In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
It’s Friday, you guys!
It’s going to be a beautiful day, I can already tell.
I get to have breakfast with Colleen!
Also, this past week was Rally! And Rally (Rally!) makes things all sparkly.
Not that there wasn’t a ton of crap this week, because there was, but I am feeling strangely optimistic. Let’s do this.
The hard stuff
Way too much going on right now.
Overwhelmed.
Will take a silent retreat on the rest.
Preparing for Rally with way too much going on.
Hard.
Lions and tigers and bears.
So many things that can turn into seeming Doom, even when they are not actually doom.
Scared by shadows this week.
WTF.
The CRUMb died.
The CRUMb is the Crew User Manual. It is like the PLUM (the Playground User Manual) but for the Crew.
So it is the CRUMb instead of the PLUM. The b stands for whatever we want it to stand for. Like booty-bouncing. Or bananas. Or benevolence.
Anyway, it is a wiki.
And this week it totally disappeared.
We have it backed up but can’t reinstall, and are currently in tech support hell. They’ve called in the head developer to deal with our Mysterious Problem, and it’s a gigantic pain.
Also: horrible timing. Disgruntled!
Two day monster conference.
Seriously, two whole days of monsters and insecurities.
And all the worries about all the things.
Own your crap, people.
This week some people thought that the proper thing to do with their crap was to hand it to me.
But that is not how it works.
Really nothing should happen on the monday of Rally except meditating.
I need to be at the Playground singing and doing yoga and meditating and doing the four questions and my other entry rituals.
And I should definitely one thousand percent definitely not go online.
And the bronze medal in the Jewish Guilt Olympics goes to…..
The same person it always goes to.
Yeesh.
This was some hardcore guilt-tripping, y’all.
Some people are scarcity-generators. Which is kind of funny, right? I mean, if you can generate scarcity, you should be able to generate other things too. Theoretically. This person has an abundance of tactics but they all have to do with lack and manipulation.
Anyway. That was exhausting and horrible!
The good stuff
Wow, guess what, monsters?
My monsters were in full force over the weekend.
And I can’t even remember now what they were so up-in-arms about but they were convinced that all the bad things were about to happen, just like that one time, and they had very good evidence for why everything was about to be DOOM.
I used the coloring book techniques, of course, until things calmed down.
And you know what happened right after that?
Undeniable incontrovertible proof that they were wrong. Yes. My monsters were a thousand billion percent wrong in every possible way.
Yup. I’m going to try to remember that.
Reconnecting with an old friend.
My friend Scott was one of the few people in my high school whose company I really enjoyed. The last time we hung out regularly was close to twenty years ago, and the last time I saw him (funny story, I’ll tell you sometime) was twelve years ago.
We stay in very loose contact and I know more or less what’s going on with him and his wife and life in general but last Friday we spent two long hours chatting, and it was as if no time had gone by.
We had a wonderfully easy, funny, play-filled time. We are just as hilarious as we were then. It was the best.
Playdates!
This playdate thing just keeps getting better and better.
My playmate is a just-right match for me and for how I like to play, which is all the kinds of playing, with all the games and all the variations and ALL THE WORDS.
This week we played with shiva nata and music and reading and so many different things. This week was about possibility. About all the things that are possible. So many things!
A song for me.
My playmate recorded a song for me.
Surprise Monday morning stealth playdate.
I did not know this but it turns out that this is the best time for a playdate.
This is also the best way to reverse Monday-morning-panic.
Now is not then. Now is not then!
The day-before-Rally was 100% different than it was last time.
Remembering this and seeing how things have changed was really, really reassuring.
Everything that happened at Rally.
Rally!
I freaking love Rally.
This one (Rally #23) was really, really different than the last few and that threw me for a bit of a loop, but it was also amazing, because Rally Is Always Amazing.
The shiva nata was extraordinary, the smiles were warm, the blanket forts were epic, and things are different and good and sparkling.
The April 2013 Rally is sold out.
Right on.
The Shiva Nata was so hard that we forgot to be giraffes!
We did crazy fun shiva nata, and it was so hard.
One of our extra challenges was pretending to be giraffes every time we did horizontal 3 and vertical 7.
But half the time we forgot because we were so busy with words and qualities and directions and sound effects and music and the compass!
