Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
So. This is by far the latest we’ve ever pooblished a chicken. But it’s still before noon, at least here on the west coast.
Anyway, this week went by in kind of a blur, but it was a fabulous blur, for a change.
Hello to all the Chickeneers of the High Seas! Let’s see what actually happened.
The hard stuff
So much tired!
Started the week a bit woozy, got massively energized by being on Rally (Rally!), which was awesome, but could have used way more sleep this week.
And now I want to go hibernate please.
Saying yes to one thing means saying no to other things.
There’s always something kind of sad about that.
A lot of what was on my mind this week had to do all the projects and people that weren’t getting my love and attention.
And even though I know from experience that it all evens out, and that working on one thing is secretly detangling the stuck of all the other ones….
I was really wanting to participate in more than I could, and then being a regretful mouse.
No time for Hoppy House.
Being out of the house all week was very disorienting.
So I’m sitting at the dining room table now (thanks to the Very Personal Ads), and feeling… out of touch.
No walking.
Usually Selma and I walk everywhere, and that didn’t happen this week and I really, really missed it.
Temperature.
Last week we had no heat at the Playground, so there was much anxiety about getting that fixed in time.
And it did get fixed (yay) so I didn’t have to stock up on heaters, blankets and hot water bottles, but it got too much fixed and we were kind of steamy.
Not knowing what I want.
Which pretty much never happens.
Trying to problem-solve things that are not my problem.
Exhausting and pointless.
Sad about Rally ending.
Nooooo!
I totally could have rallied for another few days.
The good stuff
Ohmygod Rally Rally Rally! Rally!
So much fun!
This was a Rally for people who have done at least one year of my Kitchen Table program, so it was kind of like a crazy in-person reunion.
Oh, the fun! Brain-scrambling and hammock-napping and pattern-detangling and bubble-stomping and creatively biggifying.
Plus dressing up and winding down and having very yummy snacks. I can’t really explain it, but this has really been the most astonishing week.
We did extraordinary things, and everything I learned lives inside of me now.
My people. They are amazing.
I say this every time I run a program, but that’s because it blows my mind.
Getting to spend a week with intelligent, creative, playful people in an intelligent, creative, playful environment is basically heaven for me.
I know that this business I have built brings in smart, compassionate, loving, wonderful kookiness. And I don’t know why.
But it is uncanny.
Mad projectizing powers: activate!
As always, I got ridiculous amounts of stuff done while rallying.
And negotiated with monsters and learned a bunch of Unexpected Things that resolved a bunch of challenges I didn’t even know needed attention.
I got to plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
This week was seriously fun. In fact, I cannot even remember the last time I had so much fun.
It was just pure play. Play with dance and movement, and with piles of blankets and with letting my project take me wherever it wanted to go.
That thing about being five years old… I did that this week and it was like this, and it was completely delightful.
So overjoyed I could cry.
The astonishing thing about rallying with people who have been consistently working with my techniques and teachings over the past couple years:
They use the stuff I teach! Regularly, as a matter of course. And you can see it working all the time.
It’s so beautiful.
People paired off to be negotiators for each others’ monsters. And they coached each other using all the stuff we do here.
They were so quick at destuckifying, and at identifying what the stuck was and where it was coming from, and meeting it with compassion and curiosity.
It was like watching the video montage at my Lifetime Achievement award ceremony. I could see my work in action, and in it all the reminders of why this stuff is powerful and important.
Shivanautical epiphanies all over the place.
Moments of bing bing bing all week.
We did some pretty out-there stuff (cough, level 7) and my brain may have exploded slightly.
True to form, Shiva Nata delivered. And the insights are knocking me over, but in a really good way.
Roller Derby season has started up again and I am so happy about this!
Tomorrow!
Going to watch my beloved Guns N Rollers and scream my head off.
We’re sponsoring them again this year, and maybe we’ll get some shivanauts on the track too. Would be awesome.
Ooh, also an ANNOUNCEMENT!
We have two Stowawayships (kind of like a pirate-ey scholarship) for the next Rally and we’ve never had this happen, so this is a lucky thing for someone, possibly you.
This particular Rally is extra-special, even aside from the usual rally-related specialness.*
* Swinging in the hammock, going for lunch with me and Selma, wearing costumes, being five years old, chortling, having astounding realizations, drawing with crayons, getting a present, going out for pie.
Because: it’s one full day longer than a regular Rally.
And we have a bunch of very neat exercises to help you create a Book of You (though of course you can projectize any project you like while you’re there).
