Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
About this week’s wishes.
These are all birthday wishes.
Not birthday-wishes in the sense of things I want for the coming year, or for my birthday this week (Thursday), but wishes about how I want to mark this.
The day of my birthday also happens to be the birthday of my business. Seven years officially, and eight since the day the spark was sparked in my heart.
And this is not any birthday.
This is 36. Which is double-life. Two times life!
Hai in Hebrew means living or life. It’s the same word that my name comes from. And in gematriya, 18 adds up to LIFE. All multiples of 18 are considered special and kind of … charged.
This also happens to be the theme that chose me at Crossing the Line to take through 2013: the qualities of Vitality, Aliveness, taking exquisite pleasure and delight in the wonder of being alive. Taste, touch, color, texture, breath, all of it.
So here I am. The year of double-life. That’s what I’m thinking about.
Thing 1: Conundrum solved: now to set it up.
Here’s what I want:
So Bond Girl (incoming me) solved a conundrum in the most wonderful way.
The conundrum was this:
Here is a thing about being a Havi. Havis like to celebrate. They like joyful celebration! Well, this one does.
Except! Havi does not like being social. Not even slightly social. Havi likes to hide and retreat and be away from people. Havi is happiest when turning inward. And being around more than one other person (maybe two) needs to be avoided.
(Other than at Rally! Which is different.)
So how can I celebrate and still not get overwhelmed? That was the question.
Bond Girl solved it. Speaking of Rally (Rally!), she solved it while I was at Rally, because Rally is amazing and solutions just kind of show up.
So I know exactly what I want. It’s just a matter of implementing it. And it’s going to need to spread out over a couple of months…
The qualities inside of the want:
Playfulness. Glamour. Surprise. Delight. Spaciousness. Mystery. Pleasure. Passage.
And the superpowers of radiant glowing boundaries, Extreme Sexy Confidence, knowing that there is time, and filling up on peacefulness.
Ways this might work:
I got the name of the just-right accomplice/photographer from Rhiannon.
Now I need to figure out when, where, who and how.
But that’s something I could do during the thing that is not a chrysalis but like a chrysalis.
Also I know Kyle is super into this crazy plan, so maybe I can enlist him to help me plan it? Or to listen encouragingly and drink beer while I plan it?
I’m playing with…
There is time. There is time. There is time. I want this, and it’s going to happen, and there is time.
Thing 2: What is like a chrysalis but not a chrysalis?
Here’s what I want:
Last year I took a week off and had birthday chrysalis at my favorite place in Portal Land.
This year, for a variety of reasons, that isn’t an option.
So I want something that is like a chrysalis but not a chrysalis.
It needs to have the qualities of chrysalis and also involve Time In.
(Time In is what I call “time off”, because my monsters disapprove of time-off but they worry when I get overwhelmed. So we compromised. Time In is turning inward and giving myself replenishing time to make sure that I don’t get fried. And it doesn’t sound like vacation, which they think is extravagant and decadent…)
The qualities inside of the want:
Pausing. Replenishing. Presence. Shelter. Quiet. Peacefulness. Sweetness. Flow.
And the superpower of taking exquisite care of myself. And enjoying that, feeling pleased about it.
Ways this might work:
When I asked myself “what is like a chrysalis but not a chrysalis”, what I got in response was the word labyrinth.
A labyrinth.
So if I set up my week like a labyrinth, there could be pieces of turning inward everywhere that I cycle through.
Wally on Monday. Rebecca on Toozday. Pool. Water. Horizon. Like that.
I’m playing with…
Maybe tomorrow at Fake Beach Day I can work out what this might look like, what the elements are.
The main thing is that I need to let my housemate know that home is a chrysalis zone, and that I am on a time-out from talking about work stuff.
Thing 3: The 36 mish’alot.
Here’s what I want:
Mish’alot are wishes.
And I am making 36 of them.
Last year on my birthday I made three impossible wishes, and they all came true. It took them a while. They slid in at the end. But they are here.
This year: 36.
The qualities inside of the want:
Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.
Eight different kinds of love.
And the superpower of Trusting That From Now On All Timing Is Right Timing.
Ways this might work:
This needs to happen at the bar.
I’m playing with…
Wishing.
Thing 4: Hamsas.
Here’s what I want:
Tiny hamsas everywhere.
Like the one we have at the Playground. It’s by Adina Plastelina and it looks like this.
I want more of these, in different colors, in my office and at Stompopolis, and this feels really important and I don’t know why.