Yay confusion. Yay mistakes. Yay emptied-out-brain of emptiness and all the new patterns emerging and reconfiguring.
That fabled Rally Glow.
Do you know about Rally Glow? That weird side effect that makes everyone weirdly, even suspiciously better-looking?
It happens every time but it happened hard this time.
I don’t think I’ve ever been flirted so much walking down the street. And rally glow happened to everyone, it was very entertaining.
We are all adorable and smiley.
Ask everyone who was at this Rally. It was out of control.
The epiphany that saved the day. No, the year! No, everything!
I have been struggling with a certain systems problem, and until I solve it we can’t open Stompopolis to new members.
This issue has been the bane of my existence.
And something we did in yesterday’s shiva nata jolted my brain into reconfiguring all the connections.
And then suddenly it was so easy: I realized that I had three steps out of order. I have spent hours and hours and hours puzzling over this. And all I had to do was reverse the orientation of these three pieces.
Problem driving me crazy for eleven weeks in a row. Problem solved in five minutes after one very very madap crazy-ass shiva nata practice.
The power of helper mice.
It’s such an amazing thing and I always underestimate how much it changes EVERYTHING to have help.
Usually after Rally I spend about two hours straightening up little things around the Playground.
And then a few more hours the next day.
This time Natalia is in charge of that, and she made everything beautiful while I meditated and did yoga and my clearing-out-after-Rally rituals. What a difference. Huge.
And Marisa helped me work and made everything good.
Marisa! Here! With me!
For oh, thirty whole hours?
I got to hug her all the way to lunch and then all the way through lunch and then all the way to walking her to her cafe!
And then we had a mini-playdate of wonder where All The Problems got solved in about half an hour. And now again today.
And then! This is the plan. I have to miss her for one whole month and THEN she comes and stays until christmas! I love her so much!
All the exclamation points forever!
Things that are worth waiting for.
I can wait.
Who knew?
I can wait for this.
Yoga that changes everything.
Oh man.
I don’t know if it’s because most of my yoga this week happened at the Playground and Stompopolis, but wow.
Bliss-state of bliss. Every particle of me rejoiced in movement and stillness this week, my whole body (even the hurty parts) felt adored and appreciated and cared for.
It was a big thing.
Experimentation.
Like having a designated helper mouse after Rally.
Like trying new (shivanautically-inspired) sequences in my yoga practice.
Like turning the Wine & Cheesening into just a Cheesening, which then turned into a monster-coloring party where there was also cheese.
We broke out the the monster coloring book and all the crayons, colored pencils and markers. And we had at it.
It was funny and sweet and companionable, and I loved it.
Experimentation worked this week. The monsters were not loving it, but the evidence to support my “experimentation might be useful!” hypothesis stacked up in my favor.
Thank you.
Thanks Beth and Andrew who sent fabulous presents for the Playground this week.
Thank you, everyone who was at Rally. Thank you, everyone who played during Plum Duff. Thank you, pirate crew at Stompopolis. Thank you, everyone from the Floop who made me laugh this week.
Thank you thank you thank you.
And thank you, everyone who reads this. It’s been seven years in this online home, and I like it here. Thank you.
From the archives.
Some old, weirdly pertinent posts that I don’t remember having written, encountered while looking for something else:
Things I didn’t know that I knewabout nests.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band:
Forgot To Be A Giraffe.
Though, of course of course of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
TODAY (Friday) is the very last day for Plum Duff.
Plum Duff is a very occasional thing where we have special stuff available that you can’t usually get. And bonuses. And raisins.
It is special and it is lovely and it is ALMOST OVER.
So. Here is the hidden Plum Duff page. Password: heaveaway.
It will be gone tomorrow.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
p.p.s. Last day for Plum Duff. Plum! Duff! Password: heaveaway
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Cheers, Chickeneers!
The Hard
– deadlines for Two Really Time-Sucking, Boring, and Loooooooong reports this week
– three hour meetings that start early in the morning (seriously, why?)
– not taking enough time to write
The Good
– The reports. They are done!
– havarti cheese + garlic Triscuits + wine
– jewelry party
Three cheers for Plum Duff! Such a glorious thing.
