Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Oh, hey there, VPAs.
As always happens right after Rally (Rally!), I have way more information about what I want… both in life and in general.
And I feel less conflicted about wanting it.
On the other hand, I’m also hyper-conscious of all the things that aren’t working or feel incongruent.
Anyway, all my asks this week have to do with Hoppy House, and giving my home some serious warm, loving attention.
Thing 1: changing/adjusting my concept/definition of “home”.
Here’s what I want:
This word needs some rewriting.
Or: I need to give it a new definition.
Either way, I want to feel less conflicted and more sparkly about this thing that is HOME and a home for me.
Ways this could work:
I can invite metaphor mouse to come and save the day!
I can OOD it.
And I can reread my post about how everything is a home for everything else, and maybe that will spark some things.
Also, I can interview Slightly Future Me since she’s already figured this thing out.
I’ll play with…
Getting quiet.
Investigating internally and looking at threads and themes. Like hidden associations, personal style, desire, etc.
Thing 2: new curtains for the kitchen.
Here’s what I want:
I am done now — now? now! — with things that belonged to Claudia, even the things that I like.
Suddenly it seems very important for my space to hold all — and only — things of my choosing.
Some of that is impossible at the moment, of course. But it’s a theme. And I’m following it. Seems like an important symbolic change.
[And yes, I just realized this is actually a proxy for another thing.]
Ways this could work:
Didn’t someone recently tell me about a place where they had tiny kitchen-window curtains?
I can’t remember.
I’ll play with…
Looking, exploring, thinking about color and pattern.
Also I want to talk to Rebecca’s friend, who will have ideas.
Thing 3: tablecloths, kind of.
Here’s what I want:
Beautiful, fun, lusciously patterned tablecloths.
Okay, so here’s the thing about this one. When I was on chrysalis and then at Rally last week, Luscious Me made a surprise appearance.
As it turns out, she’s hilarious, feisty, very opinionated, and she wants EVERYTHING to feel luscious.
Sometimes (most of the time) I do not have even the slightest idea what that means. But then I’ll be considering a thing, and she’ll ask: “But is it luscious?“.
And then I have to admit that no, it isn’t. Then we find a solution that *is* luscious, and everything is better.
So if she says tablecloths have to be luscious, then they have to be luscious.
Ways this could work:
There’s a place in Multnomah Village that might have what I’m looking for. But I will also peek downtown.
I’ll play with…
Trusting my instincts.
I don’t know why it’s so hugely important to Luscious Me that we have tablecloths now and this particular kind and that they be “luscious”…
But it seems like it’s really a big deal, so I’m just going to go with it.
And if the monsters don’t like it (they don’t!), we can ask the board of internal scientists to test the hypothesis that Luscious Me might have a point. And then we’ll take notes.
Thing 4: the hamsa
Here’s what I want:
Ways this could work:
Staying focused on the qualities involved inside of this want:
Beauty. Permission. Safety. Steadiness. Truth. Remembering. Signs. Trust. Sustainability. Transition.
I’ll play with…
Drawing it.
Thing 5: writing out the dream.
Here’s what I want:
I finally got a glimpse (thanks to a spectacular shivanautical epiphany) of what I want my house to look and feel like.
Now I’d like to document as much of this as possible and write the vision into being.
Ways this could work:
Sitting. Waiting. Playing.
Skipping some stones.
I’ll play with…
The part about permission to want.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
You guys! Last week was AMAZING. Hard, but amazing. And the Very Personal Ads (which I wrote on the bus back to Portland) seemed so far-away and impossible, but then the most incredible and astounding things happened anyway.
The ask about taking my time and permission to take time was hugely helpful.
Then I wanted help with my ongoing investigation into my new role at Stompopolis, and I had a massive epiphany that completely solved everything.
I had lots of asks related to Rally (Rally!), and they all came true.
The BIG ask was about courage, and it was there when I needed it. In fact, I kind of snuck in a mini-ask inside of that ask, hoping that the courage would show me the next step so I could do the thing eventually. But I was able to do the thing immediately!
Also I wanted to use Playing Hooky as my proxy mission for Rally, and that was surprisingly useful.
