In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Friday! Oh, Friday!
I’m so glad you’re here.
The hard stuff
The overdoing-it headache.
Yes, the overdoing-it headache that comes from overdoing-it.
I have officially overdone-it.
Ow.
Too much to do when all I want is to be out in the sun..
Note for the almanac section of the Book of Me:
Working yourself ragged in April is sooooo unfair. Change your life somehow so that you can get out and walk more because not doing that is horrible!
Okay, I’ll probably need a better plan that that, but it’s all I’ve got for now.
Big delays with the Shiva Nata iPhone app.
First some issues with the graphics and now I have to re-record all the audio.
Luckily our designer and programmer are both being amazing and patient with all of this. Still, this is a giant project.
And since it’s more of a symbolic biggification project rather than something that is actually going to be bringing in the monies, it’s kind of frustrating to be spending even more time on it after I’d thought we were so close to done.
Ugh, pesach is so disorienting.
And you have to always be home or there’s nothing to eat. Of course there’s nothing to eat at home either because you’re so sick of the two and a half kinds of food you’re allowed to eat.
And there’s still ages of it to go. Bah, bread of affliction, say I.
Not being able to dance.
First there was a hurt ankle, then some other stuff going on.
It makes me the crazy!
The good stuff
A silent mini-Very-Personal-Ad answered.
Last week I was writing all this stuff about how I want lots of tiny, cute little decoration things for the Playground, and also more display cases for items in the Toy Shop.
And then guess what happened?
Portland’s largest garage sale.
Timing was perfect. We got what we needed, got out quickly and (astonishingly) didn’t panic.
The fourth ever Shiva Nata teacher training!
It’s happening! In September.
We just announced the new teacher training yesterday and it’s been filling up quickly.
The last one was the most amazing experience, and I can’t wait for September.
I was wrong. Yay.
Oh, the many things that I am wrong about.
This week: two different occasions where something I had originally assumed had to be a flying shoe turned out to be not a shoe at all. As so often is the case.
What a relief. And a wonderful, useful reminder to find out what someone means before getting hurt.
In the zone! Like you would not believe.
Thanks to ridiculous amounts of Shiva Nata. And to the Deguiltified Chicken Board at my Kitchen Table program.
I used the Chicken Board to get so much done this week. I also turned all the Timbers chants into chicken cheers. Chicken cheers!
… When I root I root for the Chicken!
… We are mental, we are green, we are the greatest Chicken supporters that the world has ever seen!
… Burn, destroy, wreck and kill! Havi’s Chickens bloody will! Whoahhhh! Whoahhhh!
It worked. So much progress was made, and this is a really big deal because I have been so stalled on a number of projects. Action! Destuckifying!
Which lead to massive getting stuff done.
At last week’s Rally (Rally!), I did a lot with the theme of CONGRUENCE (a Hiro-ism).
And this congruence thing combined with Dance of Shiva apparently turns me into some super duper energizer bunny, as it happens.
Because this past week I’ve been singing and bouncing around and generally having more energy for doing stuff in the business than I’ve had in months.
And then I rewrote the Shiva Nata teacher training page, the Shiva Nata about page, edited the entire Playground website and made all sorts of adjustments to this website as well.
Whee! The people.
Most importantly, I replaced my old Is This You page which I’d never liked with Whee the People — something I’ve been wanting to do for two or three years now but was totally stuck on.
Appreciation to @copylicious for the name. And to @Makeness for reminding me of the existence of my Twitter landing page, because then I re-worked that as well.
Kneidelach.
Yum.
Also: thanks for the emergency delivery of farfel and pitzuchim!
How neat is THIS?
The fabulous @blondechicken went and named a yarn after me. And it’s beautiful.
We have heat at the Playground. Finally.
It involved a giant crane and shutting down the entire street, but at least now we don’t need all those space heaters. The ones that trip the circuit breakers that live in our neighbor’s office. Yes.
Deep sign of relief.
So excited for the next Rally!
It’s all about destuckifying patterns to get more done on your projects. We’ll be doing lots of shivanautical flailing (great for beginners and people who have always wanted to try this) and lots of getting stuff done.
I am so ready for this one. Rally!
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week I’m proud to present:
Insufficient Underthings
That’s kind of what they sound like too. Except that it’s really just one guy.
