Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: I’d like my energy back, please.
Here’s what I want:
To be over the tired, the cranky, the grumpy.
In a way that’s nonviolent and mindful: something that does not involve pushing or forcing, but also isn’t just about sleeping it off.
Ways this could work:
I could remember to take my iron, which always helps.
More walking. Short, brisk, let’s-go-to-the-park walks.
Talking to Tired Me and to Slightly Future Me, who knows more about this than I do.
My commitment.
To be curious and loving. To avoid all things prescriptive. To ask smart questions.
To not fight with what I learn. To be willing to be surprised.
Thing 2: Dr. Seuss books for the Playground.
Here’s what I want:
The Playground is in need of some Dr. Seuss books!
Ways this could work:
Used bookstores! Yard sales!
Putting out the word.
Maybe you have some that you are ready to give to a new home.
I don’t know.
My commitment.
To connect to the feeling: the loopy, quirky, colorful, anything-is-possible feeling.
To remember to ask.
To keep looking.
Thing 3: the last couple people for the April Rally (Rally!)
Here’s what I want:
We are mostly full for the next Rally (Rally!), which is an extremely fun one. April 11 – 14! That’s Monday – Thursday.
And it will change how you approach projects forever, but in a really good way.
I would like the last of the sign-ups to come in, so I can go back to decorating and planning for it to be fabulous. And to jumping up and down with my excitement to play with the Rally mice.
Ways this could work:
Obviously, I have to remember to tell people. That’s usually a good plan.
And I really do not want to do any convincing.
However, I am willing to share results.
(So at the last Rally, one person mapped out her entire novel in an hour, after avoiding it for like, a decade or something. I solved two massive problems in my business that had previously seemed like giant walls. And that’s not even the cool stuff.)
In the hard, there are all sorts of systems things I can be working on. I’m sure it would also help to get the Playground website up one of these years too.
And in the soft, there are all sorts of useful questions (like these) that I can ask, to see what comes up.
My commitment.
To write love letters.
To adore everyone who comes.
To do a little dance.
Thing 4: a Refueling Station for meeeeee!
Here’s what I want:
At the Playground we have a Refueling Station.
This is an idea that was born inside of Crankypants McGrumblebug’s Kvetchtastic Whine Bar (part of my Kitchen Table program). And then we translated it to the Playground.
It’s this special room that you get to go to when you need a moment.
You can draw the curtain and be all by yourself or leave it open if you’d like company.
There is a hammock and a giant pink beanbag chair and lots and lots of blankets and cushions.
It is a marvelous place to hide. I want one of my own, in my office Wish Room at Hoppy House.
Ways this could work:
I do not know. I cleaned out a space for it about two years ago. Put up the sign for it in June.
And nothing has happened. Apparently it scares me.
So really the ask is not so much for the refueling station but for help becoming the kind of person who feels okay investing in herself and her space.
I know I want the kind of refueling station that I would make for someone else.
And I’m not sure what would need to happen for me to be able to do that.
My commitment.
To be curious. To ask lots of loving question.
To bring in the monster negotiators to negotiate for me.
To find out what I would do in a variety of situations that are not this one.
To be patient, because this is a big symbolic thing, for a variety of reasons, and I don’t need to resolve it right this second.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to find a special mirror. Thank you for the lovely suggestions in the comments. I’m definitely feeling more comfortable about the idea of it, so that is definitely a start. 🙂
Then I wanted help with input and decisions for new Rally schwag, and I have some really good ideas. So yay.
I asked for clarity to make a decision, and got some. Though have I made the decision? Not at all. But at least I have a lot more information about what I want.
And I wanted my potentially uncomfortable meeting to be a happy one, and it totally was. It was so…. full of ease. I’m kind of in awe. Thank you for all your help and all the good wishes.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
The word “manifest”. To be told how I should be asking for things. To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Much love for your gwishes! So happy to have you doing this with me.
