21 Comments

1. 

   Rhiannon on October 28, 2011 at 9:10 pm

   Wheeee…It’s Friiiiiday!

   And I am
   (The Hard)
   – Exhausted.
   – Also, holy-cow do I have a lot of stuff/stucknesses.
   – Also, holy-cow do a lot of people routinely make demands on my time and energy. I thought I was super super good at wriggling out of those kinds of things. Like, *too* good. I’m not good at it at all. Enmeshed. Ick.
   – Also, holy-cow did I have the worst PMS there has ever been. That was kind of crazy. And almost homicidal.
   – Also, I really really wanted to prepare for Crossing the Line in an easier and more complete way than I was able to. It would have been nice if my laundry were done, say. Or if I’d cooked some food. Or gone grocery shopping.
   – Also, if I could get more than 6 hours of sleep in a night that would help.

   But…
   (The Good)

   CROSSING THE LINE. Little whispers of glee. (I silent retreat on the rest).

   And drawing lines. Everywhere. Like: “I’ll get back to you on that.” And “will you contact me on such and such date with such and such information?” And “I’ll sit with it and let you know when I’ve decided.

   All those lines are more impressive because it’s not like they asked me to make a decision, they asked me to be enmeshed in their stuff, and I FOUND a decision in there that I could make, and lines that could be drawn. All on my own.

   The superpower of force fielding.

   Even though preparing for Crossing the Line was not everything I’d hoped, I did it consciously and with awareness of what PMS/crampy me is capable of. And my room is clean. Squeaky, even.

   And a certain fabulous fiance may or may not have done my laundry, gone grocery shopping, put up several shelves, cleaned the living room, and cooked for me. Eeeek, I owe him several.

   Baths are the best thing ever.

   I teach Shiva Nata tomorrow!

   MY SEAMONKEYS a.)arrived and b.)HATCHED!!! There are at least two super cute seamonkey babies squiggling their way around the aquarium. Eeeeeeee!!!

   Reply
2. 

   Anna Barnett on October 28, 2011 at 9:30 pm

   Oh. My god. I am so done with “transitions”. From now on I’m just doing burlesque. All the time!

   Reply
3. 

   Chuck on October 28, 2011 at 9:48 pm

   Wishing heaps of tiny little wonderfully wrapped packages of love and rest and recovery for you just when & where you want them, if & when you do. ?

   Reply
4. 

   Kathleen Avins on October 28, 2011 at 10:05 pm

   There is a lot to be said for easy transitions, burlesque and otherwise.

   Hard:
   –An unexpected anxiety-inducing situation.
   –Quarreled with someone over the phone, who then wouldn’t take my calls for a while when I wanted to resolve the problem. Ouch. Hard hard hard.

   Good:
   –I handled both of the hard things really really well. Go me!
   –Secret Sabbatical is going beautifully.
   –Lots of good music-making.
   –Lots of good writing, especially if saying witty things that make people laugh and give me high-fives counts as good writing.
   –Discovered Amanda Palmer’s Ukulele Anthem, which rocked my world.
   –Scored a copy of Mary Poppins from the local library, so I get to read it to my daughter before she becomes a teenager. We’re enjoying it!

   And I’m determined to visit a local pumpkin patch this weekend, even if I have to shake the snow off the pumpkins!

   Reply
5. 

   Leocadia on October 28, 2011 at 11:34 pm

   A late Friday chicken in the States turns it into an early morning café latte chicken for me in Europe, just as wonderful.

   The hard:
   – Husband had to travel back to unsafe place.
   – I want things to change for his next stay here and I am not quite sure how yet.
   – Daylight Saving Time, stupidest invention ever, ends next night and I am dreading the fact that it will then be dark at 5pm or even earlier.

   The good:
   – I went to a NIA class and, OMG, it was so what I needed: dancing, sweating, exploring. Shoulders loved it, too. Body tingling with good mood afterwards. Can’t wait to go back.
   – Had yet another massage by wonderful lady who comes once a week to the place where I work.
   – Invited for pumpkin soup at my cousin’s tonight.

   Have a beautiful weekend everyone!

   Reply
6. 

   Yael Saar on October 29, 2011 at 12:08 am

   Crossing the line is rearranging me in all the right ways.
   Havi, thank you for putting this all together, and being able to watch you all do thriller was so awesome.
   Rhianon and chuck, having you at the crossing is such a treat. Love love love you and the rest of the crossing mice.

   Reply
7. 

