I have issues with relaxation.
Well. Let’s just say that I don’t really like it.
Resistance to comfort. It’s my thing.
Clarification: I do actually love the sensation of being relaxed when I’m there, but I don’t like a lot of things that are supposed to be relaxing.
In the meantime, I’ve been working on becoming someone who can be a little more comfortable with relaxation in different forms.
By taking on a practice that is actually — and weirdly — a lot more challenging than it sounds.
A month of relaxation.
I’ve already started.
Because I’m sneaky that way. I have to work my way into things before I can commit to them actually happening. Today is Day Six. Gah! Day Six! See? Stressful already.
What does “a month of relaxation” even mean?
Am I relaxing for a month? Hell, no.
Because that would be terrifying. Plus I have about a million things going on right now.
So no. My commitment is to spend one hour a day doing things that I personally find relaxing. Yes. I have a list.
And yes, it was totally stressful coming up with a list of things that I find relaxing. And if you just snickered, you’re in really good company.
The “people vary” caveat.
My list isn’t your list.
Stuff that you find relaxing, I might find kind of anxiety-inducing.
Like massage. I have trouble with it. Love the results, issues with the process. My stuff. But there you are.
So the important thing here is not “these are things that are relaxing” but these are things that are relaxing for me.
Also, it’s bizarre how hard it was to find things that count as relaxing that don’t come with non-relaxing stowaways. Like, reading a book could be relaxing but then I have to remember to order stuff from the library (not relaxing).
And obviously everything is made more complicated by the fact that relaxation itself stresses me out, but let’s not get too tangled up here.
Some things that could potentially count as relaxing. For me.
- A bath. Or a foot bath. With Lisa’s salts that make everything better.
- Going to a spawna (my word for any kind of spa-ish place that also has a sauna)
- Giving myself a massage with Heidi’s magic potions (my favorite — surprise! — is called Losing It)
- Listening to a yoga nidra recording. It’s kind of hard to find any that aren’t ridiculously cheesy and annoying, so if you have recommendations, bring it on.
- Doing an hour of non-sucky yoga. Or my genius Old Turkish Lady yoga. Or restorative eye-pillow feel-like-I’m-floating yoga.
- Taking a nap.
- Or going to take a nap and then not napping but resting my eyes and breathing.
- Listening to my crazy Germany hypnosis CD that I love even though it’s kind of insane. Oh that Werner!
- Falling down. I mean, jumping on my tiny trampoline until I fall down.
- Taking my duck to the park.
Aaand a little discomfort to make all that comfort more bearable.
I’m also starting a practice of spending an hour naked every day.
Which is not even slightly relaxing or comfortable for me but I’m hoping will become more so.
Just to be clear, this is not part of my relaxation-comfort practice.
It’s more, you know, to balance the comfort with some discomfort since comfort makes me uncomfortable.
If that makes no sense, I can’t help you. Just assume that I’m trying a bunch of stuff and practicing and it’s weird and hard and complicated.
I’ll probably report back.
Especially since reporting back is the curse of blogging and also I kind of can’t help it.
If you want to join me in the grand experiment, you’re more than welcome.
Whether your experience of this whole thing is more “wa-hoo a month of relaxingness oh the joy!” or more “crap crap crap that sounds like an entire month of horrible” … it would still be nice to have some company.
Comment zen for today.
Please don’t tell me that massage is relaxing or if I just tried X KIND OF BODYWORK I would love it.
I have abuse history. Being touched by strangers is not fun for me.
Massage is something I can work on getting more comfortable with, but it’s really not something I want to actively take on for my month of relaxation.
Oh. I can also do without anyone pointing out the irony of a yoga and meditation teacher who can help other people relax because I just pointed it out myself. Awesome.
I think that’s it. Basically, if you can be gentle with my baby practice, I would appreciate it.
And if you want to use this space to launch a mini-practice of your own, share stories or complain about how stressful relaxation can be, rock on.
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I have different issues around massage, namely that the cheaper the massage the better, because the more it costs the more i MUST.ENJOY.IT and then I get so freaked and tense I might as well have ridden the Coney Island Cyclone instead.
But overall, relaxation, yuck. numbness, yay.
Often I confuse the two. But a few things that for me seem relaxing-but-not-numb are:
looking at cookbooks and/or seed catalogs
sitting outside with the sun on my face
petting a cat whose fur is warm from said sun
puttering around the garden
cooking something that takes all day to cook, something that has a lot of ingredients and spice but not a lot of fancy techniques and timing
riding a bus or train
something manually repetitive. like I once spent four relaxing hours removing dust from a scanned photograph pixel by pixel WITHOUT DRUGS.
i’m working on it.