Not even sure what this ask is about yet. Just putting it here because it feels like it is related to this year of being vitally alive and committing to that.
The qualities inside of the want:
Beauty. Remembering. Trust. Courage. Protection. Quiet. Nest. Treasure.
And the superpower of letting things get taken care of.
Ways this might work:
Not sure yet.
I’m playing with…
Letting myself want the want without needing to know more about it yet.
Thing 5: The secret hat of double-life.
Here’s what I want:
[silent retreat]
This one needs to be silent retreated.
And, interestingly, it is also related to my experience of my first Thirty Six Days of Silent Retreat.
The qualities inside of the want:
Presence. Warmth. Pleasure. Welcoming. Community. Delight. Vitality Aliveness.
And the superpowers of Celebration through Steadiness, Sweetness through Grace.
Ways this might work:
By getting as quiet as possible.
I’m playing with…
What is quiet than whispering? Softer than humming?
That. Radiating and resonating.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
Man, shelter is a really big deal to me right now.
Not that this should be surprising, because it isn’t. Just really noticing that.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- The secret and belated mishloach manot to be actually delivered in addition to existing. I forgot to emphasize that part of it!
- Costumes for Bond Girl.
- Taking out the part that doesn’t need me right now.
- Red Rose Missive.
- Moving the Marigold Mission to postcard.
- Being a surfer.
- What are the best earbuds? Who knows about this? (Suggestions welcome!)
- Renaming airplane mode. Ship mode? Silent retreat mode?
- Dipping dipping dipping dipping.
- Peacefulness.
I’m playing with…
Trust. Listening. Paying attention. Not speaking, and letting the not speaking solve everything for me.
To life, as they say.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to talk to Bond Girl, and I’ve been doing a lot of that.
Operation Watch This, Baby (aka watch this, comma, baby) is still in progress. The good news is that I am far less worried about this than I was before.
Operation Dock Deck Five was a huge success.
Sparking the sparks about Stompopolis is also still in progress. Thank you everyone who liked us on Facebook and followed on Twitter and Instagram (Stompstagram!).
I think what I want next is for people who have been to Stompopolis or want to visit to write about it online in some form, yes. 36 Things: happened. As did: Winning At Pants. In more ways than one….
The rest I am re-planting for this week as well.
Renamed chicken parts for congruence: done! About page: updated.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
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All the best wishes for your birthday week, Havi. I love the idea of the labyrinth.
Here’s what I want: Warmth
When I read that shelter is very important to you, my immediate response was that warmth is what matters most to me right now. It looked like spring was coming – daffodils up, trees budding — and then winter returned, and it is now 15 degrees out. I’ve been wearing a stocking cap in the house, and staying in the kitchen where I can bake and do laundry. Besides that kind of warmth, other kinds are important too. J’s phone call, after weeks of silence, was a reminder of that need.
So my ask for this week is for interpersonal and physical and emotional and spiritual warmth.
Qualities inside the want: love, growth, comfort, belonging, relaxation, knowing.
What I’ll do:
Eyes open, heart open. Take notes. Book of Me.
Report on last week:
Operation Eject is in effect and needs to continue.
Project Fulfillment – WHAMBoom!
Project Saucy Groups – Yay, Trucks!
Project Duarte – Yay, Trucks!
TOT – nothing done. Need to examine this. (Obvious next step is to measure, count, sort, and list.)
IRS Response – waiting on MrB.
Wishing a good week to everyone and to all the VPAs.
Lots of warm wishes for everyone’s items here.
Thing 1: Re-connections.
Here’s what I want:
I’ve been away from reading other blogs and actually enjoying the writing of my own blog. I want to re-connect with those few blogs I used to read every time a new entry was posted (like this one, for instance).
The qualities inside of the want:
Gentle Transition. Space. Calm. Joy. Smiles and Laughter. Feeling Welcomed.
Ways this might work:
I’m commenting on those blogs I’ve not been to in a while; reading posts, and connecting on twitter with the authors.
I’m playing with…
Watching. Reading and sitting back. Finding that thread of… that the thing in common that allows for easy connections.
Thank you Havi, for still providing this space.
Airplane mode = submarine mode = deep & quiet
There are so many things. So one of the Thingiest Things among them is to remember that it is not my job to tend to all the things all at once.
Qualities: Confidence. Security. Enough sleep. Mope Be Gone. Wham Booms instead of Waah Booms. …
Ways this might work: simpler meals (aka less dishwashing). Getting factual with the monsters (there is a lot of calendar left. There will be calls for entries beyond the current cluster). Remembering to sit at the table with the best light.
