Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
♡
What do I want?
Operation Gonna Gotta is secret agent code* for Tango Tango, which is secret agent code for Trust and Treasure, and also not code at all: I want to learn Argentine tango.
What do I know so far?
- I have enormous amounts of Stuff and Monsters about learning tango, mostly because I’m convinced I’m going to love it, and my dance obsession is expensive enough as it is. Tango requires totally different dance shoes and private lessons, among other things.
- The time to learn it is now, because Richard Powers (swoooooon!) is coming to Portland in a couple weeks and I signed up for his workshop and it includes social tango, and I don’t want to show up without having done it at least a couple times.
- This is going to require lots and lots of code.
What else am I noticing?
I have resources.
I can talk to Agent Anna. I can get a private lesson from Rachel or Eric.
There are so many places in Portland to practice.
Even with all the [Upcoming Travel], I can still fit in four or five practices before my workshop.
So really this is (as always) about my fears, perceptions, worries and doubts. My stuff. Not about the reality at hand.
This is about identity and about going through a door that kind of scares me, in part because I know that on the other side of that door are big, passionate feelings. No wonder I have been scooting past the door and pretending it wasn’t there.
What else do I know about this?
Bond Girl is 100% for this mission. Tango is a skill that all secret agents should have.
So it opens up options. I love options. Possibilities are the best, whether I use them or not.
And sometime I’m at west coast swing and I’m not into the music. So in that case I can just walk upstairs and join the alternative tango group.
[Monsters: But-but-but outsider complex!]
What do I really want?
Options. Possibilities. Ease.
All the good things.
That’s practically halfway to a compass! Let’s make a compass. It will be the Compass Of All The Good Things.
Who knows, maybe sometime when I’m feeling brave I will also seed “All The Good Things” at one of the compass points.
Options. Possibilities. Ease. Pleasure. Freedom. Spaciousness. Play. Delight.
I am feeling so good about the quality of this month from the calendar — Delight — with the superpower of “Or Maybe Something Even Better Will Happen”, so good for me right now.
What else do I know about my wish?
Nothing is wrong.
Even I don’t do anything with this wish/mission, I’ll still be fine at the workshop. The important thing is really just noticing what’s happening with my relationship with this door.
Whatever I do to engage with the door is right, whether I walk through it or not. Walking past the door and saying, “oh there’s that door I have feelings about” is a legitimate practice too.
I can leave a sticky note on the door with a heart. I can put my ear up to the door and listen.
I can give myself permission to have a complex relationship with this door and I don’t need to know why.
Dance for me is very tied up in lots of identity things. Dancer me and Writer me are twins. It makes sense that this feels vulnerable and scary. However I go about this is fine. Safety first.
Anything else? Starting points?
Keep connecting to Incoming me. Skip stones as often as possible. Writing and Righting. Xs and Ys. Dance. Red lipstick. Eight breaths. My body gets the deciding vote. Thank you in advance.
Are you in or near Portland? Do you know people in or near Portland?
Uwe and Colleen, two of the most amazing dance teachers I know, will be teaching a two hour workshop at my ballroom on Saturday, May 31, from 2-4pm. They never do intro workshops, and this is an amazing opportunity.
It’s social waltz which does not sound like a sexy dance, but actually it is one of the best ways ever to learn partnering and connection, which is what makes you a really good dancer.
Plus, Portland has a huge social waltz community (it’s the nicest and most welcoming of any dance community I’ve ever encountered), which means that once you’ve done this, there’s something fun you could go to every night of the week and feel at home there.
If you don’t have dance experience, this is a great way to learn. And if you do, this will make you a way better dancer at all dances. And if you are interested in teaching (dance or anything else), come just to watch how they magically make this practice accessible. They are probably the best explainers I’ve ever met.
Please help me spread the word! I want as many people as possible to benefit from their teaching, and filling the ballroom with dance is my big dream.
What else do I want?
- Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere.
- I go out dancing at the ballroom.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it. There are resources to do this.
- Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
- Hawaii. What if Hawaii is not in Hawaii.
- I am fearless and confident. I do the brave things and it is not even a big deal, and I still get sparklepoints, yay.
- This week’s ops: Going In. And: More recovery.
Clues?
Inverting the colors.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka Notes and love letters…
Ohmygod, last week’s wish was so helpful! I have a much better sense of all my ops and missions.
I made big, crazy progress on a number of them. Operation Detwah is happening! Operation Sexy Waltz is happening! Operation Cape Egrets is happening! Everything is easier when I have love letters. I want to keep doing this.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I wish to whisper a whisper about the Monster Manual! It comes paired with the world’s best coloring book, which does so much monster-dissolving magic that even if you wait to try the techniques, you’ll still feel better about everything.
Self-fluency is hard enough, we need ways to to interact with the thoughts-fear-worry-criticism that shuts down creative exploring. And when people get the manual, I am able to me spend more time writing here. So if you don’t need help with monsters, get one for a friend. Or plant a wish that someone gets it for you! And bring people you like to hang out here. The more of us working on our stuff, the better for all of us. ♡
Keep me company?
Consider this an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads. In any size/form you like, there’s no right way. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.
Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play.
Let’s throw things in the pot! And: Amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.
xox
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What Do I Wish? I wish to ease my way out of the things that make me comfortably numb – yoga pants when I get home, too much FB and general internetting, peering my eyes onto other people’s papers – and into things that might squeeze me uncomfortably at first but will actually guide and flow me more powerfully to where I really want to go. Pants that send a signal that says “enough, please.” Lack of connection that says “leave the house and go to the city.” A look at my own life that says “is this the future you wanted to be living?” A piercing loneliness that says “get out and be around your people.” A boredom that says “transcribe old papers or write new ones.”