.-= Shannon´s last post … The Art of Non-Conformity » “I’ve Just Been So Busy Lately” =-.
Relaxing is hard. And wrapped in Stuff with a ribbon around it. It always gets pushed to the last position on my list, and then falls off for running out of time. I also don’t like massages, unless it is done by my sister or my – currently hypothetical – Boy Friend.
When I need some relaxing, I like to stare out of the window. There is some water and trees out there, so I can watch water birds and other birds going about their business. My neighbours might think I’m a nosy git, but I don’t actually notice much when I’m staring.
Another thing is knitting stockinette in the round. That is the same stitch over and over without having to turn or stop in any way. It’s hypnotizing and requires no thinking.
The ritual of making a really fine cup of Yogi tea calms me down. I can pick a flavour, I’ll boil the water on the stove instead of the super fast electrical cooker, then it needs some time to get to the right strength, add some honey and milk. After that, I’ll drink it while staring out of the window, or light a candle and stare at that.
I’ll join you by doing some of my personal relaxing things every day. Maybe not for an hour, but a bit. Every day. I could do with some decompressing.
I used to think facials were relaxing. Until I realized that they felt like torture and that someone’s hot hands on my face was one of the most unpleasant experiences ever. (cool hands, yes. warm/hot hands, no.)
I relax by kneading dough and chopping things.
Can fully understand the massage thing. I love head massage, though.
What do I find relaxing? Cooking and baking, sitting on the couch with a cup of tea and a really stupid women’s magazine. Sitting in the sun. Looking at the sea. Going for walks. Pottering around the house. And, like Inge, lokking out of the window or into the light of a candle with a cup of tea.
A brilliant Yoga Nidra CD: It’s called “Yoga Nidra” (surprise)by James Jewell and you can order it via his website http://www.yogamountainyogasea.com. He has an absolutely magic voice and it is accompagnied by wonderful cello music. There are two in his store, this is the first. I also love the second one with the chakra meditation.
Havi, hooray for you, for taking on this practice of spending an hour a day doing what relaxes you. True relaxation brings a quality of ease that’s deeply reassuring, so I’ll join you in your journey, if I may. 🙂
For me to relax, it helps to first clear my body and energy field of anything that doesn’t belong to me or that isn’t in present time. That usually takes care of 90% of the stress.
After that, here are some of my favorite things:
* Walking, especially along the beach or among old growth trees
* Listening to music I love
* Yoga Nidra (I have a couple of spoken-word CD’s from Swami Satyananda Saraswati and Swami Muktidharma that are the real thing)
* Resting into warm water–pool, hot tub, bathtub, mineral pool…the form doesn’t matter so long as it’s in a quiet, peaceful place
* Half a day of massage, reflexology and other delights at my favorite spa, which has a wonderful mineral pool and hot tub too
* A treatment from my osteopathic physician
* Reading in bed
* Watching the tide flow in and out; eagles, wild geese and swans own the sky; sea lions and harbor seals splashing in the bay
Wishing you all deep rest and relaxation!
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Sunday Poem: Buddhist Chronicles 8 =-.
Keeping in mind that I work full-time in a government office, and am quite sedentary for much of this time, one of the things I find most relaxing is a Sunday afternoon gently cleaning my house. This needs to be with the right attitude. Not: “my house is a mess and I must clean it!”, but “the shine of my bathroom sink when I have given it a wipe makes me smile. But the oven can wait till next week”. I discovered this during that blessed time when my life was my own and no-one else had a claim on it. (not that the current situation is not also blessed)
Otherwise, long walks around my neighbourhood at dusk, looking at the local architecture, and admiring the small beauties. Even better is running my hands along the plants as I walk past, or giggling with the birds that are singing.
A game of Carcassone with my love-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carcassonne_(board_game)
Spending the time to have a morning brunch of poached eggs on sourdough toast in a sunny cafe wiht good music and the bustle of my community while reading the colour supplement of an intelligent newspaper.
Sitting in a park where the local dog owners bring their dogs to allow them the freedom to run around together, laughing at their antics, and not minding the occasional inquisitive nose.
Thinking about it, I’ve not been able to do many of these things through 2009. No wonder I’ve not been feeling as centred. Thanks for the space to reflect.
.-= Karinne´s last post … Things that are weird #6: Snow =-.