Follow
Sending you love and hugs with your energy and station. Sending good vibes to all Dr Suess books in your area to jump off the shelves and hide in time for you to find them.
Three weeks ago, I asked for conflict resolution. It didn’t go well but I think we’re okay now.
This week, I’d like a couple of things.
Thing 1: Routine & Energy
Here’s what I want:
I cannot sleep. This sucks. I get a week off and I STILL don’t sleep. Okie. I’d like to have routine for bedtime, waking time and then hopefully, peaceful sleeps. No More Sharks; do you hear my subconscious?! No More Sharks. I LOVE sharks. Stop having them attack me in dreams.
Ahem.
In a way that’s nonviolent and mindful please.
Ways this could work:
Taking my iron tablets, drinking water before bed and after waking.
Daily Exercise.
Daydreaming?
Alarm clock.
My commitment.
To go to bed when I’m tired if it’s after 9pm.
To get up by 9am each morning.
Thing 2: Money [way to be subtle]
Here’s what I want:
I need £10,000 to do a Masters (MSc) course next year. I have a casual job which means I can only work when they have work for me. I made less than £100 in 3 months last term.
I don’t feel comfortable charging money but I will need to afford food and bills.
Ways this could work:
I’ve put a donate button on my blog.
I’m lowering the prices on the services I do offer.
I’ve working on an ebook but I don’t have the confidence to show people yet. 🙁
I could email my boss and be really pro-active? But don’t want it to backfire..
My commitment.
To save money where I can [no more quorn :(]
To try to respect my own capacity [considering I’m not sleeping either]
To check back here; in case others have ideas/hints.
Love and hugs to everyone who’d like one.
Rose
x
YAY for April Rally! I’m so excited to go!!
Thing I Want #1:
Energy at Work. (See, I’ve got all kinds of energy for stuff at home, and for my business, but I feel lethargic at work. Not sure if it’s the environment or my attitude.)
Ways This Could Work:
I eat healthier and drink more water, so that I’m not sick all the time. I could buy one of those natural light lamps to give me a boost. I do shiva nata in the handicap stall in the bathroom, where no one would notice. I could bring in a cd player and cd’s so that I could have mini-invisible-dance parties at my cube. I could take walks outside when I need a break.
My Commitment:
To spend this week as an investigator. To pay attention to my mood, my health, and what’s distracting me. To be kind to myself this week, cause I’ll have PMS and want all the wrong things.
Thing I Want #2:
The Irreverent Business Plan Outline.
I kinda want to finish this outline and/or workbook (full of curse words and the *right* questions) so that I have something to fill out during next Rally! I might even make it available to others, because I found a profound lack of FUN business plans when I searched.
Ways This Could Work:
I could work on it a little every night. I could do it all at once after a bit of Shiva Nata. I could not worry about it, and trust that it will happen at Rally!
My Commitment:
Crude language. Honest questions. Hilarity (to me, at least). To make it fun, and not just another “chore.”
Thing 1: To Not Be Sick
I’ve been struggling with 2 sicknesses this week. It’s sapping my energy, costing me money for treatment, and getting in the way of getting anything done. It sucks. I’m over it.
Ways this could work:
-Letting the medicine work by taking enough rest
-Asking the sicknesses what they need from me
-A magical woo-woo healing
My committment:
-Taking all my medicine
-Drinking lots of ginger tea and water
-Praying for healing
Thing 2: Less Freaking Out
I have stuff that I’m working on. Committees, things that require that I go to business meetings, ect. I have leadership positions. I dread times when I have to Be Officially Present and Responsible. I am realizing that the actual Things that I have do accomplish are not that big or scary. But I still have fear of the times when I have to Show Up and Do Stuff. Today I have a few of those things happening. Usually they happen on the same day, for some reason. I’d like to freak out less about these things.
