In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Wow, Friday. I mean, Friday.
This has been a big week. I think I will begin this week’s Chicken with some thank yous.
Point of thanks.
Thank you, Playground. Thank you, Rally (Rally!). Thank you, space. Thank you, body. Thanks to Alon for presence, and to T.J. for discernment and to Zach for drinks. Thank you, Chuck, for yoga in the dark. Thank you, Bryan. Thank you, Ath.
The hard stuff
Staying above the minutiae.
Everyone wants decisions and I don’t have any yet.
Some things need to percolate.
Getting sucked into the small things instead of interacting with the small things.
Feeling massively overwhelmed.
SO. MANY. THINGS.
Doing the things that I know don’t work.
Getting lost in the online river.
Thinking that work stuff should take precedence over pause (paws!).
Thinking that I can take care of myself later.
Not doing the things that I know do work.
Every time that things were hard this week, yoga and Shiva Nata and singing and force-fielding brought me back.
And every time things were hard, it was, of course, because I hadn’t done any of those things to begin with.
Forgetting about how now is not then.
And then falling apart because I got disconnected from my superpowers.
Recognizing a mistake.
Hello, mistake. Hello, misunderstanding of my capacity.
In Grand Fashion!
The new practice of doing things In a Grand Fashion brought up all kinds of stuff for me.
It was incredibly useful, and also: ohmygoodness, I have a lot of stuff.
Changes.
All this surrender business is work.
Which is really funny, because……YES. That is exactly why it’s funny.
The big experiment.
I was running a giant experiment at Rally this week with how I [verb] Rally, and at points that was really challenging.
Mainly because I was secretly hoping to have a specific hypothesis proven in a specific way, which is not what happened.
Releasing expectations and letting go of attachment is a full-time job right now. All results are useful. I just need to remember that.
Agreeing to something even when I know it’s a horrible mistake.
Having learned the hard way a hundred million times, you’d think I’d remember:
Never agree to “answer a quick question” right from someone who works with me right before embarking on something important like a phone call. Or yoga.
Invariably, whatever they think is a “quick question” is actually something that derails months of work that I thought was done, and then I’m all shaky and off-balance for the experience that requires my immediate attention.
I know it’s okay to say “not right now” or to take a silent retreat. I just don’t remember that I should. That it’s really more of an absolutely absolutely.
I am ready for this to stick. Entry entry entry.
The good stuff
The stage! It’s built!
The First Mate and Danielle’s Hunky Man came in on Sunday and just hauled ass.
They put in a spectacularly impossible 12 hour day of barnraising.
And now we have the most wonderful stage in the new space.
In a Grand Fashion!
Doing things In Grand Fashion brought a lot of presence and delight into many different aspects of this week.
Plus I learned a lot about various false assumptions I’ve been operating under.
HUZZAH!
Taking five steps back.
It works.
Shiva Nata.
Not only did I have ten thousand epiphanies this week, thanks to the madcap shivanautical flailing we did this week, but I also feel better about everything I’ve been going through. Because I can see the patterns.
We did a hilarious class with sound effects. Bloomph-bing! Wheee-oooh!
And some amazing meditations.
The workshop I did for the roller derby team was also extremely entertaining.
Understandings about what comes next.
And a path to follow.
Someone who let me fall apart and didn’t have stuff about it.
Usually when I fall apart, people in my life can’t handle it.
This person was able to just let it be the temporary reality, and be with me while I was in it.
It was amazing.
Presence, grace, effort and effortlessness.
That’s all I want to say about that.
Yoga.
Related to the above.
Rally (Rally!)
Rally #18!
A lovely group of bright, creative, marvelous people. No surprise there. It’s a wonderful, life-changing, incredibly special and subversive way to spend a week.
My projects are grateful, and so am I.
The great experiment.
I learned a lot of interesting things.
Relearning something I thought I already knew.
But now, thanks to Shiva Nata, I know it way deeper.
I know that the three different things I was working on are actually one thing, and I know what I need to do in order to take care of myself.
Dinner with T.J.
Dinner with T.J. = a very special thing.
And I was right.
I got to go to the bar that I always think of as “that bar that I would totally go to if I were twenty five.”
And it was that bar.
More thank yous.
To Corie, Kaari, Karen, Shannon and Isabel for fabric for the new space..
Thank you to all the Playground painting mice: Rhiannon, David, Chuck, Casey, Sam, Briana, Elizabeth, Danielle, Tyger Bomb.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is from Vancouver:
Ross Covered Mocks
They’re loud and happy. I sing their songs in the shower.
Though as it turns out…. it’s actually just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
- I’m hardly teaching at all next year. So if you want to study with me in person and go on a beautiful epiphany-filled sparkly voyage, come to a Rally (Rally!). May, July and September are almost full. Next year there will only be a couple Rallies, and then we’re done.
