In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
It’s Friday? It’s Friday!
Okay. I’ll go along with this Friday thing.
Let’s do it. What happened this week?
The hard stuff
A few seriously unproductive days.
I loathe the word “productive”.
But I am also not a fan of the Great Slump that took over a large part of this week.
Blech.
Difficult decisions.
And not being even slightly motivated to make them.
Sneaky sneaky sneaky HSP.
So I know that crowds set off my highly sensitive person stuff (all the boxes on that page are checked), and I made a conscious choice/experiment to go to the Timbers match anyway.
And I prepared myself. I spent several hours working on my force field, planning my exit strategies and working on things that would keep me feeling calm, stable and grounded.
So here’s the good part the amazing part: it worked!
I was one hundred percent absolutely fine. No freak-outs. No panic attacks. Fine. Nothing short of miraculous.
So I was feeling pretty good about this, and then on the super crowded train going home, I saw a little kid getting squeezed in the crowd and that’s when it all fell apart.
We made it through. No tears. And I got the kid a seat and he was all smiles again. But oh, is there anything more disheartening than thinking you’re safely through the hard and then finding yourself right in the middle of it?
Oh oh oh oh oh..
Please send warm, loving wishes for health and healing to Buster Posey.
The banner.
Okay, this is a mix of hard and good because the banner got found (yay!).
But the gorgeous Shiva Nata sponsor banner that hangs at the roller derby bouts was missing for the past few bouts and I was miss sadface mouse.
Especially since I’ve been doing all this internal work about getting ready to do more shivanautical work with athletes. It seemed to my monsters like a bad sign.
Tee hee! Sign! Banner sign!
The good stuff
Dancing every day!
Yes, dance.
So very good.
I made it through the entire football match!
And enjoyed every minute of it.
I mean, I knew I’d enjoy the match. Was just worried about noise/stress levels and proximity of people. But I prepared and it worked.
That’s a big deal.
Pulling out of last week’s funk.
Not out of the forest but not hating the forest either.
It’s always a good sign when I start mangling my metaphors.
A marvelous weekend of roller derby.
So many good things!
First the Wheels of Justice beat Texas. Yes!
Then I did a hilarious and challenging Shiva Nata warm-up for the team I sponsor.
And yeah, they lost but they SHOWED UP and looked great and didn’t lose by two hundred points, which is awesome because it’s pretty much all new skaters this year and it’s a weird rebuilding year and so on.
Plus GNR had an entire section of loud happy fans, which was a lovely change. And I (picture!) wore my pink wig. As threatened here.
Svevo is coming!
My favorite uncle will be visiting Hoppy House this weekend and maybe into the week, and I am overjoyed.
There will be long conversations, long walks, long naps, homemade bread and sitting in the rocking chair or on the swings.
And all will be good. Because it just is. That is what it’s like being with Svevo.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band:
Hot Cross and the Buntings
They’re playing in town all week. Except it’s really just one guy.
Stuff I’m reading or thinking about this week:
How to break up, according to these fourteen films.
This excellent interview with Rettig To Rumble, who — as it turns out — is hilarious and charming in addition to being awesome, beautiful and terrifying.
How much I love J.J., who sent me (and the Playground) the most wonderful magnets in the world.
Excellent Shiva Nata post from Rose.
I am madly in love with this cat, who is a ninja and a shivanaut, apparently.
And do not click on this incredible site of television tropes (like the Department of Redundancy Department) unless you have a lot of time on your hands because it is Delightful Rabbit Hole City in there.
Wait, how was that not our band of the week? I have no idea. I’m sure Delightful Rabbit Hole City has some good tunes.
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
Oh the skills that one has to build dealing with HSP-ness!
*THE HARD*
– being in a conference with 50 PhD students and 10 professors. Too much information and picking up on everyone’s stress and existential angst on top of my own, all building up to anxiety in my own body.
– Not knowing when the PhD program will be finished and when i can move on – not having any idea/control over the timeline
*THE GOOD*
– Progress! Being better in dealing with a conference than last year. more retreating, less participation. resisting peer pressure & not staying up late.
– the food in Turkey is so very excellent. fresh tomatoes and feta cheese. Yummy.
– Knowing what I want. That’s new!
– Lot’s of secret writing – “VPA’s” and “Advice from future me” 🙂
xxx & love to everyone
Well, it’s technically Friday, so….
