Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Huh. Apparently it’s Friday. That’s not crazy at all.
Let’s see.
The hard and the good are pretty much all the same things this week.
Except for the hedgehog part. Everything hedgehog-related goes straight to the good category. At least right now.
The hard stuff
Body is creaky, tired, achy.
Poor me.
Body is older.
This whole upcoming birthday thing combined with all my routines having disappeared this week is leaving me feeling uncomfortable in my skin.
I can’t wait to get back to walking, tramping, dancing, moving, stretching, all of that.
Everything is older. And more tired.
Not once did I get carded this week.
And then six different people asked me if I have kids, and told me how haggard I look, in the same sentence.
Oh and at the grocery store, the cashier told me, “Get some rest, okay? I’m worried about you.” And I told her I was running away.
And then she asked if I had kids and I said no and she said, “Oh, that’s a relief.” And the other cashier said, “Just be safe.”
That’s great.
Hitting the no return point of tired.
You know, when you’re just mumbling to yourself.
And when total strangers feel the need to intervene.
Emergency Vacation is ending and Inowanna!
The past three days of Emergency Undisclosed Location Vacation (aka Going Dark) have been so wonderful.
I don’t want to come back.
No. That’s not true. Of course I do. I miss my gentleman friend and my clients and Hoppy House and the Playground.
But oh for some more of this. So sad.
The good stuff
Emergency Vacation was just the thing.
Of course it was. It always is.
The hotel, the drinks, the view, the spaciousness, the being alone.
It was all so good and so perfectly what was needed.
Thursday.
I hung out with Cairene and we ate yummy street food.
And then I sat in a cafe and wrote.
Sitting in the sun, walking in the rain, going to the bar. And writing.
Why can’t more days be like this?
Transitions, once they’re actually happening, are okay.
My birthday is Monday. And I’m always over my pre-transitional-freakout by the time the day itself actually rolls around.
So if I can just get through the next day or two of over-thinking everything, I’ll be in party-mouse mode.
And the good part about getting older.
A couple more years and people will maybe even stop asking me about Bolivia all the time.
More of this vacation thing.
Not just scheduling it. Actively taking it.
I have a plan. And it is a good one.
Coming back.
To all the good things.
I have a hedgehog!
He is a toy hedgehog and he is cute as a button. Button!
But that’s not his name. His name is Scootch. I will take a picture so you can meet Scootch.
He is the most adorable and the most soft and I love him. Scootch!
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band is brought to you by all the suits at my hotel who kept flooding the bar at unlikely hours, so I had to go Emergency Vacate in my room, which is way less fun.
I would have called the band Booze to Go, but I’m pretty sure that already is a band.
Flock of Bastards.
Or FOB and the Watches, as they were known in an earlier incarnation.
You can catch their show anywhere on the west side of the river. The weird part?It’s really just one guy.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day and a restful weekend-ing.
And a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
Follow
Ooh, a check-in chicken!
The Good:
Half handstand at the wall again in yoga. Turns out my wrists are strong and will not snap in half if supporting most of my body weight.
The car is getting fixed. An auspicious number (723) and a lower one than I feared. And no more choking and bucking.
Good clients.
Quoted in the New York Times! woot, as they say.
Whimsical times with friends (and beer) on tap for tonight.
A clean house!
The Hard:
No sushi delivery last night left me with a kale smoothie for dinner.
A severe lack of burrito delivery trucks in my neck of the woods.
The Hard
Overbooked and double booked myself again. It’s bringing in stress and I’m holding on to that stress.
I have been too busy to even visit dad in the hospital and I’m a jerk.
My work says I have an office to work out of. I stored some child-made puppets in there and someone threw them out. I cried, the children didn’t. The students just made new, even awesomer ones.
The Good
shiva nata is stupid fun. Six to ten year olds love it — we did basics as part of our movement warm-up @ drama class. Breaks their heads a little.
I got a rush of courageous direction and told a bunch of people what i do, and they all said “cool”.
Finished knitting a pair of socks, love them.
Happy (early) Birthday to you, Havi.
And a soft mama hug for what sounds like overwhelming tired.
