In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I am completely baffled by the Friday!
Being sequestered at the Playground all week for Rally (Rally!) has been really intense. And time is all warped and makes funny sound effects now.
Mmmhmmmmmmmmm.
But we’re here.
The hard stuff
Tired tired tired tired.
Despite several marvelous Playground naps.
Just tired.
It’s so wet and cold, you guys!
This week felt like winter.
Thanksgiving.
Even though I don’t have to deal with 99% of it because of running the Great Ducking Out (which is awesome), it’s still in the air.
Everyone’s stuff is out and present. Everything on the internet is annoying. Etc etc etc.
Everything needs to change.
The problem with realizing what you want is how incongruent other things become all of a sudden.
Half tempted to take down most of my websites and re-do it all.
Rally is ending today.
Sadface mouse!
Reeling from the epiphanies.
We’ve been doing lots of super-fun and very-crazy Shiva Nata all week, and the realizations are landing about every five minutes.
And some of them are so…WOW WOW WOW WOW… that I can’t even move because I’m boggling so much.
Need time to rest, process, consolidate and find out what this all means.
Something I’m anxious about doing.
It still needs to be done, and I need to find the right way in.
The good stuff
Rallyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Rally is the best!
And this one — #15, aka the Great Ducking Out the Second, is just so much fun.
I have had the most incredible discoveries, and gotten so much done (surprising things! in surprising ways!).
It’s been AMAZING. And every single person there is so great!
The Playground.
So at every Rally, I tell people that the Playground is theirs to play in, outside of my captain’s quarters. And that they can move stuff around and build blanket forts and do whatever.
Which they do, gleefully. But it usually takes a couple days.
This group was super creative and funny about space. They did the neatest things! Like taking the giant pink beanbag chair out of the Refueling Station, and using it to make a napping nook underneath the mast!
Or creating little hidden projects spaces that no one has ever thought of before. And making some sort of weird butt-monster sculpture.
Not sure what the story was but it looked like fun and there was a lot of giggling involved.
It is so joyful for me to see the space that I created for playing to be played with so intensely.
The Day of Ducking.
Our ducking-out-of-Thanksgiving picnic feast was so delicious.
And so much fun.
I could not be happier.
Stars on the ceiling.
There is no way to describe how beautiful this is.
The Playground has this giant and impossibly crazy-high ceiling.
And we have a special projector that projects a planetarium sky (with DEPTH and cloud cover and wind and everything) onto the sky. The sky being the ceiling, yes?
We turn off all the lights, pile the floor with blankets and cushions, put on some music and stargaze from the cozy floor. In the deepest darkest most star-filled way.
And I do not have words to describe how completely magical and restful and play-filled this is.
It is simply the most enchanting experience. We had stars. It was blissful.
Happy hand-on-heart sigh.
Shivanauttery!
So much great Shiva Nata.
We did it with sound effects (and a magical sound effect happened just when we needed one).
And with nouns and with qualities and with numbers, singing, music, stomping, wishes and various combinations of the above.
It’s been fantastic. I can’t wait for Shivanauticon, you guys!
Mmmm pickles.
The Gentleman pickled a ton of cucumbers from the Hoppy House garden, and now I can eat pickles whenever I want.
And they’re really good! So good.
Knowing what I want.
It feels really reassuring, even as parts of it terrify me.
I know what I want.
This is big.
The fun part of the Chickening happens here.
Tabstravaganza! Or: what’s Havi been up to with all those open Firefox tabs?
- I love the Cranky Shivanaut’s daily helpful persona. The pictures are the best!
- I spent way too much time enjoying the entire world that this inspired: Beyonce songs re-imagined as undergraduate theses.
From the archives.
Some old, weirdly pertinent posts that I don’t remember having written, encountered while looking for something else:
- Ten myths of biggification. I’d probably give this a different title now, but the concepts still hold. You should read this. (May, 2010)
Also: not from the archives but yesterday. Did you read about monkeys wearing clothes and all the things you can learn from a proxy? Because it’s useful for later.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is brought to you by the Shiva Nata positions Horizontal 2 + 4:
Quantum Hedgehog
They play speedmetal rockabilly in a field of daisies. While wearing bowler hats.
