Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, evehttps://fluentself.com//wp-admin/admin.php?page=wordpress-related-posts&ref=adminbarn when asking feels conflicted.
I invariably discover useful information about my relationship with the thing I think I want, and with the experience of Wanting itself. Join in if you like….
What do I want?
The situation. And background.
You know the point where you have so many things to do that you’re completely paralyzed and can’t do even one of them?
Of course you do. You are alive, and reading something on the internet.
Anyway, it’s a big, busy, stressful week here, and I have way too many baskets.
So. I need help with the hallway and I need help with the garden, and both of these are metaphorical. So are the baskets. It’s all metaphors all the time around here, apparently.
(The hallway is the hallway from “when one door closes, another one opens…but it’s hell in the hallway”. The garden is where all the fractal flowers live.)
What I want.
It has to do with alignment.
Alignment. Lining up. Congruence. Subtle shifting.
This is not the bullshit fascist alignment that you might run into a yoga class or at the gym. (Your knee has to be directly over your ankle or you will DIE! Even though actually we each have different bodies and differently shaped bones and joints, and we all fit together differently so this makes no sense, and also you live in your body so it’s your job to figure out what feels safe and comfortable for you, not someone else’s, and there is a lot more I could say about this but it is besides the point.)
I’m talking about plink plink, the sound of things falling into place. I’m talking about things coming into conscious, loving, harmonious relationship with each other. I’m talking about facilitating that through getting quiet, paying attention, playing and experimenting.
Anyway, I have all these things, and I need them to support each other and to support me. So that each tiny step I take towards one of them is secretly helping all the other ones line up too. And I need as much help and support as possible.
- Mission: Preparing for Operation Big Tent. Maybe Alon can help.
- Mission: Write about Aperture #1.
- What if instead of saying Hello to July this year because I apparently do not wish to do that, maybe I can examine my relationship with July instead. Change the ritual.
- The Sail of Yard. This will require a Puttering Day. When can this happen?
- Aperture #2. Investigate!
- Aperture #3. Investigate!
- There are TWELVE THINGS that need wording, and this is scaring the hell out of me, because my monsters are convinced that any one of these could take all week. We can also use alignment for this, in the form of the Alignment practice.
- The list of ideas for the Big Tent op. R can help edit this but I need a draft.
- The Mystery of the Missing Portals, first step.
- Mission Avoid The 6.
- Priscila, Queen of the Sea.
And: how can all or most of this take place in the sun? Because I want to be in the sun.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Trust. Ease. Sustenance. Contentment. Plenty. Peace. Release. Receive.
And the superpower or sankalpa of trusting my instincts.
What might help?
Remember the Fractal Flowers. The alignment caper on repeat. Stick with the compass.
What else might help?
Conduct. Take it to the grass.
You can’t do all the baskets, but you are working towards fewer baskets. This is the path to the next Vicarage. Breathe. you can do this.
And of course, play at the Floop because the Floop is magic.
I’m playing with…
Even more secret agent code.
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code and some are taking a silent retreat on.
Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- The Sale of Yard is easy and fun, and so are the Exceptions.
- Operation Big Tent is a big sigh of relief, and I feel better afterwards. And if I don’t, then I am going to the beach with Monsieur LeBlanc of the Other Agency until I do.
- Next year in Jerusalem, except not.
- Let’s keep skipping all the stones.
- Be Like Water, Havi Bell.
- One of the Apertures is the right one, or the right one for now, and I can feel it.
- Just child’s pose.
- I’m glad it’s happening like this, actually.
Repeat-wishes
- I rest into miracles, and then THERE THEY ARE.
- I actively choose quiet.
- Left-handed labyrinth.
- Perfect simple solutions, suddenly visible!
- Sound effects for my internal video game.
- Going to the 9&9, even when it isn’t nine or nine.
- Ahahaha I am an accidental genius! SOLVED.
- Well-rested: the first and best well.
- What do I need? What do I want?
- Sweet blissful steadiness.
- Things that need to exit now exit gracefully.
- Things that need to come in now are received with love.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Play. Sweetness. Steadiness. Grounding. Heart. Comfort. Rejuvenation. Strength.
And the superpower of I Fill The Hallway With Candles And Sing It A Sweet Song.
I ask for this one every week, but not bored of it yet: I can see the secret holiness of everything.
Ways this could work.
It just could.
I’m playing with…
Taking it to the swingset.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Okay, last week, aka Operation ACTIVATE.
Things are being activated. Some more quickly than others. But: progress.
Also, during the birthday picnic, we covered a lot of activation ground.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
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I am a bit embarrassed about how long my VPAs turned out to be last week, even though it was less detailed than what I originally wrote.
The experiment was useful. I learned a lot about thinking about my wants from different perspectives and using different approaches. Sometimes it’s enough to identify the desire. Sometimes, especially when things aren’t moving, a detailed examination of the want is needed.