Application deadline is Toozday, though I assume they’ll be gone much sooner than that. So take a look.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band is a bit obscure, but that doesn’t stop them from rocking it all night long.
Apparently they got together while working at a book store.
Green Existentialists and Ham
Weirdly enough, it’s actually just one guy.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day and a restful weekend-ing.
And a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
Follow
yay! Chicken. I didn’t realize how much I counted on the process. 🙂
The rally sounds wonderful and I’m glad the heat issue was resolved.
this week
Hard:
misunderstanding/not quite fight with friend
power going out yesterday morning and throwing a spanner in the works for the day
body being female and giving me either massive hangry, cramps and nausea
being a donkey on the edge, probably due to the above
not being able to find my 64 pack of pipsqueak markers and feeling like I had one hand tied behind my back.
too much snow, man.
another friend throwing shoes on my Facebook because he doesn’t meet the “wacky sidekick” criteria
Good:
not as much snow as other places got. we were still able to get out of dodge.
making up with first friend.
Mondo Beyondo week zero.
Secret PlayDate Toozday resulted in a prototype worksheet for free download at my new blog (launching Monday, the blog, have to figure out how to make the worksheet to download)
really good coaching chat with my client (haven’t found my good metaphors for those terms yet)
yoga!
these new mini peanut butter cups by Reese’s. I think they beat the little eggs they put out at Easter. That helped with the hangry and the angry. 😉
happy weekend y’all!
::snort:: ::gurgle:: ::laff::
*Green Existentialists and Ham.*
Oh, my.
The hard this week was having the will to work but not having much opportunity. I have a house full of young adults who don’t have driver’s licenses and needed rides every which where. Too much time in the car. And I had to go on the Beltway. Which is pretty much the highway to hell. Ahem.
Also, those young adults use a lot of dishes and eat a lot of food. Ah, well.
Another hard was missing you, Havi, and Selma, and the KT. Wah. Wanted to log in and say hi so many times. Sad left-out mouse.
The good there is that by not being able to hang out I am actually getting out all my useful Kitchen Table tools and USING THEM. It feels good and right to put these good things into practice.
Another good is that I have had a house full of young adults and they are fun. And funny.
I’ve also been completing my Traveling Sketchbook on the theme of It’s Raining Dogs and Cats. Which means I’ve been drawing dogs and cats. Falling. From the sky. And looking very surprised. Much fun there.
TGIF, all.
Yay Chicken! It’s been a Chicken kind of week.
Hard:
-Headache. For a day and a half. Ow ow ow.
Good:
-Visited lots of art galleries this week. Whee!
Hard:
-Seeing dreadful art in those galleries, and worse, seeing how unprofessional the artists are. Wow. If I had $30,000 paintings in a solo show, I’d sure as hell show up to my opening reception! Damn!
Good:
-Nearly finished with my commissioned painting. I’m getting a lot less than 30k for it, but my client loves it. That’s the best feeling!
The Chicken is Here! Yay 🙂
The hard:
-Still rushing more than I want with so much TO DO!
-Mind thrashing what/where/how with new business thing
The good:
-Finally had super secret day off – wonderful!
-Paring down TO DO! list so it’s more my stuff
-DH took a day off and we played hooky
-Mom is much better – even walking about
-Consults with astonishingly great new clients – learning as much from them as they from me 🙂
-Feeling fitter and stronger than in a long time
The Best:
-Way more goods than hards this week – Sigh…
Green Existentialists and Ham! I love it. I AM SAM! SAM I AM!
Wow. It’s been a week and a half.
Hard:
–I already mentioned my car accident in this past Sunday’s VPA, but yes, very hard. And the excellent body shop where I had it towed earlier in the week has not called me with an update yet. And I don’t want to call them yet, because, you know, phone calls — I just don’t. I will when I have to, but not yet.
–Borrowing my sweetie’s pick up truck. It’s elderly and quirky, and guzzles gas like ouch.
–The day after I made payment arrangements to our propane company, we ran out of propane. So now we’re without heat until Monday.
–The monsters have been quite agitated. “Wait a minute, didn’t all these things happen last winter? Car in the body shop needing repairs, no heat, money stress, school stress — it’s all happening again! What is wrong with you?”
Good:
–Borrowing my sweetie’s pick up truck. For all it’s quirks, it’s strong and sturdy, and I’m glad it’s there. It also meant a lot to me to have my sweetie, on the day of the accident, hand me his keys. It speaks of confidence and trust.
–My choral group is back in rehearsals, and we’re beginning to work on some very cool music.