The Hard:
-Hormonal stuff. But there are patterns! Manic behavior and dark moods and all. Also, ouchy girly bits. Don’t like.
-Time. There is never enough of it.
-Car craziness. Fear of crashing, then the witnessing of many near-crashes. (People! You are manipulating a very heavy object that could kill people. Get off the phone. Slow down. Sigh…)
The Good:
-None of them were actual crashes. Just close calls.
-This morning, as I was leaving for the work-drive, I saw my purple pen and thought, yes I should grab that. Today might be a poem day. And it was. Birds in the rain. Funny how one little glimpse of a thing at a stoplight can bring on a flood of thinking.
-The Manperson gave me a talking-to about the value of poetry. And if HE values it….well then…
-A wee bit of alone time that was very much appreciated.
-It smells like spring today. It’s wet and squishy and springlike.
-Fits and starts, but more motivation than usual. I give the sun a lot of credit for this.
Ah, Flock of Bastards. They’re popping up all over the place these days.
This week’s hard:
– My motivation seems to have holed itself up in a bunker somewhere without telling me where it was going or how to get in touch with it if I needed it. One little not-so-difficult thing to accomplish this whole entire week, and I’ve made next to no progress on it.
– Having a bout of left-out-itis about not being asked to participate in a couple of things I would have really liked to have done.
– Despite all the procrastination this week, it seems I don’t have nearly enough time to do all the things I want to.
This week’s good:
– No looming deadlines, so the effects of the lack of motivation are minimal.
– A nice, quiet birthday celebration for my sweetie, complete with cupcakes and ice cream.
– Some good news for my sister, who doesn’t get nearly enough of that in her life.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
The good:
Continued recovery from the Flu Bug From Hell. Feeling somewhat stronger.
Giving up sugar and caffiene a bit at a time.
Eating more of a vegetarian diet.
Warm weather where I’m at assisting in recovery process.
Letting go of those who would throw shoes.
Making plans to start all over again.
The hard:
Continued shoe-throwing from where I was at, by people who swore up and down that they had no shoes to throw or any desire to throw shoes. Feeling in between shocked and unsurprised by this.
Praying that shoe-throwing in my direction will stop. Eventually.
I might fall asleep half way through this chicken….(not because of the blog or anyone’s replies obviously just because my body is yelling sleep!)
The hard:
– tired, been doing lots of stuff + lack of sleep + allergies
– bringing on the irritable
– my cash card getting eaten by an atm and the incredibly rude and unhelpful bank staff
– tattoo appointment being rearranged for the end of the month
The good:
– excellent day on Saturday in London – bought some cute unusual bits and pieces for a good price, ate delicious food, deiscovered a restaurant that does northern chinese food, drank in a quiet and wonderful old style gay pub in Soho.
– met with a photographic collaborator which went well
– not hating myself for being tired
– sunshine!
– planning a holiday to morrocco
– feeling more confident in myself seemingly with every day that passes
– drinks with my closest girl friend – looking forward to buying her housewarming gifts
Worth being tired for I think.
hahahaha, “flock of bastards” is going to get me through this day! which involves work and possibly a protesting of the westboro church protesters…
The hard:
Mostly that my neck is stuck off to one side so that any movement hurts and I look (to myself, anyway), like some sort of monster. And how chiropractors and acupuncturists are helping a little, but not enough.
The good:
Despite being grumbly and achey-necked, I’ve been surprisingly social. Like: “oh hi person at the bike shop who’s trying to ignore me. Guess what? I’m too charming to be ignored.”
Charming? I didn’t know I did charming.
Plus
Yay for Scootch the hedgehog.
Oh gods oh gods oh gods. Stresstresstresstress!
Death and Destruction month has spilled into August.
This week’s hard:
– The most hard is something I can’t talk about yet, but involves a dear friend’s relapse.
– Negative bank balance. I have no credit cards, so this means austerity.
– The super-stubborn work hellishness continues even further. This week’s hellishness includes crazy clients who don’t understand technical conversations, multiple deadlines impossible to hit, last week’s truculent staff member deliberately disobeying direct instructions, and a brilliant and marvelous staff member having serious outside-work issues for which I can only do a wee bit of help.
