I loved the movie Memento, even though it was extremely not HSP-friendly.
And, interestingly, I also loved Fifty First Dates, even though “romantic comedy with Adam Sandler” does not sound like something I’d even agree to watch.
And I loved-loved-loved the short-lived and extremely brilliant television series called My Own Worst Enemy, about which I have no caveats at all. Watch it. It’s beautiful, intelligent, fascinating and completely mad.
All of these have one thing in common. Drew Barrymore! No. Kidding. Never mind. We’ll try again.
All of these have one thing in common. People who have forgotten essential things about themselves or important pieces of information.
And they don’t need to be reminded once, but over and over and over again.
Reminders and reminders.
There are so many things that I know and have forgotten. So many things that I seem to learn and re-learn a million times over.
And even without the MacGuffin of unlikely forms of amnesia or other complexity-ridden plot devices, the reminders need to be everywhere.
My favorite part in all these films/series is how the aware-self leaves messages and plants reminders for the unaware-self.
“You’ll need to hand the briefcase to the man in the cream-colored suit. Don’t talk about this to X.”
Or even: “You don’t like cranberries.”
Cryptic little messages. From me to me.
So yes. I already have the Book of Me, where I collect pieces of useful information.
And I have the Revue Anthology, where I track how things go. And the Hello, Day ritual for thinking about where I’m headed.
But sometimes I just want that quick piece of truth. That reminder from the me who knows.
So I’m leaving myself reminders. Not in the form of tattoos. And not in phone messages or video.
Just post-it notes for now. On my calendar. In my bag. Hidden at the Playground.
Like this.
Are you raging against everyone and everything in the entire world?
Hey. Are you feeling furious? Helpless?
Check the calendar. I guarantee this is hormonal. Don’t worry. It will pass, my love. None of this hate and despair is real. It just feels real.
It is temporary and it does not need to define you.
In the meantime, avoid people. Do not respond to things waiting for responses.
Create safe rooms and go hide. Go take care of yourself.
Do your clothes all look terrible on you?
See above.
Sometimes you will buy something small like socks and start feeling anxious and panicked.
This is Poverty PTSD.
It is another pattern that you aren’t done with yet. But you’re working on it.
In the meantime, know that you are safe. You have a successful business and everything is fine. It just doesn’t feel fine in your body yet.
Poverty PTSD is not you. It is only a part of you. It is not the entirety of your identity, even when it feels like it.
This is old trauma, and it’s really painful and you are allowed to grieve for as long as the grieving is needed.
You do not like having people stand behind you.
So don’t let them.
Sometimes you have nightmares.
It’s okay.
Here’s what helps. Listen to the recordings from the emergency calming techniques. Write lists. Take a bath. Write words on your body. Drink tea. Read your reminders.
Lovingly question everything.
All the stories and all the things you think you know. Be the interviewer and the negotiator.
Do Shiva Nata to untangle the old patterns and bring in the new ones.
Safety first.
Always.
You like the color brown.
You just do. Find a deep, rich brown and everything will be better.
And comment zen for today…
You are welcome to join me in leaving cryptic little notes and reminders for yourself, here in the comments or in your home or wherever feels comfortable.
As always, we tread gently because we all have our stuff and we’re all working on our stuff.
As part of this thing that is maintaining a curious, loving relationship with ourselves, we let other people have their own stuff and we don’t give each other unsolicited advice.
That is all. Cryptic notes! Drew Barrymore!
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Post It 1: Bad mood amnesty in times of backpain.
Post It 2: Little loving text messages.
Post It 3: My back doesn’t like it if I sleep on my stomach.
Post It 4: No canteen coffee.
Post It 5: Always a stock of Schuessler Salts No. 3
Post It 6: Cancel if I feel like cancelling.
Post It 7: Salt/olive oil body peeling and a face mask can make me feel so much better.
And now I am withdrawing to my safe room for the rest of day. Thanks for the post.
#1 Hear my inner voice. And BELIEVE her. She is wise and she is loving and most of the time, she is absolutely right.
#2 Do it my way. Stop concentrating on other’s expectations. It will be good when it will be done in my way. This has often been prooved.
#3 One year from now, I will see that all this crazy stuff of the last week has some deeper sense. Really. Just trust.
Thanks for all the wonderful and inspiring posts. Thanks a lot.
1. Totally stolen from Scott Stratten of Unmarketing, but: “You are not the jackass whisperer”; i.e., I don’t have to spend time educating/convincing people who just don’t get it of whatever it is they don’t get.
2. Go to the gym. Really. You’ll feel better.
3. You’re craving the comfort associated with Ho-Hos/Tostitos/Goldfish crackers/Kraft Mac & Cheese, not the food itself.
4. Don’t try to run errands around the time the schools let out.
5. Buy the nicer one.
Oh Havi, you so help me love myself.
I’m struck by the intimacy of this. Like a lover showing his love by gently reminding you of neglected parts of yourself or forgotten things about yourself. Except *you* get to love you this much!
1. I love you sweetie! Give yourself a hug!
2. How do you feel right now sweetie? Do you need some food or sleep?
3. Is it time for bed my love? Take a minute to help you decide.
4. Even though it feels like it – you’re going to outgrow that anxiety sweetie. I promise you – you’ll see!
Be. Here. Now.
