Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Yesterday I did five minutes of Shiva Nata with my primary partner in crime.
There was lots of giggling. And then Shiva Nata told us that SILLINESS IS POWER.
Which is fabulous. And also kind of scaring me because whoah, siliness!
I adore silliness. So I’m making a gwish right here for all of my wants for the coming week to be planted in a field of silliness and power. A silly field! So there!
Alright. Let’s do this.
Thing 1: setting up a rendezvous.
Here’s what I want:
I have an appointment that needs to be made. I don’t like appointments.
That’s why it’s a rendezvous. Sneaky! Romantic! Secret!
But my severe phone call dislike issues are coming up, and I haven’t been able to do it.
Ways this could work:
Oh man, this is going to require lots of secret agent code words!
And some now is not then.
Maybe I can do it online? Let’s find out.
Things I might play with…
Entry and exit.
Connecting to the superpowers.
Asking for help from a friend.
Thing 2: drink lots of tea!
Here’s what I want:
To drink ridiculous amounts of tea.
This might be a proxy and it might not.
My friend who is visiting brought about a thousand boxes of delicious teas (I am exaggerating but only very slightly), and this seems wintry and cozy and important.
Drinking tea all day reminds me of visiting my friend Jutta in Aachen around this time of year, before I ever lived in Germany. Eleven years ago! Oh, time. You are so funny!
I want the ritual of the making. I want the interruption of stopping. Paws! I want the taste and the reminders.
Some of the qualities of this wish:
Reassurance. Warmth. Entry. Exit. Presence. Spaciousness. Comfort. Repetition. Flow. Release. Feeling held and revitalised at the same time.
Ways this could work:
My partner-in-crime could continue to keep saying, Hey, would you like some tea?
(Something she already does every half hour or so…. yay!)
I can borrow a sweet teapot from Hoppy House and take it to the Playground while we do our trainings and reflectings.
Things I might play with…
Giving this practice a name or a metaphor.
Trusting that there is a reason for why tea is important right now, and just going with it instead of trying to figure out what it means.
Making a point of saying hello to my cheery red Playground mug.
Thing 3: two of everything!
Here’s what I want:
Some things need doubles.
Some of these things are tangible things and some of these are systems.
Ways this could work:
I could make a list.
Or bring it to Drunk Pirate Council.
Or maybe there is a fun and playful perfect simple solution.
Things I might play with…
My guess is there is some residual stuck stuff behind the scenes that has to do with being okay with enough. And resistance to a state of PLENTY.
So I might need to call on a negotiator. Or sit with some sad, scared parts of me.
Is there a way to bring in the power of silly to help?
I don’t know. But I commit to being willing to find out.
Thing 4: release/process fear of a thing.
Here’s what I want:
There’s something that needs to happen in my business. I want it and it scares me.
It’s time to (safely, carefully) find out about the resistance, and work through some more layers.
Ways this could work:
Through play.
Through stone skipping.
Through shivanautical epiphanies!
Things I might play with…
I’m going to try to follow my instincts as much as possible.
And to involve my body. Nap on it, dance on it, flail on it, cry on it, bathtime on it.
Thing 5: to trust what I know…
Here’s what I want:
To trust what I know.
As much as I am able to right now.
Ways this could work:
Asking curious and compassionate questions.
Noticing what I want, and giving myself permission to want what I want.
Regardless of whether or not I do anything about the wanting.
Things I might play with…
Small wantings.
Doing more old Turkish lady yoga to get quiet enough to be aware of what I am instinctively drawn to.
Talking to slightly future me about why trusting what I know is useful.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted an ease-filled decision so I could create that proposal-thing. But then it got decided for me. Easily! So I didn’t have to. HOORAY.
Then I wanted an ease-filled transition, and that went better than I’d expected it to. A few thrown shoes, but they didn’t land.
I was feeling really apprehensive about getting the guest quarters ready for my friend, but it was actually not a problem at all.
Also I wanted to finish the mirror pool page so I could announce the Floating Playground. But what happened instead was a ton of internal processing. And then I wrote a very important letter to future me. And had about seventeen hugely important epiphanies about it.
So I will re-ask the ask for this week, but I’m feeling good about this instead of horrible about it, which is essentially what that ask was about anyway.
And finally, I wanted to tell you guys about Heidi’s amazing potions, and I did.
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
p.s. Calendars! Here’s what someone just said: “I’m totally in love with this calendar! So much I don’t want to hang it on the wall. I want to keep it right close to me on my desk so I can thumb through it whenever I need comfort and inspiration.”
You can still get one.
