Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: a breadbox
Here’s what I want:
Last week I was puzzling over how odd it is that I can have something as beautiful and amazing as homemade sourdough bread made from Hoppy House yeasties, but then I just keep it in a plastic bag.
That seems kind of disrespectful to the bread. And to Hoppy House, who is my greatest love.
So I would like to find a beautiful wooden breadbox that is just the thing. It is simple, special — to me, and it feels like home. And I can afford it, or I can comfortably make the choice to invest in it.
Ways this could work:
Not sure.
Maybe you guys know people. Maybe one of my craft-ey Portland friends or friends-of-friends will have ideas.
I can ask Dana if she has ideas. Or maybe Hope would know.
My commitment.
To plant the gwish.
To keep my eyes open.
To tell everyone I know that this is what I’m looking for.
To talk to Hoppy House more.
Thing 2: my massage treatment
Here’s what I want:
I have two lovely body treatments that are gifts, none of which I’ve gotten around to actually using yet.
Even though I absolutely want to.
Ways this could work:
I could find out which parts of me are avoiding this (maybe they feel uncomfortable about some aspect of this?).
And I can ask slightly future me how we resolved this.
And I can use code words for the phone call, of course!
Bing! Sorry. Just had a total shivanautical realization as I was writing this that actually I could give this project to the First Mate and he could set it up for me.
My commitment.
To enjoy.
To do what I can to get better at this weird thing which is receiving. Or at least to get better at noticing what the patterns are around it.
Thing 3: on tour with the Guns N Rollers!
Here’s what I want:
Okay, so what I really, really want is a holiday.
And I know it might seem like I just had one but it’s been two Rallies (Rally!) since then, and I have been working my ass off.
Plus September is madness with the Shiva Nata Academy of Hilarity & Play, and the September Rally and the chagim.
So then I found out that GNR (the roller derby team I sponsor and do Shiva Nata with) will be in Medford, Oregon on August 20th.
What if I went somewhere near there for my holiday? Like Ashland. And then I could go to the bout and be the cheering section.
That would be awesome. And if it doesn’t happen then I want to go to Bend. Or Astoria.
Ways this could work:
Let’s see. I could:
- talk the gentleman into going
- plant it here
- put it on the calendar, making it one step closer to actually happning
- come up with an itinerary?
- consult the Book of Me about ways to make it cheap, fun and useful.
My commitment.
Wheeeeee!
I really want to make this happen.
Thing 4: fun with the Shiva Nata destuckification and play series
Here’s what I want:
This Toozday is the first of my three part Shiva Nata series at the Playground. The series is sold-out, but you might be able to try for a drop-in at one of the classes. I’d email the First Mate and ask.
I want it to be fun, powerful, hilarious, beautiful and to happen with lots of ease.
Ways this could work:
It just could.
I can talk things over with slightly future me and ask for her advice.
I can do an OOD about it and see what’s feeling stuck, if anything, and what needs attention.
My commitment.
Dance dance dance.
Thing 5: Rallions for the 2012 Rallies!
Here’s what I want:
There’s all this stuff I want to do: to rewrite the Rally page, to make some fun, systems changes, to figure out what I’m doing differently in 2012.
But in the meantime, before we raise prices and set up the application system, I think it would be so beautiful if everyone who knows in their heart that they want to come to a Rally next year would just go for it.
It would be such fun to have happy Rallygator lists started for each of next year’s Rallies. And to start chatting on our secret page about where people might stay and what we might play with.
That’s what I want.
Ways this could work:
Not sure yet.
But I’m throwing it into the pot.
And I can ask the people in my Kitchen Table program for help, advice and support.
My commitment.
To love each Rally and love the Playground and hug every single butt-monster that lives there.
To show you guys pictures of the butt-monsters so you can appreciate their extremely adorable way of being monsters with butts.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I’d had a huge shivanautical realization about how morning begins at night so I wanted to set up a ritual for it. Done! Yes. Working. Love it.
Then I asked about obscenely ridiculous platform shoes. No movement there yet. Though I kind of have a loose idea about where to look.
