Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
I am liking these so much more now that they are, secretly (not really secretly, but I like pretending that they are), Visions of Possibility and Anticipation in addition to being Very Personal Ads.
Something else that is a little different this time.
This week was super interesting because a theme showed up, in the form of the the quality or superpower of CONGRUENCE.
A very shivanautical theme in the sense that it has to do with deconstruction.
Congruence means recognizing things that are no longer working for you or in your life, for whatever reason.
And then, lovingly and clearly, agreeing to let them come apart. To release the disharmonious bits, so that they can come into their new harmonious configurations.
That’s what showed up. (It is often the theme after Rally, due to all the intensely amazing things that happen there, but this week it is absolutely taking over everything.)
So. Congruence. Congruence is all my asks this week, and I am just going to look at how different aspects of my life can become more congruent with where I am and what I want right now. The monsters say that this is the stupidest hippie shit of all time, so we’ll have another conversation about that too.
Thing 1: Congruence at Hoppy House.
Here’s what I want:
Hoppy House is my wonderful house.
It came to me through a Very Personal Ad three and a half years ago, and I am still in the throes of a mad passionate love affair with this house that was built for me, I am convinced, even though it was built in 1911 so it couldn’t have known about me. But there you have it.
Anyway, things that are stagnant or broken (maybe not physically but in some essential way?) need to change, and that needs to happen now.
Ways this could work:
I could remember that when I get that internal sense of NOW IS THE TIME that the best thing I can possibly do is listen. Not argue. Not contradict. Not cajole into waiting until there is time, money, blah. Just committing to paying attention.
Even if I can’t act on it yet, paying attention.
Here is what I’m planting as my wishes, for now:
- More plants in bedroom and bath!
- A new bathmat in a new color.
- Take down the shelves.!
- Bring the new bedside table.
- Flowers.
- Orange cushions! Like at the Hidden Playground.
- The print from Erin for the hall.
- Pick up the table from Mary instead of avoiding this, you’re avoiding it because you care so much!!
I’ll play with…
Doing an OOD for that table I fell for the other day so that I can learn what my resistance knows about this, and what I know about it.
Staying connected to the love that I feel for Hoppy House.
Giving myself permission to want what I want, even if wanting is terrifying. I don’t have to do anything with the want just yet. But what if I’m allowed to want it?
Remembering that congruence can include perfect simple solutions, and it can include grace and ease. Also: fractal flowers! Small changes lead to other changes, everything is connected.
And: I am on the right path! I am being curious and investigating. Go me!
Thing 2: Congruence with my body.
Here’s what I want:
Being in gazelle state.
Baths.
Setting up physical therapy with Ashley.
Earlier to bed.
More walking.
Feet!
Grounding.
Presence.
Ways this could work:
Paying attention. Asking loving and curious questions. Skipping stones.
Taking it to the garden.
I’ll play with…
Remembering that for me, body is where it all happens.
Body is home.
Thing 3: Congruence in the Portals!
Here’s what I want:
This is kind of a proxy, and it’s a bit personal. So I’m going to have to use secret agent code.
What do I want here?
Jazz. Luggage. Feet. Chrysalis. Ritual. Containers. Sheets and sheet music. All the right socks. Not to mention the scariest part. Teeeeckets!
And, this is the most important part, SPACE TO AND FOR MYSELF. God, I feel so strongly about this. And it scares me a little.
Ways this could work:
I think it’s time to learn more about why I want it.
Also to have a negotiated chat with some of the monsters who are all, oh doom what if Havi is happy and holy crap what will happen then?!?!?!
I’ll play with…
Delighting in the plan. Delighting in possibility.
Thing 4: Congruence at the Hidden Playground.
Here’s what I want:
New signs. Extra tablecloths so we can do laundry after Rally without the Playground looking all weirdly naked.
More flowers!
Ask the first mate to tell B that we couldn’t find her thing. Sadface!
Also the pictures in the hypothalmus.
Ways this could work:
I could take a nap and it could all be magically done by Heinzelmaennchen, because that would be nice.
I don’t know. It seems important though.
I’ll play with…
Me, my project, a notebook.
The three of us will play there and see what happens. Maybe on Wednesday.