- Everything you do goes better when it happens with conscious entry. I highly, highly, highly recommend the Art of Embarking.
- There are now only four spots left for Crossing the Line: the 8 Day Voyage. (password: haulaway).
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
Oh Friday!
The Hard:
I have had conjunctivitis for a month now. It gets better some days, then worse some days. Today it’s as bad as it’s ever been. I have been to the eye dr. 3 times, the regular doctor once, the acupuncturist once. They are all like “it’s viral, has to run its course.”
** I’m seeking any and all advices on this!! Herbal remedies, patron saints to pray to, wacky dietary changes, poultices to apply, commiserations about your month long case of horrible eyes that went away when you did XYZ. **
The Good:
Everything else.
Hi Havi. Hi Friday. Hi, y’all.
Hard:
* overfull bins, both literally and figuratively
* messages not reaching me
* icky scene
* frustrating interactions with political volunteer
* perceiving lack of interest/support in various areas
Good:
* Interview went well; got the position and shift I wanted!
* Tax prep done!
* Sales of book! And its first review!
* Rows of tulips and bouquets of ranunculus
* Discussing fresh plans to resolve not-happenings
* About to prepare sangria, roquefort slaw, deviled eggs, and other goodies 🙂
Shabbat shalom, and a happy weekend to you all.
Cheers Chickeneers!
The Hard:
– exactly one bazillion things all wanting my attention at once
– not sleeping well
– guilt-ing from my mom
– having to do a workshop when I didn’t want to
The Good:
– world class yoga
– lots of time spent writing
– St. Patrick’s Day with friends
– spring break
@Mechaieh — congrats on book sales and review! WOOT!
@Seagirl — so sorry re: conjunctivitis. No rememedies, but plenty of hugs your way.
@Katie — Ack! on multi-tugs and sleep issues and guilt. But St. Pat’s sounded like fun. 🙂
THE HARD:
On the fence on how to deal with a friend who wanted me to get sucked into her Stuff. Suddenly realizing deadline is next Sunday for book. Facing money issues, and running away.
THE GOOD:
Shifting. Discovering the Permaculture Metaphor (which is the rockiningest thing EVER.) Learning about different ways to repurpose stuff. Discovering that routines are sustainable, renewable resources that conserve energy. Eating Snoqualmie caramel gingersnap ice cream, the best ice cream on earth. Remembering how much I love the smell of crushed almonds. Eating spinach!
Mwah. Love you, chickeneers! 🙂
I swear I might have accidentally slept through a few days this week. Either that or time is actually speeding up.
The hard:
The ‘really, is time speeding up?’ thing. Along with feelings of ‘I’m late, I’m late!’ and thinking I should have everything (or at least x, y + z) done already.
The stressful anticipation of waiting for my MA results on Wednesday afternoon. Didn’t get a lot of things I wanted to done + then slept really badly Weds night, and felt zonked on Thursday. Then when I tried to get an early night, I kept getting woken up by people playing the keyboard.
My sinuses are really playing up. Ouch. And yuck.
Remembering how expensive taking the train is now. I feel strongly that public transport should be affordable for everyone.
The good:
I passed my MA with flying colours. So many congratulations from lovely people too. Feeling very accomplished.
Some epiphanies last weekend lead to some chakra healing and from there huge changes in how I perceive pretty much everything. Goodbye scarcity viewpoint. Hello feeling super lucky + blessed + realising just how many of my dreams I’ve got to live out.
So many epiphanies this week, especially about business + money + love. Incredible!
Went for a gorgeous riverside walk today, and a beach walk on Weds (before I remembered it was results day).
Forgetting it was results day on Weds until I had done the one thing I absolutely wanted to get done.
My new pillow is so so comfortable.
Mmm…goodbye week!
Hi, Friday! Hi, Chickeneers!
The hard: My loved one was in terrible pain all week. So hard. Also made sleeping hard for us both. Various day job hard things. Missing people. Wanting to spend more time with friends, and not knowing where to put that.
The good: Progress on the planning of getting hitched! Doing things that were scary. Progress and destuckification around the writing of my paper. Miraculous presence. Finding that doing things mindfully (at least at the moment) actually makes me LESS exhausted; whoa! Consistent meditation. SPRING IN NYC OH MY GOSH! All the little flowers I’m noticing that I’ve never seen before. Puppies. Ohmygosh, puppies. Being able to be there for my loved one. Getting to see far-away friends this weekend!
A very happy weekend to everyone!
