Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Oh, Sunday!
One day I will be able to wholeheartedly be okay with this practice of noticing what I want and need in each and any moment.
Right now I get to seed that by practicing here on Sundays, and today I am really happy for Sunday.
Because I am exhausted. And there are wants.
Thing 1: comfort and healing for a broken heart.
Here’s what I want:
To release this pain of the Great Misunderstanding.
To trust — in the most intimate and deep ways — that I’m doing the right things to care for myself. And to care for me-from-then.
To undo old internal agreements about owing people things that I do not in fact owe them and couldn’t give even if I’d wanted to.
Ways this could work:
This is going to need some monster conversations. And some coloring in the coloring book.
(I did this last week and was flabbergasted by how much just the coloring part helps by itself. Didn’t even need to use the actual materials.)
Time. Space. Paying attention.
Taking this seriously. Not a side dish. To really put my attention here, with love.
Patience. Patience. Patience.
I’ll play with…
Watching. Naming. Crying.
I’ll take this to RAWR Monday.
And to the pool.
Lots of heart-humming. And dancing it out. Shiva Nata has helped me through more than one heart-hurt. And it will help me through this one.
Thing 2: commence Operation Sleep Is Really Important Dammit
Here’s what I want:
SLEEPS!
We’re declaring an emergency situation.
Ways this could work:
The usual tricks.
- Consulting the Book of Me and the dammit lists.
- Left-nostril breathing.
- More old Turkish lady yoga and Paul’s yin practice.
- Moving the Bruce Wayne Strengthening Elixir ritual to the morning.
- Doing the sleep invocation.
- Mini marathon-training (shhhhh this is a proxy for something relaxing) for ten minutes before bed.
- More yoga nidra.
- Treating this situation as if the director was the one who needed sleep right now.
- Being the detective.
- See the 74 ways to hit the reset button post.
- GOOMB!
I’ll play with…
Acknowledging the legitimacy. This is big change we’re going through right now. It makes sense that processing is very process-ey.
Conscious entry. Preparing for the voyage, with the voyage being sleep.
Talking to the me who knows how to do this. She knows how the pure land works.
Lots of revue. With dancing.
Thing 3: not caring so much (or at all?) about that thing
Here’s what I want:
Right now there’s a situation that I am letting weigh on me.
It’s a sovereignty challenge, and a bit of a growth period.
I want to investigate this and find out what will help me release some of this old-stuck attachment to a certain result.
Ways this could work:
Talking to slightly future me.
Doing some stone skippings.
Entry and exit. Asking wise, compassionate, loving questions.
I’ll play with…
Taking it to the Playground. Doing some reflectings.
Thing 4: RAWR Mondays!
Here’s what I want:
RAWR Mondays is the name of my new Monday practice, something I’ve been doing with my partner-in-crime.
RAWR stands for Roaring And Whimpering Rendezvous.
It’s a tradition that started because I’d sail off on a mysterious project and then get spend my week working on aaaaaaargh things that suck.
So now we just schedule that in. In a celebratory way. Mondays! Mondays we roar and whimper, and then we’re ready for the week.
And when other gunk shows up we can put it in the box for next Monday, unless it’s urgent. But usually it isn’t because we’ve done so much processing on Monday.
Anyway, the thing I have learned so far about RAWR Mondays is that the Rawring requires a very safe, stable container. With lots of comfort built in.
So that’s what I’m working on.
Ways this could work:
Building the day carefully. With sweet loving things to come before and after.
What kind of sweet loving things?
Immersion in the hot pools.
Lots and lots of tea.
GOOMB! (Get. Out. Of. My. Bar.)
Mini marathon trainings. tee hee!.
Hiding in a dark booth, wearing sunglasses and eating warm comforting food.
I’ll play with…
Ridiculous amounts of entry and exit.
Lots of thinking about what I might want and need.
Setting it up.
Thing 5: good wishes for Eclipse!
Here’s what I want:
Eclipse has a job interview tomorrow. Let’s all wish her wonderful wishes!
