Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: the just-right buffer phrase.
Here’s what I want:
I need a phrase that means STOP!!! Schtopp!
Ideally it would sound less dramatic.
Though actually I don’t care whether or not it sounds dramatic. I just want it to be a positive, not a negative.
Like: “Okay, Pause! Paws!”
Or like in Ounce Dice Trice, when you can change the subject by saying Flibbertijibbet. Or QUOZ.
Except it isn’t about changing the subject. It’s about saying: “HEY. Urgent need for several seconds of silence in order to reconnect to essence because disconnection has happened.”
Ways this could work:
The truth is, I already have this.
I have Hiro‘s marvelous phrase: “This isn’t working for me.”
I have Ish Kabibble!
I can call a time out AND an Ish Kabibble.
So I guess my ask is really about a) remembering, and b) being able to maintain a calm, light-hearted presence in these situations.
I’ll play with…
Wanting the want.
Noticing the glitch before we’re into the glitchery. Stopping before the essence of the thing I am intent on has left the room.
Thing 2: More about doing things in Grand Fashion.
Here’s what I want:
My experiments with having things happen in Grand Fashion have been a really big deal.
I’d like to do some writing and consolidating of data.
Ways this could work:
Morning writing. Skipping some stones. And, of course, taking five steps backwards. In Grand Fashion.
I’ll play with…
Doing THIS in grand fashion too. Ha! Take that!
Thing 3: Making it fun.
Here’s what I want:
I have a big week ahead of me.
And I’d like all the things that seem impossibly impossible to turn out to be fun.
Or maybe I can be fun in the way that I approach them. I would like to say: Wheeeee this is all new and exciting!
Ways this could work:
I’m planting it here.
I’m also noticing that I have Ludicrous Fear Popcorn about people thinking that I’m having fun, so I want to give more attention to that. Maybe do some Shiva Nata on the patterns so they can reconfigure themselves.
I’ll play with…
Thing 4: We need more cloth, please!
Here’s what I want:
Everyone has been lovely about sending us cloth in purples, blues and greens for the new open-to-the-public Treatment Room.
And we need way more.
Size is unimportant. Sheets, pillow cases, old t-shirts that we can cut up.
Purples and blues more than greens as we already have lots of green.
And DARK or BRIGHT is definitely preferable to pale, though really it all helps.
Ways this could work:
I’m going to ask here again.
Our mailing address:
The Fluent Self, Inc.
1526 NE Alberta, #218
Portland, OR 97211
United States
I’ll play with…
I can also ask at the Floop and on Facebook, aka the Frolicsome Bar.
And I am going to keep working on being okay with receiving help.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I asked for recommendations for CUBBIES, and got lots. Thank you. Special thanks to Angela, for all the great library furniture links!
Still no decisions made on that, but feeling more hopeful about solutions.
I wanted a rolling stool for the massage room, and still want one.
I asked for a fix-it-ey person who can take down the lights at the Playground Caboose. My guess is that we won’t be able to make progress on that until the new space opens, but I will keep asking.
Really, all of the asks from last week were about the pain hiding underneath the wanting. So I’m going to rewrite all of these to focus on the thing that I really want, which is to feel more supported in this gigantic project. And of course the ask behind that is to reconfigure the old patterns that keep me from seeing the support that is there and accessing it.
Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
- You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
- Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
- Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
- VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!
xox
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Just after the beginning of spring, and the new Moon, is a perfect time for some gwishes:
VPA: More Joy in the House. In every way.
WTCW: Play more music, less tv. Especially the Grateful Dead. Dance in the kitchen, dace while i cook. Make time in the evening for a heart centered meditative thingie. More clearing/cleaning energetically.
ICT: Playing with Letting Go, fidn the Happy Path. Choose not to revisit old wounding thoughts. Forcefields! Call bullshit on throwing of shoes.
I asked for a deeper morning practice, which remained consistent and strong. I think adding forcefields to my morning routine would help. Also taking time during the day to fidn my breath and sit.