   VickiB on October 29, 2011 at 12:35 am

   Wait, it’s Friday? How did that happen? Yesterday was Tuesday, wasn’t it? Okay, as I write, it’s already Saturday…

   The Hard:
   Insomnia — sleeping at odd hours — which is why the week got away from me.
   The downtown coffee shop where my friends and I have hung out for years on Saturday mornings is closing.
   Missing my time at the bookstore coffee shop this week.
   Pain.
   Worried for others.
   Being reminded that you get more of what you focus on.

   The Good:
   I’ve been reading the archives and OMG the posts about the Dammit List. The idea that you don’t have to justify having things on it. I’m making up a few useful phrases to go along with the list. Instead of justifying why I’m not going to do something, I can say, “Why would I want to do that?” and let the other person justify it. Also, “Um. No” And “I’m funny that way”, and an old favorite, “It’s one of my hobbies” — said about things that could not be considered hobbies.
   Walking funny — after Thursday’s fun PT session, I have been marching and goose stepping and waltzing down the hallway at home.
   Working intensely on the Book of Me.
   The Butler (my cleaning service) is going to help with a massive Iguana, yay!
   Books and books and books.
   Finally got done a couple of things that I’d been dragging my feet on and don’t know why, using rewards and support.

   Kathleen! Secret sabbatical! I love it.

   Havi, it seems to me that you get to have Chicken Amnesty too.

   Reply
8. 

   Jane on October 29, 2011 at 5:41 am

   Burlesque transitions…yes please. Perhaps with extra feather boa and Alice in wonderland pasties.

   Kathleen – secret sabbatical what a wonderful idea…I can feel a little seedling idea taking root.

   The hard:

   My stooopid, inconsiderate neighbours waking me up in the middle of the night slamming doors and screaming each other. Then once they’d shut it up it taking ages for me to fall asleep.

   My sinuses are being weird.

   The flu jab that knocked me out for an entire day.

   The kind of epiphany that resulted in me feeling like hiding under the duvet from it would be a good idea, because…scary!

   The good:

   Dissertation very close to done. Looking forward to it being done, and what’s going to come next, even if I have no idea right now what that is.

   More smitten everyday. Love.

   After the eek! scary! epiphany related moment just being, hmmm, well I guess this is how it is right now.

   Also going to bed instead of trying to force myself to ‘be productive’ after the flu jab. Hmm…maybe the last two are the same thing, not fighting myself all the way to where I don’t want to go.

   Took some photos I really love this week. Ideas happening.

   Havi’s post about doors. It just resonates with something inside me that doesn’t have words yet. I keep going back to read it. Doors!

   The continual adorableness of my cats.

   Finding a way of working that, right now, works beautifully for me. Daring to wonder if this is something I can build on.

   Ahhh…

   Reply
9. 

   Leela on October 29, 2011 at 5:42 am

   Oh Unexpected Vacation Day!
   Hello, Saturday-like-Friday.

   This week, the hard:
   cleanse disrupts sleep! bah.
   and the massive headache.
   and the low attendance problem.
   and The Crossing starting Far Away and Without Me, even though I chose not to go in the end.
   and The Incompletes! (four-part harmony, but just one guy?)

   This week, the good:
   business flow. with money flow. yay!
   starting the cleanse.
   balance.
   self-care.
   some walking.
   sun! After PDX I will never take sun for granted.
   figuring out the massive headache.
   clarity. complicated, but good.
   unexpected vacation! Like Emergency Vacation, only an Act of God is responsible. Which means spaciousness.

   And there was evening, and there was morning. The seventh day.

   For tomorrow, notes here: ease. grace. spaciousness. clarity.

   Reply
10. 

    Claire P on October 29, 2011 at 7:14 am

    Hard stuff

    – She’s leaving hooome…. and she is me. Love, grief, uncertainty notwithstanding. Stepping off the merry-go-roller-coaster so I don’t get even less able to function. Because I HAVE to be able to function by 27 February next year.

    – Hours of each day barely able to move because of the sad and the sad and the scared and the sad. And the PTSD that’s prompting the move. And sadness that the T part of the PTSD happened in the first place. And the fury. But mostly the sad. 🙁

    – Practicalities. I am hardly in the right frame of mind to do paperwork. Or make decisions about details.

    – Plans and dreamings made while still in lalalalamagical-thinking-is-my-superpowerlalala land now looking… foggy. Waaaaay too far in the future to know if or how they might come to pass. I mean, whatever, in some ways, but still… ugh, magical thinking hangovers also hurt some.

