Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my weekly ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do this thing.
Thing 1: whatever the sexy word for “productivity” is.
Here’s what I want:
To get stuff done.
Here’s how I want this to work.
I want 75–90 minutes a day of full-speed-ahead look-out-world I-am-a-genius biggification planning time.
Where I make my decisions and then start putting things into motion.
To be honest, I’d settle for 30 minutes of this a day, but I’m working on expanding my internal rules about what’s possible. Hence the ask.
Ways this happen:
All this resting-up could set the spark in a really quiet, intuitive way.
I can do Shiva Nata to put me in the zone.
I can carve out a block of time in the late morning and do little ritual-ey things to create a strong, powerful container.
Clarity. I’m ready for some.
My commitment.
I will be hugely appreciative of this time and everything that comes from it.
I’ll give myself plenty of time for post-work shavasana (the not-doing that follows the doing).
This will not impede on my overall goal of restfulness — it will enhance it.
When it’s not working, I’ll practice patience if I can. And if I need to throw a temper tantrum or two, I’ll give myself permission to do that too.
Thing 2: Using my body
Here’s what I want:
Now that the jackhammers and construction work aren’t deafening my thoughts and slicing through my routines, I want to get back into my body and the comforting structure of a physical practice.
Here’s how I want this to work:
To ease back into it.
Half an hour of yoga in the morning. If I’m not feeling up to that, then one pose. Two poses. And some conscious, active resting.
To go for a walk each morning before breakfast.
To take the stairs.
To breathe.
My commitment.
To do all these things in a committed, loving way.
Not in a “you’d better get off your ass, unless you want to look like crap and feel worse — is that what you want?” kind of way.
To remind myself that when I take the time to hang out in my body, everything goes more smoothly and I feel better about everything else in my life.
To be patient.
Thing 3: Healthy boundaries
Here’s what I want:
A clear sense of my space and where it ends. I don’t think I can be more specific than that right now.
Ways this might work:
I don’t know. But I do know what some of the qualities would be that would be useful for this.
Clarity. Wisdom. Safety. Quiet. Faith.
I’m open to these qualities finding their way into my life in various forms. No idea how it could work, but I’m willing to be surprised.
My commitment.
To be watchful.
To appreciate these qualities when they’re around, and to notice that I’m needing them when they’re not.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I asked for rest and restfulness, for a way out of the fog, and for a solution to my Hoppy House problem.
The rest and restfulness thing has been working really well. Miraculously (or not), something about the decision to leave Berlin made everything there more bearable.
The construction continued, but it didn’t bother me as much. Everything felt more insulated and more calm.
Selma, my gentleman friend and I went for a lovely three-hour afternoon boat ride, as reported in the Chicken. And then there was hot-tubbing on the Baltic Sea. So yay.
I am slowly but surely finding my way out of the fog through this new state of restfulness, so that feels good too.
And the Hoppy House situation is not yet resolved, but I’ve stopped stressing out over it. I’m just going to have to make more money to make it work. And I think that once I’m rested and decidedly non-foggy, I can do that.
(Though there may be an Ask related to that in the next couple of weeks).
So yeah, feeling pretty surprised/happy with the way these particular asks are enfolding. I had worried about them being too vague to provide clarity, but yet again the process of giving myself permission to ask was helpful in and of itself.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about I would like to receive in the comments. And that way, if you feel like leaving one (you totally don’t have to), you get to be part of this experiment too. 🙂
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for.
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird. I commit to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and to interact with their ideas and with my own stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Follow
I… I prefer to talk about Wu Wei instead of “productivity”.
When using “productivity” I tend to lock up and strangled by “shoulds” and “shouldn’t”, which is, well, unproductive. My mind always translates productivity into “hurry, hurry, you’re too late! You’re not good enough, hurry!”
Blech.
Wu Wei is different. While the concept of Wu Wei is mostly translated as “action through inaction” it means (to me) acting in harmony with me and the world, which is (again, to me) the most effiecient and self-caring way to act, mainly due the lack of selfmade struggle, overaction and assorted panicking.