–And then there’s Candide! Another exhilirating rehearsal this week. So excited and energized by this work!
–Jam session with my daughter, singing Beatles songs.
–Electric heaters and electric blankets.
So happy to hear about the fantabulous Rally! I think I’ll find some ways to Rally for myself this weekend. It will be glorious. Love to all!
Rallies sound like so much awesomeness! One of these days…
This week’s hard:
– A cold. The sneezies. Sleep-sleep-sleepiness.
– Again with the wanting to fix other people’s stuff and feeling helpless because I can’t.
– A really frightening couple of days waiting to hear a bit of news that could have been very bad (but thankfully wasn’t).
This week’s good:
– Good news on most worrywart fronts.
– Oh, yoga class, how I’ve missed you. Today’s first class back after holiday break was all kinds of aweome and much needed.
– A week off! I haven’t had one of those since, well, I don’t have any idea when. A couple of years, at least.
– Catching up on chick flicks.
– Much progress on the office redo: Bags and bags of stuff cleared out, a few things rearranged, plans made, new desk/table found on Craigslist, systems starting to fall into place.
– A shockingly large check from one of my galleries, and a huge giant amazing epiphany to go along with it.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
Aaaagh! I meant to say, “For all its quirks,” not “For all it’s quirks!” I do know the difference!
…pant…pant…
Thanks for letting me clear that up. 🙂
@Kathleen, I usually notice those kinds of typos, but I was so drawn into the story of your week that I didn’t even notice. It’s all good. 🙂
My week —
The Hard:
-No time for journaling but needing to process.
-First workout in 3 weeks due to traveling and being sick was HARD and painful. My body was.not.cooperating.
-Busy week for me and bf, so didn’t have much time together.
-Didn’t eat terribly well. Still getting back on track.
The Good:
+Rockin’ my work assignments.
+Lots of good challenges that made my brain work hard.
+Giving myself genuine praise for going somewhere different and finding my way around w/out freaking out.
+Second workout was much better, and I’m looking forward to getting to know my body again post-sickness.
+Getting good ideas re: tutoring English; feeling more and more connected to my student.
+Having an elusive yet adorable cat sleep with us on the bed all night long.
+Read 2 1/2 fiction books this week. Yay!
+Long weekend coming up!
I haven’t done this Friday Check-in thing in ages, but I’m not dead yet! Just filled with apathy, Heh.
The Hard:
– Been ill for ages.
– Haven’t properly marketed my Shiny New Thing, the (Havi-unrelated, heh) Monster Heart Coloring Book. Dracula and the Mummy feel unloved.
– Feeling like a mouse who didn’t save enough seeds for winter, foraging in scarcity. Bleh bleh bleh.
– Sleep schedule is getting even more off than usual.
– Discouraged about the next Shiny New Thing.
– Cracked another tooth. Not too achy so far, though, hoping to be able to minimize the overall damage. Do not want a third crown. Also, cannot afford a third crown.
– Small chance the Perfect Roommate will finally move out. Alas.
The Good:
+ Starting to recover finally. Vegetables were eaten with minimal nausea! Today, I may try for a protein that is not an egg.
+ Cthulhu sold a Valentine! First sale this year. It’s a start.
+ Regular clients are still pretty awesome.
+ Friends are definitely extra awesome.
+ I’ve found BBC’s Sherlock and it’s love at first viewing. Now reading the original versions. Love.
+ Cats still adorable. Wake up most mornings with one on either side of me snuggling. This isn’t helping me get up earlier, but it’s still lovely.
+ Posting art again, finally.
Hmm…the week of the damp weekend this is.
The hard:
– Did I mention the rubbish weather? And then having to spend all day sitting in my damp clothes in an underheated office?
– Frustration with still not getting any response to my industry analysis stuff and having to start over with a new project. With two weeks to do it in. Argh!
– Frustration with ordering camouflage make up that seems to camouflage nothing
– Frustration with other stuff not going very well
– My lungs being…dubious and painful
The good:
– Enjoying my new work role
– Sookie Stackhouse!
– Getting a bunch of stuff finished for my deadline
– New boots x2! At bargain sale prices.
– New underwear – with polka dots.
– Going somewhere new on Saturday night and having a great time – in my new boots.
Time for sleeps I think…happy weekend everyone.
The hard:
* One of our cats was diagnosed with an incurable, fatal disease last weekend. After losing another cat just last summer, I feel raw and unable to comprehend how this can happen.
The good:
* Work has lightened up enough that I’m not so frantic about getting everything done, which provided a good opportunity to reconnect with my yoga practice and general intentions to be mindful of my body throughout the work day.