– Still no writing. The characters are starting to invade my dreams in unpleasant fashions.
– Those Monday apt renovations? Got yelled at because they didn’t continue past Monday.
– Apartment is filled with stuff I have to pack away or get rid of, and I have no idea how.
– Trying to diet.
– Need an emergency vacation (Havi’s last post) desperately. Can’t because have no money to do so, even if I stayed at home must finish apartment work and pack everything up and get it out.
This week’s soft:
– At least I’m dreaming again, and remembering!!
– At least I have multiple brilliant and marvelous staff members, and they do make management a joy.
– My incredible romance and…
– …My dog keep me sane and happy, where two years ago at this time I’d be a wreck.
– Remembering that I never thought I’d ever have a romance like this one, and being grateful all over again.
– The person renovating the house basically offered control back to me concerning timing of renovations. Renovator is *awesome.*
I am hoping for a surcease of hard! and a surplus of soft and good! for everyone in the creativebeauty realm!
And now that I’ve done me…
Scootch is a great name for a hedgehog! Wif weelil pinkie feets!
@Havi, if I understood Bolivia correctly, I hear you and am in the same “plane-the-other-way.” I have never had a real desire to move to Bolivia either, and I don’t understand why people – even strangers! – are so superinvested that I do. And why some of them get mean about it. (I love being told I’m selfish for not wanting to move to Bolivia.)
@Kerri – hurrah for even more awesome puppets! I love the bounceback.
@Lori – including you for a bit of antidote to left-out-itis. 😉 hugs if you want them!
Oh little sister
It’s just that I read the title of yesterday’s post and remembered that just before I woke up – this morning – that, smoke was coming from the toaster and I was saying dang I “burnt my toast” after prancing around singing Beast of Burden but only this part,
by the Stones. Okay I had to say that. Now I’m going to read and chicken.
The hard and the good all rolled into one
I turned the big fouroh on Monday. I was all dreading it, ready for it to suck and for there to be tears and gnashing of teeth (mine) and and and. While there were literal dark grey moody skies, thunderstorms and tornado warnings, my interior day was sunshine and wood thrush song during sublime playtime that included hawk vision and pileated woodpecker work. Oh mah gawd I’m 4te.
While I haven’t made the kind of progress my overachieving type A wanna be part of me thinks I need to have made on my ‘thing’, I’ve done one better and she just isn’t ready to admit it yet. I made progress with clarity on the fusing of livelihood with the passion of my ‘thing’.
Almost falling off my first galloping horse, yet hanging on and staying mostly upright.
And this is really just all good chicken
I saw a commercially grown chicken fall from the commercial chicken transport truck. It was alive, yet a little dazed and confused. I was rooting for it to make it off the roadway and to the grassy bushy spot. I had to turn before I could see what happened. Upon my return trip, a few hours later, I saw the chicken tucked under a bush for the night – alive and clucking.
GOOOOOOO CHICKEN!
Scootch + Schmoppet= rockin’ good time for video 😉
And many Birthday Gwishes that do come true to you dear Havi!
Hedgehog! Skootch! This reminds me of the time, years ago, when I was December-holiday shopping and saw a stuffed animal display with the sign: “Homeless Hedgehogs — $4.00 each.” Even while part of me was thinking, “Heh. Cute. That’s some clever marketing,” another part of me was thinking, “Homeless?! How many can I afford to rescue? I want them all!”
I adore hedgehogs.
Chickens are pretty sweet, too.
Hard:
–Unthinkingly, I took a step backwards, tripped over a curb and fell about two feet from a loading ramp. Ouch. Luckily, I only sustained minor bruises and scrapes, but my muscles are still Having Words with me over the mishap.
–Also unthinkingly, I reached out to touch a pan handle I should have known was too hot, and burned my finger.
–Tire pressure = mysteriously low.
–Work pressure = annoyingly high.
Good:
–Wrote a new blog post. That makes me happy.
–Got my hair done. Still enjoying the new color.
–Held my own during a soprano sectional in which our voices were being closely evaluated. Ahhhh!
