Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
I’m having a little trouble getting clear on what I want right now because this crazy heat is cooking my brain.
Let’s see.
Thing 1: Sweet delicious focus please.
Here’s what I want:
There is so much work to get Stompopolis ready to open to the public! And it all needs to happen this week!
I need energy, focus, attention span and the superpower of Grounded Enthusiasm.
Ways this might work:
Well, I do have some focus in a spray bottle. We sell it in the Toy Shop at Stompopolis. A little goes a long way.
And! I can write about Grounded Enthusiasm.
Bed. Baths. Dancing. Shiva Nata. Doing some stone skippings. Talking to Incoming Me and getting advice.
Squeezing all the buttmonster butts!
I’m playing with…
Finding out what I’m afraid of.
Thing 2: The practice of: Let’s take more photos. Yes? Maybe?
Here’s what I want:
This past week I have been deep into the practice of changing my relationship with photographs of me.
Specifically: what is it like to not be paralyzed, phobic, insecure, unsure, ambivalent about being [whatever it is that I am perceiving in the moment] in this particular way.
This week I took pictures of myself. I let pictures be taken of me. I experimented. This is all new.
And now I’m taking this deeper, and encountering a lot of stuff.
So. As always: safety first! But I want to play some more.
Ways this might work:
Doing shiva nata on this. Specifically with some of the words involved. Like [+vision] and [+beauty] and [+vulnerability] and [+presence].
What else? Talk to Taylor?
I’m playing with…
Maybe I’ll do an OOD and learn more about where the resistance it.
And maybe I’ll rename it or come up with a proxy.
Thing 3: Disrupting an old pattern.
Here’s what I want:
I mapped this one out a few days ago, it’s an old, old script of “oh no I’ve ruined it!” Sometimes known as “everything is wrong!”.
It starts when I get disconnected. Then X happens (X can be anything). Then the primary pattern gets triggered.
Things that happen when it gets triggered: I get EVEN MORE disconnected. Right arm hurts. Panic. Tightness in chest that moves up to throat (hi, fourth and fifth chakras of love and communication, gee I wonder how you could be involved in this, ahahahaaaaa).
Then I go into what-iffery. Scenarios and stories. This is the end. This is the beginning of the end! Monster brigade then kicks into high gear with all the stories about those times when this instinct turned out to be correct.
So I did the pattern-mapping, and that was helpful. I marked all the possible interruption and disruption points.
I asked the right questions, specifically: What prevents and solves this?
Answer: ringing the bells.
And, since it gets triggered by disconnect, how do I make sure that I’m not putting myself into situations that lead to disconnect?
Ways this might work:
Investigate!
Bring in some negotiatiors.
Commit to giving Havi Bell enough sleep in addition to her wine. It’s not really wine. Metaphor!
I’m playing with…
Lovingly poking at this, in ways that appeal to me. Not having to solve it or resolve it. Just noticing and taking notes. Meeting it with patience. This is another part of Havi, and it makes sense and there is nothing wrong with Havi for having triggers and winding up in her stuff.
It’s from then. It’s old pain. It’s on its way out. And she has the tools. She can do this.
Thing 4: ZOOM!
Here’s what I want:
The superpower of mad getting stuff done.
Like at Rally (Rally!).
This is the week. Let’s do it.
Ways this might work:
I can use the Floop! I can use the magical crazy Chicken Board at the Floop!
I can rendezvous with Lady Chuck!
The thing I’m trying on Monday can do a magic!
It can all just work!
I’m playing with…
Wanting what I want.
Knowing what that is.
Trying things!
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Oho! Last week was Romping and Collisions. And that totally happened.
I wanted to say yes to the opening, and YES. That happened too. Well, part of it is still on hold but so much progress.
Then I wanted to investigate useful things about stones, and that is what I did at Beach Day! Plus I put some here when I wrote about the beach.
I also wanted to exit July, and we did that too. Here.
Then I wanted bells for Havi Bell. And that was a big deal. Lots of miraculous things happened there, including my most secret hope-filled wish.
