Hello, Friday: we are here
{a breath for being here when we get here}
Thank you, week
This is the 374th week in a row we are chickening here together: pretty great!
What worked this week?
Getting off the bus!
These moments when I am in close proximity to someone with erratic energy exhibiting unpredictable behavior…
I suddenly became aware of just how much tension this introduces in my internal and immediately external space.
And so, in the interest of I Choose Supportive Environments For Me, I started removing myself from these situations: ring the bell and exit.
There was extra treasure in this too — I got to enjoy surprise breakfast at a favorite cafe that I don’t visit because I’m never in that neighborhood, and when I was done, there was a new calm-and-quiet bus pulling up and I didn’t even have to wait.
But also I realized there are other places/situations/relationships in my life that are like that bus, and what is indicated is ringing a bell and saying, “this is where I exit”.
Next time I might…
Remember that Congruencing is hard work.
Of course I do remember this, it’s why I put off doing it. What happens is, I forget why Congruencing is so challenging:
The more you congruence, the more you see all the things that are incongruent or have been neglected in your kingdom. And you think, how did my ENTIRE LIFE become such an incongruent disharmonious unsovereign nightmare?!
So I want to remember that this is a normal part of the process, and also remember that as I make small and bigger changes, new harmonious energy comes in and starts whooshing away things that need whooshing, and everything starts to feel better and hopeful, and this is good.
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
Talking directly to mercy: The Havi Brooks Story
8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- So much big change going on for me right now, everything in the air, and thinking about leaving my home (even for a new and better one) is very overwhelming. A breath for pause to fill up on spaciousness and ease, and remembering that I can do this.
- Having a crisis about dance, and running into walls (not literally, I am getting way better at floorcraft!), and endless monstering about do I even want to do this and maybe I should just quit. A confusing hard-to-understand lesson which had me in tears was also negative and heavy on criticism, which reinforced the crisis. Wednesday’s dance was not fun either, and this chipped away at my desire to play. A breath for more thinking about buses I want to get off of, and remembering that dance isn’t the problem-bus. This is about learning to insist on supportive healthy environments for a sensitive Havi.
- I have been exploring the theme of “how can I feel more generous” in [situation], and it wasn’t easy this weekend. A breath of compassion for me.
- Body still wiped out, chronic pain is back. A breath for extreme self-care.
- The guy who thought it was okay to yell the most vitriolic, obscenity-filled hate at me, because I didn’t respond to his “hey”, since I don’t actually perceive an obligation to respond to the twenty men who “hey” me each day. A breath for the tired anger I feel about the inherent injustice built into this life, that this is just the reality of being a woman walking down the street.
- Questioning everything. A breath for trust, and for beautiful reconfigurations that benefit all.
- Wishing something was not the way it is, even though that’s exactly how it is, and it isn’t likely to change. A breath for this, and for me.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- I went to Waltz Brunch to dance with the magical park dancers, and had the most marvelous time, which did so much to ease the sting of both the monsters and the confidence-destroying lesson. I remembered how much I love to dance, and how many people feel genuine joy about dancing with me. I am creative and steady, I flow and play. A breath for my glad heart!
- I took the waltz lesson as a lead, and finally figured out how to lead a move that has been mystifying me. Leading is so fun, and allows me to ask twice as many people to dance. Received many compliments about my leading, both from brand-new dancers and very experienced ones. A breath for being a badass.
- My lover returned from their (now several weeks) sojourn in Utah and Texas, and it feels so good to have closeness and breath and to fall asleep smiling with my head on their chest. A breath for these moments, and cherishing them.
- I have been doing TRE (tension releasing exercises) every day since August 11, and I am mysteriously, wondrously steady and peaceful all the time, even when it comes to things that would normally shake me up a lot. A breath of thank you, to my body and the practice.
- This wild adventure of Shmita is so very intense, and I am constantly amazed at what is emerging from having given myself this very scary gift. A breath for wise me who trusted.
- A Rally friend was in town, and we met for delicious food and drinks, and made wishes and talked about nooks, and it was sweet and perfect and just what I needed. A breath for appreciation and joy.