–During a quick one-card Tarot reading, I got the Ace of Cups, and was told, “Love, creativity, and a refilling of your creative energies are all available for you if you simply reach out and grab them! Take the chance!” Yay for intuitive encouragement and inspiration.
Happy Friday, everyone!
I misspelled Scootch’s name. I’m sorry. I hope he doesn’t mind.
How Funky is Your Chicken? (reference to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie. It’s terrible, but I JUST can’t help myself.)
Homeless hedgehogs and falling chickens, oh my. Hugs to everyone. And @Havi – I bet ya look rested & VIBRANT after your Emergency Vacation.
The hard:
-Still recovering from being sick, pretty much dehydrated all the time. Winter be gone!
-REALLY iritated by a few close friends this week. Difficult to see where people are coming from sometimes.
-Inescapable tiredness. Is there something in the air?
-Achy muscles from the exercising.
-Clothes not fitting. How is it that a few SHIRTS can ruin one’s mood, day and entire outlook on life?
The good:
-I am going on Emergency RetroActive Vacation with imaginary versions of Adolescent Beth and Mom! Woot!
-I have said NO to a number of things because, for once, I am taking my me time SERIOUSLY.
-Yummy food with nice ladies. Who laughed at my jokes.
-Saw a great show with a friend and her mom, who I ADORE. She is the sweetest, smartest lady.
-Dance of Shiva DVD came in the mail! I’m gunna be flailing with the best of them!
Lots of joy and laughter and funky chickens!
Congratulations on finding a hedgehog to keep you company, Havi! My band of stuffed animals include some trusted buds new and old. 🙂
The hard: being told I need to see a neurologist ASAP but they have to schedule it, and, you know, doesn’t seem like weekends are an option. He said ASAP dammit!
All the waiting which is not leading to good news. And all of this waiting? Due to their end, not mine. Frustrating.
Being a claustrophobic person confined in an MRI machine.
The good: Hmm. My brother was right: the MRI machine (or as I think of it now, Most Ridiculous Instrument) sounds like old school electronic music and video games (Space Invaders!). The tech and assistants were really nice.
I did not have to call the doctor’s office once this week. Everyone who was supposed to call me did.
4 things I requested from the library came in. More Wonder Woman to read, woo! And a dvd and a book from one of my fave authors I hadn’t seen released before.
I can still do yoga and have been. Even little bits of Shiva Nata here and there. I’ve been remarkably calm this week all things considered. Made it through the MRI without a panic attack. Woo!
Some blue skies here and there.
Hedgehogs are teh cute, for realz. 🙂
Hard:
Every time I think I have a handle on the finances I find out someone needs deodorant or the dog needs dog food.
Panic is not conducive to actually making progress on making teh monies.
A day job would have to pay some major monies for me to even be able to consider it. Fast food or retail servitude is not going to cut it.
Panic.
Good:
Sunny days most of the week.
Studio time!
The supplies my MIL sent me were just what I needed to work on my current work.
Nice visit with my best friend, who reminded me I can get through the scary, because I have done it before.
My new glasses look like they were made for me.
Shleep.
Oh! My Izzy was juried into his first real art show. He is over the moon 🙂 (and it will be our first show together that is not a show at the library)
Crafty Chica has a guest post at my blog on March 9. There will be a giveaway. I am psyched!
Happy weekend!
I never realized how comforting it is to write out my chicken.
The hard:
-Some heartache. Oof. I forgot how all-consuming it can be.
-Thursday, all of it. Crunchy, exhausted, blech.
-Sick doggie.
-Growing pains.
The good:
-Growing!
-Writing… it’s just happening. And easily!
-Level 6. Ahahaha. What a wild, happy ride.
-VPA’s working even though I forgot what they even were 🙂
-Wednesday night. If only it hadn’t let to the aftermath that was Thursday.
-Hope — it really is the thing with feathers. Sigh.
Happy weekending everyone!
Happy Birthday Havi! you don’t look a day over 22. seriously.
Happy Birthday LaShae!
The Good
-Tomorrow I will be home from the Projectizing Rally! for a week. I am so grateful for the opportunity to Rally! Thank you Havi & fellow Rallions! I learned sooooo much! I accomplished soooo much! I did nuttin-at-all on my official project that I thought I would be working on!
