I have been thinking a lot lately about what I know. Examining the edges of it.
And also about the relationship between knowing that something is true (or true for you), and actually knowing it.
You know, getting it in a visceral, powerful, spine-tingly way so that it’s rooted in your consciousness and you cannot unknow it even if sometimes you forget.
Writing about this kind of wisdom is, of course, hugely problematic because most epiphanies sound embarrassingly obvious when you put them into words.
Still. It seemed like a useful exercise to take stock of some important things I’ve learned (mostly the hard way). And remember when these bits of wisdom found me.*
* The title refers to a something I wrote when my friend died.
What I know from Svevo, my favorite uncle.
There is nothing wrong with taking two naps a day.
Work is greatly overrated.
Your own way? Is actually a perfectly good way.
Going around things and going through things are both options. There is choice.
It is possible to do radically subversive things in a way that’s playful and lighthearted.
And what I know from yoga.
Speak truth. Have compassion.
And: It is not only possible, but desirable for both of these things to take place at the same time.
Anything that seems like a paradox is not. Including this.
Nonviolence trumps everything.
My body is my home.
From Andrey, my teacher.
Experiment.
Wisdom is to be shared.
Always be learning, reading, asking, innovating, re-imagining, turning things upside down.
Everything I thought was a sign of crazy was actually a sign of gifts.
My mind is my home.
From Paul.
People vary.
It is worth asking what the functional reason is for everything you do.
My spine is my home.
From Orna.
Any emotion is legitimate.
Letting yourself be where you are is what lets you move out of it.
If someone throws a shoe at you, it’s about them, not you.
But you still get to say, hey throwing shoes is not okay.
You cannot feel at home in the world if you do not feel at home in yourself.
My actual job is learning to be at home. To be welcoming towards myself so I can do that with other people.
From my very first business mentor.
Rest.
No, really. Rest.
When things aren’t working, get on the dance floor or the yoga floor or any floor and move your body.
Fun is a legitimate thing to value in business.
My business is also a place where I get to feel at home.
From my monsters.
Everything in my life wants me to be safe.
Even the hardest, most painful things have some kind of kernel of love in them.
That doesn’t mean I have to like them though.
Acknowledging pain and giving it legitimacy is the best way to get it to move.
That includes legitimacy for the part of me that doesn’t want to give my pain attention and love.
From Shiva Nata.
Anything can be taken apart into its elements and turned into something else.
Everything you know is wrong.
Chaos is useful.
Giving yourself permission to be terrible at something is as liberating as it is challenging.
There is tremendous power inside of you.
My brain is my home. My neurons are home. I am the eye of the storm.
From Hiro
You can’t get milk from a stone, sweetie.
It’s up to you to take responsibility for the ecology of your life.
That’s what sovereignty is about.
Not giving a damn about what other people think is totally a spiritual practice.
Related: humor is one of the most unappreciated and most valuable spiritual qualities there is. Worth remembering.
My life is my home.
Miscellaneous conclusion-ey stuff.
This is not by any means a complete list.
And really, the important part is not the bits of wisdom themselves, but how to take those crazy flashes of knowing and integrate them into the rest of your life.
Why this is on my mind:
I created the Playground so that Selma and I could teach in person. So it could be a home for this work.
Because in person we can implement the stuff we talk about here. We can use physical practice and delightfully wacky things to ground the knowing so that we can act on it and live it and all that good stuff.
Here’s the dilemma.
First, it’s hard to explain in words that something like Camp Biggification isn’t about giving you information, but about getting your body and brain onboard with the stuff you already know.
So you can go home and trust that you’re going to be approaching everything differently.
Second, it’s driving me crazy that I haven’t found a way to teach the implementation/integration part on the blog. There are just some things that need a designated time and space and tools for a certain kind of magic to happen.
Still pondering that one.
And comment zen for today …
The wisdom here is all stuff that is true for me.
