It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
What worked this week?
Napping.
That was a big deal.
Tracking.
I have a period tracking app on my phone which one suspects was probably designed for people trying to move to Bolivia, though I use to know when not to schedule things.
It has a note-taking feature that I never bothered to look at, and this week I’ve been using this to note clues — a word I like better than “symptoms”. I sometimes also call these My Stomps, which is a hilarious anagram for that word I don’t like.
More useful intel than I was expecting.
Next time I might…
REMAIN INDOORS.
This phrase, in all caps, is a reference to the distressingly hilarious (and also, really, just distressing) Mitchell and Webb sketches featuring The Quiz Broadcast, a post-apocalyptic television game show where viewers are constantly reminded to REMAIN INDOORS!
Hello, good evening and REMAIN INDOORS! This is the Quiz Broadcast.
I had lots of reasons to REMAIN INDOORS this week, in many senses of that.
Literally indoors, because it was a billion degrees out and because of the giant street festival happening on the street where I work.
And remaining indoors in other ways, such as avoiding horrible places like facebook.
God, imagine The Event happening again…NO! DO NOT IMAGINE THE EVENT HAPPENING AGAIN. IT WILL CAUSE DISTRESS. THE EVENT IS IN THE PAST.
Basically everything on the internet right now should come with that kind of warning for me. Do not click! Do not read this! You will wheel-grind over this in your brain for days! Don’t go there! Remain indoors!
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Pulled a muscle in my back. My bodywork wizard is away and I have seven dance workshops this weekend. A breath for ease and releasing. And also for REMAIN INDOORS, because I think a lot of this tensing up has to do with other tension-inducing situations.
- Some vital home repairs need to be made and the estimates we got were alarming. A breath for perfect simple solutions..
- Attention span was non-existent this week. Trouble focusing. A breath for presence.
- So much pain in the world. A breath for May Peacefulness Prevail, and for turning inward so that I can add contribute more peacefulness.
- Making big changes. A breath for all the dust that gets kicked up when that happens.
- Did not have fun at the Wednesday dance, the thing I look forward to all week. A breath for things being the way they are, and for finding the treasure.
- Frustrating things happening with the chocolate shop. A breath for trust.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Operation White Out was one of the most fun things I’ve done in forever. The noir gunslinger was in town and we were dressed elegantly in all white and shared the most glamorous picnic of all time, followed by cocktails at my favorite bar that I never go to. We colored with tiny colored pencils. We had a Grand Adventure with many, many good surprises. White. Out. So good. A breath for shaking things up.
- I came to a clean, clear, beautiful decision or understanding related to my relationship with dance, and then I acted on it, and this was marvelous. A breath for being through the tumultuous identity-crisis period and finally knowing what I want and how to get there.
- Operation 33, which has been on hold for the past two months, is finally in motion, and with it a bunch of other missions. A breath for forward movement, and for excitement.
- Even though I didn’t enjoy myself at the dance, I was able to implement several of the things I’m working on and practice good technique. Even better, I was able to find the good. A breath for being really clear about what I want and need.
- Dance! Seven workshops this weekend and then the Galactic Swingtacular, plus I signed up for a series of tango workshops in October. We’re doing this. A breath for joyfully committing to life and aliveness.
- Sent out the latest YEARbook, am finishing up the next one, wrote many, many beautiful words for the Internalship. For a week in which I wasn’t able to focus, an astonishing amount of getting things done. A breath for remembering this.
- I am finding the treasure, even when it’s hard, and even when the hard things are the treasure. I am finding it. A breath for being able to treasure things.
- Appreciation and thankfulness. I have the most wonderful housemate in the world. I have a Wonderfully Tranquil home. I found a dance teacher I connect with. Incoming me is wise and hilarious and gives me good counsel. Red lipstick. Lovely surprises. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. So many things are good. A breath for deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
The Secret Dinner was a smashing success. Operation White Out was the best op ever. Operation Kaleidoscope Compass is complete. Wham Boom.
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of finding the good. This is actually the superpower I asked for last week, and it kicked in hard around Thursday.