And on the topic of personal ads:
What I want:
I need more wu wei in my life.
How this might work:
I could tweak the interplay of introverted and extrovertet actions until I strike a balance that works for me. I could pick up meditating again – and running. I might be able to let go of the story that I’m only working properly when I’m stressed and lazy otherwise.
My commitment:
Awareness. I’ll do my best to become aware of my thoughts, actions and their results.
Thank you for giving us this place, Havi, those personal adds REALLY HELP. 🙂
.-= Carina´s last blog ..Surrealistic Gardens (Cautions: Contains Great Photos) =-.
Aaah, I love hearing about your personal ads.
I’m working on my own! I’ll be ready to share them soon. I can give teasers:
I want a wild and awesome reception for our big launch tomorrow.
I want to come to peace with a conflict we’re in the middle of right now.
I want peace with my own body.
Those are the things I’m working on right now. Not ready with the details, but making progress! (:
*hugs* Thank you again for continuing to talk about it.
.-= Kyeli´s last blog ..last-minute prize donation from Johnny! =-.
Glad to hear that energy is shifting for you. For myself, I’ve found that giving myself permission to notice what I want (and do something about it) has been the direct route to healing my boundaries. I hope it works for you, too!
Update on last week’s request: If I count very optimistically (hard to know if a new client will be a long-term one), I may meet my wild leap of a goal for long-term clients in September. Yeah!
More importantly, I had a realization that a lot of the fear I was feeling was carried over from past struggles in my family’s history. I’m feeling much calmer and safer – which was the underlying goal anyway.
Just in writing the ad, I realized how much I’m already doing to make it happen, and that felt good. I also asked people for ideas and took more steps this week, and that felt good too.
I’m going to go ahead and re-post the ad, since it’s all still true, and I’m still asking.
Dear Long-term Regular Clients of Sundown Healing Arts,
You are highly sensitive people committed to your own healing. You are looking for bodywork to help you heal from trauma. You have the resources to pay for ongoing sessions, and you’re available for sessions in Portland, OR.
You have “tried everything” and may have been told, “Just live with the pain” (emotional or physical). You are hungry for support, validation, and acceptance. You are addressing lifetime patterns gradually. You are curious, respectful, and have a sense of humor.
You will receive attuned, gentle care and reach helpful insights in every session. You continue the work on your own between sessions.
How you can find me:
You could read this ad, and realize this is you!
You could find my website http://www.TraumaHealed.com
or, You could follow me on Twitter @traumahealed
or, You could pick up a brochure
or, Someone could recommend my work to you
or, Someone could forward one of my articles http://www.TraumaHealed.com/articles to you
or, Something else, that the Universe will delight us with
and, You realize this is exactly what you’ve been looking for.
My commitments:
I will listen inside for belly feelings, intuitions, and ideas about new ways to make my practice visible.
I will look around me for new ideas from outside.
I will try ideas that feel right.
I will joyfully bring you my best healing work.
I am open to abundance, ease, and peaceful success, and I work on any stuckness around this.
With love & welcome,
Sonia Connolly
Sonia’s latest article: Invite Your Longing to Tea
Hearing vague can still lead to answers is the best thing I’ve heard all week 🙂 So glad you’re getting answers and are feeling more rested, Havi.
I met all my deadlines for last week and find myself with a little time to play before plunging into the next project (yay contracts!), so what I want this week:
1.Play time, just me and the paints and the canvases and the collage stuff.
I am willing to show up in the studio and put my fear and expectations in a box and just have fun.
How this could happen: I could try doing some Shiva Nata in the studio before picking up the paints.
I could put on some music that I know comforts me.
I could come at it sideways, like you do with a shy animal, so that I don’t know I’m playing until I’m already there (by “cleaning up the studio” or committing to “just five minutes”)
2. Another influx of income to help pay the bills and buy good food.
I am willing to show up and do the work (promotion, setting up a blogging schedule, writing up a tutorial, listing more jewelry and paintings on Etsy, etc)
How it could happen: I could have sales from my online endeavors.
I could win the Publishers Clearing House.
