Hello, Friday: we are here.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
Thank you, week!
This is the 389th week in a row we are chickening here together….
What worked this week?
Naming and renaming.
This week my secret ops and important missions required many lists, but I dislike lists (understatement!), so I made up something better.
It’s called a L/I/S/T — Luscious Intrigue of Secret Treasure. Yes. And the L/I/S/T is where I find all the things that are going on, and each one has a quality.
For example, CLARITY in the form of [doing X], and then PRESENCE in the form of [investigating Y].
Usually I either avoid lists (because they stress me out), or use them but then hate how stressed out I am. I did not expect this to work for me, but oh did it ever.
Oh, and another important thing about this (for me) was no more than three or four possible things to play with on a given day. Because hello, the game is rigged, and who knows if we even get to any of them.
Next time I might…
Remember that whatever my problem, someone else has probably already solved it.
I really need to stop assuming that I’m The Only One, because I make so many things complicated while trying to re-invent the wheel.
The internet is terrible for many things, but it is so very good for reminding me that, for example, no, I’m not the only person who can’t drive at night because the lights are too intense.
Naming the days.
New freedom. Wild yes. Naming magic. The powers land. Pleasure is the practice. En route to bravery. Bon courage.
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
My Kingdom For A Good Analogy. The Havi Brooks Story.
8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Entire body is sore from slow motion montage training. A breath for recovery.
- For mysterious reasons, my body has not been wanting sleep, which is fine, except for the giant bags under my eyes and looking like death warmed over. A breath for trusting the process, and for rest.
- Emptying the house after seven years is messy and complicated, and there are feelings. A breath for courage, and exit as you wish to continue.
- Even in this miraculous calm state where I’m fine having no plan and no idea where I’m going to be living in a couple weeks, I would really love some good clues. A breath for new intel.
- I want to start doing a thing I used to do once upon a time before [situation], and I am noticing fear and anxiety about if I will be able to, and how hard it might be, and there’s a problem I need to solve in order to get back to it, and I don’t want to deal with that part. A breath for listening to my yes, and investigating further, with lots of love and Safety First!
- Situations (and people) I thought would be fun turning out to be not-fun. I think I no longer like my favorite Monday ritual, and I think I no longer like taking group classes for dance. A breath for being here, and for remembering that all intel is useful intel, and that everything can change and then change again.
- Dance teacher gave me some very useful and challenging corrections and suggestions that I am struggling to implement, having to use my body in entirely new ways and breaking my brain hard. This is really good for me, and right now it’s also unbelievably frustrating and I am running into my stuff and feeling vulnerable. A breath for wax on and wax off, trust in the process, remember why I’m doing this.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- The sun came back. The snow and ice melted. I can stand at the bus stop and not die of frostbite. Everything is significantly less horrible now. A breath for easing.
- Lots of congruencing for the new year, including finally replacing my housemate’s rusted out 1980s goodwill-find made-in-korea falling-apart teakettle with a gorgeous kettle that fills me with joy and appreciation every time I see it. A breath for out with the old, in with the new, in all meanings of that, ripple effect please….
- Everything about dance was good this week. Waltz fusion, west coast, nightclub two step, hustle, improvisational madness. I took classes. I reviewed drills until my brain stopped working. I danced fourteen hours in two days, and my feet hurt, and it was awesome. Everything about this is good. A breath for this.
- Talking about yes and wishes with the far-away Agent Lovemore, and with Agents Aldrich-and-Annabelle, who are also far away, just not that far. This is good. A breath for knowing, and for conspiratorial planning.
- Letting things go. It’s time, and also movement is forward progress. A breath of gratitude for finally understanding what “Easing & Releasing” (my name for 2015) feels like when it is something you know how to do.
- Feeling beautifully clear about so many things. A breath for how great this is.
- Even though this was an intensely busy week, I still found time each day for myself, for breathing and turning inward and taking care of myself, noticing the Rigging of the rigged game, and not being impressed by it. A breath of appreciation.
- Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of wonderful food, deliciously tired legs, sitting by the fireplace wearing all the blankets. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!
Current ops and forward movement!
