It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for being here when we get here.}
Thank you, week.
This is the 371st week in a row that we are chickening here together. Pretty great.
What worked this week?
Noticing.
My wise and wonderful uncle Svevo came to stay with me for three days. He is the only person I know who lives completely how he wants in all things, in this wonderfully easy, simple, peaceful, mind-bogglingly sovereign way.
My monsters of course are dead set against me living like this.
They’ve always maintained that only people with great wealth and other forms of magic beans can do what they want. And anyway if I tried, I’d become a horrible person, instead of Being Of Service (because Otherwise Life Is Meaningless and Bad Things Happen), and also that everyone would hate me.
But I have spent a lot of time observing Svevo being Svevo, and I can now report back with total certainty:
Svevo is the kindest, most compassionate person I have ever met. And I think this is actually directly related to the fact that he follows his heart desires, and yes, he also does this without the advantages which I think are required for this audacity. And everyone he meets or even passes on the street just beams with joy and pleasure from being near him. Huh.
Next time I might…
Remember that there’s always another option I haven’t considered yet.
[Silent retreat! But this is a reminder to me about the fox and the back door.]
Upcoming Biopic if it were based on this week…
Then The Sun Became The Moon. The Havi Brooks Story.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- I’ve been sick for the past EIGHT DAYS! So, this week was spent in bed, achey and foggy and miserable, hacking up green goo in full-body coughing fits. Yesterday I was able to go for a short walk, but then so winded that it was straight back to bed. A breath for my sweet body doing its best to release.
- Sleep has suddenly stopped being a thing. My body is just not into it for more than four hours a night. I’m not particularly tired (see: all the rest I’m getting), and it feels a lot better now that I’ve stopped worrying about it. So maybe this item is about how sometimes I forget that worrying, as Svevo puts it, has a very low return on investment. A breath for trust, and for filling all the wells, especially the well of well-rested.
- Everything in my life — projects! dance practice and training! using my body in fun and interesting ways! — is on hold while I’m busy being a snot-machine. A breath to invite in the part of me who knows everything in my life is being supported and beautifully served by this unexpected interruption.
- As some of you know, I have a metaphorical chocolate shop which I don’t want. An amazing opportunity came up when people I like and trust approached me wanting to buy out the business from me and take it over! This has been my secret good news that I couldn’t share. Well, they were in negotiations with the owner of the building to take over the lease, and the owner suddenly and very unexpectedly signed a contract with someone else. Now instead of receiving compensation for the brand I developed, the design, the business systems, the client list and all of the extremely expensive chocolate-making equipment, we get nothing. It also means we need a new buyer for the equipment or we’ll need to rent storage! There aren’t many chocolate-makers in town, and they all already have equipment. This is stressful, especially as we need to stay in production until we exit. And I have sadness about yet another of Portland’s gorgeous historic chocolate shops disappearing, which, I mean, sure, I never wanted a chocolate shop but now that I’ve had one for a few years, I have a real understanding of how special they are. A breath of love for me and for the chocolate shop, may the right solution reveal itself soon.
- I ran into an old painful pattern in an interaction with someone — a pattern I didn’t even know about! Turns out six year old me is still carrying around all kinds of pain, and thinks it’s relevant to apply it to all current scenarios. This was extremely useful to notice as it was happening, and also it was not the most fun. A breath of acknowledgment and appreciation for tiny me, who was too small to know that other people’s stuff was not about her, she is safe and loved forever! I scoop her up and hug her and whisk her off to a safe room, with friends and trusted companions nearby if she wants to play, which she usually does.
- My god these heart-wrenching stories of refugees being refused sanctuary and passage. I think this must touch something in tribal memory for me — like the two hundred and fifty something Jews who were killed in the holocaust after having sailed to the United States on the St Louis and been refused entry. Or maybe something much older and more primal than that. I feel absolute anguish when I think about this. A breath for remembering to stay in my compassion-love heart without taking on the pain of the world.
- The day when everything went haywire — realized I’d lost wallet and passport, and then was stuck with a mysterious $40 customs charge which required both, and then burned my face with an essential oil, which I am only telling you about because my mother is no longer alive and not reading this. A breath for all the things being shaken up, and out.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week. May I choose to trust-more love-more release-more receive-more.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Being sick in bed turned out to be very useful, because for the first time in forever, I didn’t have anywhere else to be other than my bedroom. And suddenly I was able to have huge understandings about my relationship with space, and what I want in my space and what I treasure and what is unnecessary. Bedroom: transformed! Knowledge about me: Received! Thanks, illness. A breath of deep appreciation and gratitude.
- Turns out not needing sleep right now is not actually a big deal. I am getting the rest I need, reading, thinking good thoughts. The only thing that was wrong with sleeping half as much as I usually do was thinking that it was wrong. A breath for recognizing this, and for the superpower of Trust More.