Superpowers I want.
The power of trusting rest.
Salve. The Salve of Tiny Thank Yous.
This salve works in two equally wonderful ways.
As it softens into your skin, you are able to receive all the thank-yous that exist for you. Any time someone has thought of you with appreciation, adoration, gratitude and love, those qualities come streaming into your space in the most pure, safe, just-right-for-you, easy-to-receive form ever.
And at the same time this is happening, you also fill up on your own thank-you heart. Accessing gratitude and appreciation is suddenly easy and comfortable. The default, not something to forget and remember.
This salve multiplies all the thank-yous in your life, with so much grace and ease that you can’t help smiling.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This band is called Hot For Logistics, they are a steampunk rockabilly sextet though I’m not even sure how that works because actually it’s just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
There are TWO SPOTS left in my writing retreat that is not a writing retreat. It’s a Righting retreat.
You don’t have to think you’re a writer, you don’t have to write, nothing is required other than that you want quiet time to be deeply creative, wildly inspired, and take some mostly self-guided time for internal exploration or whatever appeals to you.
Come read the page because 1) I swear a lot, 2) I make a pun that is also truth, 3) there is a cloud that makes me smile, 4) I can’t be the only person who longs for this, 5) I just made a thing and would love company, 6) TWO SPOTS LEFT.
—-> https://fluentself.com//righting/ —-> PASSWORD: oneword
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Follow
The band makes me so happy! *boogies along*
What worked this week? picking the paper that felt best.
Next time? I might inspect the tomatoes more closely and thoroughly. (Fruit flies, GAH.)
Some things that were hard:
* Forgetting to bring the eggs home. Objectively not a big deal — a mere $1.25 plus tax — and, moreover, understandable. (Had gotten tangled up in a dispute re a badly worded coupon.) But boy, did it trip the old “you are not allowed to screw up ever” wiring, and getting myself past the neon-lit berate-a-thon – OY.
* I’d hoped to be much further along on Project D by now.
* My hand is not back to 100% yet.
* I cannot with the world. I just read about death threats made to women trying to prevent honor killings and … *hides face in hands*
Some things that were good:
* My hand is better.
* I was able to take the bus when I hadn’t had enough sleep.
* My honorary mama fed me blueberry pie, and my honorary big sister will be in town tomorrow.
* I successfully tangled-tangoed with an iguana from 2010. Vamos!
With warm wishes and thanks to all y’all.
Friday, you’re early! You say you’re not? Well, then, I just don’t know.
Hard stuff:
–Speeding ticket. Crap.
–Unexpected writing assignment which pertains to a wonderful work opportunity. This is good, and at the same time, I find that I am struggling with my stuff and impatient with myself as I work on getting it written.
–Money, ugh, I can’t even.
–Getting caught up in tense interactions on Facebook. Maybe I should have stayed indoors, too.
Good stuff:
–My daughter and I had a great time traveling together.
–Wonderful music therapy clients.
–YEARbook arrived at the perfect time to help me with this writing project. I am so grateful for this!
–I made a decision to change a longstanding habit, and received a great clue about how to do it, and so far, so good! This is huge.
I now invoke the superpower of Peaceful Ease. <3
My first comment! I have disenlurked, hurrah!
What worked:
– Stretching time and
– Playfulness & basking in delight
– Knowing all will be well
Not so good:
– I picked up the spiky rock again. WHY? It’s so hard to let go of when I do, and so unpleasant. Put it down, walk away.
– Time streeetched at the start of the week, like an elastic band, and then snapped back and hit me in the ass on Friday. I suspect the key is running out of juice. More rest. More naps. More saying no.
– The nagging “you’re not good enough” and “they don’t like you” monster struck again. Aw c’mon, monster. Who cares what anyone else thinks? I like you. We can keep each other company.
– My favourite shoes are gone for good. Sigh. Farewell, shoes. We had some good times.
Superpower this week of Good Choices and Free As A Bird please… and bonus Extra Smooth Cross-continental Moves, feat. No Flat Tyres and Speedy Web Connection.