@seagirl – the only SUPER CRAZY (but not crazy at all) remedy for conjunctivitis that I’ve heard of is breastmilk. As a nursing mom I was told it was better for baby eyes than pretty much anything else — it has antibacterial properties that are pretty amazing. So that is super awkward but I’m passing it on in case you happen to know a nursing person who would love to help you try something wacky 🙂
Chicken chicken, how are you? I’m so happy it’s Friday.
The hard
Dead hard drive was confirmed. RIP little hard drive. Sadface me had all kinds of stuck and overwhelm about having to get a new one.
Sick kiddo at home. Lots of schedule weirdness to accommodate this — half days home with her, full days home with her, etc.
Snow. Slush. Four days in a row in my neighborhood. The weirdness of the time is out of joint and also sadface me about everyone else around the country reveling in warm (or too-warm) spring when we have trees falling.
My mom said something super awkward to me and I felt so weird about it and wasn’t able to access sovereign words to explain or draw a boundary about it (yet).
Hormones. Doing their hormone dance in my brain. Sadness and overwhelm. The evening pattern (that I know about and recognize but still why why why why) that is very, very sad and scared and alone.
The Wednesday afternoon and evening that felt really Not Okay.
Difficult dreams and going through the morning with their ghosts in my ears and my eyes.
Not quite getting to some things in my VPA and all the feelings of unmet expectations and not wanting to release and ugh. Not able to process through this quite yet, though I know what it’s connected to. This is more of a residual hard than an active hard, if that makes sense.
The big scary traffic project in my neighborhood. Making all out-of-neighborhood travel super complicated and VERY delayed and oh all the red on my google map traffic overlap, boooooooooo.
The Good!!
Grateful to my job and my life for containing enough flexibility to deal with the kiddo’s sick days.
Grateful to sick days for preventing me from trying to accomplish too much this week, and giving me a great excuse to wear comfy pajamas a lot and lounge and snuggle.
The Floop! Oh goodness. So much processing and stone skipping and dialogues this week. All very important stuff.
Dinner with old friends. Laughing so hard my face hurt! I love that.
Progress on projects! Yes. And the State of the Projects Address. It’s a thing and it’s super helpful and I’m excited that it can help me more in the future, too.
The Tuesday at home when I got SO MUCH DONE in the house and was very pleased to have a cleaner, more organized kitchen.
My boss agreeing to let me work from home during the big annoying traffic-producing construction project! Huzzah.
.
Happy Friday to all! xo
This week this week!
The hard:
Still being sick, sort of. I think the germs are all gone, but I’m still weak and shaky and need lots of naps. But at the same time my muscles feel like they want to get back to their usual exercise routine.
Being annoyed at my roommate for not doing housework I felt she had plenty of time to do over Spring Break while I was busy being sick and unable to move.
Being annoyed at myself for constantly being annoyed with my roommate.
The good:
Not as many classes or work shifts as usual, which makes getting better and putting my life back in order after the sick easier.
Taking naps and sitting about and skipping class and not feeling guilty for it!
Talking to my best friend on the phone. This usually makes my whole life better, but I always forget to call.
New idea for my blog which I am implementing and it is fun.
Phew it’s Friday again! This has been a good week for me, which was very welcome after a few weeks of horrid.
All sorts of support, whole-heart sighs, and love to you, Havi.
@seagirl – I use the amino acid l-lysine to manage viral load for shingles and mono-what-doesna-go-away. If you have low blood pressure, though, I don’t recommend it.
congrats, @Mechaieh! That’s terrific!
and @Kylie, WOOO *rah rah* for hitchiness!
Ouch Hard:
– Allergies to the point of skin-bubbles and welts.
– Not in a good food space – major digestive issues and pain around stuff that is normally my comfort food.
– Anxiously waiting to hear back about the Possible NewSpace, even though we were honestly told there would be a delay and and and…
– Workstuff freakouts.
– Not being able to attend Hidden Greenhouse.
– Still (argh still) no vacation for Violet.
– Not Enough Time monsters super-loud and replicating like tribbles.
Whee Good Woofs Woofs:
* Being able to hit the Pause (Paws!) button on the throes of Spacemess.
* Continuing to be grateful for Workstuff allies.
* Being recognized for doing good work.
* Generous responses to last week’s Chicken giving me all happy squiggles
* Ohhhhh Spring blooms sky ohhh lovely – have even fallen in love with the fog
* Seeing a very old friend on Sunday, with whom I have lots of baggage, and having none of the baggage show up. No shoes, no Stuff, just happies.
* Allowing myself to NOT participate in St. Patrick’s Day events.
Loads of support/love/heart-sighs towards everyone and their goods and hards. Mwahs to all who want them, and respect and joy to all others.
Ooo I love how everything has clues, even Chickens. Taking 5 steps back is something I need to do, soon.