The hard stuff:
–Running headlong into my stuff while dropping in on a Shiva Nata class. Apparently, I’ve been holding my thumbs wrong for the past three years?! Embarassed, confused, awkward. Tried to console myself that in Shiva Nata, feeling confused and awkward is part of the point! (As for feeling embarassed, well, that’s my stuff. Hi, stuff. Working on it.)
–Getting ambushed at lunch. Silent retreating on the details, but oh, man, this pattern is getting old, and when is it going to be resolved at last?
–Hi, I’m Kat, and I am addicted to the Internet. I mean, I knew this, but oh man, I have really been feeling it this week.
The good stuff:
–Dropping in on a Shiva Nata class! With Andrey Lappa! And with other lovely Shivanauts in attendance — such a delight getting to meet them!
–I had a mysterious magical awakening yesterday evening, and it’s still rippling this afternoon. Kind of like Russian nesting epiphanies!
–The joy of follow-through! Lately I’ve been doing a lot of deciding to do things, and then doing them, which feels verrrrrry goooooood.
Happy weekend wishes, Chickeneers!
I am now overcome with curiosity on what it would be like to be a giraffe…
This week! What happened to it?
Harrrrrrrrrrrrrrds (said like a pirate, to make it less hard)
-OMG the beautiful bicycle was stolen and it was SO MUCH my fault and it’s the coolest thing I own(ed) +terrible symbolism +beating myself up for all the everythings, including beating myself up for grief. WAH!!!
-Blech the paperwork. Hours and hours running around getting things rubberstamped. Getting flustered and THEN getting a parking ticket. Ragifying.
-It’s my last week being at home by myself while the dear boyfriend is working and I will miss it oh so much.
-Hiding from everything by reading amazing harry potter fanfics. who knew? good but blah the hiding. Seriously, did I do nothing? More or less.
-Avoid. Avoid. Avoid. and the bleh that causes.
-Last lesson with a great client-friend. Sad sad sad stopping of connection.
Goods. (I’d say Gooooooooooooods… but I say Goo to bad things… so close to good though… (?))
+A lovely cool rainy day, that was pretty great.
+Amazing yoga times.
+Rollerblading, even briefly.
+Happy anticipation. 17ish days to Panama!
+The amazing bike rides, in the dark, in the sun… (prior to GAK bike vanishing… at least it was a good send off?)
+Letting everything happen under the surface. I feel more ready then I did at the beginning of the week, although anyone looking at the house would not guess so.
+Oh! Right – this past weekend was much fun! Gorgeous hike in the beautiful mountains, happy just-enough hanging out with friends. Deliciousness and laughing and mules.
Oh hooray, I feel like I cleared out the cobwebs about this week… I really had no idea what happened when I started.
Chicken! Someday, I’m going to have chickens and every time I chicken I’m going to go out into the backyard and yell “chicken!” at the chickens and they’ll be like “what?” and it’ll be the best thing EVER. EVER.
Also, this week was RALLY! I swear that any time there is a Rally my week goes better than it would otherwise, but this is especially true when I am at Rally as well and especially especially true when my best friend is also at Rally with me.
So yes.
The Hard:
– Pre-birthday freakouts to the tune of “I have no friends.” Which turned out to be entirely wrong, but it was still not fun.
– The back neighbors holding a loud drunken party until 4a.m. at which point I finally gave up sleeping and got up to yell at them, only to discover they’d abruptly stopped and now I was just being cranky and in my stuff and keeping myself awake. The morning of my birthday. Which was kind of a packed day and would have gone better had I slept.
– My friend’s ex getting very in her stuff in a more spectacular way than I’ve ever seen anyone get in their stuff. Including threats with knives, etc.
– Everything is different now! And there are some people in my life who are having a rocky ride to the new level. They’ll get there; it’s just bumpy.
– My knee randomly and spectacularly refusing to work. And how difficult this makes everything.
– Stupid mandatory clothes shopping with colors I don’t like that aren’t flattering and nothing that fits and me picking up people’s stuff and monsters showing up in force and bleh. I went *into* the store feeling attractive but that is not how I came out.
The Good:
– My birthday was freaking amazing! Everything minus the part where we got threatened with a knife. But I got to spend the ENTIRE DAY with my friend R and then E came into town and we played board games and listened to my favorite music then we went out and IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!