Hi! And ohmygod yes the spiky rock. Well, mine might be a different rock. However: spiky rock resonance!
What a weird week.
The Hard:
The tick bite turned to a bulls-eye which meant that for 5 days I was nauseous (until I figured out how to better time the antibiotic dose) which to me is the worst feeling in the entire world and all I could do was lie in bed clutching a box of oyster crackers.
Printed out my book (so far) and it is a mess (of course) that looks like it was written by 5 different people, none of whom have begun to tell anything interesting.
The Good:
When you feel better finally, there is no better feeling. I finally popped back up – cleaned, hooped, wrote, read, delighted!
Lots of writing. 71 pages of it! And continuing to write even though Radio KFKD is playing quietly in the background.
A rainy weekend and a pile of books.
Looked at new office space that is so much more perfect than the last office space.
Addendum to the Good: trashed the entire book, took a few characters with me and started a new one. Whole outline flowed out, character sketches and scenes came together and I feel a million times better.
Hooray for New Book that feels a million times better! -o-
Two things: SO excited for Righting Retreat. And I loved the YEARbook. Thank you! BIG thank you 🙂
What worked this week: the new way of planning
What I might try next week: keeping the planner open
This week’s good:
+ Colorful markers make everything more fun
+ The Iron Fog project is going to be done the way I wanted them to do it after all, but it will be late because they tried the other way first.
+ The Peg Lilies people
+ Family connections. I had a dream about that.
+I did something that my sister C said that no one, but no one, has ever gotten away with.
+ Rain-And-Shine; it was beautiful and it made porch time happen.
+ MOOCs
+ Reading! Books! Internet! Magazines!
+ C is motivated to finally get her passport.
+ BB just called about the Cosmic Hug — it is happening!
This week’s sucks, challenges, mysteries
– Being told by implication that I “need to learn to” do something but no information about how.
– I did something that seemed important and necessary and now people have questions and doubts about what I did and why.
– I got dinged for showing up late, even though I warned everyone in advance that it might happen and they said it was okay.
– Weird muscle things
I haven’t looked at the new YEARbook yet, I’m saving it for when the tufted frog is off the floor. It’s lovely to have that to look forward to.
Superpower I had this week: letting things happen instead of pushing to make things [that I prefer] happen.
Superpower I want next week: swiftly accommodating changes of plans, and plan B is even better than plan A.
Cluck cluck
Obstacles –
– Not wanting to introspect this week: not wanting to chicken, not wanting to do the exercises in the Artist’s Way. Possibly scared of discovering that I haven’t come on (whatever that means) nearly as far as I think I have.
– I still don’t know how to money.
– Tiredness.
Goodnesses –
– having the day off for the piano tuner, and then the piano tuner arriving early and only taking an hour over it, leaving me with the rest of the day to myself.
– happy wandering around the art shop.
– the plan to save my wonderful green dress is working a treat.
Superpower – logistics-bending returns!
Next time –
– nail varnish
– a nap
– things get on with themselves while I go to sleep
The Good: The Weirdest Day of my Life, So Far was Thursday, and it has pretty much overshadowed anything else that happened since I Chickened last.
What worked:
Celebrating the next step in the Door Closure with raspberry yogurt with hot fudge topping. (Unrelated to Weirdest Day.)
Taking it back to where it was Born
Having a book while waiting
Not fabricating Fretwork while waiting
Tranquility – Not So Much, but Now is So Not Then!
Recognizing the Anxiety
Stating that I was Hungry
Lobster Bisque (not a metaphor)
Letting Go because Fixing it would cost too much
Feeling the Grief a little
Zoom plus Whoosh! All Timing is Right Timing!!
Recognizing the Rightness of the Brand New
William, Reco (pronounced Rico) and CK
The Dude’s Good Question and His Backing My Play Totally
Absence of Monsters Who Bring Up Second Thoughts, even when Others offer Loving Advice
We have what we Want, and it is Motivating The Dude, as well as making him happy
The mysterious and hard stuff : Finished the book in a lonely room. A lot of time with nothing to do.
What I might try in the future?