Donkey could need more baked goods.
??? I am willing to be open to other avenues that the income could show up. Happy surprises.
Thank you for providing this space for us to share! 🙂
.-= Andi´s last blog ..Excellent Opportunity =-.
So happy you’re back in a peaceful environment!
OK, here’s my go.
What I want:
To see more of my friends. Wandering tango-chaser that I am, I haven’t seen nearly enough of them over the last couple of years, and I miss them. A lot.
How it might work:
I’m really not sure. We’ve always been busy people, but these days it’s crazy. Most of us (read ‘all but me’) have partners, all of us have work stuff and tons of non-work stuff, and we no longer live on each other’s doorsteps. I need some ideas here.
My commitment:
I will show up for myself and try to actually do something about this, rather than hoping someone else will make it happen. I will start thinking of things we can do together, so that we have specific things to get together for.
I’d be really grateful if:
They could meet me half way. I know I can make this happen with enough persistence, but I’d rather not have to do *all* the chasing. I’d also rather not have to do all the *travelling*.
.-= Kate´s last blog ..Help me name my new web package (and win a website) =-.
Yay! for salt-soaks and slumber, Havi.
Reading your #1 Ask had so much inherent motivating energy. It revealed to me my own desire to have a Velvet-Roped part of my day, set apart for masterful planning and execution. And your #2 Ask reflected an overall out-of-body feel I’ve had for several weeks now. The OOB isn’t of the astral projection sort. It’s more like a “my-body-is-a-disengaged-vehicle” feeling.
Since time feels like such a scarce resource, and it seems like I’m always chasing after it (but not quite seizing), I’d love to blend #1 + #2 and have magical movement. So, while I’m walking or love-making or kickboxing, or Shiva Dancing I want to receive inspired ideas, insights, solutions, strategies, etc. that will enliven my body, my business and my bliss.
Oooh, asking big feels mighty good 🙂 It feels like creating fire… or something similar. Deep, soulful thanks to you, Divine Hostess, for the glee of it.
.-= Erika Harris´s last blog ..How do you keep life simple and fret-free? =-.
Well, when I read “whatever the sexy word for ‘productivity’ is,” I immediately thought: TCB, takin’ care of business. And then started hearing the Bachman Turner Overdrive (BTO) song.
Here’s what I want:
A smooth installation from scratch of Snow Leopard.
Ways this could happen:
I could find all the info I need online to make this happen.
My old programs could have appropriate upgrades available.
Tech support could really understand any questions I have and be able to answer them all. Or savvy tech folk on the web may have answers.
My commitment:
I’m willing to read a lot online in an effort to answer my own questions first.
I’ll do my best to have the most complete backup possible before starting.
I’ll be very grateful for any help I receive.
.-= claire´s last blog ..Context is everything. =-.
Progress Report: Short story titled! And also submitted to a few publications. Here’s to hoping. *smiles*
What I’d Like: Some inspiration to guide my plotting on a new story.
Ways This Might Work: I might talk the story over with friends who suggest something cool.
I might have a dream that gives me bits to fiddle with.
It might come to me in a shower.
I might hear something unrelated but very interesting which catalyzes stuff in my brainmatter.
My Commitment: To pay attention. To keep writing on this story until it’s finished. To make it the best I can make it.
It’s so good to hear that you’re moving out of your fog and stress. I had hammering outside my window this morning, and it made me think of your troubles and be happy they were over. (Who hammers at 9am on a Sunday? For hours? WTF)
Update on Previous: Enough money came in to keep me afloat, but I’m still stressing. But, Awesome Birthday was awesome, with mini-celebrations all week. And lots of free cake.
What I Want: To find a balance between my Libra love of unstructured time and my Virgo need for systems.
How This Might Happen: Having figured out how much billable work I need to do a day, now I need to just do it or, if it’s not there to be done, still use that time for getting billable work. I could start scheduling the rest of my day better the way I do the early parts, I could develop a natural rhythm of work and not-work, I could time-log and find my rhythm that way. Something else could come to me.