And then I wanted this past week to be FUELED ON PLAY. And it was! This is amazing. I am in awe. In fact, this past week was more full of play and playing than I have ever experienced, I think. Huh.
I need to keep asking for things. Clearly. Okay!
Playful playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
Here or on your own or in your head. It’s all fine. Or call silent retreat!
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
If you’re looking for suggestions or heart-sighs or anything else related to your wish, you will need to ask for that because our default mode is giving each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We make space for people’s wishes.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
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Yay, visioning! 🙂 (Yay!)
Last week, I wanted the superpower of Whoosh. I also wanted to find a jungle guide.
I didn’t get either, per se… but I did get insight. (So instead got the Superpower of Click, which is related to Whoosh. Sort of a precursor of Whoosh, actually.)
So my “click” was: I cannot Whoosh through when I simply have overbooked myself. I can do some amazing things in a short amount of time, some of the time, but when I consistently overbook and then assume that Whoosh is just going to show up and save my butt… yeah, NO. Whoosh made it clear that wasn’t gonna happen.
I also got the “click” that I cannot organize ten pounds of stuff into a three pound container. Which stands for both physical, mental and emotional things. I either 1) need more space (internal! external!) or 2) I need less stuff (clearing! decluttering!) So that started to happen. Felt like a “duh, epiphany!”
Which brings me to this week’s epiphany:
1) I would like more breathing room.
Ways this might work: I need to stop overbooking and create more space. I need self-care to create more internal space. I am not getting more physical space, because that isn’t helping. I am going to clean and clear and lovingly let go of things so I have more physical space in the container I currently have.
I’ll play with: doing Shiva Nata on space. Also, take small steps. And ask my lovely assistant (need a metaphor!) to nudge some of my editing work, let them know there’s a delay.
That’s probably plenty to work with. I would ask for more visions, but… well, it would crowd. yes, I am learning. 🙂
Visioning, visioning, over the stormy seas…
Visions of Possibility and Anticipation. Possibility! Anticipation! Versions of Porcupines and Aardvarks!
Thing One: Blanket Fort
I have been working so hard to set up the systems that will allow me to brunch the Blanket Fort at long last. There is still so much to do!
So I’m wanting progress and support and the right structure and at least one more extremely useful clew. Possibly several.
Ways this could work: People could get back to me about my e-mail! I could uninstall the current thing and install the other thing and it could be brilliant. I could get technical help. The words could just be there.
I’ll play with: More Shiva Nata, because that was the most helpful of the helpfuls last week. Challenging my patterns of what is possible.
Thing two: Space for the sad
I feel like I’m just a fountain of sad these days. I’m letting go of a lot of old things so there is space for the next version of me. And it’s sad. And sweet. And sad.
And I want space and support and continuing sweetness for this sad. And permission for the process of letting go, and how hard it is, and how wonderful it is.
Ways this could work: I could find the sad behind the frustration and let that go too. I could ring bells. I could take it to the trees.
I’ll play with: More Shiva Nata. Stompopolis. Floop. The backyard. Ringing all the bells!
Last Week
I asked for centered holding, and that fell apart a lot, but it was also there at many unexpected and delightful times in many unexpected and delightful ways. Yay!
I wanted the Purple House, but also to be secure in my wanting of the Purple House. And the seller has accepted our offer, so yay! We’re waiting to hear back from the bank. Also, I clarified a huge thing, and feel very secure in my wanting. Yay!
I wanted my mother-in-law’s visit to go well and it did and it didn’t. But it recovered after its dips, and in the end I found out there was a part I cared about the most and that part went well. Plus data for “when people visit” for the book of me.
Finally I wanted to know what the heck to do about the August trip and the August trip is not happening! A few parts of me are upset but overall lots of relief here.
Review of last week:
I conquered the scale’s power over me, and it went down! So, yay.
I also wanted more effort. Then I took 4 days off. Then I tried today, but didn’t try too much on account of the humidity and heat.