*THE GOOD*
-I believe my life is a work of art, and I am currently painting with bold brush strokes, signing my name with a calligraphic flourish and a firm hand
-Success in the boxing ring and being recognized for it
-Critical moment (knockdown) in match occurred as I visualized it, down to the exact corner it occurred
-just drew a rather nice figure drawing, which will be up on my site as soon as I have it scanned or photographed
-finished my portrait of D—— (not her real name) which will be up on my site soon
-ran ten miles so far, with a goal of 15 miles by the end of this week
-My blog has a grand total of 4 subscribers (one of them is me) who want to read about my current explorings and fascinations.
-I have 7 whole twitter followers who actually want to hear about what I find fascinating 140 characters at a time.
*THE HARD*
-training for competition
-I forced myself to run those 10 miles while my entire body ached and was sore.
-I ran those 10 miles in combat boots
-I received a black eye, though it isn’t really that bad.
-I cannot motivate myself to work on a diptych, which I ought to have done by June 1
-There just isn’t enough time in the day to do everything I want to do, including vegetating in front of the television
-existential angst
-it feels like just yesterday I was 18 and about to start a new life where everything would be different. How did time pass by so quickly?
-time goes by too quickly, and my projects progress too slowly, with too much resistance and friction
*BOTH GOOD AND BAD*
-I believe any great art is hard to create; it is the struggle and overcoming that gives it meaning.
-When something is hard and I overcome it, I grow to find I there is more to me than I had at first thought: this is both hard and good.
What does not kill me only makes me stronger.
Vincit qui se Vincit!
That is all,
Aaron Fung
I love people who use the word “loathe” to describe their feelings for the word “productive.” Them is my people.
Good stuff: My sister-in-law graduated from Harvard. As Le Tigre say, I am proud to be associated with her! And so happy to celebrate, something that doesn’t always come freely to me.
Hard stuff: My father-in-law died three days before my sister-in-law’s graduation. Um. Yes. And still, it was very important to celebrate, which we did. Sincerely.
Also hard: have begun learning Shiva Nata. That @#$) is HARD! OMG. In a good way, in a beckoning, promising way. Still, I notice that whenever I start something new like that I tell myself that I’ll be the exception, and show some heretofore unsuspected inborn superextravagantstar talent, and it’ll be easy.
Wow. Fun to see that. And so much better to look something in the eye and say to myself, yeah, this is going to be kinda hard.
The Uncomfortable:
Feeling neglected by my Attache, and afraid to tell her because I’m afraid she’ll fire me or yell at me. And I’m afraid she doesn’t know what she’s doing. And I’m afraid she left everything until the last minute.
That all leads to uncomfortable physical sensations, thoughts that don’t serve me and bad feelings. The good is that those dissipate soon.
I worry that my spacey teeth will cause people to not like me. I worry that I’m old. I worry that I’m fat. I worry that these are fake worries.
The Good:
I joined Match.com. Oh funny and painful and awkward. It gets better right? If this were VPA day I would say “Tell me your wonderful story of Match Love!”
Had a really good tarot reading the other day around love and M dot C. Left me feeling really really good.
Have lots of fun things planned this weekend, and lots of quiet hiding at home with the central AC on too.
I have central AC this year and will not be sweaty inside or muggy or sticky.
Friday. Whee. I have not been here for a while I think. But let’s do this, chickeneers.
The hard:
-Exceeding my budget. Dramatically. Mostly embarrassing this time because I had cushion, but I feel like there’s going to be some hard questions to ask myself soon.
-Being exhausted. Not sleeping well for a variety of reasons (apparently my habit of waking up at sunrise has returned all of a sudden…). Glurble.
-Projects being in the stage of everything going wrong all over the place.
-My legs are no longer accustomed to standing on tile floor for many hours in a day. Ow.
-I did not get anything done on a couple of things that other people expected to have done. I can still stall, but again with the embarrassed self.
-Awkward family issues. Actually it’s more unpleasant than awkward but I’m trying to downplay it a little.
The good:
-My brother graduated! Diploma in hand! They can’t take it back! Not that they would of course.
-I am going somewhere for the weekend as opposed to staying home by myself. That’s exciting!