It doesn’t mean that it has to be true for you or that you have to adopt it. Or that I won’t like you just as much if you don’t want it to be yours.
People vary, as Paul says. We need different things at different times.
If you want to share bits of your own acquired wisdom in the comments, that would be lovely. I would like that.
p.s. Two more sleeps until Playground! Come do fun-brewing with me and send love!
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Havi, I’ve been thinking about this very thing today–the difference between learning-as-information-gathering, and the kind of learning that enters into our blood, bones, and daily life.
It’s challenging to teach integrated learning online or by teleclasses, because it requires the active participation of our bodies along with our minds and emotions and hearts. It also requires practice, and the rub of daily living to begin to integrate this kind of transformation and growth into our beings.
I love that you’ve created the Playground as a place where transformation and practice can happen in wholeness, with play, humor, exploration and discovery among the qualities that support the process.
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … In the Center of My Ribs… =-.
Thank you for sharing what you know. I’m gradually collecting my truths and trying to remember to document them so I don’t forget them on the surface (even though I like the idea that if I forget them, I still know them in my body). One truth I learned from my friend Noa, that I don’t think I really know yet but that I’d like to know, is: you’re allowed to ask for what you need. Just like you said, it’s so simple, but just thinking that short statement reconfigures things for me.
.-= Kylie´s last post … a giveaway for a blogiversary =-.
Thank you for those tiny bits of wisdom.
My mentor Reevah used to say:
“We are ambivalent about everything.”
When I come across resistant people in my work I will remind them:
“There are always options in life. And doing nothing is certainly an option.”
“Kindness is king.” I don’t know where I heard that one, but I love it.
“Try and conduct yourself with grace and poise, even when others do not.” From my friend Martha.
Hope these are helpful to someone out there!
Thank you Havi.
The biggest one for me so far, at least in terms of emotional impact, is “there are no mistakes”. I had been crawling out of my own skin for months, with an overwhelming feeling of “panic! OMG! I have made this HUGE MISTAKE in my life!” I realized during your labyrinth walk in NC that it wasn’t a mistake, it was actually one of the most valuable transformative experiences in my whole life.
Then I went into the bathroom and cried a little to release some of that overwhelming flood of relief and emotion, that I was *not* a giant screw-up, and I had *not* made a giant mistake, it was just a really pivotal point in my journey, with a lot of lessons rolled in one. 🙂
Sometimes mistakes are the very best teacher. I wish there were another word for mistake, because it doesn’t feel like the right word anymore.
xoxoxo
Ingrid
Thank you for sharing your tiny bits of wisdom!
I’ve never actually stopped to think about what I know or how I know it. But now that I have the first thing that comes to mind is my fiance and the stray kitty we found last weekend. I was a bit hesitant to bring her home with us (she’s something new, new things mean change, change is scary). But he never hesitated, he loved her from the moment she was in his arms. I guess you can say I learned to “love first, figure out the details later”.
Havi,
Thank you so much for sharing all of those gifts of wisdom. I was fortunate enough to have enjoyed a long leisurely lunch with my mom a couple of months ago and we talked about some of those very things. Really enjoyed this post and will definitely be revisiting it.
many sweet blessings
E
Love this. And thank you.
Havi-
I’ve been thinking about this a lot, too, and writing about the difference between guiding and teaching.
So, for what it’s worth, guiding is taking people to a place that they aren’t familiar with and letting them look around and take their own measurement of it.
Teaching is giving people tools to measure and create with.
You guide and you teach, and it’s up to your students to bring their co- to the co-creation aspect of your workshops.
Experiential learning is co-creating, and most of what you do is experiential learning. It’s not book-learnin’.
Experiential learning is relationship-building. And you are so good at that with your online presence. It blows me away.
It’s so hard to do this co-creating online, and so much easier to do it in person. I struggle with this too with my work. In person, I can just go “click” and it seems to work, especially when my students are implementing and integrating their new intuitive skills.