There was something about Revue, which also happened.
And then I wanted a toiletry bag but not to call it that. And I totally did not explain that ask very well, sorry! I wanted the bag itself to put the containers in, not the containers/system, but that didn’t come across very well. A lesson to me in being more clear, which I can always use!
Thanks, Jesse, for suggesting the just-right thing, and to absolutely everyone for being loving and creative and throwing lots of ideas out there. Yay, VPAs!
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
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Hello, Havi! Hello, everyone! Hello, Sunday!
Update on last week’s Thing: sleeping better, but it’s partly from impulsively indulging in sauvignon blanc, which makes me wake up groggy. So Thing 1 for this week is to figure out either the right dose of sauvignon blanc to ward off nightmares (more than one tablespoon, less than one glass…) or (preferably) some other sleep aid with fewer calories/chemicals involved.
WTWC:
* another bottle of wine
* working out until I’m too tired to think
* come up with project that I wouldn’t mind lying awake obsessing over (and thus directing subconscious toward)
* stock art or photography or chemistry books next to the bed?
I’ll play with: putting glass-of-wine equivalent in my Workflowy?
And gwishing for…
* my fantasy Roland Garros picks to pan out
* my Sox to keep thumping the Indians
* ease in completing this week’s must-dos
* good connections (in all sense of the phrase) in this week’s calls and messages
* sunscreen and a anti-bug-bite-cream that suit me better than my most recent purchases (advice welcome on this one, and my thanks in advance to any offered)
Wishing you all support and sparklings.
Much Cheering for the VPA’s 🙂 Wheeee
Thing 1: Secret Extra Time Spaces
I love what I am doing right now. All of it. I feel on a roll so to say. But but but not enough hours in the day. And there needs to be some show & tell of both of the things.
I need hours to finish. And some hours to revel in beauty and ease, and also: recover.
ways it could work – not completely sure. hoping for magic and ease and perfect simple solutions. hoping they will show up because I already interviewed Me Who Knows and it helped but not fully.
i’ll play witih magic. permission. and i love this phrase: getting quiet . whispering. working in the long evenings of the summer and enjoying every second. music.
Thing 2: Silent Retreat
All I can say its yummy and full of want.
Oh and I did a list of wantings this week and I’d like to feel safer about that.
ways it could work – clueless. i’d love to leave this one to the universe/pot/flowers please!
I’ll play with – ease. yes. just that. ease and percepting and being with wee-tchy me at the front of the V in a safe way.
Last week
I wanted garden and floop and “garden planning” (proxy!) time and it all worked.
I wanted a bike and a camera too and I didn’t find the perfect ones easily yet but there are leads! And new pathways for exchange, which is actually an underlying fractal flower.
Oh ho! Last week my VPAs went so well! And all week long it seemed like they weren’t and then at the last minute: HUGE dissolving of stuck about wedding to-dos and then AWESOME Shiva Nata class of awesomeness. YAY!
For this week:
CLARITY!
I had a huge Shivanautical epiphany about letting clarity do the work for me. And inviting clarity into every part of my life, but especially my-apartment-that-I’m-in-a-war-with. I want more progress on this!
How It Could Work:
Clarity could do the work! I could find ways to invite clarity in. I could do things that make me feel closer to clarity. Resting seems important somehow.
I will:
Play with it. Do some more Shiva Nata. Interview clarity and see what it says! Ask it to visit me at Stompopolis. Call the realtor.
Knees and Hips and Walking
My knees and my hips hurt all the time! Which has resulted in me not walking even short distances because oh the pain. But walking is one of my favorite things.
What I want is for something to move here, or for something to be understood. Some kind of flow or change in a positive direction.
How It Could Work:
I could do more yoga and that could be miraculous. Something could get shifted in massage. Clarity could sweep in here too and fix things. CLARITY! Something else could happen.
What I’ll do:
More Old Turkish Lady Yoga! Consider going back to yoga class, or trying a prenatal yoga class. Ask for lots of massages. Stay open for clews.
Sweet Dreams
I am really tired of revisiting all the worst parts of life and deepest fears every single morning. I would like no more nightmares! Or insight into how I can work with the stuff coming up in the nightmares in a different way.
