Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
I have to give you a glorrrrrrious update!
Generally at the end of these, I like to peek at what I asked for the the week before to get a sense of how things are developing.
At the very least, I usually notice an interesting pattern or two, or I learn something about the hidden emotional content of my desires.
Quite often — and to my continued astonishment — I discover that I ended up getting some especially lovely aspect of the thing I wanted. Something that I did not expect (or even know existed!) when I was asking.
Last week is especially interesting because I did not ask directly about the thing I wanted.
What I wanted was a resolution for the Boring Existential Crisis that I’ve been in for the past four months, centered around [situation] with the Chocolaterie, but also impacting everything else in my life.
I didn’t think that was possible, so I asked for POPPING. And popping UP and things that POP. And then I made a quiet commitment to work on Operation B.E.C.K.O.N. — Boring Existential Crisis in the Key of N — at Rally B.
Well, things popped. Many, many things.
And one of the things that popped (in the sense of exploded) was my existential crisis, which ended up getting COMPLETELY RESOLVED while I was at Rally!
So I just want to pause, and take a breath of appreciation for that.
What do I want this week and moving forward…
I want to write.
I want to write stones.
I want to process and discover and reveal.
I want to write about Roxy. About Roxy, with Roxy, for Roxy. Roxy is Assertive Me. Roxy is a lot of things.
I want to interview Eve Wild, who is also Roxy. Roxy might even be Eve Wild’s middle name, if that makes sense. I’m not sure if it does.
I want to seed wishes that have to do with [habits] and [boundaries]: skin, flowers, ritual, hegedim — I can’t translate, but it is somewhere between aspirations and affirmations.
I want to find out why. I want to ask WHY about so many different things. And not an angry why. Not a why with an agenda. An open loving curious why. If there are two kinds of why, more like ten times why and less like wheel-grinding why.
And specifically, why I choose not to do things that are obviously good for me, and why I choose to do things that are obviously bad for me.
Again, not a critical why. Not a guilt-driven why. Just genuine curiosity: How come like this? What’s up with that. What do I know about this.
I want to write from the voice who knows how to ask with lots of love and zero expectations. Simple, present and adoring. Who is the me who knows how to do that?
I want to tell stories using the treasure box of tiny stones.
I want time for this writing. To make time for this writing. To remember that it is okay to drop everything and write, even though this is scary.
What will help?
Early to bed.
Something to block out the noise.
Packing lunch.
Cafe dates.
Wearing a costume.
And this week is Rally (Rally!). This is the first time in over three years of holding Rally that we’re doing two-in-a-row. I can’t wait to find out what that’s like. Given that the first week dissolved my crisis, I imagine that whatever is INCOMING is going to be pretty outrageous.
These are all things in the hard. What will help in the soft?
Planting it here. Wishing. Symbols. Secret agent code.
What else do I know about this?
Writer me is dancer me, and dancer me is writer me.
Being a follow is being present. Being a writer is being present.
This is the ultimate spy mission, isn’t it.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Let’s see.
Flow. Presence. Ease. Delight. Shelter. Access. Creativity. Wildness.
And the superpower of It Is Already Happening And All I Had To Do Was Notice.
What else do I want….
Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Progress on the ops!
- Miracles everywhere.
- Regular gigs at the ballroom, which is also the Spiegelsaal.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
- Past me is a GENIUS.
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
- There is money for this.
- I can see why this moment is good.
- Trust and steadiness.
- Hawaii.
This week’s ops?
This week is about finishing up the dossier of The life of a Chocolatier, possibly about MAGIC EIGHT BALL REASONS, and about borders/boundaries. Also about dancing.
I’m playing with…
Dancing. Costumes. Emergency calming techniques. That page is many years old and needs rewriting. Maybe that’s one of this week’s asks too!
Request!
Can you help support our magical Red Rose Ballroom by liking it on Facebook? And spreading the word about the Red Rose Ballroom to anyone you know who might want to run events or programs or parties in Portland?
Announcement!
Last chance to get on the STANDBY list for Rally (Rally!)
Only a few rallies have openings, and we will be announcing them soon….
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka popping up everywhere…
I wanted pop-up shops for the Ballroom, and we might do one with Mary. But mainly I learned that it doesn’t matter what happens in the ballroom. What matters is that I follow and don’t try to lead, and that I do things that make me feel joyful.
I wanted other forms of popping, and everything popped. Rally was full of POP and delight. Also we popped many, many bubbles together while giggling and tossing teddy bears at the ceiling. I talked to Hopeless Me. I found passion about things. It was a pretty great week. Hard. Full of hard. I ran into ALL MY STUFF, especially my stuff about Shame. But then that popped too.
Yay for things that pop.
Big love to me-of-last-week, as always, for knowing what to ask.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Follow
I want to write too. Wishes for all the things that are needed for the writing.