My medical tests have gone smoothiy so far. Sparkle Points for how I’m managing my care so far
Yoga at 6am sucks so badthat i dont liek ti
Yay VPA on Sunday evening (Europe time)…wheeeeee
VPA update
I wanted to play with Costumes! I did a little of that. I also was hiding from the office almost all week. (hehehe). But I did an interview with Incoming Me. Turns out her name is Joy and she cares tremendously for the simple-yet-chique look. So that cleared up why that was so important. Also she sympathizes with me-now &the hiding situation.
I wanted a huge amount of time for internal decorating and spent time at Floop every day, which was helpful.
Oh and apparently, the week before that – I wanted Joy!!! (completely forgot about that).
Thing 1: Being ok with where I am
Not sure how to describe this. I tried to change the suckiness of the current situation of getting threatened with losing my current position.I realized I couldn’t.
Now I want now-ness and noticing. Exit and entry and pause. Sitting and noticing every day. Enjoying that day even if (there are crazy expectations out there and I don’t know where to hide etc. . Not pushing and making it even harder.
Ways this could work – No clue. I feel I have tried a lot but then that was pushing, too.
I’ll play with – Writing morning pages. Nathalie Goldenberg style zen writing. Mini stories. Minimum willingness unit. Praying? Rewriting the story. Feeling what I am feeling.
Thing 2: A time plan.
I have been collecting clews for ages. Now I’d like to draw up some sort of diary/project with index cards that helps me keep track of things without being icky.
Ways this could work – Have an evening project about it ? Save it for the empty weekend?
I’ll play with – the essence of this
Thing 3: More internal decorating
i had so much fun with it
Ways this could work – free evenings. follow the loopholes. let it be a fractal flower. every little thing can be part of it – like that walk to the station that became a conversation with incoming you.
i’ll play with – questions that i have !
** blowing fairy dust kisses to the VPA-ers of the High Seas!! ***
I refer to stopping as “dog brakes”. You know – that thing dogs do – with the straight front legs, butt in the air, and they’re not goin’ any further. Dog brakes.
Hello, VPAing friends!
I’m having a Stu moment. I read “special thanks to Angela” too fast and it became “Special Agent.” And I am realizing the need in my life for a Special Agent!
Life has improved since knowing about Barrington helped me hire Mrs Pilkington, who is somewhat like Barrington [-whimsy] [+insistence on formal address]. It has improved a lot.
And now the Fluent Self has helped me get a Special Agent. I don’t know much about him, but I am sure his training is extensive. Perhaps he is even a master of the Knitting Arts.
This week I am asking for a timeturner because there is so much to do do do do do! OMG so much.
And I am excited to report that many new friends are coming tonight to create a big meal together. It’s a cookbook club I joined knowing only one person, and it turns out everyone in it is lovely. I will be making blood orange Bellinis, dear Lord! And we will all sit around my crazy Black Forest carven trestle table that I brought into my life for just this purpose. Yay!
Finally, as Leni says, “Yoga at 6am sucks so badthat i dont liek ti.” Man, I couldn’t agree more.
Ooh, VPAs!
Last week I asked for a lovely and playful trip to New Orleans, and I totally had that! And I {Silent Retreat}-ed my second VPA, but I totally got what I wanted in the most wonderful way! And I realized it happened because I gave myself permission to want what I want. I am totally going to be playing with doing that all the time now!
And since I just discovered a huge new want, here we go!
The Thing!
Here’s what I want:
{Silent Retreat}
Ways this could work:
Trust. Ease. Flow. Possibility. Harmonious timing. Receptivity. Sovereignty. Confidence. Play!
I’ll play with:
Giving myself permission to want what I want.
Updates!
Last week I wanted health for eyes and legs. Legs are good. Ice and rest and not running made for a wonderful 15 mile bike ride today. And I may have solved the eye problem. They have been whitish (as opposed to pink and red) for 2 days now! This is huge. Vision is still blurry at a distance but should improve as well as parts begin remembering how to function.
I also wanted clients – new people have called, old people have come back, so that is moving along nicely and I’d like to re-place that ad for this week too. More of the same and more please!
One of my silent retreats is doing something. Simmering maybe? Sort of on the right track but can’t quite tell. Keep this one posted, maybe thinking of some more clear intentions.
This Week:
I would like the energy and drive to take decisive action on things. From cases to cleaning to daily walks to whatever else needs to be done. I think I’m coming out of a hibernation phase, and I’d like to keep moving.
