Yesterday I spent the better part of the day observing harbor seals at Monterey Bay.
And then practicing being one.
Or being like one.
Observations.
It’s hard to see something as ridiculously awesome as a harbor seal without going all annoyingly National Geographic and just anthropomorphizing the hell out of it.
I observed stuff about harbor seals. Of course all of this is probably wrong, but oh well.
We were close enough to see them blink.
Close enough to hear them sneeze.
My gentleman friend.
My gentleman friend walks me to the spa.
He says, “Sweetie, go be a harbor seal. Go do nothing and go be comfortable and go give yourself the right to care about nothing but being comfortable.”
Here’s what I see when I watch harbor seals.
They’re hanging out mostly in groups, but without interacting in any visible way.*
* Actually, we kept seeing them in bunches of six, which made for inappropriate Seventh Seal jokes that totally would not stop being funny.
If you are a seal, your job apparently boils down to this:
Find a comfy rock to curl up on, roll around on the rock until you find the most comfortable position. And then stay there. For hours.
Belly up. Belly down. Wacky seal yoga pose. But once you find your rock, you’ve found your rock and that is it.
If someone else gets the rock before you, baby that’s how it is. No one fights over the rocks. You just wait and then the tide goes out and eventually there is a rock for you to nap on too.
You ignore everything, including your fellow seals. You especially ignore birds. So not interesting.
Even the pelicans who are totally eyeing your rock. Or who have claimed a rock that could easily be yours if you made a move.
Relaxed.
Seems like a good life.
Virginia.
I meet a woman named Virginia at the spa.
She goes there to get a facial whenever she can.
She says the thing about chemo is that everything is so unpleasant that the good things become really good.
Like a cookie. A cookie is really good when you’re in chemo because everything else is completely miserable.
Or a facial. A facial makes things more bearable. A really good facial is a reminder that things are good.
I like Virginia. She has a nice way about her and a this is really me smiling at you kind of smile.
Then I notice part of me feeling uncomfortable.
My monsters are making it hard to have a conversation because they think that anything I think or say will be completely insipid.
I stop. I do the harbor seal thing.
The harbor seal says ground. The harbor seal says go back to your center where the balance is. The harbor seal says find your rock. The harbor seal says movement is not really as necessary as you think it is.
The harbor seal says:
Take care of yourself first, so that you can be present for her. You can’t be present with her pain or her discomfort if you’re not aware of your own coming up.
Judgment.
Giving yourself permission to be a harbor seal is not as easy as you might think.
The first thing I think when I see them lolling about on the rocks with their casual expressions and their happy bulging bellies is this:
“Seriously, don’t they have predators? That can’t be safe. Can it?”
That was my fuzzy fear monster (the one who doesn’t like cookies, probably).
Because my fuzzy fear monster says that if I relax I’ll get hurt. Again.
The second thing I think, watching the harbor seals is GET A JOB!
And that’s another fuzzy fear monster who thinks that if I take care of myself and get enough rest and care, other people will think I’m lazy and unmotivated.
I look at my judgment and I look at the water and I look at the seals.
I ask: what happens to this judgment and fear when I am a harbor seal?
And the answer is: I don’t care.
I don’t care.
When I am a harbor seal, I don’t care about fear or judgment.
Instead I care about nap time. And comfortable rocks. And being all content and schleepy in the sun.
My monster might think I’m going to get lost in the comfortable and never find my way back, but that’s what the mediators are for.
I have a new mediator. A harbor seal who blinks at my monster and says, Dude.
Stella.
The woman giving me the tour of the spa wants to know if I am here for some sort of special occasion, and I don’t know what to say in response.
Mind freeze.
My fuzzy fear monster says I suck at the small talks.
I could say something frivolous like why yes it’s the anniversary of last Monday.
Or I could say something about my intention like this is just how I take care of my body.
But that’s not true. Not yet. As my fuzzy fear monster keeps pointing out.
So.
Instead I become a harbor seal.
I say:
“It just seemed like it would feel good.”
And then I don’t say anything else, and my fuzzy fear monsters wait to see if the world will explode.