* I’m (mostly) remembering to be kind to myself, and put my own comfort first, knowing that it’s important and will help everything else get done.
Cluck, cluck!
Hard:
-still quite a bit of stuckness (in the form of anxiety and procrastination) about working on my proposal. Resulting in no work on said proposal.
-Having some trouble dealing with roommate’s relative (compared to me) lack of cleaning habits. Processing where that frustration on my part comes from and learning to take a deep breath and lay it aside.
Good:
-I was able to visit with a friend yesterday unexpectedly and (also unexpectedly) got a supportive phone call from another friend when I really needed it.
-I set up a proposal-tackling work group with a classmate! We have a phone conference tomorrow and will meet in person next week. (Yay!)
-Last week I did a mighty job eating healthfully and exercising regularly. This week I’m still exercising regularly (yay!!) and wasn’t as consistent about the eating, but did not meander too far off the track and–most importantly–didn’t beat myself up. So that felt great.
Happy weekend!
@andi: Not sure if it was a typo or not, but “hangry”…yes. I have big problems with hangry cravings.
@Havi: the saying yes/saying no thing. Sooooo challenging. Hugs.
@everyone else: soft enfolding hugs for hard; loving happy hugs for good
And on to…here, chicka chicka:
Hard:
-Weird body signals I cannot interpret. Like, my left-hand ring finger gets numb for no reason.
-Weird things in the house still. Like, every morning at exactly 5:45, it smells like pipe tobacco (though none of us smoke any kind of tobacco).
-Waiting. waiting. waiting.
-Dealing with the mind-warp that is a person yelling at you for doing a thing and then turning around and doing the exact. same. thing. Having no way to point this out without causing further yelling.
-I have no good shoes for snow. How does this happen?
-Someone replaced my boobs with a new swelly-hurty version. They apparently do this on a monthly basis. Kinda sucks that right when you’re looking all hot and busty, you also want to scream “Don’t touch them!”
Good:
-My spinning wheel. It arrived yesterday, and I went out to the shop and set it up and brought it home. Lovely. It is so lovely.
-Feeling growing sense of connection with people. Hard for little mouse me to do this, but liking the results.
-Lotsa fruit. Also, started taking a vitamin again and noticed near-instant betterness in my physical body feelings. Why didn’t I think of this before? (I know. Because teenage me thinks vitamins are a hoax.)
-Snow on the ground again. But still warmish. (Mid-20s…for January, this is warmish here, right?) I like winter.
The Hard:
– Giant shoe thrown at me via my course evaluations “Waste of time and money”. Mind you this is only the opinion of 1 out of the 14 students in the class. A few others had nice or neutral things to say. Most didn’t even bother to do the evaluations. But I OBSESSED about that 1 comment. I have a very good idea of who it is and this person is merely using our program as a stepping stone to medical school so now that I’ve calmed down a bit I can see why he might have said that since he has such a NARROW focus on what skill-set he needs. But still it HURT like hell. I worked my ass of last year. Worked way more hours that I get paid for. I care very deeply about my students and that I can’t please them all pains me deeply.
The Good:
+ Working for the last 2 days in the lab with another student from that same course. What a delightful person she is. She sees the value in a BROAD base of skills to use in her professional portfolio. Did a lot to offset the pain. It is students like her for which I don’t mind the long hours.
+ Very productive meeting with my dissertation adviser which has led to a more tightly focused prospectus which is now out for formal approval of my committee. Feeling good about the journey ahead. Feel that I picked the right adviser!
+ Submitted the final draft for the summer research project I did – 314 pages of narrative, graphs and statistical analysis! Whew!
+ Support from my fellow instructors regarding the issue with the shoe-throwing student. There have been another things he has said about our program that have gotten them very upset. Needed to have validation that it isn’t about me but rather a mismatch between what the student thinks he wants and what the mission is of our program.
+ Support of my best friend who makes me laugh no matter how much the day sucks. I return the favor when her life is all in turmoil. It is all good!
Happy Weekend!
My chicken is actually a chickadee. They are so funny out there in the snow, making a mess with the birdseed and taunting the cats.
The hard.
Not much. Moving slowly on various projects but I remind myself that this is how I decided to do it because I want BALANCE and EQUILIBRIUM and I don’t get it when I submerge myself in my work.
Jaw aches. Think I clench it when I’m concentrating and then the clenching causes headaches. Irritated at body for taking on this annoying habit when we’re doing so WELL at dropping other bad habits.
The Good.
