Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my weekly ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do it.
Thing 1: a decision. And the right words for it.
Here’s what I want:
I’m in the midst of making all these structural changes here in my brain at The Fluent Self headquarters. That means website changes.
But what it really means is linguistic changes.
So here’s the thing: I need to be able to differentiate in my site navigation between two different types of things.
There will be one page about “events” (the biggification seminar I’m teaching in Sacramento in December, an online course about pricing, another three-day thing in the spring …)
And there will be a separate page that’s just about ongoing, year-long programs. Like the Kitchen Table program. But also about my Big New Thing which starts in January.
But I don’t know what to name these things in the navigation.
“Events” and “programs” is too confusing. How is anyone supposed to know what the difference is between an event and a program?
Some things in each categories are in-person and some are online.
The only distinction that I’m making is that the things on the first page are all short term (a day, a week, six weeks) and the things on the second page run for all of 2010 — from January to December.
Anyway, I am so completely tangled up and confused that I can’t even think straight anymore. And then I end up not finishing these pages because I don’t know what to call them. Which is very very frustrating.
Here’s how I want to this to work:
- Someone could make a suggestion that just makes sense. Maybe one of my brilliant commenters knows something I don’t know or sees something I can’t see.
- Something could come to me in meditation or after my Shiva Nata practice.
- I could wake up with the right answer.
- Hiro could have a brilliant spark of an idea.
- One of my pirate crew will think of something.
- Magic.
My commitment.
To be as patient as I can stand with this one. I keep getting hung up on things like this, and then having trouble moving forward on everything else.
So I’m going to keep bringing awareness to this pattern, without guilting myself about not being able to do things differently when I really, really want to be doing things differently.
I’m going to ask for help. I will be open to opportunity. I’m ready for this one.
Thing 2: My FAQ page that refuses to write itself
Here’s what I want:
To have the balls to finish writing it and put it up, despite the associated stuckification.
Ways this could work:
I could write a post about my stuckification, which pretty much always seems to help.
My commitment.
To pay attention to my stuff when it comes up. To be kind with myself. To ask for help.
Thing 3: Clarity
Here’s what I want:
To know what I need to do next.
Ways this could come to me:
It could just come.
My commitment.
To pay attention. To listen. To keep watch. To trust myself more.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Last time I asked for, among other things, sexy productivity. And yeah, it has come in little jumps and spurts. Not as much as I would have liked — but when it’s around, things are happening.
And the rest of the time, there’s at least reasonably good progress happening in my head.
I also talked about wanting to use my body more, and I have — which has been my salvation this week.
My gentleman friend and I have been walking for hours each day and going dancing nearly every night. I haven’t come back to my regular yoga practice, but have been finding my way into familiar poses each day.
The main thing I’m happy about is that this has all been happening in a gentle, guilt-free way — and that was really at the core of my ask.
The last thing was about healthy boundaries. I don’t know if I’m ready to go into this in more detail yet, but I’ll just say that progress is being made on this front as well, and I’m certainly learning a lot.
All in all, feeling surprisingly good about everything that has transpired since last week.
Mini-unrelated-announcement.
The obscene sale on the class I taught with Naomi last year? Officially over. And yeah, I knew there was no way it would last for two weeks. Thanks so much for being a part of it, and I hope you love it.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about I would like to receive in the comments. And that way, if you feel like leaving one (you totally don’t have to), you get to be part of this experiment too. 🙂
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for.
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird. I commit to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and to interact with their ideas and with my own stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Follow
“one off events” vs “ongoing teaching”? You’ll have thought of that, already I guess. Gah, hope someone triggers something…
And my personal ad from ages ago? I now know what to do first. I just need to settle down, actually do it!
Main Heading (I can’t find exactly the right one, but Selma will know)
Two sub-headings:
“One Night Stands”
“Long-term Relationships”
Okay, it’s not that I think this is a *good* idea, exactly, but I offer it in the spirit of brainstorming, in the hopes that it will lead to the answer you’re seeking: how about “pirate cruises” vs. “pirate voyages”?
I am amazed at how hard it’s been for me to take the plunge and post my own first Itty Bitty Personal Ad. Taking the plunge…*now*!