She says, I’m Stella if you need anything.
What would a harbor seal do?
During my massage I pretend I am a harbor seal and it helps me get through the parts I don’t like.
After my massage I head to the water.
There is an empty jacuzzi on the roof, looking out over the bay.
I am a harbor seal so I find all the most comfortable spots. I am a harbor seal so I rub my back against the wall.
I am a harbor seal so I frolic when I want to frolic and space out when I want to space out.
I am a harbor seal so I just sit there and do nothing while the sailboats come in and the sky goes pink and there’s nothing but water everywhere.
Comment zen for today.
This is a safe space to work on our stuff (and the fact that we have it), and interact with monsters.
So everyone is allowed to have their stuff, and we respect each other’s right to have it. Because this is a self-proclaimed harbor seal sanctuary.
p.s. If you know crappy, horrible things about harbor seals, tell me some other time. Because right now I’m taking a nap on a rock.
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Oh, deliciousness! I am happy for you that you got to practice being a harbor seal. And happy for me that you wrote about it so lovely-ly.
Is there a more perfect model for just being? Lying on the beach and letting the sun warm your dappled fur and the water lick at you? I don’t think there is.
I am having trouble schleeping tonight, and I think now I am ready to go back to bed and be a harbor seal. To just be horizontal and do nothing and luxuriate in it.
What Amna said. I am a harbor seal, waving my flipper in agreement.
.-= Elizabeth´s last post … on wings of song =-.
I love harbour seals. Don’t they look at you with these totally lovely, kind and understanding eyes?
When I think of a power animal often either a seal or a dolphin comes to my mind. Both have this wonderful mixture of playfulness and a certain dignified, or should I say sovereign, aura.
Happy harbour seal day!
I spent the weekend feeling just ick enough that being a harbour seal sounded really good — hot baths, rereading beloved books, drinking tea and watching things off my DVR. It was delicious, and it’s good to know you got in some harbour seal time, too.
(Btw, it was very good to hear you did not hate the cards, because I was trying to ignore the fuzzy monster who was certain you would hate the cards, who is now sulking because he wants cookies and doesn’t want to be mistaken for the sort of monster who doesn’t like cookies.)
Also, happy Groundhog’s Day! I think next year I will have to get back into my habit of sending Groundhog’s Day cards. There’s something I love about a holiday dedicated to the idea of either coming out to play in the spring sunshine, or hiding away in a warm burrow until the sunshine makes its appearance for proper frolicking weather. Both excellent options!
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … Thursday Means Cartoons! =-.
When my husband and I were dating (almost 30 years ago) we watched the seals in Monterey. Totally mesemerized. (I decided they were all smiling. Adorably)
I got very attached. I called them “Al” (as in Paul Simon–“you can call me Al”) and bought a white stuffed Al whom I still have today.
(What was important to me then is that they weren’t obsessively vacillating between should we get married?should we not? like some people I knew. Ahem.)
Al is my alter ego. On my first day back from vacation I appreciate the reminder to go pull Al out and bring him into my office.
Thanks.
.-= Pearl Mattenson´s last post … 2.1.10 =-.
Oh I love this and so needed to hear this right now. I’ve never been so close to a seal that you’re eyeball to eyeball, in fact what i’m saying, an actual live seal as opposed to on the discovery channel or an old Beeb documentary. Yep that’s all kinds of wonderful and amazing. Makes me smile just thinking about the huge things lolling about quietly chilling and breathing in small groups. Nature eh? Love it!
Hugs sweetie and cups of tea for us all!
L x
.-= Leila Lloyd-Evelyn´s last post … Very Personal Ad. When things get a little rough I ask for help to unstick some stucky! =-.
Dude!
Harbour seals must be the final step of the karma reincarnation wheel thingy: just enjoying the wisdom of past lives and knowing there is nothing more important than lying on a rock and just be.
