Yesterday we thought about containers, which is a word I dislike but a concept I love.
So we actually talked about shelter (and about blanket forts and ship voyages).
And building a sukkah (conceptual or otherwise) to symbolically hold us while we go through whatever it is we’re needing to go through.
…. and I said I’d share more from our time at the Rally (Rally!). Talk about containers. That was a blanket fort of total wild rumpusry of a container.
We had Shiva Nata each morning to challenge the brain because how could we not.
And then — post-brain-scramble — we did these stone skipping exercises where we asked questions and elicited smart answers from somewhere deep within that lovely state of chaos.
Here it is in two parts. If any of it makes sense, I will be astonished. But there are some marvelous bits of true hidden in there.
Part 1: Talking to the slightly-in-the-future version of you.
The idea: Talking to the me who has already worked on this. Say, me in a few days from now, post-Rally. And who now has a more loving relationship with herself and with the project.
What reassurances does she have to offer you?
Everything you might work on here is useful! And equally valuable. Equally!
That’s because each one feeds and strengthens the other.
This is not a house that needs to have one part done before the next one can be built.
As long as you are in your space with clear boundaries, and you have good rituals for transitions, it doesn’t matter where or with what you begin.
What advice would she like to give you?
Create spaces and space around you.
Boundaries around the boundaries.
Make them visible and invisible. Build them with blocks and markers.
What does she wish you knew?
How to make separations. And also to see how things are connected.
Invocations are not just symbolic. They define the space.
Writing about what you want to write instead of just writing is a valuable use of your time.
The best projectizing is all about setting it up for the magic crazy wonderful things to happen.
And that’s why you need big designated chunks of time, for transitioning in and out.
A fort of protection!
Seriously, honey. A blanket fort in your room is a marvelous idea.
Okay. Do you have something to give me as a resource, me-who-has-done-this?
Endless permission slips! Also: blocks to start making your fort.
A Playground that is supposed to be played in. Costumes!
The reminder that you are the Pirate Queen.
Play play play play play play play!
You are learning to make everything fun and full of playfulness and ease. That is why this is a Rally (Rally!) and not a retreat or a seminar.
How far away are you?
I am not far at all. The more you talk to me, the closer we are.
I am hiding in the trees. I can see you but you can’t see me. When you can see me, I will come to you.
Anything else you want to tell me?
Yes! About the Week of Biggification (pickles). This is important.
You are headed in the right direction. And it’s time for you to really truly know and understand that this is the exact right thing to be doing.
You did not just pick Grove Park Inn as the right place because the Playground hadn’t been born.
You picked it because specific things need to happen there. There is a purpose to being there. It’s about redefining luxury, comfort, ease and growth. This week will be more magical because it’s there.
The setting will be a sukkah for you. It will hold all of you and be a canopy of peace. And through all the hilarity and goofing off and laughing until you cry, it will be the ship that cares for you.
Part 2: A bunch of questions. But to me.
This is from the last day of the Rally. Extremely general exploratory questions.
What is true?
I am ready.
I am READY.
There is in fact no project that is too big for me.
All that process-process-process I’ve had to go through in order to have a Playground … I am done with things being so process-ey (even though I will of course keep processing things).
But there are no obstacles. There are NO obstacles.
I am learning how to remember to be a queen and how to rest and how to have supportive structures all around me. And this is all possible. Everything I want: doable.
This is messing with my head. I didn’t even know I wanted things. But now apparently they’re doable.
What am I wrong about?
How much of me people need. Really it’s the essence. The frame.
With those structures, I am not needed. Just for my me-ness to be present as a quality.
I don’t need to do as much. All I need to do is provide these forms and containers (see
I’m also wrong about how much time it takes for things to change.
There is deep internal experience/programming that says (quite emphatically): “But things have to take a long time”.
And there is a kernel of truth in that.
The truth is: germination and gestation is a process, and an ongoing one.
But it is also true that some things happen unbelievably fast. What if the qualities of germination and gestation can somehow combine with speed and safety? What if …?
I need maps and a wishroom STAT! Also to mark out the next stations in that crazy labyrinth.
What do I know?
The map I made from the labyrinth. That could totally be the thing that lets me know what to spend time on each day.
REST times lead to IDEA CAVE DREAM SEED times lead to RALLY TIMES and they all actually lead to each other.
I can do rest-dream-rally or rest-rally-dream or dream-rest-rally or dream-rally-rest or rally-dream-rest or rally-rest-dream!