Thank the gods, I am not the ONLY one that has a hard time relaxing!! Its like I get to the edge of being relaxed and something happens and its all sorts of “I must relax” and “No, you need to get X,Y, and Z done”!
I relax with needlework… sounds very domestic (laugh), doesn’t it. Many of my friends think that it is stressful, trying to make sure you put the right colour in the right place, over tiny linen weave, when all the colours and symbols are very similar. I don’t know why, i just don’t worry so much when I am doing it. Knitting is SUPPOSED to be relaxing, but I haven’t gotten to that place yet.
And I don’t feel terribly comfortable with massage either, I find it hard to let strangers touch me, but that doesn’t stop everyone from saying it is relaxing.
Whatever you do it will rock for YOU 🙂
.-= pam´s last post … I want to change my approach to Spirituality =-.
Normally I am a Lurker, but my Strangers (Havi’s “Stucknesses”) are yelling at me to hang out here a bit. Good for them!
I find it heartbreaking that my mantra of the last few months as been:
No shelter. No refuge. No calm.
(the Strangers add: If you calm down, if you dare relax, your guard will be down. You’ll be caught unawares and get sucker-punched.)
It seems there’s no cover from the life hurricane. When I think about relaxing, its kind of like unicorns and fairy tales. I went from completely unemployed (old scary) to a 2-job 7-day work week (new scary).
After coming down with a severe case of the tonsil monsters that took me OUT of work for 7 days, I calmed down a bit and demanded (whole new kind of scary) that I have one day to myself.
Silver lining? Gnarly illnesses really put me in the moment, more relaxed than any vacation, because I give myself permission to do things like sit in bed all day, cry during TV shows, sleep, and not do much else.
The Tonsil Monster Attack hit me as hard as the realization that the world goes on without me and my strangers, that I create and manifest my life as I am able. There’s a lot of space in that; it’s even refuge-like.
.-= Doc´s last post … L.Ac.; No M.D. =-.
Oh, I am so in. Nice experiment.
“Waste” of “luxurious” time can be relaxing for me, not always but it would be great if it could be. i.e:
– staying in
– falling asleep in my bed on a weekend afternoon
– flickring/interneting, looking at random, beautiful pictures for hours
– blogs, books that are funny and/or have substance ( one dimensional stuff rather results in discomfort)
– painting ( although I need to pass a certain threshold of 1-2 hours after which it starts to be relaxing)the same is true for
– walking and
– driving outside the city ( generally escaping city is relaxing ) or
– cleaning up (probably, because I don’t have to think lol)
….I’ve got the sense of a contradiction lining up here..activities that are relaxing to relax from activities..yay 😉
This is actually surprisingly relaxing, reading everyone’s lists of things that can be relaxing. 🙂
@Karinne – I also find cleaning relaxing. It’s such a ritualized thing and then everything looks so much nicer too. And doing dishes.
@Doc – hi to your Strangers from my Stucknesses! And refuge is a Very Good Word. I like it.
Off to ponder what today’s relaxing thing will be. And then not to do it quite yet.
Love to everyone, and thanks for the yoga nidra recommendations! Yay.
Yep.
Relaxation does seem harder b/c it actually takes consciousness and intention.
Stressing and tensing – those things happen without us having to consciously do something to get that way. It just happens.
When I heard this distinction from Lester Levinson all my tension made total sense. Duh! I’d just never learned that it was going to happen unconsciously and that if I wanted to undo it and relax, I was actually going to have to do it consciously and *make* it happen.
So it can totally be weird to bring relaxation to the forefront of our attention and actually do something so that it happens…
Like the way my shoulders unintentionally creep up toward my ears sometimes while I’m typing at a desk. All of a sudden I realize they’re there and I have to consciously relax and bring my shoulders down.
Otherwise, who *knows* how high they would have gone without me even recognizing it.
Some things that I find relaxing:
– Laying in shivasana and consciously scanning my body for any muscles that I can relax and let go of…even just a little bit more than I just did.
– Laying in the sun at the beach.
– Putting a bunch of cream on my feet and then covering them with thick fuzzy socks.
– Closing my eyes and listening to myself breathe.
– Closing my eyes and listening to the sounds outside the house like a little orchestra.
Noticing that most of my relaxing things have to do with non-movement. Like being really still. I do crave stillness. Deeply.
I see that now… xoxo
.-= Mona´s last post … monagrayson: Got something really cool you’d like to see done by the end of the week? Come Miracle Launch it into existence. I did: http://bit.ly/7eWv9i =-.
I agree that reading everyone’s list is pretty relaxing.
I share the baths, self-massage, spawna, yoga, naps and park relaxation action.