My Commitment: To really make an effort to be conscious of my procrastination and slacking, of my energetic times and my low points. To respect my rhythms and not beat myself up when I don’t quite manage my goals.
I kind of have another ask but it’s still formulating, and I think I need to see the results of this one, if any, before I know what I really want with the other one.
.-= Amy Crook´s last blog ..Films about Ghosts =-.
I have a really big ask of the Personal Ad – so big I think I should go away and have a think about what I need – to clarify it.
But in a nutshell I need to be able to make a India and I’m open to any and every possible way to make it happen.
I’m committed to staying open.
.-= creativevoyage´s last blog ..Ethel Moorhead =-.
ps I got a perfect lodger by the way ! (previous personal ad)
.-= creativevoyage´s last blog ..Ethel Moorhead =-.
Loving that there was progress on your past asks, despite some vagueness. Gives me hope for my own vague asks!
Progress on last week’s:
Uhhh…well, as far as I know, none. But an additional item of clarity is that I now am asking that this source of income come to me with complete ease. Because at the moment I don’t really have the time/energy to put toward seeking it out. (Quite challenging to put that out there when it appears impossible.)
What I want:
A new way (or ways) to help me refill my well. A new hobby? Rekindled interest in an old hobby?
How it could come to me:
Wow. I have no idea. A sudden urge to try something new (or old) that will be fun and satisfying. Or a new understanding of my energy and how it flows, so that I can know how to recover from feeling drained.
My commitment:
To be open minded to the ideas and opportunities for fun that come my way. To try to give myself permission to rest when I’m feeling drained.
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last blog ..What’s Happening, Hot Stuff #2 =-.
Update on last week:
Dad’s procedure went smoothly, and the anesthesia wore off about 12 hours early, while still being in effect when he needed it. We still don’t have answers about his anemia, but the big horror that was hanging over his head is pretty much proven to be just a theory. Yay!
This week: The reasons can’t be posted, but I would really really like a big dose of healthy boundaries this week. And sovereignty and calm, and the space to recover from things that may or may not happen, and shoes that are likely to be thrown. And I need the sleep and not being sick to handle all of it with grace. 🙂
.-= Romilly´s last blog ..Just when I thought Cashmere was expensive… =-.
Itty bitty ads–Still happily using them. Still recommending them to anyone who will listen.
Recently noticed a kind of disturbing pattern though–too many of them seem to start with “Wanted: To find…”. I think I need one that starts like this “Wanted: To stop losing everything I need…”
But that’s a little revelation in itself…that I might not have gotten without my itty bitty ads.!
And sometimes I think when things don’t happen that I’ve asked for in my ads, it’s because they weren’t supposed to.
For instance, I wanted to find a book I own/love in order to review it as part of a blog post I was writing, and I kept kind of stalling on writing the post until I found the book. Itty bitty ad didn’t seem to produce it and I had scoured my “library” several times for it to no avail–this is over a course of days. I finally had to meet my deadline and write the post. I ended up really liking how it worked out anyway and published it. As I was walking upstairs to my apartment from my studio to make a cup of tea afterwards–my mind kind of zoned out half way up the stairs and I walked straight into my library (instead of the kitchen) and straight up to where the the book was (many, many bookshelves) and pulled it off the shelf immediately in this weird, on a mission like way.
It was like the universe brought me to the book instantly as soon as the blog post was done, because I wasn’t supposed to use it in the blog post, but the universe knew I wanted it and now it was fine now for me to “see” it.
Afterwards, when I looked it up on Amazon, I realized it was out of print (and rare/valuable actually–that was a surprise!) and wouldn’t have been that useful to anyone because they couldn’t have found it anywhere and my idea for my blog post wouldn’t have worked out.
Love that. 🙂
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Free Yourself from the Square =-.
Update: A month or so ago, I put out my ad requesting some help with working through blocks. Man, every where I turn, I’ve been meeting people, having the right book virtually fall into my hands or have stumbled upon some great audio or video resources. Love it!
I’m not yet ready to write my next VPA, but I can feel it bubbling around inside me wanting to get written and asked. So any day now.