Just like in Dance of Shiva. All points connect in all ways. Anything can be arranged into a new pattern.
Map this. Paint it. Make it true. Have actual real-life stations where you go in order to do and experience these things.
Three different types of blanket fort for three different types of experiences. Ask what they are and imagine them.
Design a safe room or sanctuary for you.
It’s a sukkah. And very … lavish somehow.
There are these huge pomegranates. Ripe fruit. Glowing gourds. Goblets. Embroidered cushions.
Gold threads in the red and white fabric that makes up the “walls”.
It is both sumptuous and temporary. It is a place I am going to in order to be cared for while certain processes are in place. In that way it is also like a mikveh.
Design a safe room or sanctuary for your project.
It’s a round room. Small, like in a turret.
And there are vine-like things to climb on. It’s like a crazy climbing gym, and my project is doing really fun strength-training exercises.
It is in training to be strong, flexible, speedy in its reactions. Calm under all circumstances. Healthy, happy.
It has the glow of exertion and power. It knows what to do and it’s doing it.
What do I know about closure?
That things are always opening and closing. It’s what they do.
That transitions and rituals are hugely important.
That taking time to turn away from something has meaning.
That I am tangled up with X partly because of no closings, and these traditions of lines being kept open, through dreams and hopes and memories.
That closure is like curtains closing. It is brief and temporary and a symbol.
Some things need to close to be closed. This is what makes room for the next door.
It’s not that one door closes and another one opens. It’s more that one closes so the next one can open. Sometimes.
What does my project know about transitions?
They happen in space and in time.
They have a symbolic importance that then translates into the real world. And even if you can’t see the stages, they’re happening.
Cubbies! Why do we not have cubbies? Also we need a phone booth or something to change costumes in. Oh yes.
Play with me! And comment zen for today.
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. We let people have their stuff and their own experience. And we don’t give advice (unless someone specifically asks).
What I’d love today: play with me play with me play with me!
Even if you’re not a Shivanaut yet, if you want to put any of these questions to yourself and answer them, awesome. Or if you just want to think out loud (or not) about any aspect of this. Shana Tova.
*blows kiss to all the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers, and everyone who reads*
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I vote for a police box rather than a phone box. You’ll have a bit more privacy, they’re large enough so you can get your kit off without bumping your elbows all the time, and they can travel in time.
That’s what I want for my safe room. A TARDIS. Something that’s bigger on the inside than the outside, that can change its shape, so it can blend in and look completely innocuous from the outside. So no one would even think of attacking it or trying to get inside, even though if they did, they couldn’t, because it’s a frickin TARDIS, baby. No one gets in. Unless you invite them. And take them along on the journey.
Yay for posts full of stuff. With true stuff, who needs sense?
.-= Willie Hewes´s last post … The Mechanics of Monster Whispering =-.
Lovely!!! Safe and speedy and not a container (that word reminds me of repression, jail, containment…not such safe associations). Organic places of love, support, safety, boundaries that are temporary or not but still live on after they are gone.
Play!!!! Sleep!!! Rest!!!
Lovely. (big smile). These posts make me feel like I have a processing playtime cohort. The company is grand. And the insightful approaches help me with my own stuff. Thank you.
Ohhhhhhh a TARDIS!!!!!!!!! SO SOOOOOOO COOOOOOOL!!! I want a long scarf with question marks on it and impossibly ruffled hair to go with!!!
I’d like to share some of my own answers to some of these questions, sparked by my Shiva Nata practice I am sure, but also channeled through stuffed-up sinuses, scratchy throat, and trembly fatigue. (One thing I’ve learned about myself is that some of my inner wisdom comes out faster and truer when I’m not feeling well, when I simply don’t have the energy for my usual stuckifications.) I was thinking about my PhD program when I asked the questions…
What is true? I am not to be squished.
What am I wrong about? I am wrong when I think that I have to work harder. No. That is the path of eternal resistance. I have to play easier.
What do I know? That when I play instead of work, it changes my relationship to my fears. Instead of dreading them/avoiding them, there is an expectation of charging wildly into them and yelling, “Wheeeeeee!” Like with roller-coasters. Except, wait, I don’t like roller coasters. Only sometimes I do. Having people to ride with me makes them less scary. So, I do want some playmates and traveling companions.
A sanctuary for me: A cottage by the sea. Uncluttered. Ocean waves and breezes. Spaciousness, within and without.