– The Next Level! It kind of flickers in and out sometimes, but it turns out it is always there. And it is a really fascinating place. I got to meet this entirely new person, and she is me, and I really like her. This made Rally amazing! Many of the things I used to do to feel safe I either a.) just don’t have to do, or b.) do automatically without even thinking about it. Crazy. <—It's stuff like this that makes destuckifying/life generally worthwhile.
– Turns out I never stopped being an artist. And I'm not waiting to start being an artist again. I may be waiting to use paint and charcoal again, but in the meantime I am an artist in crayons and markers and I am satisfied with this.
– Teeny tiny things! And the things they say.
– Every time I made up a story this week, it was proven spectacularly wrong. I kept a list. It happened 7 times. 7 times I was absolutely certain that I was right about something and every single time I was absolutely not right about that thing (which was always very good) and it's cracking me up.
– Luggage can carry itself! Metaphorically but also almost literally. This will make everything much easier, but especially packing.
– E was in town!! All week!! And I got to seeeee her!!! And she drew me a teeny tiny umbrella and it was exactly as teeny tiny as it needed to be.
– Turns out that Rhiannon-of-the-next-level has a completely different reaction to most foods than Rhiannon-of-the-previous-level. This was/is hard too, of course, especially the Day That I Misjudged Cheese. But the things that I got to eat! Without going crazy or ending up in pain! #hopeful Also the foods I *like* are totally different now, as well as the amounts I like them in, and that's interesting too.
– Yay!
This is helpful
I don’t want to do my Friday Chicken, however!!!
Hard things WERE HARD. I am afraid they will STILL BE HARD.
Good is good in progress. It is not as good as it could be and that is hard, too.
Getting there, being there, maybe I will feel better after I do my morning meditation. I’ve been up since 730 and it’s now 230 … clearly no longer morning.
um. silent retreat!!!
Hard:
-A minor health annoyance (silent retreat on details)
-Sleep schedule has been not where I want it. Leading me to miss Sunday morning yoga class. Sunday morning yoga class is really important, but so is getting 8 hours of sleep, and I don’t like that I had to choose between them. Grumble!
-The video game I’d been looking forward to playing seems to be buggy, and also 3D games give me headaches.
-Some time-claustrophobia, though I’ve been dealing better than in the past.
Good:
-Co-flailing with people in the Boston area on Saturday! It was awesome!
-My partner and I ran into a carnival/parade on our way to Sunday brunch. Cheering, dancers in flamboyant feathered costumes, extreeeeemely loud music from speakers on trucks. Tiny children in feathered outfits! I felt so happy to have stumbled on the parade, like my heart was overflowing. Then I ate lobster eggs benedict. That was pretty much the best thing.
-I’m feeling like I know more about self-care being able to coexist with Doing Things. And I’ve even been able to experience the two supporting each other. They used to feel like opposites! This is huge!
-I made good progress at work. I did a difficult-for-me thing to advance my Fandom Project. I got a bolt of inspiration out of nowhere that I can play with on Sunday.
@Shivanauts: there’s a proper way to hold your thumbs?! (it probably says so in intro notes but it didn’t sink in w me obviously!) So I’ve found four possible positions you could hold your thumb: straight out in line with the palm, close to the palm, across the palm, or straight up perpendicular to the palm. And I’m telling ya, Level One with Thumba Nata is haaaard y’all!! Heehee.
@Rhiannon: you are talking about LUGGAGE, right? ( http://wiki.lspace.org/wiki/The_Luggage )
Ahem. Cluck!!
Hards
– sicknesses still dragging on, if slooooooowly improving. Please overworked body, could you just get better already? I’ve ignored and neglected you so hard this week! Come on! (eeerr…)
– too much too much too much, and not enough support. Systemic lack of sufficient support. I bet it’s part of the capitalist plot. Actually, that’s probably not paranoia but truth. Ugh, if only I had the energy to subvert the system. But I don’t, because of the plot!! Bastards!
– debt dragon growing increasingly hungry and scary, so that I’m avoiding feeding it for fear of getting eaten alive. Oh this pattern this pattern this pattern.
– cranky kids. #teething? #theusualfrustrations
– who me? Just me, not defined by my body parts or the functions I perform in my home? Who would you be speaking of?? Oh, I think I have some vaaaague recollection of a person like that, but I’d hardly recognise her if I saw her today.