Ways this could work:
I’m planting it here.
I’ll play with…
Wishing the wishes. Throwing it into the pot.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to set things up for next-day me. This worked really well actually. I spent most of the week at my uncle’s in the woods (still there!). I left my notebook out and some tea for morning-me who likes to journal. I planted things for later. It felt good.
Then I wanted to do reflectings (lalalala not collage at all!) with scissors. About my twelve wishes for the year. And I’ve been doing that.
I wanted to enter the exiting, and YES. Yes yes yes. Hugely relieved about this.
Next I asked for a new relationship with January, and I’m working on that.
And I wanted new clothes for the incoming director, who is me.
This hasn’t happened yet because I’m out in the woods wearing the same thing every day. But I did try on footwear for her, and was pleased to find that she has delightfully strong opinions. So progress.
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
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“I want what you want Dahling.”
Well, not exactly. More like, “I want you to have what you want” – oh sweet sleep. ‘Cause nobody should have to suffer for lack of it. Wishing you all the things you need to get you there.
Here’s what else I want:
Courage. My word of the year, or at least, January. Courage to Go Swimming (yes, a proxy) every day.
How this could happen:
Practice, practice, practice.
Safe rooms for the me who got creamed when brave before.
Permission not to be brave.
Lots of reflection time.
My commitment:
To remember that moving forward isn’t about the “it” I’m moving toward, but the little moments of remembering me.
And to eat things that make my body sing.
Gwishing is definitely not comfortable. So yay for doing it, whether it comes easily or not.
I shall VPA later (probably on my own, because that’s what I do – Silent Retreat!), but I just want to wholeheartedly agree with your observation about the Monster Coloring Book: “I did this last week and was flabbergasted by how much just the coloring part helps by itself. Didn’t even need to use the actual materials.”
I have read and used (and will continue to reference) the materials from the Coloring Book, however, I find that when I am actually in a stuck or hitting a wall, the most useful thing to do is to simply color a monster. It shifts my focus and changes my perspective, and that is usually what I need most. Yay for the magic of play! 🙂
You know what I want? I want: to spend some of the energy that I expend trying to make sure Atlas is always comfortable on making sure that I am comfortable instead. Because if you watched Atlas throughout the day, you would know that he is completely on top of his own comfort. I, on the other hand, am not very good at doing the same thing for myself.
How this could work: Huh. I am not sure. I need to remember the magic of Rally. Also, I might have to say goodbye to this computer chair, even if that means that I say goodbye to it before I find a replacement.
Things I might play with: I feel like I journaled once upon a time about my relationship with comfort. I might need to re-visit that. I can also watch Atlas, because he is a master at this and he never feels even the slightest bit guilty about it. Also of note here, if making himself comfortable makes me uncomfortable, he doesn’t mind at all if I ask him to move. He just makes himself comfortable in a different way. I love dogs.
I also want: to go ice skating! I miss it.
How this could work: I could find a time and go. I could see if any of my friends also like ice skating and want to come along.
Things I might play with: I will remember the fun of it!
As a continuation to last week, I also want: to disconnect the secret gwish from the move gwish. I do not think they need to be if-then things.
How this could work: They could magically become disconnected on their own. I could explore this in my journal or my head.
Things I might play with: Flailing and writing.
YAY!
What I want, the first:
To interrupt a painful thought pattern that is storming around my head again.
How it could work:
I could celebrate each time I’ve lovingly interrupted it, and trust the seeds. I can work more with the Emergency Calming Techniques. The work on my next want could mysteriously unravel this one.
Things I might play with (Love this, Elizabeth!):
Remembering that small seeds grow big results. Trusting the little things.
What I want, the second:
A symbolic space for something I want to birth. And approximately one gazillion safe rooms for the monsters (because it’s been two years of work, and they’re pretty sure I’ve made no progress.)
How it could work:
I could see that I have made huge progress, afterall. I could have a breakthrough and be much closer. Giving it a space could take it out of the scary in my head (see the first want) and give me room to do something amazing.
