In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
How is it possibly Friday?
I thought we decided things were going to slow down a little. Right? No? Just me?
Let’s do this. Chicken!
The hard stuff
Tired, cranky and overwhelmed.
In that order.
But also in all other possible combinations.
Not enough naptime. Not enough, in general.
The no-time monster collective had a lot to say this week.
My iPhone is no more.
After three sweet years together…
I’m pretty sure it cannot be resurrected but will find out for sure this weekend.
In the meantime, I feel kind of disoriented. Also, I never know what time it is.
The frustrating meeting of doom.
Bleargh.
Waiting for other people.
And having decisions to make based on input from people, and then waiting some more.
Flakiness! Theirs.
So if I want to give your organization money to sponsor their event — the same event that is in desperate need of sponsorship… and they don’t get back to me….
Then what?
I’ve tried contact form, twitter and Facebook. Running out of ideas and patience.
Flakiness! Mine.
Dropped balls. Missing pieces. Gaps where there shouldn’t be gaps.
We even discovered an HTML page on the site — we switched the whole thing over to WordPress more than three years ago. But apparently we’re still linking to old stuff. Nice.
Having to make decisions that I do not want to make.
But it’s time.
Still don’t like it though.
Ugh. Internet.
I broke my very strict “absolutely absolutely” rule about not reading comments on any site other than my own (because for some reason this is pretty much the only place where people are consistently sovereign and supportive), and ohmylord.
I was — and still am — completely horrified by the lack of responsibility people take for their words. And by the lack of safe spaces and healthy boundaries established for people to encourage them to do so.
Kind of reeling from the whole thing, actually. Time to unplug and do what needs to be done to take care of sad me. And to appreciate, again, what a magical thing we’ve done here.
Teaching in other cities is a pain, even more so now that I have my own studio.
You know, for the past EIGHT YEARS, I’ve been teaching classes in various yoga studios and dance studios and hotel conference rooms around the world.
And it sucks. Endless administrative hassle. Even when you have a paid programs coordinator who’s in charge of it.
This last year and a half of having the Playground has been amazing. We have our own studio! Just for us! The bullshit task levels are way down, as are the bullshit cost levels.
No more paying exorbitant fees to have someone fill a water dispenser. We fill it ourselves. From the sink.
But now that I’m setting this workshop up in Denver, I’m resenting the annoyances even more than before.
The hotel where the skaters are staying wants $1500 for two hours of using their smallest banquet hall. With other expenses (let’s not even mention the rented-by-the-minute flip chart), putting on this thing will probably cost more than an entire month of rent and utilities in the gigantic, awesome Playground.
And that’s before paying the pirate crew to set all this up, having someone read through all the contracts, buying the plane tickets etc etc etc.
I’d rather go and teach a workshop than go and not teach. So it’s going to happen. But can I have some sighs of commiseration, and some general fist-shaking?
The good stuff
Getting help and support.
Getting stuff done during Drunk Pirate Council.
Lots of help from Cairene.
Using the Chicken Board at my Kitchen Table program to get lots done.
Big fun hilarious plans for the Convening of the Enthusiastic (my un-board meeting).
Crazily, Plum Duff actually got announced on schedule.
For the first time ever.
Yay, plum duff!
And look at us, pirate crew of wonder. Well done for making it happen when it was intended to.
Back to dancing.
And it feels wonderful.
October.
Crunchy leaves. Sweaters! Flannel sheets. Everything smells good. Orange blanket. Warm socks. Candles.
Getting to do stars at the Playground again because it gets dark early enough to do it.
Gemütlichkeit.
I love this time.
Got a domain I wanted.
The likelihood of which seemed incredibly unlikely.
Hooray.
The piece about self-forgiveness was ready to be written.
Kind of like with Bolivia, I’d spent months and months trying to figure out how to approach this one.
And then yesterday it wrote itself.
What a relief to have it not be on the inside anymore.
Excited again.
About things I had stopped being excited about.
The ESPN Body issue.
I thought I wouldn’t like it at all. I mean, come on… nudity to get us to pay attention to women athletes? Screw you, entire world.
But then I read it anyway, because Suzy Hotrod was in it and I admire her so intensely.
And the whole thing was really kind of amazing.
All these beautiful, radiant women, who are beautiful in such a variety of different ways, and who aren’t stick-like models. People who are relatively self-aware about their complex relationships with body and being in it, and who do extraordinary things.