    – That pretty much covers it I guess.

    Good stuff

    + I am blessed. And love remains. Which gives me hope that maybe I’ll catch sight of hope again, even though she’s completely out of sight right this minute.

    + I feel grounded, underneath all the surging waters. I am the bedrock AND the waters. The bedrock AND the shifting sands.

    Deep knowing. Honouring the deep knowing despite the shifting and surging it creates.

    Mama tiger spirit makes me strong. Inner genius makes me wise. Hestia is the goddess of wholeness and I am the hearth to tend.

    OW!! But that’s okay, it’s not about me.

    Ow…

    Reply
11. 

    Lori Paximadis on October 29, 2011 at 7:41 am

    @VickiB: This: “I’m funny that way” — so, so, so helpful to me right now. Thank you for sharing it.

    Let’s chicken!

    This week’s hard:
    – Setback in a situation that had been going well for a while. I have absolutely no control over anything except how I react to it. Frustrating.
    – Delays in delivery dates for project components, but no deadline extension for me. Really hard to plan my week when stuff that was supposed to be here Monday (and thus I made space for it on my schedule) doesn’t show up until Thursday.
    – Slipped and fell flat on my ass — I’m sure it looked just like a cartoon, with legs scrambling and arms flying and a big ol’ thud. Was carrying a bowl that went up in the air and then came down and shattered into a million-billion pieces. Cuts on my hand and a tweaky-feeling leg — but thankfully no other damage except to my pride.

    This week’s good:
    – Had a little tiny bing of realization about something that’s been an ongoing hard for me. Just a little tiny bing, but I have a feeling this is going to end up being a big turning point.
    – The contractor who was fixing some stuff around the house this week made me a deal I couldn’t refuse for some other stuff on my “want-but-don’t-NEED-right-now” project list. By this time next week, there will be major progress on some minor projects with big psychological impact but minimal impact on my checkbook.
    – Slow but steady progress on some projects. This is a good thing in which my motivation seems to be hiding under a rock somewhere.

    Happy weekend, Chickeneers!

    Reply
12. 

    Lori Paximadis on October 29, 2011 at 7:43 am

    Blergh. That should be “This is a good thing in a week in which my motivation seems to be hiding under a rock somewhere.”

    Reply
13. 

    Hannah on October 29, 2011 at 8:04 am

    Happy wishes to the Playground and the Crossing the Line.

    Ow how I wish to join a Playground party one day.
    One day when being on the right continent and/or being more fabulously capable of covering travel&expenses. For now I shall join virtually and whisper good things into the air.

    *** The Hard of my week ***

    – guilt-tripping by my supervisor and passing on the blame and not taking responsibility

    – another round of trying to accept where i am – with the hard that comes with forgiving the past

    – recovery from meeting old-friends-doing-different-things-now and thinking of all the many things tha happened and seemed out of control

    – dealing with questions of ‘what will you do next’. why is it such a hard question? why is it hard to find even a proxy-answer?

    – being in an office

    – putting in a first step to reconnect with an old-friend-slash-love. so nice. and so hard too.

    *** The Good of my week ***

    + standing my ground vis-a-vis the supervisor. that was new. and a long time coming. and so incredibly empowering now. i know what i want. i have muddled my way through the unclarity and come out on the other side a more grounded me.

    + writing up ‘what i did’ and seeing it is not so bad

    + the possibility of collaborating more

    + coming home to my best friend’s place on Friday night

    + getting in touch with my old friend – big appreciation there to the Deva of Connect.

    *** kisses to all the Commenter Mice ***

    Reply
14. 

    seagirl on October 29, 2011 at 8:10 am

    Chicken! Chicken.

    The Hard:
    Vacation is over. Next vacation scheduled for longer than 2 weeks. With maybe a more rigid schedule some of the days for museum trips and visiting places I haven’t been since I was a child.

    Dreams about The Plumber. Sad, hard dreams and then turning to him, in the dream, and saying “I miss you so much” and hugging him and him hugging me back. Waking up sad. I thought this would be done by now.

    Drunk friends who are drunk and then I don’t want to be with them. Getting to the point where I wonder when we have the Intervention. Not fun to be with people like that. Can’t imagine its that fun to be them. Gah.

    No movement forward with The Lobsterman. I like him, thought he like me, now can’t tell. And I don’t see him anymore. Bummed.

    The Good:
    Vacation! 10 days off while my assistant handled everything at work and even set appointments with new clients and did billable work so I could have a paid vacation. Yay!!