Though did you know? I heard it’s actually just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
- Reminder: Rally prices are out of date. They’re going up. Also we can maybe-possibly sneak you in on the January Rally on a stowawayship scholarship ship.
- I highly recommend the Art of Embarking, which is the thing I am most excited about right now. This will be the prerequisite for everything I teach in 2012.
- Oooh, and registration for the Floating Playground will be opening later this month. If you’re not on my HAT list (Havi’s Announcing a Thing), you can sign up on the events page.
I think that’s everything? If not, I’ll add stuff to the Very Personal Ads over the weekend.
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
The Hard Stuff:
CRANKY! OMG THE CRANKY!
Meeting with lots of resistance about my new course, from people not in it.
Money Monsters upset about stuff I’m buying for my new place.
But then – finding out my new condo is ready but I can’t live in it for 2 months while they finish the fire safety system.
Going to the dentist. That was actually the best part of my day yesterday – that I had to un-crank enough to go there.
The Good Stuff:
My new course! People love it!
Discovered new tools for creating comfort in the cranky and today am creating a whole new system for it.
Not a lot here… really this week could be summed up in the word cranky.
Here’s to putting this week to bed and inviting in something new and fabulous…
O.Cheeeckening on my leeetle phone, because I’m on the road. There will be typos.
Hard:
Driving in the rain. Driving tired. Just really too much driving. (But today someone else is driving, and it’s a clear sunny day. So, that’s good.)
Feeling sad and bad about myself for a few hours. Monsters.
Money worries. Old patterns. Fear.
Good:
Had Thanksgiving early, last weekend, when friends could be with us. It all went beautifully.
Thursday itself was quiet, peaceful, uncomplicated. Lovely.
We’re having a family getaway to a pioneer cabin in the woods. On our way now! And signs are favorable.
I re-discovered Goddess Leonie this week, and have been diving happily into her work. Good shtuff!
Happy weekending to all — and thank you, for all that you do to make this space so wonderful.
We’re taking a family getaway, right now, to a beautiful rustic cabin in the woods.
Sure enough, there were typos.
Sneaky Friday, tucking in there after a holiday.
This week’s hard:
– Lots of manini things to do and not a lot of motivation to do them.
– Getting bogged down in a pro bono project that I thought would take me a lot less time. It’s a great book and I’m committed to giving it every last bit of loving attention I give my paid project, but I thought I’d be done by early this week and I’m still plugging away at it.
– Had a photo made into holiday cards, and I’m *really* disappointed with how they came out.
This week’s good:
– Good meeting with a gallery owner who is now carrying my stuff. Totally new area for me, and there’s enthusiasm for a trunk show in the spring.
– Joyous time with family yesterday.
– Two ridiculously yummy meals with two different sets of good friends in the past week.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
Happy Friday all!
~
Hard:
Still moving. It never ends. So tired, so sore!
A friend’s stuff that keeps setting off my own stuff. Usually I’m forcefielded against this but the move’s taking up most of my energy.
Seeing potential here too late! Even in just little ways. And other things I was always going to get around to someday that seem kind of unlikely now. I can come visit of course but it’s not quite the same.
I sold my bed! This also goes under good, since it was too big to move and cash is most useful. But it was so comfy 🙁
~
Good:
Packing’s almost done! Down to the last-out / first-in stuff now. And I kind of love living this minimally.
I’m learning so much right now about my relationship to myself, to things, to people and to my internal world. I keep getting glimpses of the future and it’s awesome.
People have been supportive & helpful just when I need it most. I’m so touched and encouraged by their love.
Moving gave me a get-out-of-Thanksgiving-free card! Yes!! And yesterday I snuggled into the new futon with fuzzy blankets and cushions and pretzel sticks in wineglasses and it was like ducking into the Ducking Out for a few hours. <3
Happy Final Rallyday to the Rallions, & hoping the glow and joy makes the parting/departure easier on everyone.
It has been a CRAZY week. But it is almost over.
The Hard:
– Still in the pain. It’s less, but not by much.