One day they’ll ask me to be in it as a Shivanaut, and I’ll have my own interesting decision to make. YEAH. I just said that. And I’m sticking to it.
Progress on Denver.
Definitely teaching a class there.
Definitely excitement.
Definitely progress.
And no more teaching outside of the Playground.
Unless we make it to Championships again…
Sleeping in!
It feels good.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band is really, really, really loud. But then they get really, really quiet.
They’re called:
Lewd Nude Quaalude Dudes
It’s kind of a conceptual thing. I guess.
But rumor has it… it’s really just one guy. I think they do that with mirrors.
Announcement time!
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
- Absolutely sign up for Rally before we put up the 2012 prices. It’ll get you into my Art of Embarking course too. Extra plum duff discounts if you’re a KT-er or Rally grad. Take a look at the schedule for this new year .
- Two very interesting scholarships for Crossing the Line: the 8 Day Voyage! (password: haulaway). These won’t be around for too long
- Did you order the Playground 2012 calendar? It is gorgeous. These will definitely run out before the end of Plum Duff.
I think that’s everything. If not, I’ll add stuff to the Very Personal Ads over the weekend.
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
And a tzom kal, if you’re fasting.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
*claims spot in the sighs & fist-shakes chorus*
Hard
* so tired
* tired of feeling whiny about feeling tired
* glitchy and gunky communications
* glitchy and gunky other stuff, too
* the “What Do You Have to Show For” monster be taking up a freakload of space
Good
* very helpful mentor
* messages and postcards, including one from a friend I probably last talked to over a decade ago
* sweet doggie is doing better
* big sis stopped by on her way to Michigan
* the Tigers won
* one of my photos has been chosen for the cover of a magazine
Shabbat shalom, and comfort/comforts to all y’all.
Hard
* SIX HOURS of study time lost trying to install something I need which I still haven’t been able to install
* anxiousness – my body keeps freaking out and making me really ill *all afternoon* right before every Roller Derby practice… Not fun, and I’m finding it hard to figure out why the subconscious anxiousness…
* Sleepiness (aka destroying my 100% perfect attendance record at University this year)
* Worrying and not being able to stop worrying and not knowing what to do… worry worry worry…
* Feeling like there isn’t enough time… I love everything that’s happening right now but it feels like too much stuff and too little space for it all
* Patterns-stuckiness and resulting bickering
* Twitchiness waiting to hear about if I got selected for my dream project at University
Good
* Transforming the bathroom! Scruffy turquoise will be gone, and in it’s place an icy lilac with shiny chrome things! <3
* Loving University again! After a few years of not-really-enjoying-it and wishing-I-was-somewhere-else and not-feeling-challenged… It's fun! It's challenging! It's interesting!
* Roleplaying! I went from two games to FOUR games. Which really means that I went from seeing my friends a little to seeing more friends a lot! And I get to play the game I've wanted to play for *two whole years* – and it's amazing!
* Watching lots of new Futurama for the first time in years and years and years! Remembering why I love it.
* Shiny things arriving and being ordered… and these shiny things being things I will *use*
* A general feeling of joy at everything… I really like the place I am in right now 🙂
Chicken!
Hard…
– Feeling the overwhelm while I prepare to give two presentations this weekend at Code Camp.
– Feeling dread as have already spent lots of time with large groups of people in the last couple of weeks and really don’t want to be doing more of that.
– Feeling behind on my work.
– Not getting enough sleep. ZZZZZ
– Wishing that our backordered hardwood floors would come into stock so our family room wouldn’t be a big mess of partially done.
Good…
– Sold some business this week I didn’t expect.
– Some things on the internet made me laugh.
– Doctor appt went fine and no problems reported.
– After I’m through this weekend, I’ll have some quiet time. Yay!
Have a great weekend!
sighs and fist-shakes all around.
And then she chickened.
The Good and the Hard:
I got a good parking space yesterday by borrowing a space from the bookstore, and buying a little red blank book that said “love” and then the woman said “you can park there as long as you like.”
And then the boy that I had not seen or spoken to in months, since I said “I have more to say but I don’t want to give you any more of me”, came into the bar where I was and I had to say hi, and for some reason the spot behind me in the bar was apparently the only place in the entire place to stand and watch one of the 87 tvs with the hockey game on and my heart pounded and I breathed and then my friends and I left (as we’d planned to do anyway) and I thankfully had my sovereignity boots on and was able to go the long way around the bar to leave without have to look at or punch him and I only cried a little bit later.
