A breath for these tough times

Sending out extra wishes of Safety & Sanctuary for everyone in the path of the hard things, what a scary time we are in, inhaling and exhaling, for compassion, strength, courage, swift and steady miracles.

Announcement on Emergency Calming Down Techniques

I’ve been reeling hard lately in some cursed combination of heartache, numbness, political anxiety, winter stuff and some wild panic episodes.

Have been holding on (for dear life) to my Emergency Calm The Hell Down Techniques from a long time ago, and it’s been helping.

I am giving away a copy of these (ebook + audio recordings) to anyone who gives any sum of money to the appreciation funds / discretionary fund in the hopes that we can all keep practicing together, for each other and for the collective, and also for ourselves in these scary times. ❤️

What are the Known Knowns

In times of overwhelm, break glass (ask this one question)

When I get overwhelmed, an experience that happens more often than I’d like, I can really spin out. Or shut down. Or some combination of both.

And I have found that the most useful response or reaction in these situations, in addition to applying Acknowledgment & Legitimacy, and removing items from my line of sight, is grounding myself in what is known in the moment.

My favorite journaling question lately is just this: What are the Known Knowns?

What are the Known Knowns

What are the Known Knowns

I ask the question and then I just list as many items as I can think of.

Here’s what that looked like for me this week…

Let’s just start where we start. Whatever comes up. Many things are known. Let’s name some of them.

Known: Scrolling, while an understandable impulse, does not help

Here is a thing that is known:

When I am feeling anxious about the seemingly unending barrage of ever-more-stressful news, there is a part of me that thinks if I just know, then I will somehow be prepared or take an action step.

Except this doesn’t actually happen. I get more overwhelmed, more destabilized, feel more helpless and distraught.

Known: Grounding and centering activities ground and center

It sounds obvious, and yet: there it is.

I can be doing anything else with my time to ground and center and be a witchy force for good.

And I will in fact feel better and be more functional if I light a candle for justice, caramelize a pot of onions, vacuum the floor, liberate something from my list, listen to an audiobook, read a poem, etc.

Known: [Do a form of doing] or [Be a form of being]

The more I can [do a form of doing], using my hands, moving steadily and with intention, focusing on precision, the more I am able to be here now.

As always, no guilt-shame spirals required, no stories need to be told about avoidance. Safety first. Ground and center first.

Tea will help me return to presence, watching ten more videos of the horrors will not.

Known: There are more issues at hand (at hand?) than the horrors.

Here is a Known Known that I have been having trouble coming to terms with.

About a month ago, I went through a traumatic situation. It was fucked up enough and scary enough that my mind actually helpfully (“helpfully”) erased it for me for several weeks.

I was able to observe that I was operating from PTSD-mode, and able to clock past memories surfacing of similar events, but it took a while until everything landed for me, and I was able to access the memory.

And now the memory is all I think about from 2-4am, and much of the rest of the time. That and how much I would like to taser someone.

Known: Apply the protocols.

This means that not only are all anti-anxiety protocols and pits-of-despair protocols needed right now, but also the specific protocols around trauma healing, for me.

It also means remembering that the protocols take time, the healing process takes time, a lot gets unearthed when one memory sets off cascading memories.

There is the self-blame patterns to untangle. There is the fury-rage, the grief, the sadness, the despair, the desire to run, the desire to hide, the desire to be as busy as humanly possible with projects and distractions.

The protocols get me to jog in my kitchen in the morning to warm up my joints for yoga. The protocols get me to close my eyes before 10pm. The protocols help.

Known: The protocols just are. Do what works.

Being acquainted with [What works] is in a way also a form of naming the Known Knowns.

Everything that works is a Known Known.

Control the controllables. And do that by doing the things you know work.

Sometimes something that worked in the past isn’t working now, and you need to switch it out or upgrade. That’s okay. That can also be neutral information to file away with the Internal Scientists.

Things that work for me include: routine, ritual, training hard, making sure I eat vegetables (making it a game is fine), having lots of containers of time, checking in with friends, breaking down tasks into Complete Willingness Units and just doing one tiny unit at a time.

Known: Naming extenuating circumstances helps, naming other factors helps.

For example, it is raining hard and it is cold.

For example, this past week was a lot of days that have past heavy memories associated with them.

For example, I missed my morning routine for two days.

For example, I am out of some supplements that might be load-bearing for my mental well-being.

For example, I haven’t gone dancing or been going to yoga in…oh, okay, for as long as since the traumatic event happened, that makes sense. And also, those are things that help me thrive.