I still have big excitement about this round of projects, especially MONTAGE. Other than that, focusing on The Namer Names and The Studio Op, and remembering to do laundry. Pretty soon will return to the Fountaining op. Thank you, fractal flowers.
I am bestowing vast quantities of sparklepoints upon myself like a fairground stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last week I asked for the power of taking care of myself first and the power of not hiding, and got to experience both of these. I also had the superpower of There’s Always Money In The Banana Stand (a la Arrested Development), and not only did this week deliver surprise banana stand monies, I was also not worrying about things I usually worry about. More of this, please, for all of us.
Powers I want.
The power of fierce wild panther grace.
The Salve of Joyful Multiplying.
My favorite part of the superpower I had this week of There’s Always Money In The Banana Stand, was not just the steady calm and trust, but the sensation of wonder/joy/awe/gladness multiplying. So the plenty wasn’t only in the unexpected resources in the moment, but that feeling of joyful multiplying.
This salve melts into the skin and multiplies joy and wonder. It works its magic and allows you to to feel completely at home in this superpower at all times and in all ways, while still knowing that you would also be equally fine without it.
The pleasurable appreciative feelings begin to MULTIPLY and continue to multiply, as you fill up on:
Possibility. Generous heart. Clear Seeing. Releasing. Receiving. Delight. Glowing. Strength.
This is another good-surprises salve, and a heart-healing salve, and it is not only replenishing but self-replenishing, straight from source.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is:
Bubble Prep
Their latest album is What Time Is It In Thailand, and it turns out this band is just one guy.
ANNOUNCEMENT!
We are doing some reconfiguring, and the shop may disappear soon. More about this to come but for now just a heads up.
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
Follow
I am lighting my candle, and I am happy to be here.
This week started off bumpy and got better. We needed to replace a mattress, but the one we ordered arrived damaged, and it was the last of its kind in stock. I’m not sure what our next move will be; meanwhile, improvising sleeping arrangements is getting old fast.
Happy highlights of the week include music that I love, new hand cream that smells delectable, getting my hair done, reading, and writing.
Thank you for this space, Havi, and thank you to everyone who helps make it so wonderful.
*gleefully poppin and boppin along to Bubble Prep*
Vendredi shalom!
What worked?
Lettering a few lines and then going back to bed.
Packing anchovies.
Changing out of my white sweater before opening the Chianti and heating the red sauce
Covering the hocks with jars
What to try next?
More BOWMO (Being Okay With Missing Out) before I commit to or spend what feels like too much time researching things
Hard, draining, etc.
* Zits
* Dementors
* Little progress in taming iguanaphant, and time is running out
* Headache
* Red tape
* Rot, smell of
* Sweetie still sick
Good, encouraging, etc.
* Messages from friends
* My sestina being
inflicted ontaught to AP students* Book still in Top 100 in one of its Amazon categories
* Not needing to restock on groceries this week until tomorrow, without resorting to dining out
* Catching things that needed to be caught
* Not having to wear stockings today
* Hearing people in the street while lying awake in bed and feeling thrilled at being able to enjoy both city liveliness and private comfort.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
Realized I want to practice Being Okay With Missing Out, too! And that I already do it sometimes, and how it makes everything so very much better and easier. Thanks for naming it! (And thank you, Naming Magic!)
what’s worked?
extreme self-care in the face of heartbreak. a diversity of strategies.
butterscotch pudding.
toddler cuddles.
a deep breath for my tarot cards.
the calendars reminding me to treasure freedom.
taking time for mourning.
Cluck cluck chicken!
The hard:
– I continue to find rising before dawn difficult.
– still not very good at resting
– I am still scared of landladies.
The good:
– fabulous new purple coat
– all my projects want to talk to me
– landlady is happy
– things are coming together
– guilt patterns beginning to dissolve
Love to you all.
A week ago I startes my day by throwing up, so super extra delighted that I am now feeling a gazillion times better and no longer have anything resembling the stomach flu! Hurray!