RE:Gentleman friends. One seemed really good online, but a meeting showed not quite right. Not right at all. Luckily I was able to make a quick escape and all was well.
RE: Integrity and holding my seat. This went well. It meant seeing the people who aren’t in their seats, but it was good.
So this week:
Praying to the Patron Saint of Crazysexylove (Bruce Springsteen. You know he is.) that my photos and words (and real life self and words) stream out into the Universe to attract the right one for me. And that I hear the quiet whisper of maybe instead of the shout of “no.”
Just that one. Because really.
Visioning:
What if I spent this week play-dating?
What if I played all week with the iguanas and aardvarks and porcupines? What if they were pets instead of scary invaders? If wild, could I tame them? How would I do it?
Approach gently, with food. Sit quietly. Move slowly. Don’t make eye contact; it’s threatening.
Touch carefully and back off. Touch carefully and back off and watch. Offer food. Touch, stroke, stop…
My neighbor does that with feral kittens; she finds homes for them after she has tamed them.
I can use her approach for these — creatures — in my life.
What if they are not iguanas and aardvarks and porcupines? What if they are feral kittens?
What if they are not feral at all? What if they are just neglected little creatures that want some love and attention?
I could play all week with them!
Yes, that is what I want. Play dates with the kittens who want love and attention!
Oh i love that, vicki!
Last Time
I had such big visions. Collaborating more; souvereignty in work and time and ease.
I really needed those. Everything changed and was hard hard hard. In a way, I got more souvereignty; but the price was uncertainty and someone throwing a whole bunch of shoes.
Auch.
Into the pot
Too tired and discouraged for smart wishing so I throwing things into the pot:
wishes to
– watch glee and feel happy!
– feel happy, and full of ease
– let the shoes be the the shoes and step out of the hurt
– dance dance dance
– safety and warmth and being wrapped in happy
– protection spells
– help. i could really use some help right about now. i don’t want to go back to a dark place of no help and all the questions. (where are the resources?)
– lots of writing.
– an amazing soundtrack; this seems important
– writing my heart out
– writing in blog form, too; this seems important
– messages in bottles (everywhere)
– souvereignty and more souvereignty… and being wrapped in safety
yes that, all of that.
Thing 1: Unfettering
Here’s what I want:
I feel like I am tethered to a lot of things that are holding me down. I want to release these tethers and be free to fly away.
Ways this might work:
Noticing what I don’t need anymore and what is not mine and letting those things go.
I’ll play with:
Intention.Jane’s Radiant Reconnection meditation. Coloring with crayons. Taking a shower. Yin yoga. Shiva Nata. Blowing bubbles.
Thing 2:
Committing to the thing
Here’s what I want
There is a thing I really want, and I want to commit to making it happen – instead of just hoping that it will happen while also trying to make backup plans in case it doesn’t happen.
Ways this might work:
What would I do if this thing I want was actually going to happen? Do that.
I’ll play with:
Making a treasure map. Giving love & attention to the iguanas. Going through the door.
@VickiB – brilliant, what if the aardvarks and iguanas are scared kittens? Of course, just like The Owl Service and they were flowers all along? Never mind, I know what I mean! LOL
I want spaciousness and expansion. I want my little tight bud of an idea to open like a paper flower in water.
Ways this might work
I need to provide water for the flower to open. Who knows what this actually means? It is what slightly future me says. I thought I needed to give it space but she says water. I need to wonder about this.
I’ll play with:
Pens and paper, drawing my way through this. Singing as I go. Asking Flo to write me through it.
Vision # 1
Like Kate, I want to really commit to my thing. I want to fully take all my free time and my stuff, and pour it into my thing with an ocean of commitment to make it happen. This includes making space for it to happen, and umm… other things. Space and time?
Ways that this vision could become reality?
I stop second guessing myself. I arrange playdates with me and my thing. I make time, not just find it. I could just revel in the process of what this vision could be, and then, uncover it slowly. Like a sculptor chipping away at the rock to find the statue that was trapped within all along.
My Commitment
To not hold back and not judge myself. Let the words flow and go with it.