Stop.
Be here. Where are you? What can you see? Ground yourself.
How are you?
What is happening? Around you? Inside you?
Okay. Stop. It’s okay.
Be here, NOW.
What needs to happen now? What resources have you got to hand, right now?
Listen. Breathe.
It’s okay. You got caught in a whirlpool of thoughts, memories, anxieties. Just perceptions created by little electrical impulses. It’s okay.
“The riptide of emotions”. It’s normal. It’s fine. It’s human. You are allowed to be human.
You will get through this. It will pass. It will NOT consume you.
Breathe. Let go. Surrender.
Let it pass.
Just be. Here. For a moment.
What needs to happen now?
hey kim,
feeling bitchy, angry, helpless and on the verge of tears? listen closely: it’s your hormones. yes. again. it’s always been this way. trust me.
hey kim, this is kim in mexico (at mom’s house), are you stressing about what to pack to come to MX? silly silly girl! first, whatever you pack will be fine. just remember that you usually pack too much and then you resent having to haul it around. you can totally do it, but you will resent it later. and that is no fun.
kim in mexico again — but you should remember your handy fake tanning cream. remember when you forgot it and it was like the end of the world??!! this is because you are scary white and you don’t tan. you go from scary white to bright red to scary white again. and it’s not that pretty porcelain white skin that you admire, it’s your freckly-ish white skin that you like to camoflage. yes, they have fake tan stuff here in mexico, but it’s usually not the right color. just bring your own stuff.
hey kim, are you putting off going to the grocery store again? is it becoming a problem? here’s the thing: it’s never as bad as you think it will be. seriously. just go and get it over with. treat yourself to a frapuccino or something, but just do it.
oh! i love sending notes to me.
Cathy:
You can be more organized than you are. It’s just never going to look the way you think it should.
You’ll feel better if you do one small thing.
Sleep. (That’s not the small thing, but it doesn’t hurt.)
@Lori: “you are not the jackass whisperer” = golden
I am in that phase where I am having so many ideas I don’t know what to do with myself. And I’ll never remember them all later – I will have pieces of ideas taunting me.
So I am off to get as much down as possible.
Poverty PTSD! Havi, that is so helpful! I’ve got a Poverty Monster but maybe it’s really Poverty PTSD that rears up its head. Thank you.
kim: those messages from your slightly future self are brilliant. I need to do that! There’s a family wedding in July and I’m already obsessing about it. Messages from the Me who has already been to the wedding could be just what I need.
Notes to self:
When you feel anxious, Vicki, ground yourself. Where are you now? Now is not Then.
Vicki, remember to reward yourself. You earned it. You deserve good things.
Vicki, you are smart and you are beautiful and you are a lot of fun.
Go to your studio, Vicki, and make stuff. Go out and have fun. Play!
Dear Vicki. You’ve overcome some huge challenges. You deserve a rest. And then those mountains will be easier to overcome.
Vicki, when you’re hungry and tired, everything seems harder. Rest, sleep, eat.
When you keep records, it proves your point. Remember M’s health management and how the medical people changed their tune when they saw his detailed records of sodium and potassium and insulin and blood pressure. Keep your sleep log and your meds log because they’ll see what you see and believe you when you tell them what you need.
Rest seems to be my theme today. I think I’ll post little notes that say “rest” and “take a nap”.
The messages everyone has posted for themselves are wonderful — like advice that I need to give myself.
Since I LOVE LOVE LOVE both those movies (and for a very similar reason, Kill Bill) I am going to take you up on the TV series, which I hadn’t heard of, but just Wiki’d and it looked good! Thanks for the recommendation!
I’m totally stealing the hormonal post it notes, too, although my severe PMDD seems to be getting better each month, weirdly, because of another post-it I could use: do Katysays.com’s squats and stretches every day! (I didn’t expect that to work that way, but I also have less cramps). Or maybe it’s the St John’s Wort. Or extra vit D.
my other notes du jour:
Write down four things and do them.
(This one’s embarrassing and recent and hopefully short term that I need to remind myself): brush your teeth before noon!
Fold the clean laundry now, it’s way easier. Also, reward yourself with some cool music on headphones.
Speaking of cool music, do that more often. And dance around (I’ve been doing that, up til getting sick last week, so after I get better, I’ll need this note to keep doing it!)
Poverty PTSD, I never considered it but I think we’re onto something.
Hey, Kat:
If it isn’t hormonal, it’s probably sleep deprivation. Sometimes it’s both.
Take a different route home. It’ll wake you up, make everything feel new and filled with fresh possibilities.
That radio station you used to love to listen to in your car, before you moved away from their area? The one that played all the really interesting music you hadn’t heard before, that made you feel alive and inspired? They’re online too, you know. I know you spend a lot of time in your car, but you spend a lot of time at your computer, too. Just saying.
Before you get out of bed, stretch. Oh, yeah. That’s nice.
Many people love you.
