It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday.}
What worked this week?
Permission to rest without needing to know why.
This week involved a lot of recovery time.
Usually this only happens with a fight. This time it just happened, and I enjoyed it.
Next time I might…
Wait for my yes.
This is related to this week’s wish about the yes of yes and the no of no.
When I was true to my yes this week, things were magical.
When I did things out of curiosity (“hey, everyone’s going to this pig roast, so what the hell why not try it”) even though I didn’t have a yes, it got less fun.
Except those moments also brought me to my real yes, so all was — and is — good.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- So very tired. I want to be back at the Vicarage napping and walking by the water. A breath for rest.
- I spent four days being around people! What? I know. So now I have to hide. A breath for This Is How I Am.
- An important fix-it-ey thing is happening at my house, and it means it is too noisy to be home. A breath for patience and for safe spaces.
- Despite my astounding amount of Future Confidence in dance (I plan to excel at this so LOOK OUT, WORLD!), in the moment there are still all these bits my body isn’t able to integrate. Sometimes I get very impatient with this. A breath for trusting the training montage sequence.
- I said this last week and it’s still true: frustration and resentment about all the ways I don’t take care of myself. A breath for patience, healing, remembering that I am doing the best I can.
- Intense moments of panic about a thing that is actually really good. Sometimes there is nothing scarier than knowing what you want and getting it. A breath for recognizing that the growing pains are the sign of growth.
- If a week waiting for Wednesday felt like two weeks, what is two weeks of waiting for Wednesday going to feel like? We’re talking previously undocumented levels of excruciating tantalizing anticipation right now, not even sure what this is going to be like. A breath for the big unknown.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- It was really hard for me to come up with a list of hard this week. This has been a spectacularly pleasurable week, with Disney magical animated landscape levels of sparkle. A breath for pleasure, hello.
- Everything about my Seattle trip was amazing. Wonderful people took care of me and made all the arrangements to ensure I had delicious food and a ride to all the dances. The Swing Science workshops were terrific, the dancing was even better. The Sunday night fusion dance was so great I kind of want move to Seattle, but only on Sundays. A breath for a grand adventure.
- Finished editing the latest YEARbook and it is done! The Book of Bridges & Crowns: A Wild Becoming. I think it’s my favorite thing that I’ve ever written. A breath for happiness.
- Anticipation is my favorite drug, and this week was a long, slow, tantalizing tease of waiting. A breath for play, pleasure, vitality, aliveness, delight in life!
- Worth Waiting For. Not just the slogan for Guinness. A breath for things that are worth waiting for (and waiting some more).
- “We should probably stop dancing or we might never stop dancing.” A breath for magic.
- Sweetness. A breath for sweetness.
- Thankfulness. New gigs for the ballroom, including a weekly dance that I can’t wait to attend. Wise counsel from Incoming me. Red lipstick. Lovely surprises. So many things are delicious. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. A breath for deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
Sent out the book of Bridges and Crowns! Next Sip Hint Learn book is happening. Operation 33 is going great. And I planned all of my events for next year so STAY TUNED because good stuff is going to be happening. Wham Boom.
Revisiting some wise words from past-me that are still important.
If I had to take down all the 1,323 blog posts I’ve written and leave just one, it would be this one about this is where I live.
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of every song is somehow exactly fitting for this moment.
It was like life just chose the soundtrack for everything this week. Pretty sweet.
Superpowers I want.
More of the Boldly Glowing superpower please. And I could really use some extra Now Is Not Then, because there are some small parts of me whispering about how that thing that happened that one time could be happening now. It isn’t.
Superpower of Love More Trust More Play More Dance More, come in!
And I will add to that the power of Calm Steady Alertness along with the power of I Take Exquisite Care Of Myself Now. That should bring some ease to the fear that if I let myself love more and trust more, it will hurt.
The Salve of I Take Exquisite Care Of Myself Now.
The wonderful thing about this salve is that using it is taking exquisite care of yourself, so you get to feel its wisdom when you reach for it.
