It is Friday and we are here.

{a breath for Friday.}

What worked this week?

Stating my preferences.

Quietly and clearly.

I prefer X.

Like that.

So much easier than I think it will be. I can get so tangled up in fear over this, and then it is always fine. This is good practice for me.

Next time I might…

State my preferences sooner.

That will help.

Also there’s something about letting it be messy, sloppy. So many times I wait until I have the “right words”, and then I wait way longer than is comfortable.

I want to try speaking my truth even if I don’t do it elegantly.

And I want to use play.

This week the Noir Gunslinger said something to me that I know was hard for him to say, and he did this inside of our shared world and shared metaphors, in a way that was so playful and so sweet. It was so easy for me to receive, and to be genuinely happy with his news. He modeled for me that it is possible to say something that you fear saying, and to still be playful.

That was an inspiring moment for me. I would like some do-overs!

Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

1. Watched myself saying yes when I meant no. So many times. Ridiculous. Also putting up with sexist bullshit. A breath for noticing, trusting and releasing.
2. Big trigger moments Saturday night, in the middle of the dance. It was rough. And Saturday night lasted until 7am, because I forgot how to end it. A breath for trust, again.
3. All I want to be doing is dancing and writing, except there are a million things in my life that are not dancing and writing. A breath for this.
4. Related to the above, I am kind of in an internal tangle of an almost temper tantrum about this. Like, what am I doing with my life when I am not be doing this or at least learning it? And how unfair is it that I can’t do zouk and kizomba in Portland? I don’t want to move to Seattle! I don’t want to move to LA! But I don’t want to be not doing those dances either. So something has to change. A breath for trust and more trust.
5. Three very long months without the person I was missing. Okay, days. But it felt like months. A breath for trusting, and for saying yes to the magic of anticipation.
6. All the monsters this week about how I am not getting anything done, and how it is all happening too slowly, and doom doom doom. A breath for trusting the creative process, and the unfolding that is right. Oh, and sort of related to this: SO MUCH MOODINESS. Probably hormonal moodiness because I was three seconds away from tears for a lot of this week. Not only would I get all emotional at the drop of a hat, it would happen just at the thought of a hat possibly dropping in theory. So another breath, this one for sweetness.
7. I repeat this one from last week, because it is so very apt: Trust. That’s the big thing, isn’t it. Sometimes it is so deliciously easy, so astonishingly simple. And sometimes this is where I collapse. A breath for remembering truth.
8. Inhale, exhale. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.

1. Amazing dances at Bridgetown Swing, with some of my favorite people to dance with. Finally able to feel the progress instead of just analyzing it. I had good dances with people I usually have okay dances with, and amazing dances with people I often have good dances with. So much play. So much laughter. A breath for hard work paying off, and for the sheer joy of play.
2. My teacher saying that I pick things up faster than anyone he’s ever worked with. He predicts I’m going to be the karate kid of dance. Karate Kid references have been abounding recently. A breath for being able to believe this.
3. Taos also came up all week too, and this time I listened. A breath for remembering, and for allowing big obvious clues to be big obvious clues.
4. Alon and I had the most amazing conversation about true yes and true no, and something finally landed for me that I think will allow me to act on this with more trust and steadiness. A breath for being ready to live by what I believe.
5. Honesty combined with sweetness. What a combination. What treasure. I can’t even believe I am experiencing this, I can’t even tell you what it means to me that there is someone willing to go this deep into vulnerability with me, no matter how scary it gets. So much presence. A breath of thank you, for presence, for warmth, for the right companion for a wild adventure.
6. Realizing that all the things I thought were bad news are actually good news. A breath for This Is Right.
7. Thankfulness. My strong, healthy body that can handle seven straight days of dancing. Big congruencing. So much help from Richard. Walking out of workshops instead of forcing myself to stay. Wisdom from incoming me. Wednesday night. So many lovely surprises. This amazing new project called The Crown L.I.S.T. which is blowing my mind. Autumn! Flannel sheets! Ginger tea! Warm baths! Walks in the garden. So many things are beautiful. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. A full happy breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.

The latest Internalship book went out, and it is amazing! Yay. A thousand points. We emptied out a crazy amount of stuff from the Playground. Operation Luscious Consonance: the Crown L.I.S.T., aka Sexy Ducks In A Sexy Row is completely amazing, it’s going at its own pace and I’m learning to be patient with that, which is good because oh wow, this is a lot of big symbolic change in the air. Things are moving. Wham Boom.

Revisiting some wise important words of truth from past-me.

This post called PTSD. A letter from me to me. Worth remembering, again and again.

Superpowers…

Powers I had this week…

I had the superpower of Asking Wise Loving Questions, and the superpower of Turning Inward, and the superpower of remembering that insecure-me is not actually correct in her assessment of what’s going on.

Someone who remembers this truth even better than I do told me, “I’m sure the strong confident truth-loving self will take over soon. Just a little hiccup.”

Yes. The superpower of that. Of trusting that. Or even if I forget, knowing that this will come back to me.

Superpowers I want.

The superpower of Trusting That the Loving No Is The Door To True Yes!

New superpowers:

Delighting in Plenty. I am allowed to enjoy being adored. As much sweetness as I want. I see how beautiful everything is and I say thank you.

And planting these again, more of these please…

heatrical Spectaculars! I get a parade! Self-Ripening Wisdom. Everything…in style! And in grand fashion, because that’s how I do things, baby, like a fairground stripper! I Boldly Glow. Ablaze With Fearless Intentional Choice-Making. I Have Everything I Need. Wildly Confident, Outrageously Beautiful, Wonderfully Tranquil. I Do Not Dim My Spark For Anyone.

The Salve of Stating Your Preferences.

This salve is completely amazing to me. Whenever I begin to rub it into my skin, I can feel all the internal tangled places softening, dissolving.

Suddenly what I want and need is so clear, and saying it is so simple. People can either accept it or not, meet it with love or not, but either way, I know what I prefer, and I can share that information with the people who can use it.

I can make simple, clear, loving requests because I am a sovereign being who trusts what she wants and needs. I also trust that the other people involved are also sovereign beings who can deal with this information.

They are free to also share intel about what would work for them, or how they can work with what I gave them.

When I use this salve, I remember that it doesn’t serve anyone to contort. The best thing I can do is get clear about about what would be good for me, and let people know what that is. To be receptive to knowing what is true for me, learning about what is true for them.

This salve embodies the qualities of presence, grace, warmth, laughter, relief, release, and safety. It is playful, alive, dynamic, expansive. It smells (to me!) like ginger and cinnamon, and I’m sure it will have its own smell for you that is wonderful to you, because that’s how it works.

This salve makes sure that everyone gets what they need. It takes trust to use it, and then it rewards you with more trust. And with softening. Not just of your skin, a softening of everything that needs softening. This salve knows about invisible diamonds, and the crown that is felt instead of seen.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

This week’s band comes via Luke, and it’s called Hat-Based Diversion Tactics. They do heavy-metal covers of Enya songs, and actually it’s just one guy.

Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.

I am still recommending the Emergency Get Calm, Quiet And Steady techniques, since they are keeping things good around here for me.

So I want to seed a reminder that this is a thing, and it helps, a lot. Not just with calming down in the moment but with building the kind of habits that allow you to change your relationship with whatever is scary or uncomfortable.

I hardly ever recommend these because the page is already many years old and needs rewriting. However, copywriting aside, this is still one of the best things I have ever made, by a lot. I have two boxes in my office full of the sweetest thank you notes from people, and so many of them are for this.

Come play if you like…

Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.

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