There was an ask — which I forgot about, hilariously — about how I wanted to set up the Rallies for 2012. And I did! We have dates. Excellent.
Also I wanted to use my new Rally system and I did. Some tweaking involved but having it in place really, really helped with Rally #12.
And I asked for excitement for Laura and Maryann, and they’ll have to tell me how that went.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
Things that are welcome! Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
Happy VPA day! This comes at the perfect time for me this week, strangely enough.
Here’s what I want:
To shift the balance of income and expense so that we Have Enough and then some.
Ways this could work:
I can ask for a raise at the coalmine.
I can work on the stuck and earn more from coaching.
We can look at ways to trim expenses that aren’t painful and terrible and scarcity-creating.
Magic could happen.
My commitment:
To work with Chris to shift the money-related stuck.
To talk to monsters.
To brainstorm my anxieties and fears and do The Work on them.
To finish the job description and send it to Angelique.
Ah, VPA, how I have missed you! 🙂
Mine for today:
I want my new grand-daughter to heal from her long and difficult birth, and to feel deliciously at home in this world.
I want her to have a life filled with so much love, tenderness, fun, play, delight and sensuous joy.
I want her to know that she is Love, and loved. That her life is a miracle she can consciously unfold. That she can choose the experiences she wants to have, here. That she is a blessing, and blessed.
My commitment:
To love her, play with her, delight in her, and mirror her beauty and power back to her.
To create a soft and sovereign space for her.
To be one of her allies and soul friends.
Havi — about Ashland. I know of a wonderful place to stay, there. Email me for details.
VPA day!
*excitement and more excitement*
*** excitement ***
Speaking of which, I’d like some excitement about my new week and new life. Some commitments are ending and I’d love a framework or a way of thinking that helps me enjoy the new free time to play and experiment and try things out all over again.
my commitment – to make some space for this. to move slowly. to be kind.
*** return to routine/ritual ***
it sounds contradictory to the above but i would love back some of my old traditions, like running every day, and like writing at night. i’d like to take a step and see if they still fit me.
my commitment – to put on the running shoes. to see where they take me.
VPA a day earlier than I expected! That’s nice.
But I haven’t thought much about what I want from this week.
Except this: I want my energy level to increase.
There are things I need to do and things that I want to have Already Done, but they won’t be Already Done unless I do them, and the doing takes energy. Lack of energy seems to be holding me back.
I know some things that are likely to help increase my energy level, and I can do them. They include naps and nutrition, and sunshine and music, and good shoes.
Shoes are important.
I commit to doing these things and also to simply trying to be in motion.
Havi, re those platform shoes, I have an idea. Until you get them, you could try standing on a plank. (I think I commented here back in June that your pirate ship needs a plank. I hope you have one.) You could rest the ends on something, maybe some yoga blocks, to elevate you where people can see you. I look forward to seeing you on some “obscenely ridiculous” plats.
This week I’d like to spread the word of my commitment to donating 50% of my Rocklawn Arts store proceeds to “50 for 50,” the communicatrix aka Colleen Wainwright’s amazing fundraising endeavor for the very cool nonprofit WriteGirl.
Help me help Colleen meet her goal of raising $50,000 in 50 days for WriteGirl to celebrate her 50th birthday, now just a month away.
How? Make it a VPA. Send an email to everyone I know and ask people to help me spread the word despite my reluctance to do so. Post it to my alum network. Reminder tweets and FB notes. And anything else that comes to mind.
Commitment: Well, the VPA is almost done, so that’s cool. To get over my reluctance to asking people, in essence, to care about something I care about. Or to bypass that hesitation for now in favor of simply getting the word out. Also to be open to other possibilities that may come up.
Have been chasing my tail all day. A VPA is in order for sure.
VPA: That I make the right decision about where to keep my critters. That I remain open to epiphanies, outside-the box thinking, such as finding the perfect mini-farm for us to lease, which would be awesome. Have been very stressed about where we will be, feel like a rolling stone, not good with critters.
