It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
What worked this week?
Not having my computer.
This was an accidental discovery. Richard’s computer had to go to the hospital so I let him use mine and decided to work on projects that do not require typing, pixels or the vast rabbitholes of the internet.
My body-mind is/are feeling happy and surprisingly tranquil, so that’s kind of neat. And those other projects turned out to be both more important and more complicated than I’d realized. That was actually good news, because it gives me intel to share with my monster crew who think I’m lazy and disorganized, and say if I “just took an hour to clear stuff out…”
Well, I got to spend three whole days on things they think should just take an hour, and it was useful to learn that they are wildly underestimating everything. Also I found some important clues.
So. Something that seemed like an Interruption actually turned out to be full of Treasure, in the form of unexpected good surprises. I want to remember this.
Next time I might…
Remember Rick Astley.
A few years ago I stopped clicking on posts with titles that sounded like they had really solid information.
Like, The Best Eight Ways to ____________.
Whatever the eight ways turned out to be, they were inevitably disappointing. Maybe three were things I already did, four were just stupid, and one was irrelevant.
Nowadays of course, it’s more like “YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT”, and it purports to be about something I care about or am curious about. And then, of course, the only actual astonishing thing turns out to be how completely unremarkable the surprise is, and how spectacular the waste of time.
Before my trip to the Vicarage, I had a habit of avoiding these links, and then every once in a while I’d click anyway, and be disappointed.
Since the Vicarage, my attitude is more like, Hey sweetie, do you really want this? Does this seem like it’s going to bring you pleasure?
After running some experiments, it’s clear that 99.9% of the time, there is no pleasure in the click. It’s basically a rickroll. Except less fun because that song is awesome.
What I’d like to do now is start humming Never Gonna Give You Up whenever I consider clicking. That will take me back to PLAYFULNESS, which is where I want to be, and away from this sensation of “ugh, really?!”
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- It was one of those weeks where Everything Breaks, in small, symbolic ways. Favorite sweater has a tear. My Bond Girl boots broke, unexpectedly, and my Cobbler of the Magic Powers can’t do anything with them. Papercuts. Bruises. Things are lost. A breath for transition and adjustment.
- Dark circles under my eyes. A breath for noticing this..
- I really don’t want to be online, it doesn’t do good things for me, and yet a large portion of my life happens here. And I love this space here. A breath for finding a new way to be here and not there.
- So much pain in the world. May peacefulness prevail. A breath for may peacefulness prevail, and for turning inward so that I can add peacefulness, like adding spices.
- Wild goose chases. A breath for trusting the process and for more letting go.
- Talking with someone I like, and discovering this person has strong unexamined opinions regarding a situation about which he is remarkably unknowledgeable and about which I happen to know a lot. I found this pretty distressing and did a lot of wheel-grinding before I remembered to wish him and everyone else peacefulness. A breath for this feeling of disappointment.
- Letting things go. Man, it is complicated. A breath for trust.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- The best gift: a poem and a pot, both beautiful, both made by Angela. The pot is so perfect that Richard said, “This is the most Havi pot I have ever seen, how did she know?!” A breath for pleasure.
- The qualities and superpowers I have been playing with for the past few months — Wildly Confident / Wonderfully Peaceful / I Treasure My Space — are starting to feel like home, and they’ve been working in ways I hadn’t even imagined possible. A breath for appreciation and wonder.
- My dear friend Colleen the Signmaker was in town and we had tea at the Playground, and it was so lovely. A breath for full deep heart love.
- I didn’t get upset about any of the breaking. I am letting things go, and I am doing it with ease this time around. Not that it’s easy, just that I am easing. With the help of things that are like purple pills. A breath for a new way of doing this.
- Operation White Out is happening! The notorious noir gunslinger is leaving Eugene and headed this way, we will be running experiments on invisibility and panache, while avoiding henchmen and WEARING HATS. A breath for adventure, companionship, silliness, play.
- DANCING! So much fantastic dance this week. A two hour Kizomba workshop that Anil talked me into had me completely enthralled. Between Saturday Night Fever and Sunday’s Waltz Brunch, I spent most of the weekend whirling around the dance floor. Swing, waltz, foxtrot, rumba, salsa, fusion, fun. Wonderful dancing, lovely people. Wednesday’s west coast swing dance was unbelievably great, maybe the best one yet, and then I went to see the Barn Door Slammers last night, where there was even more good dancing. A breath for sheer joy and delight in life.