I have been swimming in Vancouver and had a harbour seal come up right in front of me – about ten feet away – and look at me with those huge, chilled out eyes for about half a minute, then disappear. I’m not sure it wasn’t actually a selkie. 🙂
And this is for you to take home with you – not seals, but sea otters, who also have a pretty relaxed attitude to life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epUk3T2Kfno
I totally do that in the summer when I go to the beach. I do the harbor seal thing until it gets uncomfortably hot and crowdy. Then, I wait for the crowds to get uncomfortably hot and I go to the beach again and do the harbor seal thing until sunset. Only, it is not a rock, it is a wonderful sandy beach.
Oh so wonderful, because I used to know a fat, black cat called Stella and she was exactly like that. She would find the comfiest spot, sleep when she wanted to, eat when she wanted to and totally say “Dude”!
I am trying to take care of myself right now and finding it hard, hard, hard. So it’s cool to think about Stella the cat and Stella the habour seal and just the joy of BEING.
I feel like I should say “WELL DONE” on managing to relax at the spa. It sounds amazing.
.-= Shazza´s last post … Mother of all cock-ups* =-.
Your day sounds wonderful, we could all learn from the harbor seals 🙂
.-= Andi´s last post … Opening Recap =-.
Ahhhhh…today is a Good Day to be a harbor seal. I’m going to go sit on my rock now.
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … In which I am a secret agent of change =-.
Cheers Havi! Harbor seals are exactly what I will think of when I next have a massage. They just bare their collective bellies (Literal! Metaphorical!) to the world, seemingly fearless and at peace.
Wishing you lots of peace and ease on your quest for relaxation!
.-= Lauren´s last post … 20 Things in 2009 That Didn’t Suck =-.
I started reading this and a big ol’ grin just started spreading its way across my face…because the philosophy that’s helped me most the past few months, is to get in touch with my “inner otter.” Otter’s mantra is “Don’t worry so much…play, spend time near water, enjoy life, eat shellfish.”(Play is definitely something I feel I need permission for, but I tend to do my best stuff when I’m playing somehow. Water relaxes, calms, and grounds me…and shellfish are a favorite treat.) I made a bracelet with a river otter on it to remind me, and another little plastic one rides on my car to help keep me calm while driving.
Harbor seals sound awesome too…
ark ark ark ark! Yay Havi! I am sure Selma is floating peacefully by as well.
Today I am setting down the ball that I usually balance on my nose (trained performer seal) and being a harbor seal too. Thanks.
Such good teachers, those harbor seals.
My fear of being seen as lazy monster is giving the chin wave hello to yours while wringing her hands together while the rest of us are trying to relax.
Your spa day is inspired. Glad you hugged your monsters and were able to experience some self care in the hands of others.
Always, thanks for sharing the goodies.
.-= Tami´s last post … Yoga+Music365 (day32) – Blame It On Gravity by Old97s- The Blindfolded Yoga Edition! =-.
Oh, I so needed this!
I am getting through some serious procrastination these days thanks to the Dissolv-O-Matic(DOM) and Dance of Shiva (DOS) and the need that keeps “sneaking” up is “rest,” which, of course, I am resisting, being afraid of losing the momentum I got with the DOM & DOS combination… So, time for a nap.
Also, I am going to pick up a nice rock when I leave work and put it on my desk to remind me of seals and to rest.
Wow… just… wow. And thank you.
I reached a point this week, yesterday actually, where I decided I am just so sick and tired of the procrastination that I simply must do something about it… tomorrow. Which is now today.
So, in an attempt to satisfy my Self that I am making progress (and to simultaneously procrastinate on my latest paper), I searched for “procrastination” and the Gods of Google lead me to your blog.
I used to live in Monterey. It is one of my favorite places on Earth. Your blog brought back great memories of chocolate-covered bananas on Cannery Row and sitting on the rocks with my roommate, doing nothing but eating and watching the world go by. We were good seals. I need to be there (at least mentally, if not physically) again.
.-= Lori´s last post … It’s Not Dark Yet! =-.
Havi, I had my first harbor seal moment yesterday. I was in a very important meeting, one that made me feel off center. I usually start to blab when I feel uncomfortable, like the silence will kill me. Instead, I listened from my rock to what she had to say, and I realized I wasn’t in any danger. She just wanted to talk and because I was there to listen, I made a lasting impression.