As this salve absorbs into your skin, you suddenly want to treasure yourself all the time. You touch the back of your hand like it’s the most beautiful, fascinating thing you have ever seen. You take a slightly fuller breath and notice that oxygen is kind of delicious, kind of a miracle. You smile at yourself in the mirror because smiling just feels good.
You begin to feel which words feed you and which are unnecessary or untrue. You begin to feel which foods taste like love and which do not, and when. You begin to welcome sensations that are pleasurable into your life.
This salve leads to many, many good things, including but not limited to: cat naps, saying no gracefully to things that are unappealing and optional, bringing new friends into your life who treasure you and everything about you.
It took me a while to get used to this one, and how it tingles. I’m glad I gave it a chance.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band comes via Noelle, and it’s called Laser Bees, they play cello elevator music (cellevator!) that is mostly covers of Frank Zappa songs, and of course it’s just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
While I was in my deep panic this week, I used the thing I always use: the Emergency Help Me Calm The Hell Down Right Away techniques.
So I want to seed a reminder that this is a thing, and it helps, a lot. Not just with calming down in the moment but with building the kind of habits that allow you to change your relationship with the scary things.
I hardly ever recommend these because I need to rewrite the page, it’s several years old. But copywriting aside, this is one of the best things I have ever made, by a lot. I have two shoeboxes full of thank you notes from lovely people, and honestly most of them are for this.
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
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Oh my #6 “Intense moments of panic about a thing that is actually really good. Sometimes there is nothing scarier than knowing what you want and getting it. A breath for recognizing that the growing pains are the sign of growth.”
YES. This is where I am. I have worked for over a decade to get here. And now that I am here, it is scary and wonderful and fantastic and scary all at the same time. Thank you for the reminder that growing pain are called “pains” for a reason! With little tots in the middle of growing pains, they need extra hugs because it physically hurts, they need more food and they need more rest. Translating this to myself and articulating my needs. Yes, I need hugs, I need more rest and I need better, whole foods. I will think about how I can get those needs fulfilled.
I want to send anyone else out there on the interwebs love and hugs if you are going thru growing pains too. it is okay that we feel scared even when we know we are right where we want to be and it is also wonderful. Thanks Havi and thanks to the whole pirate crew this Friday. fabulous.
Chickening from my home, where I just took a nap within earshot of my dog and my man. Sheer *and* multi-layered happiness!
What worked this week? Using the slow-cooker. Letting a walk to the bakery raise answers for me.
Next time? Maybe I’ll build the cucumber fence during the winter. Maybe I’ll check Craigslist for tomato hoops. Maybe I’ll clear away weeds before hunting for materials — which is more in alignment with what I feel like doing anyway, as opposed to hunt-now-for-fear-of-missing-out monster holleramas.
Hard:
* gut and head not agreeing about a situation
* triggered to tears by someone “just teasing”
* dog getting bitey when I try to groom her
* wondering if a gift actually reached its recipient
* this internet-reliable-only-in-the-kitchen is a drag
Good:
* Past Me did so many things to make this week easier: saving the old battery, freezing the beans and onions and raspberries…
* slipping my feet into good socks
* hearing from beloveds
* progress on multiple projects
* unexpectedly treated to meals both in Dallas and Nashville
[signals the server for a round of honey-inspired cocktails, as we hang out with the band…]
warm wishes to all y’all.
I am smiling and waving! I am also, of course, deeply delighted by and grateful for this week’s salve.
Hard stuff:
–I pursued an opportunity, and it didn’t work out. Now I am dealing with monster stories of rejection and unworthiness.
–Car troubles.
–Money worries.
–Getting snapped at.
Good stuff:
–Wonderful music therapy sessions with wonderful clients.
–A fresh infusion of clarity: if what I want is X, why am I moving towards Y? I want to move towards X!
–Continuing to teach and model compassionate communication with my daughter, and seeing it beautifully reflected.
–Singing! Singing with a fabulous choral ensemble! Oh, it is good to have this again.
–Lots of support, and very good luck at all the best times.
–The new YEARbook is just — wow. It’s powerful medicine, that’s what it is, and I mean that in a shamanic sense. There’s a lot to absorb, and it feels amazing.