– Managed to sprain my ankle getting off a bus. Anger at myself plus super-embarrassment combined w/the additional pain.
– Plans to visit the lovelyman to help pack this week were completely scuttled as the needed card did not get to me in time to rent a car.
– Lots of demands on my time and attention from work and elsewhere.
– Last minute details needing a lot of time and investment.
– No time to write.
– Blog tracking paranoia. I used to get this weird terror thing a lot; don’t know why it’s rearing its head again.
– Oven is broken again. Therefore, combined with last-minute acquisition of enough food for this weekend, it meant failed dinner Wed and Thurs.
The Good:
* The lack of car rental meant that I could spend the money where it was – rather abruptly – sorely needed today.
* Some of the demands on my time were to finalize this Great Thing I’ve been going on about, and it’s official! Finally done and done! I am hired into a new job with better money and and and BENEFITS! Health insurance here I come! Wheeee!
* The lack of car rental also meant I was available on Wednesday when my work needed me urgently.
* The lack of car rental *also* means I am being given an opportunity to catch up on my cleaning/moving/organizing.
* Sprained ankle did not keep me from walking the pup for more than a day. *relief*
* I had a really lovely two celebrations last Friday night and Saturday day, where I spent time with some of my favorite people in the world.
* The last-minute details meaning that the lovelyman is arriving on schedule 🙂 *squeee*
* The monkey post reminding me to go play at Thinkgeek. 😉
Sending loads of support to all!
Ugh. Just lost my entire post. Not sure what key I hit. Don’t feel the urge to re-write it.
Happy Holiday weekend!
Ack. This week’s chickening itself will be hard. So much hard this week.
Hard:
– The breakdown. And not being able to lovingly interrupt the narratives that culminated in breakdown.
– The Narratives. The Failure Narrative in particular.
– The whole job thing.
– So much pain. So much pain that I can’t even say.
– Loneliness. Not having anyone to scoop me up and cuddle with me (but then: learning to do this for myself, which is good)
– Obviously, wasn’t able to get much done in the way of assignments and research
Good:
– As much as I hate breakdowns, this one happened at a “good” time – in the sense that I will not have to ask for extensions or worry about missing a deadline.
– Learning to be patient with myself, however hard and painful it was to do so. (Who knew receiving comfort/care, even from yourself, could be so difficult?)
– I didn’t stop eating, even with the breakdown. So this is a good thing (even if I am resisting calling it a good thing).
– Lunch and an ice-cream sprint with a wonderful new friend
– A note and a scheduled conversation with someone I miss terribly
– A hug from someone who understood the pain. I might buy him a brownie the next time I see him.
– Therapy next week. Just thinking of it is a relief.
– Being able to piece together a thesis and write 4 pages, even with breakdown. Not ideal, but not disastrous either.
– Wearing my rainbow ID necklace on the outside of my shirt for the first time. Having the courage to do so, even though it was flipped over so only the metal back showed.
Sending positive vibes to all chickeners! 🙂
OMG, this chicken made me yearn for the playground so much. Ducking Out food last year was so awesome, did you have the stewed olives again? Yaying for Hoppy House pickles, and a big oh, Yesss!!! for the stars on the playground’s ceiling, which are really more beeeautiful than anything that comes out of a projector has a right to be.
My week:
Spent most of it dreading today, which is my baby’s third birthday, because it was a very traumatic birth, and the first birthday was a PTSD + PPD epic relapse.
since I spent the 2nd birthday at The Great Ducking Out the first, which was almost like cheating, I was dreading today.
So I spent much of this week safe-rooming and supporting myself, and today is good. The birthday boy is happy and the mama is just fine. Having zero depression/anxiety today is really big.
I am so thankful for having all the things that I learned from you, at the Playground, at the Crossing the Line last month, at last year’s Ducking Out, and on this blog every day. Your magic works.
and it looks like CommentLuv is broken, so I’m putting this here:
http://www.ppdtojoy.com/blog/forced-gratitude-tastes-like-guilt/
It’s got a permission slip pebble ritual to boot, so you are mentioned, of course.
oh, oh, oh, speaking of boots: my very own sovereignty boots have found me on Wednesday. I can’t do heals, and they are Clark’s and not Fluevogs, but they rock so hard, they made me so happy. Yay…
Chicken, the only way I know what day it is today.