My Committment: To walk away “from shoes flying overhead”, having faith we will find our true home. Or it will find us.
My first VPA.
I want: to quit my job but receive a “separation package.”
Ways it could work: make a case to HR and hope it doesn’t backfire both on me and my well-intentioned but hapless colleagues.
Take a leave of absence and consider the cheap health insurance my package.
Quit outright and consider the freedom the package.
Keep getting paid a lot to accomplish very little and somehow re-frame that as not something icky.
My commitment:
Ask for help.
Try to be on my own side.
….Okay, that went pretty well, how bout one more?
Wish: I want to buy a building in Durham, NC, restore it, AND still be able to keep my place in Brooklyn, AND still be able to go to Asia for a couple months a year, all without ending up in a van down by the river with no savings and no prospects.
How this could work:
I buy the building outright and finance the restoration over a two-year period with savings, tax credits, and grants, while doing consulting to cover my living expenses.
I then partner with existing local businesses to make an awesome multi-use profitable space out of it: coffeeshop and pop-up local retail on the ground floor, studio space and co-working on the top floor.
My commitments:
Ask for help.
Listen to advice from people I trust.
Set the intention to discern the difference between a smart risk and folly, and between prudence and settling for less than I really want and can have.
Go visit the site ASAP.
Reach out to existing local leaders to see their appetite for partnering.
God, it’s scary just saying it out loud.
Also, hope this doesn’t feel like unsolicited advice or telling you how to how to ask, but I am just wondering if the kind of breadbox you’re looking for is sort of zany/homey like this:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/jlmills?section_id=7238903
or super-simple like this:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/77468967/vintage-handmade-primitive-handled-wood
or farmhouse-y like this:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/75789797/vintage-farmhouse-breadbox
Somehow it’s never as good when I just read along and do my VPA’s in my head. So I’m going to start doing them “out loud” here. ^_^
Thing 1: Sorting out my morning ritual and daily practices
What I want – I had this crafted-out morning ritual I’d done for a couple months, involving a moment of prayer outside, then turning on a special playlist, doing a brief yoga thing, then freewriting for ten minutes, then stretching for another ten, before really beginning my day. And I loved it – physical activity, mental activity, spiritual activity. But then I fell away from it. This past week in particular, I felt like I would have to *force* myself to do it, and I don’t want it to feel forced. But I love each activity individually, and I love feeling like I’m getting a strong start to my day. So I don’t know why I’m suddenly resisting the fuck out of such good stuff. I’m frustrated to the point of asking angry-why, accusing-why. So what I want is understanding. And a way to fix it, whether that’s dismantling the routine and scattering the pieces through my day, or working through or around whatever block I’ve suddenly developed about it, or some other way.
Ways this could happen – I could flail on it, see if I get any good moments of “bing” that would help me understand the why in a curiosity-why sense instead of a frustrated-why sense. I could see if there are monsters at work here and maybe try to talk to them about this. See if Future Me has any advice.
My commitment – To approach this by searching for solutions, not berating and trying to flog myself back to “normal”. To be gentle with myself.
Thing 2: Work on my huge scary thing
What I want – my tiny sweet thing has turned into a huge scary thing by virtue of my having been gifted with the money to begin it immediately. I don’t want to spend the money on my webhosting prematurely because then there will be paid hosting time wasted while I try to sort out what I’m doing with it. But now that it’s come to “put up or shut up” point and I have no more excuses aside from “BUT I’M TERRIFIED”, I’m having a really hard time doing the pre-work I need to do. I can’t even begin to breathe the b-word (*cough*business*cough*) about this…it’s just a Thing. A Thing I’m trying to do. Can I call it a project? Instead of a b…Thing? Anyway, what I want is calm and courage and strength to work through the several “how to start something like this” guides I already have – Ash Ambirge’s You Don’t Need A Job, You Need Guts, and Leonie Dawson’s Goddess Business Course – so I can start to move forward on this huge scary Thing.