Ways This Could Work:
-Asking for more help and more delegating
-Giving myself permission to do my best and be imperfect (I’m good at giving others that permission)
-Continuing to work on My Stuff and watching this magically drift away
My Commitment:
-Continuing to recognize this pattern
-Telling others when I’m freaking out and letting them help me
Thing 3: Spain!
I am going to Spain in the summer to study abroad. I’m still figuring out how I’m going to pay for that.
Ways This Could Work:
-My grandma can help me financially
-Financial Aid can find me more grants for the summer
-I can take out a personal loan (not my favorite, but possible)
My Commitment:
-To continue tracking my spending to move towards better money management
-To keep pursuing all my options
-To pray that if this is the right thing, it’ll happen
What I want:
The space to engage with my community. I have been very busy working, and I miss the connections I had.
Ways this could work:
I could let something I’m doing right now go.
I could surrender my desire to always be in charge of everything so that I have more space.
I could re-define engagement, so that it’s more manageable in my life.
My commitment:
I will be gentle with myself and others.
I will respect and tend to my needs.
I will allow myself time to find a solution.
I will drink tea when I need to.
What I Want:
Unsolicited advice. Seriously, you know you’ve got some – lay it on me. Tell me what I need to do to find a man friend, give me your best tip on whatever you think I need to improve in my life. (don’t know me? make something up, it might just be what I need.)
Ways this could work: Y’all could give me unsolicited advice.
My commitment: To read and ponder all U.A.
I’m really digging these VPAs. Noticing that I feel a lot of resistance around looking back to see what I’ve asked for in the past. It’s almost like I ask for whatever and then it’s out of my mind (or the front of my mind, at least). Anyway…
Havi — I love the Dr. Seuss book idea! I’m going to see if I have any packed away that I could donate. Wish I could take one of the spots for the April Rally!
Thing 1 por moi: Courage
I feel pretty sure that I’ve come up with my *thing* (thank you Rally!-Kim) and now I have to come out of hibernation — which is probably a good thing — and talk about it to at least a few people. I’m SCARED. I love my idea. I want to protect it from people who don’t love it like I do. I’m having enough trouble with my monsters. I would like to be able to talk about this thing I love and feel safe.
Ways this could work:
– I could remember to put my force field in place.
– I could resist the urge to tell EVERYONE about my *thing* until it is further along.
– I could pretend like I haven’t found it.
– I could prepare a “spiel” about my thing, in writing, and carry it with me.
– If I encounter resistence/less than love from others I could remember to love those people cuz they mean well.
My committment:
– to remember my force field.
– to be gentle with myself and love the part of me that is beside herself with excitement as well as the part that is scared shitless.
– to be careful about who I reveal my thing to.
– to trust that I’ve done my homework on my thing — it is what I do best (homework)
Thing 2: Space for Mom
Mom has been out of the country since before Rally! She might be the same person when she comes back but I’m not the same person. When I think of her coming home I start to shrink up protectively and harden myself to her. Probably because I’m scared that she won’t support my doing my thing and I’m scared that she is going to want a lot of my attention when all I want to do is work on my thing and be alone. I would like to feel warm and open and soft towards her AND be able to set boundaries without feeling guilty.
Ways this could work:
– Well, writing this helped already.
– I could remember that I don’t have to sell her on my thing, she doesn’t have to love it. I love it.
– I could remember that she is more likely to love it than not love it and I’m making all this shit up in my head 🙂
– I can write down what I would like the boundaries to be and figure out a loving way to say them out loud.
– I could not leave everything to the last minute before she gets home.
My committment:
– I will be gentle with myself.
– I will give myself permission to not be perfect.
– I will remember to feel grateful that I even have the opportunity to have conflict with my mommy.
– I will do 1 thing today to prepare for her homecoming.
OMG — I have MORE VPAs but this is getting way too long.
Hugs and/or warm thoughts to everyone!