And @cathy – I may forever now make use of the “steaming pile of should” bin – although hopefully I can keep it separate from the pile of legitimate iguanas….
Hello, week that was!
some hard stuff – there certainly was that.
~~I missed Chickening last week! Sadface. And entirely getting out of my months-long daily chicken habit. For the last two weeks.
~~Balancing out the good of new, regular clients… old, regular, and loved clients have new joblessness and can’t continue lessons. Oif.
~~Other no-money-for-you this half of the month things happening.
~~I did lots of work to be excited about a Weforia deal for Fan The Ember… and the deal is “live” but not on the website, with no “buy now” button. MRAAR! Working on it.
~~Tension and awkwardness and meanness and mutual unmet needs.
~~Lethargy X 1000000. Hello, always-sleepy beth… do you need to start taking thyroid medicine again? Oh really? See hard below:
~~Hello, INSANE U.S. Health Care system, would you like to mortgage my soul? (for something that cost $16, including medication and seeing a _real_ doctor, in South Korea)
Also, Good Stuff!
**new mantra that is sticking with me an making everything easier: Inhale Love, Exhale Play. Great pattern-buster.
**Finally bought the Shiva Nata App! And discovering that fast-enough level 3 still has the power to gleefully confuddle me. <3
**Rhythm Sanctuary Dancing makes everything better. Everything.
**Morning pages every day this week – so good to get floating thoughts out regularly.
**SUN SUN SUN SUN! with the lethargy came endless reading in the sun. This IS a good thing. And, magicskin is now dark again. Yay, magicskin genes!
**Saying hello to everything. This has only been since last night. It's still amazing.
Chicken!
The Hard:
– Let’s start with getting only 4 hours of sleep last night, when I’ve been needing 12-14 hours of sleep in any given 24 hour period. And how much every part of me hurts with exhaustion.
– I hate traveling. It makes me feel icky and it brings up all my stuff and I don’t like it at all. Except I do, but not right now.
– Migraines.
– Plugged sinuses and awful (non-migraine) headaches. Hoping it’s from allergies and not pregnancy, because otherwise it’ll be a long 8 months.
– Seeing myself do Shiva Nata on video and realizing how out of wack my entire upper back and shoulders are. Almost painful to look at. But how do I fix it?
– So much drama in someone else’s life this week. It’s bringing up all my stuff about the world being a safe place, even though none of it has anything to do with me at all.
The Good:
– I did Shiva Nata with Danielle on Saturday and dissolved two weeks of entrenched stuck in 30 minutes. Shiva Nata always fixes everything.
– So until today’s tired, being in my body hasn’t been a scary thing at all, and that’s been really nice.
– Roller Derby! I love it.
– Actually dancing at ecstatic dance. Which was twice as much of a surprise because I felt really physically icky at the start.
– It may be entirely possible for us to buy a house with someone else’s money this very year. It’s too big for me to really take in, except to note that a(n almost) free house would sure be nice.
– So much progress on making April the month of earning money with love, including getting 1/5th of my monetary goal. Already!!
– Processing everything and anything in the Floop. And people never giving me advice there! It’s intoxicating.
– Listening to Kitchen Table calls I downloaded from the Floop in the car. Epiphanies all around!
– My gentleman friend started a blog talking about tantra and sexual presence and the things he normally just rants about to me that I’m always telling him other people would be interested in. And so far it’s amazing. I’m only a little jealous that he writes so well. Well, a lot jealous but also happy.
– We get to eat lunch at the Ashland Co-op today.
Hand-on-heart sighs and hugs to all the hards and goods that want it.
Hi Everyone!
The Hard
* Being sick. It just drains all my energy and brain power and everything. Writing is hard, work is hard, everything is hard because I’m just sleepy, but I can’t just sleep all day. And my ear hurts.
* Stuff that I put off at work kind of fell apart and having to apologize for that because I screwed up.
* Overwhelm. And lack of time to make up for overwhelm because I just want to sleep.
The Good
* Sleep.
* Saw my mom randomly after my doctor’s appointment.
* I’m silent retreating this one. But it’s good 🙂
* Realizing what to do with my author blog
* Word Count chunking along on my novel.
* Write group with the friends last night – post nap.
This week’s hard:
Recognizing (again!) a pattern that I know about and resolve to do something about but never do.
Distractions from the things I want to be doing.
I wrecked my car. It was totaled. I got a ticket. At the scene, everyone acted like I was pariah. The other person was young, female, blonde, cute, and in tears, and everyone felt sorry for her.
I was hurt and spent seven hours in the emergency room. Released, I had to take a cab home because it was 2:30 AM and there was no one to come and get me.
MrB is in a wheelchair again and it hurts when I push him up the ramp and when I lift his chair into the bed of the truck.
