Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Island time may be a metaphor but I still need to get to the island, you know?
Here’s what I want:
Island time is something I got from metaphor mouse, and I don’t really want to get into it, but it’s a thing I’m doing this week.
It involves adding vacation-like aspects to your life when you’re not actually on vacation. It’s part mindset, part system and part practice.
Anyway, island time! It’s all week. And I’m feeling a little anxious that I’ll either forget about it or that I won’t be able to implement it.
So I’d like this week to be full of island time, and for this to happen with joy and ease and good island-like things.
Ways this could work:
Ha. I just remembered that this was my OOD last week, and I actually came up with a bunch of useful lists for this.
Of course I have no idea where they are, so it would help to find them.
I can also do some Shiva Nata on this. And I can use the Deguiltified Chicken Board at my Kitchen Table program — that’s been just astonishingly helpful for me lately.
And I can use my Hello, Day thing.
Also, I’m pretty sure that the anxious bits are well-meaning monster fears — they just want to know that I’ll be okay. So I can do some talking with them. Maybe some safe rooms?
My commitment.
To pay attention.
To maintain — as much as I can — the playful and inquisitive approach. Lots of curiosity, compassion, wonder and exploration.
And to take lots of notes.
Thing 2: Colleen. Colleen!
Here’s what I want:
My friend Colleen is one of my favorite people ever. She’s also watched me eat biscuits countless times. Not even a euphemism.
She’s doing this amazing, amazing thing right now called 50 for 50 to raise money for a VERY worthy project.
Ever since she told me about this a few months ago, I have been excited about her project and wondering what I can do to support her in this.
Ways this could work:
Well, I could make some space and time to answer her interview questions for her blog. Right.
And I could do some sort of fun promotion to raise monies to donate. Like at the Playground? Or an online thing? Or product sales from a certain time period?
I don’t know yet.
My commitment.
To meditate on this, to dance on it and to come up with something loving and creative.
Thing 3: Oodles of OODs!
Here’s what I want:
An OOD, as you will remember*, is an Object of Desire.
It’s kind of like a Gwish, but there’s a specific process for working on it, as opposed to just throwing it in the pot.
And I have so many things!
So many that I forget to do the OOD process.
I would like to come up with a list of OODs, so that I can use this technique with them and start figuring out which ones I might like to play with at Rally (Rally!).
* Not the Dr. Who kind, though that would be kind of awesome, yes.
Ways this could work:
The KT boards again.
Designated time.
Maybe I’ll go to the Playground and give it say, 45 minutes each day. Would that work?
Maybe there’s a way to do that and make it island-ey. I don’t know.
My commitment.
To remember that this is PLAY, and play means I don’t have to take anything too seriously.
It’s about creative exploration and being willing to be surprised.
And maybe making a big mess with glue and construction paper, if I want.
Thing 4: collect some Rally-relevant blog posts
Here’s what I want:
It’s come to my attention that I’ve written a ton of posts that would be especially useful for people thinking of or planning to come to Rally (Rally!).
And I thought it might be useful to collect a list of them.
Posts like fractal flowers and about following the rabbit holes and why it helps to proxy.
Also about avoidance. And the fox who designed video games, of course.
That way we could send people the list before they come or put it on the special secret page or something.
Ways this could work:
Let’s see.
I could ask you guys which posts you think would fit. Suggestions welcome!
And Rallions and Rallygators (still haven’t decided what we’re calling ourselves, apparently) who have already rallied with me.
Could flail on it. And sleep on it. And give it to the trees.
My commitment.
Maybe I can make an Incomplete and Temporary list.
And then we can add to it. That would be good.
Thing 5: Hey Portland people, what are you doing this Thursday?
Here’s what I want:
I really want to go on this walk through Overlook Park.
6pm this Thursday. An hour and half of walking and discovering neat things.
I would love some company! And I could even be persuaded to bring the Schmoppet…
Ways this could work:
Maybe I’ll put it up at the Frolicsome Bar (It’s Facebook but I only go there because we pretend it’s a bar) and invite some likely suspects.
Maybe you’re in PDX and are thinking this sounds like fun.
Maybe some of my neighbors would be into this.
My commitment.
To rejoice in this wonderful thing that is SUMMER. And live it up.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted fun, ease and play for Toozday’s Shiva Nata class, and it was crazy fun.