I would also like whatever it is that I’m doing on Match to go well. For me to find the right people and the right people to find me. For us to be open and take a chance. For the way we come across online to be close to what we are in real life. For all beings to find happiness.
I would like forward movement on that one thing. Insight about it’s resolution. Clarity about its lessons. And money to address it.
And I am going to keep working on being okay with receiving help. — Havi
Forget moments of bing – that’s a ginormous BYOYOYOYONNNNNGGGGGG! of resonance right there.
Oho yes.
I have a big VPA this week.
Here’s what I want
$2000, so I can travel to April Rally (Rally!) and pay my expenses while I’m there.
Ways this could work
Lots of Right People could encounter my fundraising song (a wiser me is very clear that this isn’t a “drive” of any kind, so I’m playing with names).
I’ve just put up a blog post explaining the whole thing.
People who see that post could be moved to share it with their circles.
It could turn out that a bajillion people have been only waiting for the right time to buy stuff from me, and they’ve all just had an unlikely win on the horses. Or similar.
20 people could give me an average of $100 each…
40 people could give me an average of $50 each…
80 people could give me an average of $25 each…
400 people could give me an average of $5 each…
Each of those people could feel certain that they’ve received something beautiful and valuable in return for their extraordinary generosity.
I’ll play with…
Lovingly meeting my stuff and taking it (e.g.) to the Floop.
Carrying on singing regardless.
Staying in touch with myself.
And to reiterate, working on being okay with receiving help.
Oh, yes, and SUBMITTING this comment instead of just staring at the screen…
Right. Here goes. Yiz are all fabulous.
XXL
*dives in*
Here’s what I want:
Thing 1: a filing system for my financial stuff and my school stuff, instead of one big binder where I dump everything.
Ways this could work:
– Get a multi-file thing from the dollar store
I’ll play with:
– Not beating myself up for not having done this ages ago.
– Allowing myself to be overwhelmed.
– Doing just one thing (or just ten things).
Thing 2: Ease and grounding.
Big week, again. Almost the end of the semester, final assignments, meetings, exams, tuition fees for summer, job applications, student loan application, and then everything that comes with being human. So I would like ease and grounding to help me sail through next week, without dropping balls or burning out. There is some pain and fear showing up here – hello pain, hello fear 🙂 Don’t worry, I am trying to take care of you.
Ways this could work:
– rituals, small, short ones. Maybe even something like kissing my Bunny locket, or touching it, or holding it in my hand.
– old turkish lady yoga
– short meditation breaks
– boundaries around my time (!!!)
I’ll play with:
– permission
– doing loving things for coming-in-me
– talking to slightly-future-me when I feel overwhelmed
– listening to me-who-knows
Thing 3: a morning ritual that I can do while I’m in bed, to help me create the space I need in the morning to not feel smothered/pressured to get to work right away.
Ways this could work:
– I could collect some information for the next few days about what I need in the morning (socks, water, and..?)
– I could experiment with different meditation/yoga combinations
– I could put together a playlist to wake me up, instead of an alarm.
– I could do morning VPAs
I might play with:
– thinking of unexpected possibilities
– listening to my body
– fractal flowering/letting the idea percolate
VPA update from last week:
I asked for all the stuff pertaining to renting a new place to go smoothly. It did. I asked for my taxes to be done. This also happened in a rather unexpected way. There is still something I need to sort out, which I can do on Monday. I asked for grounding and ease – I’m not sure I got there entirely, but I didn’t drop any balls (yes, the more I say it, the funnier it sounds 😛 ). I also asked for a decision regarding summer courses, which happened spontaneously and easily.
I asked for a job, and though I’ve got a referral, I still haven’t applied for it. I feel like there is a lot of non-obvious stuck here, and I need to do more interacting with it. So re-asking for the opportunity to do some destuckification early in the week too.
Throwing things into the pot:
– maybe cutting sugar out of my diet?
– a way to mark Bunny’s absence
– more congruous summer clothes
– rituals to give myself love
– a home work out routine?
Sending out lots of <3 for everyone's wants 🙂
Hello hello, VPA time – I welcome you and make space for you.