How It Could Work:
I could safe room past selves. I could do more processing, energetic and emotional, throughout the day. Clarity could do the work for me! I could clean the bedroom (clarity could clean the bedroom).
What I’ll Do:
Interview my mysterious project. Keep hoping.
I’m going to experiment with some tiny Gwishes today.
Here are the things that I want this weekend! In no particular order.
1. The e-mail
2. For my body to continue feeling as non-painful as it is now, or even for it to improve
3. New flowers at my bedside table
4. Swimming, or a long shower, or possible both. Some form of water getting on me.
5. To get messy. Possible with markers and glitter and paint
6. Pretty painted fingernails
7. Writing. (Which I’m doing right now! Oooooh sneaky!)
8. Eggs for breakfast!
9. To find a great new book.
10. To find out more about the friend-of-a-friend who will soon be journeying to Portland, and see if I can hitch a ride with him.
And the qualities I’m connecting to! In no particular order.
-Delight
-Fun
-Play
-The feeling of The Weekend
-Practicing/Tinkering
-Steadiness in my own self/my own way of doing things.
-Tiny Adventures
-Ravenclaw powers!
-Comfort
-Calm
P.S. Universe, I would like that e-mail sooner rather than later 🙂
Ack. Realizing that I haven’t VPA’d in… 3 weeks? Something outrageously long. Mostly because I asked re: systems. And then something jumped the tracks. And I’ve been in the middle of this crazy epiphany/shift thing that I can see being good down the line but right now is blowing up my head.
So:
VPA #1: Get my arms around how the Shift works. And embrace systems accordingly.
Ways this could work: lots of exchanges with Slightly Future Me’s (Bel & LC.) Lots of work in the soft. Tons of rest & water.
My commitment: To make Sunday a day of REST. To take this slow. To remember that the leaves fall off in Autumn and the tree sleeps until spring. This is a transition. Sleep.
VPA #2: Consciously doing the things that need doing in the meantime, without stress.
Ways this could work: OOD at the Floop. Cut the list down to absolute essentials. Be kind.
My commitment: To write a prep list today. But RESTFULLY.
VPA #3: Prep for Upcoming Events — inlaw vacation, Boy birthday party, July Rally.
Ways this could work: OOD like crazy. Rest rest rest. Things could fall into place. use SHIFT.
My commitment: to ask myself “how ELSE could this work?”
Thanks, guys! Have a lovely week!
@Mechaieh – I don’t know what your requirements are for the sunscreen (i.e. eco-friendly/not tested on animals etc.) but if you’re okay with brand name stuff, I’ve had good experiences with Neutrogena’s Ultra Sheer Dry Touch stuff.
As for my VPA – wanting and being okay with wanting feels a little difficult right now, so I’m just going to gwish today too.
Gwishes:
– Safety, please.
– Love, compassion and support for me-who-feels-unsafe (and the perfect simple solution as to how I might give this to myself).
– Comfort with my rainbow arm-band (related to feelings of un-safety).
– Trust.
– A place to live for September that feels more congruent.
– A decision (or trusting the decision I’ve already made?) about graduate work.
– Words. A way to speak.
– The perfect hair clips.
– Dresses for summer. And cut-offs/capris.
– A light cotton night-suit.
– More trust!! (A trust-ritual maybe?)
– Sovereignty for a conversation I need to have with campus security.
– An essay proposal by tonight.
– A way to stay on my budget without feeling restricted or panicky. Hmm. I think I have some ideas as to how I might do this already.
– A way to say “no, I do not want to give you my phone number”, and a way to not feel like a complete meanie for it. (Eep! Hello Justify-Thyself!-monster.)
Updates:
– I’ve finally re-started exercizing, which was in my VPAs for a while. I realized that my body wanted a different kind of movement for this lovely warm weather, so bicycling it is.
– I’ve also kind of sort of maybe made a decision about what I want to do for grad school, which took significantly less time than I thought it would. It’s still a tentative decision, but something in me is screaming “yes! do it do it do it!” so an MSW might just be it (despite the extra year of uni I’d need to get required courses).