A sanctuary for my project: A private study — but with an open-door policy, and times that guests are welcome there. Club chairs. Wood paneling. Built-in bookshelves.
What does my project know about transitions? That it’s okay to take a stand. It’s okay to choose a position. It’s okay to have an opinion, and to have some people agree, and others disagree. Things aren’t all black and white, and things really aren’t all right or wrong. I can be the expert on my own shades of grey. My shades of grey are as worthy as anyone else’s. They needn’t be stagnant, either. They can shift. That doesn’t make me a fool. That makes me an explorer.
What do I know about closure? That things are always closing and opening, like a flower. Closure isn’t terminal.
A sweet and happy new year to you! I am excited for us all.
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Feeling the good kind of tired… =-.
This was actually good motivation to practice earlier in the morning. Lovely.
One of the things I wrote was interesting.
What does my project know about transitions?
Yes. Still not sure about this project thing. What does my business know about transitions. It knows more than I do. (insert chuckling business) It is transitioning even as we speak. It is morphing into the thing it intended to be all along, which is not exactly what I envisioned for it. Possibly we might spend some time chatting about what it envisions for itself; it might be enlightening.
.-= Elizabeth´s last post … why- hello there =-.
those look suspiciously like Doctor Who references, guys 🙂
Interesting about only needing your essence. That really delves deep into your Queen metaphor but also makes /total sense/. It’s a healthy way to avoid evolving into a cult of personality and to squirrel away lovely secret things about you within you, to keep something to you.
All this screams needing a line of perfumes and such though. “Essence of Havi” and all. Scents are powerful. Concoct a formula and you could have a nifty mnemonic device for your workshoppers. 🙂
I know I’ve been craving a workspace for a sanctuary. I need to literally get my house in order! I have stuff strewn about that hasn’t been touched in almost a year because I don’t have a direction. Feh. Living at home = not all it’s cracked up to be, guys. Planning my escape has proven to be exciting.
Wishing everyone a fabulous, playful day!
.-= mish´s last post … tilling the good earth =-.
Havi, I loved that the slightly-in-the-future you is “hiding in the trees” and can see you (and will converse with you) but will only come when you are able to see her.
I clicked your CANOPY OF PEACE link and read the slightly-in-the-past you speak about her vision of The Fluent Self, which is so beautiful and appears to have come to pass. I guess You-in-the-trees must have come to visit her. 🙂
Thank you, thank you for sharing your canopy.
.-= Rupa´s last post … Extreme Vegetables =-.
what is true? I am sad.
what am I wrong about? that this is a bad thing, to be sad.
what do I know? that if I give this transition in my life time to be, there will be immense gigglingly-wondrous delight and joy on the other side.
a sanctuary for me: a pool of water, still cool water, I am in the middle of this water, sending slow ripples out… there will be other sanctuaries but this is my sanctuary now.
a sanctuary for my project: a shoebox on the top shelf in a closet, safe and hidden and exciting, filled with what I don’t know yet.
what does my project know about closure: that gentleness and power go hand in hand. that time will hold me. (what that has to do with closure, specifically, I don’t know. I also saw a peacock with his splendrous tail, and what that has to do with closure, I also don’t know.)
what does my project know about transitions: that this leavetaking-transition I’m in is tremendously important, and my project is just so excited and thrilled for me to be moving through it.
Huh. That’s all a lot more reassuring than where I thought I was going, when I started with sadness!
.-= Karen Sharp´s last post … stalking at the crossroads =-.
@Karen – I love all the surprises in there. Love the peacock too.
@Rupa – thank you, my dear
@mish – oh. Scent! Interesting. Bottled something. And hooray for escape plans.
@Elizabeth – I adore your chuckling business. Hilarious. I can almost hear it laughing. Brilliant.
@Kat “things are always opening and closing like a flower” = beautiful. Just beautiful. Thank you for that.
@Maria – yay!
@Willie – TARDIS TARDIS TARDIS! And you are so right about the police box.
Olly olly oxen free, me-from-the-future! 😉
Having fallen in love with Superman when I was five, I love the idea of a phone booth for changing into costumes. However, access to time and relative dimension in space sounds like just the thing. Note to self: procure jelly babies.
.-= claire´s last post … Trillium and self-portrait =-.
What is true?
I am loved. And I am strong. And I have what I need, even if I don’t know it.
What am I wrong about?
I am wrong to think that I must give and give and give without ceasing. Because that benefits nobody, including the people I’m ostensibly giving to.