-Practiced shiva nata every day since I got home from Rally!, save one (too busy napping with my dogs!).
-Realized that the 2 small projects I started and finished on Rally! day 1 had been the source of an enormous load of inner chatter, and now it’s all quiet on that front. ahhh!
-Loving the amazing feeling that I felt at the Playground & brought home with me, just being myself in front of total strangers, which is as much about the rest of the Rallions as it is about me – thank you y’all!
-Moved some of my stuffies into my office from their hiding place. They are now the Night Shift, whose job is to mind the projects at night. The projects have the right to be their own…beings – stay up all night, projectize, party, whatever. But they can’t bother my sleep any longer. So, the Night Shift handles it & gives me a report in the morning. and it’s pretty much working! (how could it not, when the shift supervisor is a grizzly bear named Worf?)
-Started working with my willful, independent, high prey drive, special needs greyhound on step 1 of a major new thing we’re going to do together
The Hard
-Started working with my willful, independent, high prey drive, special needs greyhound on step 1 of a major new thing we’re going to do together. Clearly, this boy is in my life to teach me something. Let us please figure that out soon, Dude, okay? so we can move on from the hard?
-Beginning to come to terms with the fact that I realized at the Rally! I really don’t like what I do for a living, for money, and the impact that realization is having on me. Some version of me knew it, but now that more of me knows it, it can’t be ignored. now what? & how? & all that jazz. oy.
-Reworking scheduling and calendaring to support ritual instead of todo’s.
-Recommitting to weight loss to get my natural healthy size 6 self back. She’s been buried in size 12 me for too long. I really miss her.
-Missed an important meeting because I set my alarm clock wrong. ouch.
Freakin’ tormenting:
-The question “why not?”, planted in my brain by Havi, in an off the cuff comment that wouldn’t surprise me at all if she has no recollection of saying it. The look in her eyes and on her face when she said it, like she totally believed “why not?”, felt like a whack in the face, in a most loving, non-violent way. Indeed, why not? but now, hmm, really? she could be right? is she right? why didn’t I see that? where do I go from here? how do I go from here? could it really possible? Parts of my brain won’t let me alone on this. I have lovingly given it to Shiva Nata and the Night Shift.
Hey darling’s – blows keeses!
The good
I am getting so much better at noticing anger/resentment/hurt/judgement (those kinda things) as they turn up in my thoughts and my body.
Feeling stretched and challenged by love in way that is good for my soul.
Knowing that if nothing else I’m gonna take time to learn from this experience and figure out how to improve the lines of communication so nobody’s needs feel negated in future – whether or not….
Getting to bed in good time as always. Sleeping deeply again.
Pressing Publish on my last post in spite of ongoing I’m not ready feelings/not good-enufness.
The bad
Being bad tempered, tired, wobbly and unreasonable because of another cold and weird ongoing hunger pangs in spite of food.
Huge, huge, huge shoe. Again. The same pattern/person throwing the huge shoe. This time Me doing more of the observing though it is very, very challenging. Space for Me. Space to watch and see what I need above anything else. Space to learn and grow and know more of myself when I feel the weight of this shoe against me. Space to consider them and how, what I could do differently and what I can do now – or at least eventually.
The feeling stuff. The disappointment, the feeling like the rug has gone underneath me, the hurty anger, all these things. No two ways about it. Hard.
another cold. My third in three months – a little annoying really.
The Hard:
Real Life intruding in Project Life.
Too many nights next to a small child in hospital.
Friends in pain. 🙁
Friends missing, and a friendshaped hole in their place.
Period vagueness and pains and everything times by a hundred.
The Good:
Emergency hospitals exist!
I got the most comfortable boarding bed in an emergency hospital stay ever!
Small child did not need blood transfusion or emergency surgery! Yay!
Lots of support from OMG EVERY ONE!
Project Life will wait for Small Child 🙂
A good night’s sleep!
Small Child bouncing around like a flea!
Life should start returning to normal.
Less pain this morning though still pain. Vagueness mostly disipated.