.-= Katy´s last blog ..Ever Had One of Those Days? =-.
This is my first personal ad.
To finish the #$&#^!@& Book Proposal.
I’ve been working on rewriting my thesis into a general audience book, and I’ve been working on the book proposal for TWO FREAKING YEARS.
What I want: this be done, so I can move onto fiction (there’s a novel I started 3 years ago I want to finish, and NaNoWriMo is in November, and I want to do it this year!)
How this can happen: At this point, I don’t know. I’m printing everything out tomorrow sitting in the middle of my living room floor and trying to figure out what I have and where I need to go.
My commitment: To do something on this project every day, even if it is just staring at a bunch of pages on my floor.
.-= Shawna R. B. Atteberry´s last blog ..Company Girl Coffee 9/25/09 =-.
My ask this week:
I would like a way forward to become clear. The uncertainty and unknowing of the last few months/ year have reached a point where I am now ready to commit to something which will provide me with some stability.
Sothis could happen through: A job offer, either from my current company (It’s a complicated set up at the moment.) or a new company or a company who I have interviewed with before but have turned down for reasons that were valid at the time but no longer are. I would like the offer to match my current salary and pay for my tuition fees.
My current company could provide some feeback on where the next project for me is, or they could tell me with certainty that there is no project after this so that I can devote my energy to looking for something else.
An agency I’ve been in touch with could call me up with an interview with a company who is very interested in my CV and desired way forward. I could go to the interview and of course I would knock their socks off.
I could see the perfect job advertised and I could apply to it and get it.
Or a previous job offer could become re-available and I could jump at the chance.
Or another way forward could make itself known clearly to me. I have to say for this to work it would have to be VERY clear and I would have to be able to trust it implicity that it would support me. I am not a wing and a prayer type of girl and I won’t force myself to be one.
My commitment is to be open to new possibilities, to be positive and professional if old ones come up again and to keep on trying and reminding the agencies that I’m around and looking for a position. I will provide reassurance to myself as and when needed.
.-= Wormy´s last blog ..Remembering a dream =-.
This Ask is really important to deal with NOW.
Problem: My husband is the most excellent computer engineer with a work ethic and productivity level that I cannot keep up with. This weekend alone (he doesn’t always work on the weekends nor is he a workaholic) he sat for 16 hours, only stopping to eat, chat with me!
This has thrown my identity into crisis. He is moving so fast up the corporate ladder and I am afraid to see him go so quickly.
The Want: I want to cut the self doubt and insecurity at its knees. To stop thinking that I’m a crappy blogger, a bad writer, a twit. I want to not be afraid of making things or of ruining things. I just want to be fluid!
My commitment: I’m hugely dedicated to self betterment. I am going to tackle my posts with self encouragement, believing that life is too short to be your own bully.
.-= Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last blog ..Echo Decorate =-.
Lydia said: This has thrown my identity into crisis. He is moving so fast up the corporate ladder and I am afraid to see him go so quickly.
I’m right there with you. My Hubby is very good at what he does and has a great job. I started over three years ago, and no where near where I want to be. It’s hard. I’ve been working on my self-doubt and learning to trust myself and what I want for myself. I also need to stop thinking, “I’m a crappy blogger, a bad writer, a twit.” I think the same exact thing, and I’m trying to tell myself I’m a good writer and good communicator. I can make this work. Not that telling myself makes it any easier, but I think I’m starting to believe it, so I’m hopeful.
.-= Shawna R. B. Atteberry´s last blog ..A Warrior at My Window =-.
This is my first personal ad. I told someone yesterday that I loved them and found out it was not mutual. Today, I hurt.
What I want: To accept that this hurt is normal and to find a way through it, at my own pace, without judging myself for that.
How this can happen: Allow myself moments alone to cry. Share my pain with understanding friends. Get out of the house and do something with others, every day, to get my mind on different things.
My commitment: To forgive myself for needing to slow down a little and to allow myself to lean on others when I’m not feeling strong. To understand I will get through this, when the time is right.
A pattern has come to my attention (again) that I have trouble letting go of people even (or especially) when it is clear that it is time.
