If you’re only going to read one permission slip today — But why would you do that? Read all the permission slips! It’s fun! — I would go with this one.
I wrote this for myself. But you can have some too.
That is the magic of permission. There is absolutely no way that you could possibly diminish my supply of it by desiring permission for yourself as well. It is an infinite source.
Permission to take time.
Specifically:
Permission to take my time in any situation I need to take more time in, without having to know why or how much, without the taking of time being perceived in any way as negative.
If, for example, I need to pace around the room thinking thoughts and more thoughts before I sit down to do [X], that is allowed.
Yes, even if it takes 45 minutes. Even if it doesn’t feel like entry, guess what, it can also be entry.
If I can’t write copy for a thing until I can again, that taking of the time is ALLOWED and even good. Take it!
If I know a thing needs to end but I don’t yet have words to put the ending in place, I can take my time and wait for the words instead of thinking I’m a horrible person for not ending it the minute I realized it needed to end.
That is okay.
If I thought I needed four days to quiet my mind and reach a decision but actually I need more, then I need more. More time can be taken! Monsters who think that this time is endless are wrong, and they can consult the records on that account.
And this as well!
Guess what?
If I have passed all personally-imposed deadlines on a thing that is important, then those were not the right deadlines.
Clearly I need more time and that more-time is a big deal, so I can have that time to figure out what is useful about taking the extra time. There is time. There is something in there and I am allowed to want more time to find it.
PERMISSION TO TAKE MY TIME AND TO TAKE MORE TIME!
I feel strongly about this.
And if I could put it all on a popsicle stick, I would.
But: permission. And more permission.
The commenting blanket fort and how it works!
But first: a story. I wrote this permission slip for myself two weeks ago. Not really believing it 100% but wanting to so badly.
And I want to tell you guys that me-from-two-weeks-ago was right about everything. Everything.
If you would like to play, here are things that are welcome. You could invent your own permission slips, you could leave smiles or things that were sparked for you, you could rejoice in all the rejoicings, you can go on silent retreat!
The one thing we don’t do is tell other people how to be, feel or think. And the one thing we always do is take responsibility for our stuff when it comes up.
Love, as always, to the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.
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I was just thinking about time and how my monsters are lacking in patience today, and then you wrote the exact permission slip I needed! Awesome! 🙂
Yes! This.
“Permission to take my time in any situation I need to take more time in, without having to know why or how much, without the taking of time being perceived in any way as negative.”
Smile 🙂
Thank you so much for this permission-slip-on-a-popsicle-stick today, Havi.
Ha. Was just browsing your archives yesterday and wrote on a big piece of paper, “There is time!”
Synchronicity!
Thankful for your wisdom Ms. Havi. Thankful thankful.
O my, this is just what I needed to read right now. And having permission to take time is something that’s been burbling away in my mind over the last couple of days because apparently I have a monster (or two!) who think it is OUTRAGEOUS to not do things as quickly as humanely possible. And ideally I should be aiming for just a bit faster than that. 😉
I have permission to take my time. Yes.
Word.
I’m remembering the wisdom of one of my colleagues at church, during budget discussions: “There are no unrealistic goals, just unrealistic timelines.”
Mmmm. My favorite part: “If I have passed all personally-imposed deadlines on a thing that is important, then those were not the right deadlines.”
That is kind of blowing my mind.
xo
I love this. I’m going to write up a whole bunch of permission slips for myself. One of which is rest when I need to.
I really like this post, particularly, “If I have passed all personally-imposed deadlines on a thing that is important, then those were not the right deadlines.”
How often do we misjudge how long things will take us to do? All. the. time. So why beat ourselves up for misjudging? It’s like the scientific method. You try to do something in an allotted time, it takes longer, so next time you know to allot more time. Of course, maybe next time you’ll be better at it and do it faster. It’s a process just like everything else. 🙂
Smiles!!!! Of GLEEEE. because I think this is so important.
This—–> ‘If I can’t [do the thing] until I can again, then taking that time is ALLOWED and useful.’
Love the truth and spaciousness of this. Because we cannot do better than what our skills, resources and capacity allow us to do, in THAT moment, in THAT space.
Hello yoga mat!!! What sort of [triangle] am I capable of today? How can I play with my grounding/ energy/ alignment/ effort/ ease/ equanimity to find my best/ truest/ clearest/ zingiest/ presentest expression of [triangle]? Oh, THAT’S the sort of [triangle] I am capable of today. Hello delight/ broken heart/ frustration/ hummy happiness/ MY STUFF’.
If I have everything that I require to [do the thing] but I cannot find [the motivation], then I have permission NOT to [do the thing] but try to learn more about [my motivation].
Motivation is a RESOURCE! Energy is part of my CAPACITY! Dammit.
Beating ourselves up for not [doing the thing] is just violent and NOT HELPFUL.
I feel strongly about this!
Thanks, Havi!
I hereby grant myself permission to plan and pack for the beach trip earlier than the very last minute!