I’ll play with: leaving my “next time” binder open. Adding crayons/pencils/sheep. Using bike/walk time to reframe the exile narrative.
Noticing: clews. There be lots of clews. Why do some of them have Tel Aviv on their leaves? (I am admiring the earrings in the Adina Plastelina shop.) Do I need a lined box for the clews? *ponderponderponder*
Bonus wishes:
* good weather for biking and walking
* the inflammation near my implant to get gone
* soufflé mojo
May your birthday bring bouquetfuls of beautiful blessings, Havi.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
mmm… Birthdays!
happy birthday week and yay double hai!
I will have my double hai birthday in April and I’m now curious if/when my (jewish) family will realize it.
But so random and cool that we’re the same age for most of the year 😉
Earbuds:
multiple thoughts. bigest one is ears are part of people and therefore vary. I’m particularly talking about comfort here – BIG variation. What people think sound good also varies, but I actually think that’s the lesser problem when it comes to earbuds.
other then comfortable fit, the bigest decision is whether how much outside sound they block out (or don’t block out) is important.
I mostly use a Bose MIE2i earbuds/iphone headset which I really like. One of the cool things with them is they come with 3 sizes of the rubber part that fits in your ear, but when I got them ALL of them were too big for my ears. But I found out (thanks to my sister who not so secretly works at a Bose store) that you can get the “old style” tips rather then the ones they come with now. The old style also come in 3 sizes and the small of those is perfect.
The thing to know about these earbuds is they block out very little outside sound – it can be both their best and worst quality. If I’m listening to something at moderate volume, it mostly doesn’t matter, but if I walk into a loud environment I have to turn them up.
Before I used those, I used sony mdr-ex38iP which also come with 3 sizes of rubber tips and block out quite a bit of outside sound even when you aren’t playing anything. Particularly if you put them in tightly.
The sonys are about $40, the Bose are around $100.
Going higer up the scale are the Etymotic ER-4P which are about $250. I’ve never used them but I’ve heard enough people who’s opinions I trust recommend them that I think they are a safe bet, HOWEVER my understanding is that they put enough pressure on your ears when you “jam” them in that they take some getting accustomed to.
Another option – starting from around that $250 point and going up from there are custom in ear monitors (often used by musicians on stage) the cool thing here is that they are made from custom molds of your ears taken by an audiologist – so they are made to fit your ears precisely. Most people who have them, love them.
There are also a couple of options for making your own custom molded earbuds at home. A comercial option ( http://myeers.com/pcs-100-custom-molded-earphones/ )
and a DIY option that I’m now really excited to try ( http://www.howtogeek.com/57481/how-to-make-custom-silicone-ear-molds-for-your-in-ear-monitors/ )
Hope that helps (rather then being totally overwhelming)
Instead of airplane mode – perhaps voyage/cruise mode?
(Whoops, posted about nap mode in the wrong thread! My mind is in nap mode. But it’s nearly bedtime in my time zone, so there you go.)
Ear buds: I have Sony in-ear phones and they are great – my ears are quite small so large earbuds are painful after a while. I’ve heard Sennheiser are good, but I’ve only used their foldup headphones (which I can recommend if you are ever looking for foldup headphones)
(o)
Happy birthday Havi!
What about stealth mode as a replacement for airplane mode? It would fit with the secret agent theme.
My very first very personal ad:
I’m flying to Charleston, SC on Wednesday, meeting my sister & brother-in-law, then traveling to another city on Friday for a surprise 65th birthday party for Mom.
My wish is to feel a sense of spaciousness and ease rather than my typical frantic rushing as I pack, tie up loose ends at work, and go to the airport. I’d also like safe yet not too delayed flying–my area is possibly going to get some significant snow that day.
I’m combining family time with “selfish vacation” that is just for me (and yes, I’m aware that my use of that term reveals a lot). Because it’s so much less expensive to fly in the middle of the week, I have a couple of days to explore Charleston on my own while my sister & brother-in-law are at work. My wish is that I would value & protect my “me-time” and not feel guilty about it, and that I would be renewed enough to get out of the burned out mental place where I currently am.
What I want: to make one simple (but not easy) change to my morning routine.
Qualities inside the want: Creativity. Love. Spaciousness. Possibility. Power.
Ways this could work: I can treat this as a playful experiment, in which anything that happens is valuable and useful information, thus sidestepping the perfectionist beasties. I can obsessively browse the archives here, looking for posts on habit-changing; I seem to recall one in particular that I’d really like to re-visit now. I can invoke magic!