Here’s what I want:
To learn to be a good “breaker-upper”, to be able to learn to release people when our relationships are no longer serving me. To get clear on when this needs to happen (perhaps some work with boundaries) and to be able to say in a clear and concise way why I cannot continue with the relationship. To be able to determine what is my Stuff and what is their Stuff. To be able to do this with an intent to minimize hurt on both sides (if at all possible).
Here’s how I want this to work:
I could get good advice (and take it). I could read an article about this sort of thing. I could be recommended a book. I could have the confidence to speak to my therapist about this and she could have good ideas. Magic. Anything the cosmos is willing to share with me.
My commitment:
My commitment is to work with my Stuff as it comes up. Clearly this is a loaded issue for me on many fronts. I commit to showing kindness to myself and my friends. And other stuff I can’t think of right now. Attention. Finding space to feel safe around this issue. Paying attention to my scarcity mindset. And other things.
Last week I wrote an itty bitty ad asking for one tiny baby step of my Big Want to come true, by 9/29… and it happened this morning! Yaaaaayyyy!
Today I will ask for the next baby step. It seems that asking for one piece at a time brings me more clarity about what I’m asking for–and maybe also lets me feel less like I’m asking for unreasonable riches.
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..Retrospective: A Crack in Everything, Part Two =-.
hoorah @Carina! I’d like to officially adopt your personal ad as my own (if you don’t mind sharing…)
Last night I wrote out my mega personal ad for my 35th year- which kicks off on the 11th- and the main thing I wrote that I wanted to invite in was “flow” but “wu wei” actually describes it better. I want more wu wei in my work, my parenting, my free time, and my feeling great in my body.
Ways this might work:
I could stumble on a brilliant resource or two courtesy of a book, a blog, a teacher- whatever- that helps me to get more aligned.
I could just have something click in my conciousness that allows me to access this state more and more- these things do happen after all…
Some larger stresses and burdens could fall away and free up my energy to focus my flow or wu wei.
My commitment:
I’ll do the work to welcome in this state. I’ll spend more quiet time listening to myself and the world, and I’ll take the right actions as they present themselves.
I’ll keep the feelers out to all things flow and wu wei related.
Lydia and Shawna I have dealt with the same feelings recently. Its tough to be living every day with someone that loves what they do, are great at it and skyrocketing into the life they want,while being stuck yourself. ICK. good luck guys… I’m sure we’ll all figure it out. huzzah!
Update on my last Ad: I did get courage to have a tough conversation and I do have calm surrounding the outcome of it, and maybe even a twinge of excitement. Doing things in the name of sovereignty and wellness has kept me at an even keel moving through this really hard stuff.
This weeks ad:
What I want- to find the right home for me for the next 2 years. I want it to be a comfortable place for me, a place I can have private space to create art and practice shiva nata without fear of being watched/judged/ridiculed. If I have house mates I need them to be nice and generally positive rather than cynical and negatively sarcastic. They need to care about how they live on this earth and how they treat their bodies. I need people that would not be offended by me spending a lot of time doing my own thing,alone, holed up in my ‘studio'(whatever form that may take) Hopefully they will be between the ages of 26-40. Rent needs to be $450 or less and it should be within a 10 minute bike ride to downtown Portland.
How it might come to me-
someone that hangs out here might know of something, or someone I can talk to. Craigslist. Maybe I will run into someone at an art show or other event and they will know of something. Maybe old friends will need a roommate.
My commitment:
to scour craigslist, ask around and explore desirable neighborhoods by bike looking for “for rent” signs. I will not be hasty and compromise what I really need right now in a home. I will be honest with potential house mates and give them the genuine, real me when we meet to see if we are a good fit.
@Brooke Thomas
No, I don’t mind sharing, go right ahead! I’m glad you found this concept helpful. 😀
.-= Carina´s last blog ..Surrealistic Gardens (Cautions: Contains Great Photos) =-.
These are all completely awesome.
I love reading everyone’s ads. It is completely soothing and inspiring for me. Yay. Thank you for being a part of this with me. Amazing.