The Hard:
My mother got mad at me for bringing lobsters because she thought I was kidding when I said I was bringing lobsters. And she made a scene in front of everyone, including the 4 moppets, and my sister cried and everyone was tense for a while.
The Good:
I took my lobsters home and now have 4 lobsters in my fridge! Also, knowing that someone else’s crap is not your crap and that now is not then is a very very good thing.
I rode my bike 35 miles today. This could also go in the hard column because my body and mind thought this was very very hard. But they are very very capable which is why I pushed them to do it. And I love having done it.
A nice long weekend reconnecting with old friends and seeing new ones.
Cheers Chickeneers!
The Hard:
– 5 days of holiday-related travel to Minnesota
– family drama
– extra work before and after travel
The Good:
– time with family and extended family
– a super loving and supportive husband to get me through the week
– a new friend in my town with whom I can discuss Shiva Nata and yoga
I love the Quantum Hedgehog! Remind me to teach you the game “Quantum Go Fish.” You will love it. We play with imaginary cards that are shuffled and dealt and begin in superposition but are codified as they are observed. Seriously, it’s the best. It goes well with IPAs.
I also love the stars on the ceiling.
Silent retreating my own Chicken, but suffice it to say: Shabbat shalom.
@yael! There were stewed olives! And they were the best!
Cluck cluck cluck! Poulet!
Week of Rallying is over but a part of me will forever live in the corner of that room under the hammock and also possibly in the best smelling trash can in the universe.
Silent retreating on the rest. Because I will start balling uncontrolably otherwise.
As a very funny man once said to me, “pickles? You can have one, but that’shallot”.
Hard Schtuff
– Bad Day.
an entire day of feeiling useless/helpless/grey on Thursday
– the weathers and the location.
so much mistiness. and dark. and how can I keep up the spirits while hostelling in a hostile city?
– busy
busy busy last weekend and still tired during the week
– unfairness
a colleague getting all the benefit of the doubt. again. andme still getting all the disadvantages of the doubt. or whatever the expression is.
Good Schtuff
+ finishing
the entire script i needed to finish – solving all the little problems and finally having the data set I wanted all along.
+ taking back control
– setting up boundaries in the new collaboration project.
– taking care of more admin stuff.
in general, – starting to feel in control again
+ A Good Day
spending an entire Friday hanging out with my bestest friend and recuperating.
Silent Retreat!
All week I was making mental notes for the Chicken, and now I have no idea what those notes were about.
Anyway…
The Hard:
Sore throat. Tightness in chest. I’m coming down with a cold and it’s sapping my energy just when I really really want it!
Black Friday. The art places downtown were closed because of the competition from retail centers on the edge of town, and so was the cafe where I wanted to meet a friend. I took my nephew downtown to look at art and there were only two places open!
The Good:
My husband who is so supportive and generous and loving …. of members of the extended family. He made my sister cry with happiness.
My mom who, despite dementia and age-related debility, remains spirited and funny and loving.
Multiple invitations to do fun things with loving people, for the holiday and for other days/weeks as well. Travel opportunities to exotic places opening up for next year.
Private classes continuing, and the students are a joy to work with.
They’re starting to do Roller Derby in my town! And my nephew and I have a pact that he will help me learn to roller skate so that I can celebrate my 60th birthday (in three years) by participating in a bout.
I am so blessed!
My recent work on the Book of Me has been fruitful, and this weekend I started working on a mini-version that can go with me.
At the Big Family Thing, I asked what people are planning to be thankful for in the coming year — and that was pretty thought-provoking for a lot of people, and led to some great conversation.
Happiness to everyone.
Tell me more about your special projector that projects a planetarium sky if you would. That sounds awesome! My ceiling could use some of that.
The Hard: various niggling frustrations.
The Good: fantastic Thanksgiving dinner sans drama, a couple of days over 50 without rain for some nice walks.
Hope everyone’s having a lovely weekend!
My first Friday chicken!