Epiphanies! Abundance! Support! all showing up in DROVES. I feel like I’ve cracked the code.
My house is lovely, thank you. Learning how to build cleaning into a routine so that it doesn’t build up to overwhelm (and it’s WORKING)
Practicing mindfulness and ritual is lovely. I am so happy to be where I’m at.
Ah, the day of Fridayness.
The hard.
– Trying to find a bra that fits. Ugh. Seriously, who do they make these things for?
– Realizing that my desire to lose a few pounds and my desire to eat 5 pieces of toast at a sitting are somewhat incongruous.
The good.
+ Went to neurologist and got work excuse slip for the days I missed in December. I *may* be able to get those days recoded so I can actually get paid for them. (If I can’t, then file this one under The Hard.)
+ Taught 2 students how to knit. Hey, I actually like this teaching thing. Teaching knitting is way easier than teaching beadwork was.
+ Finished writing my hat pattern. I need someone to test knit it now. Any takers?
+ It’s date night so the gentleman friend and I are going to the Earthen Jar. If you’re eating vegan Indian food and listening to Bob Marley you know you’re in Ann Arbor.
Happy Friday Chickeneers!
The Good:
Health Returns!(Slowly but surely returning.)
Excellent conversation/social connection at work today.
The Dog is adorable.
The Seas are sailed …(i.e. stuff gets done without too much drama, there is more to do: life is good.)
the hard … tried to register for comentluv and my comment got deleted !
Dear 2011:
Could we cool it already with the kicking of my butt? My tailbone is never going to be the same thanks to 2010, isn’t that enough?
Kthx and kisses, M
Hard:
* friend in hospital
* feeling bleary, flabby, and sleep-deprived
* the house is freaking cold
* waiting to hear back on various thingses
Good:
* still receiving holiday pressies and messages
* I’ll have time during my Room in the Inn shift to do some work, read some reads, and even sneak in a few zzzs
* one of my Christmas cacti decided to bloom again. The flowers are spectacular and sooo pretty!
Wishing (and gwishing) strength and delight to all,
M
Not done this before – sounds like a good way to take time out and look at what’s been happening rather than looking ahead all the time. So here goes:
Hard
– my morning part-time job lasted until 10.30pm on Wednesday and 9.30pm on Thursday.
– that meant that I didn’t get to spend the time I wanted on my part-time shiatsu & qigong business marketing thoughts and plans.
– my boss, who is lovely, has a very ill mum, who she has been trying to look after (hence my long days!) and then she got ill. Really cr*ppy for her.
– I may have downloaded a virus onto my other computer when trying to download a map of Sierra Leone for a presentation for my charity.
– my Outlook went into meltdown. Wish I had an IT Helpdesk at home.
Good
– being able to help my boss out a bit when she has so much stuff going on.
– maybe I didn’t download a virus, maybe I was smart and avoided it. Will check with the computer shop tomorrow..
– did great shiatsu treatments.
– my friend’s daughter had her baby – early, but a good size. Mother and baby (and grandmother!) doing well.
Happy weekend everyone.
Sigh, one of these days I will travel up to the northern lands of vegan food carts and join in this amazing rally business.
Hard:
– 99% there to getting an important document and then…finding at the last minute that I don’t have an essential signature. Which means I need to pay more for the time lost. Sigh.
Good:
– bringing in dailyish shiva nata, grounding & posture practices, and curious type journalling back into my life. All good stuff.
– learning that exercise is essential very much to dissolve certain thinking. Will add to the book of me!
– clarity to my projects & biz this year: what they look like, how they work. Feels really good.
Wow. Anything else I was going to write here got blown out of the water yesterday.
Hard:
– Some astronomer in Minnesota pretended they had some idea of how astrology worked while talking to a reporter. It’s sad when scientific-minded people make factually incorrect, easily disproven statements.
– Said comments got sucked into the Twittersphere and half the internet has been whipped into a shitstorm over this fictional thirteenth sign.
– I haven’t been able to get much ACTUAL work done, since I’m responding to so many tweets and facebook messages and emails etc etc.
– Our professional organizations really dropped the ball on this, so we’ve had to self-organize a response to the whole thing.
– I’m really tired. And I’m tired of typing. And writing.
– Also tired of watching my work get raked over the coals by the ill-informed.
Good:
+ We’ve gotten CNN, Time, The Washington Post, and a few other outlets to run updates to their stories so far.
+ I have a lot of well-spoken, thoughtful colleagues who make me very proud.
+ It’s refreshing to see so many people banding together to push back bad info.
