In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Seriously. Friday?!
This week is messing with me, right?
There’s no way it’s even close to Friday. Ah, well. Here we are. So let’s chicken.
The hard stuff
Not in the mood.
This was not a week for getting things done.
It was a week for process and percolate. Lots of useful untangling.
Lots of progress, even. But not the visible kind.
And people waiting on things. Sigh-sigh.
Late to bed.
Once.
Which then became several times.
And that’s always when stuff starts to fall apart.
Overloaded.
A holiday party and then brunch with friends.
I know for most people that’s completely doable. But for me it’s too much.
Frozen on a decision.
This actually turned out to work to my advantage.
But I worried about it.
A misunderstanding.
More sighing.
Misunderstandings are painful!
Things are changing.
And this is scary and hard.
Even when it’s what you wanted.
The good stuff
Clint Eastwood!
Remember when I used the magic of Clint Eastwood’s negotiating skills to get my monsters to backtrack on everything they believe in?
That was awesome.
So this week I accidentally used some Clint Eastwood negotiating with a contract.
Mainly because I was too stressed out about the proposal to write the proposal.
The silence was too much for them and they offered a counter-proposal without even getting the original proposal, and THIS proposal is awesome.
Thank you, Clint Eastwood.
The thing I was going to do anyway because I had no choice is now significantly more affordable.
This comes as a gigantic relief.
Letting other people practice what they know is rewarding.
Hard, but rewarding.
I have been remembering that not everything requires a response, and this is good.
Hannukah!
Candles. Singing. Levivot.
And then solstice too.
Beautiful. I feel happy.
My partner-in-crime is here!
Knowing that she was arriving did not stop me from spending two hours with her on the phone the night before.
Yay! Here! Now!
Ideas and epiphanies.
Like crazy.
Big stuff. Big, scary stuff. But I am glad to be learning it now.
Progress on the Almanac.
There are no more quarters. And yet… every season has quarters.
Feeling much better about this.
The last Board of Surprisers call of the year.
That was sad.
But happy, because they’re going to be my Enthusiastic next year.
Lots of sitting at the Playground and biggifying.
I am planning the most astonishing things. Like a crazed genius with crayons!
Thanks, Clint Eastwood and Shiva Nata.
Variations on Surya Namaskara.
I have watched this video three times. Variations on a sun salutation, from a dance perspective.
It reminds me of things that my body knows, and about how the Bruce Wayne thing of committing to the body is important.
Not just letting the body make executive decisions but being with it all the time. So beautiful.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is brought to you by our friend Dana.
Turtle Disorder
They’re a speed metal polka tribute band who do covers of songs you’ve never heard of.
Though, weirdly, it’s actually just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
- Reminder: Rally prices are going up a week from today. Rallies fill up quickly. January is sold out. There are a couple February and March spots. So come Rally. Rally! It will change everything.
- The Playground calendar is the most magical thing. It will make you happy-cry. The First Mate ordered a second batch. While supplies last.
- We’ll open admissions for the Floating Playground next week. So start working with the Art of Embarking, because you’ll need that .
I think that’s everything. If not, I’ll add stuff to the Very Personal Ads over the weekend.
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
And let me translate that, for Brits and Canadians and people who have been well-trained to apologize for things: What if, instead of apologizing for having missed a week or a hundred weeks, you lovingly and intentionally notice the desire to apologize? Say hi to the pattern. And then maybe you choose to silent-retreat that part. Or maybe you secretly get to do the hedging on your own to feel the thing that the apology gives you, and then you could delete the hedge before you post.
Because otherwise there’s this disconnect. It ends up being me talking about a culture of amnesty, but then we don’t give it to ourselves. Does that make sense? I hope so.
*blows kiss to the hedge-lovers as a fellow fan of hedging*
Follow
Wow. Friday. Here goes –
The good:
– Getting my grades back. Doing reasonably well, despite everything.
– Two promising academic projects on the horizon: one for next term and another for the summer, hopefully, and generous supervisors for each. Yay!
– One promising political project too, starting next term.
– Finding home, ironically, after having left.
– Letting myself have the stuff that I needed.
– Encouragement, when it was least expected.
– Good friends and good books, and so much love.
The hard:
– Learning to live with the good.