Other stuff I love to do to relax:
reading magazines at the library
people watching at cafes
sitting by the ocean, river, creek
driving through the redwoods
.-= Tami´s last post … The First Day of (Half Marathon) School =-.
Havi, mmm… A daily hour of relaxation. Good for you! And I love the sneaky tactic of doing something for a bit, than announcing it to the world. Reminds me of chicken-iguanability in one’s head… Awesome, I am totally going to apply it to my routines. And it was nice and relaxing to read your list of things – thank you for sharing!
My most relaxing thing: ironing. It’s warm, totally consuming, mind-clearing, and when it’s done, it’s DONE and I have a bunch of neat, fresh clothes.
And can I join with my practice? I think I’m going to start mine around dressing pretty when at home. Because it’s for me and for my space – wearing pretty tops, maybe some jewellery, and doing something fun with my hair. (As opposed to “no-one sees me, so I might as well lounge in not-so-fresh pajamas”.) In fact, I already started. Yay for sneaky tactics!
Sending gentlenesses to Havi’s baby relaxation practice.
Jenia
I thought I was just going to be a “me too” and then I was sitting here being all tense because I’d like to make something for me, something red and valentiney and maybe inspired a bit by Steampunk aesthetic, and maybe to make a few extras to send to friends just because I love ’em. And that voice is saying “But you need to do stuff for your blog and your shows and, and, and…”
And I realized making stuff for me/to play and experiment is on the “I don’t have time for this” list, even though playing relaxes me.
What I find relaxing that does not get the voice going:
Freshly washed fleecy pajamas and my squooshy marshmallow socks.
Baking for myself, because then I feel nurtured (quick thought, how many of us have trouble relaxing because it is self nurturing and we’re “supposed” to take care of everyone else first?)
Drizzly days curled up on the sofa watching Little Women (Winona version) or Young Sherlock Holmes and imagining myself in that slower-paced world.
Long hot showers with tons of bubbly, foamy bath wash on bright pink poofs. If that stuff had been around when I was a kid, my mother never would have had to drag me to the tub.
Visiting the Franklin Park Conservatory and breathing in all the plant ozone. Feeding the koi and lories there. Talking to the plants and telling them how pretty they are.
What sounds like it could be relaxing/fun:
Building a fort somewhere in the house where I could keep a box of crayons and a pad of paper and maybe a few coloring books to doodle in. Some magazines and some scissors and paste to collage with. It would have tons of pillows to lounge on and a few treasured books to read. Re-read books are the best, because I already know the people in them, and I always catch the nuances of plot and different details on each re-read.
Sending love to all of our baby practices, and warm snuggly blankets to keep them all safe.
.-= Andi´s last post … Two Shows, Two Openings =-.
It’s interesting – I never thought about how we have to force ourselves to relax, but stress comes naturally. It seems as though teaching myself how to react more calmly in any situation might reduce the natural-stress-reaction. I hope! Here are some things I do to relax:
• Tea with milk and honey.
• Long, hot bath with bath bombs (they really are the bomb)
• Warm kitty tummy. (Maybe borrow Pumpkin Cat tummy for your purposes?)
• Hulu or Boxee for old movies/Dr. Who reruns (they sure run a lot – no wonder there are no fat characters!)
• Walks – even around a city if you’ve got an iPod.
• If it’s blustery outside, I dive under a comforter and just lay quietly for half an hour or so.
Happy Monday, everyone!
Hmm, I’m not sure how useful my suggestion I posted on yesterday’s post will be in light of this one, but I am still glad I wrote the one without the influence of the other.
An hour a day? Rock on!
I have mixed feelings about massage myself, but my way around it at present is one of those cushions you put on a chair and plug in, combo rolling & shiatsu: niiice.
Yoga can be good if it’s not too hard for my very inflexible self.
Not having to get up at a particular time can be pretty relaxing. Dozing, pondering, coming to wakefulness gradually.
Solitude, FTW!
Relaxation is such a subjective thing. I’m right there with you on hot baths tho. Love them. I also think the hot drink of your choice can be very relaxing. Sometimes I take a cup of hot, steamy goodness and stand by the window (it’s winter in Chicago) where I can really see the steam rise from the cup. I love to read, crochet, and knit as well. And things that used to relax me don’t anymore like journaling. So what does relax you changes over time as well. And some things that relax me I can’t just call up, like hearing it rain or a really good thunderstorm. I love a really good thunderstorm at night because I know I will sleep like a baby (I’m from Oklahoma, we Tornado Alley people are weird that way). All I can say is experiment, experiment, experiment! That’s really all you can do.