Things I might play with:
SHIVA NATA. Clearly. And cleaning my room (physical space helps.) Proxying it, or actually just proxying something that is not it (because that would be to much pressure) and allowing that maybe whatever I proxy will be useful for it as well. Asking Hekate.
Sending love and sighs for everyone’s VPAs.
Wow, Judy: “To eat things that make my body sing”!
Havi, thanks for RAWR and GOOMB! Wishing you success with Sleep Is Important, Dammit! That’s one of the first things on my Dammit List, along with I Take Naps, Dammit!
For the VPA: This is long. I’m trying to be specific so I can get clarity on what I want. If I write it only for me, I don’t have to be as thoughtful (full of thought) about what I say, so this helps with the clarity.
Thing 1: EASE! “Ease” is the word of the year.
I’m trying something with acrostics, because the combination of visualizing the acrostic and the word play will help me remember and maybe follow through.
EASE in self care!
• Elementary self care: getting up from the computer every hour to walk around and ease my muscles. Eating salad and fruit.
• Advanced self care: The stretches I learned in PT. Affirmations.
• Subtle self care: cuticle oil every night. Hot lemon water. Only be in the kitchen for meal prep and meals (don’t work at the kitchen table!)
• Exercise.
EASE from Anxiety!
• Examine the anxiety: where is it from? Is it mine? Is there anything I can do about it?
• Art and creative activity
• Spiritual practices: prayer, devotions and dialog with MrB., church. Also Shiva Nata.
• Eliminate toxins: get rid of physical and mental and spiritual toxins.
Setting things up for EASE:
• Eating right: plan menus, make a standard shopping list.
• Anything I do regularly, e.g. classes: keep resources for each class in an “assigned tote bag”.
• Stress release activites: keep clear work space where I can do art, scrapping, beading, whatever will take me away from the stress.
• Eliminate iguanas! Prevent iguanas: use a da Vinci box (this idea comes from Rhiannon’s da Vinci notebook).
EASE for the Externals:
• Exterior maintenance on my home, including snow removal when that becomes necessary.
• Ask for help with things I can’t manage. Get info to help me access the help (e.g neighbors’ phone numbers to pick M up when he falls).
• Socialize! Connect more often with more people that I like.
• Eeek! Last thing in the acrostic and I can’t think of a word!
Thing 2: An easy chair for my upstairs space.
I have a small glider rocker but it hurts my back. I want a chair that is comfortable. It has to be small enough and lightweight enough to go up the very narrow and steep stairs. I want it to come with ease. I don’t know from where or how, and I’m planting the gwish here.
Thing 3: A partner in crime.
I’ve been asking for a “playmate,” and it hasn’t been happening. I realized that the term playmate has been corrupted – the first thing people tend to think of is not what I am looking for! Partner in crime, except in the context of a criminal trial, is lighthearted and fun and that’s what I want.
I hope that asking for the thing I want using the right word or words will make a difference. (Like the difference between lightning and lightning bug, maybe?)
Thing 4 (with an explanation or update or comment or something): Co-workers.
Given what I do and where I do it, that’s not something that comes with the job. Which is good in many ways. On the other hand, not having someone who knows about what you are doing and what is important to you, especially about the job, leaves you isolated. For most of my career, I worked in isolation. As a therapist and counselor, I had colleagues but we rarely saw each other! In several agencies, I was the only one who did what I did, or the only one at that location.
Since I hired the Butler (my cleaning service), I’ve been reminded of how good it feels to work with someone on a job. He has his regular tasks that he does alone but we work together on some things and it’s reminding me of the good side of sharing work and workspace with others.
I have no idea how this want can play out, because I like what I’m doing and I’m not looking to change jobs or take on another job. But somehow, someway, I want to have coworkers!
And I just realized that a coworker could also be a partner in crime!
In keeping with my theme of EASE, I’m throwing these things into the pot, planting the gwishes, and trusting that it will happen.
Wishing everyone success with their VPAs.
Update: I wanted a cat. I now have a cat. She is hiding upstairs under the bed.