And you guys know prices for Rally (Rally!) have to go up significantly in a few days, right? I have been talking about this nonstop for about six months, so probably, but here is your reminder. Rally is the most amazing thing that will ever happen to you. Rally! (Rally!)
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Silliness is power. WHOAH, and thank goodness. I have silliness in spades!
Yes, silliness IS power. My awesome almost-three-year-old nephew concurs.
Does the “practice” of tea really need a name or a metaphor? It seems to me that it already is a metaphor, and the name itself is so full of good things: “the pause that refreshes”, the memories, the reminders, the self-care and the care of others.
I’m kind of boggled by the coincidence of what you’ve written today. Because I was writing VPAs to post here and in every one of them, I said something about playing and about drinking tea, and I was using my secret power of silliness.
I just decided that I’m going to reverse my usual practice of posting VPAs and not doing updates on previous Asks. This week, I’m going to Silent Retreat on what I’m asking — it’s already written down — and trust in the powers of silliness and play to help me with them. Instead, I’ll tell you all how things went with last week’s VPAs.
I asked to continue with the Iguana Sorting – took care of a couple of huge things that had turned into iguanas! Feeling very good about that, and about the way it worked.
I wanted some Writing and Flow, and I achieved a lot of flow, on writing and on other things.
I wanted movement and I didn’t do nearly enough. The desire to do more is becoming stronger.
Borrowing @ Seagirl’s phrase, I also asked “Alone time, planning time, friend time, and family time” and that totally happened. The amount of time on each was close to “perfect”. I would have liked more time with one or two people.
I also needed rest and mental clarity, and I got that too!
@ Hannah: last week what you gwished for is what I needed too, and now I’m reporting success with the Ask. I hope yours turned out well too.
Tea! Tea is awesomeness. Warm cups of tea for all!
What I want:
To be in touch with myself. To trust the feeling or lack of feeling. To be open.
Ways this could work:
I’m not exactly sure (and it is okay for me to be unsure). I see that I am experiencing some resistance to the idea of feeling things. Yep, hello Stuck. Perhaps I could ask myself some curious questions about this, in a safe, private space, once I get home, have the lights down, with a cup of tea and my teddy bear with me.
Also might consider ways of “being open” that aren’t readily understood as such – i.e. what would it mean to be open? What might it look like if I lived openness? Hmm.. might even need to metaphor mouse this.
Things I might play with:
Grounding objects. The teddy bear and locket/necklaces have helped. Make a bracelet perhaps?
Create rituals and other slow, mindful, pause-inducing things. Draw, bake, walk. Do things with my body, allow it to feel and be open and perhaps the internal openness will follow.
(PS: I love that you’ve changed “my commitment” to “things I might play with” – the playing with things is so much more spacious/amnesty-filled.)
Mmmmm, tea! And teapots. I’m having a hand-on-heart[felt] sigh for everything to do with tea and tea drinking.
THING #1
Here’s what I want: Clearout, Round 42. A good regret-free decluttering episode. More physical space around me, and less stuff I’m not using. And I don’t want to fill the space up right away. And I don’t want to get rid of things I shouldn’t, because I don’t want to find myself on ebay trying to get back something I should have kept.
Ways this could work: I could use some of the suggestions in Magical Housekeeping. I could use my internal divining rod to ask about what I might regret getting rid of. I could let go of a lot of yarn I’ve hung onto for years. I could send fabric and tea service to C.
I will: do the turn-around-the-hangers thing with my hangers, and with my cookbooks. And I will separate cookbooks into books that are beautiful and I love and turn to often, and books that I want to try one or two things from. And then give those away.
THING #2
Here’s what I want: To sleep through the night.
Ways this could work: I could stick to one wake-up cup of coffee, and have no more caffeine. I could get new earplugs. I could start getting more exercise. I could do shiva nata in the morning instead of the evening, and see if that helps. I could go to sleep asking for a solution, and see if I have one in the morning.
I’ma: Limit caffeine to one cup of cafe au lait first thing in the morning. Be kind to myself if I wake up in the night.
Update on previous VPAs:
I wanted ease and rest, and I have been sleepless quite a bit. But I’ve been doing less cooking because son has been doing more, and it’s been fun to be in the kitchen with him doing his cleanup and being his sous-chef. Taking orders!
Here’s what I want: I’m noticing a lot of guilt surrounding a variety of relationships and situations (tossing a bunch of those into pot), and I want to learn more about what’s really going on so that I can maybe even release, heal, dissolve some of this. Or maybe learn more useful, compassionate, creative ways to approach and handle the guilt.
Ways this could work: With an infusion of lightheartedness — my sense is that being less serious and less impressed with this would be really helpful. I could spot some safe places to play with this pattern to give me the experience of now is not then.