Ah I like! I want to play! ^_^ I have been doing lots of talking to myself and my monsters lately, so this is wondrous timing! (as was the last post! thankyou Havi! >hugs of awesomesends many self-snugs<
Most importantly, fresh air is lovely! Remember how much it makes the tired and the ow seem easier to deal with <3
Havi,
I love this post (not that a huge majority of your posts aren’t amahzing) but this one really struck today.
I think because remembering is so entwined with learning, we (ahem, I) feel stupid when we don’t learn(remember) the things that support us. Then it’s easy to lose energy around taking care of oneself (myself).
So the loving approach to reminding: all the methods and ideas for being the kind , gentle and safety-giving mommy that no real mommy could ever be at that level, is so beautiful. It recognizes the conditions needed for authentic learning. It says yes to being flawed, human and continually on a learning curve.
Exhale………..
my sticky notes say:
yoga, breathe, wheat doesn’t work, sleep, permission to be angry, permission to be sad, permission to say no, permission to make big mistakes, no one is allowed to hurt me.
Cryptic message @Drew Barrymore
I enjoyed your performance in E.T. 🙂
Cryptic message @Adam Sandler
I do not find you funny. You do not make me LOL. Sorry Adam Sandler. 🙁
Cryptic message @Lori Paximadis:
“You are not the jackass whisperer”
That has got to be the funniest thing I have read in a long time and totally made my day.
Thank you!
I have got to remember that myself, and give myself the grace when I am the jackass every so often.
Cryptic message @Mone
“#2 Do it my way. Stop concentrating on other’s expectations. It will be good when it will be done in my way. This has often been prooved.”
Yes! Yes! Yes!
I agree with you, and struggle with this everyday. When stumbling along the journey of my life, I find things work way better when I follow my own intuition. But the expectations and disapproval of others is hard, especially when they are people I respect, whose opinions mean a lot to me, whose respect I seek.
—————————-
Cryptic message @Havi
When I read this post, I immediately thought of a post by Steven Pressfield I’d read long ago.
On his blog, Steven Pressfield asks, “Why do we love amnesia stories?”
What is it about Jason Bourne stumbling through an overly baroque plot of political murder and intrigue that fascinates us enough to part with our hard earned cash and sit in a cavernous theater?
No, it is not its relevance to current events.
No, it is not the inferior popcorn with artificial “butter”
No, it is not Drew Barrymore.
🙂
“Because we sense, at some level, that they’re the secret narrative of our lives. We’re searching for ourselves too.”
I don’t think I can say it any more beautifully than Mr. Pressfield does in his post, and I do think it is one of his best posts well worth reading in its entirety, so if you are interested:
http://www.stevenpressfield.com/2010/11/the-amnesiacs-story-3/
———————
Cryptic messages @myself:
1. Live life as a work of art
2. My happiness and satisfaction with life is a non-negotiable requirement; everything else I do must work backwards from this conviction. -Cal Newport
3. Sapere Aude!
Dare to know! Dare to question! Dare to rebel!
4. Memento Mori.
As I get older, I know this one more everyday, and everyday I learn it anew.
Memento mori.
In this light, how do I feel about what I am about to do today?
5. It is precisely the faults that make one human, and thus lovable
To name the faults and to love them precisely because of those faults, that raises the literary man to the level of creative poet
6. Vincit qui se vincit. For I am my own best friend: for I am my own worst enemy.
7. Man errs as long as he will strive. If I am not erring, I am not striving hard enough.
8. Audentes Fortuna iuvat. As I live my life, I am finding the value of acting from courage in spite of fear. Things often work out better than acting (or rather not acting) from timidity. Perhaps the Goddess Fortuna truly does favor the bold.
9. “You shall become him who you are.” I can only be me and no other; to try to conform to an outside ideal is a sin against my own nature, and results only in a weakening of the heart and soul.
10. Say a sacred Yes to life and affirm it, not Stoicly, but with joy and laughter; find joy even in the darkest places
“you have the capability; you are an actress; put on your costume and feel the power it symbolises.”
– leaves this on the wall just by my bedroom door –
I like this. I need these a lot I think.
Hey Mel!
1) If you feel sick DO NOT GO TO WORK stay home and get better because you’ll just screw everything up at work anyway. (somehow I remember this one when I’m healthy, but not when I’m sick…)
2) You cannot only work on your blog for 5 minutes. This is impossible for you. So, do not try to do this before leaving for the bus in the morning. You will get all caught up in it and wind up running for the bus.
3) Do things the night before. Seriously… I’ll do it in the morning just doesn’t work.
Hot chocolate helps.
Drink more water, you just need to; no, there is no such thing as too much, being greedy or hogging it. Drink.
My left elbow has a calm place. Or is a calm space. Both.
Even Hubby buys your confidence act. And is ok when you can’t act it too.
Perusing Fluent Self is not a waste of time, no it would not be spent better chasing dust, where else do you find gems and jewels like the ‘Jackass Whisperer’ club.
“You are not the jackass whisperer.”
Boy howdy, that’s awesome. Thanks for bringing that piece of truth and humor into my morning, Lori! Now off to look up Scott Stratten …
One of the things I love about this blog, Havi, is that the comments are often as juicy as the content. It’s a real testament to the culture you’ve created here.