-I think I may have salvaged the project that I thought was doomed. Also exciting. And though the project ate me, I will later get to eat it. Vengeance shall be mine! Mwa ha ha ha ha!
-Maniacal laughter– it’s good for a laugh. (hee.)
-I’m making an entire pitcher of sangria. I’m only going to share if I really feel like it.
-I get to go lie down for a couple of hours later. Before I try to drive anywhere. Marvelous.
Happy weekend everybody and hugs all around.
The Hard:
Trying to quit smoking – It’s HARD. So HARD. There’s suffering and pain and addiction. I’ve succumbed to the cravings and had two this week. And even though I told myself I NEEDED it both times, I felt guilty immediately after. I know I can’t allow myself to fall into a cycle of guilt and despair, but man. It’s hard.
Feeling unattractive – I’ve felt rather large and unattractive this week. Kind of a lame thing to be whiny about, but it tends to affect other aspects of living.
Alright, enough of that stuff…
The Good:
WRITING!! – I’ve been writing every day for the last few days. You know, like how writers do. I am incredibly excited. I’ve been working on a short story, one that I’m planning on SUBMITTING. If I get in (feel free to cross your fingers for me, World), it would be my first PAID publishing credit and would end up in an anthology by an editor that I really respect and admire.
I kind of don’t want to hope too hard but hey, how many Golden Ticket/Pie In The Sky moments do we get in life? I might as well feel as hopeful as I want to be. And if she sends me a nice rejection letter? That’s okay, because I tried and I’ll have a decent story to show for it.
Support – The fact that I have people both in cyberspace and in real life supporting me in this endeavor is just amazing.
The Hard:
*Struggling with rage. It’s everywhere. Haven’t felt this way in so long; creepy to recognize my own dark passenger may be back.
*Furious that after all I went through to get a kidney transplant and to recover–my new kidney is so damaged from the rejection episodes that I’m back in Stage 4 of End Stage Renal Disease.
*Prescribed yet another new medication for neurasthenia caused by immunosuppresant medications (including steroids, which make me crave sugar and grow new fat cells in knees, belly, and face) so I can nurture the remainder of my new kidney’s 30% function. This brings total to 13 pills in the morning and 11 at night. Resent taking them so much, it’s sometimes all I can do to choke ’em down.
Accidentally discovered one of those yogurt places where you get to dispense the yogurt and goodies yourself. Have had a little yogurt with butterfinger, Reese’s peanut butter cup, snickers, and chocolate chip cookie dough (yes, all toppings in one tub) almost every day. Possible connection to Rage.
Trying on 27 dresses and none fit or looked good. Thinking about bathing suits, requiring a trip to the yogurt store.
The Good:
*Opening negotiations with the Anger Manager who doesn’t think I can handle anger, but is willing to let me ask questions.
*Observing my Rage and taking notes.
*Think I’ve reached my limit with the yogurt.
*My kidney function is stable. I’m asymptomatic so at least no one can tell I’m sick. For some strange reason, I’m ashamed.
*Made plans three times this week that got me out of the house and isolation.
*Wrote this comment.
Happy Chicken!
I’m enjoying the ‘other stuff that’s in my brain this week’ and might take that one on. It’ll help decompartmentalize(!) me a bit, which is a fab feeling.
I’d forgotten how brilliantly funny (as in, DUH YES, ALL OF THIS, HOW DID I FORGET?!) the HSP checklist is… and I might send it to my singing ladies so that 20% of them can have the ‘oh my god that’s me’ moment and some of the rest can realise ‘oh my god that’s you‘ about us.
And just by the by… I had an amazing weekend at an NVC workshop a couple of weeks ago, which partly I wouldn’t’ve been at if not for your bigging it up, Havi. Wonderful stuff.
Chicken!
The Hard
-Having a bad moment of pain and resentment that meant I had to run away and hide until the next morning. Really kind of hate those.
-Eating/exercising. Having trouble finding the balance between being kind to myself for not behaving “perfectly” and still giving my body the support it needs. Or I think it needs?
-Checking the bank balance and seeing a negative number.
-Getting an email from my publisher asking if I’ll be at the next ALA Conference, and can we meet. Having to say no for the 3rd time running. Becoming so paralyzed by the stress of this, and general feelings of inadequacy around the book, that I can’t respond to the email for several hours. Blech.
The Good
-Waking up to discover that pain and resentment had floated away. Huge, huge relief.