Love to everyone’s wants and wanting.
Hello, fellow VPAers!
Oh, the new gwishings – into the pot!
* All current Orphic projects to roll along one step closer, with minimal drama and fuss.
* To unstuck on my Honey and Toast writing.
* More Yoga.
* Unrelated people to love Recess
* Close all the side tabs and documents.
* To have one hour to play with the Funifesto. Would like yoga first. And shivasana after. Or maybe first, too.
* And to stick with the systems I know support me. Silly mind, not wanting to do the things it really, really knows work out for the best! Which really is how all of these gwishes will work – one tiny thing at a time!
Progress from last week:
* Much more relaxed about the fundraiser. Still need to find sponsors, but some have come through, and there’s just only so much I can do about it.
* Some progress with hula hooping, but so much WIND! And smoke from the fires, so not as much outside time as I’d like.
* Making tiny steps towards Recess… this week maybe 2 more…
* No Orphic site yet, but maybe this week!
VPA-ing again for the first time in months as well! WHEE!! Back to rituals!
Thing #1. Understanding my relationship to the two countries that I call home.
So, when I am in Korea for a while (read: longer than 2 weeks) I get super antsy and for the first time, I’m noticing stuff that comes up as Familiar Patterns as opposed to, you know, just Truth.
My perceptions right now: (1) I have no friends in Korea (2) I don’t belong here (3) I feel stifled here (4) Koreans hate me (5) my ‘real’ friends are in the US, which, now that I type it out, looks like the most ginormous case of outsider syndrome ever. I want to investigate this! Because many things about being here are fabulous and I don’t want to be weighed down by unexamined monster talk!
Also I’m thinking a lot about my default assumptions about geographical location (like moving to Europe will never ever happen, moving for a spouse or a real ‘job’ are the only legitimate reasons to move ever, you will hate anywhere that’s not NYC, you actually secretly hate NYC for being so crazy and you just need more nature and hippies, etc). Also worth investigating.
I am going to skip some stones on this, go on clew-finding expeditions, figuring out what lies behind all of these perceptions and what it is that I need to fill up on.
Thing #2. The joyous and surprised-filled continuation of Lovingly Not Giving a Shit.
I’m trying this new thing where I completely drop all of my obsessive-compulsiveness regarding, um, everything and declare my first priority to be Feeling Sweet ‘n’ Easy.
It is absolutely marvelous and full of surprising learnings so far.
May it continue. Please!
Thing #3. Perfect Simple Solutions for my parents’ anniversary.
I have stucknesses around this kind of thing because I’m the one in the family that’s Bad at ritualistic celebrations for this kind of thing and shoes get thrown, etc. But my mom is sensitive/sentimental/passive-aggressive mouse and my dad is, well, victim-mouse to mom’s moods, and the four of us are together for the first time and we’re actually getting along well (!) and I want this day to be sweet and non-stressful and special and full of remembering and appreciation.
I have monsters about this. I want to engage them instead of react to them. I want perfect simple solutions to emerge. I shall skip stones and gwish on this.
Thing #4. Cheffing the Kitchen. aka being Thomas Keller.
This is a proxy for something I’m silent retreating on. There are lots of decisions to be made, lots of clews to pick up on, lots of internal configuring and external schtuff to figure out.
I want this process to be filled with ease. EASE!!!! is my first priority!!!
Thing #5. My relationship to entering the River.
I want to find out where it is nourishing and where it isn’t and reconfigure my relationship to the river in the gentlest, most permission-filled, compassionate, baby-steps-y way possible.
AGAIN, my first and foremost priority is EASE.
I want to find corners and folds where EASE lives.
Thing #6. I want to send a bunch of postcards.
Sending postcards in the past has been a rather stuckifying endeavor in the past. Iguanas and logistical failure and stuff.
This time, I want this to be easier. I want this to actually happen. I am going to proxy this. Yes, that will help! With ease.
Thing #7. Art classes!
I am contemplating taking them. The problem is, many class-type things in Korea tend to be flabbergastingly (is that a word?) unsovereign and violent. (i.e. THIS IS RIGHT! THAT IS WRONG! YOU SHALL DO THIS! COLOR INSIDE THE BOX OR DIE!)