I now invoke the superpower of Singing and Sparkling! <3
Cluck!
what worked this week: Best practices, especially Bedtime. working the Ops, all the clues are there because that’s where the clews are landing and where the level-ups are happening.
the sucks:
-despite an awesome weekend last week, this week felt just as long
-so much to do at work, dropping balls. suck
-stuff happnened last weekend that was really sucky
-my youngest kid’s constant tantrums and crying fits.
-coming home from work, getting high and fucking around on facebook too long. i need a name for this because it needs to stop now kthxbai
-my toy broke
-the Occultist, he’s here, he’s there. where am i? a breath for integrity and deep knowing
-getting relly grossed out by the friendly dogs this week, and wanting something better
-which is related to no movement on the Orange Blossom project
-still not getting enough done
-hot flashes. man do they suck
-not loving my looks, my hair, my weight, wanting more beauty
-my credit card is nearly maxed ust at the moment when i need to pay for pcon and RJ Stewart. many breaths for timing
but so much good:
-actually churning thru work pretty well, i just need to cathc up with some things
-white Flowers! hitting my goal
-leveling up in many ways, not least is in my workout
-using the “10 minute” technique to get writing done. i can do this
-setting up kicking off the OGP project, and for celebrating the blessed virgin on sunday
-when you feel like you’re walking n eggshells, start stomping
– solid progress on many ops, including Operation Levanah, Yellow Daisies
-my writing partner and i are masterminding some well-tending and its working very well. this is a very virgo op and has already helped a lot of benefit appear for us.
Hard things:
– Painters here at the house. They were in my space at all (1 hard), there was a color snafu (2 hards), there was a money snafu (5 hards), they trampled my plants! (57 hards)
– Reaching that glitchy place where my boundaries flicker and disappear, so that I just watch them trample my plants, crying and raging only inwardly. Because this is where I’m at right now. Someday I won’t be here.
– My magic feather came back. And I know how to fly without my feather but I don’t know how to fly with my feather without relying on my feather. So there was some turbulence.
– Changing The Purple House from a dull grey to an incredibly alive oh-my-god-this-color-is-such-a-color is a big change. (The color is technically orange, but it’s not a vibrant orange. It’s a vibrant color, which happens to be orange, technically. It’s blowing people’s minds.) The house is waking up, and while that’s also very good, there’s just a lot going on, under the surface.
– The baby stopped napping! Except she still does nap, but in this desperate overtired way at six at night and then she’s cranky all night and stays up until midnight and I just can’t.
– That thing where you try for six days to get a haircut without it happening, for ever more ridiculous and unlikely reasons.
The Good:
– The painters are gone; the house is alive and awake. Tomorrow morning I don’t have to see them.
– Flirting. I like it.
– I changed a thing in the chicken coop that fixed everything and now they’re so much happier and we get more eggs!
– So much X-ing, and good data on X differs from Y.
– Also this same thing for several other values of X and Y. Fractal flower equations FTW.
– I scored a lot of great free stuff on Craigslist.
– Having enough. It’s spectacular.
– Deactivating my Facebook account was the best thing I’ve done in a long, long time.
– I’ve been trying to deliberately install some aspects of a new baseline: things like reaching out to other people and doing my alignment exercises every day. Not only have these new patterns taken root, but A whole bunch of even better patterns have entered on their coat tails. Things I thought it’d take me years to start on, like doing dishes as soon as they’re dirty. They’re just happening with almost no effort.
Cluck cluck, chickeneers!
Cluck cluck!
The hard:
– still not as far over this cold as I would like to be, and getting really tired
– it’s a long way to Exeter
– having to run to other people’s timetables, which I know won’t be good for me
– coping with people who don’t have timetables at all
– having to share and not being very good at it
– reading te comments in places I know it’s not safe to read the
comments
Cluck cluck!
Doing this backwards, because I’m chickening on my phone and the keyboard’s being weird.
What worked:
– turning off the data network
– talking to the monsters
The good:
– going to a wedding!