Wanted: the internal and external resources to complete and defend the preliminary exam projects that are the next step along the path to my PhD in music therapy. I need to have all seven projects completed and submitted by November 25, so that I can schedule my defense for December 9.
How this can work: I can remember to ask for help whenever I need it, in big ways and small ways. I can get my inner child on board, helping her have fun with the work whenever possible (it’s writing! you love writing! look, look, we’re writing!) and soothing her with treats and right-sized breaks when it gets scary and stressful. *I can re-write my personal story*, changing it from “that poor dear who was so overwhelmed that she just couldn’t do it” to “that amazing woman who woke up, in the eleventh hour, and made the magic happen!” Oh, and one more time, because it bears repeating: I can remember to ask for help, *whenever* I need it.
My commitment: To stay with it, for better or for worse, when it feels good and when it doesn’t. To have compassion for myself, allowing myself to feel scared and sick and like utter crap *while staying with it anyway*.
Whew. I think I’m ready for another pirate cruise, myself. I’ll dream of pirate voyages, too, and in the meantime, I’ll do my Shiva Nata today. That’s both external resource *and* internal resource.
I’d say “short term events” instead of “one off,” which sort of sounds to me like something the Mafia might do.
This is not a personal ad, but a personal celebration of at least a small unstuckedness: An annoying thing happened to me yesterday that resulted in my actually sitting down and writing a blog post, the first since (shhh) August. And I got a comment! Boo on the annoying thing. Yay on the result. Here’s to many more!
(Blog posts, not annoying things.)
.-= Carol Logan Newbill´s last blog ..It’s Your Responsibility to Fix It – Not Mine! =-.
I was going to suggest “one-time events” and “on-going programs” but I love the pirate cruises and pirate voyages idea.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Thursday Thank You (belated . . .) =-.
For some reason the word bite-sized comes to mind about the one-off events (which doesn’t sound Mafia-y to me, for what it’s worth). Also the words discrete vs. ongoing, but none of those seems right. But maybe they’ll spark something better from someone else? I’m at least thinking about writing a personal ad, so I’m counting that as good.
.-= Darcy´s last blog ..Book: Jacquard’s Web =-.
I like the one-off vs. ongoing teaching. Or how about workshops / seminars (which I understand to be anything between an afternoon and a week) and ongoing teaching?
Wanted:
– health and energy. I have a horrible flu and it is the third time this year that I have fallen ill right before or after a major thing at work. There’s a conference coming up next Friday where I will have to give a presentation. It is not the fact that I have to give a presentation that scares me, it is the fact that it is about the project I have been employed for since January and that actually hardly interests me at all and does not involve any of the things I like doing in a job. And so I am not doing a good job, I can’t concentrate when I am at work and can’t be convincing about what I am doing when giving a presentation.
– an open conversation with my bosses to tell them that I am the wrong person for the job, that I would still love to stay with them because the people are great but that it would have to be in a different position. And a good reaction from their part. Or:
– an entirely new job that involves team work (in a nice team!), writing skills, translation skills, organizing skills. Ideally in the arts. Someone I know could phone and offer me a job or tell me about a job that could be interesting for me.
How this can work:
– FOCUS on what I really want. Form an intention. Intention is everything.
– ask to speak to my boss and get it out of the way THIS WEEK
My committment:
Stop procrastinating and hoping that problems will just evaporate. Make time for those 10 or 20 or 30 minutes of meditation, Shiva Nata or yoga every day. More activity, less brooding. Taking good care of myself without sef-pity. I will go to work tomorrow and be fit enough for it and still try and do a good job on Friday.
Havi,
The Kitchen Table feels like a Community to me, don’t know if the new thing is like that also. I agree that programs and events are too close, but either of them would work for short term. Wonder if something like a little and a lot could work? Not the exact words, but the concept. Short course and Long Voyage?
Dipping my toe into the personal ads:
Wanted: I want partners in my work who operate from a place of abundance and with joy. We create a much greater whole than the sum of our parts.
How this can work: Specifically, the contract I have been working on can shift into a place where it feels supportive and collaborative (if that is the right path). Other creative collaborative people can begin to participate in the new system I am working on. The universe could show me new ways.