And some of the lovely things I read this week.
- Love this! Somebody make me one.
-
Here is a beautifully true statement:
“Exercise should be joyful movement. It should make you feel good, and free, and powerful.”
-
This piece from @elizabethhalt: I believe in kindness but i was never kind to my body.
-
And Quakebook is here — get a copy and send lots of appreciation to our @sandrajapandra for all she’s done to make this happen.
That’s it for me …
Of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
The hard:
– This silly sickness that makes me feel awful but look totally normal, resulting in me not feeling like I’m justified in the feeling awful.
– Outsider syndrome. Big time.
– I’ve been quite whiny in general. Related to both of the above.
The good!
– Oh my gosh. So many wonderful birthday surprises. Including loads of good wishes, and even the most beautiful cards EVER from Elizabeth!
– Tutus. I love wearing them.
– Flowy clothing and stretch pants. I feel so very…bendable.
– Lots of writing happening, even if it is totally scary to actually DO the writing, thanks to Amna’s writing group of genius brilliance.
– Finally got back to the Shiva Nata last weekend, and wow. I had to stop doing dishes five times to run and jot down epiphanies.
– Jigsaw puzzles! I feel like a grandma, and I really, really like it.
Happy weekends to everyone!
“Working yourself ragged in April is sooooo unfair. Change your life somehow so that you can get out and walk more because not doing that is horrible!”
The only thing I would change is to add March to this statement. The past two months have really, really been too much and I have to figure out a way to stop living like this because it truly is horrible. Blah.
The Hard:
– See above
– Group projects – coordinating everyone’s schedules is tough
– Losing more favorite residents to the Grim Reaper. Ugh.
– Rainy, cold, and 20 degree below average weather
The Good:
+ 4 days off from work!!!! Working for a faith-based institution does have its benefits.
+ Flowers EVERYWHERE!!!
+ A good group of classmates to work with on these evil projects
+ Taxes are DONE!
Happy weekend and happy holiday!
Friday! So happy. Stupid bank holiday here which means all normal Friday stuff is turned up and claustrophobic. Bleugh.
The hard stuff
I’ve been having pains in my forehead that aren’t headache or migraines.. wondering if it’s related to an “overdoing-it headache” because I’ve been working like a.. ferret, this week.
Too hot. Too too hot. My body cannot survive in temperatures above about 70 degrees. I gave up drinking water and actually had a cold shower. Too hot and stuffy 🙁
I discovered I can’t use my new teaching venue on weekends. More people could make weekend times than weekday. Trying to find a way round this.. have emailed many people..
It’s a bank holiday weekend until tuesday.. this means no one will check those emials until tuesday. Gah.
Dissertation thesis is due in LESS THAN 2 WEEKS and my tutor who has my draft is conveniently in Germany and unable to check her emails over Easter. It’s DUE IN ELEVEN DAYS! Still awaiting draft-feedback!!!!
GAH
Running out of time. -sobs in corner-
The good stuff
I did have a productive day where I finished draft 1 of my introduction, draft 2 of an essay and got halfway through my other essay [which is due in 5 days; oops].
I’m back to Brighton on Monday and I get to stay there until AUGUST. SO so so happy. Away from parents and able to live my life; b the sea, in summer! Huzzah!
Interest in Shiva Nata
– I have 4 classes booked which people have said they’ll attend; another “i want to come but working out dates” session in the works too. People have been very supportive and i’m so very excited!
Noticing Patterns –
Some time this week i thought “sod my block with level2, lets try LEVEL SEVEN” and I did. And then i looked at the theory for 4 and 5.. and realised what i’d missed about Level 2 [which caused the stuck].
Soooo glad this came before I begin teaching because it was such a crucial thing; i cant believe i missed it!
– also noticed patterns in my “taking-things-personally” pattern and realised I want a pygmy goat [and those are related, yes.]
Making a shivanata playlist and going to practise daily until my dissertation is handed in. then hopefully i’ll keep it up; but right now the epiphanies are key.
Happy holiday to anyone celebrating anything this weekend. 🙂
This week has been like a living yin and yang – the first part, not so good, the last few days insanely awesome.
