Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
What worked this week?
Devoting my Fake Beach Day to a specific project.
I’ve had this writing project that is not a work project and not a personal project, and so it never gets any time.
This week I gave my Monday over to this project. I wrote for five hours straight and at the end I had fourteen pages of exactly what I needed to say. I wouldn’t want to make this a regular thing but in this particular case it was just right.
Changing location.
Meshaneh makom meshaneh mazal.
Change your place, change your luck.
Going to the Tea House with one writing project, one notebook and a pen. And a companion doing the same.
Playful writing date with my playmate.
It turns out that being slightly distracted actually helps me focus.
I got another huge writing project done on Wednesday. All the sparklpoints to meeeeee!!!!
This particular project has been driving me batty since APRIL. Anyway, my playmate gets credit for texting me sweet distractions every fifteen minutes or so. It was exactly the right thing.
Having company without being with someone. Having shared anticipation, laughter, joy while still being on my own. This was great.
Next time I might…
Let a zombie day be a zombie day.
It is a known thing (with much documentation in the Anthology of Havi) that when a zombie day strikes, nothing is going to happen.
Resisting the stuck just makes it worse. There is only one thing to do on a zombie day and that is to take care of myself. To replenish. To do the things that will help it maybe eventually turn into not-a-zombie day.
The sooner I remember this, the better things go. The problem is that zombie day will show up at an inopportune time and I try to bulldoze through it and make it a Doing Day anyway.
Letting a zombie day be a zombie day is the fastest way out of a zombie day.
Give Annoyed Me a notebook and a pen.
It turns out that Annoyed Me has a lot to say about [situation].
And the longer I wait to process, the more frustrated she feels.
It makes sense that I don’t want to do this. I’m definitely not looking forward to finding out just how much annoyance is in there, or how much is actually directed at me and not the situation that I think I’m annoyed about. But I don’t have to do anything.
Just letting her have her say will make things easier. And I don’t have to solve anything. Just hearing her out is a starting point.
The hard.
- The news.
- Being around people.
- Being out in the world when everything is painful and zappy.
- Working on the weekend again.
- Ten days without dance class.
- The thing that I put on my lips that I love has been discontinued!
- The second thing that I put on my lips that I love has a new packaging and I do not like it. Grumble.
- Feeling overwhelmed.
- A morning meeting that put another two hundred things on that list. I got them all done but then it looked as though nothing had changed. Feh.
- All the cobwebs in my life were extra visible this week.
- Still have not figured out what to do with the dolphins and the herrings (proxy).
- Feeling annoyed about a situation, and no time to process this yet, and now reaching extreme annoyance levels.
- Misunderstanding!
- Doing all the things is fulfilling but doing all the things is also exhausting.
- The thing that needs to be booked is still not booked.
- Being a highly sensitive person: blessing/curse/blessing/curse.
- I’m glad the cobwebs are clearing but raising all that dust is not fun at all.
The good.
- Spending last Friday in the cafe, having a day of Doing All The Things. Normally I take Fridays off but it’s such a miracle when a day of intense productive flow shows up that I took it. Happily.
- Then had a whole week like that. Seriously. It was the week of Doing All The Things. It is outrageous how much got done this week.
- Hannuka. Candles and brightness and singing and all the fried foods forever.
- My cousin Noah lives here now! He came over for latkes and Marisa came too and this was absolutely lovely.
- My very personal ad for de-cobwebbing turned out to be the best thing ever, because I have been moving out all the cobwebs, and it feels amazing! So much movement of stagnant energy.
- I rewrote the CRUMb, which is the pirate crew user manual, and it is a thousand billion trillion times better now. That was a gigantic project that I’ve been avoiding, and it felt really good to watch it transform. And then I rewrote the Entry Packet too.
- Fake Beach Day with Danielle!
- Having the dates!
- Discovering @SeinfeldToday on Twitter.
- The tea house.