I hate that I missed Friday Chicken last week. A bully of migraine kicked my ass. Can’t tell you how much I hate that.
Also, I want Your Gentleman Friend to take pictures of Old Lady Turkish Yoga because I just have to see what that looks like. It’s a great visual.
.-= Shawna R. B. Atteberry´s last post … Company Girl Coffee: I survived the holidays edition! =-.
I sometimes have the same reaction to relaxing–it stresses me out. Sometimes it’s stress about how I’m not doing any relaxing, sometimes it’s about how I don’t want to spend the money on X relaxing bodywork, or sometimes it’s stress about not having time to do relaxing stuff because I have so much work. Yuck, right?
This is awesome that you’re taking this on. 30 days of relaxation, one hour a day will likely have amazing benefits for you. I esp. love some of the comments about just giving yourself an hour to wander and dream. Love.
I’m glad you’re inspiring others to do this as well. Because we can’t always be at lovey-dovey super-relaxing retreats. We totally need some good tools for relaxing within our day-to-day minutiae. Rock on Havi!
.-= Ana´s last post … Creatuitive Living #15: Claiming Your Passion =-.
“Ack! I can’t relax”? You sound like Cathy from the funny pages . . . with the crucial difference that you are actually entertaining to read.
Oh my gosh, your relaxation process is made of awesome sauce! I *totally want* to do this. Even though it makes me think “ack!” and “But I don’t have an hour!”
Hm. Must think about this!
I seem to have a hard time relaxing unless I have a migraine, which isn’t so relaxing. I like the theory of relaxing, and often tell other people they should take time to relax, but my brain thinks I should be working every waking moment. I blame the Puritans.
Must schedule more time to meditate.
.-= Riin´s last post … Hey! I can see! =-.
I adore this: “If that makes no sense, I can’t help you.” Boundaries, yay!
I have very often gone to take a nap and then not-napped instead. Sometimes what I really needed was to lie down in a comfy place and notice my breathing. (Not only is this not-napping, it is definitely not-meditating. Because even though I am trained in the art of meditation and appreciate its benefits and also have occasionally even LOVED it, I am 99% wildly resistant to it.)
Things I find relaxing:
– stitching things (but only if I am not trying to follow a pattern of some kind, because that involves too much Thinking and perhaps a wee bit of Resistance as well)
– singing along with familar CDs or mixes
– dancing to familiar CDs (current favorite: Bjork’s “Debut”)
– snuggling with a cat and/or with my sweetie
– yoga, occasionally
– coloring (I like mandalas especially)
– watching familiar movies that make me laugh (current old-favorite is Grosse Pointe Blank, but also love Saved and Miss Congeniality)
– making lists, when they are not to-do lists
.-= Tracy´s last post … Reflection: Self-Care for Artists =-.
Okay, I’m with you; I will take an hour (!) for dedicated relaxation every day, starting today, and for the next 30 days. I’ve had to give a little thought, though, about how to set this up to best address my own issues regarding relaxation.
Here’s the thing: I often am pretty good at giving myself time, I’m just not always good at using it mindfully. So, I wind up doing things like writing in my journal with one hand and checking email with the other, or sitting in a cafe for an hour but spending half that time worrying and in monkey mind mode. So, for me, part of the practice will be slowing down, breathing.
Also, I really would love to be able to bring more of the qualities of relaxation into my work, into every aspect of my life, really. I think there’s a jittery little critter in my head who believes that I am required to be tense when I work. Needless to say, this causes problems! So, maybe the daily practice of relaxing for an hour (does it have to be all at once, or can I break up the time? Well, I’ll experiment…) can help me learn to access a more peaceful state of being even when I’m working.
A few things that would count as relaxing pastimes for me:
–Swimming.
–Coloring in a coloring book.
–Dozing (somewhere between napping and not-napping), sometimes alone, sometimes in the company of people who love me.
–Having someone I trust hold me and stroke my hair.
–Humming/toning/vocal improvisatory meandering.
–Walking or driving someplace new and interesting, and taking in the surroundings.
–Soaking in a hot tub.
–Stretching. Oh, I’m going to stretch right now!
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Dramatis personae =-.
Oh! You mean I can go to take a nap, and even I don’t nap, I can enjoy relaxing by closing my eyes and breathing? My Inner Puritan is astonished by this. (“What’s the point of taking a nap if you can’t promise you’ll fall asleep? Keep working!!”)
