In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I refuse to believe that it’s Friday.
How could it possibly be Friday? It was just Sunday.
I’m baffled.
But fine, we’ll pretend an entire week went by while I wasn’t looking. Or maybe the Chicken will provide — embarrassingly obvious — clews to what was happening while I wasn’t looking.
The hard stuff
Virus.
I got taken down this week with a virus that mopped the floor with me.
Every part of my body aches.
It’s been pretty miserable. Also: worst timing ever.
Moments of Panicking. (But… is it just one guy?)
Mostly because the virus was making me a little crazy.
But also because launching a giant new Playground and a shop and a studio and a treatment center all at the same time without nearly enough help is really, really, really hard.
Actually, I think the above two are more related than I’d thought.
I just realized that I’m going through some good old Ludicrous Fear Popcorn that now will be like then, and that this will somehow end up like the year of mysterious chronic not-being-able-to-move.
Reminding myself: now is not then.
I didn’t have the same superpowers then. I didn’t know things that I know now.
Okay, let’s make a safe room for me-from-then. I will work through this over the weekend. Thanks, Chicken.
Wanting support.
Opening Stompopolis could really use a five person staff. At least.
But there are only two of us.
And we already have jobs, because a busy online business doesn’t run itself.
Goodbye, goodbye, Bobbi the Greek.
I’m pretty sure no one ever called Bobbi the Greek a good dog.
But he was loyal and loving and curious and effusive and full of doggy essence.
I loved him and I’m very sad.
Walking in the woods at my uncle’s won’t be the same.
The good stuff
Twosie!
Twosie is my best, best, best friend.
He is pink and purple and has enormous eyes.
Sometimes he makes squeaky sounds but mostly he just looks at you.
He holds my hand when I don’t feel well, and his paws are unbelievably soft.
The Day of Doing.
There was one day this week where I managed to get a lot done, despite everything.
And that was a big deal.
Help from my mentor.
Yay!
Encouragement from the Floop!
I get so much done at the Floating Playground, but also there is so much lovely support and encouragement when you ask for it.
Feeling very grateful for the Floop, and for things that happen while Flooping.
Post-Rally epiphanies.
Still getting lots of good things from last week’s amazing-est Rally (Rally!) ever.
It’s all landing.
Amazing stories that I wish I could tell you!
At the end of Rally, I taught a quickie class on how to magic your way through airports.
That wasn’t the verb I used because, you know.
But it describes the feeling and the effect.
Anyway, THE MOST EXTRAORDINARY things happened to the Rallions in airports and on the plane on their way back home.
!!!!!!!!!
Hey, at least I got to do a lot of sleeping.
Lots and lots and lots of sleeping.
That was most of my week, actually.
And I might be sick, but I’m gorgeous.
Very happy with this new post-Rally hair color.
And then I found extremely great zebra-striped pants.
All is good.
The fun part of the Chickening happens here.
Tabstravaganza! Or: what’s Havi been up to with all those open Firefox tabs?
- Amy wrote beautifully about the quality of Impatience (who has an awesome roller derby name and has a photographic memory). Also get Amy to tarot-magic your inbox.
- Janet found peacefulness at the aquarium.
- I’ve been listening to You Could Do Better Than Me by Oh No Theodore because Sarah Beth told me to. This was the song of the week.
From the archives.
Some old, weirdly pertinent posts that I don’t remember having written, encountered while looking for something else:
- Beacons.
- What I really mean when I say “Project”.
- The Cover Story.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is LOUD. And awesome.
We present….
Filters of Distortion
Though, of course, as it turns out…. it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
We have TWO Stowawayship scholarship ships (ship!) available for the June Rally.
This is highly unusual. Jump on it if you can.
Possibly important:
Coming to Rally means playing at the Playground Caboose *and* a full pass to the new (gigantic and incredible) Playground too. Extra Refueling Stations! More costumes!
And VERY important:
Rally prices go up in June.