Starillions of sparklepoints for poemwriting and doodling my way yesterday through something that was bothering me / standing in the way of my big project. The whole time, I was like wow! This actually works and IS FUN! So much thank you to you, Havi, for modelling your process on the blog every day. I think I’m finally finding a way to do it myself.
Superpower I want this week: graciously acting on what I know to be true for me
2016 has been surprising and spacious so far. Even with getting violently ill… all magically part of the process. I love this. May it non-attachedly keep flowing.
<3 <3 <3 best superpower ever!
Mmm, this week! Challenging was being back at work after the holiday break, but on the other side of that mirror there are only 50 more weekdays on my contract and that is a beautiful light to be heading towards.
Challenging was hearing some imperfections (what a funny word!) in the very first mix of the very first track of the album. On the inside surface of that though, first mix! First track! It’s really happening! This is wild and exciting and I am full full full of love for this project.
Challenging was the split second when it seemed like my very nice doctor was going to say ‘hmm, no luck but we’ll try again in a few weeks, it’s still early’, but then suddenly there it was, this incredible ‘whomm whomm whomm whomm whomm’, about twice as fast as my own heartbeat and nestled down on the right hand side just where I knew she was going to be. <3
Who knows what next week will bring!
<3
Operation Rose Echo has finally begun!
There was a seekrit conclave in the basement which led to decisions about the South Pier, and then to action!
And the next day Chicken Amigos was finally settled.
Everything about that is in other hands now.
Except the Tufted Frog. That’s still mine. Sigh. I thought I had a good plan for handling that and it isn’t working. Maybe it needs a new name.
I found the best anagram for physical therapy: peachy play shirt. I have tendonitis in my knee and I need a peachy play shirt.
I investigated the local meet-up page; to get more info, you have to actually join some of the meet-ups, which I don’t like. I’m being bombarded with emails about “what day time and place do you want to meet for X?” and — the info I really wanted to access via the website so I could decide whether it is doable and interesting is now coming in emails, and it sounds like they expect me to be there since I joined their group. Annoyed with that. Also the most interesting group specifically states that it is for singles only.
I didn’t really get my Day Off/Day Out this week, despite having it on the calendar. But I spent a good part of the day doing self-caring things so it was okay.
MrB is having his Peachy Play Shirt twice a week and making progress.
Mmmm, peachy pay shirt!!! <3!!
Oops can’t spell on this phone. Trying again …
Peachy Play Shirt! Best anagram ever!! <3!!
Love to all ~
My big helpful-happy this week has been “Live in the NOW” ~ fretting about what *might* happen tomorrow or next week = counterproductive to the max. (Also, super-stressy)
What was hard this week?
Not Enough Time monsters, You’re Not Good Enough monsters, little sunlight, too much computer, and a lot of commitments => most-of-a-day in breakdown mode.
Some things that have made me feel at least a tiny bit better for at least a little while:
*permission
*food
*water
*thinking “it is okay for me to be here”
*breathing
*browsing the archives
*wishing
*more breathing
*more breathing
*being the ocean
*”what would it be like if…”
*”even though…”
*listening inward, as much as comfortable
*honesty
<3
With a fully belly, wanted to spend a few moments with this week’s GOOD also.
-Noticing the pattern changes the pattern
-Scraps of sunshine today, and scraps of blue sky
-Lots of support from people who love me
-Homemade applesauce, my family’s “stuff of life”. Find some apples. Peel, core, slice. Put in pot with a little water at the bottom. Simmer. Stir. Add cinnamon. Eat. Freezes super well, joy-inducing for breakfast or really any meal (all 4 of mine yesterday).
<3
Challenging this week:
– feeling like I’m falling back into the routine of There Is No Routine Except Lurching From Crisis to Crisis. A breath because it takes time to learn to do less.
– this mysterious rash that used to come and go and that I thought was just “oh well, winter” has decided to stay and turn painful and itchy. doctor time!
– my body hurts in places that need to not hurt for there to be joyful movement. I’d really like to learn how to move with ease.
– I am still afraid to tell The Handsome Young Man I’m Dating (THYMID? that’s a pretty good acronym) what I’d like from our relationship. A breath for Courage Comes With Time.