-Lounge chairs for the patio – comfy space to enjoy the outdoors – hooray!!! Also a braided rug and a fake tree for the living room. Much more homey and welcoming now.
-Finding out the cross-training program at work that I have strong negative feelings about is being discontinued, effective immediately
-Lots of journaling, something I’ve only ever done sporadically.
Have a lovely weekend everyone 🙂
Friday? This week? Huh. I got nothin’.
No, wait, that can’t be right. Let me think.
Hard:
–Last day at Montessori preschool music teaching gig. It was hard to say goodbye. (I got lots of hugs and loving wishes, though, so there was a kernel of good within the hard.)
–Some moments of family tension.
Good:
–First meeting of the Society of the Secret Play Date! And behold, it was very good.
–I have been handling these moments of family tension beautifully. So grounded, so secure. Yay me.
Wonderful weekend wishes to all of you!
Wow. It’s hard to believe how much stuff has gone on this week. To the Chicken!
The Hard (and Mixed)
-Commencement ceremony awkwardness. But it’s over now.
-Running out of good coffee.
-That One Guy is officially gone from Chico. He left at 6 AM. I cried. It sucks. Good things will most likely come of it, but it’s hard.
-Going to sleep at 1 AM, and waking up at 5 AM. Wasn’t able to fall back asleep. Totally weird.
-Moveout stress from helping him pack and move everything. Resentment because I’m not moving til Monday, and he’s not helping me out.
-The boys put a hole in the f#$%ing ceiling. The other roommate did NO cleaning before leaving. That One Guy promised to do his share of specific tasks, and out of 6, he did 1 1/2. I had a feeling I would get shafted on the cleaning stuff, and I’m not happy about being right.
-Huge money issues, and having to look at what’s behind my money issues. Or at least being told to.
-Being set straight about some stuff by my sponsor. Totally needed to happen, and she wasn’t harsh really, just honest. But it was still hard.
The Good
+Going out last night: dancing at 90s Night and discovering my new favorite bar with one of my best friends.
+Making myself pancakes with real maple syrup.
+Getting on the CPAP machine. Yay sleep!
+Embarking on a new life of doing stuff without being held back by what That One Guy thinks. Possibilities include getting an industrial piercing, staying out all night and crashing at a friend’s house, getting medical marijuana for treatment of an illness I have, and getting woo-woo energy healings.
+I love my cat. Endless cuddling and plenty of playtime this week. She is a comfort and a source of unconditional love that I’ve really needed.
+Getting rid of stuff that I don’t need. It’s a freeing feeling.
Thanks for listening.
What? Friday? Time warp.
Chicken!
The Hard:
– Leaving my Mom and Sister in Mexico. Not enough time with my seester and too much time with my Mom ;0) and really not enough of all three of us together.
– Resentment Monster had a party re: Mom not coming home to attend my son’s Graduation and related festivities.
– Weird non-usual Colorado weather — gloom and rain when I expected/wanted (?) sun and blue skies….which is weird because normally I love gloom and rain.
– Lots and lots of emotional churning around sweet son’s graduation….Where did the time go? Why didn’t I do a better job at parenting? Shame at not being able to pay for his college. Lots of comparing the life that I thought I would have to the one that I actually have had. The pretend one is better, of course 🙂
– Fighting off PANIC Monsters and then, eventually, succombing to them with respect to my ovarian/uterine issues that are scary and weird and are requiring me to have a hysterectomy. My talent for internet research being used for evil!
– Surprising sadness/angst re: notion of having ovaries/uterus removed. I’ve been complaining about my uterus forever, so why the sudden sentimental-ness?
The Good:
– Yay! My baby graduated from High School!
– The brunch after graduation was not nearly as icky as I had anticipated.
– I’m alone! In my house! I had Tuesday and Thursday all to myself and it was awesome.
– Resolution on the annoying/offensive/sad attorney thing…finally.
– Lots of baths! Two weeks away from my bathtub time made me realize how much I need it. I get a lot of thinking done in the bath…
– My brother and his wife went to the graduation with me and they were great. I think I might be friends with my brother again.
– Found cool party supplies for grad party on Monday.
– OMG – orange and pink shoes with sparkly thing. I love them. Just looking at them makes me happy.
Happy weekend to all!
Friday, o glorious Friday, thanks for being here at last.
