Oh, the art of avoiding answering direct questions. I find it thrilling, fascinating and exceedingly difficult.
Aside from answering a question with another question, and mastering the art of quick subject changes, it’s hard to know what say, other than Awkward Stuttering.
My goal is to eventually be able to pick and choose from a selection of responses that:
- are not rude and not boring
- do not actually share personal information
- allow me to change the subject quickly and easily.
Not there yet. But I’m playing.
And I’m playing by messing around and inventing ridiculous answers — that I don’t actually currently have the balls to give — to my five least favorite questions.
Well, the five that don’t have to do with how come I’m not moving to Bolivia.
My five current Least Favorite Questions.
#5. What are you doing for [insert holiday]?
Of course people are just being polite and making conversation. It’s sweet.
The thing is, I don’t actually like most holidays. And I don’t want to talk about why. Or about my plans or lack thereof. So I get flustered.
#4. Where are you from?
Amna has already summed up why this is such a distressing question.
And a complicated one for me personally to answer, even without the leftover outsider complex from having had a foreign accent in every language that I speak.
#3. What’s your name?
Okay. I realize this one is a completely innocuous question.
But. I have a really unusual name. And at cafes — or wherever people ask for your name so they can yell it out to get your attention, I feel uncomfortable.
Especially with the “internet famous” thing. If 30,000 people are reading this, at least some of them are in Portland. Maintaining anonymity is a big deal for me.
#2. What do you do?
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Why should I have to know that? I’m doing it right now. It pays the bills, I have fun, why do I have to define it?
#1. People pay for that?
This question is more funny than annoying, since this blog supports our entire household.
But I hate the idea of my people being asked this when they’re still experimenting with figuring out their thing, before they’re in the position to find hostile questions laughable.
Anyway.
My goal is to be able to smile, take a breath, say something, and then ask a curious, interested question that allows for a change in subject. It’s my practice. But right now I’m just being silly.
Here we go.
“What are you doing for Thanksgiving (or holiday of choice)?”
Giving thanks.
Jam.
Being exceptional.
Playing Twister.
Watching people eat pie.
Have you ever ridden in a hot air balloon?
“Where are you from?”
Here.
A pirate ship.
I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to say.
“What’s your name?”
Singapore.
Valentine’s Day.
Harmonica.
Subliminal.
The Captain.
Surprise!
Blueberry.
Smurf.
Swoosh.
Twiglet.
“What do you do for a living?”
I play with dolls.
I wear costumes.
I talk to monsters. I collect monsters. I design monster choreographies.
I run a preschool. No, a secret preschool. No, a secret preschool for grownups.
I think about muffins. I’m a spy. I do things by proxy.
I have a secret benefactor. I am a secret benefactor. I like the word benefactor.
I whisper to plants. I am a product placement. I swim through air.
Do? I try not to do things.
I hide. I’m a professional hider. Yes, from things. But also hiding things from others.
I’m so sorry. I never tell anyone what I do.
I tell people about my dreams. Yes, they are very interesting dreams. No, I won’t tell you. That service is only available for paying customers.
I build castles. In the air.
I run away.
Oh, this and that.
“Do people pay you for that?”
There is only one answer to this that I know of, aside from laughing so hard you cry:
You’d be surprised.
And then you ask them what they’re doing for Thanksgiving. Kidding. But change the subject. Quickly.
And the not very zen comment zen for today.
We’re having fun today.
Anyone who is not capable of playing, or recommends resources for learning how to craft an elevator pitch, or variations on the tired “I help [target market X] [solve problem Y]” does not get to play.
I’m serious. Solving the problem is not the point. The point is play.
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. We take responsibility for our stuff. That’s what allows us to play.
Follow
least favorite question:
Some variation of: What’s new? What’s up? What’s shaking? …
This DRIVES ME MAD!!!
really you want an answer? On one foot? I could write a dissertation on this. It is deep. It is existential. I get tongue tied and twisted up with this question.
I usually have something intelligent to say, like, “huh?”
So alternatives—mmm.
*The stars are aligned to shine down on us today
*Where is love (sung to the tune from Oliver)
*Whip out my secret puppet and ask her, What’s new sweety?”
this will take more effort.