– Finding home, finally, because I left. Realizing this. Sitting with the pain of this loss-that-can’t-be-named-as-such. Learning that loss is always, always bound up with growth, change, life. But that it’s okay to be sad still.
Silent retreat on the rest of the hard stuff.
(PS: thanks for re-stating the amnesty thing! As a highly apologetic Canadian, it helped me come back to this week’s Chicken 😛 Yaaaay amnesty!)
The Hard: tired, tired, tired. Oh yes, and I am TIRED.
In many ways this feels like the longest week.
I shouted. I shouldn’t have shouted. I promised I wouldn’t. It’s ok now, but I’m behind because it all took up time. Made me MORE tired.
People are stressing, beautiful people who don’t stress much, and I am too tired to support them properly.
The Good: Anticipation. Joy. There are a lot of both of these about. I feel them too and am happy.
Peppermint creams – sticky hands and icing sugar EVERYWHERE. Can’t wait till we get to dip them in chocolate.
Twinkly lights and the perfect Christmas tree decorations for my sisters and brother.
Bit of control in work. I feel we know a bit more about what is going on and how it all works, and that people know a bit more about us.
TWO WEEKS OFF. TWO weeks off. Two WEEKS off. Two weeks OFF.Amazing.
Happy Solstice one and all
the hard
– still feeling sad, angry, frustrated about what happened last week and not sure how to deal with it.
– wanting progress and not being there.
– some confusion about boys
– iguana depiling. i did it. but it brought up stuff, of course.
– messing up my day&night rhythm. oh dear.
the good
– meeting old friends. the talking. the perspective. the enjoyment.
– a concert with little sisters
– a tiny bit of writing time in a cafe that showed me I already know lots and lots about next year and what I wanted it to look like. the sense that i get to use the ‘end of year’ energy to close some doors that need closing.
– being home. sleeping lots. oh oh so good.
The Hard:
– the house is very messy with Christmas things and clothes flung about from yoga and hiking and things.
– the weight is coming back on. the eating of carbs is increasing. there is a disconnect somewhere between what I think and say I want and what I’m doing. The extra padding interferes with yoga and will make winter hiking more difficult. Advices on this are very welcome, especially the sort that help deal with the disconnect.
The Good
– the house will soon be clean, and clothes flung about means that I was on lots of adventures.
– there is a very large post it note on the wall with check boxes I can check throughout the day.
– This Christmas season is so much more full of friends than last year and I am feeling very happy and lucky.
– There are really only a few things I have to do today, and some can wait until tomorrow so I don’t need to rush or be stressed.
– Top secret early Christmas sibling gathering today.
What do you mean tomorrow isn’t Zombie Yule?
Hard:
Car wouldn’t start for me on Monday morning. Called the only person I could think of who could possibly be available to give me a ride. He was.
Car started Monday night for DH, making Monday morning even more annoying in comparison. (DH wasn’t happy with who helped me out).
“What’s the point” monster was on the rampage.
Headache from the bad place two days in a row.
A suicide scare from one of my close online friends. Still worried about her.
Good:
Surprise cookie order for tomorrow.
Wonderful new warm mid-layer shirt arrived, and does everything it’s supposed to.
Bike path two days so far this week (see shirt).
63F on Wednesday and sunny in between rains (see bike path)
Surprise streusel order for today. 😀
I have been caffeine free since Tuesday? I think? It’s been really gradual (and wasn’t the headache cause, that was sinus).
Dragonfly eyeshadow from Sweet Libertine finally arrived and is my most favoritest eye shadow evah!
Zombie Yule!
Merry Everything, y’all 🙂
Hand-on-heart-sighs for everyone’s hard and good, including my own. And in general.
Hard:
* bronchitis
* time tangles
* holiday-roused monsters
* clique-triggered monsters
* budget-provoked monsters
* friends in deep stuck or hard
* had planned on making major strides on three projects; inching along on one and zero traction on the other two
Good:
* prescription meds
* improvised a killer lamb and sweet-potato stew, in exactly the right quantity and ready right when my sweetie got home
* a good discussion on indexing yesterday
* revising pieces published years ago; the recognition that I am a more astute writer and reader than I was back then
* distracting the monster posses with (1) picture books, (2) romance novels, (3) spreadsheets, (4) “not everything requires a response,” (5) giving my attention to people who welcome it, (6) deferring various demands until after Boxing Day.