There are stucknesses in my relationship to art and training in art for many other reasons as well. But art classes! I want them. What do I need to know about this relationship? How do I create safety and joy and creative pleasure for myself? Is it worth it? (I have full permission to decide that it isn’t.)
For like the 29th time, my #1 priority will be basing this investigation on EASE.
I am going to use the Floop to skip stones and investigate on all of the above!
Whee!!!
Gwish:
To be published! For the poetry I have submitted to find receptive ears and an audience that appreciates it.
VPA:
What I want: To prosper! To be able to sustain myself and satisfy all my needs, and after I graduate to have the means to pay back student loans and to travel.
How this could work: Become the best employee ever (more hours and a raise, please). Put my savings in smart places. Spend my money on things in line with my values, that really benefit me. Be paid for my writing.
I’ll play with: Being open and receptive to new avenues of income, to receiving good from expected and unexpected sources. Affirmations. Books on personal finance. Abundance.
What I want:
The space for my vulnerable heart to be soft and trusting.
How this could work:
Create my own sanctuary
Be accountable
Play with:
Wanting what I want
Meditation
Making time to write on it
What I want:
Still — beautiful home
How this could work:
Declutter like a fiend
Art, flowers, things that make my heart sing
Routines
Play with:
Tossing crap that doesn’t resonate — ruthlessly!
Saying YES to the beautiful things
What I want:
To feel healthy in my body
How this could work:
In part, self-acceptance
In part, planning meals for the week and making sounder choices
In part, sneaking or pushing past my frustration of where I’m at vs where I think I should be and the monsters that give me permission to not try
Play with:
Proxy/Metaphor, etc
Cookbooks that thrill me
Here’s to everyone’s gwishes and hopes and dreams this week! May your week have light and love.
I love the theme of lusciousness! My small front yard is flourishing, the entire thing is in bloom, and it’s luscious. I’ve started thinking about lusciousness inside the house and also how to make the back yard luscious.
Asks for this week:
Thing the first: Lusciousness!
Because this theme so resonates with me, that is my first ask this week. I want luscious food, I want luscious bedding, I want luscious cushions on the chairs in the outdoor refueling station, I want luscious color on the walls.
Some things I can do:
– I can play in my attic, where I know I have some lovely things that need to see the light of day.
– Painting the outdoor furniture and planting plants.
– Asking W and J for ideas.
– Talking to the sandwich gnomes.
* While I was writing this, I suddenly wanted some hot buttered oatmeal with raisins and cinnamon, and I made some and it was luscious. May other forms of lusciousness come about with such ease! *
Thing the second: Good things to keep happening, and the upbeat mood to be sustained.
What I wrote in the Chicken: I want a lot more weeks like [the one just past], where good things happen to me and mine. (Um Universe? Please?) Gwishing the same for all the chickeneers, comment mice, and lurkers.
I think some of the inland explorations in Cabo Bojador helped with this. So did coming up with the iguana extermination plan, even though it won’t be implemented just yet. It is a Perfect Simple Solution that is going to solve a lot of problems.
What I can play with:
– Planting it here.
– Continue the inland explorations.
– Notice things and take notes.
– Call C and have lunch with B and hang out more with M
– Drifting
– Dreaming
– Dancing
Thing the third: Travel arrangements for London (not a metaphor) to be made, with ease.
I want to go this summer, but not during the Olympics. I want a hotel that has accessible accommodations and an easily accessible entrance to the hotel.
(The first time we went to London the hotel had what we needed inside but the entrance had four steps and no handrail. The “accessible entrance” was in the back of the hotel. We got off the bus at the hotel’s main entrance, walked almost a block to the parking entrance, then back almost a block to the hotel door, and then a longish walk from there to the elevator. I would like to avoid that!)
I ask for the perfect hotel at the perfect price to find us.
What I’ll try:
– Being clear on what I/we want and need.
– Listening to my intuition.
– Thoughtful use of the internet.
– Talking to people who know.
Love to everyone’s VPAs.
Yay hooray for liking the [travellythings] bag!