This week’s hard:
– Craptacular class this morning complete with tears of frustration and new people who didn’t listen when I asked them to just ignore it. All that fussing always makes it worse, which makes me more frustrated, which makes more tears, which on and on and on and on in a spiral of doom.
– A lot of work-work this week, which has taken away from a few personal projects I really need to get a start on.
This week’s good:
– Ninja-ing my way through the work-work, and ending the week actually ahead of schedule on the biggest project.
– Only minor damage — in the garden — from the series of big scary storms this week. I thought for sure we’d end up with a broken window or six from some of the hail we had, but we lucked out.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
Oh what a week.
The Hard:
– Feeling sick. I don’t like it.
– The crazy out-of-nowhere negotiation that happened yesterday. And how everyone thinks that me standing my ground (no I won’t pay you $100 for utilities when my portion is $38) was a major win but I spent the next four hours in bed all shaky trying not to cry.
– Weirdness with my diet and losing way too much weight. And how no one understands that losing 20 lbs in two weeks is *not* *good*.
– Freaking out just about every four hours that this great new person is my life is going to be gone. Even though he’s not going anywhere any time soon.
– The weather
– Planning for travel this summer, when I don’t want to travel but I do want to see everyone. Tough.
The Good:
– My boyfriend! And how he takes me to the best parks, and the arcades, and sushi that comes on trains, and to the Steampunk section in Powells. And how he is a massage therapist and I am going to die of happiness and too many massages.
– Having way more social experiences than usual without feeling that much more freaked out than I ever do.
– Three day “relaxation” totally returned my writing mojo. Crazy prolificness, in between the being sick.
– Really great e-mails and blog comments from people excited by what I’m doing -who want to give me money-. Eee!
Happy Friday!
Huzzah on finding the banner and on the daily dance!
Sad faic over the child squished in the train crowd; that would break my heart.
Is it bad that I have to look at my diary to see what I did this week?
The hard stuff
A LOTS of seriously unproductive days.
My finals are Tuesday and Friday… and my revision has been incredibly stop-start.
Emotional breakdown for no reason.
So many tears and no idea why. Exams, finishing my entire degree next week, planning my entire future.. those may explain it.
Coursework results.
Oh yes, another crying point. I got back my mark for an essay I spent HOURS on; a subject I didn’t like.. and I got such a low mark and it’s worth such a large chunk of my course… I had a mini-breakdown over the maths – i’m not sure I can get the minimum I need to start my Masters in September. Panic. fear. Confusion. Tears. -sigh-
Housemates.
We’re all in exams/coursework time and it’s all stressful and BLEURGH.
-ignores the rest-
The good stuff
I taught another Shivanata session!
With two people this time! So very interesting to see the differences between students when i’ve just two people to attend to yet noticing how people pick up different aspects. Really interesting and they were both lovely; especially as the day hadn’t been going well up til then.
My guest post is up at Shivanata.com!
And mentioned here! Huzzah! This led to a lot of twitter-friends saying hi and some lovely conversations. Again, helped balance out my tearfulness-for-no-reason.
In case you missed it, here’s the link again:
http://shivanata.com/blog/guest-posts/teaching-shiva-nata-insight-and-flight/
I began a new course.
It’s all very hush hush but we had pizza and played name-games and I was very worried and it all went well.
I’ve got my head around action potential and receptor types after FIVE YEARS of trying to get it. Huzzah!
My business appears to maybe be slightly taking off..
I’m a bit tentative at saying this put loud, in case it all falls apart. But I’m not in massive debt at this point and plans for the future look semi-stable.
By this time next week, i’ll have finished my degree.
And then I have novel-write and paint and read, oh read some novels!! so perfect <3
My Gentleman Friend.
He's been so wonderful throughout my low-mood-for-no-reason and I'm so grateful for him.
And that's the week 🙂
Have a glorrrious weekend, and I'll see you all again once I've finished my degree!!
Rose
This week was weird and i cannot pnpoint my feelings about much, but here goes:
-husband quit job. pros: hsuband no longer about to keel over from that stress. cons: just lost around 80% of the income.
-emotional turbulence from above, everythign from relief and elation to sheer panic and THARN!* also yesterday lots of resentment because i am afraid i won’t have a birthday this year so we can, you know, pay the mortgage and stuff. THARN!