And:
A resolution to the office mystery.
An approval for Operation: A Robed Tinctures.
Fun and comfort at the Gala, and remembering not to wear the shirt that makes me hot and uncomfortable.
Such beautiful wishes!
BIG thanks for the love-letter caper–completely helpful. Returning to iguanas is 50% easier now. And also for the permission and amnsty i felt about you cancelling Sea Sky Play, because i was like, wow i get to evaluate my missions and pick the ones that will succeed. VERY important clue for SecretAgent Me.
wish 1: Operation 3Rs. I want this soooo bad. I want exactly this: to go, at the right time, and have it be a secret agent caper, where i travel alone but meet friends old and new, have adventures but remain safe all the time, that i am present with the Project at Hand and do not distracted by friendly dogs, that i keep true to whatever i need to stay true to, and i have More Fun Than expected, and this be a caper about Sovereignty, Play, Flow and magick. And I want to be able to afford what i can afford.
i’d be on this already if not for a variety of Moving Parts that do not have to do with me at all. So I need easeful scheduling and right timing and everything is okay okay okay.
I commit to: humming for this! staying positive. squirreling away some funds fr this. making a budget. askign Ochun.
other things i’d like:
-an end to my illness
-more Guidance on things and stuff
-good outcomes at work
-good outcomes for aaron
-happy healthy kids
-a breakfast in bed tray table. where?????
-progrss on any of of 10 million things
-espcially writing
i commit to: Praxis, breathing, compassing and squishing, moving, being engaged.
What do I want? Some marketing mojo.
Qualities: Clarity. Confidence. Connection. Flow. Plenty. Grace. Love. Creativity.
I’m playing with: Living out loud. (Huh. That just bubbled to the surface. I wasn’t expecting it, but I think I’ll see where it takes me this week.)
Sending beautiful wishes for everyone’s beautiful wishes!
This week we are getting a bookcase delivered; also I am going on a road trip/automobile extravaganza/hen night expedition that is going to be like something out of Jack Kerouac.
I am worried that the bus will break down and my brother will be stressed; I am worried that I will have drifted away from my friends of years ago and will hate their new friends.
It could be ridiculously fun. I wish for it to be ridiculously fun. I am pretty sure it will be.
This week I want: trust; commitment; adventure; preparation; order; care; love; and courage.
Ooooh, I am excited for your Operation Gonna Gotta. And I would like to have what you are having in this department, because YEAH! Bond Girl AND her spygirl counterparts oh course would need to be able to execute these moves. They are LIFESAVING MOVES.
First, a report on last week’s wishes:
I wanted a firm force field and the situations where I thought it would be most needed didn’t even come up!
I wished for a good visit with my mother and that happened. My sister brought her up to see me. She looks good for her age (85) and was lively and funny.
I wished for what is mine to return to me. Some things did: the spiral notebook, and some small things that I wasn’t even looking for that found their way back to me. I also noticed that some things are not in their place. So I’m going to ask this one again: What is Mine Returns to Me.
I asked for things that make me feel all Mmmmmm. I got some. Re-asking that one too.
This week I want a new form of EASE: Energy, Action, Spaciousness, Enjoyment.
I want HEFT.
I want to reactivate Cabo Bojador.
Such beautiful wishes! Mine and everyone else’s!
What beautiful wishes!
For me right now, there is so much stuckness — and I’m finding clues about it:
Stuck 1: Kitty possibly has UTI
Stuck 2: My own release system is delayed
Stuck 3: His gum that was resting on the coffee table got stuck on my pants and the couch.
Those clues all point to:
Stuck 4: Relationship patterns.
Stuck 5: Work I don’t enjoy.
Stuck 6: So many responsibilities.
Stuck 7: Communication
Stuck 8: Being in other people’s business.
Ugh.
So. The wish is for movement. And lots of it.
Also: Loose. Free. Play. Open. Flowing. Trust.
Ways this can look:
– Taking effective action to relieve stuckness: Go to vet for kitty, do a salt flush for me, clean up the gum
– Move the body more: go for walks, do some stretches
– Keep studying in my course. This loosens me up around my work stuckness.
– When I get tangled up, tango on with my communication and relationship stuckness.
Movement. Movement. Movement.
Action. Next Steps. One small step. One thing at a time. Do what’s in front of me. Forward. Progress.
My beautiful wish.
MAY IT BE SO. <3
Here is our Want We Quit Wanting because It’s Impossible and Hurts Too Much to Keep Wanting. It’s an earth-sheltered house on our lot replacing the 1947 post-war house that we are repairing as we can.
Qualities: Home, self-sufficiency, using just enough
Continuing Wants:
A job for The Dude. Qualities: Security, Sufficiency, Requirements
Wanted this week:
That Nikola Tesla (I believe he was a detective in a short story) keep the Case of Nerves (it started out as a packing crate a yard square full of humming, vibrating, shiny wires) as small as possible, if not gone. Right now it is about the size of a milk carton.
Security for dealing with a Dread Thing.
Thank you for the perspective! I am using it on the Things I Am Dreading, But They are Not Yet because Now is not Then seems to have settled down, but The Horrible Future keeps Looming.
Also, there is movement on the Dude’s job front, which I need to place in correct perspective with The Wolf at the Door and the Horrible Future.
Last Ad:
Just saying the two big wishes made them come true.
—> Just saying the two big wishes made them come true.<------- No way! THAT IS SO GREAT!
Yes, I wished to popularize the use of a word and the Dvorak simplified keyboard. And I did to the Fluent Self blog. Which reached more people at once than the one-on-one I have managed before. What a beautiful weird wishing-thingy!