    Hoops for all! I have given away 5 hula hoops and have some more to give away, too!

    Feeling things is good even when that feeling is sadness.

    Maybe going for a bike ride before the rain and snow arrive. If I can find all my winter riding gear.

    Reply
15. 

    Gadgetgirl on October 29, 2011 at 9:36 am

    Hmmm, how did it get to be Saturday already?

    The Hard:
    – Wiped out from traveling last week. Only 1 hour time difference but I had a hard time readjusting. Doesn’t help that it is so darn dark in the morning this time of year – ready to change the clocks!
    – For a variety of reasons have not been able to interact much with my interim director. Feeling once again like I’m rowing the boat all alone in the middle of the ocean again. Sigh. I had hoped things were going to be better once she stepped down from being chair, but that has not materialized in a meaningful way.
    – Way too many meetings this week. Hard to make meaningful progress on projects when I’m pulled in so many directions.

    The Good:
    + Hit my 25 lb goal in weight watchers!
    + Workouts are feeling good again in the morning!
    + Only 2 more interviews remain for my dissertation data collection! One is scheduled and the other one is tentatively scheduled.
    + Reconnected with a colleague from the past. It was really good to see her again.

    Happy Halloween!

    Reply
16. 

    Katie Hart on October 29, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    Cheers Chickeneers!

    The Hard:
    – buses, airports, planes, delays, shuttles … the downsides of travel
    – service on committees that wish to argue about “left justification vs indentation” for a list of items in a trivial document … on Fridays … at 4:45 pm
    – losing 3 days of my regular week to work travel

    The Good:
    – Conferences! I enjoy them so much when I am there. Getting ideas, presenting ideas, discussing ideas.
    – Conferences in New Orleans! With the hotel right on Bourbon Street itself and a conference sponsor picking up the tab for all meals including adult drinks
    – meeting 3 super famous, world class, economists who are all also super great teachers: Greg Mankiw, John Taylor, Will McEachern

    Reply
17. 

    Leni on October 29, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    It’s the Moon of Gray Clouds Wshing the Sky:

    the HArd:
    -mom’s visiting. plus dad and brother. silent retreat on the rest
    -you know it would be fantastic if Samhain weekend was a time of INTROSPECTION and SOLEMNITY and REPOSE. i must have put 50 miles on the car the past 2 days, running from one errands to the enxt.
    -hard and raw talks, leading to good esults but still hard and raw
    -my FIL moving in with us FTW! silent retreat
    -Samhain weekend and there’s barely a moment of it that’s mine alone.

    the Godd:
    -samhain weekend! yea!
    -daily Flailing
    -and benefits thereof
    -hey we fixed the dryer vent! hooray! soemthing is FIXED and fixed for real, like not sorta fixed or kinda fixed, or close enough. really fixed. with a SCREW. yea team
    -Havi is coming and I get to play! hooray!

    Reply
18. 

    MartinaJ. on October 30, 2011 at 9:34 am

    Oh wow. Went off the radar for a week there. But I’m back now, and better to get back into this new routine before I lose it entirely…

    The Hard:
    – moving to Hong Kong (duh). Lovely, but also incredibly stressful. The packing, the moving stuff around, the getting adjusted, everything. Also, almost having a panic attack on the flight here. That was hard. I forgot to give myself a hug for that one, so I’m going to do it right now.
    – still feeling stuck on my work. Things are not *completely* standing still, but much more than I would like them to. And the fears are still all there and it’s just so much to untangle, I can’t even understand half of it. Oh, and the fear that it will never, ever change. (*waves* Hi! You’re familiar!)
    – tired. And sleepy. Jetlag is making it hard for me to function this time around.
    – the fact that my body is, ahem, pretty much used to regular sex. So now that it’s not available, the desire for it springs up at unexpected times and places, and with unexpected force.
    – difficulty in social situations. Learning a lot from it, but it’s not “easy” by any definition. Bringing up a lot of high school memories, in fact — ugh.
    – I asked a friend to be my “buddy” for something like regular status updates on working our stuff. He said yes, but then he backpedaled a bit and now he keeps saying he’ll get back to me when he’s ready. This is such a big deal for me, and the fact that he didn’t jump in on it straight away hurts a lot. But then I feel guilty for being so unreasonable to expect him to be ready just because *I* need a buddy *right now*. And then I get angry at him for not giving me what I need, like a good friend should. Oh, my goodness, it’s complicated.