Aaa, as a last resort I’ve settled for being rude.
Otherwise, from experience I’ve learnt that questions like: “What are you doing for [insert holiday]?” is actually the other person trying to be polite by asking me first for my plans so that then they could talk up a storm about their plans. So I try to switch directly and ask them about their plans.
So what do I do for a living? I listen. I am a good listener.
For some reason, I dislike it when people ask what I’m reading. I’m very private about what I’m reading, whether it’s online or in a book. I also dislike being asked what I’m WATCHING, if I’m watching a movie.
Why? I don’t really know why. I guess because I’m afraid people will mock me for my taste?
I also have trouble with the what-do-you-do thing. Because I try to say that I teach people to eat normally, but I’m fat, so people tend to give me a very surprised look (even though I am a pretty normal eater and the being-fat thing is just a sideline hobby.)
Anyway. With the reading, I could say, “I’ll tell you when I’m done. Then I’ll know if it’s any good.” Depending on tone, it could sound like a joke, but it also sounds plausible and might get people to stop pushing the issue.
With movies: I think it would be funny to answer with The Most Boring Title Ever. Like, “Goat-herding: The Movie.”
What do you do for a living? This is hard, because anything nutrition-related will get me the hairy eyeball. I could just say, “I’m a counselor,” which is very boring, but will likely invite follow-up questions. I could also say, “I just hang around the house and play on the computer.”
“People pay you for that?”
“No. That’s why I got married.”
I kind of love this.
And I need more of it in my life. Cool responses to questions that make me uncomfortable or I don’t know how to answer them.
What do you do? is my personal unfavourite.
Some day, I’ll figure out how to answer that question without telling my life story. Maybe.
I’m a student…close to college graduation. I HATE when people ask me what my plans are after graduation. I’ve resorted to telling people I plan to be a bum and do nothing. I feel like an idiot when I say “I don’t know.” The best is when I say “I don’t know” and they follow up with “Well what line of work are you looking to get into?” Ugh. It needs work…but I better work fast because graduation is right around the corner!
Suggestion for What’s your name? Answer with a Disney character. Or a character’s name from a movie you like or something like that. That could get REALLY entertaining.
@Michelle – I like your “I’ll tell you when I’m done” response to your reading question, haha.
“How’s business going?”
This is what happens in my mind: OMG I have to justify myself. I have to justify why I’m putting so much energy and time and money into something that isn’t paying off yet. I have to find a nice, positive way to put it because they only mean well. I have to answer something.”
What I usually answer: “Oh, it’s going well, I’m doing x and y right now; I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m getting there!” And then try a smile and hope they’ll change the subject.
What a relief to be reminded that I don’t need to respond.
What a relief to remember, hey, it’s perfectly fine to avoid certain questions, just because I haven’t come to terms with them yet.
So, let’s play a bit:
“How’s business going?”
– {Silence}
– “Well, how’s your sex life going?”
– “What exactly do you mean by that?”
– “I don’t know.”
– “Can we change the subject?”
– “Sometimes it’s going, sometimes it’s dancing, sometimes it’s stumbling, it changes, you know.”
– “Can we just hug and not talk?” (This applies to a number of other questions, as well)
“so what do you do?” is my personal unfavourite too.
i just quit my day job and was at my last office christmas party this weekend. someone asked me what i am doing now and when i told her, she said “oh how quaint!” omg. so happy the office party days are behind me.
i was with my mom and someone asked us “so what do you do for a living?” and i got all icky uncomfortable and my mom just said “as little as possible” and changed the subject. it was brilliant.
Yay a society of professional hiders! It doesn’t even need a name because we’ll never tell anyone about it – like professional ninjas (wah!)
I hate “Where are you from?” I’ve always lived in the US but in several different places. If I say that, then people say “Were you a military brat?”. I wasn’t. So I say I’m a gypsy. Or I say where I currently live. Maybe I should say I’m in the Witness Protection program & I can’t tell them.
I also hate the holiday question. My lack of plans (intentional) makes other people want to invite me to their house (very kind but NO!). When I say I want to be alone, they look at me like I need a strait jacket. Maybe I need fake plans.