Wow. Just… wow. Got about a month’s worth of Asks in a few days.
Update on last week’s Ask: I requested a change in time perception and while I didn’t get very far on that internally, I *did* get it external space from a looming deadline, annnd my boss got me a helper!! A real one!! I did also get Space Asks from prior weeks, in a big way. Thank you THANK YOU VPAs and Asks and Havi for Rally (Rally!) which spawned this awareness and whichever part of the US worked it out when I wasn’t looking. Still waiting on larger context for my TST but I’m feeling very optimistic.
2 new VPAs for this week:
#1 – Universal Blessings for the NewSpace
Lovelyman and I already love the space. The broker who showed it to us has lived in the building for years. It’s in a diverse neighborhood, at the top of a hill, with a renovated park an easy walk away. However, I know from long experience that this does not necessarily mean good things for a space. I am wishing for wellwishes from all corners and curves of the Universe towards our sweet new space. This is a long-term ask, as we won’t move in until 3 weeks from now, but I figure we can use all the Blessings and good vibes the Universe is willing to give us.
Blooms for it:
– Find some rituals for invoking blessings.
– Just putting it out there could bring blessings.
– I could bring it to the River.
What I’ll Plant:
– Yet more gratitude and Love for this Space and its sheltering.
– Asking for transitional love from close friends.
#2 – Appropriate Bravery
There is something that I want very much. I want to be brave about asking for it. I keep working on scenarios in which I ask. However, since I’m a writer, the dialogues I am imagining come from heroes and adventurers – I want dialogue that comes from me, as a professional, as a diplomat. Not doing so well on those, though I am becoming rather good about being diplomatic in the moment.
Blooms for it:
– I could unearth some true trust in myself.
– I could bring just the right US to the front of the V.
– Acquiring the will to make the Ask could prompt the right language.
What I’ll Plant:
– Acknowledgement and Love for the Ask.
– Love and Cheerleading and Conversations for the folks in the US who don’t want to Ask.
Tons of hand-on-heart sighs and love for everyone.
Goodbye, goodbye VPA time, and thank you for being with me.
Last week’s VPAs:
I wanted to learn about the internal and external obstacles to self care. I started a process for this and am ready for the next step. Re-asking this one in a slightly different form.
I wanted to clear physical space for self care activities. That is in process, but progress is slow. I am asking this one again.
I wanted cooperation with others involved in and affected by the current situation. The situation changed somewhat, and the cooperation among us has had to reflect that. It’s working.
This week’s VPAs:
The main thing I need can be summed up as “Tizmun”. I want things to happen smoothly, in the right order, and without complications.
And I need rest, nourishment, and exercise in proper proportions to support me in doing the things that I am supposed to do this week.
One day this week I want to take an early train to Chicago and spend the day at the Art Institute, returning home on the late train. I want the trip to be more than a trip resulting in expense and tiredness; I want it to be a real break and a rest and an inspiration for something or other.
Into the pot!
VeeePeeeAAAAAAAAA (sung like I mean it) 🙂
First time posting a VPA and sending out rah rah RAHs for everyone’s assorted asks.
Thing 1: Mental space to get my work done — this week is absolutely bananas and I have a big project to pull together for next week, and I’m freaking out a little
WTCW: put up a “turbo time” sign; ask to work from home for a few hours; put in earplugs and music
I’ll play with: all the above PLUS reminding myself that my project is a pilot and it’s an opportunity to LEARN
Thing 2: Beauty — I have come to accept that I’m a person who needs beauty in my life
WTCW: tidying the space, bringing in art and plants
I’ll play with: spending 10 minutes each evening tidying up from Baby; finding things that make my heart sing when I look at them and giving them homes in my home
One final push to take that leap of faith.
That’s all I want and need right now.
VPAs!
Last week I wanted progress on April being the month of making money with love, and I got tons! I even made it 1/5th of the way to my monetary goal.
And then I had a bigger ask about welcoming for the eventual baby, which was kind of a longer term thing. But all kind of stuff happened on that somewhat accidentally, so yay.