+ I’ve learned to write good talking points and media statements.
+ All PR is good PR, supposedly.
I really need a nap. And some fuzzy socks. I’m so tired I’m willing to break the sock ban.
Hi everybody!
The hard:
–Having trouble keeping my attention on my money-earning work. It deserves my attention and we need the money!
–In fact, attention zanging around more than is comfortable in general. Lots going on! Grounding routines not quite working. Need to do them with more attention. Hmm.
–Feeling frustrated with money scarcity. I keep wanting things I can’t have.
–Still getting well verrrrry slowly.
–Okay, enough already!
The good:
–More love notes on my blog!!
–My duo sang today for people with Alzheimer’s. It was totally awesome. They loved us. We loved them. I performed one verse of a song while dancing with a very nice man. I reminded him of his wife.
–Great session with my first Test Kitchen client. This process is working. Wow!!
–Scheduled my second Test Kitchen client for next week!!! I’m so excited to work with her!
–Getting well. Almost.
–Learning so much from the internet [firehose] um, luscious waterfall of great information and inspiration.
Hugs to all!
Oh, Chicken, I’m so happy to see you! I was getting a bit twitchy.
The hard:
Getting stuck in a rut and not feeling ready to leave San Jose, even though I wasn’t actually doing anything there that I can’t do anywhere else.
Trying to get a copy of my receipt for my ticket to Brazil printed to prove to Panama Immigration that really, I do intend to leave.
Feeling frustrated and achy. Related to not eating in a timely fashion. Repeatedly.
Needing stable internet in a quiet location. Not having access to it.
The Good:
Finding my Garden Path (product systems) with stepping stones and dew drops!
Knowing what I want and therefore need to do next.
I have an interview coming up (as interviewer).
Took my laundry in today. Really anticipating clean clothes. #travelhazard
I’m getting excited about moving to Brazil for six weeks, maybe longer. Imma take Portuguese classes. Also, caipoera.
Been a few since my last chickening – am still recovering from the SPLAT!
Hard:
I, too, am sooooooo tired! I come home from PT and just flop in the bed and sleep. Luckily, I am still able to sleep at night, mostly all the way through. Will my body ever have enough sleep?
One pain seems to be subsiding, only to replaced by another “me now! me now! I want to hurt big time now!”
Good:
My little cards are still selling, even without me being there to help them! I took some in today in hopes of restocking a few, and found I didn’t bring enough. Truly heartwarming.
Ran into some of the customers I see on a regular basis at the “real” job I’m away from due to the SPLAT. They are sooo nice and comforting, and genuinely miss me. Makes a gal feel good.
Mederma is working! The scar by my eye had started to keloid, but regular applications of Mederma are flattening it. Still have remnants of a black eye, though.
The wrap:
Am succumbing to brain mush, due to tired taking over, so will wish all a wonderful weekend and week to come.
Chicken! -makes chicken noises-
Hard:
– been an emotional wreck this week. not sure why.
– no sleep. nothing new. still sucks.
– exhaustion over being back at uni – deadlines and lectures and volunteering and GAH. overwhelm.
– worry over next weeks deadlines
Good:
– had a proper girly outing yesterday with housemates – shopping then went to a bellydance show and then watched a girly movie. reminded me how much i love dance.
– i’ve finished 2/3 pieces of work due for next wednesday.
– when i needed to cry, my friend came over and gave me a hug.
Happy to leave this week behind. Bring on a new one 🙂
Anything I was going to write changed yesterday with shoes being thrown. Stilettos pretending to be ballet flats, to be specific. I’m hurt, want to run away. I realized that because of the nature of the shoe-throwers,I can only look for support from certain places and they were not available. I sighed with relief when I realized I could post here – thanks for that, Havi and fellow chickaneers.
AdMan tried to support but ended up throwing shoes instead – acchh!
After big dumps of snow – we now have about 3 feet all together, warming and melting have led to leaking of roof.
The good:
So hard to see it through shoe bruises, and all around licking of wounds.
Gave myself permission to be really angry.
Friend getting our of hospital after serious surgery -yay.
New teachers are responding to material I’m offering.
3 day weekend.
I learned how to play KenKen.
Havi:
The rally sounds so amazing and I was particularly struck by this powerful sentence:
It was like watching the video montage at my Lifetime Achievement award ceremony. I could see my work in action, and in it all the reminders of why this stuff is powerful and important.
OMG – what a feeling that must be for you!!!
I get chills every time I read it. My life has been forever changed as a result of your work. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Havi – love and congratulations on an amazing week. <3
The hard:
Procrastination.