What I Want:
For kitty to feel safe and comfortable and happy and to come out from under the bed.
My Commitment: to talk to kitty. to provide kitty with food and water and beds. to play with kitty when she jumps on the bed at midnight for playtime. to not say “kitty, you must come out” and then drag her out by her leg. to go about my day in the house with lots of space for kitty to come out.
What Else I Want:
There’s a little project I’m working on. I would like to have it continue on, and to keep it going. I would like the world to be most interested in it when it peeks its head out, and for a few particular people to be interested in it since they will need to help usher it in.
My commitment. ABC and W.
*does the bouncetastic VPA dance*
First, sending love and rah-rahs with cartwheels to the asks above and below! @VickiB, I love your EASEcrostics 🙂
This week I’m asking for just one thing:
My VPA – More Mountain-climbing Progress
So much stuff I want/ed to get done but have been too sick/too tired/too working to get done. Would like to have great fun dancing up the mountain while still getting more done than I have.
Blooms For It:
– Better sleeps
– More energy
– Maybe some experience of time dilation?
What I’ll Plant:
– Some new, tiny nurturances before bed. Hand cream, maybe. 🙂
– More snacking & less stuffing in a hurry during work.
– Spray one of the Playground sprays.
– Blowing kisses & sending psychic thanks to time.
xoxo
Oh, Havi, I know the pain of too-little-sleep, and then the frustration of no-sleep compounding the inability-to-sleep. It is awful. I hope all of your practices work, and that you are sleeping sweetly and soundly as a kitten-beast very soon. My wish for you.
Also for my man-friend, who is having such a hard time with the same lack-of-sleep, and has been for over a month now. I wish deep, dreamy, glorious sleep for all who need it, but especially those I love.
And if my perfect house could present itself, that would be lovely as well.
P.S. I don’t know what the pure land is, but I love the way it sounds. Thanks for that.
Thing 1: to continue recovering from the crud
WTCW:
* lots of hot water, both as tea and steam
* keep prioritizing sleep and rest over errands/exertion for the time being
* keep reminding self that yes, I want both sleep and exercise in my life when I am well, but that I first have to get well
Thing 2: to complete project H on time while honoring sleep and social commitments
WTCW:
* make it my first priority each day
* metaphor-mouse it into something more rewarding
* keep chatting with the stuck and the monsters
Thing 3: to navigate some shifting shorelines (hello, metaphor) with a maximum of graciousness (and grace) and minimum of wreckage
WTCW:
* keep consulting the toolbox: NVC, curiosity, seeing things through a third-party lens(just finished reading Difficult Conversations)…
* when in doubt, keep my own dang counsel
* stay focused on Things 1 and 2. Things in general tend to work out when that happens.
Gwishes: For my fantasy tennis teams to rule. 😀 For good pizza. For the office supply place to pack my order with care. For more of the sunny weather.
So I have figured out what the inability-to-get-out-of-bed is telling me, along with the urge to bake, make tea, read for hours and cuddle with my teddy bear. It is telling me that I need to slow down and to honour my need to slow down, even if slowing down is not what I am used to. So, for this week’s VPA –
What I want:
To slow down and to allow myself to slow down. To let time expand around my limbs. To do whatever I wish with this expansiveness.
How this could work:
I could leave myself notes everywhere, reminding me to slow down, pause, take several deep breaths etc.
I could do more baking.
I could practice some noticing (i.e. notice when my monsters are telling me there are a billion things to do)
I could keep track of what absolutely needs to be done so as to stay on top of things even while slowing down.
I could, in a polite yet unapologetic way, refuse to commit my time to other people/things.
I could build some slowing-down-time into my mornings.
Things I might play with:
Permission – Not beating myself up for slowing down.
Saying “no,” or recognizing my desire to over-commit myself so as not to upset people.
Hiding in bed with teddy.
Drawing/sketching/reading/scribbling
Taking a break from Facebook, turning my phone off etc.
