Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Delight-filled passaging.
Here’s what I want:
I’m about to leave for two weeks at the VICARAGE, two entire weeks without phone or internet or anything to do.
This will be the first time since starting the business that I’m taking real time for myself. No agenda and no plan. And — here’s the thing — as an intentional practice instead of the way I used to end up with time “off”: usually because I’m falling apart or this close to a massive breakdown. Me and time, we’re going to hang out.
Except… well, I’m pretty sure that the second I land in the VICARAGE all will be lovely. It’s the part about getting to the Vicarage that I’m a little worried about.
So this is partly an ask about conscious entry and passage. And partly about releasing the worry or learning more about it so I can talk to it.
I want for the entire passage there to feel sparkly and intentional: I am here, I am ready, I am committed to this, I am finding clews and things to delight in.
The qualities inside of the want:
The eight qualities of V.I.C.A.R.A.G.E., of course: Vitality, Internal, Compass, Alignment, Resetting, Accessing, Glow, Energized.
I’m also going to add to this: Spaciousness. Sovereignty. Presence. Delight. Crossing. Transition. Wonder. Surrender. Trust. Welcoming.
And the superpower of Remembering That Nothing Is Wrong.
Ways this might work:
Well, setting it up for Incoming Me.
Having plenty of snacks. Calling on Barrington to help. Bringing a buttmonster to keep me company. Possibly wearing the rainbow boa (constrictor!). Having the strongest possible force field. Planting wishes.
I’m playing with…
Learning more about what I want (or: what I think I want), and what that might look like.
Thing 2: To learn even more about Silent Retreat.
Here’s what I want:
This is sort of a proxy and also not at all a proxy.
Since I am going to be on silent retreat for the two weeks of VICARAGE (and I am also silent retreating about what/where that is, I might as well learn more about what it is and why it works.
The qualities inside of the want:
Curiosity. Exploration. Presence. Play. Safety. Protection. Sanctuary. Shelter. Spaciousness.
And the superpower of always having the right buffer phrase!
Ways this might work:
Come up with a list of buffer phrases and secret agent code.
The Silent Retreat shirt.
I’m playing with…
(silent retreat!)
Thing 3: Pleasure.
Here’s what I want:
One of the things I’m going to be paying attention to at the Vicarage is pleasure.
How it feels to get quiet enough to follow those silver threads of instinctive pull.
The qualities inside of the want:
Attentiveness. Mindfulness. Alertness. Play. Curiosity. Sensitivity. Sensuality. Texture. Touch. Light. Dance. Movement. Swaying. Rhythm. Breeze. Breath. Flow. Wonder. Receptivity. Anticipation. Stillness. Presence. Solitude. Silence. Immersion. Truth.
Ways this might work:
Conducting. Old Turkish lady yoga. Writing. Compassing and encompassing. Walking. Being close to the water. Even closer than that.
That is the part about doing.
There is also a part about the not-doing. Not just the no-phone and no-internet. But choosing more NO. Creating even more space. This will be like my chrysalis in Astoria. I’m not there to see the sights, read novels or watch television.
I’m there to find out what I want. And to meet Incoming Me, the version of me who knows about things like vitality and trust and secret flowers.
I’m playing with…
Trusting that my understanding of this word (whispers: pleasure!) can change, as can our complicated relationship.
Putting it here, which feels brave and a little terrifying.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
The part about sanctuary and shelter. That seems really big. It’s almost like having a canopy of peace, isn’t it. Interesting. I also liked this piece about solitude and immersion. I can’t wait to find out where that will lead.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- The invisible companion.
- A special force field that repels small talk.
- Courage!
- Radiance.
- The most easy and efficient packing experience ever.
- All doors open for me. Especially automatic ones.
- All roads lead to the Vicarage.
- I am here now. I want to be here now.
- Bell Time Visions.
I’m playing with…
Love for past-me who set this up. Love for the me who is coming in. Love for the me at the front of the V right now.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted a strong container for these nine days before taking off for the Vicarage. And while I’m still in it, I can say that yes, this has been hugely helpful. Especially the part about “with love”.
Next I wanted nine forms, with play. It really helped. This is the first time I’ve *ever* set so much stuff up in advance before traveling, and it’s kind of blowing my mind. Yay Floop for all the help.
Then I wanted nine pages, with laughter. And there has definitely been laughter.
A good week, all in all.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
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Happy Sunday!
Thing 1: A New Accountant
My old accountant is no longer right for me, but I have a whole bunch of questions I need answers to.
Here’s what I want: A CPA who works primarily online and who is super-knowledgeable about small businesses AND remote employment and how they affect taxes. I want someone who is sovereign and compassionate and nonjudgmental and who believes their job is to help me live out my mission in good ways. It would also be nice if they charged around what my last CPA did or less.