This week:
Ask 1: A feeling of welcome
I’m currently in my mother-in-law’s house. Which leaves a bit to be desired in a few areas. But actually, it’s been a really nice and unexpected break from all the patterns of my everyday life.
And I want to return home to a feeling of welcome. Into the patterns that need to start. Into the parts that need to stay. Into this time of (possibly long) transition to a new living area. Into a new way of approaching work and life.
All of this with welcoming.
How that could work: Cleaning could happen easily. I could feel more rest and support in my doing. There could be more tea. More resting. My room could be rearranged.
What I’ll do: LEVEL 3! And naps. Lots of forgiveness spray.
Ack! Sunday!
Last week, I wanted to show up for and get progress on critiques, taxes (shudder), and my novel revisions. I didn’t get much done on the critiques, I did turn in taxes to accountant, and my novel’s about halfway revised. Whew.
This week:
VPA #1: To complete the revisions. They’re due Monday.
How this could work: I could stick to the set schedule of 4 scenes per day. I could get a burst of inspiration, and get more done. Or the stuff I have could need less revision than I think.
My commitment: To create space for the revisions — to have a loving, curious container for the revisions. To remind myself why I love this story.
VPA #2: To explore a new metaphor for promotion. And possibly a proxy.
How this could work: Could put it to the Floop. Play with it with crayons and markers. Work it into my Permaculture Metaphor (yay!)
My commitment: to noodle it very gently and not expect anything right away.
VPA #3: Self-care. This is going to be a busy week, and there’s a potential for the old pre-deadline burnout.
How this could work: I could create containers. Or find multi-level stuff that both gets stuff done AND nurtures me. Not quite sure.
My commitment: to pay attention to my body and my energy levels and what my instincts are telling me.
Sending good thoughts to all your VPA’s!
Last week I wanted to improve my lung/gut health and to sequester the Things for Later somewhere where they would be okay being Later. I took a couple of steps toward the former; ended up with my hands so full with Things for Now that the Laters generally couldn’t even squish near the door (although there were the visits from a pair of rogue muses, and the bout of manic insomnia-qua-iguana-lassoing…).
I want to set those asks to the side this week, in favor of more immediate, more playable-with things. Starting with
Thing 1: sorts. I be out of them. Objectively, I like all the stuff on my plate, but I look at the plate and feel majorly squnchy and stuck.
WTWC:
self-care first and foremost
dusting off the DVD?
reading/writing prayers
revisiting notes from a year ago?
scheduled cookbook-exploring time?
I’ll play with:
visiting the “just one thing” post
thinking about what does(n’t) work for me wrt permission slips
(just typed “permission sips” – play with that too?)
Thing 2: my brain to click with some way of reframing several self-care tasks as fun/restorative rather than costly/boring. I don’t have a shortage of suggestions. In fact, that may be part of the problem…
WTWC:
* run around this by decluttering sheafs of advices and bookmarks?
* something with color and calendars?
I’ll play with: picking one to get friendlier with
Thing 3: transition mojo. I need to update a slew of materials for an incoming committee chair.
What I’d like to remember:
* anything I do will improve what I started out with
* dealing with this now means it won’t be in my hair in June
* when I’m in sorts, I really enjoy providing/organizing info
What I’ll play with:
* taking as much space in the house as I need to get this done (which, really, I’m allowed, but lately I’ve been feeling increasingly self-conscious about how sprawly and cluttery I get. Which is a thing to grapple with in its own right, but not this week)
Thing 4: to make the right decision re length and scope of an upcoming trip
WTWC / I’ll play with:
* writing out best and worst-case scenarios schedule-wise
* looking at an events calendar for the city in question
* pondering whether a “staycation” would answer the non-business ask that’s come up
Gwishes:
* people buying my book
* people enjoying my book
* people liking the new stuff I’m writing/circulating
* cell phone provider to be helpful and non-evil when I call to downgrade my plan and improve my phone
Wishing everyone answers to their asks, both posted and silent.
Ish Kabibble! My goodness that’s fun to say.
Thing #1: progress
I want to get my current commission to the showing-the-client state this week.
Ways it could work: all the things I talked about with Shannon. Sailing the high Cs! Taking my sketchbook on outings, setting it apart. I will: Tap into my strong desire for completion, into the spaciousness that having this finished will bring. Into my enthusiasm for the subject matter. Into my love of the flow state of drawing.