– progress towards Another New Opportunity. I will audition for this Splash Choir and even if I don’t get in I’ll be readier for next time
– coming out and it being fine
– remembering to take a day off
– many happy place names coming up in La Vuelta
– the angels
– my best friend came to stay
– people who play my piano
The hard:
– still not as far over this cold as I would like to be, and getting really tired
– it’s a long way to Exeter
– having to run to other people’s timetables, which I know won’t be good for me
– coping with people who don’t have timetables at all
– having to share and not being very good at it
– reading te comments in places I know it’s not safe to read the
comments
Cluck cluck!
Happy Saturday Chickeneers!
What worked this week?
Working.
Gymming.
Starting the morning with reading.
TV only at the gym.
The Hard:
Money blergs.
Back to no friends. Which is better than the wrong friends. But still.
Feeling like I spend all my time keeping house.
The Good:
Everything about my move is cheaper than first thought.
I found a kirtan meet up.
Went to change the light bulbs in the bathroom (which is the relationship corner in feng shui). They were jammed in and broke off and I had to use pliers and one of them shattered but now there are lovely (and brighter!) lights. Maybe this is a sign?
Books that reach inside me and twist my heart and leave me undone. And then writing thank you notes to the authors. Who answer them!
Cooler weather is coming.
This is a super-compressed-space-time-continuum two-week Chicken, but it still feels like one big week. So:
Challenges and Joys, all mixed up:
• My business turned ten years old. Since I still feel like I’m in 4th grade in many ways, ten feels like the right age.
• Fears around throwing a party and nobody showing up. Well, my monsters showed up…but so did a bunch of other people! Deep breaths for all the layers of this, both good and hard.
• The Nebula Witches have left the building! It’s a late departure, but it doesn’t matter. I am watching them go, their black-scrap capes waving fiercely, perched gracefully on their pine branches, and my heart is full of pride.
• The Tailor and I thought we were going to buy a particular house, one that we loved. After a textbook example of the kind of interaction I studiously avoid, I realized it wasn’t to be. So much sadness and the frustration of 8 months of searching compressed into a single moment.
• Then, a matter of hours later, we found the house we were *actually* supposed to find, and just over 24 hours later, it was ours. On paper, signed, a done deal. As the Tailor said, if the first house was a 9 on our personal scale, the one we bought is a 23.
• All I could think of was your Hoppy House, Havi, and how you found it by asking for it. We found our house because we asked. We asked for such specific things that SO many people literally laughed out loud at us when they heard them. Yet every single thing we asked for, and many more things we didn’t dare speak beyond a secret heart-whisper, is what we got. My heart is so utterly full, stunned by serendipity.
• Now I’m in a whirlwind of deadlines and paperwork and stress and no-time monsters and endings and beginnings and reschedulings and binding commitments and…just…everything. A few perceived thrown shoes, too. The real world is trumping my inner world with every hand.
• Yet I feel like I can float through it all, buoyed up by this effervescent knowledge that I asked, and I received what I asked for.
Superpower? The superpower of It Doesn’t Hurt to Ask, of course!
Thank you, Havi, for the Art of the Ask. For Nothing is Wrong. For all the things that helped me see my path…and take it.
Love and clucks to all my fellow Chickeneers!
Hi Havi,
I actually took time for each of “Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.” It felt good, reassuring and delight-filled.
It seems like the realest the life gets the more each song fits the moment, which happens also with numbers, and people, and blogs.
Peace and shalom.
Cluck cluck
Hello cheeps.
Hard things….
* Hope. Hoping is hard because it comes along with naming desires and hand in hand with the possibility of disappointment. And that is a very tender and vulnerable place to be. I have so many strategies in place to avoid hoping, to avoid *feeling* my desire (which lives in my body) in favour of *deciding* ‘what I want’, which I can do with my head and can be much more sensible about. So many strategies to avoid the possibility of being DISAPPOINTED which my poor, darling, infant fuzzball monsters seem to believe is preferable only next to ?death? and maybe for some of them even that choice is a big call to make.