@seagirl
You are gorgeous. You need more napping! I suggest meeting lots of people to help you find a mate. But since there aren’t any “napping clubs” – you probably need to not do the last two pieces of advice at the same time.
Also, eat spinach and have mini-dance parties alone. Naked.
Amen to wanting back of the energy. Viva energy!
And a Refueling Station sounds lovely. I would love to know how you set yours up. I could so use one.
Last week!
Gwishes! Got ’em. And Things! Got those too!
This week!
Thing 1: Answers, explanations, or at least peace of mind
What I would like: I’m having a whole “crisis of faith” thing. I’d like a simple, speedy, and elegant answer for it to just breeze on in, please.
Ways this could happen:
I don’t know.
No, really, I have no idea.
It just could?
I could read, talk, ask others and myself.
I could get clear on my stuff surrounding it.
My commitment:
To do the clearing.
To be open to new and wonderful directions.
Thing 2: Ritual help
What I would like: To get an easy, gentle rhythm going in my lift – a la Michael Nobbs, Sustainably Creative – so that I can start to move along.
Ways this could happen:
I could make a reminder for myself.
I could work through my stuff surrounding it.
I could work through my stuff about the things.
Reread some Havi and KT and Julia and Michael.
My commitment:
To be gentle! No self-bludgeoning.
To be open to the ways my mind and body would like to function.
To take as much time with this as I need, despite the feelings of “rush, rush, rush”.
VPA! I haven’t done one of these in a while.
Thing 1 — To NOT be sick! I’m starting to feel ookey, and I have to go back to work tomorrow. I’m just finishing a week’s vacation, so calling in sick really isn’t an option.
How this could happen — herbs and essential oils and chicken soup and a good night’s sleep could fix me right up.
My commitment — to swallow the herbs and apply the essential oils and drink the soup and go to bed early.
Thing 2 — Clarity on my Thing. Right now it feels like the Important Idea is hiding in a thick mist. I would like for it to show itself.
How this could happen — not sure. If anyone has any favorite methods for getting ideas to show themselves, I would be most grateful to read them.
My commitment — to come back to see if anyone left suggestions. To journal more on the topic and hope it becomes clear. To do shiva nata.
So, Seagirl asked for some unsolicited advice. *ponders*
I don’t know Seagirl, so this ask led my brain to a quick review of the best and the worst of the unsolicited advice I’ve received. The worst — all the people who advised me to move to Bolivia. Because I am so NOT wired to be Bolivian. The best — the little old lady in one of my classes freshman year who advised me to “test drive” my fiance before saying “I do” — Thanks Pearl!
But what unsolicited advice to give? I’m going to go with what I really wish someone had told me —
Make yourself a very secure Blanket Fort. Even if it is only in your imagination. Make the Fort Knox of Blanket Forts. And every day, spend a little time there. Since it is so secure and you are perfectly, perfectly safe, experiment with being honest with yourself about who you are and what you want. No one is spying on you because your Fort is so secure. It is safe to let the image you maintain for others take a nap. And there, in this totally safe place, at least for a few minutes a day, listen to your real voice.
I hope that at least entertained you, Seagirl!
Happy week everyone!
The VPA that wants to be written is not the one I was going to write. Interesting.
What I want: to explore my relationship to the question ‘why’, which I generally never ask in a way that is helpful.
Ways this could happen: I could journal about it after Shiva Nata practice. I could take notes whenever the question pops into my head. I could ask myself what I need whenever the question pops into my head. Other as-yet-unknown ideas.
My commitment: I will flail and write. I will do the others as often as I can (because I do not want to turn them into shoulds). I will be open to the unexpected.
@pink, thank you! I love the advice to build a blanket fort! I think I’m going to build it on my yoga mat at home, I like doing experiments there and it’s got a force-field around it. And no one can see me so if I decide to skip lunges and spend the whole time upside down, no one can see me!
I love it!