Thing #2: painting with oils
I want to! I need the paints first though, so my ask is really about making the trip across town to the discount art store to get them.
Ways / play: I can take the bus straight there from my house! I might make this my secret mission one day this week. Maybe rewatch my still life painting class videos, especially the one about materials. I might set up a still life before I go buy paints, to get me in the mood for this and be more clear about the colors I want.
Thing #3: puddlemuddy
A conflicted want which I am mostly silent retreating. But the qualities involved are comfort, warmth, belonging, affection, delight, silliness, soothing sensory envelopment. Ways & play: connecting to those qualities, internally and externally. Wanting what I want. Investigating the particulars of this desire.
Thing #4: safety & peace
I want this in my home, filling it up and readily available for all who want it. I want it to happen naturally, organically, communally, without forcing or striving.
Ways & play: Radiating qualities. Magic spells. Singing. Alignment exercise. Forcefielding many many times. Conferring with G. Visual cues.
Thing #5: yo-GA! yo-GA!
More yoga! I love it and it is good for me. I would like this to be part of my daily routine, ideally. And I wanna take my time while doing it.
Ways / play: Continuing to use the Yin Yoga DVD. Experimenting with room rearrangements that facilitate this. Downloading some Bryan audio to my phone. Stop-drop-and-yoga whenever I’m noticing tension or tightness. I might look for resources to remind me of poses & variations, since it’s been a while and I forget. Also it is good with friends! Maybe Havi would like company again, or I could possibly do partner yoga with other Portlanders.
Thing #6: clothes
I want to dress nice! And have neat clothes! And basically feel that I look good, that my appearance is congruent with my feelings and self of the moment. While also being the right temperature and waterproof-ness and pocket-having and so on.
Ways & play: Continuing to reorganize my closet, rediscovering treasures I already have. Being on the lookout for likely and affordable additions. Conscious entry into the getting-ready ritual. Wanting what I want, even when I don’t see how I can get it. Drawing cute clothes from reality or imagination. Working on my stuff around been seen and appreciated.
<3 <3 <3
Oh, all the asks and gwishes make me happy this morning!
Update on last week’s VPA: I wanted Resolution on a number of things. Things are creeping that direction, but no resolution quite yet.
This week, I’d like acceptance and ease around the situations that I want resolution to.
I’ll play with spaciousness and fractal gardening. And nice deep breaths.
Thing 2: There’s a chance I may be able to have a mini-rally, just with me and my ideas! There’s lots of people that I’ll need to see on a trip, but with luck (and boundaries) I’ll have maybe 8 solid hours of play time!
I’ll play with asking for what I want, and making it an addition to my dammit list, dammit!
A thought about your fix-it-y lights-y person. Do you have a theatre near the playground caboose, or a college/university (sorry, cultural gap here, not sure what they are in the states!)with a theatre attached? You could perhaps speak to them – Theatre techies (I used to be a lighting technician professionally) often do that sort of thing on the side for people, and students who do techie work/courses are often amenable to a bit of work for little/no cash. I re-wired a school theatre for wine once. And I was better qualified than most of the local sparkies to do it…
My own VPA – what I want is… a protective sphere. Sovereignty, I suppose it is, but more safe. I want the stuff that is happening to bounce off of me – I am all in my hurty stuff at the moment and there are so many shoes flying and I can’t seem to see my way through the entire mess. I want to feel like I am part of something, not on the outside, with the shoes. Oh, interesting. Isolated in my sphere but part of a thing. Those don’t quite work. I almost wrote that the shoes must be my fault. I think this is part of the problem – shoes are never your own fault, are they? Can you bring a shoe on yourself, somehow? Without knowing? I want to sort out the hurty stuff, but it all feels too big right now, and, there are just, urrrgh! SILENT RETREAT!!!
Ways this could work – to try and remember that their shoes are not mine, they are theirs, and I don’t need to deal with both. Even if their shoe is setting off my stuff. The sun could shine and I might just feel better. A little secret “you’re ok, everything is ok” sign. I could feel like I own my force field. Maybe I need to get one. An imaginary cape. I could remember it’s ok to feel stuff, sometimes. I could feel like I belonged somewhere, to something.