That’s in a couple weeks, apparently. And given that time has been moving weirdly fast lately, I suspect that June might be here sooner than expected.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
Chicken! ::waves to Havi and Selma::
The hard:
A visit from the You are a Fraud and You Suck monsters.
Also, ruining several paintings by continuing to work on them when I knew I should stop.
The good:
The monsters inspired one of the most wonderful letters I’ve ever received from anyone, from my daughter. She told me not only that I was awesome, but how, and made me feel like I was really being seen and known by someone. My wish is that everyone in the world get a letter like this some time in their life.
Also good, the paintings that got better because I kept working on them.
Have a glorious day, everyone. Havi, I’m sending you virtual Chicken soup (ha!) Feel better soon.
The hard:
Being really tired and hormonal and hungry right now. Never fun, especially when I don’t have what I want to eat in the house. Sad face.
The part of working at elections today that draaaaaaaaaaaged. Yawn.
Realising that I’m really tired and need to STOP. Realising that all the time I spent in bed sick over the winter does not count as time off relaxing + replenishing, and that maybe there is a link between my pattern of doing all the things all the time, and getting viruses of doom.
It is so cold!
The good:
The Yayoi Kusama exhibition. Magical, inspiring, strange, wonderful. So much goodness.
Plus time hanging out with one of my favourite people, who I’ve don’t see nearly as often as I’d like.
Plus eating at my favourite Chinese restaurant.
The part of working at the elections today that was interesting.
Kitty’s fur + skin is so much healthier.
Once I decided that I need to stop, and that right now I can make that decision, and that what other people are doing or their situations has no bearing on my choice, two of three big commitments I had for next week got rearranged.
Awesome dreams about libraries.
Discovering and obsessing over GoodReads.com, and then actually organising myself a to-read list and buying/ordering from library the books on that list. Some of which I’ve been meaning to read for 5 years!
Took some pretty sweet self-portraits.
Even though I’m tired, I have SO many ideas right now. Going to let them bubble away while I take some shavasana.
Love to everyone, and wishes for beautiful weeks!
The Hard:
I was sick for the first part of the week, and then my husband took over for the rest of it. Cranky and trying-not-to-be-resentful at having my usual free day hijacked by sitting on the couch and watching Netflix.
Still missing my hometown and trying to find the good about my new city.
It’s been weirdly hot and I’m trying not to be cranky about it / scared about global warming.
The Good:
I am experiencing something akin to job satisfaction for the first time in forever! I’m learning a lot and occupying that sweet spot that = being a desperately needed helping hand + being a newbie so it’s okay that I don’t know everything yet.
Getting to see an out-of-town friend for the first time since my wedding (last June).
Gently growing a tiny yoga practice (about time, after 3 years of reading this blog…) and I can touch! my! toes! for the first time in my life. Also sneaking some shiva nata back into my life.
Just bought airline tickets for the June Rally! I’m taking redeyes both ways, so if Havi / other Rallions want to share some of their airport magic, I’d love to hear it 🙂
Friday!
agreeing with the time flies thing. I can’t believe. Also aaaaaaaaah.
Let’s chicken!
The Hard
– Ludicrous Fear Popcorns everywhere. Especially about talking about my work and never ever ever finishing.
– exhaustion. the exhaustion was there even before writing a business plan in a week. not enough time! (even if the toughness of it was fun).
– shoes – one that just didn’t make sense. but combine it with exhaustion and it still hurts
– working on my birthday – more specifically having to meet with supervisor X, the one who was mean the last couple of times (well thats how it felt!)
The Good
+ my sister came for my birthday !! i love her so much. and my birthday was just full of love. she is the amazingest.
+ friends. i haz friends in Leuven who are interesting and warm and protective.