Since last time…
We still haven’t found a name for our duo. I didn’t manage to make much headspace for it…but my duo partner apparently did, because he emailed me an idea from vacation! Maybe my VPA went and talked to him. Unfortunately, that name was taken too. Onward and through-ward.
Still moving very slowly in the getting-help-for-my-Thing department. But I did use a free offer, and the 30 minutes gave me the essential help I needed right then. Yay!
I guess I want to leave those two VPAs standing. Or, sitting in lotus position. Or whatever they do while they’re waiting to be fulfilled.
Okay, this week.
#1: To continue my newly revived meditation practice even when the novel that is inspiring me is over. (Boy, that sounds silly.) (Hey, that was a monster speaking. Can we have a date to talk?)Okay, here it is: I’m being inspired by The Fifth Sacred Thing by Starhawk to be more conscious about the grounding practice I learned from her book The Spiral Dance and have been doing for almost 30 years.
How this could work: I could get solid enough while I’m getting daily infusions of novel-inspiration that I will carry on afterwards. I could commit to periodically reading other inspiring things. My partner and I could keep making time to meditate together after her spring vacation is over.
My commitment: To be awake to the depths that are always there below my daily busyness. To notice. To remember how good it feels to make space for meditation.
#2: To enjoy following through on all the wonderful projects as much as I enjoy thinking of them and planning for them.
How this could work: The intention itself helps. My new Gentle Planning system. The details could be as fun as the thinking.
My commitment: To consciously notice how much I enjoy the actual drawing of the website header image, the choosing of a font, the typing of a blog post, and the practicing of the guitar. To sink into those things.
Good morning all,
I posted my first VPA last week and I just wanted to make a note of what happened:
I wanted to feel less sad and anxious. My commitment was to be in bed early as much as possible and write every morning- I did both of these things and it made so much difference. I was kind to myself as much as I could bear.
I wanted more money- my commitment was to keep my eyes open for new opportunities. I did this and started making new-job-hunting noises online which resulted in 5 calls from recruiters in 3 days. Still not perfect but there is something out there for me, I know it.
I wanted an end to my Play With No End- I got it 🙂 Now I need a beginning and a middle which is as great as the end.
So thank you universe for helping me get what I wanted and needed this week.
This week I want:
1. Not to feel so scared
I’m doing something really scary (for me) in May and going on a 4 day retreat. I got the information pack through this morning and promptly started to freak out. It’s so far out of my comfort zone and I am absolutely panicking. I’m not allowed to bring any food or books or personal items- the things that keep me sane and tethered and I don’t know how I’m going to manage this.
How this could work-
– I could speak to my therapist, who is also attending and I know she will be honest with me about what’s expected
– I can accept and allow myself to be scared. It’s scary! But then I can see that if I’m this scared, perhaps it’s something I really need to do
– I can remind myself that I could just cancel, I don’t have to go. Always good to have a foxy-type escape route 🙂
– I can talk to my amazing gf about this and listen to her voice of reason
My commitment-
I will keep an open mind. I will catch myself saying “always” and “never” and “should” and “impossible” and think about why I am always black or white about things that challenge me.
2. Money!
Still need more moolah. As per last week, my commitment is to keep my options open and look for new opportunities. I will think of creative ways to find work that suits me and allows me to be me.
3. Writing, writing, writing.
I want to have my play fleshed out and at 10,000 words by this time next week.
Ways this could happen-
– I could catch flashes of inspiration
– I could read the How To Be A Playwright books I keep buying!
– I could get up 15 mins earlier each morning to get a little bit more done. And I could not do this if it becomes too much
– I could explore ways I can write at lunchtimes at work without feeling like a sneak
My commitment-
I will get up earlier each day and not complain about it- I love doing this. I will talk my plot holes out with my gf. I will carry on asking for advice from those I admire.