- My home is becoming more and more a place that feels like me. A breath for cherishing my space, a superpower I’ve been working on for many, many years.
- Thankfulness. So much is good. Everything is okay. Nothing is wrong, even when I think it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!
Operations completed!
Forward movement on many ops this week, including Operation Turn It Around, Initial Parachute Explorations, and The Entry Libretti, thank you, fractal flowers
I now bestow upon myself a quintillion sparklepoints, and you are welcome to do the same for you.
Superpowers I had this week…
The superpower of using anagrams to solve everything, and the power of not needing to respond.
Powers I want.
Steady Trust Always!
Related to that: last week I seeded feeling the steady pulse of life inside of me, living from that, from joyful Aliveness, and I want so much more of this please.
The Salve of I Choose Supportive Environments For Myself
This salve is a mindset/belief salve, because of course, sometimes we are just in environments where we have very little say in their structure, aesthetic or anything else, and all we can change is our internal space.
It works wonders though, inside and out.
The first thing it does is quiet your breath, then your thoughts, and then you know:
You know what is working. You know what small adjustments can be made on your end. You turn inward and listen, to your breath, your bones, the hidden wise whispers…
Your internal space becomes both lighter and steadier. You now have the superpower of seeing flowers everywhere. Spaces/situations/people begin quietly adjusting themselves to your new way.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band came from a conversation with Chloe:
The Sesame Seed Crisis
Their latest album is Down With Boxes, and, of course, it’s just one guy.
Quick announcements!
- I was not exaggerating when I referenced the 18,567 comments in the spam folder! So I am declaring SPAMNESTY and shall delete all next week. If you’ve left a comment that didn’t show up, we didn’t censor it! We pretty much never delete things, unless someone is being a jerk. Send a quick note and give us the email you might have used and any other intel that will help do Search & Rescue for your comment, and we’ll do our best!
- While clearing out the house, I discovered a hidden stash of the gorgeous Stone Skipping cards! $22 for an extremely magical deck of cards plus shipping, or for $30 (plus shipping) we’ll add a cheery red Playground mug, since I found some more of those too! Tell the First Mate if you’re interested.
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
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leaving a heart and a pebble here o <3
Hooray, time appears offering itself to the chicken.
What worked this week?
I made a new system to cope with the 5x things that need doing (where x is my capacity to do things). And more importantly, let it go at some points when it wasn’t helping. Looking forward to continuing this experiment.
What was hard?
Above noted Things. Despite much gentle wondering, none of them currently appears dropp-able.
Body manifesting stress.
Writing a letter to a lawyer, blech.
What was good?
Saying no to *everything* that wasn’t either necessary or ENORMOUS YES.
Going to bed, and working in the morning instead of evening, when I could.
Remembering to listen to myself. MORE of this, please. Remembering my states of distress are normal and temporary.
Amazing, unexpected, very very good conversation with [extremely important person in my life] that I’ve barely talked to for 3 years. Feeling so much freedom after this, weight lifted that I did not know I was carrying.
Wishes/hopes for coming week.
I love the new salve!! <3 and gratitude!! It feels cool on my skin and smells of sweet pink roses and bread baking.
Wishing for Patience.
Wishing for Trusting in Process.
Remembering Total Amnesty.
Remembering All Timing is Right Timing.
o
Ahhhhhh, hello, dear Chicken!
Hard stuff:
–I am having a Zombie Day, my first in quite a while. I would like to be curled up under a cozy blanket, watching the rain from indoors and drifting in and out of sleep. Instead, I am making the sovereign choice to move gently through my work day.
–Daughter is going through a challenge, and I am in my stuff about it.
Good stuff:
–Operation [Yogurt and Honey] appears to be a success.
–MAJOR pattern re-weaving! A shimmering cascade of sparklepoints for me!
I am now applying this marvelous salve, which is exactly what I need today. Thank you!
WOW the last [stretch of time] [two weeks] [oy].
Diving into the volcano.
Recovering from time spent in a volcano.
Realizing that the volcano changed me.
Maybe I became the volcano.
The word volcano looks kind of hilaridiculous now.
Breathing for the hard, the tangles, the mysteries.