Qualities inside the want: Safety, curiosity, play, trust, preparation, pleasure, connection, purpose.
Ways this could work: Someone reading this could recognize themselves and contact me or leave a note in the comments. I could post this to the Floop and the Floop / KT FB groups. I could email friends of mine who might know people. I might run across them in some magical serendipitous way.
What I’m playing with: Just-right-ness. Giving myself support instead of making do. The superpower of Nothing Is Wrong.
Thing 2: More Energy!
The last few weeks have been marked by some significant fatigue.
What I want: Enough energy to do the things I want to do and enough resting to make doing things sustainable. I want to find a way to balance doing and resting (incoming and outgoing) in a way that feels nourishing.
Qualities inside the want: Nourishment. Flow. Movement. Balance. Purpose.
Ways this could happen: I can experiment with conducting, with rest, with various forms of rest. I can find ways to document without getting rigid. I can keep working on the sinus stuff. I can try getting more sunshine. I can track standing / walking time and try to gently increase it.
What I’m playing with: Conscious experimentation. Curiosity. Gently disengaging the You’re Never Going to Get Better monsters.
Hmmm. How to frame this? I think I’ll call it
The Suddenly Possible Dream
Here’s what I want: There is something I have daydreamed about for a few years now, but not in a very serious way. More in a “maybe someday” or “if things were different” sort of way. Now, though, there is a new circumstance that makes this dream suddenly appear possible! Not definite, not even particularly probable, but palpably possible. What I want is to allow myself to play with this dream in a new and deeper way, fueled by the knowledge that it could really happen, that it is more possible in my actual, present life than I had ever before imagined.
Qualities inside the want: Possibility! Creativity. Vision. Biggification. Newness.
Ways this could work: I can do a lot of research, a lot of asking myself “what about this? and this? and this?” and looking for answers to those questions. I can make space for the versions of me who don’t want this thing, and listen to what they have to say. I can get to know the versions of me who do want this, have tea with them, let them share their ideas.
I’m playing with: mysteries. Oh, and love. Always love.
What I want:
This want is more of a feeling than a specific thing. It’s a list of qualities, a way of living, something I want more of daily.
Qualities inside the want:
Intention. Being intentional. Curiosity. Creativity. Listening. Receptivity. Support. Alignment. Attunement. Experimentation. Purpose. Spirituality.
Ways this might work:
I feel like simply asking it and remembering it will go a long way.
I’m playing with:
Inventing a metaphor, drawing a picture, and immersing myself in this world.
What I want:
There’s something that really angers me, and for the last year I’ve been struggling with venting the anger and then trying to find compassion/optimism/sovereignty and then getting angry again. It’s a rant that loops through my head regularly. I want to get out of the rut, stop the loop, ground in compassion and sovereignty and all those good qualities.
Qualities inside the want:
Compassion. Sovereignty. Peace. Finding the good.
I’m playing with:
Creative journaling to sort out where the anger comes from and what it means, etc.
I’m playing with:
What I want: stretching. Of my body. Of time. Of money. Of options.
Qualities: Cushioning. Safety. Trust. Comfort. Completion.
Ways…
* tennis balls
* stickers
* bins
* using the “too good to use right now” stuff anyway
* recognizing when/where I’m being herded by old shoes
Playing with: notes to myself on old postcards. Asking Future Me what to keep. Revisiting old messages/notes to show the monsters that Now is in fact different than Then.
Bonus wishes:
* produce sale
* a foundation or bb cream or the like that suits both my skin and my budget
* kigo mojo
Sending warm wishes and yays to all y’all.
Thing One: (silent retreat)
Qualities: courage, strength, fire, humility, infinity, possibility, unconditional love, phoenix-nature, costume, discernment, form.
I’ll play with: connecting to my strength and courage, seeing and releasing the conditions I hold for love, trust.
Thing two: grounded, mindful speed.
Like a speed-skater.
Qualities: agility, presence, confidence, unflappability, by which I mean inviolability.
I’ll play with: head-yoga. Body yoga! Shavasana and connecting, connecting, connecting. All the seeds are inside me. Nourish them. Attend to them. Hang the washing even though the clouds gather. I am not ruled by clouds. I respect them, I listen to them, but I am not ruled by them. Agency. Sourcery.
*fairy dust*, but a really …substantial… sort of fairy dust, fairy dust that is deeply charged and powerfully effective, fairy dust from one of the ancient, more serious, blood and fire and life-force fairies, fairy dust of Deep and Courageous Yes. If you would like some for your own wishes, please feel free to sprinkle a little around them, and to daub yourself with it too, ancient adornment to create the external form of the person who has granted themselves these wishes.
This was the vision I had today.
I’ve been holding up the line. I haven’t moved up and taken the spot that is waiting for me, so all the people in line behind me are still waiting, and then can’t move until I do. It’s my turn. I’m not helping them by standing there and saying “well, you are back there so I can’t move up because then I’ll feel bad for you.” No, they are saying “Hey, dummy, move up the line! Then we can each take a step forward.”