Things to do to help this – Monster colouring. A little bit of me space, preferably under a blanket with a cat on top. Try and work out why one thing in particular is setting off so much of the hurty stuff, when there is no obvious logical reason for it to. Flower in my hair and a scarf to pretend I’ve my cape on. To reach out my little tendrils to try and engage again. Perhaps some new trousers.
Mmm. Hi, Monday. I am sleepily opening my eye at you.
What I want: Sweetness for this week. Ease for this week. I think these have to do with one another, so it’s really one ask. I’m feeling sleepy, and not sure of my ability to know what I need and give it to myself. And sweetness and ease seem like what I want this to transform into.
Ways this could work: Hmm. I could remember that I’m wanting these things. I could notice sweetness where it is around me. Little, tiny meditations. Yoga toes. Candles. Tea. Time with friends. Excitement about the little things. Sleeeeeeep.
I’ll play with: Being curious, and collecting information like Mary Russell. Maybe I’ll try being a bit English, also like Mary Russell. Hee! Remembering that it’s just one week.
PS. you guys! you know what doesn’t suck at 6 am?? watching scrubs! or doing other stuff you wanna do ‘with permission’. because it’s so crazy early nobody is awake!
The paws/pause word that came to mind is “Breather!” No blame, low drama (for me, mebbe not for you, and a reminder for me to breathe. Notice. Step back a sec.
Working on my VPAs elsewhere, but holding love for all of yours. xo
Oh VPAs, I am going to dive in (carefully) because I can’t even access this part of my brain until I’m just *doing* it, writing it, etc. Okay, here goes.
Last week: I kept my VPAs in my notebook but I did Investigations and I did some Introductions that I wanted, hooray! I will re-ask the one about books because that didn’t end up happening. I did some fractal-flowering around a summer gwish, even though the gwish itself isn’t here yet, and I also did some planting of seeds (not a metaphor!) even though my VPA was all about the meta side of being okay with gardening-without-a-garden. Yay.
New things!
VPA 1: Listing the Gwishes!
I have so many hovering gwishes, some are delayed because I know exactly how to do them, I just have to wait for the money to align itself. Which is will, in one week. I want a list so I can get it all out of my head and not have to think about it any more. So this VPA is really about: clarity and honoring desire, and freeing up space to do something else besides fret I will forget about something.
Ways this could work
The list. Make one.
Also: like the unspooling technique, I have a feeling more is waiting to be listified and downloaded than just the gwishes.
Do I need a project docket, like at work?? Maybe so. Because some of these gwishes are more like small projects. Okay, will think about this one.
My commitment
Stay open to the idea that this may be larger than I think. Focus on the grounding aspects of having projects out of my brain and on paper. Add color, because color makes everything better!
.
Gwishes because I’m having trouble coming up with any other full VPAs: for desire to make itself known (gently), for more delicious moments, for spaciousness with work projects, for peaceful belly, and for energy and space to do all the things I know make my week easier.
Kisses to all the gwishes and VPAs!
What I want:
To write my story by the Friday deadline and have it be good!
Ways this could work/I’ll play with:
Do it right now. Use the monster notebook. Somehow channel the voice I want, get in the zone. Really, at this point, the main thing is to just write a lot. Maybe do it in Grand Fashion to make it less scary, more fun, and maybe the fun will be inspiring? I could wear a hat, use Sprezzatura, make some sort of concoction.
What I want:
For the house to be clean when the potential roommate visits tomorrow. For this person, if she be the right roommate for me, to be attracted to the place and say yes and then sign the lease.
Ways this could work:
For me to clean (complicated by the fact I need to be writing). For my current roommate to help clean (she doesn’t seem very motivated). For there to be some sort of frisson or understanding between us so we know we should be roommates?
Re: your desire for a replacement for “STOP!”
I’ve used this technique while facilitating for years now.
“If you can hear me, say: ‘weird'”
Here’s a free description of the technique from the lovely person that I learned it from. It really works, and is actually a cool sort of way to refocus your group.
http://store.training-wheels.com/sayovowiatge.html