+Breathing for the Mysteries of This Is The House That [Quack] Built. Breathing for how fucked up and unfair it is [that Trip Shap can happen]. Breathing for the me who is desperate to find sovereignty in this situation and can only seem to find it in one way by losing it in another, which of course is not true sovereignty. Breathing for the Mystery of Where Is The True Sovereignty?
+Breathing for the Ongoing Mystery of Banana Peels. Breathing for the clues I wish I could get in order to untangle from this tangle. Breathing for the Dragon emerging and escaping.
+Breathing for the Mysteria of [Father Potato] Breathing for [insert lengthy litany of rage against STUFF ABOUT THIS, fuck. all. that.]
+Breathing for the Mystery of Bleach Melt [in which white people have fucked up everything]. Breathing for how angry I am about this. Breathing for how helpless I feel in the face of it. Breathing for the whole world, continually devasted by it. Breathing for [breathing].
+Breathing for the Mystery of Astro Reaper Monster. Breathing for the me that befriended zim long ago. Breathing for the me who’s still friends with zim. Breathing for all future mes that stay friends with this monster. Breathing for all zir other monster friends too. Breathing for existing in an orbit that inextricably includes this particular monster. Breathing for existing in a world that contains the raw materials that create a monster like this one.
+Breathing for the Undercover Agents who said things that hurt me under the guise of Seekrecy. Breathing for the pain they felt. Breathing for the me who had no idea. Breathing for the monsters that are having a feeding fest on all this pain and suffering. Breathing for the Wounded Pterodactyl. Breathing for the me who wants to ride again. Breathing for the me who NEVER wants to ride again.
+Breathing for all the Balls I dropped last week when I was in the Volcano. Breathing Big Fat Permission Slips. Breathing more amnesty than I could possibly ever need.
+Breathing for the Great Emptiness and all its interconnected manifestations [blech!]
+Breathing for the Mystery of Pegasus Blue.
+Breathing for the Mystery of the FxCx. Breathing for what I know about FxCxs. Breathing for the me who collaborated on this. Breathing for the me who is/has become this.
Breathing in, breathing out.
Breathing in, breathing out.
Breathing in, breathing out.
Breathing in, breathing out.
Breathing for the donuts, the rainbows, the delightfulness.
+Breathing for Operation Dragonwings, for the steadiness of the Six Points, for the smoothness with which it fits. Breathing for the me who created this. Breathing for the me who embodies this. Breathing for the Dragonwingliness that is everywhere and everything.
+Breathing for all the awesome books I’ve been reading, which are many, and I am so happy to live in a world where I can read all these books. Breathing for the me who knows how much I love to read, for all the mes who have ALWAYS known. Breathing for all the libraries that have been sanctuaries for me in all my life.
+Breathing for the Festival, whatever it turns out to be. Breathing for possibilities. Breathing for remembering to Cx.
+Breathing for the QxSx Experiment. This is fun! Hooray!
+Breathing for Fall, for who I am in Fall, for how much I love Fall. Breathing for cool breezes and coziness and pumpkins and soups and toasty things.
+Breathing for the Cabin in the Woulds. Breathing for the Bookends. Breathing for what comes forth. Breathing for the Emmo-Emmo, that was there before. Breathing for how Cabin is not the same thing, for the uniqueness of it, for the quirkiness and the reciprocity and the reiterability and the flexible flying. Breathing for the exclamation points. Breathing, and yawning, and breathing.
+Breathing for the me who is [Creating Tents]. Breathing for all the mes in the [Tents]. This is good, this is awesome, this is exactly what it is.
+Breathing for the me who is really, really good at making food. WOW WOW WOW I like that me A LOT. 🙂
What worked this week?
Shutting down the systems. Pulling the curtains. Pulling the plugs.
Libriomancing HARD.
Feelings First. Not trying to “calm down” or unfeel. FEEL FIRST, THEN calm down.
Deciding Not to Tree (which is actually a secret way to Tree with FF!)
Call a Friend/Call a Stranger
Setting ‘em Up/Knocking ‘em Down
Next time I might…
S&P way sooner and way harder.
Drop on the deck and flop like a fish.