This takes a lot of the pressure off. Seriously. There may be more naps-or-restful-non-naps in my future.
.-= Janet Bailey´s last post … Slowing down for the new year =-.
You can do the relaxation thing. I believe in you.
And then I was thinking about things I do to relax and haven’t done for a while and I remembered that great feeling I get on Saturdays when the whole city is quiet and when I have a good book and I sit out on my mirpeset in the sun with something to nibble on and drink (warm or cold, depends on the weather).
[For those of you who don’t know what a mirpeset is, it’s like a balcony, except it’s in Israel and it is somehow different, but I can’t explain exactly how it’s different.]
Tongue tied with the bravery of your words and the smartness of your plan. Discomfort and comfort – since having one without the other would be way too much. At least that’s how I heard it. Yep I relate. Lots. But the thing that inspires me the most is that you really are the master of your own healing. YOU decide the how-when-what of it and knowone else gets to. I doubt I’d have heard anywhere else share there plan to use your naked form and discomfort as a strategy for expanding into more feelings of self comfort. But it IS a heart smart thing to do, that’s right for you, fits your situation and is therefore wonderful and invaluable to hear about. That, for me at least, is soooo important, vital. Being the master (that sounds very male and unduckish but am too tired to find a better term – sorry!)of your own healing and that you decide exactly how to greet your own pain. So I am gonna think more around this. If I can I hope to notice all the good stuff I avoid and am resistant to giving to myself, as well as noticing just how far I’ve come, which no matter my stuck in work, with my creative mojo, is really very far.
Hugest thanks and kisses : Mwuah!
L x
This is so interesting. There are a lot of things I’m bad at – waking up early, operating kitchen equipment without injury, keeping myself fed – but relaxing I never thought of as a challenge. Naps, hotsprings, massages, reading, writing letters, yoga, tea, all good stuff to me in any quantity at just about any time.
I totally get how relaxing could be resisty, though. The variety is wonderful: thunderstorms, ironing, photo correction… Hoping everyone finds the kinds and amounts of ahhhhs that work for them.
PS I also love Grosse Pointe Blank and hate facials.
.-= Sandra´s last post … Say it with dried squid covered in chocolate =-.
I’m never relaxed unless I’ve taken too much cold medicine, which is not relaxing anyways.
I really do wonder what relaxation is? Is it when the body is at rest or the mind or the spirit or all at once. Why is that so good? What if we said it was okay to just be stressed out, to tell ourselves that it wasn’t bad and we don’t now need to do work to get relaxed?
Relaxation is an ideal in Western culture. Put it to rest?
.-= Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last post … A Studio, the Aperture of Aspiration =-.
Oh, I’m right there with you on the relaxation thing. I’m an enneatype 9, so I have the hardest hardest time separating relaxation from “numbing out.” I can numb out with the best of them! And I’m totally crap at relaxing, because whoo, stuff comes up then.
But here’s what I’m trying to do to relax but not numb out:
–Drink my tea mindfully and breathe
–Sit on a park bench and watch the world around me (okay, this is what I do when it’s not January)
–Hot bath. If I’m especially tense, I combine hot bath with hot tea.
–Intersperse little five-minute relaxation sessions into my day, because one big one stresses me out.
–Massage my head and neck muscles
–Doodle. See what comes out of my pen.
–Cut out pretty pictures for collage. Or go through magazines to tear out pretty pictures for collage that I pile up to cut out neatly later.
I’m looking forward to hearing how this goes for you!
Julie
.-= Julie´s last post … Should he go to graduate school? =-.
@Sandra –
Okay, I’m thinking we need an informal people who watch Grosse Pointe Blank and hate facials club of some kind.
At our International Meetings we send our girlfriends off to get pedicures or whatever they do for relaxation and then we throw a fit, go for a walk with a duck and watch John Cusack be John Cusack. It could be a thing.
@Lydia –
I think that’s a useful thing to remember — that a lot of us have big crazy shoulds around the whole concept of “relaxation”.
And I would totally say — to anyone here — that if there are shoulds attached, then it totally doesn’t have to be something you need to do and maybe not doing it is a good thing.
For me, this really isn’t about relaxation as a should. It’s about two things:
Thing One is my own body experience of getting to a point where I trust my body in a deep way and I feel really grounded. This is the thing that happens when I actually relax. When I do this, good things happen in my life. But doing it scares me so I resist it. Which is why ….
Thing Two … thing two is about me having a conscious relationship with myself and things in my life. And right now I’m trying to have a conscious relationship with the concept of relaxation in all of its forms.