Thing 5: Congruencing for this week!
Here’s what I want:
Lots of tiny things.
Move Wally. Call Cargo. Have Danielle pick you up. Get the new hooks up. Birthday gift for Y.
Ways this could work:
Ask Barrington for help! She’ll know exactly what to do.
I’ll play with…
Tiny private Rally, just for me.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Let’s see. I wanted to update the updates, and that happened! That was big.
Then I wanted to use the word TRYST and rewrite the word checklist, and both of those happened. Thank you, Chuck and Cairene!
Next there was all this stuff about INDEPENDENCE, and that was a major theme this week. I am feeling so relieved that I planted this because today at the beach I had at least six gigantic shivanautical epiphanies about this theme, and then solved a gigantic problem. I delight in independence!
There was a super scary ask about Alice Seeing Under Things, and I did the courageous thing and feel good about it. All the points! All the points!
So yeah. Good week. Thank you, visions of possibility. And anticipation. You are sparkly. And whatever didn’t happen I will replant with different noticings.
Oh and remember a few weeks ago when I asked for a hat for my mouse? Karensu might be able to make me one! Incredible.
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
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Visions of Possibility and Anticipation!
Last week I wanted to brunch around with the blanket fort, which happened Not. At. All. Reasking. And I wanted to get closer to the blanket fort, which very much happened, but not in the way I thought. Reasking that too.
I wanted more harmony between Big and Little, and that was really hard but progress was made. And finally I wanted to write a list and I’m still not *satisfied* with my list but oh my the very useful things it has brought up. Many of them! And I have, if nothing else, a shitty first draft.
This week!
ASK NUMBER ONE! Get this f***ing furniture out of my apartment!!!
So under all the frustration, this is about spaciousness, congruence, and making room for the baby. But the specifics are important: renting the storage unit. Calling the movers. Making enough space for cleanliness to have a chance. I want all of that to happen this week, so that *next* week I can start reconfiguring everything else.
Ways this could work:
Well, there is already a way to pay for 2/3 of the storage cost each month, so that’s a start. And I bookmarked the cheapest and closest units ages ago. And the hubsters knows a good moving company. So mostly it’s just making it happen. Probably tomorrow or Thursday.
I could also work in the soft on associations with storage units, fears about stuff and its accumulation, and bringing more clarity and spaciousness into our apartment!
I’ll play with:
Patience, probably. The deguiltified chicken board. Could I bring radiant presence to this? Actually…that’s ask number two.
Ask number two: Re-accessing radiant presence.
Some bad things happened and now it feels like radiant presence and I are oh so very far away from each other. Which is a story. But a scary and powerful one. I want my radiant presence (force field) back!
Ways this could work:
I could give myself some permission. I could try safe rooming the monsters. Shiva Nata would be a good idea. More sleep! More food!
I’ll play with:
Setting up one physical safe space. With boundaries. In the hard
Setting up many safe spaces in the soft for many parts of me.
Shiva Nata + Talking to future me.
Ask number three: Food for the chickens!
Chickens in this case, being a proxy for EVERYTHING. But also for specific things.
Basically: they need food. They’re not going to die or anything, but I’m pretty sure we’d all do better if I fed them.
Ways this could work:
I could understand more about the relationship between chickens, food, and eggs.
The food could be oh so easy to acquire! That would be wonderful.
I’ll play with:
Curiosity. More safe rooms.
Over and out.
Update
I am re-asking most of my asks of the past two weeks.
Permission slips, permission permission permission. It takes as long as it takes!
Things are moving in amazing directions but they just weren’t happening yet.
A good conversation. A solid draft. A closing of a door. Preparation for retreat week (sssshhh this means filling up on the qualities of beach).
What did happen: practice with the forcefield. Clarity in a situation. And yet I am re-asking those, too. They worked well and this is growing! I loves the clarity. I loves the forcefield options. Practice practice practice
I am growing somewhere!
ways all of this could work – time, containers, spaciousness
i’ll play with entry & exit. music. writing loving letters to the process.
The New Thing
Being outside. Being outside with myself or with new friends seems to be all I want. It’s like waking up after a wintersleep of a few years and I can’t seem to stop.
