Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

If X is possible, then…?

The situation. And background.

I had an astonishing and kind of scary realization the other week, while doing some stone skipping.

I discovered, suddenly and unexpectedly, that nearly everything I dearly wished for last year and two years ago has come truer. Truer! Except for in one very important area, where things have not only not come into fruition but the situation has actually gotten worse. Which is interesting.

But. So many big, impossible-seeming wishes have come true. Things I did not think were doable in any way, are here and part of my daily life. I came up with twenty things I was sure were way out of reach, and they have all happened.

So…? Implications?

Right now they’re all slighly colored by emotional reaction:

1. Waaaaaaah maybe the stuff I want now that seems impossible is going to happen too, and this is scary/exciting!
2. Ugh maybe then I’ll just be gloomy about something else. Because look at right now: all these amazing things have happened, and I am still super-fixated on this one area that is Extremely Not Working. Admittedly, it is a big Maslow’s hierarchy-of-needs kind of thing. But still.
3. Hmmm, so maybe that is what has to change now. Maybe on THIS level of the video game, I learn how to focus on what is working. But wait, what about this other thing…?!

What else do I know about this?

I am in a loop. The realization that these other things have all come into reality is kind of blowing my mind, and then I keep cycling around.

The hopeful part is: 1) What I want is possible. 2) Things Can Change. 3) Something that seems impossible or far off can come into being!!

The less hopeful part is: Man, this one very important area is really problematic.

And also: man, what if (Ludicrous Fear Popcorn and monster-fears here) I am just incapable of being content? What if two years from now the [problem thing] is fine but I’m just focusing on some other Not Fine, and maybe that’s my real problem?

What I want.

To REJOICE over hopefulness and possibility.

To take beautiful deep breaths of APPRECIATION and gratitude for all that has come to pass, for all the hard work I did in processing and playing to be able to be comfortable with these changes, to be the person who can live these changes.

To TRUST that if X is possible, then Y and Z are also possible.

Or some aspects or qualities of Y and Z.

To enjoy.

To lovingly move my focus and attention to [this one particular area] to learn more about why this particular part is so painful for me. I might need a proxy for this.

The qualities inside of the wants:

Possibility. Trust. Presence. Ease. Steadiness. Delight. Comfort. Sweetness.

And the superpowers of finding hidden openings and loving the hallway.

What might help?

Being a detective.

Going on a mission.

Talking to slightly-future-me.

Anything else?

I can skip some stones.

What I want.

Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.

• I’ll ask her!
• Why not make it twice as long? I mean: WHY NOT.
• Parade please!
• Recovery is smooth and easy.
• Operation 888 is more fun than I think.
• Set-up for Wall Of Squoosh.
• It’s like Amsterdam but it’s not.
• Time to myself.
• Yoga comes first.

The qualities inside of the wants:

I’m staying with the same compass I’ve been using lately:

Ease. Sustenance. Prosperity. Contentment. Plenty. Appreciation. Receptivity. Peace.

And the superpower of there is secret nourishment right here and I can feel it.

I’m playing with…

Trusting my instinct. Time for me. Mapping and napping.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week, aka Bond In Bend.

Hmmm. I wanted to enjoy Bend, have fun and let the mission be pleasurable, and that didn’t really happen.

However, I learned a lot from the mission. A lot. And I’m glad I went, even though this is not something I would do again.

And also it was funny that the two main streets in Bend are Bond and Wall, and I was there as Agent Bond working on Operation Wall. Neat coincidence.

The main thing I learned is that when I don’t take time for myself, everything falls apart. And I need to do this sooner than I think. So this is my prize. And also I am giving myself a palpable, tangible, real-life gift to remind me of this. Holding it in the palm of my hand.

Ha! I forgot I asked for time with Meirav, and I ended up getting more time with Meirav than I have since 1997! Mind: blown.

Silent retreat on the rest for now!

Playing. Shelter for the comments.

What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.

I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.

We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.

This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.

That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!

As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.

xox