I have discovered that – for me – if there’s no element of play in solving a problem, then I’m solving the wrong problem.
Another idea that’s helpful to me is that not everything requires a response _on_the_same_level_. That thought somehow usually frees me up to say something authentic and simultaneously protects me from letting the other’s words stir up my Stuff.
How timely for me. For about a year I’ve done nothing. Well I’ve done a million things but not easy ones to categorize. I have sometimes lied, pretending that I have freelance work or that my volunteering is a job. But that makes me uncomfortable and could lead to complications. My lovely BF, who keeps a roof over my head and that of my rotten cat, doesn’t think that is a bad thing, but I still feel the stigma. This will be my first Christmas with the in-laws and I am sure there will be questions. I was in favor of lying but he doesn’t want to. I think that will make a touchy situation even worse (they still love his high-earning ex-wife). So I get holiday aversion and “what do you do” aversion all in one happy bundle.
Loving everyone’s stories. Fun helps.
What do you do?
-Good question…I often wonder that myself
-I worry quite a bit…
-I stick my head into the computer and then try to pull it out…
-I follow my cat around.
——-
In Maine you’re considered ‘from away’ unless you’ve been here for 3 generations, and that would have taken more advanced planning than I’m capable of.
At a church supper a lady asked where I was from and I said, “Here–been here 20 years.” She said, “You aren’t as from here as I am” (she grew up nearby). Turned out she’d spend most of her adult life in another state, but still felt more ‘from here’ than me. Well, fine.
It’s simpler just to answer, “From away. Far, faaaaar away.” and make googley eyes.
My first comment here!
This post was so resonant for me – I really dislike being asked – all – the – questions. Makes my head spin and feels like the worst sort of privacy overrun even though most of them are perfectly innocent.
At Starbucks I give the name Sue so I don’t have to give a pronunciation and spelling lesson! So, I’m Starbucks Sue 🙂 That makes me laugh every time!
Ohhh, so many questions that I’d rather not hear:
“So, what do you do?”
“Music therapy? Huh! So, what is that, exactly?”
“How’s the dissertation going?”
“What’s your dissertation about?”
“When do you graduate?”
“So, when do we get to call you Doctor?”
@Michelle — I also dislike the “what are you reading/watching” questions; they always make me tongue-tied, because I take in so many things, it feels a bit like being asked, “So, what’s in the air you’ve been breathing lately?”
I’m not sure what the solution is, really, except to give myself permission to get tangled up in my own thoughts and words, to be silent for as long as necessary to gather my thoughts, to answer questions in different ways every time, or in the exact same ways every time, whichever is more comfortable.
Oh, hey, but I’ve just remembered that I do have an answer that has worked for me on occasion: sometimes, when I get asked something uncomfortable, I just smile sweetly, roll my eyes, say, “Oh, that’s an essay question,” and change the subject. Sometimes it works.
I once heard of a woman who, when asked, “What do you do?” would always respond, “About what?”
Sometimes I have this problem where I want to talk about something I’ve read here, and I end up being like “so, there’s this… okay there’s this blog I read… I mean it’s not… not a blog like… okay there’s this person, and she… no… you know what, nevermind”. So then I can’t because I don’t know how to explain that there is this place on the Internet that does not even operate in the same dimension as other Internet places. Whew. So, game #1: How to lead into talking about a fluent self post:
– I found a message in a bottle the other day, and it talked about…
– I intercepted a note being delivered by courier hamster today, and it said…
– I was interrupted in my travels this morning by an invisible but talkative butterfly who told me that…
I think that’s all I’ve got for the moment. It’s a start!
@kathleen-
“Oh that’s an essay question”
BRILLIANT…I am adopting it.
thx…
I wonder if anyone else is noticing the pattern I am, here. Are we allowed to talk here about patterns noticed here?
Oh, HA HA HA HA HA. Ha.
The name-at-the-coffee-shop thing kills me. First they ask, complete with spelling details, and then they mangle anyway.