The hard:
– conjuctivitis and feeling ridiculously tired and ill and miserable and not able to do anything
– but still having to go to work
– not being able to do yoga/dance/shiva nata and feeling horribly stagnant
The good:
– everyone at work has been in such a good mood – like the last week of term at school
– red hair red hair red hair
– finally feeling better which meant that I:
– metup with my best friend for the first time in a month. How did that happen?
– music! movement! when it happened it felt soooooo good
– my cousin is visiting for the long weekend
– much delicious food has been eaten
– listening to loads of audio stuff from the kitchen table was the only good thing that came out of not being able to look at a screen or read a book last weekend
– glorious glorious spring time – flowers in the park are so beautiful
– a baby idea has received a surprisingly large amount of enthusiasm and support – it may hatch!
– the whole ‘let-go’ thing – very interesting
Have glorious weekends, beautiful holidays.
This week has been craptabulous. So maybe a chicken will set things straight?
Hard:
-Food poisoning for me. Boy howdy did that suck.
-Little Bird goes straight from birthday party to ER and ends up admitted for 2 days. I believe we now can officially say the girl has asthma. Suck.
-Run-downness from living in hospital wears down my immune system and I land a nasty chest cold. Yuck.
-The nonunderstandingness of the usual suspects and related shoes.
-Graaaaaaaay for too many days in a row. Stokes the muse-tended fires, but not so good for the happies.
-I think I’m getting a wisdom tooth, only it’s not so wise in arriving on top of the medical expenses already incurred.
-Some sort of sick-sounding bird (a starling I think…what else can sound so awful?) has been wailing outside my window all day.
Good:
-At least it wasn’t a puking-more-than-once illness?
-Now that we are starting to see the patterns (patterns!), we can set up a defensive line and keep the Little Bird healthy.
-Due to oft-repeated illnesses for me in past 6 months, am now paying close attention to making my body happier. A good thing, even if it is a pain and makes inner-teen-me want to scream and eat an entire box of chocolates.
-It’s spring. Even if it’s rainy.
-That bird is having a worse day than me.
I think Whee! The People is marvelous and beautiful. I did decide to transcribe a favorite part of the old This You? page — the part that begins, “You have a job that’s good for the world but you secretly want to be doing the thing…” — in my journal, to remind myself that I need to protect my inner wild-‘n’-crazy artist from being overwhelmed by my inner therapist. (Dammit.)
Okay. Chicken!
Hard:
–Massive sleep deprivation. Even when I went to bed early, I had trouble falling asleep. Gah.
–Not sure if it’s seasonal allergies or a spring cold, but there’s a bunch of gunk coming between me and my voice. Every time this happens, a part of me fears that I will never be able to sing freely again. Maddening.
–One of my committee members wants a hard copy of my dissertation proposal, which he is completely entitled to have if he requests it, but which does mean I have to have the thing ready two days earlier than otherwise, to allow for mailing time.
–Things I’ve been dreading for weeks are coming to a head now.
Good:
–Things I’ve been dreading for weeks are coming to a head now. It’s a relief in some ways, and helps me believe that This Too Shall Pass.
–Had a long and lovely day trip to the Smithsonian with my daughter. It was, among other things, a very satisfying exercise in mutual sovereignty. We saw the things we wanted to see, and didn’t feel any pressure to do more than we felt like doing.
–Enjoying springlike weather in all its infinite variety.
–Got a lot of new visitors and Twitter mentions on my latest blog post. So lovely and so deeply appreciated!
–Doing more Shiva Nata lately, and loving that fizzy feeling.
Okay, weekend, please be good to me (and to us all). I promise to meet you halfway!
Hard has been mostly finding my next gig. One that I can support myself and my dogs on. One where I’m not settling on less $ just to get the gig. One where I don’t have to compromise the me of me. It’s taken way longer than I ever thought it would & has been a yucky hard.
Good
It seems right gig has finally shown itself to me, and though the deal isn’t signed, it really does seem that it will come to pass. at the $ I really wanted. without having to give up my other commitment that, though it brings very little $, is actually what I live for.
Shiva Nata & words: several weeks ago, I started doing Shiva Nata horizontal and vertical spirals to these phrases: right gig is here (h) and i am worth theBucks (v). A bit weird in the reverse, but I focused on intention. At the same time, I was running these words in level 1 h: recognize, choose, surrender, receive and v: love (1&3), fear (2&4), because for me, fear and love are 2 sides of a coin. Some interesting body poetry. Some interesting bings and zaps. I choose to believe that the resulting brain reconfiguring helped me see this gig as being for me and helped me be strong as to what I needed from the gig. amazing, yet scary stuff. but that’s ok, I can love my fear. good!