- Hey, the plus side of not getting to sell the business (my other business, not this one!) is not having to sell the business. No lawyers, no contracts, nothing. And we’re out of the lease at the end of December now instead of March of 2017, so high fives all around, and I am just going to ask for a solution for the equipment. A breath for ease and grace, and the simplest solution being the simplest.
- Patterns revealed meant patterns untangled. A breath of love.
- I am at previously unknown levels of calm, in all things. Even with stressful things, I just had the superpower of Marvelously Unfazed, to the point that I didn’t even worry. I found the lost items and didn’t mind the customs charge, and remembered that actually my skin is only sensitive to emotional stuff so then it stopped burning. A breath of thank you in my thank-you-heart
- Speaking of perfect simple solutions, so many things are just working out beautifully right now with zero effort on my part. And the most astonishing realizations and epiphanies are just landing all around me. A breath for this.
- I know exactly what I want, what it looks like and feels like, and how I want to get there, and believe it’s possible, and also think that where I am right now is exactly right. A breath of thank-you for this and all the other many treasures of Shmita.
- Thankfulness. So much is good. Blowing bubbles with Svevo. Texts of sweetness from my far-away-lover. It’s finally warm enough for blankets. Everything is okay. Nothing is wrong, even when I think it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thankful for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Wham booms, wisdom, superpowers, salve and FBOTW!
Operations completed. Wham boom!
Speaking of sparkly epiphanies, turns out Operation BOLTHOLE and Operation Round House and Operation Alternative Shed and Operation Well Robed and Operation Live Light are all one op!!!!
Kind of like the Fake Band of The Week: it’s just one guy. And Operation Trust Release Ease is still my favorite thing in the world. Wham Boom. I now bestow upon myself a hundred billion sparklepoints, and you are welcome to do the same.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last week I asked for Deeply Trusting, and I had it!
I also had the superpower of knowing that I am a Disruptive Force, and being okay with that.
Powers I want.
More of this Marvelously Unfazed thing please, more of the overflowing fountaining gratitude, and I would also like the powers of Surprisingly Strong Iridescent Purple Bubbles.
And the power of pausing and breathing and saying thank you.
The Salve of We Love Fortune.
The title of this week’s Chicken comes from a hilarious exchange in the comments of last week’s chicken.
If you say Wheel Of Fortune enough times it turns into We Love Fortune.
This is a salve of joyful overflowing appreciation for abundance in all forms. When I wear this salve, I suddenly want to pause and stroke the leaves of ferns that I pass on my walk, to thank them for being lush. I want to blow kisses to all the stars in the sky, and whisper thank you to the person who designed my bathrobe.
This salve not only reminds you to love fortune, it helps you see it, everywhere.
It feels tingly-exciting and also serenely calming at the same time.
If you run into a spot of bad luck while using this salve, you won’t perceive it as bad luck at all, or you will quickly find the fortune in it. Of course you will, because it’s there. Of course you will, because you are made of particles of love.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band comes via Denise, it’s called Reserving An Octopus. Their latest album is Chants of Blah. And, of course, it’s just one guy.
And the photo was taken in Lubbock, TX by Jesse! Thank you!
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
p.s. If you want to express appreciation and/or go deeper into Self-Fluency…
Come practice Agency and be a secret agent (ha, agency pun!) of self-fluency, and support this blog and Shmita.
The marvelous Monster Manual gives you the sneaky ways I use to get my self-criticism to take a nap or join the circus or become my ally, so I can stay calm and take care of myself. - If you’d just like to express appreciation for concepts and qualities that live here, you can always contribute to Barrington’s Discretionary. (Explanation!)
- And of course, love and support in the form of smiles, hearts, warmth, sharing posts, practicing what we do here: any and all of that is always appreciated!
A deep breath of love from my thank-you heart for everyone who reads. ❦
Follow
The first Chicken coming to you from my cozy library at Meade Station, where I’m Living the Smile.
The Good –
So far, everything.
Shopping with The Dude. Getting one humongous avocado (4 servings) instead of two tiny ones. Getting one humongous potato (and not the biggest one!) instead of a 5-pound bag (2-4 servings and no Potatoes Gone Wild in a drawer). Adjustments are being made on both our parts.
The Hard –
The final curtain of the Grand Finale of “Everything’s Sparklepoints” was made of misty tears, and some of the cast did not show up.
It was Hard before, but That was Then. It’s not coming up until October 3.
What worked (Am changing the word “worked” to “played in Peoria”)– Oh, sparklepoints for everything. Putting out BOLO’s (Be On the Look Outs) for missing items. Lists of Reminders with sparklepoints for them being just reminders of thinks I can do if and when.