– I am dragging my feet on embarking (pun!) on the mission of Full Sails; unclear if this is because Full Sails is no longer my yes or if the way is blocked by Fear Monsters. A breath for clarity.
– When things go wrong in my body the first thing I do is check what Louise L Hay says; it’s almost compulsive and I have no idea where this compulsion came from. Sometimes it’s good intel, but other times it’s just a way to blame myself in the vein of Your Physical Problems Are Due To a Lack of Positive Thinking, which is bullshit to the nth degree. A breath for being kind to myself.
The good:
– I’m learning to believe in plenty and not to force myself into hours and hours of work so that I can get money at the expense of exhaustion. Huzzah for Rest!
– Despite the body pains that do happen, I walked almost 100 blocks with THYMID last night and it was beautiful and just what I needed. Then today, I bicycled with my father and sister, and though toward the end it was rainy and wet and my legs gave out, it was exactly what I needed. Here’s to Joyful Movement.
– I’ve got a date wth THYMID on Tuesday and depending on if there’s downtime during this date, maybe I’ll be courageous and ask for what I want (and maybe I’ll know what it is and be secure in it).
– Catching up on this here blog has been one of the most meaningful parts of the last few weeks. And now that I’m caught up everything feels timely and right. Thank you for this space. Thank you for being you.
– The New Year’s Tree is still up in our living room and I love the smell of pine.
– Today while cycling we saw a storm and a rainbow. Thank you, beauty. Thank you, eyes that see.
I’m glad to be here and now. Tomorrow, I have faith that I can maintain presence in the middle of all the rush. Trust. Presence. Yay us. 🙂
I didn’t make the connection last week, when it might have been the most “appropos,” but something clicked in my memory when I read about exhaling the old and inhaling the new.
Just about the only new year’s tradition I stick to is one that came from my maternal grandmother, who was Nova Scotian. At the stroke of midnight that marks the new year, she would open the front door of the house, to let the old year out and—with a whoosh of cold winter air—the new year in.
I still do this, every year, even when I’m spending New Year’s Eve away from home. I open the front door of whatever building I’m in. Exhaling the old year, inhaling the new. Thank you for writing the words that reminded me of this!
I love this!
whoosh! that is a lovely tradition
<3
That is beautiful!
Hi!
🙂
I had a week of tiny (but painful) losses followed by surprising turn-arounds or reframings. It happened all over the place and was Quietly Hillarious (like all of my favourite people). Just as I went (“oh no. I wasn’t ready to lose you, thing.”, or was it “oh no, I didn’t want to lose at all, I wanted to win”?), it became clear that, indeed, I had been ready. Or that I didn’t lose. Or that I didn’t believe in competition and winning and losing. Or that there was a pink elephant in the room. And what looked like The End really being a beginning, or maybe just, I don’t know, a perfectly ordinary middle, a diastole, an exhale before an inhale.
It was also a week of noticing another pattern, one I’ve been working on with my therapist years ago when I had one, and it is landing now in an entirely now level (Level Up!).
Thank you, Clarity. That you, brave me who knows that Seeing Can’t Hurt Us. Thank you, frozen lake, thank you, park, thank you, me who knows when to take us for a long walk, and how to, beautifully, sneak past the Resistance, or charm them into consenting.
Thank you, Quietly Hillarious, Tinily Painful, Leveled-up week! I heard you say to me “Wait! This is not the ending yet! The ending is beautiful and you’ll never have seen it coming.” I wish to know that more often.
<3
<3 mmmmmm hand-on-heart-sigh for all of this and Seeing Can't Hurt Us, amen
Chicken since 12/20/15
Good – Pirate sister-in-law’s gift card to craft shop where I bought Lost Ocean, an adult coloring book, by Johanna Basford. Coloring in it. Asking The Internet how the artist did her drawings. Watching the video she provided. I am so glad she exists. Going through the gallery of how others colored her drawings. The beauty is so amazing, I came close to crying.
Watching the Ball Drop on my computer at 9 pm my time! Ha, Ha! Happy New Year. Going to bed when I got tired. There were a lot fewer bangs-and-booms and the loud party in the neighborhood ended about when I went to bed.