Last week I had a decision to make. I wanted to make it as if it mattered, and I also wanted to know that, whichever way things turned out, the full responsibility was not mine, because there were lots of us in this. I did Ignation Discernment, and that seemed to work rather well.
What I want this week:
– the move is DONE.
– that I do as well as I can at the thing I have tomorrow, and, whichever way it turns out, that the right thing will happen.
– that if Option B happens, I can be happy with it, and that other people can be happy with my being happy with it.
– to put all this messing around aside and get on with the writing.
Yay for glorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriousness!
An epiphany from this morning: I want a lotion warmer.
Specifically, I want to create a more pleasant space (both physically and mentally) for myself to get dressed / undressed and to care for my skin during the winter. Warming up the lotion might help with that.
WTCW: a lotion warmer proper. Or a baby food/bottle warmer. Or rigging something up with the space heater we already have. Or a solution I haven’t come across yet. (Advice/recommendations welcome.)
Another epiphany: if I want to stay in my house until I am too old to care for myself, a solution would be to build an addition (replacing the deck that will be need to be replaced within the next decade) that is ADA-compliant. Which is something I want anyway because our house is not yet welcoming to visitors with mobility problems in the first place. A ramp. A lift. Wide entrances. (And while I’m dreaming, a sunroom or conservatory with enough light and space and shelving for plants. And my sweetheart has been making noises about adding on a garage for years.
What else do I know? This is crazy ambitious (especially with the other repairs/improvements already on the list. Not to mention the sweetheart’s deferred dream of his own building for his shop.) But I can start saving toward it anyway. I can crunch numbers to figure out how to finance it without being pound foolish. I can mark off the part of the yard an addition would take up, which in turn answers which landscaping/gardening schemes would make the most sense for Slightly Future Me (and which ones need to be composted — e.g., not putting hollyhocks or rosebushes where I’m planning to put more house).
What else do I know: especially after the past month, staying out of hospitals and nursing homes and the like for as long as I can is more important than ever. Cultivating a comfortable home for convalescents and houseguests is more important than ever. I’ve been yearning to return to Charleston and Paris, and I’d like to spend time in Africa, and the list goes on — but this is higher on the list. This is a good epiphany to have.
What else do I want: simple solutions for the nearer future — sorting out transportation for the sweetheart. sorting out a seat or bench for our shower. getting work done and getting more work.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
Yay for popping! BIG BIG YAY.
Yay for writing! Me, too.
Oh, I can’t wait for Rally.
Popping. I think of when your ears finally pop. Relief! Or when your back pops back into place. Relief!
I want:
First off, yay for wanting! A brain that wants. Thank you properly functioning neurotransmitters that want things!
For the Curious Mee to stay a while. We can’t find the Hopeless Mee and think she is probably napping in the closet by the furnace which is good because it’s nice and warm in there. So, the Curious Mee unpacked some of her stuff (she has a kit filled with stuff like Sherlock Holmes would have.) Anyway, she’s having fun spotting all these things we’d been missing and we like being shown them so it is very nice. I guess that makes me like Watson.
And that other thing.
Progress On Last Week:
The Curious Mee was wonderful at acting as though everything was coming up roses. And then some roses did actually come up. Because we had a new shovel and some folks came over to help and low and behold we could see some roses under the dirt and knew where to water.
Pennies into the fountain for everyone’s visions!
Writing! Oh, yes.
I have a re-invention that wants to happen, an Incoming Me who wants to emerge. I want to play with her this week. Max’s fabulous teleclass this past Friday has given me some great tools; I can start there. (Thanks, Max!)
I am amazed at how well my last weeks’s Gwishes have shown up, without me really even trying or thinking much about them!
Things I want:
-To find more tiny, mini things, and squee at them and enjoy them
-To want to yoga enough to yoga (right now I just want to want to do yoga…)
-swing the pendulum towards Sovereignty
-more music
-a successful evaluation
-a fun, enjoyable-for-me Halloween with only the best candy
-reading for pleasure
I am amazed at how well my last weeks’s Gwishes have shown up, without me really even trying or thinking much about them!
Things I want:
-To find more tiny, mini things, and squee at them and enjoy them
-To want to yoga enough to yoga (right now I just want to want to do yoga…)
-swing the pendulum towards Sovereignty
-more music
-a successful evaluation
-a fun, enjoyable-for-me Halloween with only the best candy
-reading for pleasure
Rally C is this week, and I want again to Rally Along at home. The timing is so perfect because my Rally C project is Costumes, and this week is Halloween!
Tonight (Tuesday) before and after the TER with MrB, I can plan and set up my Rally-Along-At-Home Rally.
I have a lot of things I want to accomplish this week, and I think the Costume Project will fit with and support all of them, so yay!