Wow, this has been an amazingly eventful week.
Hard:
– Getting rejected over and again by potential housemates re: “my money situation.” When, in fact, I am pretty much the best bet for paying rent on time you’ll *ever* find. Their opinions make no logical sense! So not being seen for that.
– The long experience of driving around Portland to get rejected in new and different ways by new and different people. Plus lots of lostness. And waaaay too many phonecalls.
– My neck still hurts. Always. For months now.
– Someone I love acted so confusingly to me that I never want to go back to their business again, but I also want to give them a chance to explain, but GAH confrontations.
– Drama in choir.
– My teleclass recorded funky (like, lost ten minutes of me talking) and I’m too heartbroken to deal with it.
Good:
– COLLABORATING WITH SARAH BRAY AND HER FABULOUS TEAM FOR A NEW WEBSITE AND BRANDING! YES YES YES YES YES!
– Related: all kinds of twitter and link love from famous people, and several e-mails asking my expert opinion on Shiva Nata, of all things. So much fun.
– My friend called with no prompting and offered to drive up to see me! Looove!
– Finally got my awful haircut fixed. Now it can grow out in relative peace and I can stop wearing headscarves. Not that there’s anything wrong with headscarves…
– Lots of walks out in the sunshine.
– It seems I might have found a ridiculous but ultimately awesome living situation. It’s becoming more definite by the day.
– Kick Start Your Practice is over and done. As soon as I sort out the recording, I can take a week’s break from it before I start working on the much improved second version.
Hard:
* friend’s father died unexpectedly
* client sending excuse instead of payment
* mysterious aches
* feeling crowded by iguanas
* zits. Does it ever stop with the zits?
Good:
* invited to participate in a reading. With honorarium. \\happy dance//
* significant progress on assorted Things to Do
* lovely lunch and looking-at-Faberge-eggs with mom-in-law
* strangers smiling back at me when I smile at them
* The Best Thing I Ever Ate. I don’t get cable at home, so I’ve only just discovered this show. Chefs gushing about food make me ridiculously squeeful, and it making the minutes on the elliptical sneak past me is even better.
* speaking of food: Italian dressing. Never had a yen for it before, but have been craving it lately.
* even on a sloggy week, I got some writing done
Wishing everyone help with their hards, and huzzahs for the good.
Oh, this week…
The Hard: being stuck in a position of having to make calls which I find really stressful and having all my messages be fruitless. So I have to call again. Tried the front desk yesterday and though she assured me someone was getting my messages and would get back to me (which I’m sure she believes), it felt like the most deft blow-off ever.
Then of course, there’s the waiting around for the phone to ring which is also stressful. It’s messing with my sleep.
In theory, I know that no one can make me feel a particular way. But, dude, in practice? I am reacting to stimuli/the lack thereof, i.e., stupid phone calls.
Wish doctors did email (though I get what a quagmire that could become).
I’d been looking forward to this week, but all the anxiety has sucked a lot out of it. Also have not been able to concentrate much at all on my Thing. Feel so far behind.
The Good:
Hit the bank at the perfect time-no waiting-even though it was lunch hour.
Took a ride and saw sheep, chickens, ponies, pygmy goats!, and loads more sheep – tiny black ones so cute!
Dr. Who starts up again tomorrow. Cougar Town started up again this week.
2.5 to 3.5 hours from now, whether the call comes or not, I can chill out because no one from the office will call over the weekend.
Went for a brief walk today.
My balance seems a bit better this week. Quad/hamstring/calf stretches seem to be helping.
Played some DDR this week.
Remembering to breathe.
The Hard.
-Breakup with my partner of 7 years. On the phone, while I was out of town. We still live together. Yesterday was his birthday. We don’t know how to react to each other. It’s in transition (to what, I’m not sure, there;s still the possibility of rebuilding things), it sucks. He hates me and loves me at the same time. He can hardly talk to me without bringing up The Stuff I Did, but he makes my bed every night. I love him and am frustrated at the same time. It’s a Big Huge Hard.