I’m playing with: me. All the mes. The Me of Now, the Me of Tomorrow, the Me that Could Be, and the Me that Always Is. And all the rest.
L’chaim!
Good birthday wishes to you, Havi!
Silently retreating while my Monsters are loudly advancing. And chanting. They are chanting the chant of “The well has run dry/you can’t do this even when you try/nothing left nothing left/you might as well cry” while parading around holding baskets. They are telling me the jig is up, the world has figured out I’m a fraud and failure and bad at what I do and that is why the phone has stopped ringing and the clients have stopped coming and how will I convince a giant company to hire me when I can’t even get a client to hire me. They are stomping about and pointing at the bills and gesticulating wildly at the calendar and pointing at what everyone else is doing and asking why I don’t have that success. They are asking for congressional hearings on what has happened here. They want to know who knew what and when they knew it. And they want flowers for their baskets.
(Sshh, no one tell them about the client who just called, the class I’m signed up for, or the 2 meetings I have next week to learn more about things that go plink. They like to revel in their indignation and self-rightousness.)
Oooh, happy birthday, Havi! May your day be a pageant of double LIFE! and sparkles and bubbles and at least eight kinds of LOVE and may it CONTINUE all year and may every wish come true <3 <3 <3
Happy Birthday, Havi! Happy Birthday, Fluent Self!
Hummmm! for Time In.
and
Hummmm! for labyrinths!
@Andy — thanks for the earbud tech details!
Not addressing any technical questions myself — try “ducky earbuds” in Google Images search.
What I want: Rallying at home after a weeklong vacation with West Coast family.
Qualities (Invoking Spring/Wood of Chinese Medicine):
Re-Entry, Welcome, Awakening, Energizing, Attention, Movement, Expansion, Lightness.
How it could happen: Practicing Rally tools. Conducting & Compassing. Breathing. Pillow-seating & lap desks. Costumes. Sea shanties (chanteys?).
I’ll play with: Getting up when I’m awake. Playing with an unschedule. Visiting my projects. Stopping before exhaustion. Flooping. Salads. Exercise.
Space. Space. Space. Space.
2013 is about space. This week is about space. This month is about space.
This is what I want. Space.
Space for holding all the things I already have (which I somehow thought I could hold WITHOUT thinking about giving them SPACE).
Space for allowing all the movement.
Space for the stillness (more advanced!)
Space for resistance about the space.
Space that appears because I conjured it.
Space that interacts with time.
Mind-space, body-space, cell-space, stomach-space, thought-space, feeling-space, non-space, vortex-space.
And all the containers.
May it be so!
Warmest birthday wishes to Havi!
My visions for my week:
Sleep is dependable and patterned in a lovely way
Speed and ease and wonderment of editing, writer me leads the pack, Kate Bush running up that hill, magical progress
Food is healthy in all ways, allergens be gone!
I feel better
Interaction w/ (silent retreat) is just to benefit me, the stressful stuff we will totally leave out until later after I have done a whole bunch of playing with the possibilities, also: let go and let the universal chicken fix it
Really these edits just move along a lot faster than I would think
More movement
Happy birthday Havi & Fluent Self!! All the good wishes. 🙂
VPAs… Let’s see.
#1. Conference Ease – This conference, which hasn’t even actually started yet, has been riddled with things going kind of sideways. The good is that nothing is terribly wrong (except for the poor woman who has to leave because her mother had a heart attack).. I should say nothing is terribly wrong with the conference itself. Another person missed a flight but was able to fix it on their own, and someone else is flying in later than they were supposed to and missing a pre-meeting-meeting, but he doesn’t care and so I’m not worried about it. But I would like to not spend the whole conference in handling-crisis mode, please. 3 in 12 hours is enough.
Qualities – Ease. Ease. Extra Ease. Flow. Right-timing. Sovereignty. Breath. Presence.
Ways this could work: As always, it just could. I can use these little emergencies that weren’t actually emergencies to remind me that now is not then, it’s not always what it seems and the most important thing is to stay connected to myself.
I will try: Conducting! As much as possible! Staying connected to my forcefield. Ringing the bells of ease. finding out what’s mine.
In the pot:
-Yay! I get to spend the weekend with my best friend who I only see every year or two. I want this to be delightful and so much fun.
-Brain rest. My brain is so fried right now… I feel at capacity. I would like to pay attention to how I’m taking care of myself while I’m here and hopefully recover from this brain fog.