Look at Thursday’s Past Me in awe. Remembering how I took care of myself – getting food, offloading. I Dealt! I Handled it! But, be sure to have a book.
Doing the next step to close the ProfOrg “Treasurer $” door a little further.
Trusting that I have time to WHAM Boom the Capers and do the Homework for Rally X.
I am closing the door. I am choosing or creating and opening the new door or doors.
Holy Flying Friday Chickens!
PS -Thank you for the salve. It will help me when I retake Remedial Gratitude.
satueday chicken, cluck cluck.
i cnt even with this week:
-my grama died, i had to fly to Miami, it was 5 million degrees.
-i got home and was so tired, but went to work and perfomede poorly, i couldnt take my preferred etra day to recover
-migraines migraines migraines
– could not stick with practice, or best practices. my sobriety was swalowed in grief
-omg the fucking news i can’t even with the people and the opinions and the violent violence.
-yeah, this week was fucking awful in so many ways
but:
-i’ve been doing enough practice that i was held up during this time, i was able to keep going, and be presnt with my family
-i was so fucking happy to come home
-i have been so present with gratitude, i feel the blessings of my life so strongly
-so much wooo,so much presence, so many signs and sendings
-Lughnasadh
-the beauties of summer
-wizard schhool
-another weekend to just relax
-filling the well
-o-
The Salve brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.
the hard:
-scheduling–sleep, work, exercise, social life. hard to fit in all of it. schedule tetris is not my most favorite game ever.
-body stuff (neck-shoulders so tense; nose not the best) — working on this
-being OK alone
-food stuff-sometimes cooking is not so fun; how to make sure I eat ok?
the good:
-learning what works for me in scheduling (trial and error; I think I got past the error? finally?)
-money stuff–working out budget
-work stuff–i like my job
going to try to breathe thank you today.
Cluck cluck
Hardstuffs…
* Vulnerable, tender waiting, trusting all outcomes are good, saying thank you to every twist and turn on the path.
* I feel my desire very much when there is a possibility it may be coming to pass. Oh, *such* a beautiful butterfly wish….
* Embarrashment over that thing I did when I was trying to cement the butterfly into place. Butterfly survived, but I don’t enjoy the awkward.
* Old stories that seem compellingly true. Opting to Not Believe them.
* I record my anxiety in my muscles. Neck and shoulder soreness like crazy two days this week.
* The wake of what went before.
* Getting my thoughts clear on a tangled, emotional subject that everyone seems to have an opinion on and seems to me is mostly MISSING THE POINT. Now that I’m clear on my position, my power and my part I can get on with my life without needing to anesthetise or avoid the issue which is kind of in my face (REMAIN INDOORS!!!) at the moment. Wow, energy intensive exercise though.
* Letting myself off the hook for a set of activities it seems after much striving I am simply never going to enjoy or be good at. My current, basic, shambolic performance will have to do for now. I’m done trying to do it better. It is not my genius or my therapy, and striving to mold myself into the kind of person who can do it well and with equanimity has borne little fruit after much labour. So that’s that. Permission to be Not Very Good at it and choosing to deal with the consequences of that until such time I can organise things so that someone else can do it for whom it IS their genius or their therapy. Which will take who knows how long. But done. I am done striving for that. And there are consequences for that. And that’s the choice I’m making. 🙁
Goodshtuffs….
* I find myself doing not too badly on trusting the twists and turns, on holding onto the possibility of what I desire coming to pass, on staying in the tender waiting space. #progress
* My heart, my heart, my beautiful, wanting heart. I see you, if no one else does.
* Butterfly survived the cement. So, there is hope still.
* There is a part of me that believes that what I want is inevitible, and is waiting without anxiety, despite the rest of me being in a bit of a tizz.
* Good massage makes *such* a difference.
* Magick Happens in the wake. Brain orgasms ensue.
* I know where I stand, I am clear on what I can do, on my truth. I can be a still, compassionate, open point in the storm, being a bell of peace and love and hope and non-separation in the world.
* I am off the goddamn hook. Done! I will cop the consequences. Bring it.
Glowing love, love, love.
xxxxxxx