All monsters shouting “wait, you won’t do it properly unless you have the last-minute pressure,” and
“wait, wouldn’t you rather [delaying tactic],” are reminded that I already started today, with a week to go, and “properly” wasn’t even an issue _because_ I started early! Plus I could take breaks because I started early! Yay!
You guys are hereby authorized to go to the Monster Bar and mutter amongst yourselves while having beer and cupcakes and naps. Yes! I’ll get back to you, I promise, when we do the “don’t forget anything” checklist, which we are also going to start early!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Thank you!
Yes, thank you for the reminder. I particularly love Claire P’s comment: “Because we cannot do better than what our skills, resources and capacity allow us to do, in THAT moment, in THAT space.”
I’m also thinking about giving time, as in giving [the thing] time. I take my time and I give IT time and what happens will happen when it is supposed to.
Aaahhhh! Spaciousness!
heart sighs!
I have been in an a Panic! about time today, becaue i was Not Writing. so loaded with stuff! so much stuck! so little spaciousness.
i give myself permission to be gentle, and not write, with amnesty.
this post is great for today!
Writing it in the way that I hope it sinks in over the next 2 (or whatever) weeks.
Permission to take as much time as needed with project BP. As much time with each of the sub-projects of DF. Permission to floop and floop some more. Permission to draw and paint and simmer.
So much simmering.
Permission to want to be in the garden all the time, and listen ‘at last i see the light’ from Tangled!
Thank you. We live 50 minutes from the fires. Panic is contagious. I needed to read this today. Me and my family played yesterday. We have done the “shoulds”for prep. So my hubby said, “time to play.” It was a little hard not to let the guilt trips sting because we played. But, panic is not something we wanted. It never helps me. Though, it sneaks up on me and is freely obtained but costly to my health. I want to help others in any way I can. I needed to hear the comments “not expecting others to feel, be, or think a certain way. I am responsible for me.” Thank you. We are reading positive things like this. Many thanks for this post.
Oh oh oh I love this so much and it’s timing is so perfect because I have this giant huge-ass 900-foot-high thing that I am taking Silent Retreat on everywhere I go and I’m gonna keep doing that until I don’t no matter HOW LONG it takes.
So thank you for the added permission and you know what else? Not only does permission shared not reduce the permission I think it magically expands.
Goody!
Oh, Havi! This is *precisely* the permission slip I have needed for months. Years, really. It is so apropos and perfect that I want to hand-letter the words with sparkly gold ink onto the prettiest paper I can find, then have it framed (or laminated! Ew!) so I can whisk it out whenever monsters and Well-Meaning-Nosy-Folks show up.
Them: “Oh! You’re still working on that? Because last time I talked to you, you’d said you were aiming for July.”
Me: “Yup! Good thing I have this shiny permission slip to take more time, because that was a way better idea, as it turns out.”
Them: *Dazzled past the point of speech at the sheer brilliance of the permission slip.”
Me: “Ah! Sweet silence. Back to my date with more time!”
So thankful for this.
Part of me really likes this and then there is another part of me that will fear some part of a project or not quite envision how it might go that gets stuck. One cure for getting un-stuck is just starting. Knowing this I will sometimes just force myself on something. Sometimes it works FABULOUSLY and sometimes NOT AT ALL. …but how to know the difference? There are definitely times I need this permission. Perhaps it is more of a kind-ness. Permission to treat myself kindly if I try to start and it doesn’t quite work out yet. …and maybe also work on telling the difference between stuck and still processing.
This is exactly what I needed to hear today.
Thank you.
Something to print for the book of me. I seem to always be pushing against how long it can take me to do something. Magically enough, when I really have all the pieces in place, and all the pieces in my thinking in place, it happens.
Time and Space for things to grow, without forcing.
I love this permission slip to take more time. In fact I love the whole permission slip idea. Taking the time I need for whatever it is, is something I definitely don’t do. I rush from thing to thing and always feel as if I’m running behind even when I’m not. My husband has coined this my “sense of urgency” I’m consciously trying to ease up on it and I think this permission slip idea just might help. I think I’m going to have to brainstorm a few more of these for myself too. Thanks for the support and creative inspiration.
I just want to cry. Happy tears that is. I’ve been away from your universe for so long now, it feels like coming home.
I need that permission slip for myself, and i’m making it mine.
I’ll take whatever time I need to figure things out. No pushing, rushing, or bullying from any of my monsters.
A huge internet hug for you Havi and all your people.
Dear future me,
You have permission to think/feel that giving myself permission is just indulgent procrastination. (Note the “crass” smack in the middle of that word.)
My monsters haven’t been giving me permission — as if I need to ask them, of all people — to be OK with activities taking longer than I allot and with having un-allotted space on the calendar. This combo is unhappiness-making. It harps on the little-box view of time.
And the need I feel to have more permission with time is just a symptom of perfectionism. (“Just” a lifelong habit? Hah.) That is, what I really need permission for is “good enough.” Yay!
Even my uptight interviewers in quiet desk chairs agree. Good enough gets you VC capital. It can certainly get me the next interview. And even lead to my radiant OOD.
Loving kindness to you!
V