How fantastic that was. I like rocks.
.-= Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last post … At the Guggenheim ~ Museums and Art Alienation =-.
Havi, oh, harbor seal–what a perfect thing to be. Thank you for this lovely reminder of the power of being.
Wishing you a harbor-seal day!
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Sunday Poem: Buddhist Chronicles 9 =-.
Oh.
This may be my favorite Havi-post EVAH. Yes, I think it is.
While reading it, I suddenly remembered Marilyn from Northern Exposure, probably because she has so much Harbor Seal about her.
When that show was on, people thought I was far more like Ed or Chris, but it was Marilyn I wanted to be. Ed and Chris… they tried too hard. Not Marilyn. She was so comfortable in her silence that it discomforted others. She spoke when she had something to say, and didn’t much care if it made sense to anyone else.
Reading about your seals – I remembered Marilyn, and I could so see her saying “Dude” to a monster. And reminding me that that it’s ok to be quiet, by being quiet.
So I’ll go do that now. ‘K?
(But first I may go find a rock. Which somehow requires an inner monologue. But after that, quiet.)
.-= Tori Deaux´s last post … Today’s Goal? *Yawn* (Seriously. I Want You To Yawn. ) =-.
How can you not love Harbor Seals!
I loved reading this. Especially the Harbor Seal technique for small talk, I think I would really like to borrow that.
I’m glad your fuzzy fear monsters get to have such a nice mediator. I hope they all get together for ‘lying around on rocks’ parties on their days off.
Havi, this is beautiful. This is probably one of your top posts for me, and I think it’s going to stay with me for a long time.
I need a harbour seal (I hope it wouldn’t get put in quarentine on the way over here). Although, quite possibly, I put it there myself, because obviously, the world might actually end (END I tell you!) if I took some time to loaf. Or at least end in some catastrophic faliure.
I’m going to remember your seals.
(I also love blogland, where such a sentence can make perfect sense.)
.-= Jane´s last post … Loose and Periodic Cross The Road. =-.
“I have a new mediator. A harbor seal who blinks at my monster and says, Dude.”
This is so exceedingly brilliant, I am going to adopt it as a new mantra.
How do you know to post the very things I need to hear?
It reminds me of a time when we stopped in a little town in California called Jenner. At the beach were a herd (a flock? a school? a schleep pod?) of bull seals.
And also the sign “Do not bother the seals”
It would be possible to bother these 300 lb bull seals?
We walked by one who then snorted a great sand blowing sigh of a snort. Like, “Dude you’re in my light, move along there. Can’t you read the sign? You’re bothering me. An offence punishable with fines and the like. Ah, whatever. Zzzzz.”
Seals. Love.
.-= Violet´s last post … Intuition — Spiritual GPS? =-.
Who knew harbor seals were so inspirational and educational..lol
Great post.
.-= John Paul Aguiar´s last post … Just Released: New Twitter Dummy Guide =-.
Having just been diagnosed with hypothyroidism and not feeling so guilty about all the fatigue that it brings on, I think the seal image will be a wonderful mindfulness bell for me as I heal.
@Fi: I loooove sea otters and that video in particular. Thanks for reminding me about it. It’s now bookmarked in my “Happy Stuff” section.
You know what’s funny? On Sunday, I proposed to my friend Dave Seah that this week’s theme in our Google Wave Experiment be “BABY SEAL WEEK.” Because you must tenderly, tenderly cradle your fluffy white baby seal in your hands when moving it from here to there, adoring and protecting it while respecting that it will grow into a big, strong, glorious, shining, one-big-muscle-u-lar seal.
So there you go. Seals!
.-= Colleen Wainwright´s last post … Book review: Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin =-.
I have a huge thing for real-life metaphors like your harbor seal description.
“What would a harbor seal do?” is an awesome mantra to remind me to relax, too.
Wishing much harbor-seal-ness for all of us.
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Four No-Brainer Questions (and the Unveiling) =-.