To deal with it, I am being conscious of my eating so I don’t turn to food as I have in the past. I am concentrating on self-care, and I am doing some cool stuff that I’ll list below.
-I was in a mild car accident on Sunday. Everyone is OK, but my car got smashed pretty bad. Partner was driving and he has insurance, so I’m pretty sure I’m not liable for the other cars involved, but I don’t have insurance on my car. So I’ll probably get no money for my car. Which I had been planning of selling to finance my Spain trip.
-If I can’t go to Spain this summer, and maybe even if I can, I’ll probably not be able to graduate until Spring 2012. Which will put a huge cramp in the attempt to restore my love relationship.
-Schoolwork overload.
-My period coming a whole week earlier than I expected. Still adjusting from being off Hormonal Birth Control.
The Good.
+Taking myself to Farmer’s Market. Getting a neato Steampunky henna tattoo on my hand, Just Cuz.
+I have been calm, honest, and communicated clearly during my hard conversations with my partner and the insurance people.
+Wednesday Trivia Night, and going to Buck Night after. Meeting new people and making good friends. A friend’s parent coming with us to the bar and buying all our drinks. Ultra-competitive air hockey games.
+Going to my first Passover seder, a multicultural event put on by my campus Hillel. Yummy free food and new experiences.
+Getting invited to another seder, tonight, with the local Havurah, aka “The Cool Jews” (friend’s words, not mine).
+A positive intern review which made me feel good about what I’ve been doing, and reminded me of strengths I don’t often think about.
+Doing some work at the Recycling office, which I did years and years ago (but quit). Impressing my former (and possibly future) boss with my willingness to do whatever is needed. Getting the courage from that experience to apply for some positions in the Sustainability department which are year-long, and exciting possibilities for me.
+Blanket fort with wine at my house tonight. Just me, two of my closest friends, and my cat. Woohoo!!!
Oh, Friday. I am actually waiting anxiously for two Fridays from now, when this spring will officially be Done.
The hard this week:
-I no longer know what I’m going to be doing or where I’m going to be living after July. I had a job lined up and it sort of disappeared.
-Having a plan has been one of the things keeping me sane this year. Oh dear.
-Urgent things when I am not in a position to cope with urgency. Worry.
-End of spring. More giant exams of doom, for which I’m underprepared. Bugger the timing.
-Just feeling sort of murky, like I’ve got on a scarf that’s way too big and I can’t see half the world. None of the usual stuff is helping. Yuck.
The good this week:
-I’m stable financially for a pretty good while and I don’t have any dependents or other commitments. It could easily be so much worse.
-I have air conditioning and a dehumidifier and they are working splendidly.
-I am well stocked with chocolate, and bought myself flowers.
-I have the luxury of being able to take a nap if I want, and I think I may just…
Luck for everyone’s weekend!
Love the link on joyful movement. I’m really proud of feeling comfortable enough with my body to listen to what kinds of movement it likes and doesn’t like, without (too much) judgment. Yay biking!
Hard:
-Our seder was so much work, and so stressful and running-behind-schedule. I think my friends enjoyed it, but it really knocked me flat for the whole day afterwards (and I didn’t even have any wine!)
-Sleep weirdness everywhere. Sleeping all day on Tuesday, then waking up early and after too little sleep on Thursday. I’m hoping I’m back to equilibrium now?
-New England is being so reluctant to be Actually Spring. Sick and tired of being so cold.
-I feel like I’ve been riding a wave of excitement and inspiration with my jewelry stuff for a couple of weeks, and that wave is receding now. Less excitement and confidence in my stuff. But the convention vending is still staring at me in the face (two weeks away), whether I’m ready or not.
Good:
-Knowing some strategies from last time for weathering the lack of enthusiasm. I already have a list of less-inspired tasks that I’ll enjoy in a purely mechanical sort of way. I think I know how to be gentle with myself and tend the garden of my art even when I’m scared and unsure of my inspiration.
-Made a custom order form on my website! I’d been unsure of how to do it for so long, and then I figured it out, and I think it looks and sounds awesome.
-Day job concentration/productivity/motivation improving. (Definitely need to sort out my fears about the day job and the art being a zero-sum game, though. I know in my heart that they don’t have to be!)
Have a good weekend, everyone!