Well, I already knew that, but it’s one of those things that I keep re-learning.
I want to continue doing the things I began last week.
I listed some lists and noted some notes. I have made a start on the Recovery Rituals. I want to do more of that.
I didn’t do much in the Stomping Ground but I know more about the ask and the reasons behind it and the reasons I haven’t done what I thought I wanted to do. After deciding to sit with that and what it will mean for the space, I made a small beginning in making — or letting — that happen.
Wells were filled. There was Porch Time and Treehouse Time. I am asking for more of those.
The two things I re-asked from the week before, Access 1 and Project Terror, are scheduled/planned for this week. May it be so.
Coming up with a more effective teaching plan has been moved to this week. I think I need to talk to Agent N.
Project Dismal is waiting for Agent G. I had started thinking it might be HIS iguana but yesterday he talked about steps and plans and what to do. So yay. Re-asking anyway because I have a part in the project.
The things I lost are still not found. I’m letting them go and moving on.
I also want a solution to the mystery of the non-phone call and the missing information.
And a resolution for the terror and the errors behind Project Terror.
<3 { { { h a v i } } } <3
Throwing some coins into the Gwishing Gwell…
* Hello Deep-End. May en-role-ment be effortless and the new costume a natural fit (splash-plink!)
* Hello Body, Hello Mind, you guys do not actually piss me off at all. I am just sad we are not such good friends as I would like. Shall we try over? (splash-plink! splash-plink!)
* Hello House, Hello Laundry, Hello Food, Hello Dishes. How shall we get along now I'm wearing my new costume? I believe in the possibilities of sweetness between us. (splash-plink!)
* Hello Paradox of Being-Busier-Seems-More-Unhurried. May it be a #weird #buttrue hashtaggable phenomenon. (splash-plink!)
* Hello Alignment. May you be surprisingly civil and matter-of-fact and agreed that it is for the best amen may it be so so mote it be auummmm. (splash-plink-plink-plink-plink)
* Hello Gorgeously Affordable Yet Wonderfully In-Tact Subaru Impreza Organised By Angels. THANK YOU FOR SHOWING UP AND BEING AS PERFECT AS I AM SURE YOU ARE GOING TO BE WHEN I GO MEET YOU TODAY!!!! (splash-plink-plink-plink-plink!!)
* Hello Dear Dragon, Hello Dragon Tamers, Hello Lovely Gold. Let us play together with love and faith and ease and effectiveness and efficiency. And tenderness towards my schtuff about dragons and gold. (splash-plink-plink-plink)
* Hello my children. May I find a way to navigate for us all. With peace and plenty and FUN dammit. May I meet my schtuff about fearing I will die of parenting effectively and efficiently so that you don't have to, cos that's not your job my darlings. (splash-plink-plink-plink-plink-plink-plink-plink)
*witchysafecircles* *spell-casting* *nell cadrone* *fairy-dust* *aauuummmmm*
Oh, Havi! I wish I could be there for the Sail of Yard. SO MUCH.
And Puttering Day! May it be wonderful. I shall help myself to one of those, too.
xoxox!
Situation and background: I have a secret fear.
What I want: Ease, lightness, resolution, gentleness, kindness.
The quality inside the wants: Amnesty.
What could help: Giving all these things to myself, and offering them to the people around me.
What else might help: Extreme self-care. Not in a pushy way, though. Gently, gently. I shall try a little tenderness.
I’m playing with: Perfect simple solutions.
—<—<—-@
….. Last Week’s Achievement of the Week:
* I househunted with ease and wore the Princess Crown of entitlement / deserved home-ownership!
…..What I Want For This Week:
* To build on last week and continue to address my needs physically and emotionally.
* To trust myself and my decisions (hard!!).
…..Ways I Could Make It Happen:
* Listen to my body. Make notes on how the new treatment is affecting me. Don’t struggle, but ease into new routines. Get into the habit of taking all my tablets. No, really this time! Have fun and polish the Tortoiseshell!(AKA pampering, AKA Princess Time)
* I’m not sure how one goes about trusting oneself. I’ve never even considered before that it might be possible. I feel more comfortable walking the Spiral Maze. I trust that the Spiral Maze will lead me to the centre sooner or later. I’ll start by trusting the Universe and see what happens. Also, get to know my Purple Friends a bit more so I can understand their advice better.
…..Helpers I’ll Call On:
* The Husbandy One. He knows what to do next, he’s done it before. When he knows what he wants, he gets fired up. Draw on that knowledge and energy.
…..Superpower I’ll Use:
* The superpower of being the Sovereign/Princess of all I survey.
* The Pet Rock. Steady, always.
Happy VPAs to everyone!
What I want:
* safe traveling for myself and all on the roads with me
* heart’s ease for those hurting
Holding the specifics in my heart, for now.
Warm wishes and abundant support to all y’all.