My commitment is to be open to possibility. To listen carefully to the messages and look for opportunities.
.-= Christine Martell´s last blog ..Looking at slices of time =-.
I get the difference between Events and Programs, but I can see where it would be confusing. The two categories kind of reminded me of two of my savings accounts, which I named Short Term and Long Term respectively. 🙂 Events, Year-Long Programs. Cruises, Voyages. I hope you find the right words! 🙂
@Carol: yay for the blog post! and the comment!
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..i love vacations =-.
My notes tell me this is lucky #13 that I’ve participated in this ritual. Let’s hope I’m getting better at it! XD
Update on Previous Asks: I started a new schedule this week and did pretty good at sticking to it, and even got started on a project I’d been avoiding, as well as making some good progress on another one.
What I Want: A balance between money needs and money coming in so that I can let go of this constant anxiety about it, so that every small or not-so-small thing that comes up isn’t another source of stress.
How This Could Happen: Stuff could stop going wrong that needs money to fix. Work could stay steady so that sticking to the aforementioned schedule actually brought in that theoretical amount of money. Paintings could sell. Something could surprise me.
My Commitment: Posting paintings for sale, with Paypal buttons (I’ve done one!). Working at working, to stick to my schedule and get the most out of it. Trying to find some trust that the money will come in, instead of constantly mentally worrying at the problem like a dog with an old rag, gnaw gnaw gnaw.
.-= Amy Crook´s last blog ..Art: Molten Sky =-.
Also, I keep thinking of degrees from products to in-person workshops/events to long-term programs: Tastes and Snacks and Meals; Dip in Your Toes, Come for a Boat Ride, Sign On for the Long Haul… I’m sure Selma will have some great ideas! 😉
.-= Amy Crook´s last blog ..Art: Molten Sky =-.
If there’s enough room, how about “events (one-time)” and “programs (ongoing)”. I like people’s ideas about incorporating the pirate theme, too.
Update on my ad about long-term clients for my trauma healing business: I’m really glad I asked. It broke through (or was the sign of breaking through) another level of stuckness around visibility and my business. It’s been a long haul! Now I know it’s okay to set a wild goal and try to make it happen, without stressing about the final outcome.
Last week’s post here didn’t appear for a while (held for moderation?), and I noticed that I stressed about what could have been wrong with it. I’m glad it showed up in the end!
I generally feel more peaceful, and I’m noticing opportunities and following up on them. This week’s ask: I hope that continues, and I’ll keep doing my part!
Sonia Connolly
http://www.TraumaHealed.com
Sonia’s latest article: Invite Your Longing to Tea
“Where I’ll be”
“What I’m always doing”
“Extra! Extra!”
“Regular Features”
I totally stole that idea from the newspaper boy at the top of your page.
“Sprint Calendar”
“Marathon Calendar”
If you go with Calendars could there be just one? With two colors maybe, and a brief explanatory legend? Like the one you just gave up there in the ask?
“Little Bigifications”
“Ginormous Bigifications”
( BTW, I really like that word. )
“Coming Affairs”
“Ongoing Commitments”
“Where I’ll be for you”
“What I’m always doing for you”
.-= Batronyx´s last blog ..Oh what fun! =-.
bite-sized and whole enchilada (but with the ethnic food of your choice)
The thing about these suggestions is they may be more playful, but are even less clear than programs and events.
one time and continuing are not quirky at all but move in the direction of clarity.
Excited for the site changes and the New Big Thing.
.-= Mahala Mazerov´s last blog ..Photography as Meditation: The Friday Flower =-.
Good Sunday Evening!
Update: I promised that this Sunday I would sit down to watch MadMen w/out angst about tomorrow. I feel excited about tackling a new day, having found some peace with the stair stacking success of my corporate husband-man/
What I Want: To hold my head up with distinction over the money spending decisions I have made. As I am not the primary contributor of income, I find that I belittle the decisions I make with our money, that I’m not allowed to make decisions about the well being of myself and my husband because I lack the power associated with making it. This week I want to confer value back onto myself.
How: When I second guess myself, I will stand back and actively challenge the validity of my logic.
Commitment: I want to share all of myself with the world and can only do that when I honor who I am as I am today. That’s reason enough.