Another Good: If I am able to get funding to go to Spain, I *will* be able to graduate in Fall. Yay!
Love your rewrites, particularly Whee! The people – really encapsulates how I felt when I first cane here, and makes sense of it all in a fun, welcoming and very Havi-ish way. Also, do I detect that you like Eloise? 😉 That gives me sooo much joy.
The hard:
New job! It’s hard and I’m working overtime and making mistakes and there are so many balls to juggle! But I love it.
Eating disorder stuff coming up like crazy as I prepare to try and lose weight sensibly for the first time in my life.
Feeling far from God and failing to pray, at Easter no less!
Really irritable and panicky from having upped my drug dosage.
Not doing Shiva Nata, not journalling, not doing all the things that I know will help.
Housemate announcing that her mother may move in without warning. I like the mother, it’s just the ‘without warning’, and the fact that we only have two bedrooms!
Being dynamic and professional(ish) at work and failing and flailing (not the good kind) at home. How can I be so different in different situations?
Doing something so bad I can’t even say it here. Again.
Monsters making a fuss about my spending a social weekend with friends.
The good:
New job, new boss, love love love. It may be hard but I actually think I can do this – a big relief after fretting horribly before I started.
Preparing to lose weight sensibly for the first time in my life.
Realising that losing weight won’t make me okay with my body, but it may be possible for me
to become okay with my body by doing a lot of work on my stuff.
Counselling starting Tuesday!
Housemate being caring, supportive, and sweet and feeling more like a good friend than she has in a long time.
Getting paid way more than I was expecting.
Making tentative steps towards including more destuckification work (or destuckification play) in my life.
Positive feedback.
The upcoming weekend with friends, whatever my monsters think.
Whee the People is genius.
This week’s hard:
– Miscalculations.
– I lost track of a couple of things I promised to a couple of people a few weeks ago. Trying to get my head in the right space to deal with those things.
This week’s mixed good/hard:
– Last week’s declaration that this week would be a week off was thwarted by an e-mail not fifteen minutes after I wrote that asking me to take on a rush editing project for a relatively new client for whom I’d like to do more, so of course I said yes. It ended up having a little higher frustration level that I had planned for, and I miscalculated which of the 24 chapters would be the worst. I usually tackle the worst first to get it out of the way, but the couple I thought would be a breeze and thus saved for last took five times as long as I alloted for them. So I was up until 2 a.m. last night finishing up to get everyting there by this morning’s deadline. I hate when that happens. Still, this client pays by the hour, and it’s going to be a nice chunk of bonus change. And the project that was supposed to start Monday is delayed again, so I *will* get a little time off next week.
This week’s good:
– The hellebores I bought on clearance last year are blooming spectacularly outside my office window. That little garden makes me so happy.
– A little a-ha moment, the seed of an idea. Jotting down some notes and questions about it to see where it goes.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
Back from a long chicken hiatus…
The hard:
+ Sick. Why must I get sick when I am oh-so-busy and also I’ve invited all the relatives over for the holiday? This sucks.
+ Customers sending me bug reports for things I don’t want to work on or deal with.
+ I’m SO ready to LOVE this new customer but their slow payingness is making me feel kind of meh about them instead.
The good:
+ Ha! Taxes were done, on time. Take that!
+ Despite the evil sickness, I did some kind of exercise every day. Even if it was only 10 minute yoga stretches. Sparklepoints for me! (By the way, that makes 35 days straight! I think we can officially call this a habit. Booyah!)
+ I seem to be over the worst of the coughing and sneezing. Now my only goal is to keep from giving it to visiting relatives.
+ Remembering that I need to not go all avoidy-pants on the stuff I don’t like doing. I need to just hold my nose and do some of it. I feel SO MUCH BETTER when I stop avoiding and start doing. Already crossed one avoidy thing off my list. Hurray!
The hard:
– Mercilessly attacked by PMS.
– Hearing of four cases of cancer in friends’ families.
– “In a minute there is time. For decisions and revisions that a minute will reverse”. Spending too much time on banal decisions.
– Holiday coming to an end, feeling guilty about the people I have not contacted.
The good:
– Serial napping possible because I am on holiday.
– New haircut.
– Socks / coat / gloves / woolen scarves not needed any more.