Wow, a long one today! I gwish you all a happy and fulfilling week 🙂
Copies of ‘Oh, The Places You’ll Go!’ might be nice Rally schwag. It’s my favourite Dr Seuss book and my dream graduation, wedding, other-significant-ritual reading/speech, and very (to my mind) Fluent Selfified…
(Especially the reminder to ‘be dexterous and deft’ not ‘mix up your right foot with your left’: it sounds so perfectly like a tongue in cheek ‘yeah right of course!’ reference to Dance of Shiva. As if!
‘And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)’
No VPA yet, just sharing the love of Dr Seuss!
Transcript of “Oh, The Places You’ll Go” right here if you’ve never read it…. <3<3<3
http://www.teamhope.com/seuss.htm
This is my first-ever VPA. Thank you so much for offering the space for me to do this work – I’m really appreciative.
Thing 1:
Would like to have time during the day for my Big Work. It doesn’t feel good to work at night.
Ways this could work:
– I could shift my Little Work schedule so that I have one day or even a half-day off every week
– I could start using comp hours and vacation time to get a regularly scheduled weekly break from Little Work
– I could get up really early one day a week and whale on my Big Work to-dos
– I could categorize the different needs of the Big Work, and make regular times throughout the week to attend to them
– I could leave the space open for a completely unexpected transformation of my schedule and work life
My commitment:
– To set aside Tasks and Chores and all manner of Doing after dinner, and reserve that time for just Being. And possibly reading novels and the like. To keep a regular work-free space in my day, so there’s balance and flow.
Thing 2:
Would like to have a brief regular exercise practice and want to get started.
Ways this could work:
– Could ask for encouragement from my tribe.
– Could get up right now and go do it.
– Could think up some rewards for exercising.
– Could keep it really, really simple.
– Could take one tiny step this week.
– Could ask Wise Self why it ain’t happenin.
My commitment:
– Ask Wise Self why it ain’t happenin. Listen to the answers.
Oh the Rally!
Oh how I wish!
Portland was closer
or I would be a world traveler
or something
one day!! 🙂 in the mean time sending happy wishes for the Rally! (Rally!) and participating on a distance
GWISH TIME 🙂
VPA 1 – progress & blasting through the walls
this work wants to get done all i need to is to keep distractions out of the way.
ways it could work – the days could stay empty. i could hide undercover. i could take an imaginary distance from what’s happening around me even when i am physically present
my commitment – to be patient. not to beat myself up. to sleep and rest sufficiently. to rest the boundaries when its necessary
VPA 2- Escape
I am leaving the country on Friday, leaving for one week back home then 3 weeks of traveling. I need it to be smooth and easy and unworried.
ways it could work – don’t know. running of seems optimal. letting it happen might be the best option here.
my commitment – to take time to pack well. to remember where i am heading for. to do my best not to get caught up in outside demands. to be NICE to me
Last week I wanted to have sovreignity and pockets of calm – and those happened, even though it wasn’t easy. Hard to say this is what I can do and this is what I can’t – but, the world did not implode. Have some more clarity on what I want, and what’s holding me back from getting it. And no table…haven’t even looked.
This week:
VPA 1: I want calm and play and comfort…space to retreat from so many of the things that have been happening recently in my life…time to process them, get persepective and recharge.
How this could happen:
– what are the things that make this possible? How can I have more of them – walks by the sea or in the country, reading, curling up in bed, yoga, dancing around to silly music, photographing, cups of tea, cat cuddles.
– reminders that it is OK to take this time as and when I need it
– reminders that it’s ok to have scary feelings
My commitment:
– be open to the idea that I might know what I need
– I don’t have to be delighted with feeling like I am at the moment
– Permission to be a hermit!
VPA 2: Clarity. I want to make things happen in the hard but seem to get rabbit in the headlights syndrome and want to panic and run away just at the point where I’m actually going to do the thing. Why? How can I change this pattern?
How this could work:
– shiva
– journalling
– monster coloring book
– how have I dealt with this in the past – it’s not like I’ve spent my entire adult life roosting from a beam – is there anything I can learn from that?