My baby sister, whose name is even weirder than mine, gives a false coffee name. Last time we were together it was Tiffany. She was completely matter-of-fact about it when I looked at her and gaped, like “what are you going to do?”
the where are you from thing drove me NUTs for years. Its code for ‘You’re English what are you doing here bog off’ I happen to be a scottish/southafrican/latvian/hugenot with a great aunt who was a founding member of the scottish nationalist party. So I made a film about her and weirdly enough afterwards the questions about where I came from dropped dramatically. I think I’d just unconsciously decieded to not make it an issue and they just stopped …
And the what do you do for a living … euch… I organise my courses in a way that people are NOT allowed to ask that about each other – instead I want to know interesting things about them – their favourite childhood game, smell, meal – I don’t give a TOSS about how you make your living. Its the least interesting thing about someone – unless they work for M15
Peals of laughter.
“What do you do?” ….”Play. As much as I can.” Or…”I’m an internet maven (or goddess).”
“People pay for that?”…..They do!!! With a big smile while not volunteering any additional information. If follow up questions ensue, just say, “It’s fun and I make a good living….What’s fun about your job?”
“What are you doing for the holidays?”….My answer this year was “Trying to avoid getting into fights with anyone’s family. And probably drinking.” Once again, the big smile and no additional information volunteered.
I’ve always wondered what lawyering was good for, now I know! It’s wonderful training for giving straight faced completely uninformative answers to all kinds of questions.
You know, you don’t even have to say “I make a good living.” Just, “they do!!” and “It’s fun!!”
Now, where is my tea!!!! MUAH!!
Great answers. I love the flippant ones- but serious question: what do you say when it’s a judgemental, throwing shoes family member, and it’s important to boyfriend that I not say something silly? Gah. I am stressing already. Mybe it’s my own stuff/ patterns like someone said above. Am I ashamed that I don’t have a job and don’t live in Bolivia? I am working on things that will lead to a career (hopefully) and on things that will save more money that I could make in a j.o.b. plus BF says his quality of life is improved dramatically by my taking care of our lives and home. So it’s just me I guess. I’m so glad I can talk about this here.
hahahaha – my least favorites are:
what are you doing for thanksgiving? – (i stay home and make nachos) I reply “i’ll be relaxing” – because i know it’s a) the truth and b) going to make them jealous. 🙂
how is the photography business going? – ummm….slow. i know they are just happy for me and my talent. but i’ve had to slow it to a trickle to have a personal life. still haven’t found a good answer.
when are you going full time? – this one is awkward, because it is usually asked either by my coworkers, who I’m sure don’t *mean* to sound like they want to get rid of me, or by my clients, who I hate to disappoint by telling them that they don’t pay me enough for that. no good answer yet.
what are you working on? – bleh. what i work on as a software engineer is really really boring. but due to the nature of my work, i’m not allowed to disclose what it is. but if i say that, people get even more curious.
and there’s the ever present: how is your love life going? anyone special? no. not for years, thanks. ouch. maybe if you didn’t ask questions i’d have more time for man-hunting. :-/
this was a good exercise in identifying some of my sore spots, funny but true.
Q: What are you doing for (insert holiday here)?
A: If I told you, I’d have to kill you too.
Q: Where are you from?
A: Planet X
Q: What’s your name?
A: You mean in this lifetime?
Q: What do you do for a living?
A: I go to trendy nightclubs and pick pockets.
Oh! and a more recent one would be: what are you doing on December 3rd in Sacramento?
I have decided on the answer: it’s small business mentoring meets therapy meets tony robins meets yoga.
…this confuses them enough that they don’t ask anymore questions.
I. Love. This. Love! Especially everyone’s brilliant ideas.
*Where Are You From?*
I was abducted by aliens so I do not remember.
Actually, I am a gypsy from Albania. That’s why I’ve lived in so many places. Yes, I am an albino gypsy.
From the USSR.
New Jersey.
Europe.
I am in a witness protection program, so I am not at liberty to say. (@Lissa: can I just steal it from you?)
From away. Far, faaaaar away *googley eyes* (@Jude: I am going to try this idea of yours immediately. You need to tell me what your experiences with this answer have been!)
*What’s your name?*
Ginnie.
Virginia.
Lolita.
Camomile (or pick your flower of the day).
Attention.