Ways this could happen – Liberal use of my Playground grounding spray when I start getting panicky. Playing singing bowls or flute music as background instead of my usual metal. Make official appointments with myself to work on it for only 15 minutes at a time so I don’t feel overwhelmed or like I have to do everything all at once, and keeping a mug of tea handy at all times. Monster conferences beforehand so I can maybe not be feeling so chased and panicky about it?
My commitment – to show up, again and again. To be gentle and understanding with Frightened Me. To acknowledge that this is a Big Thing and it’s *absolutely reasonable* to be scared out of my mind! To remember how much I want to make this a reality, despite the fear, and let that draw me forward when I get stuck.
VPAs! Yay.
and maybe a few morsels of checkin.
Because I have been sick. Ugh. Sadface. And tired but not sleepy, which is awful because then I’m bored.
VPA: to launch the next phase of Body of Pleasure. With grace and joy and hilarity or at least not quite so serious-face as it is right now.
Fifteen done, fifteen to go.
Ways this could work: I could play more. I could do the remaining ones in chunks of 5 so I don’t feel so stiff. I could Enlist Help. I could add color. (color?!) color. hmm.
VPA: to get healthy!
yeah. garlic. rest. water. rest. sleep. rest.
maybe it will happen.
VPA: someone wanting to buy the Dr. Seuss house. It is sweet and notsobig and on the coast of Maine and I swear it looks like Dr. Seuss designed it. Almost. But with level floors.
WTCW: Interested people could message me on twitter and I will provide more information. I could talk with the agent again. I could do some Iguana paperwork, too.
I am well aware I have made no commitments today. This will have to be a good enough VPA day.
bonus VPA: that people will find the Body of Pleasure project and sign up to find out what happens next.
I will tweet. And write. And encourage. And then I will let it go. And maybe dance.
VPA-ing!
thing #1:
find where to leave my 2 dogs while i am on tour in september. where they will love them, there is space for them to run around, go for walks and be the lovely and happy dogs they are. and that they not miss me too much so when i come back, bonus doesn’t pee all over the place and edna is not angry at me.
ways:
i have a few ideas, and people have given me contacts
research and decide
love them ridiculously until then
commitment:
make the calls, write the emails, and process why i haven’t done it yet, play, find names so it is not so difficult to leave them.
thing #2
the magic mystery europe tour to be full of fun, learning, meeting new people, enjoying the little things and seeing people i love
ways:
take it easy! and do the things that have to be done before leaving, so it will be easy
open up to the new
commitment:
-explore, play, find out what i am afraid of, find ways to feel safe
-book the places to stay and the flights in between
-talk to walls and monsters about my fears
thing #3
open up to the new, to be approachable, to not choke when i like someone, to be able to say what i want to say given the chance
ways:
-colouring my monsters
-acknowledging how scared i am of hurt and vulnerability, my hurt and my vulnerability, my sweetness and frailty, and that those characteristics are not bad, they are relatable
commitment:
-change my facebook picture and start changing little things that let others know i am not a rock full of knowledge
-scribble, write, doodle, burn, cry, and trust, and listen to myself and my friends
-ask and play and look for the cracks in my great wall of china.
love to all. happy week!
Okay, this is a vpa in it’s primitive, unexamined, and not yet wanting to be examined form. My VPA is for a guy, a man of my very own! And he will be tall, dark, mostly handsome but not too much, strong as in buff muscles but not too much. He will take showers and use a little cologne that smells spicy. He will be funny and look like a little boy sometimes. He will be smart, but not pretentious. He will be sensitive and strong as in knows what he believes, and we will have good brain and body sex. We will be besties and feel like teenagers at the best of times, and at the worst, he will still be my favorite person. Also, he will love my dog.
I’m skipping ways this could work (primitive).
My commitment: Maintain patience. Remain true to myself. To be open to the possibility that this VPA is not the only way that has to be, but a first step in declaring my standards and desires, and that these, like any part of our process-filled-lives, are subject to change.
Hello hello one and all!
My VPA for this week (and I am trying to keep this short, I promise)
Not Hating My Job
I need a way to manage not to hate my job. My commitment is to keep calm on this and to remind myself that a particular situation that is unfolding is about someone else’s stuff and not mine.