Update: Gorgeously Affordable Yet Wonderfully In-Tact Subaru Impreza Organised By Angels is now in my possession and is positively perfect in every way. Thank you everything that aligned and churned and turned and landed in such a way as this is where we got to. This is nice.
<3
So much is happening, and I really have been in la-la mode, and not journaling, which helps everything feel connected and congruent and less chaotic and unmanagable.
The current Big Project is the White Flower Project (detoxing, cleaning and clearing) and that is very much a fractcal flower, so every little thing effects every other little thing.I asked for some help and i discovered:
-Exiting the Day rituals are how we set up for a WhiteFlower morning. This requires tea and melatonin. It may require more ritual, but this is a start.
-Operation Natasha has some overlap, some shared goals and fractal-ness
-this project, all my projects really, are Long Term. Small moves make big waves but only over time. Big moves do not make the new habits land (integrate) well at all.
-this project rises and falls with lunar cycles. I can make smaller goals for each phase as well as the whole lunation.
We’ve also had some big progress in Operation NAtasha:
-i feel the body/mind/spirit connection more clearly
-i have kept up with spy training every week
-dressing like Someone Who Does Yoga makes me feel doing yoga (i like how it looks)
-Adorning myself is wonderful, i love that
-White Flowers do help me lose the weight, eat better and stay positive
-my measurements do not change, my wieght goes up, it’s all frustrating, I want some quantifiable progress here.
VPA 1: My goal for this week is a Holy Well: Eating Well. WIW: THe increased movement, detoxing and mediatation are all good, but my diet needs to shift now. This is very scary.
WTCW: Become conscious of what I’m eating and make some better, fresher choices. This is the best time of year to do this.
ICT: Going to the farmers market every week. Picking recipes and ENJOYING the cooking. Cook with the Girlfriend (light candles). Cook with the kids whrn they get home. More Gracious Living with the husband. Experiment. More salads and less processed food.
This feels good for now. Thanks
EVEN THOUGH for some reason it feels nauseatingly terrifying to write down any wishes
EVEN THOUGH my brain is a big scrambled swamp full of alligators
VPA:
To play with tiny fragments, planting tiny seeds.
To interact lovingly and compassionately with myself whenever possible.
Completion of the Fearful Secret Undone Task at work – damn the torpedoes! But, like, gently, foppishly and sort of off-hand, like Bertie Wooster playing badminton.
To incorporate techniques from Havi’s compass and to transform all kinds of reptiles.
To learn something about one thing that needs to transform or release.
To play with some new bunnies.
Many, many rewards, treasures, and medals.
Allies: my fellow buccaneer, Sasha, G-money, LV.
I’ll play with:
Bunnies. Seeds. Looking glasses. Skipping stones. Looking in through words.
I wish everyone light and a breath of fresh air when they need it.
@Claire – YAY for subaru of perfectness!
@Havi – much love to you and warm wishes for sweetness and ease.
Visions for me, hmm. What do I want this week?
All the writings continue to bring delight and bings.
Sleep is sweet and easy and sufficient.
The dissolve-o-matic focus on My Thing I’ve Been Hiding From For Thirty Years is fun, play-filled, and effective.
And it’s never too late.
And the nonsensical panic goes away.
How this works? It does. Dissolve away! It’s like play and work at the same time, how awesome is that?
I am fractal flowering and setting up fluid office hours, and writing when I feel like writing where ever I am. And oh! I know! The garlic I planted is seeds of deliciousness for me to come. Rock on!
Yay, I love you guys somuch.
Okay! UPDATE.
I have written about Apertures 1, 2 and 3. Also Richard is really, really happy about the new one, and so now I am happy about that too.
Then I got a piece of news I didn’t want, but it meant that my List of Twelve Things shrunk to a list of Six Things, because the other six are irrelevant. I did TWO of the remaining Six, which were also the hardest ones!
I have been Avoiding The Six, and also made a list of the Missing Portals.
Ahhhh, sigh of relief. Thank you, VPAs and thank you also to the Floop. I don’t know how I would get anything done without a place to play like this.
Hi, Havi! It always feels extra-special (for me!) when you jump into the comments 🙂
Updates: Writing has been happening in all sorts of unlikely places.
Video games are the best!
Thinking about safe rooms for the guilt let do other good thinky thoughts.
More of all, please!
Silent retreat on the rest!
Havi, many warm wishes…in the sun! (Is that a phrase that can be added to fortune cookie messages?)
Alignment is a clew for me (as I sit here slouching, wondering why my back hurts).
I want harmony. To me, that means getting the V to fly in formation. Relaxed me in sweats is at the front right now. But I want to nudge Productive Upright Me to the front. She knows!
I am trusting more (what I want to eat) and yet see how radical extreme trust would be useful (in committing to what is important enough to do). Hmmm.
Kaari, a palindrome I learned at Rally!: Subaru Durabus.