So that’s what I’m doing – stepping forward in line. Moving up. Taking my place. And opening up space for more people to move up.
And that’s what I want. For there to be ground when I step forward and say “I’m ready.” For there to be people saying
“Welcome, we’ve been waiting, come on in.”
@seagirl Amen. MAY IT BE SO.
Visions! Yes! I has some! Possibility –Yes! Anticipation! Yes! Anticipating, looking forward to, excited about! Yes!
Thing 1: Climbing out
I’ve been in a metaphorical hole, a deep dark place, since I got home from recent travels. I recognized the situation just today, and I feel ready to do something about it.
What Might Help:
Vica Pota power!
The EEP, which is one of my favorite things anyway.
Also, M&Ms, ditto.
Spending less time in the River.
Pictures in the park.
I’m Playing With:
Dancing.
Singing.
Coffee and balloons (from OMG!)
Remembering that Night Begins in the Morning.
Talking to My Selves
Thing 2: Digging in
On Monday, the classes I teach at the community college begin. I also need to get more into other things, the Tuesday Talks, and the Wednesday-at-the-church classes, and coffee dates with Them.
What Might Help:
Conscious Entry
Being fully present.
Preparation and planning
Remembering that Morning Begins at Night.
Reviewing the day’s plans in the morning, and doing a nightly Revue.
I’m Playing With:
Lists
Talking to My Selves
Thing 3: Setting Things Up
I want to Set Things Up for Me that is Climbing Out, and Me that is Digging In, and Me of Tomorrow and the Next Day and the Next….
I want to Set Things Up for EEP.
I want to Set Things Up for Vica Pota.
What Might Help:
Thinking ahead.
Talking to Future Me about what would help.
GOYA (or GOMA)
Lists
Previewing
I’m Playing With:
Writing
Talking
Pomodoros
Writing VPAs for the VPAs
Bonus Wishes:
(Mostly planting seeds for the future)
Upstairs
Butler Power!
Project Download
Project Descargar
Project Yay!
Making book
Project Bed
Project Clean Sweep
Project Jewel
Project Feliz de Vivir / Casahogar
May it be so! (I like this phrase a lot.)
I’m paws-ing for a bit while waiting for the things I want to come out into the open – I think they’re silent retreating and can’t be rushed.
In the meantime, some qualities I’d like this week are:
+ease +sovereignty +curiosity +more ease +play
And a couple of magical talents, too, as I prepare for 9-5×5:
The ability to enter and exit workstate with ease
The ability to conserve energy
(yes, I realize that 9-5×5 is -16. Oooh, hey, that’s -(4^2)! neat!)
What visions would I like for this week?
Thing 1 – feedback. I’m putting new stuff together, and having odd monster attacks. I’d love to get it to a point where I’m less uncomfortable about it, and share it with a few people who bridge that magical point of honest feedback, and knowledge on the subject, and also are supportive. So, sub thing 1…. Make a list of those people!
Thing 2 – I’d love progress on the blocked thing of doom. The plan at the moment is to make baby steps. Miniature baby steps. If I just gather the pieces together, and plan what the next step is, then it’s moving (albeit slowly) and its not the blocked thing of doom anymore, right?
Thing 3 – Smoothing out medical stuff. There’s lots of medical stuff – and I’ve been ignoring it, because, well, medical stuff. One thing a month seems too long, but one thing a week seems overwhelming. I’d like to figure an easy way to deal with this.
Thing 4 – More help on a secret Op. I just need to ask for help in a different place.
Thing 5 – Progress on an important paper. Which is an important paper that I can’t do myself. So this holds a lot of other gwishings, about time, and communication, and schedule matching, and patience.
last week I asked for better containment for PuppyTime and that totally happened. it supported and was support by Exiting the Day, which has become a more fun part of Best practices
VPA: TreeHouse time – I need to be in the Treehouse more, specifically ebcause I just got a raft of new MapMaking skills and i need to practcie them to keep them sharp.
WIW: More concentrated, set aside time to be present with myself.
WTCW: I could re-readthe Book of Time. I could set aside smaller containers for Treehousing, not just big old chunks of it. I culd add pages to the Ships’ Rutter and make a ritual of looing at them when i go Treehousing.
ICT: Playing, noticing, making this a goal with Bosun Kelly.
Gwishes:
Mostly that I stop feeling like I’m being punched in the back of my face all day/ I get better from this illness
That the transition is smooth to normalcy after that
A positive, integrated vision and not so much this new flavor of old doom I have got swirling around
Easy finish moving
Easy finish unpacking
Easy finish returns
Clarity and gentleness on routine
Peace. Ease. Lightness. Good luck. Love. Happiness. Ok. Help.