Cranky Fibro Girl says that you know you have fibromyalgia when Ultram is your boyfriend… None of the painkillers are working right now… if Ultram, Darvocet, and/or Dilaudid are my boyfriends, they’re lazy bums who need a kick in the butt!
The cost of another car means that I won’t be able to do any major travel for a while.
Monster dialogs don’t seem to be working. The monsters go all Clint Eastwood on me, and don’t say anything, just dig in their heels, refusing to move. No negotiating.
Feeling trapped because of lack of transportation.
The Good:
Beautiful weather continues. Having sunshine and open windows makes it easier to cope with everything!
There are flowers all over the place — and I’m not having any allergic reactions. (That comes later, when the sweet gum trees floresce — a verb used in my botany books for blooming when the result is sort of green and invisible. I once mentioned sweet gums blooming to one of the neighbors and she was surprised to learn that they bloom. I showed her the flowers, which are definitely un-flowerlike.)
I have goals and plans that are do-able.
I found a new handyman who may be able to take care of a lot of things that have been hanging fire for a long time.
When I took the truck to the shop, they gave me a ride to the bookstore so I didn’t have to sit in their uncomfortable waiting area with *two* televisions. Yay for the bookstore! And for the nice old guy who drives their van.
All of the accommodations we put in place in our house are making it much easier for MrB and me to manage with him in the chair.
Dinner out with some new friends.
More of the good, please.
Ohhhh so much love to you, @VickiB. I am SO sending love to your whole family.
Thank you, @Risa.
I should list as a Good the friends I have, online and analog, who support and care about me.
I forgot to list as a good that I finally found some shoes I can wear for daily walks, so that is going to be happening regularly now. I hope.
¡Hola, Chickeneers! ¡Hola, Havi!
Me too about the forgetting.
The Hard: Forgot how to take care of myself when I get sick. Actually, not true. I just didn’t do it. I wrote about it. But I can tell I’m not ready to ferociously take care of myself.
But that is what I want. To care for myself ferociously.
The Good: I went to an amazing conference with 310 of my tribemates, and it was wonderful. And the re-entry was not a shit show. It was, in face, pretty all right.
Except for the sick.
Love to you all!
Happy Friday!! My hards and goods seem to want to exist in pairs this week… (I almost wrote “in pears.” I suppose it would be nice for them to be in pears too. Sweet and juicy!)
The Hard
Letting other people’s stuff into my space without realizing it.
The Good
Realizing that I’ve let other people’s stuff into my space and being able to release it. Even if the releasing is slow. And even if there is crying before I realize what happened.
The Hard
Wanting to practice NVC and having the words get stuck in my throat all the time.
The Good
Listening to the call with Sonia Simone & Havi where they talk about weaknesses as USPs (NB: that’s an Extreme Paraphrasing that is not entirely accurate)
The Hard
I don’t want to be here! I don’t want to be here! I don’t want to be here!
The Good
Uhm, I’m working way too hard at this hating being here thing. In fact, spending all my time trying to find ways to not be here is much more draining than if I just accept that I am here and actually try to be present. This is a bit of a “duh” moment that I think is finally sinking in. Much credit to Simone’s HipGnosis cupcake session!
The Hard
Depletion! Allergies! Not waking up early because of depletion and allergies.
The Good
Holistic health person who is doing allergy desensitization with me and gave me a temporary symptom reliever in the meantime. I can breathe again in record time!
The Hard
Writing my Toastmasters speech was all kinds of pain and agony this week. Not preparing properly, overestimating my capacity… all kinds of culprits here. (or really just me and the usual monsters… heheh… it’s just one guy.)
The Good
Got really present and gave an impromptu speech that was so much fun and felt great. And I got second place and get to advance to the next level. yay!
Whoa, what a week!
Oh my goodness me… it’s Friday.
Huzzah!!
The hard stuff
This week was emotionally draining.
People want me to know what I’ll be doing in six-months time. I don’t have any options yet, let alone a solid answer.
So much confusion and hurt between my Other Half and I.
Lack of communication about… everything.
Trying to make something special for someone and having it all shot down and even criticised.
Being overwhelmed by a massive sense of injustice in my life.
realising I haven;t done specific things I love (like Shivanata) in MONTHS. Sad faic.
Being lost in the past and haunted by the negatives.
Rumours from people on my course saying “oh well i’m doing the same as you, but it’s impossible.”
So much doubt and fear and crying.
Lots of anger I haven’t worked through yet.
Oh, and my life plan got disrupted by 2 years thanks to four rejection letters.
-sigh- Mooooooooooooving On.
The good stuff
I ordered books and a pretty card deck to cheer myself up.. 2/3 items have arrived already and they’re awesome.
I got the first 500 words of my dissertation thesis written!