Lots of. And lots of unpaid overtime as a result.
Codependency.
I'm realising that yes, my best friend and I are THAT codependent and yes, we have THAT much work to do on our friendship.
Sick rat.
My pet rat Dash has developed some kind of freaky eye problem and may lose her eye. She's also really, really HATING having to wear a surgical collar, and it's miserable to watch.
Broke.
I'm in debt and have lots of financial sorting-out to do and lots of scary conversations to have with creditors. I had a budget and payment plans worked out, and THEN my rat got sick and cost me nearly all my money. Also, quite possibly about to lose my temp job.
The good:
Best friend.
Just when I was worrying about how to break it to her that I think we're codependent and need to make some radical changes, she emailed me saying pretty much all the things I'd been thinking. We still have a long way to go, but at least we're on the same path heading in the same direction.
Rat.
I was really afraid it was cancer, and it's not. Also, I was really afraid she was going to die under the anaesthetic, and she didn't. ALSO, I'd been in a knot of stuck guilt for *months* about my failure to cuddle and play with my rats (I have three). Because of Dash's illness I've been re-bonding with her in a big way, and I'm hoping this will help me re-bond with my other rats too.
Friends.
Three amazing friends have been helping me through my current rough patch by emailing me every day, giving me sensible, self-compassionate, doable to-do lists when I can't see a way through the jungle of tasks, gently challenging my crazy, and being incredibly supportive of my flailings towards sanity.
Relief.
I'd been freaking out and working round the clock (well, procrastinating round the clock) because of an upcoming audit at work, and was convinced I hadn't done nearly enough. It turned out to be a relaxed ten-minute friendly chat and the auditor seemed to be quite satisfied with my work.
A Wednesday of helpful appointments.
Went to see a psychologist and a career advisor on the same day. Both lovely and helpful and both gave me revelations about myself. I'm now on the waiting list for CBT.
Nonviolent Communication.
I read it. LIFE CHANGER.
Free food.
A colleague found out I was broke and positively loaded me with food. She's also asked the boss to order an extra sandwich for me whenever they get some in for meetings. I'm floored.
Chicken notes!
I started taking notes during the week so I could actually remember my week enough to chicken… and it worked!
Oh my goodness this week went *WOOOOOOSH*!
The HARD (not much!):
– I spent soooo much money. Ooops!
– Cleaning and cleaning and shopping!
– Work stress. Speaking my mind, not being heard. (‘There there little girl, you don’t understand office politics, let me pat you on the head.’ Gag.)
The GOOD (so much!!):
– My birthday party!! Which ended up accidentally at a FURRY CONVENTION. LOL! I have great friends.
– New jeans! Yay! The last pair I tried on (of dozens). I liked them so much I bought 2.
– Seeing this adorable grey sweater from across the store and falling in LOVE. There was only one, and it was sized way too small, but I tried it on and it FIT. And then I went to check out, and it was 30% off. AND IT’S BY A BRAND CALLED “FLUENT LIFE”. How much more awesome could this sweater be?
– Getting ShivaNata dvd in the mail!! YAY!
– Getting flowers and cupcakes and a million bday wishes.
The Good:
2 hour of cross country skiing in the most gorgeous nature I have seen in quite some time.
9 pounds gone!
Turkey burger. Yum.
Tired body.
Very fun night out last night.
No where to go tonight.
A strong capable body.
My house plants are still alive after 2 weeks.
Schleepy. Mmmm.
The Hard:
There are no cupcakes in my house. And no chance of cupcakes arriving in the foreseeable future.
Nor is there any almond butter so I can’t even make my emergency back up almond butter cookies.
The good:
Survived shovelling a path from the house to the street.
Finding out the neighbors were worried about me, and got half the driveway plowed out for me.
Was able to get someone to come in and snowblow out the rest of the driveway and the path to the front door.
The peace & quiet of not having the roommates home. Also being able to start thier puppy on a housebreaking schedule.
Having people in my life that love me, no matter what.
Having my VP, Lou purr in my ear when I really need it.
Major epiphanies about my Right Place, Right People, and Right Direction for my blog/business/life.
More epiphanies about products, inventions etc.
Lost a couple of lbs.
The hard:
Sore from all the shovelling; very tired.
Resenting the mess the roommates left for me to clean up while they went on vacation.
Feeling rather uncharitable about a lot of things and people. Complaining much, while no real action gets taken beyond lip service to change this. Resolving to change this.
Realizing I am losing patience with things, animals and people I once loved and wondering what is wrong with me.
