Your internal culture is more important than your thing.
By “thing”, I mean: Whatever it is that you do, or want to do, or think you should be able to tell people that you do.
Your internal culture is more important than your thing because your thing will change.
But the culture will hold itself.
Culture. Holds. Itself.
And the more time you spend learning about the qualities, the superpowers, the Book of You and all the other elements of your internal and external worlds, the stronger, more radiant and more sustainable that culture will be.
Postscripts.
- You don’t need to have a thing.
- See also: ten myths about biggification.
- In fact, it is often *better* to not have a thing. I recommend it! Unless, of course, you’re tortured by having to get something very specific out into the world. In which case, maybe that’s your thing. Awesome.
- I don’t have a thing. I do have an approach. And a strong culture that I’ve been developing over the past six-seven years. And spaces, both physical and online. But I don’t define what I do.
- Speaking of things you don’t need to do or have… I also think you can skip having to take a leap or (tfu tfu tfu) face your fear, both of which are highly overrated.
- Yay, Scanners! Everyone should read Barbara Sher’s Refuse to Choose.
- This internet world is full of expert biggifiers who are deeply invested in the idea that you need to have a thing and to decide already. And to name it and define it. That tells you something about their culture. About their world, not about yours.
- Everything that comes up for you around this theme is a pattern. And all patterns contain information about how to bring in a new pattern.
The commenting blanket fort.
Usual comment zen applies. We make this a safe space.
We do that by agreeing that each person here takes loving ownership for his/her experience. We meet our questions and pain with love. We make room for each other. And we don’t tell each other what to do or how to feel. We play. We process. Sometimes we also call silent retreat, and that’s always okay too.
Kisses.
Follow
as always, but somehow more than usual, this couldn’t have come at a more perfect time.
yay.
and of course.
thank the goddesses for you and all of your counter-cultural declarations that are somehow made genuinely but with love and gentleness.
Ohhh, thank you for this!
This week, I’m struggling to remember, and to hold on to the belief, that I get to define my internal culture. If others see it differently, that’s their stuff interacting with my stuff. It’s interesting information, perhaps, but I can do what I like with it, and it doesn’t mean that my internal culture isn’t whatever I declare it to be. It doesn’t mean that I’m not exactly the person I choose to be.
Havi,
thanks for writing this.
Somehow it came at exactly the right time, and now I can feel it going through me like an earthquake through a piece of rock that was already about to split. I can’t see what the fallout of the earthquake will be yet, but what I do know is that it feels good.
I think my worldview has shifted subtly. We’ll see what comes of this in the next few months. 🙂
This is REALLY hard for me, because I’m very driven in my career and most of my world revolves around my projects, my job, my passion for social justice. But I have started learning to focus more on values than on details, whenever possible, which I think is akin to your idea of an internal culture.
Mmmmm. Yes. Thank you. I can tell this is the stuff, because it made me relax all over.
That is, until I started thinking about how I allowed myself to get panicked into picking a thing. Ugh.
I find myself wanting more and more to tiptoe away from Having a Thing. Not leave my thing behind! I love my thing.
But I don’t want to feel like a lyin’ cheatin’ two-timer for having a few things.
So thank you for the links.
This deserves another sigh.
Mmmmmm…. And another thank you.
This is really interesting and true Havi, thank you.
What has happened for me is that by notincing and acknowledging the so-called ‘less important’ things they have grown and flourished.
I’m now getting the courage to begin editing out or letting go of some of the official ‘things’ I supposedly ‘do’ that give me my job title, status in the world of folks who care about that stuff, etc. This feels good because that thing is not me and does not bring me joy.
I’m not having to force it, it’s just happening naturally and gradually, pretty much driven by. Just. Noticing. x
This is like a long deep exhale for me this afternoon. Or maybe a slow sip of tea. Something good for certain!
I loved “Refuse to Choose”! One of those serendipitous library risk-takings that paid off in spades 🙂 Of course, I’m generally in favor of books that help convince me that I’m not crazy and there’s nothing wrong with me…
Whoa. WHOA!
It’s OKAY to not have a thing?
It’s okay to not have a thing!
This may be the best news I’ve heard all day.
Thanks so much Havi. This is the most useful thing I could possibly have read right now. I had a conversation with my mum today — she really is supportive and amazing. But every now and then she doesn’t want me to get hurt, or disappointed, so she wants me to be realistic. When I tell her my latest dream project, she sighs, and says stuff like: “you just have so many interests.”
Then I get scared and think (or rather, my monsters get scared and roar): “She’s RIGHT! I’m too diffuse!! Arghghglargghharghh I’ll never get anything done!! Failure! Wastrel!”
This ignores the fact that I’ve actually done a bunch of things. But if I focus on the “how” I’m doing my life instead of the “what” I’m doing… I have a sneaking suspicion that things might get done anyways. Kind of by accident.
Ummm, also, hello all. I am an ex-beloved-lurker. Grateful and pleased to join you.
I have a lot to say in response to this, so much that I’ve decided to silent retreat instead.
Except to say that I’ve decided to call my Thing and all of my prrrojects, including the Book of Me, “Cabo Bojador”, which is the farthest south on the coast of Africa that any Europeans had been until about 1424.
Oh. Whoaaaaa….
Cabo Bojador is *so* wonderful.
Ahhh . . . permission to discover! try! flail! listen! without the pressure to produceachieveproduce. It’s like getting permission to take a big, long sigh.
Hmmm . . . who are we outside and inside of our things?
So helpful! I have a thing. I think a have a thing. And I want to jump right into thing-havingness. But I’m enjoying spending extra time just having a me, and I think the thing will be better (and quite likely different) if I let it percolate for a bit. hmmm.
This ties in with my be-not-do Year Long Cruise metaphor. I’ve got to let this mull… and maybe doodle around with an actual Book of Me, which I’ve been dragging my feet on. Hmm.
Ohmigosh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you! And yes – Yay, Scanners!
@Kateness Nice to meet you! I’m an ex-beloved-lurker, too! Also named Kate! Yay!
And @Havi “The thing you think is less important is actually more important than the thing you think is the most important.” YES. At Rally! (Rally!) I kind of sort of started to be aware of this, and since then it’s become more and more clear. So, to echo others here, this came at the perfect time! Thank you! 🙂
Wow, good timing as usual! Total scanner, planning a business, trying to make it big enough to fit all of what I have to offer…focusing on culture is definitely the answer. Whew.
I still find the Idea that I, as one person, can carry a culture completely fascinating. But it makes sense as I see how my internal state is reflected back at me be others.
Havi, you’re so damn beautiful. Thank you for this.
You just helped to give me permission to lay out and watch a beautiful Spanish film and THEN maybe see to the thing. Because movies are part of my culture and maybe I need to start valuing all aspect of this culture of mine, rather than pay so much attention to an aspect or two, which now that I think about it, has sort of been wearing me out.
Heh. Run-on sentence win.
Love love love! Yay, no thing! I keep forgetting that. And double yay for Barbara Sher’s Refuse to Choose. Because my thing–which I don’t have–changes CONSTANTLY!
@Kate thanks so much for the lovely welcome. Hurrah for Kates!
@everybodyelse sending you blessings for a great weekend, thing-ful or thing-less.
I have realized that I don’t really have a “thing” – or at least not just one. But I do have a mission. This makes me feel like a super spy, which I love.