Good stuff
+ several good, positive, definite, in-the-hard ACTIONS (!!!not just good intentions!!!) to help improve Little Lad’s weight, energy and resilience despite his aversion to food. And the kinder team on board. Yay.
+ playing Priestess In The Temple makes boring domestics slightly less incredibly boring. Also: surfaces! I found some. (Cue AbFab Edina moments: surfaces sweetie, surfaces!!!! #bbcreferencesthatamericansprobablywontget)
+ using my diary helps me remember appointments, who woulda thunk it.
+ more pleasant atmosphere at home. Thank goodness. Thinking perhaps I’m more permeable to the ‘energy’ of other people than I’ve ever given myself credit for. This is good and hard.
+ planning dinosaur party for Little Lad including trip to the museum and afternoon tea at adventure playground next to the museum. And the Museum is free to get into. It rocks! (Rocks? Geddit? Fossils that rock?! Arf arf!!) Me likey parties.
+ hubbie was featured artist on national broadcaster this week. Jazz on!
That’ll do. Xx
Hard:
* Shredded tire. On way to dentist.
* Unexpected expenses. Including new tires.
* Crap timing / congested calendar
* Envy
Good:
* Buying honey cake from my favorite bakery
* Possessing the patience to wait for things & wait things out
* A mojito yesterday; a concert tonight
* Being paid today
* Being paid to put things in order
* Keeping my sweetie and my doggie fed
* Andy Murray winning his first Slam
L’shana tova to those of you celebrating Rosh Hashanah, and shalom uvracha (peace and blessing) to us all!
I waited until finishing Rally to do a Friday Chicken, and I am completely satisfied with that. I win because now I can play in the same way without a monster telling me I am doing it wrong. (Hush, I heard you the first time.)
While I want to do the good first, I will do the hard.
The hard:
— I relate to the ‘Yay Life!’ sticker on the elevator. I relate to it as – I have found my path. It is hard to hear others stumbling on the path. It just -is-. There is nothing wrong with the stumbles, but the fact that their road does not look like my road… this is hard. This takes a moment to sit with.
— The moment where you hit on that thing that makes you sob like your heart is breaking in your hands. This happened at least twice in the Playground. Once in the middle when everyone else was doing yoga where I was SURE that everyone else could energetically hear it — although, out loud there was nothing.
— The moment where you follow the heartbreak to heal it, instead of living in it again.
— Where you commit to a thing that will be your next year’s happy thing. In this case, my project at Rally pushed me and poked me to dream about putting a hot tub in my backyard, which I had dreamed SO HARD of for the last two years. And a random chance today let me commit to putting a deposit down for one.
The good:
— I am convinced that I can take a week to be unavailable to most of the world and no fairies will fall. Even if this means that I will take a midday hour at Common Grounds to be in the sunshine – there is no one to tell me I can’t. Nothing will be wrong.
— Wine! I have much of it. This is a happy thing, although it is the presence of wine and not the drinking that causes happy. It is the idea of possibility of fantastic parties.
— Karnak House will have a sacred pool. I am requesting that this be here by the end of September. (My house has been named Karnak House since the day I bought it.)
— I got a call today that will financially cover a significant portion of the Sacred Pool. This is both great and confronting. This confirms the superpowers I (silently and outloud) asked for at Rally. Rally is real. Rally Magic is real.
— I discovered what made doing AirBnB so hard for me as a host. I was energetically trashing Karnak House.
@Claire: Close to the palm is the way that Andrey said to do it. Before that, my thumbs had been sticking out at angles, just being where they naturally wanted to be. I hadn’t really thought about them at all! After two days of playing with the new hand position, though, I’m beginning to believe that it will eventually feel comfortable. In the meantime, I have a brand new way to make the practice harder!
Cluck ahoy!
Hard:
– not sleeping. Insomnia is a way of life for me but this was ridiculous. I haven’t slept for more than two hours at a time all week, and have been getting about four hours sleep in 24.
– brain fog. Not sleeping would have been bad enough but I never quite woke up either. Spent most of the week in a fog. Not just brain-tired. Forgetfulness, missing things, losing things. Making everything harder.
– pain.
– no energy.