I am also wrong when I take out my frustrations at over-extending myself on my family. Not good, not happy.
What do I know?
Taking time off allows me to be more productive when I work. So I need to do it. And when I think I can’t do it? I am wrong.
Design a safe room or sanctuary for you.
It is a bedroom. With a huge bed. And white sheets and blankets and pillows. And a breakfast tray, filled with breakfast. And beautiful paper and real pens, and a computer. And sunshine. And warmth. And I can stay there, in my pajamas, FOREVER.
In fact, maybe I’ll stop answering questions now and go do that. 😉
.-= Amber´s last post … Married to a Dreamer =-.
Soooo much wonderfulness in this post, so much that makes sense to me. This bit really hit, though:
“The truth is: germination and gestation is a process, and an ongoing one.
“But it is also true that some things happen unbelievably fast. What if the qualities of germination and gestation can somehow combine with speed and safety? What if …?”
I’ve been pondering a similar dynamic lately. The SLOW, the frustrating, surprising, yet familiar slow, the powerful yet hidden tree-roots-break-rocks-given-enough-time slow. Inhabiting the slow, trusting it, feeling its energy, not fighting it.
BUT, speed is also true. Sometimes things happen quickly, or appear that way. Critical mass is reached. Synchronicities occur. Long-practiced skills are mastered and begin to have cascading effects.
Holding on to both of those truths is a challenge for me, along with accepting that I don’t necessarily know which mode is in play around any particular project or creation.
Just pondering “out loud” – thanks for the space.
Oh, and what is a TARDIS? Sounds fabulous, but I’m unfamiliar with the term.
.-= Cindy Morefield´s last post … Savannah- 2 for 2 =-.
Cindy, TARDIS stands for “time and relative dimension in space” and refers to the police box that is used for travel throughout time and space in the television series Doctor Who. The Doctor is a timelord who tends to pick up companions for journeys throughout the universe and history.
Technically the TARDIS has a chameleon circuit which would allow it to blend in with any surrounding but The Doctor’s is broken and he likes it as the blue police box anyway. It is bigger on the inside than the outside by unfathomable amounts (though you rarely get to see other parts of the vessel on the show). Good fun!
.-= claire´s last post … Trillium and self-portrait =-.
Thanks for filling me in, claire. TARDIS does indeed sound like great fun, and so very useful!
.-= Cindy Morefield´s last post … Savannah- 2 for 2 =-.
A huge, huge thank you, thank you! I finally got to the bottom of my feed, discovered this in the depth of my heel-digging resistance towards working on my MA thesis. Plus what a great excuse to do some Shiva Nata again!
Advice from future me
Take time to do Shiva Nata before you start working on the thesis, and find a system shutdown ritual when you finish, so that you bookend your thesis time. Be present in what you do, whether it is spending time with the baby, working on your thesis, or anything else. The time you get to spend at home with the baby writing your thesis is a gift – make your thesis a work of gratitude.
What is true?
I can do this. I have the skills and the understanding to create a kickass MA thesis.
What am I wrong about?
My standards are too high. I don’t have to create perfect chapters to be handed in for feedback. I can leave myself space for improvement.
What do I know?
I know I have to use different techniques to lower my standards. I know that if I give the technique-assigning task to Teacher Me, Student Me will get to spend her energy on the research and the writing.
A sanctuary for me.
Woolly socks, tea, a rocking chair and a comfy couch. A side table with a pile of books and a fridge with scrumptious sandwiches that you can easily eat while reading. A crackling fire and, apart from that, silence.
A sanctuary for my project.
A library with bookshelves to the ceiling. A huge table with my laptop, books, papers, and in the middle a large sheet of paper and some colored pencils. The large paper is a place for my everything-there-is-to-know-about-the-thesis mind map.
What do I know about closure?
A bookending ritual. Put away the toys before taking new ones. Picking up after yourself – really, really hard. A connotation of giving up something wonderful. Would like to transform it more towards letting go than being forced to give up.
What does my project know about transitions?
The biggest transition of my student career – after this I’m good to graduate. Explicating transitions as a teacher very helpful. Could explicating transitions in my work help too? A ritual for finishing work sessions as well as a ritual for finishing chapters, papers to submit, other episodes within the process.
And much, much more. This might well be something I could recommend to everyone in my thesis seminar, if only because designing the sanctuaries was wonderful. So much goodness!! Thank you!
.-= Sari O.´s last post … Thoughts on presence =-.