My hoop. I get inside my hula hoop and move and I am happy. And sweaty.
Good times with good new friends. A happier life than I’ve had in a while.
*sighs and fist shakes* 1500 for two hours! that is pure ridiculousness – who rents ANYTHING out by the minute… poor Havi. You have much commiseration here. My not enough money monsters would be all over that. Or maybe they’re just busy yelling at me right now so i think they would be all over that.
So the hard
– no energy for work – seriously, i think i am not cut out for 8 hour days.
– stiffness in the body, not sure what that is about
– I accidentally transfered too much into savings and now have $150 dollars in my bank and $50 of cash that husband managed to scrounge around the house until I can transfer it back on Wednesday when it clears into the savings account and then whenever it clears back into the checkings… because different banks. oh and we need every penny of that $200 dollars for today and Saturday. Hopefully the roomies pay us.
The Good
– Class was amazing
– I finished my reading on Sunday (OMG)
– three different was to make an ‘f’ sound (okay not all technically ‘f’ but still is fun
– finding the moon salute and doing it… also playuing with my shiva nata app.
– progress on all fronts
– realizing i am in a spiral and acknowledging it 🙂
– i discovered e-reader apps for my ipod touch and read books. i am now reading walden… which may or may not be ironic reading it on my ipod, but man I’m like at the super beginning and it’s amazing how smart that man was and how relevant he is today. (things like what everyone holds to be true aren’t necessarily true and you don’t need everything you think you need. he’d totally be into the minimalist movement).
– husband told me that when I am in grad school and have summers off, I actually get to have summers off and don’t have to do anything work-wise or anything. 🙂 i am looking forward to school
Hard:
-very long days, early mornings, lots of work
-bad choices and their natural consequences
-apprehensive about this weekend’s work
Good:
-good communication and props from hsuband
-children who have really stepped up this week
-good thinsg to read
-sitting by Piney Creek during my lunchhour watching the dragonflies get it on
-Havi coming to Denver! swoon!
-a chance to make some good money the next 4 weekends
-getting any idea of what my own Pirate Ship is. Hint: it’s more like a Witch’s Cottage
-actually PAINTING with paint. for an hour. omg i PAINTED. “…i’ve done this before, i’m SURE of it…”
-feeling the love and support of my Ancestors in hard times
-actually asking the Ancestors for help (that was rhe hard part)
the Hard:
Visiting family on the east coast. The house-in-the-woods part is neat, but the family part is hard in so many ways.
There’s HSP hard, with the noise and the mess and the smells of my non-HSP family, plus the added discomfort of a house under continual construction. And the adorable but loud and often cranky 2 year old.
There’s emotional hard, because the atmosphere here is… kind of the opposite of the Playground. Things like sovereignty and NVC and conscious interaction are so foreign to my parents they’re practically anathema. It’s hard to watch it, hard to be surrounded by it, hard to see the effect it has on my sister & her family who also live here. Hard even to see the positive effect I have on the culture here, knowing it will leave with me.
And then there’s just the ordinary traveling hard, of routine disruption and things being different and why didn’t I pack that. And the oh my god I’m here for a whole ‘nother week?? Aaaaaa!!
the Good:
New Hampshire is lovely. Treeeeeees. <3
Bonding with my youngest sister, and my niece. Oh the giggling! The adorableness!
Lots of good information about traveling me, and home me. Lots of noticing and appreciating all the ways I take care of myself, some of which were invisible to me before this trip.
Practice at/awareness of being the angel vs the shepherd. Having more evidence of the awesome efficacy of forcefielding. Even more appreciation for how far I've come, which I sometimes forget. Feeling so so glad that I have all these practices and tools to support me now.
Oh wonderful glorious feathery chicken, I love you so. Snuggling up with the chicken, today. Snuggling (I first wrote that as snuffling, which also works) up to this Fridayness.
The hard
– Lack of resolution with my Work Issue
– Being far away from some of my favorite people
– Lots of reluctance to work on the Big Deadline
– Guilt around self-care
– I want *more* resources for my work projects and I’m sad because I might have to (gently) give bad news to good people.