-hours down to 32 hours a week at work and worried about not really fidning my niche over there. this requires thought and Flailing.
-decided to skip Flailing and my Morning Sit this week, just to keep the pressure turned up nice and high.
-Shiva Nata still providing bing! and the bing!s are getting bigger.
-but i know i’m about to get too comfy with Level One slow speed and I’m not ready to start on the legs.
-and my feelings this week is now I have ideas, but still so little time to get them all down. that is very frustrating.
But best of all, I’m working on my art today, and it really is the sweetest thing, even if I have to sneak up on it and pounce. Like a Delightful Rabbit into its Hole.
Dragging myself back into a chicken. It’s been a while…
Hard:
-The giant annual project of doom being all doomy.
-Some random hurty bits.
-Blame game on housework. I wasn’t playing along, but still. Sometimes it sucks to just sit quietly while repeating to oneself “his stuff his stuff his stuff…”
-Car still being overused b/c the other car is down for the count. I know it’s selfish, but I don’t like for other people to drive my car. Petty. Whiny. I Know. Still. It’s my little traveling sanctuary, and now it has sticky-soda cupholders, trash on the floor and an empty gas tank. Grump.
-Our mattress has developed a habit of, er…springing leaks, we’ll say. Contorting onself to sleep around the springs is not good. No moneys in budget for new mattress.
-I definitely am getting a wisdom tooth. It’s pointy and hurty, and there’s not room enough here for both of us.
Good:
-The giant annual project of doom is finished again. Clouds part. Angels sing. I dance.
-Fun with wool…never a bad thing.
-I got to cook a few times, and played Pantry Improv. Much fun was had.
-I shouldn’t say this out loud, because when I do things like that, it tends to screw it up somehow in my mind, but I might have a wee little seed of an idea for a Thing. It’s totally geeky, but still. A potential Thing. Holding back on any excitement because my Things don’t like that. They are HSPs themselves, I think.
-It has been cold this week. I’m talking 40s. Love. Lovelovelovelove. Sometimes I wonder if I’m not meant to be Canadian.
-Little Bird is signed up for kindergarten and graduates preschool next week. Freaky, eh? But awesome. Also, her asthma is back under control to the point that daily meds are no longer needed. Yay!
This week has been weird…or maybe this month has been weird. So many transitions.
The hard:
– my job finished today – sadness at leaving some people I got on really well with, inevitable ‘argh!’ when I remember that I no longer have a guarenteed income
– not sure if will be able to do side job as my brother is coming home next week
– general stress about brother moving himself back for the summer – lack of communication, insentitivity. There was quite a bit of stress and what I felt was inconsiderate behaviour when he was here over Easter, but it so hard to communicate with him that I’m not sure how to resolve it.
– boy hangover
(Hmm…interesting that only part of one of these is something that’s actually happening right now.)
The good:
– had an email from dissertation supervisor who sounds lovely, and was totally non-phased when I told her that I couldn’t make the original date for a supervision meeeting as I was going to be drinking vodka and eating nachos
– getting good feedback on my presentation. Apparently I seem very natural, which I find inexplicably amusing.
– the lovely cards, emails, presents and words from the people I work with. And encouragement for the future.
– getting my photo sorting done. So tedious but essential and now my inner Organiser is so happy that all my photos are Sorted Out.
– bought the dress and petticoat of dreams – so perfect!
– leaving drinks today – turned out just how I wanted it
– Having the house to myself for four days.
(Whereas all these are things that are happening right now.)
Have gorgeous weekends!
Hi there, chickeneers, good to read your chickens!
My hard:
– Husband away for work in a place and country that really is not safe. So worried about him.
– The sort of break I am craving is absolutely not in sight, not even remotely.
– No idea how or WHEN to catch up with everyone I want to catch up with.
My good:
– Beautiful weekend with husband, so much closeness, so much love.
– Having an idea for a present for husband and a wonderful silversmith who can possibly turn my idea into reality.
– Receiving gratitude from various people.
Have a beautiful weekend!
How can it be Friday again? There was so much and it happened so fast!
The Hard:
Still plowing through piles of stuff getting ready to move. Harder than last week because losing a document (accidentally boxed) prompted me to stop and throw stuff away on the second time through to look for it. Really, waiting another year is not going to make throwing out cards from your ex any easier and they’re like interlopers from the past.