Things I might play with: Shiva Nata. Spending more time connecting to myself might change the tone of my approach, so yoga + pausing + force fields + tantrums.
Here’s what I want: A perfect, simple solution to hanging out with my little brother in March. Or… something that gives us what we’re both wanting? So maybe what I really want is to know what we both want from this experience and to come up with some creative possibilities.
Ways this could work: My first VPA might help, because ugh, feeling guilty. He could make a brilliant suggestion. Someone else could make a neat suggestion. Releasing some of my old pain and guilt could create spaciousness for possibilities I’m not seeing yet. Sovereignly!
Things I might play with: Write a secret letter. Treasure/daydream the experience of the ideal thing. Write a letter to the younger selves who have experienced a certain disappointment.
Here’s what I want: A fun, elegant, and ease-filled way to approach containers and appointments and ____.
Ways this could work: With flexibility and simplicity and joy and support. I could find out what I want under this want. Like experimenting with a fun puzzle. Solved!
Things I might play with: Reading those two books. Or more! Draw it out? Walk it out? What needs to happen backwards? Begin with the end in mind. Clew finding. Talking to slightly future me. Shiva Nata.
(Just writing this one out, I can already tell it’s going to work out much more easily than I had been imagining. Yay!)
@VickiB – it’s fun to read how ‘our’ VPA went on your side 😉
My update – the iguana sorting went marvelously well (to borrow a Barrington phrase). I now have so little iguana’s to talk to.
The writing flow didn’t go as well but I did do some thinking about it and remembered aspects of writing flow that might be helpful.
I also did go running and I was so tired but I found back the fun in it by the end of the running.
this week’s gwishes
1. Time in the Bat Cave
aka – time to write. I bought colored enveloppes – one for each month – and now i’d love to write some letters to past and future me’s.
– ways it could work – i could have little appointments. i could go out to town and ‘shop’ and write
– to play with – my resistance to me-time in this environment
2. Graceful Rendez-vous
I am meeting old friends and some unresolved issues might come up. I’d love for the evening to be graceful – full of grace and ease. I’d love for it to be unworried
– ways it could work – i could focus on the Barrington aspects of dressing up and wearing the right gloves. It could all fall into place
– to play with – listening. observing. picking up on things. being neutral and kind.
3. Fun
Both for the 2012-planning and this week and the writing and everything I still want to do. I want to do it with ease and fun and kindness. I want to ingrain it into everything.
*** WISHES TO EVERYONE ***
PS I am joining in the phone-call-dreading in general! If any clews come up I’d be so delighted to learn more about coping mechanisms.
Can’t we all abolish mobile phones already? I find them soooo 1998.
I find myself mining this post for all the words that sing to me and give me comfort today. There are plenty: Tea. Silliness. Release. Zen.
Into the pot this week: Peace. Clarity. Energy. Health. Confidence. Magic. Wonder.
Merry Gwishmas to all, and a belated Happy Zombie Yule! I am dreaming sweet dreams of 2012, with my new Playground calendar as a sweet and loving companion.
My VPA and/or gwish is to get past whatever this stuckness is that stands between saying, “I can totally make a living at this” and actually totally making a living at this. Whatever this is in a given week… but that this has to be something that I *already know how to do*. No more going back to school, and no more doing other things to “pay the bills” but really to keep me from doing this.
Because I have my last day of work this week, and I haven’t yet made this happen, and I sort of need for this to start happening RSN.
My other gwish is that I stop building back up plans that keep me from ever getting to the plan itself. Which is sort of the same gwish.
I wish everyone much success in their VPAs this week!
1. What I want:
To consistently, easily, and joyfully make healthy food choices.
Ways this could work:
Stopping before I take food and reminding myself of my priorities. Making sure I don’t get very hungry. Thinking and talking about it in self-loving ways. Taking one choice at a time.
Things I might play with: Relaxation affirmations about healthy food choices. Writing about food and my relationship with food. Talking to my body and brain about their desire for sugar (what is causing it? Is there something else that can substitute for it?)
My VPA is for this time I have off work. A spacious, excellent amount of time that somehow, due to the numerousness of my hopes and expectations for it and an unexpected five (!!) days spent sick, has started to feel cramped and scarce.
I want: to be alive to the spaciousness of this time. Even a single day of it.
I want: to identify my most important expectations for this time. So…
-Museum visit.
-Time at the library.
-Actually starting some writing projects.
-Getting some exercise and figuring out some exercise-related routines.
-Cafe hanging-out time.
I want: to be well enough to make use of SOME of the time.
How all this could happen:
-I could go to sleep early, take medicine so that sleep is restful, and turn the alarm off so it doesn’t wake me too early.