Last week, I asked for 1) movement and improvement in my marriage, 2) a week that glides into Stompopolis, and 3) a decision about an appointment. Gliding was accomplished despite speedbumps, hooray! A decision happened about the appointment, but most definitely not in a good-feeling way, so let’s figure that out. Also, marriage figurings and changings happened in some ways, but definitely not in other ways, so I am going to ask this again in a moment.
New VPAs!
1. Reconfiguring the marriage ask
Ahahaha yes because I want to reconfigure the ask but ALSO borrow the qualities of reconfiguring for the marriage itself. Even though this is full of stuck and pain. The ask itself needs to be reconfigured because I’m also not clear if the questions I’m asking myself
Ways this could work: Asking myself the four questions. Actually talking about the things that I learned during Sunday’s watch. Setting an intention and a time to talk about these things. Trying out the “testing statements” technique I’ve been playing with. Floopy processing, of course.
My commitment: To make this a part of the evening ritual.
2. Phone calls x4! Liz, haircut, New York, and therapy
Ways this could work: Bravery could simply…appear. Entry practices for safety and connecting to intentions. I could check the Resources section of my book of me and reread the Art of Embarking. Also, the perfect simple times could simply show up in my schedule, since my perception right now is that it is so very unlikely.
My commitment: Connection to Future Self. She knows why these 4 things are important so let’s try talking to her about it and maybe she’ll lend us some bravery, too.
3. Hot pink something-something
I am going to the derby championship on Saturday. Preparation! Entry!
Ways this could work: Boutfit = the costume of the me who knows how to go. But where oh where is this mysterious “shopping” time? This could connect (little train of choo-choo-choosing) to the yoga errand, actually. But also, I could figure this out later this week when I am not so Tuesday-muddled. Yeah.
My commitment: To rah-rah-rah it up! To cheer along with friends if I can find them in the ruckus! To bring my earplugs and my forcefield!
.
Happy VPAing to all! Hooray for chicken amnesty, what a nice way to come back to my weekday brain after a long weekend 🙂
Interesting, I didn’t complete that last sentence in my first VPA. It should have read, “…because I’m also not clear if the questions I’m asking myself are the right ones, in the sense of getting myself closer to what I want.
@Jesse – I have boutfit stuff you could borrow….
I find myself wanting more! And I want to write about it! But my monsters are telling me that It’s Greedy To Want Too Much, and You Had Your Turn Now Shut Up. So I’m going to silent retreat on my VPAs. But there has been some movement in at least half my Gwishes!
One more thing I want–to play around more on Twitter. I’ve spent a lot of time off it, now I’m on again. So, if you want to play with me, my new Twitter name is @justwhitneyrose. Cheers!
Gwishes!
1. Clarity, knowing What-Comes-Next. (Clarity keeps showing up in my asks and my NAME is Claire. It’s the same damn word, ain’t it? Therefore if the answer is in the question what ibreally want is more Me-ness. Supercharged Selfhood. Outrageous sovereignty. Invoking!!!)
2. The ?possum? in my roof to find another home. Preferably without me having to do anything or spend anything. Otherwise to become the person who knows what to do and is prepared to do it!
3. Car decrappification.
4. Computer acquisition.
5. Making a decision about solar power. I mean, I live in Australia it is insane that we’re still on the grid. (Also gwishing for the world that renewable and green energy r&d breakthroughs are made rapidly and deployed widely!!! *fairy dust*)
6. Greenhousing. (In my life not in the atmosphere, see above). A routine that helps me thrive and blossom and shelters me through any storm. Please Me, could we get on with that again? Thanks for your efforts so far, more please!
*fairy dust* on all VPAs and gwishings!!
Using the amnesty rule as it’s Tues… Wednesday. When did that happen?
Thing 1: a glimpse of my future path.
Here’s what I want:
I’m at “the end of the road”. I’ve been in education since I was 4. I finish my second degree in August. I need to know where I may end up.
I have “choices” but they all feel wrong. So i’d like some direction. I don’t mind forging my own path; walking through the dust to create my own road – but i’d love some guidance on what things I may find if I head east, west or north…
Ways this could work:
I’ve been making lists.
