Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, evehttps://fluentself.com//wp-admin/admin.php?page=wordpress-related-posts&ref=adminbarn when asking feels conflicted.
I invariably discover useful information about my relationship with the thing I think I want, and with the experience of Wanting itself. Join in if you like….
What do I want?
The situation. And background.
I know what I want now.
I mean, I know what I want. Like, in life.
This is kind of blowing my mind. I thought I knew before, and what I know now isn’t all that very different* but the way that I know it: SO VERY DIFFERENT.
* Although, yes, New Shit Has Come To Light, as the Big Lebowski would put it.
It might be that I am not explaining this very well. Such is the (infuriating) nature of epiphanies: they sound stupid when you put them into words.
Anyway, I know. What I want. I have so much information about it!
And in order to take Next Steps, there are certain missions that need to be activated.
The Op of the week is Operation ACTIVATE.
What I want.
Let us name the missions.
- Mission: Tradewinds. Consult Agents D, A, J and W on various aspects.
- Mission: Signmaking. Rendezvous with Colleen the Signmaker.
- Mission: It Has Already Been Given To You. Agents Wilk and Corn.
- Mission: No, really. It has already been given to you. Have Agent R call Kiva.
- Mission: Transmission. Transmission-mission. Hahaha. This is how you prep for The Rendezvous.
And mainly I want to stay connected to grounded enthusiasm, blissful steadiness, and the the compass of ACTIVATE, aka the qualities inside of the wants…
The qualities inside of the wants:
Readiness. Ease. Sustenance. Grounding. Opening. Plenty. Trust. Yes.
And the superpower or sankalpa of letting things be fun and playful.
What might help?
Each day one piece. Asking for help. Staying focused.
What else might help?
Pause and breathe.
I’m playing with…
Lots and lots of secret agent code.
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code and some are taking a silent retreat on.
Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Let’s find signs.
- Let’s make signs.
- Let’s go dancing.
- Let’s keep skipping all the stones.
- “Take a chance on me…”
- Miracles and perfect simple solutions: here before Friday, please.
- I know what I need and I know what I want, and not only am I okay with it, I’m acting on it.
- Oh look, that was so much easier than I thought it would be!
Repeat-wishes
- I rest into miracles, and then THERE THEY ARE.
- I actively choose quiet.
- Left-handed labyrinth.
- Perfect simple solutions, suddenly visible!
- Sound effects for my internal video game.
- Going to the 9&9, even when it isn’t nine or nine.
- Ahahaha I am an accidental genius! SOLVED.
- Well-rested: the first and best well.
- What do I need? What do I want?
- Sweet blissful steadiness.
- Things that need to exit now exit gracefully.
- Things that need to come in now are received with love.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Play. Plenty. Ease. Emptying. Release. Replenishing. Lightness. Light.
And the superpower of The New Openings Reveal Themselves.
I ask for this one every week, but not bored of it yet: I can see the secret holiness of everything.
Ways this could work.
It just could.
I’m playing with…
Receptivity, grace, appreciation, treasuring things.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Okay, last week, aka Copy Copy Major Major.
This is where I laugh hysterically.
Last week I planted, among other things, the following wishes:
- San Diego is full of treasure.
- Nothing that can’t be solved by a bath.
- I know what I need and I know what I want, and this is okay.
- Solved!
And I got all four of those so hard that it is ridiculous. San Diego was not only full of treasure, it was full of the exact treasure I needed. See also: Solved! And it was all the baths that helped me get quiet enough to see the treasure. And, you guessed it, I know what I need and I know what I want, and this is okay. It’s more than okay. It’s exactly right.
Me-from-last-week is such a genius. I want to remember that.
Also, I wanted to write the copy, and I did. So that went pretty well. Yay.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
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Whoooooo delurking…
I have taken this week off work so that I can do exactly what I want with it, even if that’s nothing, and even if I change my mind about what I want to do today from day to day. (And I have already cleared the Box of Doom fom 2009 and shredded most of it, even though that is something I never want to do, so there you go.)
Here are some things I want:
A Chapel. (Sub-wants: A way to keep my hats safe; picture hooks; more shredding, possibly.)