The hard:
Having my triumphant stand against the man and bureaucracy swept under the rug. By bureaucracy.
Not having my friends around cos of 16,000 km and several oceans.
Doubt, fear and procrastination about the next part of adventure time.
Insomnia turning into nocturnal sleeping habits.
The Good:
The lessons learned from my triumphant stand have been learned and the man cannot take them away.
Getting one of my awesome, no wait crazy awesome ideas off and running. Its small and special and all mine *glee*
Starting up Backwards-plan-2011-thought-game and writing it out.
Putting some of B-P-2011-T-G into action to change it into actions that I can do right now.
Dancing the dance, being alive, coffee that is freshly hand gowned, food and deep cold breaths.
Chickening on the week that was. (Note to self: take notes throughout the week (journal?) so that this is easier to do, what with the recollections etc).
The hard
– Massive misunderstandings
On both sides, and not speaking up or hearing, and feeling that it’s unfair that they haven’t spoken up, and plummeting into despair.
– Despair
It sucks. It hurts. It makes me throw up. It is the pits.
– Guilt and mistakes
Also suck, and hurt others. FFS, can I please NOT f*ck up for a while, please?
– Obligations that I just don’t care about but really make good use of the money they pay me for undertaking
Uggghghhhghghghgh…. (gutteral choking cough, ahem). Tangled. Resistance. Feeling all cobwebbed by this yukky, sticky stuff that is just IN THE WAY and takes up my time. Guilt. This work needs to get done, people are relying on me and I have made commitments to deliver. Arggh – trapped! Errrgghhh – leaving them in the lurch if I bail…
– Autism Spectrum Disorder and other labels
Even though the label is really more of a pragmatic solution so we can best help him rather than a definitive description or explanation. Sadness. Knowing how lucky we’ve got it delegitimising the sadness = guilt (is there any way to get away from it?!?). It’s a mother’s job to worry, and I do.
– Paperwork
Churning through piles and piles of paperwork and forms that are months overdue. Inner critic rolling papers into batons and hitting me over the head with how stupid and lazy and self-sabotaging I am and what a bad job I’m doing at taking care of my beautiful baby boy and obviously you LIKE the money dramas because otherwise you’d DO BETTER.
– Exhaustion
Getting up early fairly consistently to help build my glorious greenhouse but then fetishising late nights as usual and not factoring in enough sleep at the other end. Physical exhaustion adding to emotional exhaustion and please can we stop the roller coaster already and just cruise for a while I am feeling nauseous and it’s not fun anymore.
The Good
+ Reconnection
Finding my way back into The Nook, back to the painful-but-honest and wavering-but-hopeful place and knowing that the wavering is just me getting my land legs back and that I AM on solid ground and we WILL be able to make things beautiful.
+ Sadness
Well, no, the sadness is Hard, but the fact that I’m feeling it means that I’m not employing defensive avoidance techniques like anger and ignoring and weird-arse rationalisations and means that I’m moving through it, experiencing it for what it is (and I CAN handle it) and it is like the morning mist and that forgiveness will come soon and then it will dissolve like the mist and I will be able to let go of the pain and the sadness over the pain too. Sad is hard but also okay, it’s temporary and appropriate. And after sad will come forgiveness and letting go. That’s empowering.
+ Greenhouse construction commences
Have been making good progress and having good insights into how to build and maintain a greenhouse that will support and help me live and give best.
+ Insight into why work sucks
I don’t care about saving a rotting ship! I joined the ship’s crew to be part of the idea transport business, and now they have invented airplanes and telephone exchanges. Idea transport is about the IDEAS, not the mode of transport. #epiphany
+ Shiva Nata
Getting better at some of it. At least getting better at keeping my arms up for longer than two minutes at a time. Developing muscles in my lower back and core. Doing it regularly.
Did you get that?
I said… DOING IT REGULARLY!
Oh my, yes! Something that is GOOD for me! I know it is hard to believe but I am. Yay for sciencey woo, my favourite kind.
+ Frank
Introduced Frank to family. Went down well without any of the rubbishing I was expecting to cop. Not that Frank’s voice is easy to hear over the Usual Suspects shouting and beating me about the head and screeching. But I know she is there and is looking at them like Supernanny looks at little brats having a tantrum and they KNOW she’s looking at them and they are sooo going to sit in the naughty chair and IIII know that there is no naughty chair they will be taken out for a quiet lunch in quiet place and we will talk with them which makes their tantrums a bit easier to live through.
Oh man, can I please reiterate the wish for some calm? I’m tired…..
xC