What I want (2):
To write the grant proposal. To not freak out while writing it. To not-freak-out long enough to think clearly and be able to trust what I already know.
Ways this could work:
I could meditate to help ease the anxiety.
I could possibly try proxying.
I could bring me-who-knows to the front of the V and build a safe room for me-who-is-scared.
Things I might play with:
Writing the proposal in a silly aristocratic accent.
Pretending I am Marx and my teddy bear is Engels – teehee! And we are writing to liberate the proletariat! (Because we kind of are.)
Costumes! And hats, perhaps. And my pastels! Yes! I could draw something and have the proposal be an extension of that – something creative and not as stuffy-sounding as a proposal. Perhaps some metaphor-mousing is needed too.
Sending lots of good vibes for everyone’s VPAs.
VPA #1: a care and feeding of dragons manual.
How this could work: I could sit down and get all the numbers together I need. Make an extra-cool Dragon Binder.
My commitment: to make a container to spend time writing this.
VPA #2: A promotion plan plan.
How this could work: I’ve got three clients I’m working with on book promo — want to have a procedure that works and that isn’t corporate/ineffective/whatever.
My commitment: create guidebooks for the genrelands.
Thanks guys! 🙂 Happy week and gwishing!
What I want: To do some songwriting this week, and to feel happy about it, and end up with at least one song that I’d be pleased to share with others.
Ways this could work: Hmm. The monsters are terrified. I think we’re going to have to talk, and color. Maybe they’d like to collaborate? Or would they rather hide out in safe rooms? See, I’m not sure.
I’ll play with: Quantity over quality, just to sidestep the fear. Maybe I’ll try being the fox in the video game, and see what she comes up with.
What I want: A new comfy, super-ergonomic, super-affordable chair for my office that raises and lowers and fits me perfect.
Ways that this could work: I send an email to my people. Surely someone will have one or have a lead to one.
My commitment: To believing that this can happen with ease. To opening up to the ease of it and that it perfectly fits in with me having a beautiful flow-y week. To feeling into how good it feels for my body to be sitting in a well-designed chair!
* * * * *
What I want: To be in my flow, in my body, breathing and making great choices for myself, including saying No out loud when my whole body is saying No.
Ways that this could work: I move slowly. I remember and remind myself of how important this is. I practice saying No – setting up situations where I can so No. I have fun with it. I let my people know that this is my practice and I’d love their playful support and encouragement.
My commitment: To remembering that in saying No I am honouring myself — and honouring myself is the greatest thing that I can offer myself, and those around me.
* * * * * 8 8
What I want: Art sales! Four drawing requests this month and four drawing sales and one big painting to sell. I want sustainability baby and I am ready to have it!!!!
Ways that this could work: I stay focused on breathing into the part of me that so deeply deserves financial freedom. I put this request out each morning on my morning walk to my studio. I believe in it… I send out an email clarifying that this is the intention for my drawings — this is where I want them to go….
My commitment: To believing in myself and knowing that I deeply deserve the comfort and stability and feeling of independence that comes from my work, my gift supporting me… Also, to brainstorming other avenues for the sale of the work.
VPA-ing is hard this week.
It more or less boils down to the same need/want/desire. But some various aspects got VPA’d in the end.
Thing 1: Zippity-zapping through my writing
Things need to come together quickly – my scholarship is at stake. I’d love some help with inspired writing and working.
WICW – Quiet times. Work in my secret room.
Have extra delish snacks. Metaphor Mouse it. Find back to writing confidence.
to play with – shopping for a magic hat. doing something lovely first. entering as i wish to be in it
Thing 2: Boundary-setting.
I need a safety zone around a bunch of things. Around my emergency holiday. And also around my writing. I want to let shoes surrounding the subject be. I want to let them simmer. I want to know what I know
WICW I could emulate Cameron Crowe in ‘Almost Famous’ – just write it all at the end. Deal with the critics by saying ‘you asked for the unfinished draft – give me more time’. Let the critics be critics. Hold on to the creative essence of it. Do what you want to do anyway.
to play with – the rock and roll essence of doing it my way. talking to the part of me that knows it’s all going to be just fine. writing other things, writing for me first
Thing 3: FUN
I tend to forget about it.