Diva sister-in-law’s Star Wars games turned into a turntable that converts records into digital files.
Sea World with a Lady Who Had Tickets. It was cold, but I think she’s someone I could hang around with more.
Cara Cara oranges.
I am breathing so much easier, and more deeply. When I think about it.
What Worked – Waiting. The Dude might hear about a job today or tomorrow. Have to hear from Witch Partner re: Goodbye Glenhaven. And for the Tree to drop some more Wolf Food. And for the next Crop and the next Sister’s Day.
Year of Doors. They open to the outside as well as to new places or rooms.
Wearing sox to bed, and undershirts under my pyjamas when necessary. And this is the way I spell pyjamas, DangIt!
Cancelled one Skyline in Project X, did the rest.
Hard – Not peeing on my sister’s tiny sweet butterfly thing.
Something is resisting me moving more.
It is what it Is – Called the Lost Lady and left another voicemail.
Theater trip with Church. Audience of Little Old People, and I Am One Now, Too.
Hm, a lot of doing and not much being.
Theme of the month – Wise Freedom.
Chicken hugs to all.
HELLO CHICKEN!
What’s been working?
+being the [only i know about this secret identity :D]
+not freaking out about sleep
+stepping into the enthusiasm
+keeping the Switch Flipped
+books in bed
+Fun-a-Day!
+Coconut Meanderings!
Next time I might….
+do more advance breakfast prep
+investigate more [Pecan Cucumber Funk]
Breathing for the tangles, the mysteries, the enigmas.
+A breath for whatever it is that my stomach is doing right now. What is this mystery? Breathing for it.
+A breath for the mysterious weather. What is this weather we’ve been having? Breathing for the me who wants to wear my new coat but it’s Too Warm! Breathing sweetness and cool winds.
+Operation Banana Tar is muddling. Breathing for the me who wishes it would just go smoothly Dammit.
+A breath for Tired Me. Many, many long deep breaths and hand-on-heart sights for Tired Me.
+A breath for the Me who is secretly nervous about the F/M’ships smuggling away the Green Stuff. Breathing magical powerful boundaries and force fields and protective shields.
+A breath for the Super Weird Dreams. Whoa.
+A breath for the Me who Wishes [Things] Were Different. Also many hugs for this Me.
+A breath for the Still Recovering Me. Long, deep healing breaths. Yes.
Breathing for the donuts, the delights, the delicious treats.
+A breath for Agent Bell sending me Ghost Pepper Salt in the mail! A breath for all the delicious foods I have been making with this magical treat! A breath for my mouth buzzing with delight after I eat them! A breath for Spicy Food Alchemy! YEAAAAHHHHHH!!!! 😀
+A breath for the SUPER AWESOME ME who made Operation Rock Steady happen! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!! A breath for the YES! A breath for Agent Mezzo-Mezzo for being in the YES with me!
+A breath for the Retreat! Breathing for all the fabulousness. Breathing for Operation Message Fairy. Breathing for all the YES. ALL. THE. YES.
+A breath for the Me Who Decided about the Thing. A breath for the Seaside City Circle. A breath for the Future Me who can totally do this thing. YES.
+A breath for all the books. All The Books!!
+A breath for my amazing new coat which I want to wear ALL THE TIME.
+A breath for Operation See Bee Pee! SO GOOD. SO GOOD!
+A breath for All That I Know. Yes. <3
Showering myself with sparklepoints! Which I receive just for existing! But especially for landing Operation Rock Steady, rolling Operation Coconut Meanderings, and adventuring through Operation Queue Janus in my Agent Fairy Pow costume!
SUPERPOWERS!
I have been really working the Superpower of Flip The Switch, and gathering lots of valuable info about how that works. Yay!
I am invoking the Superpower of Rock Steady, may it conveniently flow forth through Operation Rock Steady and fractal flower itself into all areas of my life.
And of course, the Superpower of I Totally Got This. 🙂
This week we are pleased to welcome to the Fake Band stage, the one and only Spoonbeams! You can acquire their latest album, Internal Pottery, from the magical merch table in the sky.