Good:
– I found out that part of the brain fog was from electrolyte imbalance. As soon as I dealt with that, the fog cleared up! Yay! It appears to be very delicate and precarious, apparently because of dietary changes I had to make because of IC. But with attention and care, it *can* be managed.
– beautiful weather.
– lots of books. Even when I couldn’t focus on reading, just knowing that they were available was great.
– going to Chicago for four days. Museums here I come. I love museums.
Sending support and hope and hugs to all the chickeneers.
@Claire – Yes! That! Exactly like that!!
@Claire: I unpacked when moving to Ab Fab on youtube last fall and it made the whole thing SO MUCH BETTER. I like when someone else is Edina because then I get to play PATSY 🙂
Very hard week.
The hard:
Typically of this week, I typed up this chicken and the computer ate it.
Very exhausted and sick all night last night, woke up every hour in a total panic, horrible, torturous. Missed my class this morning because if it. I’m pretty sure it’s precisely linked to a little cheat on the paleo/GAPS food thing that has been working so well for me in general. Sad. And scary how much mind-spinning a gluten free bagel and a cup of decaf can cause. 🙁 At least I know. And the reactions are worse the cleaner my diet gets. But I knew that.
Head spinning with all this, into territory of “what the hell am I doing” in the overall scheme of things
Avoiding yoga
Beating myself up for preferring to watch PBS or netflix over doing yoga
How hard it is to remember that 90% of my hard is not of my choosing and not in my control–I keep thinking I did something wrong to be in such a crap situation and can just make a better choice and fix it in a day, but with my situation right now that’s not true.
Thinking: “If I had done THIS and THIS two years ago everything would be SO MUCH BETTER NOW” ugh. When I can’t really get to committing to THIS and THIS right now even.
Rush hour traffic: what a waste of cortisol
Major “finishing” monsters because the thing is almost done. These are very scary & overwhelming.
Feeling like I should be working ALL THE TIME but then also the routine getting so messed up that it’s maybe taking away work time.
The good:
Chicken broth (actual chicken not checkin broth, ha) and beef broth are slowly fixing the cheat symptoms, glutamine, enzymes: I have my little time-tested arsenal.
Lock magically installed on my inner studio door 🙂
Over 5000 words written somehow on Wed and Thurs, other things accomplished in same arena Monday and tuesday but I can’t remember what exactly
Blue dress
Being reminded when I am overtaken by Finishing Monsters that I am a super crazy person in terms of being hard on myself and having high expectations–this works. Normal people in normal workplaces do not get to act the way I get to act to myself in my brain when locked up alone writing.
Though avoiding yoga I do not avoid shiva nata, I like it and look forward to it and get to it most days without problems, turn to it when I feel dread and misery around the finishing monsters and it helps, I always feel energized and happy around it.
2 hours of EMDR, this is good but I think this made things extra hard on last night’s night of hard. I could feel my brain skipping around and making new connections and I think that is bad for sleeping!
Help is arriving this weekend.
hugs to the chickens & have a lovely weekend xoxo
I just read this entry from Meditations for people who (may) worry too much / Anne Wilson Schaef and it reminded me of Havi’s monsters and how none of us are alone in handling those little furry guys…
“Fear is faith that it won’t work out.” — Sister Mary Tricky
“Fear is like an insurance policy. We pay money to bet that we won’t live, and then we do everything we can to win the bet.
“It’s difficult to see fear as faith and, yet, I think Sister Mary Tricky is right. Our faith becomes confused and misplaced at times.
“Our experiences have told us time and time again that things do work out. They may not work out the way we thought they would or the way we thought we wanted them to and… they do work out.
“One of my mantras in life has become: ‘This isn’t how I thought it would look.’ I have discovered that this outcome does not necessarily mean that things are bad. Often, it only means that I have just been short on imagination.”
@Katie Hart: I read that as “not taking enough time to waste”. Perhaps that’s what I Need to Work on. LOL
@Kathleen Avins: “Lately I’ve been doing a lot of deciding to do things, and then doing them, which feels verrrrrry goooooood.”
OMG, I completely Know this feeling! I think I might Need to also find my pirate hat and get on this ship. Wanna embark on some more adventures like that together vicariously?