To talk to Anne.
To not be tired. (Sub-wants: for people to not start talking to me when I check in on Facebook at two minutes to ten when I am about to turn the computer off; to have enough time for everything I want to do, and to actually know what I want to do.)
To not worry about the rent. (Sub-want: the job that my husband wants, whatever that may be, comes up. Some other way to not worry about the rent.)
A birthday party, but not one I have to stress about.
What I want: To give quality time to the biiiiiiiiiiiiiiig iguana sitting in my dining room.
The background: it’s been around for years. I keep putting it in the back seat behind billable work, which makes it bulkier and slimier and other harder-to-tame-rs as more and more time goes by.
The qualities inside the want: honor. generosity. recognition. creativity.
What might help? putting Reassurance Me at the front of the V. I need to convince myself that working on this project will not be wasting my time or stealing it from other important projects, even if I fall short of what’s in my mind or what the recipient wants. The time and resources I put into it will make me a better artist. Expressing love is a spiritual practice regardless of how it is received. I believe these things, so it’s a matter of remembering them when the ink blobs and my pen skids.
What might also help? sitting out T, P, and C for a while. Putting them on the back burner doesn’t mean there won’t be other opportunities.
(Man, Reassurance Me sure has her work cut out for her!)
I’m playing with: giving myself more time for entry. Allowing myself to recognize that what matters to me deserves more time for entry.
Update on last time: still in the thick of it. Might print it out for the before-I-leave-the-house book I’m starting.
Gwishes:
* to locate the info I’m not sure I even have
* to shed the extra baggage I can bet on not missing
* to get closer to some sense of parts-where-they-oughta-be in rabbit pose, because I sure as heck am not feeling it yet
* to get things sorted out so that I can spend more time with my housebound neighbor
Warm wishes to all y’all, and the freshest and brightest of flowers, too.
What I want:
A container for my Sparkly Project. A time/space that will make me feel excited and inspired to work on my project, surrounded with safety and love, infused with passion. A container that not only allows me to work on my project daily, but makes it easy to do so, a container that facilitates dedication.
Qualities inside the want:
Safety. Inspiration. Love. Passion. Ease. Purpose. Joy. Flow.
What might help?
Potions. Food and beverages (treats!). A union between scheduling and spaciousness/freedom.
There were a few epiphanies recently that I’m investigating. There’s been writing. And I am moved into the other bedroom with my brand new bed that is perfect, and the closet doors are mirrors. Last night before bed I pulled out a white-board marker set and went to town.
Okay, on to VPA:
What I want: That thing that’s been bothering me to dissolve into “It really isn’t a problem, is it?” without pain or disappointment or loss. (I.e., not just going away. I want a solution, resolution, something positive and useful.)
Trust, caring, growth, planting seeds for the next season of my life.
I don’t know how this works. I’m playing with writing and thinking and proxies. And lots of love. And caring. Oh, and trust! It is a good thing.
“I know what I need and I know what I want, and not only am I okay with it, I’m acting on it.”
Yay! I claim this as a superpower! The super power of knowing what I need, knowing what I want, being okay with it and acting on it.
I’ve been posting lists of VPAs with no detail. This week, I’m changing my approach — Change your approach, change your luck?
What I want this week:
1. Getting grounded in the Stomping Ground.
The Stomping Ground is the upstairs space that is supposed to be my creative space, that I want to make Playground-ish. I have been thinking and talking about this since my first Rally, and still have not done it.
I want to write an OOD about it, and especially focus on Tizmun and on the obstacles/monster objections/what-iffery.
Qualities inside the want: understanding, insight, compassion, play, nurturing, love, fun, desire
What might help:
Writing the OOD by hand .
Processing for the OOD in more than one location, including in the SG.
Permission.
Letting go of past ideas about how to do this.
Welcoming new ideas about the SG and about the process.
Asking what helps me feel grounded?
2. Noting the Notes
I have lots of notes on the laptops and I want put the ones that are most pertinent right now in a notebook.
Qualities inside the want: usefulness, ease, access, comfort, wisdom, care.