– Hitting a wall with a personal project
– Coming to the end (so fast! oh gosh) of Maryann’s lovely Why Not Now group, and sadness connected to that
– Holding a really difficult body sovereignty boundary. It calls up the sad vulnerable scared frustrated parts of me. It is perilously close to the “reverse orgasm of doom” and I don’t like it and yet it’s necessary and booooooooo (which is the song of loving empathy sung by the Sexy Sovereignty Chorus).
The good
+ Friday is Massage Day! And Leave Early From Work Day!
+ Wearing my ballet shoes every night to stretch in
+ Hip openers, hip openers, hip openers
+ Crazy progress earlier this week on one big project
+ Fractal flower connections to all kinds of other stuff, personal, work, self, love, etc etc etc
+ Birthday! My little llama turned two years old and got super excited about balloons 🙂
+ Having my 30 Things go up on TJ’s blog!
+ Witchy soups and autumn magics in the air
+ Hope in my heart about the future
+ Keeping Havi’s “enter as you wish to be in it” phrase in mind as I walk.
A big glorious lovekiss to all my fellow chickeneers, and to Friday. Friday, I love you so much I’m going to marry you. xo!
the hard:
:: my body is in revolt and I am partly annoyed at it and also annoyed that I am annoyed
:: I think I did something to my shoulder
:: no progress on the two things I wanted to make progress on this week
the good:
:: the amazing moments where I can see visible evidence that I am making progress on something that is hard for me (like remaining calm when the pup has a swallowing attack and seeing that my calmness is actually the thing that magically helps him stop it himself even at its most intense state, something previously unheard of)
:: the love and care and comfort I feel when I take the time to make steel-cut oatmeal for breakfast
:: insights
:: pockets of sunshine
:: purple Vibram cross-trainers, because whether I buy them or not, I am happy knowing that they exist
:: coaching with @shannonmw, who is genius at helping me get unstuck
:: tears
Joining the fist shaking.
The Hard:
– Unfortunately the Fractal Flowers seem to work for negative stuff too; the Nasty Interaction from last weekend has ripple effects into other areas.
– Feeling depleted because of this thing and the sense of needing constant vigilance to protect myself from Them and from monster attacks.
The Good:
+ What @Seagirl said to that boy: “I have more to say but I don’t want to give you any more of me.” Perfect words for me to remember.
+ Support and love from others.
+ Using what I know.
+ I’m on a not-for-profit board and have been asked to put together a workshop, a thing I used to do in several of my former jobs but have not done lately. Getting in touch with my professional self and using abilities I’ve not thought about for a long time.
And I am celebrating of the policy of Amnesty by posting my Hello October today.
Hi Havi! And Chickeneers.
Hugs for the hard and fist bumps for the good. And Havi, I’m in Denver, and I know a lot of people and places that won’t charge you $1500 for 2 hours of time. I’m happy to help you to bring you here!
I can’t remember the last time I chickened, because, well, life is so freaking busy I hardly have time to pee. I know.
the hard:
::overwhelm. Too much stuff to do at work, and the other work, at home on the new house, that I find myself in a state of inertia, just doing the bare minimum.
::standing my ground. People think my photography prices are too high. They’re not too high, and in fact are currently at the low end of the Denver market. I want to do stuff for less to have the work. But that won’t work because then all the cheapos will keep coming to me. I am worth what I charge. And more.
::spiders. Freaking spiders! All over the new house! And having to kill the big furry half-dollar sized ones. And panic attacks about them. And guilt over killing them.
::husband’s anxiety. Is back because he wanted off the medication that made him relaxed but completely de-sexualized. And his anxiety makes me anxious. Trying not to take it on.
::internet provider. Gah! I can’t load email, let alone upload 10MB files to my photo printer. And customer service is NO help. And the modem I spent $150 on is apparently the issue but is not returnable.
The good:
++Second wedding anniversary this week!
++Hubs gave me whole house spider extermination from an eco-friendly company as an anniversary gift + an awesome card of all cards + dinner at my fav restaurant.
++booked another boudoir grand opening mini session this week. 2 more to go!
++time this weekend to get at least one part of the new house in order. Maybe our bedroom, or the office.
++new in-house photo studio ROCKS. I love the light.
++newborn session tomorrow!
++fun girls bookclub over wine tonight.
Fifteen hundred dollars for two hours?! That is outrageous. *shakes fist* Grrrr!