Then I wanted a happy brunching for Plum Duff and that was great. We sold out of the Gwish Kits right away, and it was a very good time. Very chill. But also with lots of excitement and enthusiasm. Just the way I wanted.
You guys were great when I asked for gushing, rambling incoherent quotes to describe my monster coloring book on the HAT — we used several of them. Thank you!
The next thing was progress on writing projects which both did and didn’t happen. That is to say, it did. Just not on the projects I’d had in mind. So I’m going to re-ask that one.
And I wanted prep for this non-vacation thing. Which was great because that’s how I got to metaphor-mousing it and coming up with Island Time. Feeling good about this!
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
Things that are welcome! Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
p.s. The First Mate just told me that there’s *one* more spot for the Shiva Nata August series. If you’re anywhere near the Playground, this is your chance. 🙂
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I totally ‘get’ island time and if it’s ok with you I’ll join you for today. I’m off to work on my current ood and I think I’ll wear shorts, a favourite T, a sun hat and take a glass of something long and cool. I wonder if I’ve got some cocktail umbrellas….ooh and a straw! (OK so it’s water with a slice of lime but that really is what I’d be having if I was on holiday!)
@Havi,
For posts on Rally (Rally!)! (Thing 4), maybe something on trampolining?
(By the way, about the fox who designs video games … look at these videos of foxes playing on trampolines! Makes me so happy to watch them!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdPI50E0Zdo and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8xJtH6UcQY )
VPA for today:
I want to work on a project later today. Monsters are so confident they are just lifting eyebrows and snickering, “Oh, you will so not even think about doing that today!”
It could happen if I use the yard cleanup technique I’ve been using — set a time for just starting. It’s sort of a proxy but it doesn’t have a name yet; it’s just starting as if by accident. Without thinking about why I’m doing it. (Hee hee, this fools the monsters because it allows them to be absolutely right!)
I will commit to doing one teeny part of the start in the afternoon and another part in the evening.
Mmmm, Island Time. I was on boat time yesterday and it was heavenly.
Update on last week:
Neck thing: pretty much gone.
Money thing: check.
Suitable suitors: not so much.
Job thingy: in process.
This Weeks VPAs:
1. For this thing that burst forth on Friday to find the jello-mold and turn into a Thing. Without anyone mocking me or saying “oh, how typical” or laughing at me or saying “ha ha no one will give her money she is so stupid to think we’d give her money for this. Boooo.” I would like the Perfect People to say “I’ve been waiting for this! Thank you! Here is my money I can’t wait!”
2. Renewing my ad for Suitable Suitors. Commitment: open eyes, open heart, open mind.
Sparkledust for everyone’s VPAs!
Whoa! I came here to throw my VPA into the (felted, quilted, put-a-bird-on-it) hat, and here there is a VPA already up there for me, shining gloriously in the new-week sun!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Havi, for creating that extra-special pirate VPA. (And thank you, Darcy, for dancing over to our own little (sparkly, knitted, soon-to-cover-a-baldy) hat and kicking in.
OKAY. With that amazing send-off, here are my VPAs.
Here’s what I want: For a new wave of momentum to come to the campaign, on the order of what we had at the first few days.
How this might happen: Well, Havi’s juju will certainly help; Havi’s friends already are. Maybe that continues. Maybe the amplification effect takes hold. Maybe 100 people go off and tell their 100 people and we go global. (I have a dream, and it involves many, many thousands of people giving $5 and $10 pledges. Because how cool is that?)
What I’m willing to do: Keep blogging. Keep posting interviews with great women writers. Coming up with some new, exciting, fun kinds of things to share. Devoting morning write to this every day. Expect miracles.
Here’s what I want: TO STAY WELL. To keep the Crohn’s at bay, no matter how much I want to succumb to sexy, sexy stress.
How this could happen: I could get things done more efficiently. (HA.) I could reach out for help, and delegate. I could…well, I don’t know. That’s about it. OH! I could let it be wild, as my friend the poet Akka B sez—let it be weeds. Let it be imperfect.
What I’m willing to do: Think about this. Check in with my peeps who have offered to help and really take them up on it. Commit to getting to bed no later than midnight. (That looks so sad in black & white.) Listen. Expect miracles.
THANK YOU, all!