-I could drink lots of water.
-I could be sensitive to the fact that I’m probably going to get tired in the evening, so I should get to my projects early in the day.
-I should back-burner anything having to do with cleaning, organizing, guilt, etc., dammit!
Wishing cups of tea and good luck to everybody.
late VPA-ing!
Right now, things in my life feels big, amorphous, vaguely intimidating gray clouds. Certain things have been in the process of untangling for so long, seemingly without much progress. There’s a big bunch of iguanas. Other things are more metaphysical-ish dilemmas. Some super-old stucknesses that I’m not sure what to do with (physical and schpiritual), except continue to be mildly terrified by them.
Which is to say, I’m not really sure how to VPA this week. This is turning into something more like a chicken. It might be time for a major monster conversation. Except, this time, I might just give them the Clint Eastwood treatment.
Ayy. Be more coherent next time. Love to all.
My VPA for this week is to make space for my writing. Lately it’s been getting squeezed out for other things, and I want to fix that. I want spacious, loving time that I can devote to my writing and to thinking about my writing.
Ways this could work: I can release my guilt for not having written earlier, and move on from here. I can remember that every time I sit down and stare at the page, I don’t necessarily have to write things down. Sometimes it’s enough to just get things percolating. I can leave notes for myself and set alarms to remind myself to think about writing.
My commitment: to explore different ways of finding time, in a conscious and guilt-free way. I can commit to thinking about writing every time I sit down at the computer (which is otherwise just for goofing off).
Update from last week: Alas, I have no prune tarts, but I am no longer annoyed about a thing. But if anyone happens to know of a bakery in Portland or thereabouts that makes prune tarts, I would love to know one! 🙂
This week, I want: To play Glee Karaoke with my sister-in-law!
How this could work: Well, it sort of can’t, at least not immediately. I have no plans to go east anytime soon. But the thought of it makes me happy.
Things I might play with: Finding the essence and then a way to bring more of the essence into my life right now. Daydreaming about the fun of it. Singing in the shower. Watching Glee. Glee! (Glee! Oooh. Now there’s a quality.)
wagga wagga shoop shoop doo waaah!
No VPAs this week – still blooming. Sending loads of love and silliness to the askers, though.
oh so long since I did a VPA!
Gwish 1
To have a sense of where I want to go this year. Not a complicated step by step thing just a direction.
Way this could happen: allow not push – more puttering less internet
Gwish 2
Get my house under control – too much stuff from xmas, not enough places to put things not enough energy to go through it all. I need some unstuckiness about this!
Way this could happen: little and often?
Gwish 3
People will sign up for my Postal Joy! offering (real mail in January).
Way this could happen: ?? getting my newsletter to work again?
Gwish 4
my list of flights of fancies for next year have some chance of actually happening
Way this could happen: be more open to adventure
commitment – committed to myself not my shoulds
Very Personal Ad
Smart, funny, loving and slightly muddled-up evolving woman seeks extra clarity and capacity.
You: come from deep knowing, body-knowing, base-through-heart chakra-knowing. You are unafraid of sensations that do not exist in the moment, hold my hand and patiently remind me that I’m good at handling the sensations that do exist in any given moment, if only I stay present.
Me: I commit to playing with and exploring notions of humility, service and surrender. Trust. Presence. Faith. Receiving and releasing. Movement, motion and flow. Letting go. Detachment. Apariagraha, non-hoarding, allowing the flowers to bloom and fade in their perfect time (as if I have any choice), non-struggling, non-grasping. Openness, enabling myself to accept, receive, and feel fully, wholehearted. Walking. Single steps, fully experienced, in faith. Dreaming and releasing. And keeping on truckin’.
So here I am, sipping tea and writing my VPAs for the current week, reading through some of Havi’s recent ones for inspirations on how to approach some of the Things I Want for this week.
Suddenly I noticed that there was a change in the subheadings under each of the Things: what once said “My Commitment” is now a zillion times more fun!!! I wondered when this happened, so did a search, and discovered that *this* post, #128, seems to be the first time the heavy/serious words are replaced by light/playful ones.
I LIKE IT!
And I also like the fact that I am having the first mug of tea I’ve had in way too long (because I love tea! the flavour! the soothing! the ritual!), and this very VPA is talking about having more tea. I’m flabbergasted, but amazed and amused by the coincidence. 🙂
Anyways, I’m going to rephrase my VPAs-in-progress to harness the power of play! And I’ll change my VPA template so it can perpetually remind me that I am *playing* with how things are, *playing* with my patterns, not rigidly demanding myself to change or setting myself up to disappoint (which is part of My Stuff with the word “commitment”).
Play on! 🙂