– Breathtakingly beautiful spring blossoms.
– A pedicure.
– Lots of yoga = happy back.
I thought today would never get here. Such a long week. And still no bread.
Hard:
No bread. Or really, no cake. Because it is PMS week. Who picked this timing? SO hungry.
And pizza ads *everywhere*. Groan.
Rain. Rain. Rainrainrainrainrain. We were flooded in for two days.
Missed a deadline for a new gig. I wasn’t that jazzed about it, but it was exposure, experience, yada yada yada.
Good:
Rainrainrain means that it is actually warm enough that for the first time in several years all of the blooming trees are getting to stay bloomed instead of getting fried by frost. The pink ones are really amazing against the cloudy skies.
Violets all over our front yard. 🙂
I did make Monday’s deadline for a feature on someone else’s blog. I am very excited about that one. Maybe this crazy business idea can work after all!
I got my MOO cards and stickers today. SO pretty!
I was able to treat myself to a batch of succulents to make my own succulent garden. I keep singing to them and telling them how much I love them.
10-12 hours in the studio this week (in part due to being flooded in) and I have another fun piece in process on the design wall.
That about covers it. Have a great weekend, y’all 🙂
Yes, whee! the people articulates how I feel about this space. It’s like nowhere else.
What a f***ed up week. Seriously.
The Good:
+Exciting new project at work. Noticing during development meetings that my coworkers are smart, sane, and fair. This is not always the norm, I realized, with my last job.
+Worked from home a couple of days this week (see below), which meant less bumper-to-bumper stress driving and more time with the pets.
+Renewed commitment to better diet with fewer high-calorie indulgences.
+Continuing to make slow but steady progress on foot issue; may be weaning myself from physical therapy, which is good because it was a time suck.
The Hard:
-The biggest hard in a long time. We found out today, after exploratory surgery, that our cat has lymphoma. It has spread, and it doesn’t look good.
-Seeing my bf cry for the first time with this news. Wrecks me.
-Fearing what the next few weeks/months ? will look like with kitty being sick. Can I handle more grief in my life?
-A transformer blew near work and so had to work from home one day. That felt weird.
-The woman I tutor uncharacteristically didn’t show up to our session this week. It felt so strange not knowing why for a few hours.
-Everything feels out of whack – my head, my heart, my mind.
Love whee! the people !
The hard:
-A bit too much swirliness–wanted more progress.
-Missing my dad.
-General nostalgia. aaaaa, the angst.
-Not getting along with my doggie. Sometimes we are too stubborn for each other. And then I feel like a terrible person because, hello, it’s a doggie. Caesar would be so disappointed.
-Daydreaming that turned into… dissatisfaction. Blergh.
The good:
-A good haircut. Once you’ve had a bad one, this always feels like dodging a bullet. Phew!
-Yoga. So much yay!
-Loosey goosey Shiva Nata. I had no idea. Epiphanies!
-How much that little boy loved that duck. I want to love ducks that much!
-Time off. Sunshine. Blooms! I like living here at the moment 🙂
The Hard:
All the stuff that led to the curled in a ball sobbing.
The Good:
Being demo-girl in yoga class for handstand and forearm stand. Things that were only a twinkle in my eye a year ago.
Some breathing room.
Some new options.
Some whimsical times tonight.
the hard:
friends and loved ones having a lot of awful things happening
no money coming in
crappy, cold, gloomy weather
not happy with the amount of time spent procrastinating
bad weather=3 days in a row of not running
made bad eating choices all week long
the good:
went to a trivia night with friends not seen in years… and won!
did get in two days of running
*noticing* the bad eating choices and the procrastinating time so that I can make better choices soon
finished an art object that had been sitting for three years
will get to hang with my sisters on sunday
someone I thought was out of my life seems to not be
blogging more
a new friend
Whee the People is awesome!
The Congruence thing is so important. My sweet mare bucked me off three weeks ago because I was not congruent with her. If I am upset about something, I have to tell her all about it and not put a fake smile on my face cuz we are in a public barn. Animals know.
I love what you said about sometimes a Flying Shoe is not really a Flying Shoe. That happened for me yesterday. YAY!
The Hard:
Almost getting a ticket last night, until the officer saw my dog in the passenger seat and gave us a pass. I do not need another ticket. The lesson: Don’t forget to transfer my insurance and registration when I change handbags.