My commitment:
– openness
– curiosity
– to try and let myself feel whatever I’m feeling without being all judgy mcjudgypants
Actually, just writing it out has helped – in the past good things that I’ve done have often had fairly painful or difficult transition stages at the start – unpleasant but worth it down the line – however, not a great incentive for me to do new things. How can I make the transition stages more comfortable, more full of easy and safety?
VPA 3 – I’d still quite like that table….perhaps have a look on a couple of websites…just a look, don’t have to buy it. Baby steps.
My VPA:
Thing 1: To make sure my prior throwers-of-shoes remain in the space of ‘behaving themselves’–or at least no longer throwing shoes at me.
Thing 2: To regain my energy, fully, and get past this place of stuck and continual obstacles, once and for all.
Thing 3: To find someplace that will let me have my live-in cats-only boarding facility, where I can blog, take pictures and care for kitties, which are all passions of mine. I’ve wanted to do this for years, and it’s really time to make a push for it to make it happen.
We have some Dr. Seuss books, I will see if I can get a package together and get it out to you, Havi. 🙂
What I want:
To know what I want for my birthday, and to be able to ask for it in a good way. To be able to honestly say “it was a really fun day” when people ask later.
How this can happen:
Doing some Dance of Shiva and then journaling afterward. Letting myself go into that deep space that tells me what I already know. Accepting the answer that comes without judging it.
My commitment:
To meet whatever happens with love. I have almost ten days to prepare (my birthday isn’t until next Thursday).
Seagirl, I’m so glad you liked the Blanket Fort idea!
It has been a wee while since I’ve done a VPA. The last time I tried, my stomach tensed up & I started getting a headache & I wondered: “why is this such a big deal?”
It turned out it wasn’t monsters. It was children. Children who are far too used to having to pay out the nose in some fashion for things supposedly freely given when requested.
& in looking back, I see that as I did my VPAs, things just kept getting harder and harder for me, rather than easier. Wasn’t getting response on my VPA & couldn’t even follow through on all the commitments.
So, this time, a very simple VPA.
What I want – I want to be able to ask for things without feeling as though I will have to repay, in whatever fashion, double.
There’s nothing I can add to a ‘how this could work’ aside from what I’ve already been doing – but my commitment is to start small. Maybe do some EFT on it.
Seagirl: some unsolicited advice? Write down everything, even weesmall things, that you can think of that is a self-nurturance. Do a different one of them every single day.
Loads of love-sends to everyone.
A very new experience – the Very Personal Ad. Thanks for inventing these and inviting others to write them.
What I want: A focused and energetic painting practice that starts in the morning so I can do other things later in the day when my art energy starts to go, not the other way around.
What I want part 2: Sleep at night, wake in the morning rested, so I can get out of bed earlier and more easily and do the thing I want more than anything else to do.
Ways this could work:
– I could ask my gentleman friend to phone me when he gets up, which is always early. I rarely go back to sleep after we’ve talked.
– I could stop working earlier in the evening so I’m ready to sleep when the time comes.
– I could recognize that there are really few of those apparent responsibilities/necessities that are so important they should come between me and the thing I want more than anything else to do.
– I could set two clocks.
My commitment:
– To notice that phrase “the thing I want more than anything else to do.”
– To model myself on that wise and gentle person Ren, who said: “To be gentle! No self-bludgeoning. To be open to the ways my mind and body would like to function. To take as much time with this as I need, despite the feelings of “rush, rush, rush”.”
– To check in with myself and find out if this feels more possible, and if it doesn’t, to find out what else needs to change.
– To check back here for more wisdom.
Thank you!
Last time I asked for courage and certainty to get brave enough to do a Thing. I got it. And did it, and now I have more sticky… things to do with The Thing.