+ music. more specificall – mumford and sons came up with new songs last November and I hadn’t heard about that yet! OH MY. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6-EUSvJchI&feature=related
+ continueing my new epiphany. i don’t have the best word for it but i am calling it ‘transcendence musings’ – it’s all about how to achieve this state of zen buddhism traveling flow that happens sometimes when writing or traveling into my current daily life. not sure what i mean either but i am excited about it.
blowing kisses all around
Chicken? Yes, please. Let’s have one of those incredibly fluffy ones that doesn’t even look like a real chicken, shall we? Those are grand.
The Hard
oh. em. gee. so! much! work! I started the week with four projects that have to be finished by noon next Toozday. I’m fairly certain I will still be working on this particular pile of iguanas when the zombie apocalypse begins.
being exhausted because of so much work.
needing big administrators to make decisions so that supervisors can make decisions so that I can plan my life. and not being able to anything about it. which totally sux.
the death of Mystery the Kitty. I knew her for approximately three hours. I really, really wish she had found our house before it was too late to save her.
The Good
At least I know that Mystery received kindness for her last few hours before she went to the Bridge.
The two most difficult projects are essentially finished.
Mini-sabbatical begins the 12th. *Snoopy dance followed by Kermit flail*
Our city’s summer festival is this weekend. That means CAJUN MEAT PIES. Which are the best things in the entire universe. And they happen once a year. Which is probably a good thing.
And that’s my fluffy chicken.
*raises glass to Bobbi the Greek and all other pets who went to the Bridge this week*
How does time manage to fly like that? It’s perplexing.
This week’s hard:
– Overwhelming overwhelm. Waaaaaay too much stuff to fit into the available hours.
– Pushed a little too hard yesterday and ended up giving myself a headache and queasy stomach. Unpleasant.
– Stupid spam phone calls. At 6 a.m. — which is nowhere near anytime I am normally awake.
This week’s good:
– Nice last-minute dinner with my nephew.
– Despite all the crazy, I still managed to get my walks and gardening in.
– The magic of the Deguiltified Chicken Board over in the Floop. Wacky magic.
– Noticings about what makes me feel panicky and strategizing ways to deal with that.
– Seeing a light at the end of the overwhelm tunnel.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
The Hard
– so much busy everywhere and trouble keeping my head above water
– allergies = eye gunk = no contacts = old glasses = headache
– still figuring out how to deal with change.
– more wrist pain
– bus was late. repeatedly. made us late to baseball game (see the good) and me late to work, other days didn’t matter as much, but still annoying.
The Good
– I actually got up to go swimming this week
– making progress on goals
– editing on my novel (even if it goes super slow)
– riding my bike. eye gunk/contact lense issues went away for the bike ride, how nice was that?
– seeing the littlest brother in law (5 years old) play baseball and seem to have fun with the baseball, not just seem bored while picking grass in the outfield
– applied for an apartment for our move in september
Cheers Chickeneers!
The Hard
– typical end-of-semester stuff like grading and exam writing which are my two least favorite aspects of my job
– a student who plagiarized their final senior thesis paper … and now won’t graduate … and I have to tell them this
– not sleeping especially well lately
The Good
– taking time away from work to veg out and paint and take bubble baths despite the objections from my No Time! monsters
– walking in the mornings
– Bings! Of Clarity on projects
Hard:
-Wanting bright sunny happy weather and not getting it all week.
-Pattern of feeling In Limbo.
-So much sleepy. And difficulty with bedtime happening like I’d hoped.
-I have some lovely new shoes, but no new shoes without heels. Frustrating to still be in the mostly-worn-out flats most of the time (since I’m not so skilled at heels yet *and* the new shoes still need breaking in).
Good:
-A customer loved her custom order! So good to both be done with a big project and have made someone happy.
-Got an even more comfy chair for the office–for free!
-There *was* lovely happy sunny weather on Sunday. In fact, Sunday was pretty much perfect. Mentally bookmarking it to do again if at all possible: yoga, followed by massive amounts of Introvert Time in a sandwich shop and in the sun in a park while reading and coloring. I also got a bunch of stuff done in the evening, but it almost doesn’t matter at all–the wonderfulness of the morning relaxing would have still been amazing if I hadn’t been “productive” afterwards.