The Interview about the scuba/swimming/water issues and monsters. In the end it was all good and so much insight and newly remembered information from the past; but there was also a lot of hard, and initial resentment for not being supported in the past, and anger about feeling like a failure in the past.
Cold, cold room assigned to senior yoga classes. Older resistant muscles do not respond well to stretching or changing poses in 63 degrees (and I am one of the younger and more flexible participants). The instructor is also frustrated at the change after being at this center so many years. Tues was a lot of venting of frustration and complaining. Okay, not getting preferred results so need to find a way to cope while asking for what is needed.
The Good:
Lunch with my girls. Even though it rained we still had the sunroom with its awesome view of the yard and garden.
There has been a lot of shifting in the scuba issue since the Interview. Some directly related and other serendipitous. While I was sequestered doing the Interview my friend (the scuba teacher) was getting a series of calls about changes in the class/students for later that day. I came out of the Interview feeling empowered to shift the issue, but thinking this class was too full to join, to find that there are now only two other students; so there is room and even better there is plenty of time to get individual coaching on the hard parts when they come up. And I do not believe the hard parts are magically gone but I have information and support to work through them and keep learning.
Now I’m off to Friday pizza and the long weekend. Stay safe everybody.
Havi’s good: You sound like you made it through the game with enough left over to help the kid on the train! Hard as it was, don’t you think that might just rock a little?
My hard:
Lots of avoidance. Money-related avoidance, which really can carry some heavy consequences.
My good:
Approaching the avoided. I took on two iguanas – persistently asking for an overdue payment, and revising my billing cycle with my slowest-paying client to avoid being owed so much for so long. It felt good to get resolution on the second and answers on the first. (Thinking of them as iguanas does help!)
Happy Friday!
The Hard:
– stormy weather changes are making my knee hurt
– very foggy in the brain on Monday and Tuesday
– moving office buildings at work = lots of files and papers and junk to go through and pack up
The Good:
– greenlight from my institution to pursue a half-million dollar grant project
– getting good at making dumplings
– inspired by work office move = decluttered home office
Cheers to the weekend.
Hard:
-3 doctor’s appointments in 3 days, messing with my sleep schedule
-Accompanying my partner to her grandmother’s funeral, involving squeezing 5 people into a Prius for two four-hour car rides (also family politics)
-Getting assigned to some tricky stuff at work despite my brain being all discombobulated from the above
-Feeling super time-crowded and schedule-claustrophobic
Good:
-Making lovely things for lovely people
-My partner’s wonderful cooking
-Weekend! We’re going to go walk along a pretty coastline, and when we get home, I’m going to take lots of photos of my art for my shop and my website.
-Next week looks a lot less chaotic.
OMG what an awful week.
First and worst: the hospital discharged my husband even though he has a subdural hematoma and a nonstop headache.
I was absolutely unable to make any difference once they decided that he was “okay to go home”, no matter who I talked to.
There is so much willful stupidity in the world!
Feeling powerless is yucky. Panic and fear about what will happen is yucky.
Also hard were the two incidents of falling that caused his head injury and that put him in the hospital.
Anger/rage because of the fear and powerlessness and panic.
Also hard is my son making a stupid decision. He’s an adult and I can’t protect him from himself, and I know that. But it’s still hard.
The Good:
I’m glad that there is some good to report!
My neighbor/massage therapist/friend worked me over and that felt good!
I have a chance to join a writer’s group that is kind of tough to get into. Two of my students are members and they really advocated for me to be invited.
I attended a board meeting and an idea I proposed was enthusiastically adopted.
I read the comments, and then I went back and re-read the good that everyone reported. That was cheering.
The Hard
– Was sick Sunday Monday and Tuesday
– not so much writing this week
– still thinking too much about food issues.
The Good
– Learned I can crochet while sick! Yay!
– did lots of other writing relating stuff. Blog posts ahoy!
– Made some firm decisions about my health.
I have not yet gone to bed, therefore it is still Friday. 🙂
Hard:
* “You’re Not [insert various names]’s Priority” monsters insistently, insidiously present
* “You Will Never Be Free Of [insert various mishegossen]” monsters also lively in the jamboree
* bug bites. Lots of ’em. Gahhhhh.