@Claire: I hate to sound like an egotist, sweetie, but right now it’s ME ME ME!!! LaCroix, Saffy, lacroix! (I miss Edina & Patsy soooo mcuh)
the suck:
-hyperextended hip. pain, discomfort, mobility impairment, impaired SLEEP, and panic about the future “what i should i do, how can i fix this, what the hell?”
-total failure of sobriety
-hip issues means no Movement. Non-sobriety means eating more. Ergo, feeling tubby and stuck at this weight/silhouette and i just dont want to be here and nagry at being stuck.
the sparkle:
-so far outweighed the sukc!
-increased productivity at work! increased focus and initiative, persistence and diligence! Rewarded by closing 3!!!! files this week. Since a month will go by without one fonished, this was a big deal so yea!
-the nergetic clearing lasy week really moed somthing wretched out. feeling equal to the task. feeling positie in the face of suck and boredom.
-mmm, contour wrap yesterday, with an online coupon. yes, i kinda cringe, but i’m loving the option of getting some nice body-care for cheapish.
-i started doing Bhramari and DAMN
-pieces moving closer together
-i just spent the morning at Berry patch farm with the 6yold’s girl scout troup and y’all it was awesome-sauce. the farm, the view, the deep spriitual vibe (these people really interlock their Christain faith with this farm and a whole enlightened agri-culture renaissance. it was really wonderful.
-realizing i am so blessed, because the blessings just keep raining down.
The hard:
Getting back in Moscow last night to find someone parked in front of my driveway which is guaranteed to make me feel really angry and bring up my stuff and also make me feel like Rally was a million miles away.
Walking into my house post-Rally and having everything feel yucky.
Also, silent retreat.
The good:
Rally! I’m still figuring out how I feel about Rally (Rally!), comparing expectations to results, and if this changes anything, and there are a couple small monsters saying I’m the one who screwed up Rally and various things, but mostly I am happy about Rally (Rally!). It was super fun.
Getting a week in Portland! To chill and eat good food and walk up and down Alberta and BE ON THE WEST COAST. Because everything is better on the west coast.
Ocean! Having the time and opportunity to spend a night on the ocean pre-Rally and be in the salt water and sing to myself and look at the sky and look at the sand and pray.
Getting a week to hang out with Rhiannon! And also David and the hidden baby. And play boardgames. Yay!
Meeting lots of cool people. From Pablo the painter/pizza-maker to the various people who passed through the hostel to my fellow Rallions. And I am so grateful for all the interesting and wonderful people I got to talk to this week.
Just before I left Portland yesterday, I slid down every slide in Alberta Park to learn about ease through fun (like I was told to do via stone skipping), and then this three-year-old was like, “The playground is a ship and I’m a pirate! A pirate with a light saber!” And the three-year-old physically pushed me off the playground. You guys, post-Rally, a pirate kicked me off the playground-ship. I am laughing so much.
So when I got home last night, as I mentioned in the hard, the energy in my house was just suffocating, so even though I was exhausted I used all my Rally (Rally!) techniques to clear out my room and fill it with ease and peace and whatnot. And now every time I walk in my room I’m like “Ahhh,” giant happy sigh.
@Esme – oh my goodness… that is hilarious about the three-year-old!! Yay for slides! And yay for clearing the energy!
The Hard
-Nope, not going back to live where I was living when I left to go to rally…. not really my idea of a pleasant surprise. But hey, rally was the perfect time for this to happen because of all the things I was working on.
-All my stuff (physical objects, that is) still being in the place I am no longer living. (Of course this was the one time in life I actually packed light for a trip… so now I have no clean clothes and am having to do emergency laundry.)
-Now living in a studio apartment with another person. A TEENY TINY studio apartment that is smaller than the living room in my old apartment.
-Remembering again that other people just kind of suck at being considerate and why do I even try so hard?
-Long drives… I’m getting better at long drives but they always make my body oodjy.
-Rally being over… so sad. I feel like I blinked and it was gone.
The Good
-OMG. Wally fixed my shoulder for like 3 whole days. He is amazing. And gave me some new ideas for things I might try to help it not hurt all the time. Yay, Wally!
-Rally. RALLY! Rally. So much rally.
-Forgetting to be a giraffe.
-Delicious yummy wonderful Alberta St. food. Gluten-free FTW!