* low-grade depression which is one of my best strategies to avoid hoping. Just don’t hope! Just focus on all the reasons we can’t, that it’s not possible, how pointless it all is, how there is no graduating therefore no point, how the laundry just needs to be washed again tomorrow, how tired we are, how bored we are, how trapped we are, how nobody appreciates us, how lonesome we are, how stupid the world is, how we are fundamentally faulty and unfit for this society, on and on may as well go and eat worms.
* I truly *am* pretty spent in the body, running on fumes, which makes being deliberate about the kinds of nourishment I consume, from food to activities to thoughts, much tougher.
* It has been nine years since I left the last path I ran on that felt clear. That’s nine years of, like, trekking on overgrown, uncleared jungle track. An amazing journey in many ways. Rare and exquisite orchids and butterflies all over the place. Personal growth like nobody’s. Aaaaand, I’m kind of ready for a rest-stop. Juuuuuuust a little bit.
* All this yin time. All those yang things that need tending to as well. Trusting that all timing is right timing is fine, but my internal people-pleasers are distressed at the possibility of being perceived as overdue.
* Germs. Go away and colonise some lifeforms other than me and my kids please??
* Wanting. And waiting. Exquisite or excruciating? Well, both. Oooof!!
Some good things….
* cherry blossoms, magnolias and daffodils. Oh yes, please, sunshine, yes. I think I said this last time. I am craving spring. Very much.
* beloved community
* shakti and sexy mmmmmmmmmmm
* magick. I can haz it. Letters from Hogwarts and all. Platform 9 3/4, oh, right, I see you now.
* speaking of…. Beginnings. (Well, they’re continuings of course, but they *feel* like beginnings!)
* Project L, and getting more competent. Also seeing how even the routine parts of Project L (which normally = me running lalalalapancakes away) will actually be perpetually new and enlivening. Oh! Oh!! Huh…. Ummm, well, okay! Yay!
* When I stop fighting what is in front of me, it flows so much more easily. (Duuhh). A couple of occasions I was able to do this with grace this week.
* So many things are good.
Love to all,
Claire xxoo
Sunday chicken, yum
The hard
-Lots of panic and anxiety. Having to problem solve other things while I dealt with that. Being with people I love while I dealt with that. Not wanting to lash out at them but kinda doing it anyway out of habit. Feeling old patterns of being a burden and isolating myself.
-Someone who I cared about once but was not good to me wanted (has been wanting for a while?) back into my life. Feeling frustrated that they ever thought that was an option. Frustrated they have been drawing this out for so long. Lots of residual anger from then. Still learning about my patterns from being hurt.
-Health stuff, allergies, asthma, that time of the month, all at once? A breath for remembering my body isn’t actively working against me and it’s just as miserable as I am.
The good
-Ohmygosh ohmygosh I made a breakthrough in my Big VPA of financial stability. Still in the montage right now but I feel a huge weight lifted off of me. A breath for keeping this momentum going. A breath for moving forward even when things get really hard.
-Sent a strongly worded email to Person From Then. I wasn’t mean, I said things I’ve been wanting to say, I did it on my own terms, I told them stop the contact, and they did. A breath for finally putting my foot down. A breath for releasing bad feelings.
-Planting more seeds for my future! My significant other scoffs a little at the “put it out to the universe” thing but I’m always glad when I do. More doors are opening. I don’t want solid plans now, I’m just sticking my feelers out there and sensing the wonderful possibilities.
-Slowly slowly tiny tiny emerging. Remembering I’m more capable than I think. Enjoying the montage.
I hope everyone had a good, yes of yes weekend. What a beautiful feeling.
“You take a slightly fuller breath and realize oxygen is kind of delicious, kind of a miracle.” Ahh, so very much so! I guess I used an abundance of breaths in this chicken when I don’t usually. It is a good feeling to breathe! A breath for asthma giving me the opportunity to understand just how good a really deep, full lungful of air tastes. Even just breathing is a beautiful way to take care of myself. Thanks for writing that so beautifully, Havi.
So peacefully happy to think about you planning events for next year. I REALLY like having things to look forward to 🙂
In particular around April next year, just sayin….