* many fun options tomorrow, and yet I will mostly likely devote the day to chores
* wishing I had two months for several must-dos that need to be near done within two weeks
* some worry about the dog
Good:
* several albatrosses finally overboard
* …at least, I pushed them off the plank. It still counts even if they plop back on deck.
* made eingemachts (beet preserves) and radish leaf pesto and many salads. Nom nom nom.
* new billable project on deck
* notes and calls from several people I care about
* my sweetie’s new Thing coming along
Wishing everyone help with their hard stuff. Toasting the good stuff.
Chickening is newish to me, but here goes:
The Hard:
My new baby blog. Something weird is going on and I am having trouble figuring it out. I got that #@%* Mac Defender Malware, but believed I got rid of it, now wonder whether someone opened my blog and got slammed by it, unbeknowst to me, as I believed it deleted. I seem to be apparently “blacklisted” (so suggests WordPress) from commenting on several blogs I follow recently. I have been totally kind, respectful, and appropriate, so it feels really awful. Sent an email to a blogging guru who runs a forum to which I belong, asking her what I am doing wrong. Am awaiting her response. Tonight, I seem to have lost my beloved subscribers. Very sad me. Have switched to Firefox and rechecked my computer to make sure I got it all. But I won’t add my webpage link here, just in case. Apple soon coming out with a fix. Argh!!!
Migraine headache every day this week. Waking with them, and spending much time dealing with their aftermath. Am wiped out and take all day to recover.
The Good–Yay!
VPA to find my safe person for working with trauma was answered. Am planning a VPA to find my right bodyworker. Found an interesting lead.
Ordered Shiva Nata goodies from Havi today. Shiva Nata is a stretch for me, as I am really uncoordinated. But I am fascinated by the idea of neuro reprogramming, and can imagine huge benefits. I love epiphanies :-).
My sweet kind beautiful mare was just a love tonight. soft and gentle, and so sensitive and in tune. She is like riding a soft breeze, light and very responsive. She loves and expects pampering :-). I am grateful for every day we have.
The hard this week:
– falling apart productivity-wise on Monday and not really getting it back together until Friday
– much bemoaning of problems and lack of confidence that they can be solved (note to me: yes they can indeed be solved. put your optimistic hat on)
– seeing E, and expecting not to have to deal with emotional baggage anymore, but, alas, I did.
– finding out that S is married now, and pregnant. Actually that wasn’t so much hard as just . . . weird and a little trippy.
the good:
– muffins! And macaroni! And hot chocolate!
– meeting K in person for the first time and not even being nervous. In fact, barely thinking about it beforehand.
– wrote two articles I’m proud of
– getting more comfortable in forums
The Hard
Having a boyfriend who didn’t get me a card or anything for my birthday when he knew Im sensitive about these things and im pretty self sufficient really, whatever that means, so therefore why couldn’t he…just pop to the shop??
Aching for a best friend kind of friendship that I no longer have and had stopped missing,
Disappointment and shock that G did not want to work through this, see the bigger picture, make up, forgive each other.
The I am all Alone theme triggered with good reason really.
Please can I start my birthday all over again so that I could tell a few people about it and feel special and cared for??
The Good
Using all kinds of tools to help me work thru initial ambivalence about the Break Up.
Feeling really bloody good in myself as in a sense of peace or surrender and Not falling apart. Yayyyyy! This healing stuff being tested to the max and it really, really helping. (As in there is a total absence of feeling mad, suicidal hurty type feelings like I used to feel a few years ago when things like this seemed to go tits up. I have come a long, long way. Really I have.)
Feeling the love between me and G. In spite of The End. Knowing that he really did try his best and that is all he could, we could do. BEING Able to feel a sense of it is not meant to be – even if there is a little sad this decision is, in the end, perfect and I have no regrets! Wahoooo! Best break up ever. Hu!
More opening heart stuff. Hard to describe without sounding kinda bonkers really – ha ha – but just having such an awareness of how we all long to feel seen and loved even when we push someone away so hard that they agree and give up on it. (Very thinly described description of me and G!)
All the healing work opening me up to the reality that love is everywhere. Even in the conflict, rage, pain of the world.
Feeling gratitude – for being alive really. For the opportunity to experience more of life. For knowing that I have more bits to heal and more time to do it. Ohhhh.
Love to all the fellow chickens, wayward ducks and Havi.
xxx