Vision # 2 Lying back on the grass, imagining different imaginings. Watching the clouds. Relaxing and recharging. Alternate vision, swimming in the ocean, laying back on the beach. Watching the tide go in and out. … I don’t know why I want this. But I need it.
Leaving some warm wishes for you Havi and me, too, on avoiding situations that lead to disconnect.
This is super big for me. I’ve gotten so much faster at getting reconnected. But everything is better if I don’t get disconnected in the first place.
I know lots of things that help, and I actively do many of them every day. But there’s always more to discover.
Today I had to tell the truth: It’s really best not to go into the thrift store. I’m sad to admit it, because thrifting was such a part of my life for so long (Finder! One of my best superpowers is Finder!) but the fact is thrift stores are Kryptonite to me.
Off to reconnect, now. Have a brilliant week, all!
What I want: To put on the porch light for when Self-Employed Me arrives next Monday.
Ways this could work:
-I could continue to keep the physical space tidy.
-It could be okay for things to not be set up (or perhaps I could find out if this is or is not the case).
-Conscious winding down at the day job.
-Post Its (or virtual Post Its) might be useful in some way.
-I have an inkling that school supply shopping could help.
I’ll play with:
-Curiousity, definitely.
-Continuing to celebrate.
-The many resources I have all around, every single place I look!
Update on last week: There was definitely lots of conscious interactions with my patterns and rituals last week. I’m keeping that up this week, for sure, and adding on receptivity to the challenges.
Also, I did the business thing I was worried and confused about! It went very well, and also allowed other things to get un-knotted.
Sparkles to everybody’s VPAs!
Here’s what I want: Better money patterns. I am so tired of constantly stretching to make ends meet. So tired of feeling blamed, and of blaming. I want to be able to make whatever shifts are needed so that there is enough money, so that there is abundance, dammit.
Ways this could work: Um. Um? I do have some tools to try, and I can seek out more. I can give myself credit for the things I’m doing right; I really want to do that. The big thing that’s needed, I suspect, is clarity, but clarity around money is terrifying. Still, yes, clarity — and also sovereignty. I’m sure that’s going to help — putting on my crown, standing in my force field, and not letting myself or anyone else be a scapegoat here.
I’m playing with: Faith. Remembering that here be monsters. Giving the monsters love, which means compassion and boundaries. Yes. And then even more faith.
My last formal Vision was Sustainable Work and Hoem Routines, and despite falling down on my commitments at times, there was some progress here. Support has been forthcoming at times (not always). I’ve opted more often for “stap and rest” than “push thru”. ANd i am finding ways of making the kids allies (altho the 5 yar old just seems to generate chaotic, things will become dirty or break within a foot of her whther she touches thme or not).
So I’ll continue with this.
I’m using the Art of Embarking for a project I call Operation Natasha, which is all about I’m sick of looking shabby and I want my hotness to be evident evrywhere. Journaling it out showed me all kinds of things that are important for success. But what amazed me is, once i started journaling intennsely on this, there was movement in the most stuck of the stuck parts of this thing. I think next week I will be able to do a VPA on this, still kinda forming itself.
I also used some of the Capers to inspire my kids with setting up their rooms (“home study centers” they call them at school) for success next year. Suddenly, the DOOOOOOOM of clean your room, became fun, funny and co-operative (with the 5 year old suddenly WANTING to help her sister).
There was more writing and more yoga and more Shiva Nata, all of which I wanted and all of which I committed to making time for. And lo, once i did more writing, more yoga and more Flailing, I wanted to do even more writng, yoga and Flailing.
Re Thing 2: I specifically want to:
* say YAY to this,
* join you in the process (working on my own stuff here, too), and
* offer a piece of the puzzle, which we may or may not do (as we see fit, and as the mood strikes): we can take pictures of US! Playing! I will come ‘home’ to Portal-land on Wednesday night. And we will PLAY PLAY PLAY.
Re All The Things:
* Warm wishes for all the wishes.
A day late, but our week is starting late out here.