Rainbow.
Don Carlos.
*What do you do for a living?*
I type. (I read it on Chris Brogan’s blog, I think. I actually use this answer – it’s a fun way to change the subject.)
I am a writer. I write emails.
I am a dominatrix.
I am a kindergarten teacher.
I am half dominatrix, half kindergarten teacher.
As little as possible. (@andrea: love this one, will give it a whirl.)
I keep the economy warm.
I answer silly questions. What do you do?
@Sarah: yes! I have the same problem talking about the Fluent Self blog with anyone. So, I resolved not to have to explain it, because it’s something that people need to read for themselves to understand. So if I want to “give an attribution”, I say, I read it on the Fluent Self… oh, it’s an online philosophy resource… and then no further explanation, just talking about the topic that I wanted to reference.
Answer to all of the above:
“Ahhh, its a long story!”
All bets on people hating long stories and will change the subject themselves. or take 2 steps back hoping that “I” wont actually launch into the long story, or check their watch and run away for their next appointment.
hahaha – works every time.!
@michelle – Goat Herding: The Movie! Love it. And there has to be a little sound effect of a goat going Meeeeeeh (or however you are supposed to spell goat noises) right after you say the title, I think. Goat Noises is totally my new fake band.
This morning I totally lied to a bunch of people at work who tossed out the seemingly-innocuous “How was your Thanksgiving”…for some reason I couldn’t say AMAZING (which is exactly what the Great Ducking Out was) but I did say that we had my brother and his girlfriend over. This actually happened on Friday, but they don’t know — I feel secret glee about that, for some reason. It feels good to maintain that little layer of privacy.
Ooooo fun answers everybody!
Serena, could you say that you spoil your BF rotten? would he jump in with a list of ways his life is better with you taking such amazing care of him?
Sarah, I know the problem! Plus, I have the issue of wanting to mention something brilliant from here, but not wanting the IRL person to come here and find my safe room. So if I go ahead with the mention at all, it tends to become, “I was wandering around the internet the other day, and….”
If anyone still needs a great sarcastic answer for the Bolivia thing, tweet me.
Happy Monday!
Oh God I love this too – super useful!
It totally shouldn’t surprise me anymore that my wacky mental minefields are shared by Havi and the chickeneers, but… it does! And this sharing, it makes me so, so very happy!
Being unconventional means that those darn conventional direct questions just don’t fit well. And then I get all “Don’t pin me down! Don’t judge me by a label!” and I freak out and feel dishonest and evasive, and people wind up staring at me because I’ve had nuclear melt downs trying to answer “How’s your work going?” or “What’s your favorite color?” or “What’s your name?”
My fav. reply so far: Kathleen’s “That’s an essay question.” <3<3<3
Ohh, I feel you here. I’ve gotten so tired of spouting a paragraph of description when folks ask me what I do that I just respond, “I’m a paid geek.” It seems to work. If it’s a more formal situation, I pull out the totally vague phrase web professional. Yes, I am a pro on the internet, how about that. I can surf with the masters, I tell you what.
@Jenia: “I answer silly questions. What do you do?” I may need to steal this for the future. 😀
I think the question that bugs me most is actually coupled with an action: the salutatory “what’s up?” or “how are you?” as people keep walking past. They clearly don’t care about the answer, since they don’t even pause as they pass, so why not say a simple “hi!” or “beautiful day!” or “good evening!” or something? Something that doesn’t open the door for real conversation, however brief, that might require one to stop walking for a moment? It makes me flail. Internally.
Also, I love everyone’s answers. You guys rock.
As one with a (voluntarily) complicated last name, I totally feel the pain on this one. But there’s a family tradition of giving fake names in restaurants etc. When my dad was in college, he and his roommates would play a little game when they ordered take-out. One person would leave for the burger joint and the other would call in the order. The pick up person would then have to figure out which of the names being called was his- and then walk up to the counter and collect the order for “Harry Chest.”
To my knowledge, my dad has never given his real name to a hostess.
To some of these ‘essay questions’, I’ll often ask, “Do you want the short version or the long version?” Their response lets me know if a real conversation is possible/desirable or if this is just a polite question and a non-answer answer is appropriate.