Known: Lighting a candle, while not enough, does in fact help, and here’s how

Lighting a candle is a small symbolic action, and it also matters. At a minimum, it helps me.

It calms me down, it is good for my heart, it reminds me to breathe, it reminds me that the network of witchy, wise people with good hearts glowing courage and support into the world is vast.

I can light a candle for trans friends and for trans people in America, and in the world. I can light a candle for everyone in danger from ICE, and for the clergy being arrested for protest-praying, and for brave DIY journalists and brave civilians.

Known: The ritual holds itself.

Even as I think to do this (light a candle, take a breath, with intention, hand on heart), I can hear the monster-chorus of THIS IS NOT ENOUGH and “It doesn’t really matter”, and “You aren’t actually helping”.

And, at the same time, a moment in which I am participating in a ritual is a moment of contributing to the collective. Are there other contributions that are needed? Absolutely. And also, starting here is good.

A breath for more light, symbolic or otherwise. A breath for being a person in the time of the many horrors. A breath for wanting better. A breath for change is necessary. A breath for miracles are possible.

A breath for I definitely can’t help when I myself am flailing, so let’s find the ground again.

Known: Do any small things that help (any shift in a storm)

For me this might be bravely and heroically pulling myself together and taking out trash.

Clean sheets on the bed, wipe down the kitchen table, refill the water pitcher.

Slow and steady. Taking notes about what helps more than I think it will, or even what helps not enough but still non-zero improvement!

Given that I get extra overwhelmed by open tabs or too many items in the box of in, I can also do half an hour of Clear The Decks with a friend from afar. That always helps.

Having a good cry helps. Getting on the floor to stretch. Whatever works.

What other Known Knowns am I forgetting?

This too shall pass. This moment of PTSD for sure. Right now I am in the hard part of the aftermath.

The grief process will be what it is, tumultuous and full of uncomfortable emotions, and I have been through this before and each time I learn something new. It’s not fun. And also, I can do this.

I am a tough survivor of hard things, and there will be waves that shake me and waves I can flow with, and I can channel steadiness and bravery and curiosity.

Known: the waves come and the waves go

Yes. I am of the earth and of the sea. Life is life-ing.

I am doing my best to interact with all of it, and also there will be moments that are easier and moments that are more challenging. Ebb and flow. Light a candle and curse the darkness, we can multi-task on that one.

Known: Bravery is something we can practice

A lot of muscles (metaphorical and actual) to work on these days.

Training in courage, curiosity, lioness-heartedness, staying tough and ready.

Training for the sake of training, and also because it is needed.

Part of the training (for me) is asking this question over and over again, about the Known Knowns, so that I can anchor myself in what is real and what is good in this moment.

Known: I can keep asking this question

Sure, sometimes there are monster-answers, aka my own self-criticism or self-sabotage mechanisms kick in and try to come up with depressing answers to what is known.

And also there is always a kernel of truth that can lead me back to bigger truth.

Reminding myself: I am inhaling. I am exhaling.

Known: Taking a breath and then another breath.

Known: I am a badass.
Known: Traumatic incidents take time to recover from and the process is not linear, and it goes how it goes.
Known: Safety first.
Known: These are hard and scary times.
Known: There are many hope sparks, some still invisible, I can hold onto this knowledge and keep oxygenating the possibility flame.
Known: rest and replenishing helps.
Known: I can find comfort in better places.
Known: Sitting in shrimp pose and scrolling is not going to make me feel better.
Known: Sixteen compass breaths will help more than I think it will.

In fact, let’s just take sixteen breaths right now.

Known: Get cozy, batten down the hatches, tend to what needs tending.

I definitely know a bunch of things that don’t work, so let’s not do those.

Or if we do, then let’s meet ourselves with a lot of kindness and understanding about it.

And I know some of the things that help some of the time, so let’s do as much of that as we can, if we can.

Similarly, a lot of grace for all the uncontrollables, that’s where we light more candles, right?

Okay, so this is one possible starting point, and you might have other starting points that work for you. We can keep adding those to the list.

A candle and a breath and some love and a hope spark for this too.

May it be so, or something even better

Here’s to choosing life and aliveness, and being here, even when it is so fucking hard (and often it is), and to learning about ourselves, and finding some sparks if we can, or staying receptive to future sparks if we can.

I love you, I love that you read my thoughts here, thank you for that. It means a lot to me.

Let’s source some wild joy, some loving clarity, or whatever is needed most, let’s play.