What I want: The certainty that The Thing is what I want
How this could happen: I could listen to the lovely people who have all said that it is entirely in my best interests and stop being scared off by the prospect of a sticky I want this you want something else because it looks better to you but you don’t know what it looks like this side of the fence situation. The nice people are nice and the other person is just in charge: this does not equate to knowing what is good for me, or, um, the people The Thing will effect. I should be more sure in this. I should stop thinking and using the bloody word should. *ahem*
What I’ve just realised I actually want: To stop feeling “should”. What about want? What about need? What about could?!
How this could happen: I don’t know. I spend a lot of time with Should. Perhaps writing this will help. Perhaps the cats will tell me and I’ll listen. Perhaps things will fall into pace and should will become irrelevant.
My commitment: to think about this whole “should” business. What’s going on here?
Second thing I would like: Energy to feel ok about either pushing through and fighting for The Thing, or living without The Thing and being ok with that. The courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept those I can’t and the wisdom to know the difference.
How this could happen and my commitment rolled into one: to talk to the person that The Thing affects that I haven’t and see what she thinks about it. That will probably be a better guide of which way to go – and then to deal with the emotions as they come after that. I think they will need looking at and I am a bit frightened of them. To note which things I feel and why and talk to my other half about it. To not hide the sticky mess inside. To find someone to fight with me, if I choose to fight. I may find this gives me more energy to do either of these things. The sun may come out and fix some of the tiredness. Someone else might suddenly make some of the little things go away so I have energy for the big ones.
I am not sure that this is at all clear but hopefully the VPA gods/goddesses will see what I mean.
@seagirl – Measure twice, cut once. It’s easier to know what you want when you’ve worked out what you don’t want. It’s always worth buying slightly more expensive coffee, it tastes so much better. There is an Anais Nin quote that has always helped me in times of uncertainty, so I will share it with you – “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”. Hope you enjoy your blanket fort, and I quite agree with jillian – more napping.
Thank goodness for Very Personal Ads!
1) What I want: Surfing legs
Mom’s birthday is this week, and since Mom is not alive anymore, her birthday is not the happy occasion it once was. I want Surfing Legs so I can ride waves of grief and anxiety without falling off or going under. I want to experience the grief I feel and take care of myself in that grief, giving myself the permissions I need to do that. But I also want that taking care to be genuinely nurturing, and not simple avoidance or indulgence (in junk food, say), which can feel like grief and self-care, but which make me feel worse. And part of staying “up” on the Surfboard also means that I’d like to remain productive for this week–since I’ve got a lot to do–even if productivity is lessened by the grief and self care.
Ways this could work:
-I can set small goals for myself and celebrate those accomplishments
-I can bake cupcakes in honor of Mom’s birthday and share them with friends, which will help me communicate what I’m going through to my support network and also honor Mom.
-I can call my sister to talk about our mom and our grief and self care.
My commitment:
To try out the strategies above
To remain flexible and patient with myself
Tiptoeing tenderly back into VPA territory. I think I know why it’s felt so difficult to compose these in recent weeks, and I’m giving myself permission to set the whys and wherefores aside for now, and just gwish!
What I want: To write and sing my own songs.
How this can happen: I can re-visit my collection of songs-in-progress, and see which ones may want to come out and play. I can spend some of my daily vocalizing time just playing with lyrical and melodic ideas, no pressure, just exploring. I can sneak into my studio for passionate trysts with my piano and guitar. And, of course, I can Shiva dance on it. (I just got an odd image in my head of Bing Crosby smiling at me and saying, in velvety tones, “Hello, and welcome to your moment of Bing.” Okay, that was probably only funny to me. Moving on…)
My commitment: I will love and protect this tiny, sweet, baby gwish. I will practice saying, “I am a singer-songwriter.” (Hey, I think I just did! Gosh, that was easy. Um. Sort of. *blushing*)
@Kathleen! Specific hugs to your singer-songwriter from my singer-songwriter! {{{{}}}}