I completed a University deadline TWO WEEKS EARLY. Huzzah!
I just made myself my favourite dinner.
I get to spend 3 weeks with my cats.
My other half has been incredibly supportive the past couple of days following two weeks of misunderstandings.
I managed to meet my fears and it turned out well.
Thanks for providing this space, and I’m still remembering that note to put my lip salve on from about 50 fridays ago. 🙂
Happy Friday, or other general day of chickening!
This week… had some serious ups and downs.
The hard:
* On-going crazy cat lady drama getting exponentially crazier.
* Feeling like there’s not enough time to work on what I want, because of a huge looming disaster of a project, that has been dumped on me.
* Still in holding pattern about a big thing, that could change all the other things. Not liking this.
* Best friend broke her arm last weekend. Sad for her, because of broken arm. Sad for me, because we’ll need to rearrange my trip to visit her.
The Good:
* Fabulous day of adventure on Saturday! With wine and cheese and chocolate!
* Slug day on Sunday, and still cleaned the house.
* Getting exponentially better at setting boundaries about craziness.
* Wonderful feedback on a section of the business
* Fabulous new ideas for the intertwined business dreaming
* Ordered new markers for the the business dreaming. I’m ridiculously excited by this.
* Have a wonderful adventure day planned for tomorrow with museums and good food and coffee and chocolate!
I saw the Tweet about this post. As a result, I am now singing “We are the chicken” to the tune of Queen’s “We Are The Champions” in my head.
I think this has possibilities… 🙂
love to all the commenter mice, and yea! on so much good news:
the Suck was not so bad:
-annoying bullshit from th husband that i had to let go
-continued discomfort with sharing space with FIL. i’m working on this but it’s hard)
-the never ending rounds of housework, the other things that it pushes to the side, lack of support on this…welcome to Second Wave Feminism, sez my mom
-so little BunnyTime
-and we really need rain
the Good:
-forward movement on book
-being clear and INTEGRATED enough to push thru my medical stuff, it’s the end of the week and i have accomplsihed evrything i could
-including goign to my blooddraw when i really didnt want to
-better taking care of me, in the form of making sre i have what i need to eat, and i unplug from the crazy the minute i need to
-husband did taxes, we are not taking a huge hit.
-our emergency fund is not at 40 bucks any more
-flexcard refund put some money in my pocket and husband encouraged it to be spent on soemthing lovely and frovolous, just because he knew i needed a treat
-we may be able to fund some gardening tjis year
-humbled by the promises of supprt i recieved from my sister-women.
-asserted Sovereignty in my relaionship in a way that was very scary and has turned out okay so far, and may yield mo betta results down the road
-Ostara. mmmm.
-first floweirnf trees! first daffodils! first flower in my garden (sad pink hyacinths in the back bed). first butterfly! sunny beautiful days! it’s spring
-i was able to flail some new/unfamiliar level 2 stuff this week, twice! and found time to run Level one arms at work or while cooking
-speaking of cooking, i started dancing while i amke dinner. this is old Joy Magick that I re-membered. SOOOOOO grateful for this
-sent off my book contract, and worked on the book. proud of msyelf
Jumping right in
The Hard
– Ginormous Stuckness surrounding a meeting with the CEO of Research. Blegh. Feeling pushed and shoved. And also: this is so old. This has been here so long. I dont want it anymore!
– Seeing my stuff better after above said pattern and some disentangling. The processing is fun but the stuff that comes up – not so much.
– canceling appointments that i was excited about – even though it was better and i was not in the mood due to stuckness the canceling is always sad.
– still not having my bike fixed. still not having found my way back to the dancing classes.
The Good
+ Floop. and processing. it’s like a beacon of hope while rowing through mud.
+ meeting my friend’s new wife. and she’s amazing!! new friend alert!
+ escaping the dreaded meeting. while the monsters where playing it up all week, there musts be an inner genius part of me at work too. i wasn’t ready for the meeting. i didn’t go. HAH’
+ my friend & skype. we have come up with the best way of sharing drinks over skype chat and sharing our day/evenings.
Chickening. Yes.
Hard:
–Lots of mostly school-related issues with my daughter. Among other things, I found out this morning (during my ten minutes of Introvert Recovery Time between preschool music classes, no fair!) that I was expected to be at a school meeting that morning, which I had heard nothing about because my daughter never gave me the letter announcing the meeting. I would have had to reschedule anyway, but it would have felt so much better if I had been able to let them know that four days before the meeting was supposed to start — instead of, you know, four minutes.
–I have That Cold again. Or maybe it’s seasonal allergies. Either way, whenever it happens, I have to grapple with the fear that I will Never Sing Again. Even when I know better, I still miss singing freely, dammit!