In written form or on the phone, I have to trust that the people are going to go with me when I say something. I can’t always hear them when they say, “Yeah but…” or “please clarify” or “that happened to me too…” or “I want to tell you this!”
And I crave that co-creation. And I’m thinking that maybe you do too. It’s seeing an idea take fire in somebody else’s campfire, and knowing that your student stoked it with their own mojo and made it theirs.
Me and @pdxlilly were talking about your blog the other day and how good you are at creating a space for others to share and co-create. I want my blog to be like that. @pdxlilly said “Hey, you just got to bring more you to your blog than you’re doing.” And she was right.
So, um…I guess I’m saying…I think you already do a lot in your online presence to make that dilemma not so much of a dilemma, and I’m totally thrilled to watch you do your thing in person, because that’s going to be so so awesome.
.-= Bridget´s last post … Steppin’ Out of The Weirdo Box =-.
How beautiful to discover this post after a day that included
– wondering which monster I need to speak to first.
– a nap.
– yoga with Paul’s DVD.
– talking to my therapist about sovereignty and my own way.
And a glass of wine. Here’s to your tiny bits of big wisdom! Thank you.
Remembering the simplicity of all this in the midst of feeling really overwhelmed feels really nice.
Thank you, Havi. What a beautiful piece.
🙂
Danielle
Thank you Havi for these tiny bits of wisdom. I’ll translate them (I’m francophone) and put them on my wall to inspire me through my daily life.
I’m making my comment coming-out today, but I have been a lurker mouse for many months now.
Thanks for your writing and sharing. It nourrishes my thougts on how to live better with myself and with my husband and kids.
Havi-
I’m so excited for you to have the playground to share all this wonderfully wacky stuff with people live and in person! One of these days I’m going to come up and see it all for myself.
In the meantime, thanks so much for sharing all you’ve learned along the way in this space. Your words are like pebbles in a lake. You have no idea how far they ripple out.
Amazing. And Camp Biggification looks like a great idea. Too bad timing and $$ don’t work for me right now (and it is a LOONG way; I’ve been considering putting “no travelling to BC” on my dammit list, and OR is basically the same distance).
But the connection between physical and mental and whatnot makes sense. ANd having your own space to teach that in sounds amazing.
.-= JoVE´s last post … Are you really motivated by external rewards? =-.
I love those tiny bits of wisdom!
And yes, I agree that a live event totally gets our body and brain onboard with the stuff we already know. It wasn’t completely obvious to me at the beginning of the Destuckification retreat that it would happen, especially because all of my stuck went into hiding and life was just great all of a sudden! So I was kind of worried that things would be awesome while I was there, then be back to their sucky normal self as soon as I’d be home, but no: a lot of stuff has moved since I came back, and I’ve made giant baby steps. Or baby giant’s steps. Oh, yes, I like the idea of being a baby giant! So much to learn, and so much growth ahead of me!
Oof, sorry that turned into some sort of semi-incoherent rambling… but I really like where that led me, so I’ll leave it there. 🙂
.-= Josiane´s last post … Movement =-.
Thanks Havi. I’m sitting at my computer and about to pass out. I think I’ll take your advice and take a nap!
One thing that sounds sort of silly but has been pretty big for me: If it’s going to be funny later, it’s funny now.
.-= Anna-Liza´s last post … Pollyanna Has Some Fun Musical Flashbacks – with Potential Demons! =-.
Thank you Havi, for sharing those little bits of you that you’ve collected. You’re right in that they seem almost painfully obvious when written out… and yet, it’s amazing how easily we forget the obvious when slogging through the sludge of daily life.
As you said, it’s the difference between knowing a thing intellectually, versus knowing a thing, deep down to the core of our being.