The Good:
Finding a Magical Hidden Passageway. YAY!
THE HARD
– Marriage. Or at least my marriage.
– Not being at Rally! and watching all the productivity dribble away
– And not having ridiculously hard Havi Shivanata everyday
– Pain. A lot of it. And trying not to freak out that moving is so hard and my body feels like it’s a squillion years old
THE GOOD
– I moved my body everyday
– I treated myself really well with the right food
– The URL for my new website was avail
– An old patient said something lovely about me
– new flip flops with sparkly jewels on them
I am just in awe at the wisdom of the people who comment here. I visit your blogs as well as reading what you write here. Wow. And yay!
A mixed week: the hard that is also good: cataract surgery, which was not as hard as I thought it would be, but I’m restricted and that bothers me more than I expected.
Sleeping a lot, which is good, but the sleepies come on suddenly and I just have to stop! And sometimes I don’t want to!
Progress on getting my workroom and studio arranged but I’m getting to a place where the surgery-induced limitations will make me stop.
The workroom and studio arranging was a project that I started a long time ago and put on hold so I could do something else which I then put on hold so I could do something else which… I put some things on hold so I could do this. Which is good, but the pull to do the other things makes it hard.
Recognized a most subtle monster that lurks quietly and makes itself felt in insidious ways, often sounding so much like the voice of reason…
Identified some things that are missing from my life. But I don’t yet see how I can put them in place. Is a puzzlement.
Definitely Good:
+ A friend fixed some computer problems for us.
+ My husband was not put on bedrest.
+ My friend who has stage 4 breast cancer got some good news about her prognosis.
So, everybody, have a great what’s-left-of-the-weekend. Hope and hugs for the hard, and yay for the good. And better times next week.
Hard
– Arguments and trauma and PTSD and if onlys and sadness
– Being stuck. Getting unstuck.
– Low energy. Pretty sure it’s because I had a course of antibiotics a couple of months ago and went back on the pill and haven’t had any probiotics and have been succumbing to every craving created by the bad bugs. Bastard bad bugs.
– Feeling daunted by the prospect of implementing good-bug building, gut-healing diet for our family. No grain products or starchy vegetables or sugar for a year.
Which leaves meat, eggs, dairy, vegies and fruit. It should feel like it will be fine. But it doesn’t. It feels terrifying.
(It’s called the GAPS nutritional protocol and makes ABSOLUTE sense and all the pieces fit and I BELIEVE it will help with my little lad’s autism and other health issyous (including my lightweight but chronic ones). Anyone else tried it? Success stories?)
– Society. The world. Global warming. Everything that is not right. Will we ever figure it out? I need more cotton wool so I can just do my bit and feel like it’s enough. I get so daunted by the enormity of it all.
Good
+ Writing and getting unstuck and insights. Good ones. Helpful ones. This is big.
+ Little lad’s confidence to experiment and shape the words he knows into sentences that express what he means is growing. This is huge.
+ PTSD is ?healing? maybe? Dare I hope?
+ I’ll reiterate about the good and useful insights and epiphanies because they were really that good. Well… they were big on theory which is what I love best. Now have to actually APPLY the theory in real life.
+ Learning to trust (the Universe, my Self, etc). Learning. Ego has been in charge for so long and it’s very frightened of letting go… It’s a time of adjustment for us. When I can surrender things are all in step and it feels great. But it’s like trying not to think about something so it’s all you can think about. Still learning is growth and progress and movement and LIFE. So, that’s good.
Okay, that whole report only makes sense to me I’m sure. Whatever, I’m okay with that.
See y’all. xx
The good:
Stepped past more “limits” this week than ever before.
The hard:
Realizing that the rewards of stepping past limits are not necessarily immediate.
I think you’re the first person I’ve heard admit to being tired of eating only 2 /12 kinds of food, and I want to thank you for that. Yes! It is tiresome. We are creative people, right, but you can only do so much.
The good:
Learning how to get out of the house again after taking care of my grandma for 3 years. (She just moved to a care home.) I’ve been riding my bike a lot, had coffee with an old friend, and went out to see a film.
The hard:
Worrying about and missing my grandma. She’s doing really well though.
Being overwhelmed by all the things that I can do now that I’m freed up.