What a lovely post! It brought up smiles, a sense of calm, feelings of peace. And a Hiro sigh.
I am going to find a rock and be on it.
Some of my insides have been injured like harbor seals that have battled and gotten red and sore on the outside.
I picture them resting and letting the sun and fresh air heal their woundings.
I’m going to do the same – letting the fresh air and sun permeate through my skin to my internal woundings and heal up like a harbor seal does – with no attachment to how it turns out.
I will take my green drink with me too. Like harbor seal algae juice for my gutsies too.
.-= Mona´s last post … monagrayson: @nativefoodscafe Excited for all the great outreach and programs you’re doing in the community w/vegan foods. Yumm-o! =-.
P.S. I don’t know how to make my latest blog post show up instead of my last Tweet in the Comment Luv. It used to work. Would someone email me to help me with this please and thank you? I love you. xoxo
.-= Mona´s last post … monagrayson: @nativefoodscafe Excited for all the great outreach and programs you’re doing in the community w/vegan foods. Yumm-o! =-.
This was so beautiful.
Ah… I can just see them, glistening, belly up, whiskers spread.
My monster has lots to say about this too. Day 2 of my month-long “recess” and I’m so. blissed. out. Harbor seal blissed. Thank you for the words.
Hope there are seal moments in your day.
xo
.-= Michelle´s last post … Dork Dancing, Check! =-.
Havi,
Thanks for the smile.
.-= Katie Sauer´s last post … Re-Relationshiping =-.
I think I might need to be a harbour seal for a while, too. It does sound really lovely. Also, I like that harbour seals are supposed to be round and chubby. They do not appear to have any self-image issues that I can tell, which is lovely.
.-= Amber´s last post … What I Learned in January 2010 =-.
Maybe I can get a harbor seal to talk to the migraine monsters who keep squeezing my eyeballs.
.-= Riin´s last post … New stuff =-.
Oh Havi, you rock! Or you’re on a rock, I guess. What a beautiful post. I visit Carmel and Monterey usually twice a year, so I can picture exactly what you were looking at. Well done!
So lovely to come back from a long, complicated day and a long plane ride and achey head to see you all here being amazing. As always.
Sending love to my harbor seal clan around the world. Schleepiness! Napping! Having pleasure be a legitimate thing!
AWESOME.
Kisses.
Harbor seals are fat kings and queens!!!
Sea otters are mischievous princes and princesses!!!
Mona, not 100% sure, but I think you have your Twitter account in the website box. (The one just above the comment field.)
.-= Sonia Simone´s last post … How To Write For Regular Readers =-.
“The second thing I think, watching the harbor seals is GET A JOB!”
Hahahahah.
Oh, dear.
What a wonderful post! It brought both a great big smile to my face and tears of longing. When I lived in the US, in the Bay Area, I went to Monterey as often as I could on weekends and holidays. It is my favourite place in the world and I haven’t been back since 2004.
Oh, the longing…
You know what? After reading this post, I’m … whew … relaxed.
🙂
My daughter and I were observed by a seal on Sunday too. It had pulled itself out on a rock about 5 metres from the sand, and watched us as we walked past. I could hear it thinking “Aw, look at the cute humans, aren’t they gorgeous? Especially the little baby one.” Elena clapped her pudgy paws and said “orc orc”. Was it warmer in Monterey than in County Down? I’d say so.
I really love your comment zen. I applaud you for being clear about what kind of comments you welcome, and which you don’t at all!
Hugs,
BC
mm, this post made me happy and little teary.
ar, ar, ar! <-that's harbor seal talk.
.-= leah´s last post … Creative Every Day Check-In: February 1-7 =-.
Legitimate Pleasure sounds like a band that Prince would be in. Maybe with Herbie Hancock to add legitimateness…definitely more than one guy.
Yay for seals and otters!
this is stunningly brilliant Havi – and such a blessing to read this right now in my life.
i never heard of a harbor seal before. there’s a good reason for that – that way of being in the world is pretty foreign to me and also very familiar now that you mention it.
lovelovelove you
That was really, really beautiful. Thank you. 🙂