- I am noticing patterns, clearing things out, letting so much go, and listening to the quiet internal voice. I always do this, it’s both my work and what I do, but right now it is happening in a more intense and intentional way than before. A breath for treasure, and for change.
- Appreciation and thankfulness. Thank you, kaleidoscopes. Thank you, kaleidoscope coloring book that I found when the quiet internal voice suggested reorganizing the library at the Playground. Thank you, risk-taking. Thank you, asking. Thank you, wonderful and unexpected answers. Thank you, good news. Thank you, yesterday-me and tomorrow-me, I love you both so much.Thank you, everything that brought me here. Thank you, red lipstick. Thank you, lovely surprises. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. So many things are good. A breath for deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
I have been clearing stuff out like mad. Operation Kaleidoscopic Revue was a smashing success. As was my mission to Love the Loathe. Operation Basket Weaving yielded surprising results. And we are on schedule for the Secret Dinner. Wham Boom.
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of Everything That Is Mine Returns To Me. I’ve been repeating this over and over, and things are coming back. Or they aren’t, but it’s okay, because they aren’t mine. Found a beloved garment I thought had been lost at the Vicarage. Found a clue that I had been waiting for.
And I also had the superpower of wishing peacefulness (may peacefulness prevail!) when I found myself cycling through conversations in my head, I would like more of this and to do it faster. This is a good one.
Superpowers I want.
The power of finding the good, and the power of knowing that every moment is treasure. The power of knowing that sometimes the letting go is the treasure.
Salve. The Salve of Letting Go Is Treasure.
This salve softens everything, brings an ease and a lightness.
As it melts into your skin, you forget why you thought you needed to hold on so tightly to something that was done. Suddenly it makes sense that the things that don’t fit your life would find their way out. A warmth spreads through you, it is peaceful and tingly at the same time, and then there is this extra spaciousness as if you have more capacity to take in breath and let it go.
This salve has the qualities of Safety, Resilience, Undoing, Love.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This band is called Institute Of Molecular Biology Potluck, they are from Rio de janeiro, their latest album is Smooth Science, it’s ambient trance music and actually the band is just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I spend a lot of time saying “ohmygod I want to go somewhere and WRITE, I want to go on a writing retreat” and then I never do that because of the part where hahaha I’d probably have to sit around with Writers and talk about what I’m writing.
And then I realized I could invent my own that would be exactly what I want. Price super low because I need to leave town for a couple of weeks. It is called a Righting Retreat.
Partly because that sounds less intimidating (to me), and partly because it is true. We will Right things.
Come read the page because 1) I swear a lot, 2) I make a pun that is also truth, 3) there is a cloud that makes me smile, 4) I can’t be the only person who longs for this, 5) I just made a thing and would love company, 6) there is an extra-extra-extra low price.
I need to check with Richard on this however I think there are two spots left
—-> https://fluentself.com//righting/ —-> PASSWORD: oneword
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Follow
Ah, Friday.
The Hard:
So much driving. In such slow traffic. For so many days.
And then car sickness.
Carpooling which meant zero introvert time that left me utterly depleted at the end of 3 days.
A well meaning sister whose way of bonding is asking if I want things. What I want is to not be asked things. Not if I want food or a drink or the air on or this or that or maybe the other thing. Gah.
The Good:
visiting papa in the little house in the woods.
nieces and nephews clambering about.
tiny frogs that hop across the road at night, all lit up from headlights.
introvert recovery time. 3 days when no one asks me questions and I don’t have to drive and everything is quiet and I am alone.
Writing. Discovering what is going to come next in my book when it comes out of my fingers. It is confusing but it can be sifted later.
Being home.
Using some of the salve as a little mixer into my seltzer.
Mmmm – there’s a thing for me to ponder on, Seagirl: “What I want is not to be asked things”!
In my quest to “be a good guest,” I may be making more irritation than help!
Again, I say “Hmmm…”
Bright, quiet Blessings to you!
Oh, my. That salve feels very tingly. Thank you!