-Bought plane tickets for a trip to the west coast this summer! Eeee!
Cheeekin!
The Hard:
– Depressed and depressed and more depressed. There were probably some more dramatic parts I’ve erased from my memory (no, there definitely are), but mostly I just sat in bed and didn’t want to do anything.
– Several large disappointments.
– The dramatic parts.
The Good:
– I love the Floop. It is helpful and good.
– Some fun people are coming to the dancing festival/wedding and I am very excited to see them.
– My appetite came back! It’s like each day, the morning sickness veil is being lifted farther away, and I am definitely making up for lost time and lost pounds.
– My belly got so big. And my maternity clothes came. And I look hot all the time.
– Babysitting is the best thing ever. And he calls me Bannanon. And we throw cars at things and roar and sometimes eat a few peas but not usually. Totally my favorite night of the week.
– SILENT RETREAT! But very happy.
Love, kisses, hugs, sighs, etc. to all!
hello friday and all chickenteers. Big sighs for the hards recounted here by all.
the great
+4 day weekend.
+art and dancing and friends everywhere
+lots of meals by the waterfall.
+bad thing never happened.
+happy Beltane!
+so much laughing.
+hosting labyrinth.
+knitting, yarn and knitters.
the blah
-hormonal influences.
-missed morris ritual May 1 with guilt.
-dreaded work return.
-feeling impatient.
A soft squeeze of a weekend to all!
hi chickeners! all your goods make me feel good, and all the hards make me feel not-so-bad about my hards… 🙂 danke!
Hardddddds
-oi! the disappearing client. who did so quite rudely, in a way that leaves me not certain if they’re alive. oh, to be frustrated or worried? great choice.
-(not the same client) who failed to appear as anticipated.
-wow that’s a lot of not-moneys happening now. time for different business model methinks.
-not realizing that this week was bear time. and therefore taking all the sad, sad, and drab personally & “omg something’s wrong” style instead of hunkering down and enjoying bear time. (i watched the entire lord of the rings trilogy. and cried at it a bunch. how did i not know it was bear time?)
Goooooooods!
-awesome long, hard, and therefore meditative hike on saturday
-the realization that, in fact, the sad, sad, and drab had a reason… how fantastic! reframed the entire week to be not nearly as bad.
-using of my studio for MY morning yoga and shiva nata and whoa, meditation too… yay!
-the squirrel that chittered hello and looked in as I was shavasana-ing (badly, obviously, because i had my eyes open and saw it)
-doing the photographer thing
-making shiva nata videos in a gorgeous meadow in front of a mountain!
-wiggled just a little more space for self-love into the self-talk…. ahh.
-reading. teaching. writing. cooking. boyfriend-ing. walking. biking. blading. breathing. all the normal good things that are so good.
Hi chickeneers, May? You are kidding, it’s more like March this morning!
The hard
Rain, hard, cold, nasty rain all week but especially on May Day.Meh, London is so gloomy in the rain!
A bad case of the It’s Not Fairs because, y’know it’s May.
Sympathy too to Lisa – You are a Fraud and You Suck were visiting me too, they brought their pals You are No Good at Anything and You Can’t Change.
Too much. Too much beer to attempt to cheer up. Hello monsters – Yes, it failed, yes I knew it wouldn’t work. Sigh…Too much food. Ditto.
Going to a co-working event that totally didn’t happen. Venue locked & I got cold & wet.
Boris – silent retreat but London people will know what I mean.
The Good
Redbush Masala Chai tea arrived today – w00t! Caffine free ,healthy and delicious, and warming. Take that May!
I didn’t put on any weight and I wasn’t nearly as silly around food as I thought I’d been.
Blanket forts rock.