Sending everyone best wishes for the week ahead.
Thank you thank you **thank you** Havi for posting this when I am still in my own space! No time for writing so am silent-retreating. Loads of love to everyone including lurker mice, and support for chickeneers all!
The hard:
Got a cold.
Having to go to work with a cold.
Having to clean the house and get ready for Christmas while also going to work and having a cold.
Not eating as healthy as I should, especially considering I have a cold.
Spending the week living by myself and jumping at every noise.
The good:
Although I’ve been having trouble getting to sleep and keep waking up before planned, I’m very well-rested.
Discovered an awesome station on Pandora and also remembered a favorite song. And much dancing ensued.
Getting a Christmas tree and decorating for Christmas.
Winter solstice/yule! The sun returning, paired with a good ritual.
Read a very good book.
How beautiful is this sun salutation pas de deux!! Thanks for the link.
The hard:
– 5 days in a row in bed at almost midnight resulted in me being totally out of synch and dazed with fatigue on last evening together with my husband before his departure for one month.
– My mother’s casual remark about how lonely old age must be without children woke up fear monsters.
– My body is not happy, too little excercise, too many Christmas cookies, too much wine.
– Sudden midlife-crisis feelings.
– Lack of time to catch up with people the way I would like it to do.
The good:
– This is the first of 5 days off. And I have already had one 2 hour nap and more will follow.
– Our nephew was around for a few days, lots of fun.
– Work. Rehearsals started for a piece that I adore and I love that I get to catch glimpses of it from my office.
May you all spend the coming days the way you want to and may they be peaceful and heart-warming days!
Screwy week, what with Monday thinking it was Tuesday and Tuesday thinking it was Thursday and Thursday thinking it was Friday and today thinking it’s Monday. Poor, confused week.
This week’s hard:
– Mostly wanting to go to the gym, but never quite making it there, because of things to be done or lack of motivation.
– Related: That moment in the dressing room earlier this week when I realized that I have gained a lot more weight than I think I have and that what I’m seeing in my head is not quite what reality is.
– Not feeling much in the Christmas spirit this year. Conflicted about celebrating Christmas when I’m not a Christian — it’s a cultural/family thing. Feeling like I need to do some work on figuring out what I celebrate at this time of year and give it a better name.
This week’s good:
– Shopping is *done*. Wrapping is *done*. Groceries are stockpiled. I don’t have to go anywhere near a store until the middle of next week.
– New projects coming in, but nothing horribly urgent.
– Some time to rest and relax this week and next, but some work stuff to keep me busy when I feel like doing it.
– Spent a whole day with my sister on Monday. It was nice.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
I’m jealous of Andi’s bike path 😉 I’ve been sick, so hibernation mode with little to no exercise… I tried on Saturday (first day I was sick) and ten minutes in had to go back to bed.
So ambiguous stuff
– sick, and therefore time off from work and lots of naps. but sick… and lots of stuff to make up on at work. lots of sleep all around actually – and visited the steam room and spa twice this week! which was nice, but only happened because i am sick with congestion, and chest cold and headache. Also, I went to the doctor and took care of the sick early, so that is a plus.
The hard
– actually, this all ties to the sick. and being tired from the sick and playing catch up at work, courtesy of the sick.
The good
– I actually listened to my body. And slept and took the time off work that I needed.
– fit bit toy thing came in the mail. Well we got two pink ones, so mine did, we have to take the other one to the store so my husband can have one that is not pink.
– went to movies with friends and stuff. This was a lot of fun.
– saturday we had a party and there was games and such and socializing much fun.
– giving a bag of duct tape to husband’s 10 y/o cousin and her face lighting up. A bag of duct tape, whodathunkit.
Hard:
–Sick with some kind of odd virus that had me weak and shivering for a day, and has continued to affect my digestion to the point where I hardly know when or what to eat without uncomfortable consequences. I’m trying to remember to drink plenty of water, at least.
–Upside-down sleep patterns. I had decided that I wasn’t going to try to stay up all night for Winter Solstice, but then somehow it sort of happened anyway. Also, I’m sure that my illness is having an effect on my sleep. All in all, I feel rather like a zombie, just in time for Zombie Yule.