I want this in a way that is “feasible”? as in my life shouldnt crash and burn preferably (ow that sounds like monster talk) and yet I do really want this and seem not able to compromise right now.
i’ll play with being. crush it. just moving forward unabashedly.self-trust and strength. saying “it’s not really a problem”
Hello, Havi. Hello, all. Hello, July…
Gwishes:
* a full-length mirror
* the hoops between now and future me: more clues
* a superpower: transforming malevolent megaphones into… not sure what, yet. I’ll play with the possibilities.
Wishing everyone a good week!
What I want: Letting things just simply be.
I want this to be the theme for the week. Accepting, enjoying, finding the good, not trying to hold on to the good, let them be as they are, let them leave when they must.
I could play with finding the Beatles song and listening to it as the theme song for the week!
I could remember the last few weeks, floating along feeling happy, and do what I have been doing.
When hard things happen, to me or to someone I care about, I could let those things be while I let myself be, separate from the situation.
I could practice being fully present.
What I want: More Victoria!
Victoria is the strongest and most capable version of me. She took charge of a potentially difficult situation on Monday and handled it with great aplomb.
I’d like to see more of her.
I could invoke her when I know there is need. I could ask her to come to the front of the V.
I could dress for her. She especially likes tall black boots and gray eye shadow and that bright red laptop bag that looks like a large purse.
There are certain — what is the word, not accessories, accoutrements? – that invoke her powers. I can keep them handy, in the red laptop bag.
I could learn more about her.
What else I want: I want to go swimming and shoe shopping with J. This mostly depends on how J is feeling. I can keep space open for that, and call her often.
And I want the most comfortable possible but still stylish shoes possible, ones that my feet will love every single day. Research has shown that I always have the best luck in finding things if I shop with her rather than on my own.
So that is what I want. And I want a good week for all.
One huge wish for the week:
The superpower of persuasion, and belief in my vision so strong it sweeps people away.
In the last year, stuff has happened to make me wonder sometimes about my ability to make crazy, beautiful and elegant things happen.
Today I have a chance to ask someone to buy into a new crazy, beautiful and elegant vision.
It’s a vision that is super important to me. Both because I love the idea, and because it would open a lot of doors to the future for me.
Today I give myself permission to worry about that meeting. Its not like she can break or make the plan, but her buy-in would make things so much smoother.
This is a tiny bit better, because I had another meeting yesterday, and that person thought this was a great idea. But that person has a history of liking good ideas, and today’s person has a history of not always getting what I’m talking about at all.
How this could work: Reprint my papers, review what I want. Plan three ways to approach her, then select what feels the most promising.
I’ll play with: changing who is at the front of the V. Force fields and grounding. Entry ritual. Filling up on all the energy and sparkles. Remembering that I have the power to do this.
Good week and good gwishing for all!
VofPA for this week:
Some insights, clews, epiphanies, learnings about the notion of ‘filling up on my me-ness’. Following last week’s mad ramble about all-is-one-big-energy-field-so-everything’s-okay I was noodling on the idea of what it is that keeps the (eg) table in that form, seeing as on an atomic level there’s a lot less distinction between table and not-table and particles are flying every which way. That. Essence. Atman. Deva. Or something. Supercharging the specific form of [whatever] that defines the specific parts of the energy field that I can access and those I can’t.
I suspect this is going to involve chakras or some of that hippy yoga energy crap I’m terrified of because I struggle to understand it intellectually therefore huuuuge resistance to playing with it because something I might experience but can’t wrap up in words doesn’t mean shit to my Very Clever (threatened) Brain.
So probably the first thing to do is chat to the Brain and get it to take some very accurate notes on some experiments. Something like that…..
C’mon Brainey. I’ll take you to the library and let you do some research, ‘kay?
*fairy dust on everyone’s visions*
I’m out of VPA practice! So slowly getting back in here…
#1: A system of systems. A way to keep track. A way to set up things to make my life easier, especially in places where I am habitually stuck or avoiding.
How this could work: I could set up all the reminders for bills in something that emails me. I could have a thing that keeps all the emails for stuff-I-need-to-do in one place that makes sense and doesn’t freak me out. I could figure out a way to work with nice V.A. who wants to trade editing for V.A. work.