Loving that I’m not the only one who hates these kind of questions!
oh, way back when I was living in Chicago, one of my friends told someone that she was a cliff diver. She spun out this whole long story and actually snowed the guy. (“Yes, most of the time I work in Acapulco; I’m sure you’ve seen the photographs.”)
What can I say, other than it was a long time ago…and it was in a bar. (no surprise)
I think the thing is to do what you’ve done today–do a little pre-planning. Then you’re ready for the ambush, when it comes.
I am bowled-over-excited that other people have trouble with the “where are you from?” question too. I always feel like I’m either lying or, in an effort to be honest, completely boring the asker with a seemingly endless list. And what’s worse is the follow up–“Oh, were you a military brat?” as Lissa mentioned because the reason we moved so much… well, it’s not one you give someone you’ve just met. (Like Jenia, I’m seriously tempted to steal Lissa’s witness protection answer!)
Ugh. “What do you do?” is so complicated when you don’t fit neatly into a box, when you do two different things that don’t normally go together and you live in a world where you’re only “supposed” to do one thing. I am so glad to hear I’m not the only one who struggles with this. Count me in with the fans of Kathleen’s “That’s an essay question.”
When I had a customer service job, I had a fake name I would give to difficult or creepy customers who insisted on knowing my name. Most of us did. “Gina” still pops up once in a while when circumstances warrant.
just went back and read some of the other comments…
Am I the oldest one here? probably. So from my vantage point as the village elder, can I just say: There’s no need to apologize for how we choose to spend our time.
The hub and I just turned down a Christmas Eve invite. We like to be at home on Christmas Eve. We like our own traditions. We don’t need to be jollied by someone who feels sorry for us because our families are far away. All I said was, “Thank you, but we already have plans.”
See under: Sovereignity.
Oh yes, this is huge!!!
I don’t want to be too rude and I usually want the asker to mind their own business. Also, I’ve realized that people often don’t really want an answer; it’s simply something to say and they say it because they think it’s expected of them.
Here’s what I do (playing absolutely required!):
What are your doing for [holiday]?
– whatever I want
– oh, I never plan those things. You?
What’s your name?
I play a wonderful game that I call Incognito. To play you simply be someone else entirely for a period of time – an entire day of errand running, while you’re on the bus or waiting in line at the DMV, whatever. During the game, you ARE someone else. You pick a different name, different story about yourself and your life, etc. and you get to make it up as you go along. Sometimes I’m intentionally shocking, other times I simply try on being different people. How would people relate to me if I was a stripper or an astro-physicist, for example?
Also I’ve always liked the answer Julia Roberts’ character gives in Pretty Woman: “What do you want it to be?” Never tried that one though…
What do you do?
Usually I bat my eyes innocently and say, “For money?” Works every time. No one knows what to do with this so they immediately change the subject.
If I need a serious answer, I ignore the “for a living” part and say, “I do yoga, take walks, hang out with my cat, work if work shows up.”
My least favorite questions are of the “What time can I expect you to X”? variety, as in, “What time will you be home? When are you going to go to bed? I’m sure these are innocent questions, but they feel parental and controlling to me. And how am I supposed to know ahead of time anyway? I’ll be home when I get home and go to bed when I feel like doing that…..
There’s always: “I don’t know”
Spoken honestly, wonderingly, with friendly eye contact….
You know, there really should be a class on how to pitch people out of elevators when they ask you annoying questions… *ponders this*
I hate the holiday questions. I don’t mind people assuming I have holiday plans – it’s statistically likely – but I hate being asked why I don’t, and expressing sympathy. Just because my plans don’t involve blood family and wrapped presents and a tree doesn’t mean they’re not cool. (I swear, next time I’m telling them the truth: Christmas day I might well be eating mince pies, knitting, and writing kinky gay smut. Because that’s how I rock.)
Our restaurant name is “Fritz.” Sometimes it gets a curious look, but no one ever asks for an explanation, and apparently it isn’t difficult to hear or spell (unlike our actual names).
My favorite answer is “Oh, the usual” or “Oh, you WOULD ask that” (with a roll of the eyes).