Hard stuff:
People I love dearly have been having health setbacks.
I have been absorbing a lot of sad and scary news, and a lot of other people’s sad and scared reactions.
I left my journal on the piano at a nursing home where I was working. It was fine, and I was able to retrieve it, but I felt pretty panicked for a while — and I realize now that I didn’t give myself enough time and space to recover from that panic.
Good stuff:
Swimming at home is wonderful, and I am grateful.
Treats arrived in the mail! An old client sent me a sweet letter, and a friend sent me some intriguing and useful CDs. (A breath for treasure!)
I am pleasantly anticipating two road trips, one tomorrow and one next week.
I now invoke the superpower of Breathing In Beauty! <3
Ahhh thank you for the salve. Letting go is treasure. Still learning, still working.
The hard and the good are the same thing for me:
I am learning quietude. Realizing that I am introverting more and That Is Okay. I do not have to be the Social Butterfly I use to be. If this is Be Alone time then it is time to learn to be alone with myself.
The good is that alone is restful. The hard is learning to like myself enough to be alone with myself. Or being alone with myself enough until I like myself.
Superpowers I had this week: Going to sleep early means waking up early means having a leisurely awakening means not rushing means being able to be grateful in the morning: The superpower of Knowing My Ideal Sleep.
Superpowers I want: Knowing That I Am Enough.
“Institute Of Molecular Biology Potluck” – *glee*
What hit the spot?
The lemon cake Past Me stashed in the freezer.
The pungent blue paint Past Me stored in a mustard jar.
What also worked?
Preparing for next month’s business trip. It has persuaded my treasurer-monster to release funds for a new camera and a vest with LOTS of pockets. And the evidence is mounting that adding these items to my life will not only help me produce better work but also free up a part of me that had been snarled up and at times even sidelined by my perceived need to make do or do without.
Next time I might pack a just-in-case sandwich. I might fill the thermos in the car with water, too.
Some hard stuff:
Misogyny and good-old-boy-ism every damn where, and my not looking away = distraction and despair and sense of wasting time/breath
The huge electric bill sure woke up the treasurer-monster.
Some good stuff:
Giggling with a photography maven about camel spit.
I drew lots of lines! (=progress on an ancient project)
Warm wishes and big bouquets to all y’all.
Lots of unexpected bananas this week. I don’t know what that was about. I don’t like bananas, and I kept getting them when I was looking forward to something else. And not being at home in my body, and it’s still too hot.
But it’s my birthday! There are lovely people. And I have had fun chickening the past year, and wishing the next one.
Happy birthday, fellow Kathleen!
(I don’t like bananas either.)
Hoping your Happy Birthday Yesterday was beautiful in all the right-for-you ways, with No Bananas!
Blessings, too ~
Thank you! It was lovely, and banana-free!
Another week of mostly good (I love writing that!)….
DrS is on the job now, yay! Much hopefulness and also honey.
Many things begun, many things done.
Interpreter at City Hall for visiting students; a great pleasure.
Rain and rainstorms cooled down the predicted high temps for the weekend.
Pleasure in doing and in not-doing.
AND — all the yays! — I found something I thought was lost and gone forever, giving me hope of recovering other lost items.
I want the superpower of finishing, and of finishing with. There are two projects I began this week that need just a few hours of time (and a bit of inspiration) for me to WHAM Boom them out of the park! And one may need me to finish with some things and Let Them Go before I can finish the project. I will use the salve of Letting Go Is Treasure and enjoy the hell out of the process. (While listening to the Institute of Molecular Biology Potluck?)
Cheers, chickeneers!
The hard for me is learning patience. I am so NOT patient and everything is conspiring this summer to help me let go.
The good is the smell of the stargazers in my yard. And my friends. And not caring so much about all the things I used to care about.
Oh, you guys! I just got an email with this subject line:
Do You Get Caught in These 51 Traps?
Hahaha SURE! I fall in trap no. 1, climb out, fall in trap no. 2, climb out, and etc. OMG.
Now I can at least do it while singing Rick Astley.
Mmmm, the salve has both Love and Undoing. That’s a clue for me!
Also, Vicki, I will enjoy baking something molecular for the Molecular Biology Potluck.