I’m applying for things I doing think I want; in case I want what’s in that direction.
Hmm.. maybe I should interview Future Me from 5 years time, since she’s already there.
I’ll play with…
Listening. Or trying to.
Costumes – which application shall I head for today; who could I be if I took this path?
Thing 2: a shift in my ideas around support.
Here’s what I want:
with all the above options; none of them offer me the support i’ve been used to over the past 3-4 years.
That scares me.
I want to understand support more; to maybe redefine it; so that I can find new support and new ways of finding support.
Or maybe change how much it means – maybe I don’t need as much now? Or won’t in August? Or a different type?
Ways this could work:
Looking at it.
Not looking at it too much.
Testing new methods.
Trying old methods to see if any don’t actually work (thus i’ve been having less than I first thought and been fine).
I’ll play with…
Cleaning the house. (usually helps me analyse without being too analytical).
Feeling supported and unsupported in different ways / spaces? Standing on one leg is a method of “unsupport” but I have no fear of that.
Thanks again for providing this space, Havi. And to all the commenters.
Thing #1
I want the plane to be off of the ground. NOW. (proxy)
Ways this could work:
Just have the conversation. Be upfront and definitive. Say what you can give and then prepare to move on.
My commitment:
At least start the conversation later today. Make a phone call.
Thing #2
I reallllllllllllllllllly want the plane to be off of the ground.
Ways this could work:
Give myself a reward once this happens. (trip?) (hotel stay?) (throw a party?)
My commitment:
To throw my party. Listen to what I need.
Thing #3
Organization for where I put my blog posts
Ways this could work
Start simple – folder called blog posts.
Commitment
Just begin.
Thing #4
Still thinking about rituals that support me… I could like more in my day
Ways this could work
Really, the first step is undoing the big blockages, and then building from there
last week’s VPA:
SO interesting – I’m consistently wanting more systems that support, rituals, writing and there is really one thing that is gunking all of this up (that is, the next step is for the plane to take off, before these things can begin to work themselves into better shape). Even the yoga — it’s all SO connected!
Oh, I’ll just plant a little seed here, shall I?
Here’s what I want: I want family house party preparations (read: bunches of housecleaning with a deadline and probably four different people’s versions of “acceptable”) to be smooth, graceful, ease-ful, joyful, and maybe even fun.
Ways this could work: Monsters say, It can’t! Okay, monsters, you could very well be right, but just for a minute, let’s pretend that it could work. Okay? Thanks.
If it could work, I would focus on doing my own share of the tasks at hand. I would find ways to enjoy myself, and not worry too much about whether the other three members of my household were enjoying themselves, because really, that’s up to them.
I’ll play with… Exploring my own moods, treating my thoughts and feelings like clay that I can squeeze and shape and sculpt — and allowing the other three members of my family to feel any way they need to feel, treating any impulses on my part to “fix” their feelings as just more clay to be played with.
Yeah. Kind of a tall order. Fortunately, I like clay.
I believe this is my second-ever VPA. Thanks for the magic, everyone.
Thing #1
Clarity (thanks Rhiannon) on the direction/movement that I should or should not take (stillness as action)
How this could look:
“getting it”
Finding it.
My Commitment:
daily practices
openings: internal and external
seeking: external research
Thing #2
Website(s) UP, with content
How this could look:
work it out
write write write
relax relax relax
My commitment:
phone my web-master for help
Write- at least 200 words per day for the next 4 days
Thing #3
Direct and honest communication in that area that has always been difficult.
how it could work:
use words
gently,
clearly
and
directly
My commitment:
just do it.
Hi Havi! I have a very personal ad I would like to post:
Thing 1: Continuing to finish some writing.
Here’s what I want:
To unblock my block about these two projects.
Ways this could work:
– I could write about my block and write right through it.
– I could go on a silent retreat.
– I could do a happy dance.
I’ll play with:
– my pen and my journal.
– I can interview the Slightly Future Me and see how I get out of this one.
– Listening to lots of good music.
– Maybe asking my Wall out on a date and seeing what’s up with her being so wall-y.
@Loon: Thanks!