Sunday again. Means I have a day off tomorrow. This rules.
Thing 1: a system
Here’s what I want:
I have this big writing project which I call The Fantastical Guide. As a component of this project, I need to be aware of new, up & coming authors in fantasy fiction. I want the task of keeping up with this information to happen with ease and flow. I want a system that will help make this happen.
Ways this could work:
I can try stuff in a playful, curious way, and take notes.
I can be patient, and remind myself that I don’t need to have a perfect system immediately. This may involve conversations with perfectionist monsters.
Something I haven’t thought of
Shiva Nata!
My commitment.
To stay open to perfect, simple solutions
Thing 2: Plane tickets
Here’s what I want:
I need to purchase the plane tickets to go to a wedding in October. I also have a vacation planned for September. Between these two trips, travel funds are feeling a little tight. Nonetheless, the tickets must be procured, and soon. I would like this to happen with ease and spaciousness.
Ways this could work:
The tickets could go on sale.
There could be pennies from heaven.
It could all just work out.
My commitment.
To remember how excited and happy I am for my friend who is getting married.
To notice and appreciate when other things in my life happen with ease and spaciousness.
Update on Last Time:
I asked for continued progress and comfort with the Fantastical Guide. This is definitely an on going want, but I am reasonably pleased with how this week has gone, and I hope it continues.
I also asked that the rest of my life not fall apart while I was working on the FG. So far, so good, and again this is really a long term ask. Finally, I put out the gwish to Rally next year – and got some support from the commenter mice on that, thank you! This is still a gwish, but my husband is open to the idea, so it’s a start. 🙂
Happy week, and may all your gwishes come true!
There’s an area upstairs that is used for storage of art supplies, office supplies, things that might be useful someday and things I can’t part with yet. It needs some attention right now, and it just occurred to me that with some thought it could become a Playroom. It’s right beside my Workroom which is where I work on my prrrojects and when I get stuck on something, I can take it into the Playroom and play with it for a while.
Into the pot!
Island Time!!
Excellent metaphor :).
*** VPA 1 – return to normal ***
I just returned from a whirlwind of events including
a) a stolen bankcard and ID and bank pass and money
b) a very unexpected break-up of a big love story
c) a work ultimatum
There has been much thinking and falling apart and now I would like a simple week for fixing things and tidying and organizing and collecting my thoughts for the future.
*** VPA 2 – simplicity ***
Throwing out old and broken things, giving things away, cleaning, small work tasks, closing doors. I need MANAGEBLE and no more huge projects.
*** VPA 3 – processing ***
I’d love some more info on this break-up that happened – on my own thoughts and reactions; on all of it.
Lots of wishes, lots of stuck–
So what is different?
I’m getting a Gwish kit! Yipee!
And I’m “organizing my poems.” Yes, it’s a proxy, but I’m not telling as long as it works.
Okay. I think I was on Silent Retreat yesterday, but I’m here now.
Those of you who have been following along at home may not be surprised by this: after nine years of confused and conflicted effort, I have decided not to complete my doctoral program.
What I want: Safety and protection from other people’s stuff that
maywill come up regarding this.How this can happen: I can spend time strengthening my force field whenever I feel the need. I can bring this into Shiva Nata, because my fear about what other people think of me is a pattern that I can take apart. I can focus on offering love to the people around me. I can focus on artistic projects and random acts of creativity, to remind myself that I’m not just moving away from something, but also towards something.
My commitment: I will be kind to myself. To meet the monsters when they appear, gathering the resources that will help me interact with them.
Good gwishing, everyone!
@Kathleen Avins — sending you love and support. That was hard!
@Hannah — sending you love and support too. Wow. Here’s hoping you get what you need!
And I’m sending support and hugs to everyone who is facing hard stuff right now. If I could write a VPA for others, it would be that you all can find your way through the hard with ease and grace.
@Kathleen Avins — oh my goodness, even at this remove I sort of feel the lifting of the weight off your shoulders! Good luck in the forward motion!
This almost belongs more under the Hard Stuff in a Friday Chicken, but I want to be mindfully proactive here, so it’s becoming a VPA instead
Here’s what I want:
Bravery and strength in the face of some unsettling medical news I got today
How this can happen:
I can turn up the volume on Sensible, Logical Me who has her facts straight and knows not to panic before there’s something to panic about.