Hard:
-Anxiety about not having child care lined up yet
-Black Friday and the start of the Christmas season (yuck)
-Strong feelings of sadness and shame over an issue I thought was getting better
Good:
-A wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with the whole extended family, sulfite-free organic wine and lots of laughter
-A glorious four day weekend with lots of opportunity for rest and sleep
-Snuggling in front of an outdoor fire with my love
-Giving myself permission to feel the difficult feelings described above; telling myself that I am good and worthy (a really huge step for me to not beat myself up about these emotions!)
May everyone’s next week be full of the good, and find the hard as scarce as can be. It is so good to read your chickens.
Hard stuff:
+still not on The Bus
+struggling to take an important step to help me Get On The Bus
+totally spacing some deadlines, whoops
+huge block trying to [complete the next task in my current journaling project]
+choosing to sleep instead of going to Quaker Meeting
+a class I was excited about got canceled
+worrying about a couple of seriously depressed friends
+awkward[ Sofa King] thing
+still struggling with [self-destructive habit] and the fact that I don’t really have any strong motivation to stop doing that even though I know it’s getting worse
+not really making a commitment to [break another self-destructive habit]
+feeling dissatisfied by conversation [with a friend] that was supposed to help me feel better about The Round Box debacle
+my car started making a terrifying rattling noise
+panic attacks resulting from terrifying rattling noise in my car
+not being able to adopt The Puppy (http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/pet/2712284144.html )
Good stuff:
+writing a bunch of good poetry
+AWESOME AWESOME rehearsal with my a cappella group
+baking a tonnnnnnn of pumpkin cookies with little chocolate chip smiley faces, and feeding them to my choirmates
+received a really good & helpful Tarot reading, guiding me to Make A Long Term Plan
+re-receiving the money I released for Stretchy Pocket
+finally having Operation A-10 Recovery completed, successfully
+tackling the Epic Dangerous Whole Foods Mission gracefully and effectively
+hosting my first dinner party!
+Thanksgiving, for which I am very thankful!
+making a new game to play with Apples to Apples cards
+inventing a new recipe for Farmer’s Pie (will be up on my blog soon – it’s basically curried lentils and tomatoes baked in mashed potato!)
+overwhelming success at baking ginger biscotti with homemade candied ginger!
+cooking my butt off!
+made my own tofurkey and it came out great!
+receiving packages in the mail which made me smile a lot!
+I officially have health insurance!
+The Sing-Off!
+www.writtenkitten.net
+my Canadian friends made me a video about how much they love me!
+joining the vegan holiday swap!
+using humor instead of whining (okay maybe there was a little whining) to deal with Transgender Day of Remembrance
and my Fake Band of the Week: Visceral Manipulation, a death metal band formed by a quintet of massage therapists in their spare time.
Hi Havi! Chickening JUST TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU. That is all. 🙂
Hooray for Chicken Amnesty!
The Hard:
-having a couple of days where I just felt unfocused and disconnected. Bleh.
-eating and drinking far too much on Thursday and then becoming a total lump in front of the tv for too many hours. Actually pretty sure this contributed the bleh that followed.
-the reboot of a program at work where branch librarians (like me) regularly switch places with librarians from our central library downtown. We did this for a few weeks this spring and I haaaaaaaated it. I felt uncomfortable and unsafe and just awful. So having this start up again was a major challenge. However…
The Good:
-I applied everything I have been learning here over the past several months. I used conscious entry and Hello Day and forcefields and thinking about qualities and essence and built spaciousness and buffers and support into my day in every way I could think of. And I had a really good day!!! It was amazing!!! Thank you so much, Havi, for teaching what you teach and having this wonderful, supportive space. Oh man, now I’m getting weepy at the reference desk. Moving on.
-lots of homey, nesting time this week, puttering around the house, cuddling with my loved ones, cooking and eating yummy foods (ironically, not including Thanksgiving dinner).
-We tried a new restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner this year, and it was a success – good food, good service, not horribly crowded and loud.
-napping
-not having to do a kid’s craft program at work that I thought I was going to have to do.
Have a wonderful week, y’all!