The hard stuff:
–It’s really dark now when I have to get up in the morning. It would feel so much better if I could stay in bed until the sun was coming up, and surely it would make more sense?
–Bumpy communications.
–Trying to help my daughter be more organized with her school work, and struggling with the fact that there is only so much I can do about it. The rest is up to her. It’s her stuff. But oh, how it triggers my stuff!
–Oh, how to put this delicately…being a bystander watching the dynamics between two people I love, feeling distressed and helpless. Again, it’s all my own stuff; the two people in question have been playing out these dynamics for years and seem not at all inclined to alter them. Argh. Just argh.
The good stuff:
–A good visit with my parents. My dad is doing pretty well; he’s in a lot less pain, and the chemotherapy seems to be helping to some extent.
–Plum Duff!
–Excellent weather.
–Delicious food.
–Writing!
Giant Irish Sigh! Many massive fist shakes.
Also, so much excitement for when top Shivanauts have interesting decisions to make re: the wearing or not of clothing in the name of how awesome and athletic we are. It’ll happen.
Hard:
– Ah! That ear infection! My head! Even codeine wasn’t enough for a while. Even. Codeine.
– Anxiety about sleep schedules and cuddle time and productivity.
– Continued drama re: my lack of Jewishness and the lack of Jewishness of any children I may bear.
Good:
– I have a map! A map of how to market the new direction my business wants to take! A map that actually feels good to me and tells me what to work on next! Eeee!!
– Also, the map involves fairy lights and mysterious forest wanderings. And it solves basically all my problems.
– So far I’m over a week into cloudy season and loving the rain, loving the cold, loving the fall. No depression yet. There is hope.
– I got up at eight in the morning two days in a row even though it was very difficult for a huge variety of reasons. So proud.
– I am well enough to go outside again, as long as my ears are well covered (aha: I have headscarves!). I’ve missed outside and am glad to become reacquainted with it.
– The Nonviolent Communication class I’m taking is turning out to be super awesome. Just liked I’d hoped.
Happy Chickening to all! I add to the fist-shaking and contribute a wee “Rowrl!” at the ceiling.
Oh goodness, this week this week.
Hard:
– Triggers. Couldn’t play much here. Even now it’s still hard to come here and see the triggers capering amongst the goodness, but there is so much goodness here and the triggers have nothing to do with what is posted and *siiighowowsigh*. Yet another “Rowrl!” for that.
– My stomach did not like me much this week. Doctors who said they could help could not help.
– Could not get my brain in order to do all the dayjob work I needed to do. A bit oversaturated.
– Did not have the presence of the puppila until Thursday, wah!
– Breathing problems. Can’t seem to fill my lungs.
– Spent a lot of time Wed and Thurs on the “What you do when you feel like dirt” blog entry page.
Good:
* The lovelyman’s birthday! We celebrated on Saturday and on Tuesday, which was delightful, and in between we generally had a nice giggly gorgeous happy time.
* Just now: OMG Suzy Hotrod! I’m not a Derby fan because I know nothing of the sport, so I had No Idea until I clicked your link, Havi. But Suzy Hotrod is someone I used to know quite well from the 90s, who was at the time a very talented photographer who took one of my favorite pics of me ever. We only fell out of touch because I stopped going to clubs and gigs… I’m so thrilled she is doing so remarkably well! Happy segue, too: I sent the link around to the old crew I’m still in touch with, simply squeeing “EEE SHE LOOKS GREAT!” In reply, the one who originally introduced me to Suzy told me she’d be happy to hear from me and go email her about it! Yay for renewed connections!
* From a prior chicken-not-written: Deleted my Facebook account. WOW that felt good, even if I do have to wait another week for my data to be gone.
* The self-forgiveness post. Must be said – this was huge yesterday.
* A weekend of freedom – the only plans tomorrow and Sunday are to just be. Oh, except maybe buy a new refrigerator bulb. 😉
YAY ITS FRIDAY
& fist-shaking at the ridiculous 1500-dollar-charging hotel!!
The Bigger Picture
I have to say this was the best week in months. Things must be moving in good directions.
* Hand on Heart Sigh *
So good.
not in a particular awe-inspiring way but rather in a soft, demure, didnt-see-it-coming calm way.
All I can say is thank you world!