Good:
–I’m feeling major shifts and healing in some old emotional patterns, which is liberating and quietly astonishing.
–Family and friends gathered at my home this week, and for the most part it’s been cozy and companionable and remarkably stress-free.
–My Playground calendar arrived this week, such a sweet little bundle of joy and hope!
–I have received much kindness and compassion from people I love.
I’m going to take things as gently as I can this weekend. I’ll be thinking of all of you!
Hard:
still climbing out of funk
Christmas grumpiness
not sleeping enough
standing for myself in the face of opposition
Good:
speaking at meeting of powerful women, getting lots of love
babysitter requesting to borrow the baby for a few hours
sweet friend’s offer to babysit to give me writing time
working on novel again!
alone time
meeting small goals
warm weather
running running running
spark of Christmas spirit
Clucking softly.
oh the hard was so hard:
-the stomach flu started friday with cherise
-i destroyed the glass cooktop on the stove friday night
-i learned i ahve to reimbure my boss for my insurance
-both of these amounts are the SAME! almost 450 each
-husbad is still sick, in bed, and tired of my ‘persecution narrative about how you ahev to doa all the hosuework”
-it snowed a foot yesterday and i had to shovel most of it and i’m not even done
-it’s a heat and serve chsitsmas this year, as ai attemopt to feed my kids with one burner, no oven.
-since i’m doing both ther Artist’s way and working with the Fluent self, my Shit is in My Face
the good has been good:
-some stuibbonr old pattersn gettign space and openness and revleation
-the magick treehouse. all kinds of yummy new treasures
-Treasure
-starting to have conversations with Badass Me. this is sawesome.
-the Bing! The Flail! The Brain melt!I am making time for Shiva Nata every day
-the fractal flwoers are blooming! it still looks bit like chaos but i have faith
-all this new shiva Nata bing! is leadint me home to wisdom tradtions I’ve alwasy loved.
-Yule was so nice! so dark in the house while the snow fell, all pearly pink and quiet as can be
-the Mystery. The child of Lifght and promise
-an opportuity to let somethignt hat triggers the HELL outta me, become a speark of gnosis and light.
-the pattersn revealing themselves
-more art! it’s just ahppening!
First ever chicken from an iPhone! I love this thing…must steal it.
Hard
The problem with my apartment being so awesome is that when I am in less awesome places my heart hurts for how much easier and more beautiful it would be in my own space.
Seeing my fabulous ex. And being happy for the better places we both are in now and sad for everything else.
Identity shifts. And culture clashes of all stripes.
So burnt out even resting is exhausting.
Answering questions about my life. “Actually, I’ve been working on my internal process for the last year, you?”
The good
I don’t have to cook and no one can make snide remarks about the mess I make in the kitchen… Because I’m not in the kitchen!
SNOW!!!
Seeing my cat!
I get to teach Shiva Nata while I’m here!!
Secret plans are in full swing for February! So soon!!!!
It was a fast week!!
The Hard:
– I’m spiritually tired, if that’s possible
– My doom monsters won’t let me help Sad Me
– My You-Suck monsters keep buggin me for not helping Sad Me…
– All of the previous not helping to finish a project at work (or doing any work of any sort at all)
– Budget monsters on the loose after a weekend away and a big personal purchase of something I do not need, but wanted sooo much…
– Wishing for a reflexing time-out and still not finding a way around it… Hey!! I can have an Island Reflexion Time, just thought of it… I’ll need and Island Reflexion notebook 😛
The good:
– Recovering from small injury on self-defense class and attributing much of that progress to listening to my body
– Bonding with my class mates over pizza and hot punch (mexican hot sweet kinda punch)
– I got an answer I’ve been waiting!! I’ll be back to teaching Marketing at local university, 1 subject, that’s great!!
– Out of town Auntie came for holidays, happy to see her and glad to have a chance to ‘camp’ at my brother’s 😀 I’ll make a blanket fort tonight!!
– Even with the budget monsters on the loose, I am glad I have my debt under control, yay for saving money for rainy days!!
– Starting to realize what could be my perfect business which gives me independence and hapiness, seems like I’m on to something good…
Hope everyone has a great time.
By the way, I would like to send my monsters to a nice place for the holidays, like the beach… Does anyone know of nice vacation resorts for monsters?
Cheers Chickeneers!