-A manicure… I would like to not have half-peeled nail polish on my fingers for the conference. I also don’t want to spend the $40+ for a manicure at the hotel. Not sure if I conversation with the money monsters is required or figuring out where there is another nail place that is not insane. I shall investigate.
-To remember to play the money game. (Thanks, Corie.) I will do this with my morning coffee so I remember. With permission for this to be fun and not a big deal.
Oh, I just opened my notebook and I had a note about someone thinking my name was Selma the other day. I was honored to be confused with Selma, even though she is much yellower than I am.
This makes me really happy. In sovereign, hot-cup-of-tea delight! Hamsas everywhere in this comment. xxxxxx
EMERGENCY Ask #1: Stompolis Calendar Tragedy at Sea!!!!
What it is: My Stompolis calendar had a water glass dumped on it late last night. I woke to find it waterlogged and sticking to itself. Emergency repairs unsuccessful. I peeled the pages apart and stuck it in a sunny window to dry, before i had to go.
I LOVED my calendar sooooo much and so did my kids and it was scary-magical how well it worked with the Book of Time. I want: a new calendar, or to fix my calendar pretty well, or to be okay with how it looks and get PERMISSION and AMNESTY to continue using it, even though it looks kinda ghetto now. Saddest of sad face ship’s mice!
WTCW: I’m putting it out there. Help, pets and advice welcome.
ICT: Breathing. Letting go. Superpowers of Not Eveything Has to be Perfect, Everything that’s Mine REturns to Me, and Not Making Events into Bad Narratives. Curiosity, play and forgiveness. Not leaving dishes on the dining table overnight.
VPA 2: The Joy of Routines and Best Practices
WIW: Past few weeks have been busy and hectic. Routines have fallen off, leading to less awesomeness and ease. Also, new routines and practices have not fully taken root and integrated themselves yet. I want the next 2 weeks to be about Integrating these routines and doing my Best Practices regularly
WTCW: Entering and Exiting the Day helps best. Reviwing and adding to Best Practices Page. Checking in at bedtime on what worked? Asking Bosun Kelly and the co-captain’s for help?
ICT: Play and curiosity, permission, amnesty and ease. Sovereignty. Superpowers of Taking Excellent care of Me, Keeping my Word, Filling the Well. Noticing and reflecting. And of course, conducting and compassing, these seem to really help calm the brain-weasels.
Into the pot:
-awesome hippie boots
-new tanktops (bratop tanks tops)
-SuperPOwer of I have Plenty of energy, KNowing the Next step, and Discipline is REmembering What I want
-Deeper inner work
-more sexual pleasure (this is NOT a proxy)
-fun and adventure of all kinds
I came in here to say that Airplane Mode => Monk Mode (which would of course become Monkey Mode) but I like Submarine Mode better. Only I like that old word “Submersible.” Submersible Mode. Although for the amount of time I’m actually *on* airplanes or in submersibles, it really should be called Movie Theater Mode or Opera Mode. Because heaven forfend my phone even accidentally buzz a little tiny bit during Tosca!
Very Happy Birthdays, Havi AND the Fluent Self!
Wishing you more of what you wish for, less of what you don’t want, and may you find perfect chrysalises, hamsas and ear-buds.
Some great suggestions to replace airplane mode – my favourites are submarine mode (deep and quiet) and stealth mode, both of which could also be metaphors for Silent Retreat.
My ‘No Time Monsters’ are stomping around me – no-time-no-time-no-time but just wanted to wish you 36 mish’alot today, and oh-so-many more!
Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.
Happy Birthday Havi!!
love and more love!
Happy Birthday, Havi!
May your year be overflowing with Ease, Presence, Peace, Flow, Love, Inner Knowing, Plenty, Delight, Silent Retreat and Sovereignty.
Thank you for being you. Thank you for Fluent Self.
To Life!
Happy birthday from a year-long lurker (hi!) and newbie Shivanaut. Wanted you to know that your ideas are fascinating and, I believe, really important for people to hear. Thanks so, so much for teaching me radical self-compassion.
I thought it was cool that you said shelter was becoming a big deal for you. In the popularized version of the Mayan day-calendar, today is represented by an archetype that means, among other things, home or shelter. (It’s called Blue Night). If you’re turning 36, you would have been born on a Blue Night day as well. It would be your sign.
Hope your day was The Best. 🙂
Belated earbud recommendation–I like these:
http://www.amazon.com/Memorex-EC100-Over-Active-Series/dp/B001GGK5G6
They are light and have an inline volume adjuster and I find the over-the-ear parts comfortably adjustable and secure.