(Happythankyoumoreplease)
(and thank you Havi for this weeks’ posts about entry and exit and forgiveness which hit some deep pools of hidden epiphanies in me)
A new part of the road is commencing and I for one, feel light-hearted about it.
—————– The Hard —————————–
– anxiety –
still there are unanticipated moments of anxiety sprinkled throughout the week
– personal space –
getting triggered by colleagues invading my personal office space with comments, complaints, issues, more comments, competitions
– grumpy
being slightly grumpy with my little brother, who did nothing wrong – just because i was tired
– old stuff coming up –
mostly for recovery purposes. but still, seeing old patterns comes with sad and hard and letting go.
particulary, seeing which (parts of) friendships are not working for me now.
– body issues –
bigtime.
——————-The Good—————————–
– HOME & recovery –
coming home on WEDNESDAY and a whole day of recover on Thursday that I did not feel guilty about
– solving old admin issues –
– good talks –
with friends – more honest ones than I’ve had in months.
also with a new lady who does ‘readings’ and ‘healings’ and she totally put me back on track to staying connected to me-here-now rather than worry-out-there.
– writing with the Julia Cameron book
all about being at home with yourself in your writing. ah ah yes.
Yes, seriously, where did this Friday come from?? Yikes.
The hard stuff:
-Twisted ankle. Not running for a week makes me feel like the 10 weeks before that were a waste, which is not true. Maybe I need to work through that forgiveness exercise on this one?
-Unnecessarily long hours at work because that’s just how we roll.
-Defensiveness. Failed attempts at entering certain situations mindfully.
The good stuff:
-doing a better job of dealing with the restlessness of not wanting to be here anymore. Starting to believe that I need to breathe and the universe will work its magic.
-laughing at myself when I get too antsy.
-finishing my to-do list from last week… okay, so I was behind by a week, but still.
-finding a weekend to be home with my family in a supportive place where work and play flow more easily than anywhere else. Yay for brothers and dogs.
-writing. For the first time since being an English major, I have admitted to myself that I like writing. And I’m even doing some of it at the blog. Did not keep up the post/day pace this week, but still got some good stuff done and even wrote ahead a bit. And I’ve discovered a harmonious relationship between writing and coffee shops… and myself.
-Reconnecting with old friends in new ways. Pleasantly surprised at support for my new path from directions I would not have anticipated.
This is my first non-chicken Friday, and I have to say it feels quite lovely. So glad I could join in!
I’ve lurked for so long, dear Havi. Finally braving a first Chicken!
Definitely much commiseration and fist-shaking re: outrageous $1500 for 2 hours and crazy hassles/costs of setting up events in spaces not your own. Phooey!
Here goes.
The Hard
-approximately 50 boxes stacked behind me in my second-time-around home office
-no energy for unpacking or much else
-really hard struggles with partner
-guilt over blasphemous faux paus: unthinkingly referenced last week (Rosh Hashanah!) as “the week from Hades” to former classmate who is very Jewish & who was generously extending an invitation; did this even though I’m Jewish and “should know better”–much self-recrimination and need for self-forgiveness (yes I did read yesterday’s post)
The Good
-spending Friday morning with my 3-year-old: hurrah and joy!!!
-actually got my office moved
-found a wonderful, oak rolltop desk on craigslist; cost: a 6-pack of beer
-got high-speed internet with wireless set up and working in home office
-terminated with therapist
-major work change cemented
Noticing that much that is good is also hard. Hmmmmm. Not sure what to make of that. Still, feels good to Chicken!
Let me join the fist shaking at the gouging of people just trying to do their thing!
So sorry for everyone’s hard. And YAY for the good.
Chuck, I remember being an HSP child in a home not aware at all, and I also remember, gratefully,
those moments when someone brought a different way of being into our home, even if it was for a short time. It matters!
This week:
The hard:
* House is on the market and so many things are breaking down. This week we had three short brown outs in one night and it destroyed the freezer side of the fridge.
Then septic system overflow (holding my nose)
* Step mother decided to come out of her depression (which is a good thing) but has done it by deciding all her step daughters are evil spawn and is doing wacko (not in a good way) things.
* Tensions still going with Adman – change is hard.
The Good:
* Finally moving on the paper which is connected my new “thing” – THANK YOU SHIVA NATA, Yin Yoga and The Wave Dance. Writing getting done.