WICW – not sure. spending more time with my friend. ignoring things that just don’t make sense to me.
to play with – keep my eyes open for fun.
VPA update
I wanted careful work and got quite some of it – it was good.
I wanted travel prep and in the end, all my stuff for a month got packed in 2 hours.
Then I wanted to explore a want and I did a bit of that, writing letters to me a year ago and me a year from now.
Need to solve the problem with my car…
and getting back some quality sleep.
I’ll consult the book of me and use what I know works (ah magnesium oil and lavender how I love Thee).
hugs to everybody.
Update:
Clarity and capacity: getting there!
Assistant of Extreme Awesomeness: slooow progress on in-the-soft preparing.
Workspace: slooow progress on in-the-soft preparing.
This week:
Re-asking all three. More clarity and capacity! Yes!! I still want to find myself an Assistant of Extreme Awesomeness and a workspace I will actually use. Keep on playing with those projects.
Also I want: a daily appointment with myself. A time container for projectizing my projects and maintaining my rituals.
And: to start investigating the edges of my Big Want that I’m afraid of wanting because I think that if I keep wanting it my heart will get a little bit broken.
I’ll play with: keeping on being the lantern keeper. I am the lantern AND the lantern keeper. I care for the lantern not for my own sake but for the sake of the light and all those who benefit from the light. With the happy side benefit of being the lantern who is well looked after.
xo
+ What I want: some new rituals. Rituals are a thing that I am being very curious about this year. I am convinced that rituals have magic powers. Of course, Havi’s been saying that for years but I never ‘got it’ until recently.
I am jotting some things down in my new sexy ‘Book of Me’.
How this could work & my commitment: One word – curiosity. Oh, and another – noticing.
+ Another thing I want: I need to spend some serious time on VPA-ing for the entire year. Probing all the places where “asking feels conflicted”. To get to that place where I feel joyous and free wanting what I want.
+ I want to process the insanity that was all 3 days of the last weekend. Lots of mind-blowingly amazing epiphanies, lots of pain, lots of confusion. Lots of “what the F*@# was that”?
For both of the above “wants”, I basically need to spend the whole week PROCESSING. Quality time with the Book of Me. Shiva Nata. Meditation. Spending time with my inner selves. Playing. Walking. self-hipgnosis.
Love to everyone’s VPAs!
Not ready for a full VPA, but here’s soem progress on other asks, lrge and small:
-decided I could not live with a year of snark from the snark day planner. Went online ans found the Very Thing I wanted All ALong, at some ridiculous markdown,which I bought and then bought a novel I’ve wanted for years now. Yea me for not settling. This feels big.
-Time. Playing with this idea of “making” time and “finding” time and “carving out” time, so that I can have ARtTime and RitualTime and WritingTime and DownTime. I asked for insight into this so I could “have More time” for my own stuff. While 40 interrupted hours have not fallen into my lap, this Investigation has yeileded lots of sparkle gifts and insight…and TIME for the things I love.
-a desire for better food hsi brought a refusal to eat lousy just cuz. Better food in the house–more fruit and nuts, tahnks Mom–makes these choics easier. The kids’ enthusiasm makes it even better.
-Proxying really reveals hidden aspects. When I used the phrases “stop chasing the cat” or “cuddling the wolverine” I thought it was funny. These are revealing some very necessary and healing clues
-Giving myself permission not to do the Damn Housework when I really want to be writing or arting. It’s not as good as House elves, but anything that gets me out of the kichen and into the studio is PURE GOLD.
-as promised, now that I make the commitment to eing creative, when I finally get into the studio…stuff happens. good stuff, geting better.
-SO many moments these past 2 months when intractable issues between me and the husband suddenly open and thee’s a better way rveelaed, or at ;least some ease and amnesty. This is 100% the result of the Flail.
What I want:
Clarity on a situation.