-New project and new potential project.
-Contra dancing, board games, line dancing. Portland has all the things I love.
-New rally friends! And old friends at rally!
-I have a buttmonster.
-I am suddenly no longer in the stuck about having a home while traveling. Home is with me! And my car is a purple yurt. And I can go wherever I please.
Meh… oh man… hard chicken this week. I’m still in my stuff about this living situation. Tequila shots in the elevator shaft??
Mmmm…leisurely Sunday chickening FTW.
The hard
The tired.
Finding myself somewhere with unbelievably grim food on offer, and very little that wasn’t full of meat or fish. Bah!
Knowing that right now several things in my business are not working at all, but not sure how to find solutions to this or being sure about what I want to do.
People cancelling en masse at the last minute.
Bizarre issues with it taking ages to pay for stuff – both out and at the guesthouse. Frustrating!
Getting incredibly cold on the graduation day.
The good
Going away! So much good stuff: really good drives there and back; exploring the coastline; the cafe on the beach with the lovely staff and tea; clean, friendly guesthouse.
MA Graduation – so lovely, lucky with the weather, got some sweet photos and celebrated with chamapagne and chips. So many sweet messages and words of congratulations.
St Ives – especially the Tate + Barbara Hepworth sculpture garden. Gorgeous – and delicous lunch overlooking the rooves of St Ives.
Glastonbury! I am so smitten. AND got to see a beloved old friend. The Tor! The Chalice Well! The awesome shops and food!
Managed to be spot on with estimating money needed for the trip. Whoo! And improved relationship with money means that I could enjoy spending money on stuff I value: like delicious meals + entrance to the places I really wanted to see.
Came back to find an online sale on at my favourite dress shop and snapped up two gorgeous frocks at a 60% discount.
Taking Friday as a recovery day, snuggling in bed with tea + books + cats.
Feeling like there are many options available to me now. I am not trapped!
Glorious day yesterday: long beautiful walk on a new-to-me part of the South Downs, broken with a super-yummy lunch in a beautiful town and buying cute kitchenware; then chilling out with delicious food + wine + favourite Italian detective series on tv.
And something I’m silent retreating on right now!
Sparkledust for everyone for the week ahead!
Saffy: Where are you going?
Edina: New York.
Saffy: I didn’t think they let people with drug convictions in.
Edina: Darling, it’s not a conviction.
Patsy: Just a firm belief!
Oh, chicken. How I’ve missed you.
Quick Chicken between jobs!
The Hard:
-I know what population I’d like to try to work with now. And it’s not the one I’m working with. I need more schooling and I’m not sure how that’s gonna work.
-Ankle pain-a-looza.
-No time no time no time to do anything! And I have so many things I gotta do, and a lot of them need to be done during business hours, which is when I work.
-Still sick, gotta go back to the doctor. Had a sore throat for 3 weeks straight. I need to get something to knock this out.
-Not sure the wisest way to spend my money. And no time to plan out a budget.
-All my energy is going into work, and I’m having a hard time adjusting. I went from 0 jobs to 2 jobs in about a week. Very abrupt transition.
-Also having unrelated to sore throat symptoms, and I (stupidly) went on Web MD and looked them up, and now I’m terrified that I have a horrible disease.
-Getting up super-duper early. Not my favorite.
-Especially since I’m sleeping on my mom’s couch. I have no space for myself, my cat is on the other side of the lake, and I didn’t bring my own food over so I have to eat all my mom’s diet food.
The Good:
+I’m employed! I have 2 jobs! I’m finally making money again!
+I actually kinda like my job! At least the morning one. The afternoon one, I’m not sure yet, because today is only my 2nd day.
+Fall is here! I love fall.
+Saw a really really beautiful sunset on Sunday.
+I wrote a rap! And recorded it! And it was fun! We are working on finishing this song, and then we’re gonna make an album.
+And by we I mean me + my bandmate/gentleman friend/new favorite person in the whole world. It is so awesome just being with him. I am so so lucky.
+Perspective from working in the Special Needs classroom
+I think that I’m doing well at my new jobs, at least so far
+Snatches of internet that I have been able to get.
+I get to Rally! In February! I still haven’t worked out how I’m gonna get there + all, but I’m gonna finally do it!!!