthony´s last post … Which customer do you want? =-.
Havi – your “bits and pieces” are pure gold nuggets.
Two things I’ve treasured from your blog this week: I don’t like it when people have expectations of me and MY swing.
Oh I can’t wait to get to the Shiva nata package.
I just recommended it to my friend who is a neuroscientist & yoga lover.
Blessings,
.-= Amy Martin´s last post … Don’t be a “Best” Whore In Marketing =-.
Thank Chris, I will try that!
.-= Stacy´s last post … Sum… Sum… Summertime =-.