Making myself go out to the non happening event.Thanking the monster chorus for sharing then letting the scientists persuade them that it be wrong for them to stop me going to anything ever again.
Teaching, it was fun this week. Happy me, happy students. Happy 🙂
Our retro record player. We’ve dug out the old stereo & records. Bliss and Yeah for ancient music!
Ooh – lots more good than I thought, as usual! Deeply envious of rallions & floopers. Maybe some day….
PS BTY – I love checking all the chickeneers latest posts! Nearly as good for me as chickening 🙂
Cluck cluck
Hard stuff
– time flies. And not nearly as much stuff done as I would have liked. I mean, it is MAY which is practically JUNE which means the year is practically half OVER and arrgghh sooo much to do…. Anxiety creeps.
– weekly whinges about money blues and nuclear family set up. Add to these: the patriarchy, dumb people, Australian politics, American politics, the Murdochs, having no computer readily accessible, the tedium of housework, laundry and bills, sociopathic doctors and the general moistness of small babies. So many different bodily fluids…. *SIGH*
– cranky
– I fear my [person I care about ferociously] is getting dementia or something. At least, the stuff that gets forgotten is getting much more frequent and obvious. Which scares me and makes me sad. Combined with their utter conviction that what they believe happened is what happened, and it isn’t.. Forgetful + certain + I care = hard for me!
– old stuff getting stirred up. So much old pain. Ouch.
Good stuff
+ seeing everything as Really Useful Information about myself. EVERYTHING. (Weird but great). Sometimes in time to catch myself before I speak too.
+ ideas for the grand plan frothing. Frothing!
+ wonder baby is sleeping through the night (mostly!) at just eight weeks old. Freak.
+ got a bit done around Feeding the Dragon (ssshhh it’s really about money stuff!)
+ non-violent communication and identity reconstruction
+ yogurt. (By which I mean yoga. But yoga is so loaded up with guilt for me these days (bc really underneath it all and despite all appearances to the contrary it is the love of my life) that it’s easier to think about if I call it yogurt.)
PS: @Julia, touching toes!! So so good. In fact, so many so so good things in the goods. Yay people, yay.
PPS: any yogurt teacher types who care to share: good asanas/sequences for getting my pelvic floor back in order after baby? Have been doing standard standing poses but trying to consciously engage pf which feels pretty good. But progress is slooooow… Anything else you’d suggest? I would love to hear.
Goodnight cheeps. xoxoxo
+
The good: Gaining some clarity about things (very helpful). Talks with supportive and caring people. Sunshine and warmth.
The hard: A very difficult week emotionally, for several reasons. And the worst thing… it appears my cat has eaten a piece of ribbon, she’s seen the vet, and for now we keep and eye on her and wait – so I’m having lots of worry and concern about whether she’ll be okay.
The Hard:
Jealousy. Over how fast my friend can run.
This same friend thinks that the lungs problems I have while running (inability to breathe, excess mucus, nose running) are all in my head. And that if I would just stop thinking “I can’t breathe” I could breathe. And likewise I apparently need to stop thinking “I can breathe. My lungs are open and relaxed.” I know this is her stuff. But she still keeps bringing it up. I know its not worth it to try to explain the anatomy of lungs and exercise induced asthma. And even if it was in my head, that doesn’t make it magically go away. I will just nod and smile and run my own race. I won’t point out that entire medical facilities exist to deal with asthma and they are not mental hospitals. [Advice welcome here: either further ways to deflect/ignore, or comments on whether or not your exercise induced asthma ever improved or if you just dealt with it. I have an inhaler which helps somewhat.]
The Good:
Fun night last night. With glitter eye shadow. And a boy that my friends said always looks at me. Hmm.
Slow weekend this weekend after the non-stop going of last weekend. Slept until 11am.
Hired someone to take my car yesterday to the dump, oil change, vacuum, donation drop offs, drug store run, and then fill it up with gas. I got to stay home and read my new Anne Lamott book.