- Writing out the entire story of the Tree of Life.
- Wednesday. I woke up Wednesday full of appreciation and gratitude for everything. Including every single aspect of The Hardest Thing that happened this year, and the crisis situation of the past several months. For everything. I knew I would be able to see the good eventually and now I do. Thank you for the barns, for the burning of the barns, for the ability to breathe through it, being able to get to the point of recognizing that this is okay.
- Loyal friends.
- A chance meeting a few months ago turned out to have planted the exact right thing at the exact right time.
- Feldenkreis class with Wally.
- The VICARAGE! I am the most brilliant person on the planet, and I have an escape plan and I am going to the vicarage and I don’t have to explain it unless I want to.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
Clearing out all the cobwebs.
Including cobwebs I didn’t know were cobwebs. Like updating my gravatar and twitter picture.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of remembering that I can make things fun and easy. As the starting point and not the ending point.
And the superpower of disconnecting from everyone else’s worry and reconnecting to my humming heart of tingle-joy.
From the archives.
Past-me is a genius, you guys.
I just found this post about tiny bits of wisdom while I was looking for something else.
And it is exactly what I needed to read for the Tree of Life situation and to resolve another thing I’m dealing with.
YAY me from July of 2008 who didn’t even know that she was writing for me of today.
Also this, from May of last year: LOVE HARDER!
See? I already knew the answer to this situation. Love harder, love more, fill up on love and radiate love, and then, yes, more love.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band:
Reaching For Glass Straws.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
Come to the class on TIME. It’s the prerequisite for the Year of Emptying and Replenishing (password: compass).
And it’s about all the things I’m passionately thinking about right now.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
Cheers, Chickeneers!
It was finals week. Just when I settle in to the rhythm of the semester, it changes. Extra emails. Extra office hours. Extra photocopying. Extra deadlines. Everyone around me carrying their extra stress. Last minute requests. I know it is coming yet it always sneaks up. I handled it better than most semesters, which is something. But it still wasn’t fun.
The Hard
– All The Hectic (it’s just one guy)
– dealing with the new project manager who hasn’t got a clue
– the breakout from hell
– kind of hating everything in my wardrobe
– running out of dishwasher soap so just about every dish in the house was dirty and on the counter
The Good
– shopping down town before High Tea with my girlfriends
– trying new recipes that actually turned out well (curried carrot soup! ginger turkey burgers!)
– cinnamon infused pinecones (also just one guy.)
– getting a massage
– acceptance notification to present at conference in Hawaii in April (and my work is going to pay for it)
– getting clear on [X]
Hallo Halloo Hallay chickeneers!
Thanks again Havi – for this space and for your amazing self. Sending bright bright sparkles your way.
A week a week another fast week.
Twas good.
On the whole.
I think.
Let’s see….
The Hard:
– mphtty rrmmphtty hard start to the writing week. words not coming… lost wanderings around in the NIP thinking… “what the HECK am I trying to DO here?”
– not being the … beacon of calm and compassion I dream of being. Meaning… snapping at someone and then feeling like a huge pile of crappola for said snapping.
– feeling like I should be some sort of island of calm that people can land on – and proceed to stomp all over – grrrrrrr!
– feeling SHOULDS in general. sigh.
The Good:
+ sticking WITH the writing and finding my way through to Joy Joy JOY again by Thursday and Friday. and I’m also realizing that even when things don’t seem to be going well, doing my “hours” is working at keeping the DREADS away. It’s like magic. Huzzah! I can actually just… walk away and let it go after I’ve done my hours. I can enjoy the rest of the day without that awful awful… feeling of… abject FAILURE I used to have all the time.
+ the morning routine/rituals are really working for me. love love love it!
+ walks in the snow.
+ having time for walks in the snow.
+ taking a rest hour on the couch. Not a real nap… but a relax at least. feels soooo good.
+ morning cuddles [ooh, i blush]
SUPERPOWERS…
I do not know if I had a superpower this week….