–And yet, somehow, I sang my way through four preschool music classes today, even though I felt like Madeline Kahn in Blazing Saddles by the end of it. Not good.
–[silent retreat]
Good:
–I’m rather liking my current weekly schedule. Being done with work before 2PM on Fridays — I could get used to that.
–Celebrated the spring equinox in grand fashion (!) with family and friends.
–Tucked a large iguana into bed and kissed him on the nose.
–Looked at adorable pictures of piglets.
–Read many things that lit me up inside.
–Wrote down a few fragments of song ideas. (YAY!!)
–Gave myself some time to really rest when I needed it.
I may be a bit whiny this week, but on the whole, life is good. Love to you all!
@Elizabeth! Nice one!
Weeeee are the chicken. Together, my friends!
The hard:
+ Oh, you know. “life transition” blah blah.
+ Completely and totally losing my sovereignty over an ongoing-dramatic thing and falling on my ass, literally and figuratively. Wow, never again. GOOD LESSON LEARNED: NEVER EVER DO THAT KIND OF THING WHERE ALL OF YOUR INTERNAL SELVES ARE SCREAMING “NO NO NO NO NO” and you do it anyway because someone else thinks you should. But still hurts hurts hurts hurts hurts with “why did X have to be like THIS” and “why did I respond like a hysterical asshat” and “why why why how how how dumb dumb dumb me me me me!”
+ Spending soooo much time in my stuck. Feeling like the world’s worst destuckifier ever. (Oh, monsters…)
+ Awkward roommate situation. And the impending “well, this just proves that people suck and life sucks” monsters.
+ Being hated and resented even though the other person’s stuff is completely legitimate and “I would be a hateful resentful mess of a person too if I were you” BUT still hurt hurt hurt hurt.
+ Finding out that I am not getting monies but that I OWE them. ugh.
+ a tiny shard of glass stuck on my foot and not knowing how to get it out and being all “um, I hope this doesn’t turn into a long-term problem that I have GLASS in my FOOT that I can’t get out.” and being all “if I had a HUSBAND who didn’t HATE me he might be able to get it out but I am so aloooone, woe is me, blah blah.”
+ Not getting [that thing I want] this week.
The good:
+ Proof that my internal mess doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with the quality of my work. I am a bona fide hipgnosis genius, damnit, and my work has a place in bright shiny springy sunlight.
+ having some really important clarity about my work. setting up goals in a way that feels useful and forward-propelling to me.
+ A friend saying incredibly useful, wise and kind things to me that made everything better.
+ Friends in general. Absolutely brilliant ones. Whatever does one do without them?
+ Learning. So much learning. Growing into Stronger Me, Wiser Me, More Sovereign Me, More Me Me. Even though it’s hard as f*#k, completely worth it.
+ Getting ever so slightly better at finding that internal locus of equanimity in Moments of Crisis. Thanks, hipgnosis.
+ Spring clothes!
+ Netflix. Thank you.
+ As my friend reminded me last night, my health is good. My mama’s health is good, my papa’s health is good. So all is right.
This might be more VPA-ish, but assuming amnesty: next week, I would like it to be slightly less filled with HARD and spending time INSIDE the stuck and slightly more filled with ease and flow and forgiveness and gentleness.
Oy. Diving right in.
This week’s hard:
– So, so much to do. Overwhelm. Delays.
– Very little walking.
– Even less flooping.
This week’s good:
– Beautiful, beautiful early spring. Flowers blooming. Working with the windows open. Fresh air.
– New contacts! Putting the coke bottle glasses away.
– Hunger Games with my niece. Hike in the woods with her this morning.
– Coming into the weekend only a little behind, less so than I expected midweek.
Happy weekend, Chickeneers!
Saturday Chicken! Hooray guilt-free amnesty!
The hard:
– The Week of No Sleep – 9 hours of sleep in 3 days
– return to coffee to sustain no-sleep, all-work mode. I am sorry for being so violent with myself, and for letting all my self-care routines collapse (again! hello, pattern!)
– twelve year old me and seven year old me were hurting this week too. This was difficult to deal with.
– messy room! not unrelated to twelve year old me’s presence this week.
– date mix ups! not cool!
– still no job – anxiety
– a friend who is in pain
The good:
– the weather! Warmth! Excitement over being in sunny room starting May!
– lots of long walks with friend-who-is-in-pain. These were helpful for me too (so perhaps I did not evacuate all self-care methods…hmmm…)
– the date mix up helped me realize something about my relationship with time. It was also a good opportunity to practice grounding and presence.
– the all-work, no-sleep routine sucked, but I managed to not drop any balls (none!), and got a billion things done.
– therapy. I love my therapist. Her capacity to stay present helped me interact with seven-year-old-me’s pain. And holy carp, was there a lot of it!