Writing
I love writing, I hate editing. I commit to redrafting this piece before moving on to the next thing. But I commit to do this with love.
Routines
In a fit of sadness/monster ambushing I let all my routines from last week slip and now I have the panicky monster in my head. My commitment is to be kind to myself this week.
Money
Please, universe, can I have more money? Please. My commitment is to keep to my budget and do my financial affirmations. And to keep the begging down to a minimum. But, pleasepleaseplease.
I went to check on my VPA from last week, and it turned out that last week I was in a slack tide and there was no VPA.
The tide has begun moving again, so there are a few VPAs…
1. Order and Marching. Lots of work came in in the last couple of weeks. This work needs to be done. I would like the time and brains to do this work. Ways this could work and my commitments: use the free time today after the air port ride to make lunches for the week, a dinner base, etc. for ease of days. Time block projects for the week. Give clear instructions to helpers.
2. Love. Again wanting some forward movement on the finding of a boyfriend/man friend/best earthly companion. The Matching not going so well. Wondering more about how this might happen. Trying to let go of the how.
3. A vacation. In October. By myself. In the perfect place, at the perfect price, with the perfect activities and the perfect office plan for me to be out of the office for that week. WTCW and MC are underway.
4. Continued inflow of work. This is a good thing now. Lots of great clients. Lots of new projects. Lots of YES.
Hello, hello, to the week ahead and to all of you!
What I want: To begin recording some songs, and saving the recordings in a file.
How this can happen: I can let people who love me help me out with this. I can be patient with my own inevitable learning curve.
My commitment: To smile and sing!
VPA: To make the money to just go home to New England, buy a house & commercial building suitable for the holistic arts, and find a new love. Yes, basically start life over again.
Wow, lots of great, big asks. Here’s mine.
Well, first a brief check on last week’s ask: Last week I wanted to be patient with myself during a transition. And I have been, with lots of journaling and talking to people I love. I am starting the process of acceptance and understanding, rather than beating myself up and feeling weak. I have empowered myself by getting more educated and reaching out for support.
This week, I’d like to continue to stay focused on this, as it’s the center of everything. I’m going to journal more, and I commit to doing a private weekly check-in with myself as a way to have a regular log to refer to as needed.
This week, I also want to feel less body tension. My neck and back — despite getting a delicious massage recently — are in pretty decent pain. Very stiff and oww-y. My commitment is to stretch more frequently throughout the day, to do some self-massage with medicinal cream, and/or to get my bf to give me a massage. I will also check my posture throughout the day and RELEASE my shoulders if they’re somewhere up over my ears — which is likely the case! 🙂 I commit to checking out my sleep position and those darned pillows — are they the cause? I will do legs up the wall pose a couple of times this week. And breathe. I commit to breathing.
Thanks for letting me drop this off here.
Wow, I haven’t been at a VPA post in a while.
What I’d Like, Please:
This week is my real week off. I’m alone from 7:30am-5pm and I’d like to make the most of this.
I had a to-do list in my head; I’d like to find the flow in each day and to resolve anything within my power to resolve.
Ways this could work:
I could talk to Slightly Future Me.
I could email people while reminding myself to let “compassion” guide me.
I can set little gaps for mindfulness -searches for an online mindfulness bell-
My commitment.
I’m doing daily Shivanata at the moment; which i’ll continue to stay in flow.
To try and “do it now” rather than hype up a “session” and stuff for writing. (I wrote 800 words in 40 mins yesterday just by following the white rabbit).
Thank you for the opportunity to ask this in a safe space.
It’s the middle of the week, but my VPA is bursting to be put out into the universe.
What I want:
to leave my desk job, really really Really soon.
to spend most of my time with my baby and the rest of the time writing and healing (myself and others)
Ways this could work:
My husband could be offered much more paying work
We could get a sudden windfall of money out of the blue
I could be made redundant
My commitment:
To believe this can happen
To make the most of every moment I am with my children
To begin a daily writing practice
To trust my intuition