.-= Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last blog ..Sew Not Happening =-.
So far? Inspired by you, I’ve asked for a new home. http://chappysmom.com/2009/08/22/wanted-a-new-home/ This is still a work in progress, but it looks like we’ve found a rental that meets most of the criteria.
And then, I asked for a Literary Agent. http://punctualityrules.com/2009/08/22/wanted-literary-agent-of-my-dreams/ Nothing seems to be coming from this one yet, but … dreams take time, right? Anyway, I figured it couldn’t hurt to ask!
Would it be bad to just call one thing “Events” and the other “On-going Programs?” Not as sexy as the pirate suggestions above, but easy and simple.
As to the FAQ that won’t write itself-I rope other people into helping me when I can’t budge (good extrovert tactic). Might work for you too. Can you dictate your FAQ to someone else (besides Stu? Somebody real?).
What I want: To start writing about the spiritual side of business and not be afraid. Or be afraid but do it anyway.
How: Go ahead and do it. Maybe show the posts to someone else first.
Commitment: Write 2 posts. I already know what they’re about. Show them to my buddy Karen. Rinse, repeat.
PS- Thanks, Havi, for this blog. I love reading it.
.-= Christy Strauch´s last blog ..Marketing: Could it Actually be Fun? =-.
Seems like the “events” are Destinations and the ongoing things are Journeys. Could be Upcoming and Always though. Even Desserts and Main Courses. Even Quick Magic and Continuous Magic. Hell, even Affairs and Long Term Relationships…
Whatever you choose, I’m sure it’ll be the right ones.
Big electronic wherever this finds you.
Hmmm. “Biggification” and “Extended Biggification”?
What I want: to know in my heart that I will be able to replace my salary with work that does not suck my soul nor involve any supervision by soul-suckers.
How this can happen: I can reread past professional bios to remind myself I don’t suck. I can solicit friends for examples of work that I do that they think is worthy of someone paying for. I can sell some of my unused vintage jewelry for way more than I paid for them, thus validating my taste, accruing cash and decluttering simultaneously.
My commitment: to ask for compliments for once. To solicit ideas from my friends. To ask my current employer if I can finish my next project on a contract. To finish my home voiceover studio. Enough for now!
What I want: For my 4-year-old’s surgery tomorrow to go smoothly. For her to handle the pre-surgery fast and post-surgery grogginess as well as possible. For my one-year-old to be happy with his grandparents while I’m with my first baby. And for me to not melt down at an inappropriate moment.
How this can happen: Lots and lots of support, great doctors, and the universe just coming together for us.
My commitment: I will not freak out over Every Little Thing. I will not eat in front of my kid, I will bring lots of snacks and toys for the one-year-old, and I will take a break if I need it.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Tastes Like Home =-.
Hi Havi:
How about Workshops (for the 1 day – week long experiences)
and Year Long Experiences/Opportunities – I really look at your year long thing as an opportunity (that word is more exciting to me).
It doesn’t make that much difference to me what ya call it – as someone interested in your work, I’d click on both and figure it out from there.
.-= Char´s last blog ..Happy New Year!!! =-.
The Kitchen Table theme makes me think of
Pull up a Chair, and Stay a While.
If it’s not too personal, I’d love to know what yoga poses you do when you only do one or two?
.-= Sandra´s last blog ..Olympics are a no-go =-.
Hi Havi,
How about you just use one tab for all the events, programs, workshops that you do. You could title it workshops. Your readers then can see what each description means and decide for themselves. Afterall the people you want know your style of thinking, so they will get it.
Hope this helps.
.-= Ursula´s last blog ..Watermelon Radish Chips with Cumin Salt =-.
How about “Face-to-Face” and “In this Space”? I really like a lot of Gilbert’s ideas!
No ideas about the page tabs – sorry – although I like Batronyx’s ideas.
My ask:
A way forward… that would be nice.
To know where I truly stand at the moment work wise so that I may make a decision.
Or the confidence to make a decision on where I stand so that I can choose a way forward.
Because right now I feel like a rabbit in headlights and no idea how to stop feeling dazzled, panicky and confused and 1) get out of the way of the approaching car, thereby preserving my life as I know it and 2) Find a different way.