– the realization that I’m actually handling this part of the year rather wonderfully, that therapy is working, that all the outside-therapy stuff I’m doing is helping (which includes being here and using these techniques) and that I’m actually so much closer to being the kind of strong, loving/open person I want to be.
– first time ever going to a gay bar. It was such a wonderful experience, with significant epiphanies and realizations following from it. Feeling like I’ve finally begun growing into my sexuality.
– Also saw the most beautiful drag queen – beautiful in a sense more than simply aesthetic. The kind of beautiful that touches you.
Hand no heart sighs for everyone’s hard this week, and lots of <3 for the good. Have a good weekend all 🙂
oh thank you esp simone
the hard. massive stuck and found out someone who made a a significant decision that I would love to sniff at and say “oh that , you are doing that really?” with sovereignty but instead monsters crawling all over it, trying to knock my crown off. but I wont let them (dammit)
doing too much, feeling my edge (hello?)
the good
doors opening, windows opening unstuckness evidence and also realising that despite the internal mess my work is better than good it is fabulous and sensitive. (yay)
Invoking Chicken Amnesty! Why, hello, Sunday Chicken! 🙂
This week was awesome!
The Good!
– Took a personal spring break to New Orleans and had the most wonderful time!
– Wrote a VPA about {Silent Retreat!} before the trip, and it totally came true in an amazingly fantastic way! 🙂
– Realized that the key to that VPA coming true was acknowledging what I wanted and giving myself permission to want it. This is a very useful epihphany!
The Hard
– Hmm, I’m trying to think of hard this week, but everything that might be considered hard was either something that I noticed and processed and learned from quickly or something that I chose to do and was actually happy with the decision. Interesting!
So instead of the hard, my chicken would like me to take note of what made this week so awesome!
* Ease
* Trust
* Harmonious Timing
* Receptivity
* Sovereignty
* And wanting what I want for the win! 🙂
Thank you, Havi. <3 whee I’m in the Chicken! Twice! *glee*blush*hide*
Hard:
HSP challenges all week. Everywhere I went was loud & buzzy & exhausting, and I was way more bothered than usual.
Learning the hard way, once again, how much I dislike heated discussion. Being triggered by that and unable to remember how now is not then. Or how to gracefully escape.
Old old pain & related patterns that I am so done with but still keep hanging around. Impatience with myself and then sad at the impatience and bleh.
The phone call that suffered from lack of conscious entry. And I know better! Ahh I so dislike when I succumb to time pressure, real or perceived.
Getting knocked way out of my forcefield by a roommate’s bad mood & negative energy. Having to spend hours repairing it when I just wanted to sleep.
An ongoing pattern of home not being what I want it to be. Needing safety, solitude, silence, space – a supportive and serene environment – and not being able to find or provide these things for myself. (Caused by the HSP challenges perhaps? Or maybe the other way around? Or both? In any case, there’s a definite theme here….)
~
Good:
Lots of useful learnings from the hard things, thanks to conscious exit. Also the phone chat with J-san that was just what I needed to put things in context.
Painting the Playground! Secret ninja trainings & singing & silliness. Plus delicious foods and contagious love of faraway cities. On a related note…
Fun times with friends! Soccer and nachos and beer. Spoonerisms and strong opinions about Rick Steeves. Drink n draw and gamer geekouts. Happenstance coffee shop meetings. The future I saw once upon a time is starting to become the present, and that is awesome.
Finding a lovely red dress that fits and looks good on me! And not hating the experience of trying things on for a change.
Yoga in the dark. The best. Thank you, Havi and Bryan. <3
Rally!!! And all related magics. Epiphanies and serendipities.
Hugs from people I love! Many of them. But especially the one from Briana when I was sad.
HARD! Oh, this week felt very hard.
+[Retreat in E minor]
+Oh, body. You are hard to love.
+Figuring out what to do about the wee bugs nesting in my bedroom windows
+Running out of q-tips
+General tired/stressedness
+trying to get everything done
+a liiiiiiiiiittle more time with [D-Ship] than I would maybe have preferred
+getting nominated to Choirboard. I’m not sure if this is hard or good? it kind of just…is.
GOOD! Also a whole lot of good.
+Project: Rainbow Fiestathon has officially begun!!
+LOVELY meeting with my Clearness Committee
+chocolate strawberry lemonade muffins
+received and completed two puppet requests
+shavasana
+Shiva Nata taking me through Door Number 3!!
+finished making Jayne hat and giveaway’d it!
+reading Autobiography Of Red by Anne Carson (*litgasm!!*)
+vegan Girl Scout cookies!
+going to an a cappella concert with my dad
+Goodbye, eczema!