Maybe set up a safe room in the Volcano?
Superpowers!
Superpower of I Make The Rules.
Superpower of Feelings First.
Superpower of Libriomancing.
Superpower of Finding Just What I Need.
Superpower of [Revamp]
Mixing up a big bottle of All Manner of Things Shall Be Well Salve. Sipping from it all day long. Yes.
AND…my fake band of the week is… ::drumroll!:: Freeze Peach and the Intersectional Chocolates! Shazam!!!
LIBRIOMANCING
I’m reading an actual novel called Libriomancer right now and it’s changing my liiiiiiiiiiife 😀 😀 😀
The whole series is SO SO GOOD.
I’m having this problem where I kind of don’t want to read it because I NEVER WANT IT TO END.
Ugh, right? Though he’s got a bunch of other good stuff if you haven’t read the Goblin or Princess books. (If you have, alas, you’re as out of things of his to read as I am…)
This week:
What worked:
– taking it to the grid! Every night, for as long as it takes.
– grounding and feeling in my heart. Or when this was impossible, intending myself in that direction.
The Hard:
– CFS still C, F, and S-y. Not being able to make it upstairs. Needing to sit even during standing exercises. Very unsteady and wavery and mostly exhausted.
– I am very much at my edge for learning to collaborate. Every sentence “actually, I would prefer…” Or “I had been thinking that…” Takes effort. I’m doing it and that’s exciting and good, but this working with others is not easy for me.
– The day two naps were interrupted and everything went poorly. Breathing for a repaired ability to trust.
– Wanting something so much I feel like I’m splitting in two.
– I made a new friend, and then realized it wasn’t so much a “new friend” situation as a “I’m re-enacting something from when I was a teenager on this unsuspecting person.” Le sigh.
The Good:
– Learning to work with other people! So sweet and juicy!
– Coming home and feeling totally overwhelmed on the bus, feeling my energy going from sparkly to dirty. Then a strange lady sits next to me and I’m like “ack! How do I get out of this!” But I remembered calmness always helps and when I was calm she felt sweet and we had a wonderful (and strange) conversation and now I have a new friend. And after that somehow I didn’t feel all muddy-icky anymore.
– My dad’s here fixing all the things.
– I have been delightfully wrong about everyone lately. They’re all better than I first saw them.
– Made my first lesson plans!!
The Hard:
Forgetting to leave certain spaces and suffering the consequences of staying too long. A breath for remembering that not everything needs a response.
The Good:
No traveling this weekend.
Moving the group and finding the right people for it.
Sleeping hats and socks.
Light switches being turned on everywhere and the answers going “bing!”
Made 2 phone calls about the Work Thing that was scaring me. Sparklepoints for taking the next right step.
Cheer to all chickeners and lurkers!
Congruencing! Last night I Officially gave up on an opportunity that was turning out to be a Notportunity (Nopeportunity?), & the space that is left is crying out for Congruencing, & it is badly needed & I am looking forward to it, though yes I am also (already!) kind’ve appalled at the amount of Stuff that needs to be Congruenced. But I have Plans & Theories & also I will stop & apply Extreme Luscious Self-Care when needed, & it will be okay!
Also last night when I invited my roommate into my room to show him something awesome, & then he stayed long enough that I was getting squiggly, I said ‘hey, I love you, scram’ and he grinned at me & scrammed. Boundaries! Space for me! It is a lovely thing!
Hahaha Nopportunity!!!
Shabbat shalom!
What worked? Choosing sleep. Saying no.
Next time? Remember Brasington’s Laws before I say yes.
Bouquets to all y’all.
Oh, Chicken, I love your bright eyes and your fluffy feathers!
This week’s Good:
– Traveling across country with my cousins. At the end of day 4 we’ve gone 1800 miles; 1600 more miles to go by end of day 9. Having fun & enjoying each others’ company.
– Narrowly missing a bad wreck.
– Good food and reasonably nice motels.
– Between the three of us, only one important item left at home … and a fourth traveler (for the weekend only) brought it with her on the plane today.
– Visiting another cousin briefly on the way.
– Recovering from an argument about which directions to follow wherein everyone was joking about the argument within about five minutes. Yay for NVC!