I can’t wait for Camp Biggification… I think it’s that opportunity for in-person/bringing-it-into-my-bones/knowledge-growing that I’m most looking forward to. That, and actually meeting Selma in person of course (squee!) ; )
I don’t know that you can ever really impart that sort of experiential learning via the internet… but I would say that your sharing of your own experiences has done an amazing job of motivating me to seek out the experiential part of the process for myself. In a way, it’s almost more valuable for me to have to seek (as opposed to just saying “hi, I’m here, teach me” and having it handed to me), since looking for that experience makes me more aware and appreciative of the opportunities I discover.
Plus, I can guarantee that I’ll be paying attention and soaking it all in like liquid gold, after driving all the way to Portland for the experience! 😀
A tiny bit of wisdom that I’ve learned since I was diagnosed at age 11 with severe OCD that complements what I’ve learned here? Rituals are not crazy and they are valuable practices. Instead of wishing you weren’t so faithful to (or dependent on) rituals and a schedule, take pleasure in the time you’ve carved out for yourself. Say, like every morning when you sit down with your coffee and read about more tiny bits of wisdom on fluentself…
Thanks for sharing these little bits of wisdom, and all the rest of yourself that you share every day here. I am excited for the day when you post an event like the Camp and I can say ‘yes’ to it and know I’ve made the space in my life, my heart, my money, my everything, for this next step in learning.
For now, though, I have to say that perhaps more of the wisdom trickles out to us than you think — I find myself integrating what I think of as Havi-isms in my life a lot!
So thank you, for all of it.
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … Reading Under a Tree 2 =-.
For many, many years, I had back pain — blown out gaskets, corrupt discs, whatever you want to call them. Had surgery almost ten years ago now. Surgeon said I’d have been in a wheelchair in six months without the surgery. Not all the pain went away. It took me a long time telling myself, “my back hurts — it’s not broke,” “pain is just pain — it’s not terminal,” “ignoring it won’t make it go away but maybe it’ll leave me alone for a while,” and finally, “keep moving, and eventually, you’ll arrive someplace else.” And it turns out that the someplace else is almost completely pain free. I know I still have that monster, but now it’s a beanie baby instead of a Macy’s parade float.
.-= Judy´s last post … When even laughing makes you sweat… =-.
This post has risen straight to the top of my favourite Havi posts. So many loverly tiny wisdoms! So now, my logic brain knows all this, and I’m sure I can use these wisdoms for intentional flailing sessions to make at least some of them stick for realz. Thank you!
Also echoing Amy about the Havi wisdom trickling into my life. At the very least my vocabulary is becoming infested (in a good way) with Havi-isms. They don’t stand up to translation very much, though, I must say. :o)
Things I have learned about and from being me:
No matter how absolutely horrible I feel, eventually I will feel better.
Sometimes I have to ask for help, and that’s ok.
I have to be true to myself or I will feel like crap.
I can do this.
.-= Riin´s last post … Weaving, weaving, weaving… =-.
“No” can sound a lot nicer, and can be easier to say, if pronounced like “Not Today.”
Happy Windsday!
Havi, Bridget and I *were* talking about your blog recently. I think it provides a safe harbor for people to work out their inner stuff. To me it feels like the digital equivalent of going to a yoga class. *makes relaxing sigh noise*
I was looking at my monster manual last night, and practiced recognizing the various types, seeing it from their side, from my side, talking to them a tiny bit. At the same time I had the movie ‘The Snake Pit’ with Oliva DeHavilland playing in the background. The one where she plays a mentally ill woman who is put into an institution. Because old movies comfort me?
OMG monsters. My monsters, other people’s monsters. I put a monster print up at work, on the hallway door (to of course, ward off monsters), it is my gargoyle. Experiencing horrible, horrible growing pains in our business, some days it actually feels excruciatingly painful. Some days it feels swell! Go figure *gulp*.
I’m going to print your blog and read it at night. Especially this post – which is so awesome I can barely stand it. I never get to let it sink in, but there is just way too much wisdom contained, and I need to catch up. Looking forward to the Shiva Nata handbook! Looking forward to a live in-person Havi event someday! Bless you and thank you for your wonderful wonderful blog.