Basically I’m worried that I am moving too fast. That I am unwittingly sliding into something. That my conscious and my unconscious are not thinking and feeling in unison. That worrying about the situation is presenting the difficulties but not doing anything to resolve them.
Yeah, so what I want is clarity, trust, insight, inner unity.
Ways This Could Work:
Journaling. Doing a ritual. Shiva nata. Talking with monsters. Talking to Future Me.
I don’t know. I feel like there should be more ways this could work. So I guess what I also want is ideas for how to deal with the situation.
My commitment:
To journal (possibly involving techniques listed above) and then do a ritual about this. Tonight.
Progress report on past VPA:
I wanted a gray open-fronted sweater, but didn’t want to feel guilty in any way while acquiring it. A friend is getting rid of some of her stuff and gave the perfect sweater to me, and she wore this top at her wedding so it’s extra special.
Wow, I did not VPA last time or the time before that, but the time before that. 3 weeks.
Guau!
On that note, I’m still sick. But it is much more manageable now, just the persistent cough.
So, I think this may be because I finished up the big project of applying to grad school. *yay* and now I am in wait for responses mode.
I’ve been working on projects – err make that Project Published Author. With writing and editing and such. But I’ve been making time for it, so haven’t felt the need to VPA it. Interesting.
Anyway, good luck to Havi with the sleep. And to everyone above me with your various VPAs.
As for me, I’ll keep chunking away at my project and novels.
Okay. Here are the things that I want but feel in conflict about, and I want to play with some ideas:
1. The piano music.
This is the key to the piano. The important room in my brain I need to visit. I have determined it is not about the actual money, though it is related to other monies that are caught in procrastination.
My committment: to keep this on the list. To not accidentally send it to the unimportant list.
2. Return to running!
The injury is mostly healed, but I need to visit my shoes. (Note: not a metaphor, but it sure does sound like one!) There is all kinds of stuck and resistance around this.
It may involve: sitting with the sadness about the lost treadmill. Finding ways to make it a more natural part of the day.
My committment: to understand that this is the transition to the state I want. This end part of the healing is not procrastination, it is necessary. It might last a lot longer than I assume. To be with the transition in order to prepare for the entrance to the next thing. To remember what J said about walking around small amounts at first. To resurrect the other shoes, if needed.
3. A second rally!
Going to silent retreat on this one. Just writing it down is scary and filled with monsters and questions!
4. Better understanding about the tantrum cycle.
This is the thing that keeps happening and it’s causing the whole family a lot of pain. The toddler llama can be a humongous ass and sometimes it’s fine but sometimes it is filled with DOOM and I hate going to bed angry or waking up angry. So. I am planting this wish/desire here because I know that’s the first step.
Ways this could work: I could do some book-googling. Some tool-seeking. I could map out the pattern and see if I can learn anything. I could institute a new pattern and see if it’s distracting enough. I can remember the important tool of: homesnacks! Never forget the homesnacks.
My commitment: compassion, compassion, compassion. To put on my oxygen mask first before I help others.
5. Forward movement on the Shop Plan and the Secret Plan.
One has been on hiatus for so long and the other has been recently blossoming in secret. If they are related, perhaps the themes can be: Visibility, Congruence, Possibility.
Ways this can work: map things out during a Secret Play Date? Take notes on the Secret Plan as needed. Personal impressions or things to share on the blog.
My commitment: Much like healing from the foot injury, this is part of the transition. To not push either thing to be something it isn’t, or doesn’t need to be.
6. Connection time with Mr. Persnicket.
This is important and very much related to the super secret plan. It feels like I am being held up because I haven’t been able to work through some of the things on my own — but that is part of the pattern I want to gently dissolve, the whole “figure it out on my own all the time forever” thing. So.
Ways this can work: We could schedule a non-date date. More opportunities could simply arise, like that Saturday road trip, or those occasional early bedtimes. Walks. Things like that. I can work internally on understanding the things I want to talk about, and making safety for myself.
My commitment: to keep it on the list. To remember what I’ve written about it here. To know this is part of the longer project, too.