I can listen to Future Me who has already lived through this, for reminders that the most important thing is focus on what I *can* do (follow doctor’s orders, reduce stress, eat healthy, etc.) and not on what I *can’t* do (wave a magic wand and make it go away)
I can be patient and kind with Tiny Scared Me, because that’s where the worry really comes from, from fear.
My commitment:
To take it day by day, and remind myself that the most important thing is to take care of Me the best I can in each moment, so my immune system can kick it up a notch and do its job to get rid of this thing.
I’m starting off the week in a crumbly sort of falling apart way and it’s all (well, mostly) (a lot) because of a real-live monster who is relentless in his need to belittle me and my seeming inability to use my frickin’ forcefields when he is in my life (which seems to be ALWAYS, because he’s the father of my most amazing kid) and also because of overwhelm and doom and What’s the Point?
SO,
Just for this minute, this hour, this day, this week I would love to have instant access to my force fields whether I remember to consciously invoke them/it or not. I want them to just SPRING into action at the first sign of asshole-ness.
Also,
I would like someone to hug me and tell me it is going to be ok and that I’m doing a good job. Apparently that person is not going to be my mother, or anyone else completely triggered by my Mom’s illness. So I guess I’m going to have to go around and practically beg for this. Which I’m totally willing to do, obviously.
I”m too crumbly and sad and tired to ask for more or to think of ways to make it happen. Please just let it happen.
Okay, so I’ve started and stopped this VPA (X3) more times than I’d like to admit (both online and in my head!). I keep thinking about it, so I’ll take that as a sign that it might be helpful to share them here. Also, I keep thinking about Havi’s clarification of what constitutes a “project,” and that’s been helpful too. It broadens how I can use many of the strategies I’ve learned about here — and elsewhere — and opens up *what* I can use those strategies for.
VPA #1:
I want to better understand what’s going on with X situation, and figure out an approach that will work.
My commitment is to notice my state of mind at a certain time of the day (and leading up to that time) and then notice some more. One thing I can do is journal when I get home to investigate what is going through my mind. Or I can just sit and relax with the dog when I get home instead of scurrying around. That helped quiet my mind last night. Maybe I can come up with a mantra that will help me with this situation.
VPA #2:
I want to stay open to this thing that I want. It’s self-care oriented, but it also feels indulgent, and I fear I shouldn’t spend the money. I also fear I’m not ready, esp physically. So I want to stay open and learn about it, and see if there isn’t some way I can make it work.
My commitment is to learn all about it, and understand how it might benefit me, and then WAIT to make any kind of decision, esp one involving money. And to not be persuaded by the inevitable sales aspects of it. AND — esp this one — if it feels uncomfortable or not right, to walk away.
VPA #3:
I want to keep using CBT strategies (esp thought stoppage) to ease my daily anxiety.
My commitment is to resolve to use this strategy whenever possible. Every day, even if it only happens one time that day. To just stop and take a moment to see how I can use this approach to address any of my present mind’s anxious thoughts. I can also journal to talk about what strategies I used for what thoughts, and how that helped.
Thing I want: This job I just applied for
Ways this could work: They could just see! That I am the right person for this job… that my crazy experience does mean that I can do this.
My commitment: To follow up, to try not to freak out, to give the energy up and let what happens, happens and know that the right job will find me. To remember that “Jetta” solutions present themselves all the time.
Argh blargh argh.
I’m not ready to totally examine this yet, but I’m going to do the best I can right now and get this out to the Universe.
VPA: Money
So much struggle right now. So much hard. So much stress and panic.
What I’d like:
-Less panic and struggle.
-People being understanding about me being delayed in paying certain things.
-Getting the wisdom to know the best way to spend the money that is available to me.
-Being able to get an appointment with the director of Financial Aid, and being able to articulately explain my position. (And I’d like her to be an understanding person.)
-And/or finding a job. I know this economy sucks. But I only need one.
Ways This Could Work:
-Fairy godmother magic.
-Clear, compassionate communication on my part.
-I could get a fantastic job that pays enough, furthers my career goals, and still leaves me enough time to keep my volunteer commitment.
-Something unexpected.
My commitment:
-To focus on hope.
-To make the calls.
-To pray and ask for help.
I’m taking a big siiiiigh of relief right now. Thank you for the space to make that happen.