My commitment: to make a list of stuff that would make my life easier (ooh, like the sound of that) and take baby steps towards them!
Thanks guys. 🙂
OOOoooohhhhhh!
I get it now!
Congruence! Yes! Thank you for your describing-of-it! Something just clicked into place for me…
Probably because I’m having a bit of congruencing going on right now. Things that aren’t in alignment are making their way to the door….
Hmmm.. I think I shall send them off with a proper good bye. a thank-you-very-much for your services, but we will no longer be requiring you here… in a celebratory way. in a way that fully honours my need for them in the past, and the roles they were playing and all that they fulfilled… but it’s time to let go…
Aha! thanks! bing bing bing… lightbulbs going off!
jessica
This is not exactly a VPA-focused comment–I hope that’s OK! I got something I didn’t ask for, today, that is SO COOL that I want to note it here right away, for celebration and possible use by others:
Background: I use my smartphone many times a day: it’s where I keep my calendar reminders and to-do lists and memos of many sorts. Sometimes the to-do lists have been very, very daunting. I have been using the same display color scheme on my phone since I got it, several years ago. I like that color scheme, BUT:
Today, I realised that, with about 3 clicks, I can change the color scheme to give myself an instant and frequent and nonverbal reminder THAT NOW IS NOT THEN! YAY!
(I LOVE instant magic! For today, my calendar and memos have a swimming-pool blue background. 😀 😀 😀 )
Also, on a less bubbly but possibly even more important note:
Yesterday, it occurred to me that my moderate-clinical-depression brain chemistry may be affecting how quickly I’m able to make good use of Rally experiences and techniques, and how much determination and resourcefulness I may need to apply. I think I can be OK with that. It’s a big improvement over fearing that Rally didn’t work very well for me. IT MAY BE WORKING FINE, JUST SLOWER THAN I WANTED. So, today, I did stone-skipping about what I know about how determination works for me. And I feel a lot better. Phew!
Sending good wishes to all who are here and exploring their stuff! May you make delightful discoveries!
P.S. especially to Havi: I’m glad you saw the possible hat offer for Potter. 🙂 I serenely await the exquisitely appropriate timing for you or a Pirate crew member to tell me about the size that would work and delightful color possibilities. YAY! 😀
Congruence does sound good. When it came time to turn the page on my Playground calendar and name July (I’ve been taking a quietly intuitive approach to naming my months this year), I found that it wanted to be the Moon of Re-grouping. I am not completely sure what that means, but I have a feeling that congruence may have a lot to do with it. Community may be part of the mix as well. I recently drew a Deva card (thank you, Hiro!) on my birthday, and the card I drew was Communion. Communion with myself? With others? With my projects? All of the above? Time will tell. It’s a bit of a mystery to me, but I think it’s a good mystery.
And there you have it: a glorious tangle of spoken and unspoken gwishes. Into the pot!
I’ve been having a glimpses of a vision of My Perfect Webdesigner, someone who can create the structure and format for the information and ideas that my business has that I want everyone to know. My vision of this person is a kind of type-A, feminist who is really clear about what boundaries and empowerment and strength and injury feel like, who is also very move-y and dance-y and lives near Boston.
Congruence, yes!
Big YESes to congruence this week.
I often think about how telling the truth is the real source of power. Even if I just tell it to myself.
Congruence is the effect of telling the truth.
Which amplifies my power.
So YES! to congruence! Thanks, Havi.
I’m going to ask for:
1) movement forward on big project that I’m excited and scared about.
I’ll play with: a little bit every day, with a goal of part one done on Friday.
Also, stickers. For rewards.
2) Closing old boxes: I want to make clear the ending of certain things that need to end. I want to do this easily and with grace.
I’ll play with: writing and posting the thing where it needs to go, THEN writing big scary letter.
Rewards for doing the hard?
3) Body is hurting. I would like much less hurting.
I’ll play with: stretching, taking a walk, maybe swimming (weather permitting), drinking more water.
4)lots of new toys and thoughts for my brain, not wanting do do any of them.
I’ll play with: one tarot reading, one shiva nata practice, one round of monster journaling. Just a little bit is enough.