I have the urge to ‘produce’ again!
The good:
An AMAZING session with Catherine Caine wherein I gave myself permission to do things in my business in the way that feels natural to me, rather then the way “they” say it “should” be done. Ultimately freeing.
Consciously paying attention to feeling good, and having it work – most of the time even.
Magically finishing a computer automating thing I needed to make do what I want – easily!
The hard:
too hard to remember, and not worth the effort to me to try. at least this week it feels more useful to me to just think about the good.
I totally relate to the birthday dread, mine is Monday too. I’ve always liked the 7th, it’s the getting older that sucks, and I’m waaay ahead of you there, but can totally empathize. The good news is that all the hard work and processing starts to pay off and things get discarded and the stuff that remains is pretty good. Anyway, I wish you a birthday you can enjoy in the way you want to enjoy it!
And here I thought that “naming the hedgehog” was gonna be a metaphor for a new aspect of the process, but no, you were actually naming a hedgehog. When I was a little girl in Poland, my mother would take me with her to her ceramics class, and I would carefully and meticulously make clay hedgehogs, gently pulling to shape one quill at a time. Everybody in Poland loved hedgehogs. I’m sure of it. Now that I live in the States, I find the hedgehog to be woefully, broadly, inexcusably under-appreciated. Congratulations on the addition of Scootch. I have a Highland Cow, Horatio Hornblower. I guess I’m saying that I understand. 🙂
Late for chicken (just like the rest of my week).
The Hard:
– The end of the best vacation of my entire life and returning to deal with issues I decided to take a vacation from while I was out of the country.
– Taxing tax issues, including filing away all the paperwork for vacation so well it took two days to find it (ugh).
– Not sure how said taxes will get paid if some income doesn’t start arriving in excess of current bills.
– Adjusting to life without my cat who gratefully died before I had to leave for vacation, but I still miss her.
– Decisions, and monsters interfering with decision processes.
The Good:
– Still basking in the glow of a wonderful vacation where I had the time of my life.
– Memories of the best birthday I ever had (sorry Havi and others but I have been waiting 58 years for a best birthday that would not freak me out; and not one stupid mylar balloon showed up. Yay for insightful gentleman friend.)
– I get to spend everyday with the love of my life; who is unconcerned as to how long it takes to find my true art and life work, if ever since the journey is the important thing.
Best to all.
If Deb is late for chicken, I can be late too. Thanks, Deb!
The hard:
– The second week after Lift Off wasn’t nearly as energized. In fact, it was one big contraction of energy. What’s hard is the expectation that it shouldn’t have been, and the frustration that Expectation dragged in.
– Now that Lift Off euphoria has passed, I’m scared. Can I do this? What is the next small thing? Will people hire me if I charge what I think I’m worth?
-pms. Enough said.
The good:
– When I finally went to do The Task Assigned for the Week, which is rewriting my website, I discovered I had already written much of it and forgotten! Woot!
– I was able to notice Frustration, Expectation and Ms Hormone. They did not hijack me completely.
– shiva nata DVD arrived – I am a shivanaut newbie!
Vv late chicken…
Hard
– Annual leave payout I was anticipating got eaten up by tax office, until I do my return in July and they give it back to me. Grumble whine it’s nooot what I was expeeeeeectiiiiiiing!!!
– Car is making scary, grindy noises and needs to see Dr Mechanic. However, see above. Money juggling is so friggin BORING!
– Friday: finish work. Saturday: body falls apart. Stupid predictability!
Good
+ Talked my What’s The Point monster out of being a dead weight. Yay monster negotiation.
+ Support through ending paid employment and sickness from LomL. Yay having a partner who follows through on promises. #Reassurance
+ Emailed old boss about possibility of casual work. Sounds promising.
+ My friend who usually has ‘issues’ with birthdays had a great day. Happy for her!!
+ Wrapped up job feeling good about handover notes and next steps lists. #mildlyprofessionalafterall
+ The boys are sitting in front of their respective screen based obsessions (as am I) being some dumb x-box game (15yo) and youtube trombone concertos (4yo). I love them and they are very cute. xxxxx