    The Good:
    + being in a new town, in a new *country*. Everything is new. I feel like I can make a fresh start (although that’s only partly true). Anyway, it feels lovely just being here.

    Hmm. I would have thought there were a lot more “goods” (and intellectually, I can see them) but it doesn’t feel right to talk about them right now. I guess that means that it’s probably best to lick my wounds quietly at the moment and comfort myself before I go looking for “silver linings” as I would usually do.

    Good food for thought (and for the heart).

    Peace! 🙂

    Reply
19. 

    Miss P. on October 30, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    Times are tough here at Casa Paula.

    The Hard:
    – this gigantic cold that has taken residence in my body. With all the attendant coughing an snotting.
    – terrible “I am worthless and feel so sorry for myself”-monsters using my temporary indisposition to launch an outright attack on me. I wallowed like the queen wallowess.
    – continuing to receive rejections on my job applications. That hurts even if I didn’t really want the job in the first place.
    – anger fueled by resistance.
    – being early to a job interview, because I messed up the scheduling by 1,5 hours. So embarrassing.

    The Good:
    + going to a job interview and presenting myself in an acceptable light, considering the surreal experience most job interviews are.
    + making giant progress on figuring out the stuck I have around my dissertation using the procrastination dissolv-o-matic. It’s like magic (if you ignore all the hard work).
    + working out ways to live together with my sweetheart, now that we are moved in already.
    + practising NVC. It’s also hard, but so rewarding.
    + noticing the noticings.
    + finding clues about my resistance
    + actually doing shiva nata and having little bings

    What I noticed: (this is a little part I add for myself when I chicken at home)
    # when I am sick my defenses are down and I am likely to fall into very old patterns. that’s ok, do stuff that supports you anyway.
    # it is so much better to tell people about important things like job interviews, because knowing they are sending positive thoughts my way is very supportive.

    Reply
20. 

    Mechaieh on October 30, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    Hard:

    * too tired to work on sabbatical projects
    * feeling conflicted re sabbatical projects vs giving vacation its full vacationey, recover-from-stupidcrazyextended-stretch-of-overwork due
    * not in love with the bed I’m sleeping in the next week
    * bug bites and rashes
    * creepy old man in same hotel and intimidating clumps of men around Athens and Larnaca, period
    * extreme irritation at mental bruise left by inconsequential shoe

    Good:

    * dreading the shoe and doing the right thing anyway
    * the shoe-coping strategies I’ve learned from here over the past 1.5 years
    * giving self permission to defer sabbatical projects to upcoming solo time
    * feeling able to defer (or outright ditch) extracurricular projects, too
    * quality walks and talks with big sis
    * big sis takes great photos of me
    * lovely messages from friends
    * the fleecy jacket I bought just before this trip has been marvelously multi-purpose and multi-person

    Wishing everyone more good and less hard for the week ahead!

    Reply
21. 

    oliver danni on October 31, 2011 at 9:16 am

    This week was going pretty smoothly right up until the end, and then it got so stressful that it felt like the whole reasonably good week got undone. I had to work really hard to be able to remember the good things from pre-stressful events.

    Hard Stuff:
    -Struggling to have good limits with a needy client
    -Having trouble discerning whether one of my internal protestors is my intuition giving me an important warning, or a monster trying to scare me out of doing something cool for no good reason
    -Burnt the caramel
    -Applying for health insurance
    -Having to go through my medical history, then defend it to an insurance rep asking sneaky manipulative type questions about stuff that I DO NOT TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT
    -The resultant PTSD episode, virtually incapacitating me for about a day and a half
    -Getting way behind on sleep
    -Anxiety about my mom’s visit
    -Rehearsal was more stressful than fun this week
    -Worrying that I had an ear infection for a couple days earlier in the week
    -An acquaintance’s sweet attempt to do something nice for me actually being more embarrassing for me than I would have thought
    -Forgot to return a library book!
    -Finding a dead shrimp in my vegetarian Chinese food!
    -Worrying about my health

    Good Stuff:
    -Having the flexibility to rearrange my priorities to fix a huge mistake I almost made
    -Being offered the opportunity to join an online class that I could not afford without scholarship
    -Good, quiet alone time toward the end of the week
    -Amping up the volume on my self-care
    -Finding my Superhero self
    -Lots of good journaling
    -Plenty of Shiva Nata
    -Made progress on my reading projects (currently reading Autobiography of Malcolm X)

    This week, my Fake Band of the Week is: AlpacaPella! They are, of course, a vocal band. Have you herd them?

    Reply