Ran obstacle course yesterday through the woods, over rocks, up hills, hurdled over gates. Kept moving for 40 minutes. Felt so good.
Ohhh, chicken. Let’s see.
Hard:
–shoes thrown by someone who loves me.
Good:
–the feeling of incredible relief when I woke up from a very realistic bad dream and realized that no, I had not voluntarily taken poison, and I was not about to die!
–carving out creative time and reflective time and just plain down time. YAY!
Hello chicken!
The Hard:
The boomerang boy boomeranged into the psych ward on Sunday. I’d like him out of my house but not that way.
Weeds taking over.
Specialist has given me a provisional diagnosis that I *don’t want* and it involves a diet of not eating any of my favorite things — including most kinds of fresh fruit. In June I’ll get some test results and maybe a different diagnosis. Meanwhile, what do I eat? Besides bananas and cashews.
Pain.
No energy all week.
The Good:
Sitting outside in my Outdoor Refueling Station. Sunshine and nice weather most days.
Thunderstorms at night. Rain on the roof. Great for sleeping.
MrB’s health is improving. He should be out of the wheelchair by the end of May.
The boomerang boy returned home again on Friday, his condition much improved.
Reading a lot.
To all the chickeneers: Hugs for the hard, yay for the good.
I did a Seekrit Chicken last night, and it was much longer than I would have thought. Turns out I was editing myself when I wrote the Chickens for public consumption. So, I tried it Seekrit Style. Yay!
I still felt like checking in here though. I am very grateful for this format, this blog, this space. Sending prayers and hugs for the hard, and receiving the same back. Sending smiles and sparkles for the good, and receiving the same.
The Hard:
-My list of Hards was about twice as long as my Goods. And a lot of them are Really Big Hards, and Really Tiny Goods.
-Wrote a really hard letter, and sent it. Not sure what the response will be, when, or what form. Scared for the worst.
-Basically, constant anxiety, fear, despair, anger, confusion, and sadness.
-Noticing how sensitive I am to what’s going on in my physical spaces, and how it affects the energy and MY energy. Mostly by walking into places that made me supremely uncomfortable–energy that sucked out my motivation to work (both of my offices have/had this), a room that seemed to have more burning cigarettes than people, and various Bus Rides of No Sovereignty. I don’t wanna be sensitive!
The Good:
+It’s the weekend! I am SO enjoying my weekend.
+I’m listening to fun music! And I don’t have to worry about what anyone else thinks about the music I like!
+My Seekrit Chicken gave me a lot of information about myself that may be useful.
+Great adult conversations with an aunt from one side + a cousin from the other.
+I’ve been eating some food that my whole body loves.
+Sun!
Blessings to all, especially the Beloved Lurkers (I’m a part-time lurker myself).
Happy Chickening to all! Loads of enthusiasm and support to any others Chickens who want it.
Happy return to Chickening for me! Hi Chicken! Your feathers are looking quite lush since the last time I saw you.
Ouch Hard:
– The final hard burn to get the move all done this past weekend. There’s a whole unstuffing that needs to happen there.
– The skin dissolution that followed. Ouch, fragile peeling skin.
– And the cough that wouldn’t go away.
– And the fact that there is no money right now – scrounging for change in the laundry bags so we can have good meals
– Work Overwhelm times gazillion and three.
– Nasty nightmares due to white, smooth ceilings.
– Pending work travel unrelated to work overwhelm which increases the overwhelm.
Whee Good Woofs Woofs:
* Being donedonedoneDONE with the move after two weeks of struggle! Yay!
* Super loving Home.
* Ohhh the smell of the flowering trees outside is *heavenly*
* Beautiful Full (SUPER) Moon tonight. There’s a superpower there.
* First Day Bliss today! Yay ladyparts!
* Watching the positive changes blooming in both me and the Lovelyman.