Thanks for the Fortune Salve. The Dude especially needs it.
Breaths tinged with flower fragrance for all.
Shabbat shalom!
What worked? Watching a video about Something Rotten‘s cast recording section. Because watching the drummer and the stars was what I needed to get back some of my rock-star sass and reinforce my getting-things-done-in-the-band groove.
Next time I might… try saying I’m doing fine.
Hard:
* So much muttering of “FFS” this week.
* Unintentional escalation. FFS.
* Not enough sleep or exercise.
* Mosquito bites galore. And a colleague was just diagnosed with West Nile.
* Mixed messages galore. FFS.
Good:
* Tonight’s kale salad turned out right, and the doggie’s enjoying the stems.
* Finally ran down a song I’d heard on the radio in high school!
* Free songs from Amber Rubarth, especially “Letter from My Lonelier Self”
* Major sparklepoints to me for dealing with the dog’s coat. GALLONS of fur and druff.
* Feeling enough faith in the future to throw out a really ratty pair of knickers and some aging spices.
* Something Rotten tracks at Freegal.
* Wham-boomed three big deliverables.
* Long bath and clean sheets ahead!
* I am loved and desired.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
Hooray for Good Fortune!
What worked this week: staying calm, remembering its Virgo, being kind
the sucks:
-school has started: new routines have not landed, but the workload has exploded
-my oldest missed school ne day and it cacaded into bad things in school. a sgh for wow things have leveled up a bit
-still not in full integrity with my work
-eating gluten for a weekend undid weeks of work. ugh!
-the reason i am not X and other people re X is because they committed. When LP made it to the same dance class on a walker 4 weeks after knee relacement, and i stayed home because i was tired–this is a lack of commitment on my part, this has nothing to do with anyone else. a breath for all the discomfort of this
so much sparkle:
-using sparklepoints with my kids works!
-not yelling and stayign calm is yielding awesoem results
-i wham boomed a lot of obnoxious lil tasks and errands
-a potentially expensive bullshit thing turned out fine
-support, kindness
-last weekend out of the blue a friend invited me and the kids to Glenwood Springs and wow we had a blast!
-beautiful weather
-my garden
-Hogwarts
Good:
This morning I had a sudden strong pull to a Thing that made all the difference.
An online class that I’ve begun is amazing.
The view from the back seat is surprisingly different from the driver’s seat. It’s been a long time since I was not in the driver’s seat. Hmmm — Metaphor? Proxy? Must consider.
Hard:
Weird medical thing to add to the other weird medical thing. My husband’s medical things are usually scary; mine tend to be weird.
Really hard thing was made harder this week. A toxic person has the power to keep what must be done from happening. Waiting for people with authority to intervene — trying to remember “… Trust more. Release more….” And that it will all work out in the end.
The Hard:
– I am getting a little more energy, but it’s slow going and so I spend a lot of time bored out of my mind but way too tired to even sit up. I don’t enjoy this.
– My sixth chakra is like this crazy out of control planet that picks up satellutes accidentally and that also has a *appetite* for endless novelty and more satellites. Yay for knowing this is what makes me crazy, but boo for the difficult (and boring!) process of reining that in.
– Got a shot in my butt and it really hurt for the whole rest of my day. Argh.
– David got a ticket. And then another ticket for not having proof of current insurance in the car, which was my fault.
The Good:
– Even though heart camp superpowers are fading a bit (can’t live in huge expansion forever), I’m still just so entirely capable. Things that would throw me for huge loops just don’t. Everything is so easy.
– I went back to yoga! First time in years. And it was beautiful.
– Grounding and opening my heart is basically the answer to everything. It’s wonderful.
– I decided to take over a piece of living room furniture for my altar and it’s been soooo lovely having a place to light candles for people.
– I went back on FB to say goodbye and now I have and I’m done with it.
– Like, five+ people I know are pregnant and I’m less than 2% sad that I’m not. This is huge.
– We asked about joysparks for all the baby stuff, both her current toys and clothes, and the stuff we were storing. We sold some and donated some and gave some to friends and organized the rest. It’s felt so unapproachable for *months* but it was easy and we did it in four hours. And now the house is a million times nicer and cleaner. And we have empty drawers and shelves and her closet is beautiful.
– I got rid of one satellite. There are a lot left. Like, hundreds. But my mission is not so much to have no satellites as to always be coming into present time and releasing. Satellites and anything else. So this is a start.
– Finally got my teaching assignment for this next year. So far it looks like it’ll be really fun.
Oh, let’s see! Hello Friday, Hello Chickeneers!
A thing that worked: noticing when I was telling myself stories.
Next time I might: avoid self-deprecation. Seriously, what’s the point?
A hard thing: struggling to find the spaciousness.