What might help?
I need a pen, a notebook, and a place.
Doing this in the outdoor refueling station.
Make this playful.
3. Creating some Protocols or Rituals for Recovering from the Hard.
I have one for after we’ve been to the ER. I want one for when the EMTs have to come but don’t have to take us to the ER, and one for the Scary That I Don’t Get Help With.
I want a few steps to do as soon as possible to calm me down, bring me back into equilibrium, and make it possible for me to carry on.
Qualities inside the want: Calm, safety, recovery.
What might help?
Read Havi’s posts about calming the heck down.
Deep breaths always help.
When I get the money, I could buy the Emergency Calming Techniques.
4. Listing the lists.
I have a list of lists I want to make, and this week I want to write the lists. Some of the lists are:
A list of “happy words” (see Mental Floss).
EEP activities (Many of these will be replenishing activities too)
Things I want to avoid thinking about for now (a compromise with the internal voices that want to avoid things and the ones that want me to face things and deal with them right away).
Things to do during Insomnia Time.
Qualities: Certainty, order, knowing, relief, pleasure, doing-ness, focus, play.
What might help?
Sitting on the porch.
Brainstorming.
Also asking:
More filling of the Wells
More Porch Time
More Treehouse Time
Beginning Project Dismal (please?)
A more effective teaching plan for NR.
Finding the things I lost. (Dammit!)
Also re-asking Access 1 and Project Terror from last week.
Qualities: replenishment, rest, nature, movement, creation.
What I did last week:
Filling the Wells: filling a well happens slowly, and sometimes progress with one means regress with another.
Project HEFT: done! Agent G did his part. Yay! I wish all the helpers I’ve contacted were as prompt and as competent. Hmmm. That needs to be an Ask, doesn’t it?
Access 2: done!
Outputting the Input: done!
Porch Time: done!
Treehouse Time: done!
Reveling: done! I had lovely hours reveling in MrB’s companionship and conversation.
I also made progress on Project Bins! And did a significant amount of house ordering.
Yay, me! Yay, last week! Yay for the week to come!
….. Last Week’s Achievement of the Week:
* I remembered that there’s no shame in going around a problem instead of forcing through it. I don’t know _what_ I’d do without email!
…..What I Want For This Week:
* To continue to give myself what I need, to ask for help and be OK about it. To be at ease with taking it easy.
* To go out and do what I want and need to do, without being influenced by other people’s passivity.
* To go back to that time when making things for other people was fun, not stressful.
…..Ways I Could Make It Happen:
* Get lots and lots of sleep. Even if it’s on the couch. I keep having visions of a special safe room just for sleeping. The Lavender Dreaming Room. Mmm…
* Make sure communication channels are open. Remember that both members of the Mutual Admiration Society want what will make each other happy as well as ourselves.
* Make it all into a game. No, it’s not the most important decision you’ll probably ever make, it’s … umm… a fun House Inspection game! I’ll need my (invisible) hard hat and my (visible) clipboard with checklist. And jolly (inaudible) singing of the Real Estate Gnomes song. I can’t wait!
…..Superpower I’ll Use:
* The power of the Pet Rock. Actually, I think I’d like it to be a permanent Superpower. Calm, grounded, solid, steady, zen, smiling, uncomplicated.
Wishing everyone peace and rest.
Ease, please. For me, and for anyone else who would like some. <3
Thanks, Kathleen Avins! I will take some ease. And a little bit more…
My want, it is simple. I want to live bicoastally. I want to be doing it this time next year.
I want this SO MUCH.
VPA Amnesty, I has it!
What do I want?
-Keep asking myself this question. It doesn’t matter if it’s copying Havi if it works, damnit!
-To level up to my next job soon
-More writing! writing as much as I am drinking water. that vital.
-Sweet blissful steadiness. Yes please.
-Safety from fires
-To Whoosh a lot of things that need Whooshing
-more adventures in video-gaming (proxy and not-a-proxy)
-play! make everything into play! like today! play!
-finding sweetness everywhere
-restful sleep
-going with my intuition in tiny, new ways
-a safe room for all the guilt