Part of that is having a heightened awareness of the communal stuck that you’ve so aptly identified — the undue pressure in our society that has romanticized calm in ways that are totally unhealthy.
And another part is discovering my own relationship with this thing I call relaxation, and what happens to me when I peel away the parts that are harmful and find the core truth of being quiet. Which for me is useful.
I certainly don’t want my process to turn into someone else’s should. And at the same time, this is a practice and an interaction that I’m consciously choosing. Part of it involves permission to find things stressful, and part of it involves permission to find out what happens when I connect with quiet. It’s all useful for me.
That doesn’t mean, of course, that it has to be useful for you or for anyone else. Since the ideal situation is each of us having our *own* conscious relationship to the things we’re working on, and not the *same* conscious relationship to them because that would be kind of horrible. 🙂
Anyway, thanks for letting me go deeper into explainey-ness, that helped clarify some things (possibly just for me!)
You’re also right that we didn’t *define* relaxation here as a term, which means that we’re also all kind of talking past each other with our personal associations and definitions. All words are loaded and this one maybe more than others.
I’ll do some more thinking to break down my own personal definition, but the cursory version would probably include:
[+ mental quiet] [+ closeness with myself] [+ perspective] [+ renewal] [+ softness]
All of which are things I’m interested in knowing more about or experiencing more of, which is why it’s something I can commit to practicing and experimenting with.
But really all of this is done with an experimental mindset: if I decide or find that my definition of relaxation isn’t working, it can change. Or if my *experience* of relaxation isn’t fulfilling, I can decide that it’s not something I want to be working on.
And I think that’s at the core of what you are saying (or what I understood from your words) — that power is found in the decision to interact, not in the thing we think we desire.
“people who watch Grosse Pointe Blank and hate facials club”
I haven’t had a facial yet to know if I hate it, but Grosse Pointe Blank is one of those go-to movies when my stress level is at Elmo and I can vicariously blow off some steam.
I’ll bring the popcorn! 😉
.-= Andi´s last post … Little Steps =-.
Havi, I’m laughing because I wrote a whole post a while back about how I didn’t find those so-called “relaxing” things relaxing. Especially not massage. Yoga, either, for that matter.
I think instead of asking people not to tell me I needed to give yoga and massage a shot, I dared them to. Because I knew they would anyway. Should’ve gone with the straight “please don’t” approach you used here.
The things I find relaxing are more along the lines of eating Chinese food in front of the TV. As long as there’s something good on.
(Post: “You call that relaxing?” http://talkingshrimp.com/2009/11/11/you-call-that-relaxing/)
.-= Laura Belgray´s last post … Free trip to Europe!* =-.
Everytime someone says to me “relax now” I cringe and get more tense. It’s impossible to relax on command. But if I want to practice relaxation, the first thing I do is to switch off the phone and the Internet. Then I take a long walk. I found that being outside, among trees and nature, is a helpful remainder that there are things in the world much larger than my tension and my worries. Is this something that might work for you too?
I cannot for the life of me understand why people find laying in water, stewing in your own grime relaxing. (It may not surprise that I find swimming pools too unsavoury to contemplate). I just don’t get it. Even when I visited the Blue Lagoon, as soon as I was in, I wanted to get out and do something actually enjoyable, like having a hot beverage.
Strangely though, I find showers wonderfully relaxing. Being near the sea is my ultimate relaxant, it just pulls all the stress out of me. When I lived hundred of kilometres from the nearest ocean, I became a bit desperate for my sea time.
.-= Jane´s last post … Hutong =-.
Haha. @Jane — I’m with you. Baths = ewwww.
.-= Laura Belgray´s last post … Free trip to Europe!* =-.
@Jane — Someday, I’d like to visit a Japanese bath house, where proper etiquette is to scrub yourself thoroughly before soaking in the tub! Also, I agree with you completely about the seaside.
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Dramatis personae =-.
I’m sorry this comment isn’t very relaxation related. I just wanted to say that I just received my brand new Shivanata DVD. I seriously welled up when I discovered you had included a hand-written note. You don’t even know me! (yet?) What sweet kindness. Thank you.
I am learning that I have a wall of false relaxation all around me. I am very relaxing to other people, and I often *feel* relaxed… but then I have a panic attack. Ha! The body is a puzzling place.
Recognizing that I protect myself from feeling stress is something that I have been working on. When I don’t let myself feel stress, I am *oblivious* until it piles up and I break down in a bit pile of panic. Yay!