* Taping something to the ceiling fixed the nightmares! Woohoo!
* Work is overwhelming but it is also exciting and I’m damn good at it.
Deep breaths before heading into our Sunday. Sigh. Breathe. Relax. 🙂
Hard:
* deep sadness and weariness and anxiety and frustration and exasperation, on multiple fronts
* nightmares, starring the stuff the subconscious isn’t ready to shed
* trying to discern/decide what to do about stuffs and stucks, even while recognizing that a lot of the stuff/stuck isn’t my job to fix.
* grieving over the unfixabilities anyway.
Good:
* surgery went well; procedure + meds appear to be fixing what needed fixing
* feeling cared about/for
* choosing to stay off-Net from sedation through Shabbat was definitely the right call
* garden show!
Wishing all of you splendor and comfort and spaciousness (if you are wishing for them, in the forms you wish for them).
Yeah, a late Sunday chicken. Hi other chickeneers!
The Hard:
-Learned Helplessless — not mine, which would make it *better* because then I could do something about it.
-being pushed to fix things that aren’t mine to fix — triggered! triggered! triggered!
-lots of unexplained aggravation and short-tempered-ness — makes it hard for me to even be around myself
-baby having a tough week, sleep-wise — this makes it a tough week, mama-wise
The Good:
+Brene Brown book at the library — freaking love her and am really taking her words to heart
+a weekend of escape! — it’s only about 10 miles from home, and I’m very very busy BUT I am sleeping and reading and having 48 hours of time to be unattached to a wife and baby and to breathe and decompress
+being able to recognize that I was being triggered and riding through the discomfort and NOT fixing (tho’ I desperately wanted to). yes!
And now I could really use some coffee. Have a lovely morning everyone!
HARD
+soooooo much stressing about Sight Balls
+overdue library books
+thinking I had lost The Documents
+beating myself up for two days due to thinking I had lost The Documents
+depression
+screwy sleep cycles
+having to clean the apartment, BLEH!
+disappointing visit to potential location for Rainbow Fest
+did not do a lot of writing
+depression, BLEH
+the other stuff, ALSO BLEH
GOOD
+making my Comprehensive Plan for dealing with the Sight Balls issue
+making VEGAN NUTELLA!!!!
+making vegan nutella CUPCAKES! with musical notes on top made of chocolate ganache!
+sharing the cupcakes with my choir people
+K & L coming over to visit for a little while and sharing my nutella with me
+NEW cookbooks!!
+finished all my April crochet missions!
+a Tarot client!
+watching Community!
+getting ready for MY CONCERT!
Better late than never:
the suck (surprising little and mostly self-inflicted):
-feeling non-sovereign and massively triggered around oldest kid’s sceince project. still unraveling it, but my stuff rose up to make shit more uncomfortable.
-yeah, double down on that non-sovereign, resentful etc etc ick-bundle.
-with many places for the you are never prepared monsters to sit (with Fraud and You-Suck and Now You’re Passing all this onto your kids Monsters in tow)
– tired and anxious
-not keeping my discipline with the book writing, no one’s fault but mine, hard to sit with
-very non-inbtegrous moment this morning. shame.
the good (far outwieghed the bad):
-Beltane! (despite the lack of dew befrore dawn)
-Beltane appropriate celebrating (wink wink)
-lots of sweet and patient and kind witht the husband
-really doing my ebst to help kid with project, wanting her to succeed, trying my best, helping her stayy on task, getting the !@#$% thing done. Lots of thank yous from the kid.
-FIL helping with the final touch.
-a wonderful weekedn, inclkuding some shopping, new clothes, rest, gardening and writing.
-the roses are going to bloom this year! (they didn’t last eyar)
-coven meeting on saturday
-more dancing in the hosue, more play in the yard
-feelign very integrated and OKAY today.
-getting really clsoe to finishing the book, having other writing bubbling up, so I won’t be down when I deliver this manuscript.