Oh, this is wonderful, Havi; thank you!
Here are a couple of thoughts that have served me well:
1. Showing up really is half the battle. In fact, often, it’s almost all of the battle. So many times when I was anxious and dreading something, just getting myself to leave the house and get there was by far the hardest part, and the actual experience turned out to be so much easier than my fearful imaginings.
2. Some advice that my mother-in-law gave me, years ago: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by ignorance. (The word she actually used was “stupidity”, which is funnier, but I’m opting for language that feels more compassionate to me, here in this very compassionate space.) In other words, very often, people who may appear to be mean are really just lacking in understanding, and have no idea that they are hurting anyone. Besides, whether or not that’s true in any given situation, whenever there’s no way of knowing, I feel much happier if I can give others the benefit of the doubt.
P.S. @ Anna-Liza: I like that!
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Still waking up =-.
Beautiful post…
Something I know/believe but need to keep reminding myself?
Our belief systems function like a lens that sits between us and our world. What we see is filtered through that lens. If we want something to be different in our world we can evaluate the lens, the belief systems, and make a change there. And then suddenly our world has changed. But really, the world was always the same. It is we who have changed, and by doing so made our experience of our world completely different.
Which is perfectly described in The Matrix by the boy who says, “Do not try and bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead only try to realise the truth…There is no spoon…Then you will see, it’s not the spoon that bends. It is only yourself.”
Just something I like to think about when I’m trying to move out of the stuck… 🙂
Zowee. The comments are soo goood! I love it.
I have also (huh!) been thinking about knowing and knowing. A big part of my project is exploring how being less certain can be a key to peace. Currently, I’m applying that to all knowings and seeing what happens.
Plus I was saying over and over to myself, ‘Everything you know is wrong,’ as I read down the page and read, ‘Everything you know is wrong.’
Spooky. Funny.
.-= Andrew Lightheart´s last post … Aaah, grow up already. =-.
From the post it notes stuck to my computer (these are quotes from my BFF @KenMoorhead who is bizarrely wise at age 23 which continuously freaks me out):
Be kind to yourself.
Cut Yourself Some F*cking Slack.
Let others take responsibility for their half of their relationship.
You are responsible for you, Gracie [my 5 year old] and Adia [my cat]. That’s it. You’re responsible *to* other people, but not for them.
Shut up and listen.
Making money would be a good thing for you business to do.
.-= Elizabeth Potts Weinstein´s last post … Living Your Truth And School Skipping: A Crazy Dude’s Story =-.
Thank you for sharing these beautiful words
.-= Heather Villa´s last post … How to Take Your Business to the Next Level =-.
Oh my. This could be the beginning of a very useful book…
A few more, some from Havi:
You are not always the one to blame when things go wrong.If you can’t completely control the situation, then you can’t be completely responsible for it. And you can never really control other people.
You can give yourself permission to do things.
You can move as slowly or as quickly as feels right.
Other people, in general, are not psychic and cannot read your mind – you can ask for what you want.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish.
Some of these are beautiful phrasings of things I also know in my bones. And I very much agree that the difference between knowing something intellectually and knowing it in your bones and sinews and all, in a visceral way, is huge.
And some of these tickle intriguingly at me, like my brain says, “Harrumph, yes yes, I know that,” but I feel that tickle in my visceral body-knowing and a wordless curiosity rises up.
For me, Havi, one of those was the one about asking what the functional reason is, for something. I wonder if perhaps sometime you maybe could talk about that?
Thank you, as always, for such a beautiful and resonant post.
And, um, love to Selma. (…don’t know why, but I’m really kind of shy about her.)
What a great post! Thank you.
“If someone throws a shoe at you, it’s about them, not you.”
I love it.
I also agree completely about the naps.
.-= Terry´s last post … How to Forget Him =-.