– Beautiful skies, beautiful country.
– Quirky public art right next to the highway!
The hard this week:
– Once again not finishing packing til the very last minute.
– Not always sleeping well on the road; makes for more difficult driving.
– Noticing how different ways of seeing and interpreting the world make communication more difficult (I did know this already, but we really are demonstrating it.)
Next time I might:
– Try just 30 minutes packing and other travel prep day for two weeks instead of (what seemed like) 10 hours in one day.
– Bring some nighttime tea for better sleeping on the road.
– Negotiate in advance how to do driving directions to fit each person’s preferences and capabilities.
Good night, chicken. Good night, chickeneers.
I AM GOING TO PUBLISH MY BOOK! I am telling the chicken this!
It is simultaneously good and hard, being really exciting and extremely terrifying.
Also I have other stuff to do, and until yesterday didn’t have time to work out what that stuff actually was. And of course now it turns out that there isn’t actually that much of it; it was just really scary when it was hovering over my shoulder as an ill-defined menacing blob of impending doom.
But book!
Welcome, Chicken of the Week!
What a week I’ve had!
A very powerful interaction with a mandala last week has led to new thoughts and ideas this week, which eventually led me back to a practice that I had in the past and want to re-establish.
And I learned about a practice that some online friends are doing that I can also do and it fits neatly with that one.
Sleepless nights
You know how cellulitis makes the skin look angry? Well, there are two wounds where the skin around them is looking pretty annoyed.
An unexpected gift: an iPhone 5.
There’s a thing I miss and there’s a way to get it and that way works for others but not for me.
The Outdoor Refueling Station is wonderful but the mites that live in the plants around the edges get on and in my clothes and enter the house and then them bite me — it’s like having vicious chiggers.
Pain! It hurts to walk — the bottoms of my feet are unbelievably not okay! My calves are full of knots and trigger points. (That could be my Fake Band of the Week: Nots and the Trigger Points.) My neck and my right shoulder and MY BUTT are all painful. Sitting isn’t comfortable and neither is doing anything that uses my right arm. Moving my head makes my neck hurt and not moving my head makes it more painful when I do move it. Also I feel like a whiny butt.
My big Mission is the Getaway Gateway Hatchway, which now has four ops, and I haven’t been able to do any of them. Because pain, and also mites — some of them must be blowing in when I have the windows open because they are lying in wait for me when I go up there.
I’m far behind on several important things and something that I started to do again is going to die of neglect.
And life is good, the porch is wonderful, I had a good massage today, and I feel spoiled! Also loved and cherished, and I’m doing more to love myself.
My internet connection is acting extremely weird. So is my computer. The problems may be related…
I seem to have tried to post my comment twice, even though I only pushed the comment button once. How weird is that?
If it appears twice, I’d appreciate it if someone who knows how will delete the second one.
Computer frustrations are not the worst thing in my week, but they don’t make it any easier to cope with the other things.
I love this salve. It’s so useful. I wish I’d had it two years ago while traveling, particularly while on Greyhounds.
The good:
Watching delightful children’s movies in Spanish.
Fun times with friends.
Getting my ideal job! Woohoo!
Doctors visits going well, plus symptoms lessening, plus doctor saying all my tests check out fine.
Autumn! Autumn! Yay autumn!
The bad:
Unhealthy habits.
Too much time on computer.
Eating things I really shouldn’t, then eating more.
Feeling unmotivated. In a slump, and having trouble getting out of it.
Superpower I want:
The power of taking little steps and making little congruences. It’s like today’s salve mixed with stealthy yoga.
Flowers everywhere? Oh very yes!
Taking a longer stroll around the coop…
Hard:
* Diva dementorama
* Not This Bus / Was That My Bus? anx
* So many things feeling Sisyphean right now
Good:
* A colleague stopping by with baklava and rose-scented ink
* Wham-boomed three big deliverables
* Orange soda for breakfast
* Pruning the tomato plants and a lily.
* The cutting I set in soil yesterday is still alive.
* Receiving a song I commissioned in the mail!
* Making Simchat Torah plans.
Everywhere flowers to everyone wanting them!