Review: Last week I asked for structure and mapping, which happened until house guests descended and I went off on a magical adventure. I also asked for space for writing and it happened!
Thing 1: There is a brand new bundle of fluff and energy in our house (hoorah!), one that is throwing every routine I thought I had out the window. Combine this with the possibility of a new job and I need to rethink the structure and flow of my day that includes other people’s needs as well as my own.
I’ll play with: Using the office space, taking walks, playtime! Perfectly simply solutions.
Thing Two: This was the weekend where everything happened at once. Brilliant, wonderful, exciting things but so many things. I’m asking for some recovery and resting time.
Ways this could work: Spontaneous naps, the on-off switch, remembering that not everything has to happen at once.
Thing Three: I experienced a major shift in working with my stuff on Sunday. I’m asking for a way to make those changes continue and trickle down into every day.
I’ll play with: More walking; meditating on the word “bowl,” filling the spaces and deep breaths.
I can’t find my previous VPA, which might have actually been a chicken. So, start where I am.
What I want: Booty. Money coming in, in ways that don’t require full time work or lots of time outside the house. (Although I’ll take those if they appear.)
How this could work: Well, I replied to the request for people to man the booth at a knitting convention, for which I’ll be paid. More small things like that, more editing work, more writing.
It would help a lot if there were less stress. This appears to be on the horizon.
I’ll play with: Writing down ideas, instead of starting to draft them in my head and then forgetting about them when a crisis swarms.
Playing with ideas and mindfulness so I see the opportunities, instead of missing them because I think they’re not what they are.
Also, asking. I am not good at this. Practicing the asking.
I commit to: Reminding myself that now is not then, I have resources, and most of all keeping my mind in a state where my perspective will help me instead of going off into squirrel brain and/or scarcity mentality.
I would like the superpower of Email Is No Problem.
Also the superpower of Creative Solutions, and Happy Follow-through.
Havi Havi Havi I am so grateful that you share all the triumphs and trials that you deal with. I get turned into a nervous ball of twitchy child-scared-of-thunder scared when I try to get unstuck.
This week is already two days in and I feel like I need to pop out of my lurker mousehole and just wish wish wish for the things I need.
Things I need and lovingly wish for: Bravery and space.
Deeper? Bravery to show my work to more people, and start making more connections. Space mental and physical to create. Space to allow whatever art is bubbling up to manifest, everything is blocked because of all this fear of really putting myself out there. Right now I need my Superpower to be Meaningful Connections, whether they are fearless or not.
How I can make it happen: I can start sharing and connecting in safe and loving places (here, for example) I can share why I am scared (I don’t know what I am doing and I don’t want to do it wrong) and accept the discomfort instead of trying to bury or ignore it. I can take the small steps to make the space for the future small steps and bigger steps.
Any suggestions on spacemaking and fear-monster sitting would be lovely and lovingly appreciated.
Update: phone plan successfully downgraded (weird glitches notwithstanding). Backburnered the wrangly stuff.
A Thing: Feeling pinched for time, specifically to clear decks before my next trip. Want de-pinchifier.
Unpacking the Thing: I want…
…to meet my big deadline
…while getting enough sleep
…and preparing adequately for the trip.
WTCW:
* seclusion
* roleplay
* the Can Wait Until After the Trip list
* keeping meals really simple…
* which would also simplify washing up…
I’ll play with
* not complaining about feeling pinched
** what is my (and SFM’s) story after we have escaped the vise-grip of our must-dos?
Wishing everyone smooth sailing for the rest of y’all’s weeks.
Visions and gwishes for the week:
Easy preparation for a presentation. This makes me awkward and uncomfortable. So first thing may be noodling as to why, what to do about it, and who should be at the front of the V.
Learning to let go a little about the secret project. Parts of me are completely convinced that if I don’t make this work, and make it work soon, that the long term plans will all be doomed to failure. DOOOOOOOM. Seems like time for a nice long monster chat.
And that’s likely enough, all in all.
Much love and sparkles to all!