So! I have committed to checking in with my Anxiety Monster every night of January. As in “HI Anxiety! How was your day!?” And she usually answers with an “F-you!” But the more I check in, the more she trusts me and calms down. This is how I find out if I am stressed or not, because I can’t feel the clues (yet – I’m working on it). So far, I feel progress, and that is encouraging.
I will keep checking in with her (and forgiving myself if I forget for a day) until I ask her if she’s okay for awhile on her own and she says YES. Then we will take it from there – possibly then I will start visiting with another monster… like maybe Guilt? Ha!
xo
This is totally off the topic, but I can’t wait for the Friday Chicken, and I would really love the prayers, good thoughts, mojo, and karma (whatever you want send) from this group.
My parents are getting divorced. I can’t go into details online, but it is the right thing to do. But it’s still hard. If you could keep my parents, sister, niece, and me in your prayers, that would a be a great comfort. Thank you.
It’s just been a shitty, shitty day, and I have gotten nothing done. And I just don’t care.
.-= Shawna R. B. Atteberry´s last post … Why I want to be a whale =-.
Oh, I completely get this – it often takes a fair bit to get my busy head to switch off. And like @Christine Forest, someone telling me to relax instantly makes me tense up.
Relaxing things:
pottling around in the garden – getting my hands in some earth is about as ‘grounding’ as it gets!
massages but only from people I trust
hot tubs and spas but not saunas, they’re just tiring
sometimes knitting (I knit a lot and I say I do it for ‘fun’ and ‘relaxation’ but it can just as easily be stressful)
sitting in the sunshine with a cup of tea
sometimes after sex
sitting by the ocean or running water
.-= Kirsty Hall´s last post … Snow Days =-.
I love the idea of an ‘inner puritan’ I think I have an ‘inner calvinist’ AND an ‘inner slavedriver’.
Now I know from the past that fun relaxing type stuff actually makes me more productive and more creative but I have to relearn it over and over again.
I tried to wriggle out of a walk on the beach this morning… and what would I have done instead – probably procrastinate on the computer!
And the things that other people find relaxing ! competitive cycle rides urgh !
I find sitting outside with a cup of coffee when its wark
knitting
reading non literary books
listening to BBC Radio 7 serials
Reading sunday newspapers and magazines
Brunch out.
Wandering slowly around city
walking beside water
.-= creativevoyage´s last post … another dollup of happiness =-.
@Shawna — Oh, I am so sorry to hear about this! I will keep you in my thoughts, and hold you in my heart.
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Dramatis personae =-.
I mean sitting outside with a cup of coffee when its WARM !
.-= creativevoyage´s last post … another dollup of happiness =-.
I believe one episode of Slings and Arrows is 45 minutes. That should take care of 3/4 of the hour. You could spend the remaining 15 minutes getting ready to watch (tea & blankie) and then afterwards tweeting favourite quotes from the episode.
My favourite in case you were wondering: “That’s so specific!”
That’s a suggestion, not advice right?
.-= Christina´s last post … The Danger of the Single Story =-.
@havi Oh, yes! We could throw in any other movies with both John and Joan. Love them together.
@jane and laura, I hear ya. Luckily, here in Japan, like Kathleen said, the entire population agrees with you and no one would dream of getting in the tub without getting squeaky clean first.
.-= Sandra´s last post … Tickets for Sapporo Snow Festival still available =-.
If only I could watch Top Gear in the bathtub, my relaxation ritual would be perfect.
I am quickly getting addicted to massage, however. Went from one a month to two a month, and I suspect I am not stopping here. I finally found a nice lady who listens when I tell her “no digging or probing, please.” I am a tender little grape, I bruise very easily.
.-= Sonia Simone´s last post … How To Write For Regular Readers =-.
@Kathleen Thank you! I really appreciate it.
I will totally join the “people who watch Grosse Pointe Blank and hate facials club”! I’ve been nodding my head all the way through the comments.
I love to drink a cup of tea, stare into the distance, walk in a park, etc too. Weirdly, though, I find I can only enjoy doing all those things these days if I’ve done some sweaty exercise – it seems to burn through the cortisol and leave me relax-able.
I tried, but I never liked massage until a friend gave me a Thai massage last year – stretching and pressure points, like the best yoga class ever – but all the hard work done by somebody else! And fully clothed, so you don’t end up with oily clothes and hair afterward. Come to think of it, I must look up a Thai masseuse around here and have another one.
Aah relaxation – actually I’m becoming more relaxed about life as I get older. I do sit and meditate every day for an hour. That forces me to relax my brain – which is where all the anxiety stuff emerges from.