* Son’s video for band Ft. Lean getting hits and music blogger interest, as is his band’s Emil and Friends, new single “Chrystal Ball” (shamelessly promoting the son I adore)
* Daughter loving her job and her life right now.
* Septic system didn’t back up into house, it went into the yard and I’ll take that any time over in-house grossness.
Cluck cluck
Late Saturday evening chook for me this week.
@havi – when ESPN call you, I think it might be time to go get a really looooong wig… and do it!! Heehee!! Also, venues: erggh they suck. I’m an event manager. It’s rrrridicoloss. Yes.
Okaaaaay…..
Hard shtuff
– Merry-go-roller-coasting. Fear of consequences. Depression around my perception of inevitability of certain consequences. Confrontation. Sticking to my guns despite potential consequences. Consequences not apparently coming through after all. Thinking I am an idiot for not being used to this pattern already. Are we shifting ever so slightly with each round? I don’t know, I’m too close to it. I hope so. I think so.
– Sharing tiny sweet things and feeling vulnerable and having to practice NVC and sovereignty. It was not a BAD conversation, but it was kind of hard. Hard because of I Can Not Haz Good Skillz Yet.
– Budget. I need to build one. It needs research. It will take time and energy. Errggghgghggh
– Time and energy feeling in short supply. Progress feels so sloooooooooooooooowww!!!!!! Frustrating.
– Jobwebs feeling sticky and tangled and inescapable and icky.
– Electricity prices have gone up and we just got our winter power bill. Holy crap that really really hurts…. Get me off the grid!!!!
– Bureaucratic bungles. Have got my antenatal care kind of sorted out, kind of. Stoopid systems.
That will be all. Moving on to….
Good shtuff
+ Excitement and enthusiastic if fairly incoherent transcribing of epiphanial understandings about life the universe and everything. Coming up with metaphors. Mixing them up. Getting to use the phrases “Mission From God” and “Life Porpoise” regularly and still cracking myself up pretty much EVERY time!! Yes, I really AM this funny… it’s a gift, I know…
+ Fellow travellers in the epiphanial waters. (Even I don’t understand what I write sometimes).
+ Feared consequences not coming to pass. I guess at some point the evidence will accrue enough that I’ll be able to receive it??
+ Little lad is making progress. This is really good. He’s so sweet… xxxxxxx
+ Sometimes the baby doesn’t move for ages and I start to think maybe something’s gone wrong. Then it moves again. Yay.
+ Feeling HOPEFUL about actually making some progress on a major gwish from the start of the year. Which is going to be all about giving me CAPACITY to get on with more gwishes.
+ Also: making gwishes, but apparently doing it right (or making the right ones?) because they seem to be coming to pass. Oooooh majicky!!
+ World’s Biggest Summit. That’s one crazy great thing!!
+ Food glorious food, cold jelly and mustard!! No, not really (not yet anyway) actually just lots of good food. Yums.
Aight – that’s enough. Claire must haz sleep. Also must stop talking in stupid lolcatz language! I’m sure it does my general credibility no good… (My monsters would like to assure anyone who is actually reading this and gives a shit either way that I do not subscribe to lolcatz. Thankyou for your attention.)
Bkaark!!!
Time to chicken!
This week’s hard:
– Icky dentist appointment. Feel like I’ve been punched in the jaw, still, three days later. And I get to do it all over again on the other side of my mouth next week, too!
– Witnessed the immediate aftermath of a really nasty accident on my trip home last weekend. Gave me the shakes.
– Grog of four days away + post-dentist grog left me pretty much useless workwise this week.
This week’s good:
– Excellent conference last weekend — great info, great meeting people, great food.
– I had planned ahead for less work this week, so all that grog didn’t affect my work calendar very much.
– Stunningly gorgeous weather these past few days (and the next couple ahead) and time to do some work in the gardens to get them ready for their winter sleep.
Happy weekend, Chickeneers!
Cheers, Chickeneers!
The Hard:
– not being able to work from home as much as I like
– body image funk
– deadlines
The Good:
– classroom lectures are going even better than usual b/c of incorporation of pause
– secured invitations for my students to a Bid Deal Event at the Federal Reserve
– thought-provoking conversations with colleagues
Getting gouged sucks. And by a big hotel, outrageous. Fist shaking on your behalf.
The Hard:
Constant worry about money, and frustration at the utter lack of morality in much of American business, especially with the money people and institutions. Some of them would throw their own mother under the bus for a buck. Gah!