.
Happy belated VPA-ing to all!
Hokay, VPA!
For you, Havi, I want sleep, and healing of heartbreak, and wisdom of now time-traveled to you-from-then.
For me:
On this adventure trip I wanted Play! and I have already gotten it, via the wonderful Anna who took me to Unexpected Dance Class.
What other qualities do I need right now?
safety. security. wisdom. invitationalism.
WTCW: I could continue to Follow The Glow. I can continue to feed my creativity. I can continue to Get Proper Rest and Nourishment.
My commitment: to sleep until I’m ready to get up tomorrow. To go to the grocery store and to my office tomorrow.
I also was uneasy with the way That One Thing concluded-without-concluding. I summoned my Toolkit (imagine Pratchett’s Luggage) and addressed the situation, which is now self-resolving better than I had expected. yay!
My commitment: to write the email that wants writing. To keep calling in the toolkit and keep the flow flowing.
I have been concerned about cash flow. But really, the concern is less warranted than all that. What I would like: to feel ease around it this month. To feel that it is working, because it is. To help me-from-then figure it out. To help me-from-now keep figuring it out.
WTCW: I can invoice the invoices. I can send out the nudge for the thing. I can write the next personal essay. I can keep playing in the berry fields.
I don’t even know if this is going to show up but I have to write this down.
This blog…nay, website…nay, concept…yes,concept! has fallen upon me today like a waterfall. You know the ones in the movies that the alluring woman stands beneath while she pushes her soaking hair back and her face is facing upward, eyes closed and she looks as if she has NEVER experienced anything so refreshing and invigorating as the liquid love that now drenches her. Ok. Something like that. Or cheesecake.
Anyway, there’ a ton I want to share but I guess it would be more appropriate at my own blog so I’ll do that.
Here’s what I think my VPA is, but I’m a newbie, and sense there’s not right or wrong and it IS my VPA, here goes…
1.A year ago I wanted to start my job by letting my clients be themselves and appreciate their idiosyncracies
instead of trying to “heal” them. Yet here I am, doing exactly the thing I didn’t want to do because it’s “the program” and I feel like I’m beating my head against a wall, and I can see the frustration in their own faces.
….so tomorrow I will return to my original plan, my original calling, my original purpose which was to help them appreciate themselves and help them find their own unique purpose.
2. This week I will feel. Friday marks the end of a 24 year long journey as well as the beginning of a brand new peregrination (now there’s a word for 2012!). I will give myself permission to be hurt, angry, devastated, ecstatic, confused and elated whenever the mood hits, even if they hit ALL at the same time.
3. I will dust off all those unfinished, NO! I will relish in the gestational moments of the numerous projects that have been maturing and nestling as a mother experiencing the internal nudges of her unborn child striving to escape its nurturing cocoon. Just as a baby is delivered and a butterfly emerges at a perfect moment, so my projects will also emerge when ready.
4. I will accept that I am a great person, worthy to be cherished by the Right People who appreciate just how special I am.
I’m new at commenting here, but I’m very excited. I love this VPA stuff!
Perfect timing…
My first Gwish is to go to Hawaii to do a Lomi Lomi class. And lie around and soak up the smell of flowers and eat fruit. And be in the beauty. I’m getting the travel bug too.
How it could work.
1.Ask the island peeps to make the way possible
2. Meditate and focus on it coming true
3. Just know
I will play with
Having fun with this!
Thing #2
New clothes/shoes for my new life
Things have really changed a ton recently so I would like a new wardrobe to reflect that.
How it could work…
1.Go shopping to see what’s out there
2.Try new types of clothes!
3.Have someone go with me to help me find beautiful pieces
I will play with..
the clothes!
the shoes!
Thing #3
A new guy/love in my life. A GOOD guy!!!!
It’s been awhile! It’s time
How it could work…
1.hmmm….just being open to love
2. Saying hi to guys who are looking at me
3. Do things I like to do and see what happens
I could play with..
Going out more
Smiles