The Hard:
– not enough yoga this week
– battling a touch of a cold
– not knowing how to make a particular decision
The Good:
– dinner out with good friends
– beautiful white snow dumped on Colorado
– All the prep work is done … bring on the In-Laws!
@Havi
I KNOW! I was thinking that exact thing when I arrived. What?! Friday?! It’s not Friday yet…but amazingly actually it is.
@Esteban: yes! yes. spiritually tired is totally possible.
and Monster Resorts International has lots of options out there. It helps to know what your monsters like. Do they prefer Hard Work or Doing Nothing or…?
My chicken! on Friday, even!
The Hard:
– this morning with the car that did not want to go uphill in the snow.
– this week with the always feeling behind
– uncertainty over how to best follow up with cancellations
– the day that we spent doing things that were not planned
The Good:
the clothes! unexpectedly, we have an outfit for a proxy. yay!
coincidentally they will be useful in real life as well.
sleeping
cuddles
a different style of journaling
the solstice! the turning! it could not have come at a better time.
– flow, ease, and a possible good thing! .crossed fingers.
– being able to use the new skills to do useful things
– being able to use the old skills the same way.
rest.
the calendar. that looks like portugal exactly only it’s greece. who knew?
Happy week and chickening to all!
The calendar says it’s Saturday now but it still feels like Friday to me and I’m going to Chicken!
Hard:
– Not a lot of hard this week, I’m happy to say.
– Messed up my knee again, driving in stop and go traffic for several hours. Made worse by shopping expeditions.
– Insomnia. Hot flashes. Pain.
– Needing a lot of rest and sleep after the weekend trip.
– Can’t get steps for Grandma’s house. Needed now but they have to be ordered or built.
– Traffic and crowds keeping me away from my favorite coffee shop.
– MrB is having computer trouble and is gloomy and obsessive about it.
– Can’t donate blood, my blood count is a little low. I’ve been craving red meat, even though there are other good sources of dietary iron.
Good:
+ Good trip this past weekend with MrB, my sister C, and nephew CJ. Lots of laughing.
+ Avoiding shopping insanity while actually getting the things I looked for.
+ The Butler said he restored the bathrooms to “sanity”. Having them sanitary is good; having his help is good; his sense of humor is good.
+ Taking time to do some planning for next year, to start setting things up.
+ Got to the bookstore today (Friday), yay!
+ Saw friends I haven’t seen for a long time. Yay, again!
+ Naps!
+ New book by favorite writer. I’m reading it already, and then MrB will wrap it and put it under the tree. That will make us both laugh.
+ Discovering that the Hidden Basement Stairs have the same magical properties as the Elevator Shaft at the Playground. The stuff I’m sending there! Iguanas and little flattened out monsters and some yucky emotions.
+ Serious progress and flow on some prrrojects and some writing and research done. Important realization about them.
+ No snow on the ground. No ice. Our holiday travel will be much safer because of that! Plus I’ll be able to move some leaves off the concrete before they freeze and become a hazard.
+ A friend gave me an enormous platter of baked goods on Monday, enough to last me through till the New Year!
+ Plans to see my friend J whom I haven’t seen for nearly a month. We’ll share the goodies because she has a major sweet tooth.
Only a week since my last friday chicken? Feels like forever. {Apparently English Usage Monster wants to point out that by ‘forever’ I actually mean at least two weeks.}
The hard:
Still have the virus of doom hanging around, feeling much better but still very easily tired with a side of doom!
Oh, and the hormones didn’t improve this.
Needing to rest a lot, and really not wanting to. And wishing I could be ok with the needing to rest.
This situation bringing up a lot of old pain and grief.
Feeling like there’s no time!, even though another part of me can see that this is mainly not my stuff. But still…
The good:
I dreamt about kittens last night! So adorable!
Seeing some wiggle room and positive in my situation, and realising how much of the doom! and sad and fear is not from now.
Actually interacting with some of the pain and grief and allowing it to exist instead of fighting it back into its box. Amazing.
Very gentle yoga.
Feeling well enough to meet up with friends on Tuesday and go out for a meal with work last night.
My very first person who I’ve experimented on with my thing (er, it’s not as Carry On as that sounds!) has had an awesome result. So many yays!
And I have a blog again, and am totally ok with very gently sending it out into the world.