Being gouged by someone who is doing well really sucks. There, I said it again.
Not getting the tax refund I’d hoped for and having to pay.
Needing to move again, and unsure where.
My self care is beginning to slide, with the increased stress.
The Good:
I have a really awesome dog.
I have managed to eat well this week.
*More fist shaking at the complete ridiculousness of hotels that want $1500 for being so gracious as to allow you to use a precious room for two hours*
And on to chickening …
The Hard:
– Being in GOGOGO mode and revisiting all the not so great ways I know to transition out of it.
– Not getting a call back that I’m expecting, and having the monsters have a heyday with all the reasons he’s not calling.
– Deciding to kick out a roommate, and dealing with the fallout from that.
– Not hanging out with people enough, because everyone is traveling, sick, or has company.
The Good:
– Finally having a conversation with my special lady friend that I’ve been wanting to have for a few weeks. And having it go even better than I had hoped for.
– Feeling like I’m incredibly useful at work. And that I love my job even when it’s too busy and overwhelming. I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing.
– Returning to a group that had previously been challenging for me to be a part of even though I really wanted to be part of it. Seeing that I can be there with a lot more ease now that the rest of my life feels more settled.
– Getting to participate in the social movements happening across the US. As part of my job. Awesomeness.
Happy weekend!
Grr to the ridiculous hotel expensiveness! *hugs*
I have to say, though – the fact that you’re willing to pay to teach this class speaks such volumes about what a great teacher you are. Seriously, that’s amazing.
Also! Your iPhone died in the same week as Steve Jobs? Awwwww…
Intake of breath…Chicken! As always, in no particular order…
Hard:
-My phone is off. I don’t know when I’ll be able to pay to get it switched back on.
-I couldn’t find anyone to help my with my hair dying, so I did it myself, and it didn’t quite turn out as I had hoped. Apparently my hair is really really hard to bleach, because even after leaving it on for an hour, only certain streaks were blonde, others not so much. And because it was less blonde than I anticipated, the beautiful turquoise turned more into a green-y color. At least it’s seasonal, lol. As my boyfriend said, I can get away with it because Halloween is coming.
-Anxiety happened, at the same time and day as last week, and I beat myself up for not having my medicine again.
-I just realized that I’m going to turn 25, and it sounds Old to me. I know it’s not, I know that people who are older than me will laugh because wait-until-you-get-to-be-my-age-kiddo, but the feeling is still there. Maybe it’s not old as much as Official Age By Which One Should Have One’s Shit Together, and I so don’t, and I’m judging myself about that.
-Money problems are still alive and kicking.
Good:
+Had a lot of suck this week with regards to an Important Piece Of Paper, not getting it finished, and not turning it in, and then trying to do so but then I couldn’t find it. Gnashing of teeth, monsters yelling, ect. Today I found myself with the time + energy to do some major de-piling in my room, and I unexpectedly found the Important Piece Of Paper. Yay.
+My hair looks different. I like that aspect of it.
+Some positive social media changes. Deleted some people from Facebook, started using Twitter again, and being more selective about my e-mail use.
+Watching The Office. New almost-favorite show.
+I officially have a Boyfriend. With, like, an anniversary. And inside jokes. And adorableness. It’s awesome and unexpected.
+The Boyfriend is letting me get him into all my shows. He’s now a big fan of Doctor Who and Glee. Muah hahahaha.
+I’ve been doing a lot of writing and Shiva Nata and processing of my stucknesses.
The hard
Currently languishing in stuck. Lots of important, not huge amounts of urgent is not helping.
Had to let someone go last week.
Hard to see ease at work
The good
Forecast rain for the weekend didn’t materialise. Because we were waiting for it, we were out a LOT to make the best of the dry weather.
Went for little walk and found an icecream van. You have to know where we live to know how random that is. Had 48p – lady gave little one a 60p cone for that. Random kindness too.
Hard stuff: busy busy. Partner’s work leaving drinks where I found it v difficult to hear anything and got achey from too much standing.
Good stuff: got plenty stuff done & didn’t feel too frazzled by it, including finishing an article I was keen to get done. Left partner’s work leaving drinks when I decided it was just becoming Not Worth Staying (& felt OK about that). Feeling foetus movements! Getting a Several of blog posts written.