A good thing: mail-order magic. 🙂
I now invoke the superpower of remembering my superpowers! Also, come in, please, Wheel of Fortune salve, I welcome you. <3
Cluck cluck cluck
The hard –
– hitting the bottom of a depression wave
– seriously, Milton Keynes is not a good idea. I am not convinced that it was even a good idea when they built it, but it is definitely not a good idea on a wet bank holiday Monday the day before the children go back to school dammit we should have thought of that
The good –
– I am getting better and better at dealing with this
– red nail varnish
– I have the best in-laws; they were really good about my crying all over the place, and they brought me cake back from the party I couldn’t go to
– I am writing! I have things I want to write about!
– colleague who Gets It gently explaining to colleagues who Don’t Get It that I really wouldn’t be wanting to Talk About It.
– unexpected belated birthday present!
– unexpected pub trip!
Hello Saturday,
This was the stuff that got me down:
– Arriving at h’s place, immediate entanglement in patterns and misunderstandings.
– Hands are itchy and I use cortisone cream two or three times a week.
– Still not back in the routine of cooking properly in the evenings and taking healthy left-overs to work.
And the stuff that cheered me up:
– Evening in female company.
– Getting to see family I don’t see a lot of normally because they decided to take a detour and spend the night.
– The farm has started its weekend apple and pumpkin sale and this makes saying good-bye to summer easier.
– I have been practicing TRE by myself since I had a session with someone almost two weeks ago. And since Tuesday I am suddenly so calm, it feels amazing. There have been a few little incidents that, albeit insignificant, tend to make my heart race but this week I have just been floating on a sea of calmness. It has given my life a different quality over the past days. If it is really related to TRE then I am again ever so grateful to R. who made me discover this technique. Also my arms and shoulders shook for the first time today while practicing and that felt amazing. @Havi: happy for your calmness.
– I made time for TRE, for yoga, for morning runs.
– Somebody who we thought would make stuff complicated at work turned out easy-going and super polite and that is a big relief because he will be around quite a bit over the next months.
– My colleague’s contagious laughter. We had to close the door at one point because we all ended up laughing hysterically for about ten minutes about something. No matter how intense work often is and how annoying some aspects of it can be, we laugh every day, what an amazing form of release.
Ola Chickeners! Breaths, hearts, pebbles all round..
The Hard:
– Coming face to face with the truth of why I got ill
– zero sales this month
– I can’t go away camping for the week in order to avoid the noise and commotion of my neighbours having an all-day open house for the entire NINE DAYS of the H.Art festival, because see above
The Bloomin’ Brilliant:
– Recognising that now is not then, and that I’m a long way down the road of healing
-Sparklepoints!
– The SuperPower of the Giant All-Cancelling Permission Slip, inspired by a post/comment from a few weeks back
– The Brilliant Crazy Idea that I had yesterday… will it happen? – Doesn’t matter. I used the permission slip, so it CAN happen if I want. Or not, if I change my mind. Hahaha!
An entire Glastonbury Ambient tent full of sparklepoints to you all for being awesome <3<3<3
I have no idea what a Glastonbury Ambient tent is but I feel so strongly that it is a good thing and that such a quantity of sparklepoints is exactly what is needed in the world! So much love for you!
Greetings and much love to all!
Not fun in my week,
-Not Enough Time… a very real feeling. But is it just a monster? … If so, how would I tell?
-[ ] Light shines on a pattern of mine which is not pleasant to see
-Feeling Everything’s On The Line. [likely another monster].
***
Good in my week!
***
-A million clews all around me!
-Friends!!!
-SOLIDARITY (warning: strong language) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZreaEK2-1D0
The Hard:
Getting intel from an unreliable source and putting it together with Clews I’d gathered and then viewed under the microscope of Assume the Worst, all of which led to rage and humiliation and terrible feelings.
The end of one of the best summers of all time.
The Good:
Going to the actual source with the reports of my findings and having him adjust the microscope and say “Does this look a little more accurate? And maybe come talk to me first before publishing the results next time. Those other people don’t work in the lab with us. The only people who really know what is happening with this experiment are the two of us.” And then we hugged.
Being able to actually talk to my lab partner about things. Past Me is very proud of Now Me for this new skill because she thought that the lab partners were always in charge and talking was the worst thing because it would involve finding out that we were the worst scientist in the history of science. But really talking to this lab partner actually makes the science better because we each know stuff the other person doesn’t and so talking helps.
One of the best summers of all time.
Finally learning how to ride the waves on the boat: don’t cling with all your might, you’ll get bruised. hold tight, but relax, and soften on the landing. This is a metaphor and this is not a metaphor.
Oh yeah, Intel From Unreliable Source, that is such a thing. Endless happy sparklepoints about figuring stuff out in the lab!