How this can come to me:
I don’t know, I just don’t. Inspiration could strike me out of the blue, someone could confirm what the hell is happening at the end of the month, someone could tell me I have a job, or an interview even. I could play the lottery, I could then win the lottery.
Really – I have no idea.
My commitment:
Well I won’t climb under the duvet and hope that this will go away. I will take responsibility for my affairs, as I always do and I will continue to show up. Other than that, I’m feeling pretty damn passive right now.
.-= Wormy´s last blog ..You’re Invited! =-.
About the site pages, the very first impression that came to me is that one is about trying stuff out, whether online or in person, and the other is about a greater level of commitment. Amy and others have come up with clever titles in this vein. I just wanted to chime in and say that differentiating in this way seemed very clear to me – easy to grasp.
Curious to see what you decide.
What I Want: To get some resolution on the matter of my divorce and the issues surrounding the bullying/blackmail from my soon-to-be-ex husband.
How This Could Happen: My lawyer could answer one of the many emails or phone messages that I have left for him, the ex’s lawyer could contact me, I could have enought space and time in my work day to contact an outside resource on child support issues.
My Commitment: To not get overwhelmed, to not agree to anything with the ex that will serve to screw me out of more of my rights than he already has in the past, and to try to not let him pressure and blackmail me into doing everything to HIS advantage. I commit to reaching out to getting help, and to remembering that I have the power in the situation given our legal agreement.
.-= Pam (@moonslark)´s last blog ..Exhaustion =-.
Wow. These ads are fabulous. FABULOUS!
And thanks, guys, for all the suggestions. I think I’ve got something that’s going to work … will announce it this week. You are all lovely!
@Amber – sending big love for your sweet 4-year-old. Wishing you and her absolutely everything you need to stay safe, healthy and happy and to know that you are supported and loved.
@Alicia – look at you!!! Saying a big NO to the soul-sucking. I applaud you, sweetie. You are so smart, so capable, so talented, so fun and so completely unapologetically YOU — I wish you all the help you need in remembering that.
@Batronyx – ooh, calendars! Interesting. Hadn’t thought of that. Thank you! Brilliant.
@Sonia – oh, I think your ad just got trapped in the spam filter. We don’t go through it nearly as often as we probably should. Sorry about that! I’m glad you asked and I’m glad stuff is moving for you.
@Amy – wow. 13 times! 13 times! That is incredible. I love it. Wow.
@Carol – you posted on your blog! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee. Yay!
And all of you — thank you for doing this with me. It’s such a pleasure reading everyone else’s experiences and thoughts, and knowing that I’m not alone in this process. Whew.
Last week I asked for a smooth from scratch installation of snow leopard on my computer. So far, so good. Still transferring files back. A misstep or two, but really fine. Not so concerned about preserving the old anymore. And thus far I’ve been able to figure it out on my own (well, with reading) which is awesome as far as I’m concerned even though it feels counter to the asking.
This week I’d like some motivation for a couple projects. Some clarity, some moving forward.
Not sure how that’ll come about or how the asking will factor in but I’ll be open to what comes up.
.-= claire´s last blog ..Two for two =-.
how bout calling the year long events degrees or diplomas; so at the end you could graduate with a diploma or a bachelor in…and to call the other events/programs courses or short term courses? that is how we make the distinction down under in australia…
Havi, I’m glad to see in your update/comment that you’ve found something that works for you! I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday, hoping to get a great idea, because I wanted to help, but also because I couldn’t wait to know more about your Big New Thing! I’m looking forward to learning more about it. 🙂
.-= Josiane´s last blog ..Practicing body poetry with Havi =-.
Hello! I am new to the blog. Hi, blog!
I have been asking the universe (or whatever we want to call it) for the ability to stay loose with new things and be light and breezy with it.
I just started a new business, so there are all kinds of intense and foreboding pressures I like to put on myself. These are unpleasant and unhelpful.
I am also asking, as of this moment, for courage to be completely my self at this moment with people I’ve known in the past. I find this very scary, but good-scary not yuck-scary.
That’s all 🙂
Thanks for creating a safe place for me to share,
XOX
.-= Laurie´s last blog ..Find Your REAL Strengths (finally! and – seriously!!!) =-.