And yes, Malwina, I got asked, “So, how’s that business going?” about a gillion times from people just trying to make conversation. My answers included:
“Oh, you wouldn’t believe it”
“Well, you know, I’m sure, about such things, how’s your life?”
“Just as fabulous as you can possibly imagine”
And to the What Do You DO question?
“Mostly nap”
“drink coffee, give bossy advice to people who pay me for it + stay in my pjs”
“Oh, well, you know, that’s complicated. Why don’t you tell me about your work?”
And to the Bolivia question?
“I’d love to get started on that right away, do you know of an empty bedroom?”
“well, we stopped long enough to come to this (fill in event)”
And to the “What’s your name” question?
Pinkie
Antoinette
T-rex
Sparkles
Sprinkles
Cupcake
Yo Momma
Wishin you all fabulously inappropriate answers at the rest of your holiday events 🙂
Oh, the “What’s your name” question!
I usually just agree to the first thing/whatever comes out of their mouths when they try to repeat or read my name, just to get it over with. As in, whatever, I know what you mean when you call me Yelma, Yolanda, Yelanka, Elaina, Elyana, etc.
BUT! I’m playing with the idea of giving them a lesson in pronunciation from now on – complete with theory on Russian sounds, explanation of tongue positioning and demonstration, little phonetic exercises? Making them practice and not letting go until they get it just right? Like, you wanted to know my name? Now you know it! Bwahahahahaha!
But there’s still the “Where are you from” torture… arhh! They usually assume I’m a tourist or something, because right away they start this “How do you like it here” and “What do you like about this country” interrogation. And when I sheepishly mention that I actually live here, they immediately turn around and go “Oh, welcome to America!!!”.
Umm, 8 years ago this would’ve been more timely, but still thanks… I think… Ugh :/
For all questions that I suddenly don’t want to answer, whatever they may be, I say, “Why do you ask?” Sometimes I smile when I say it. Sometimes I just say it.
Independence Day: The day I figured out no one actually cares about the answers to these questions and I don’t need to spend one iota of energy fretting about it.
Also, when I told people my plan to spend Thanksgiving alone, walking and then eating sushi they drooled with jealousy.
I use “roller derby” for coffee/food/hostess situations.
What am I doing for Thanksgiving/Christmas/and federal holiday – going on Sabbatical to the land of misfit toys. I’m looking to change careers.
What I do for work – I have a chargeable rate, so I’m afraid I’ll have to charge you if we discuss further. Or pretend to be a consultant. Nobody knows what we do, and they never ask follow up questions.
Your answers to ‘What’s your name?’ are similar to the names my friend Rachel gives her fiction characters. She has a character called Harmonica! And another one called Jingle Bells. And one called Zeem, a Persian perfume fairy who lives in a British tenement flat and eats air freshener when he can’t afford perfume. He’s my favourite.
He lives here: http://www.rachelastruc.com/the-perfume-eater/
I don’t like giving my name either because too many people write down ‘Chole’. I had a mechanic call me once and call me Chole over the phone.
For most unwanted questions, I move Ralph Wiggum to the front of my V and say:
My cat’s breath smells like cat food.
more from/about Ralph:
http://www.snpp.com/guides/ralph.file.html
Name at a restaurant: Worf, son of Mogh (guaranteed you’ll be the only one)
whee!
In the spirit of play I will share my own favourite response to an annoying question.
The Scene: I am pregnant (14 years ago now).
The Annoying Question: What are you having?
My Answer: Well, I’m pretty sure it’s not kittens.
Baffled looks ensue.
JoVE
I would love to know how many kittens jovanevery ended up having!
Also, my all-purpose contributions:
5. “Oh, sticking close to home.”
4. “New York.” (usually followed by “I knew it!” I also sometimes say, “Seattle,” which is usually followed by “I knew it!”)
3. I just say “Kay” in restaurants. This works great unless the person asking is a Spanish speaker, but that’s never more than a moment or so of out-of-context error before they recover.
2. “I find fault with other people’s work for a living.”
1. I don’t get a lot of follow-on questions when I whip out answer #2.
(I do look sad when I give answer #2 – it’s not an especially uplifting line of work.)