Looking forward to 10 days where I don’t have to leave the house unless I want to!
Aaaaaah. Hugs and cups of tea (your favourite!) for all teh hard, and yays and confetti for the good.
@Leela, thanks for the confirmation of the possibility to be spiritually tired, and for refering me to Monsters Resorts International.
Turns out they have tons of activities for monsters there, mine are excited about the Screaming Marathon Jamming Sessions, hope they get all the screaming out of their system before they come back.
Cheers!!
Hello Chickeneers! It is so lovely to chicken with you all. 🙂
The Hard:
-just felt blah and disconnected and uninterested and bored with all of life. And none of my usual stuff to get out of such a funk seemed to be helping. Very not fun.
-crazy money mix-up last night where a online purchase that was supposed to get charged in monthly increments ended up taking the full amount out of the bank account – something we discovered when the restaurant we had dinner in told us our card didn’t allow the full amount of our dinner – eek!
The Good:
-fabulous dinner at my favorite restaurant as a birthday gift from my mother-in-law
-went to a couple of really good movies with the loving husband
-have the Christmas tree up and decorated, and the cat has completely failed to attack it
-got the money snafu figured out
-and best of all: a couple freelance checks of my husbands came in, allowing us to purchase my Christmas gift – I am now signed up for a 2012 Rally! I’m so excited I can’t even tell you 🙂
Thank you for the note on apologizing! It drives me mad when people apologize for no good reason (99% of the times that people apologize). It’s one of my biggest pet peeves in life. (Do we have a better word for pet peeves? I might work on that. I hate that term.)
Ugh, it’s been a rough week. Ready to say goodbye to this one. Usually I’m either celebrating or neutral this time of year, but this year everything about the “holiday season” is just making me miserable. Chicken, incoming!
Hard Stuff
+having a cold
+having to cancel plans due to having a cold, especially the ones that involved hanging out with small kids 🙁
+being afraid to go to the craft store during Capitalistmas Week
+feeling sad that Everyone Else has people with whom to celebrate holidays and I am all alone
+skin condition acting up; unknown whether due to stress or allergy
+tried to make a kugel and it came out gross
+lingering sore throat
+discovering how hard it is to pick up my routine after dropping it for a few days while sick
+still stressing myself out about [problematic coping strategy] which is probably just making it worse
+people insisting that this is a Holiday Season and one ought to be Merry
Good Stuff:
+giving myself permission to rest and recover from the cold
+lots and lots of tea
+crocheting baby sea creatures
+hanging out with N & S on Tuesday
+D, M, & K coming over on Wednesday
+and then T staying over Wednesday night
+Star Trek
+finally finishing [Tabetha’s reading]
My Fake Band this week: The Doorway Climbers!
Hard stuff:
Post-move overwhelm. I’m so disoriented & worn out from all the change and the ongoing little difficulties – like the power that goes out whenever three or more outlets are in use! the unfinished bathrooms! the stupid heating! oh I could go on! – that I feel like I’ve forgotten who I am and everything I know. It sucks and I hate it, I wanna run away and hide 🙁
Things that need to happen ASAP. There are several and they all scare and confuse me and they’re extra-difficult to deal with right now. (see above)
Disappointment about an opportunity which I was thought was for me, but wasn’t. Having a hard time processing the complicated jumble of emotions around that. (see above)
Ongoing body stuff which is so not helping all of this.
~
Good stuff:
New housemates are cool! We share a lot of nerdy interests and they’re fun to hang out with. I’m bonding with the cats here too, we’ve taken some fabulous naps together.
Massage earlier this week. <3
There is tiny tiny progress on dealing with the overwhelm. It is not as fast or as graceful as I'd like, but it's there. And I have notes which will help and they're all together in one place for me when I'm ready to take a look at them.
I have apple cider and rum.
The good: you know. Christmas. episcopal mass. hannukah. family. wonderfulness. cooking. cookies.
The hard: random, unexpected panic attacks that made me doubt everything. I mean EVERYTHING. which made me feel…. terrified. and alone. and fearful.
ay.
silent retreating on the rest.
but it’s strange to have so much goodness overlapping with so much out-of-the-nowhere terror. I guess c’est la vie.
alors.
truly, there is nothing in life but love. and laughter. and togetherness. so I say: love to all of you. <3