I did… I did…
I had the power of finding play [HOORAY!]
For the coming week I would like…
The superpower of the time-stretch [finding that PAUSE] that allows me to see what *someone* is really saying/feeling when it comes out all… aggressive-ey
hmm… yes… i am still aiming to find my way to the island of calm….yoik.
Happy weekend to you Havi – and to all the chickeneeeeeers!
Go easy -p
The hard:
I pretty much had zombie week.
Years of chronic illness, no denial there this week, too sick to work
Hard drive needs replacing
The second I start to get back to normal something like a hurricane or a crazy landlord abusive bonanza or a move happens and everything shuts down and nothing gets done.
New information about silent retreat made me feel so overwhelmed, frustrated, screwed
And now very sad about today, horrified, PTSD pretty triggered. So sad. Pretty frozen. I heard a skateboard go by in the dark and almost jumped out of my skin.
The good:
Practice at PTSD means I remember to interrupt it immediately if I can, and I’m finally ok w the fact that American-size doses of sugar work fastest for me (dr says it lets the adrenals stop freaking out when there is a lot of glucose in the blood stream)
The new information that upset me ultimately may help?
Cancelled appointments to rest
Made it to yin yoga : the 1 ritual I am committed to now
Made a Do Not Do list it is long!
The gluten free sticky bun I just ate has erased the frozen PTSD enough that I might now be able to do some shiva Nata or meditate
New writing space, took 5 hrs to tape back up all my notes and supports but it feels good now.
I had a war with a crap blender and I won
New moon wishes, feel grounded this month
Whoops, superpower I had:
Double stick tape. Understanding the power of the vibes and intentions of my workspace. Surrender. Good old fashioned human frailty.
Superpowes I want next week:
Creation. Bounce. Sovereignty indeed impermeability. Whoosh. Speedily channeling. Scorpionic focus : amputate anything that is not totally necessary.
This week had a lot of hard. It started on the hard and then–bam– it ended on the hard. Filled with lots of almost cried tears. Trying to remember that there are gifts in the hard that I’m not seeing yet or not appreciate… and trying to remember to hold on to the things I’ve learned see me through the hard.
The good… lots of hints that my business idea is good and will be profitable. Got 2 out of 3 new pages written. Already had two people ask about buying services that I haven’t launched yet… which is also a lot of pressure because there are only. A.COUPLE.OF.WEEKS.UNTIL.YEAR.END!!! I need words and time… and I know I’ll have to find the words even though I don’t have the time.
On the other hand, I finally managed to–mostly–lose a habit that was hurtful to me and to my ability to create and be productive in good, fun, fulfilling ways. AND I found my word for next year… plus my core feelings that make life feel happy and good.
Hello to all, love you all.
the hard:
-the news.
-chilly windy weather moved in
-snipign days with the husband
-feeling sick on tuesday night and getting no help at all or even allowed to go to bed. ended up yelling at the kids. very bad in every way
-snapped a few times this week
-money things that worry me.
the good:
-busy at work. feeling engaged and curious
-spent today xms shopping, almost done. all smiles, no arguments, plus nice lunch for th win
-the new moon! it feels cozy and optimistic.
-hit a place of bliss from pranayama the other day. wow
-i wrote a lil bit last week
-my yoga is deepening.
-started Flailing at Level 2. The bing is returing! and i’m getting bng! about how to deepen my practice
-lots more ambient happines in the house, despite a rocky start to the week
-putting up the tree and decorating it and how really nice and sweet that time was for all 4 of us.
What worked this week?
* Packing singles (for tips) and change (for meters).
* Acknowledging exhaustion and jettisoning original plans in spite of their fun-ness.
* My reciprocal membership to various museums and gardens.
Next time, I might:
* Pack: A cooler. An eraser. More blank CDs. A proper toothbrush holder, or an extra toothbrush.
Hard:
* Feeling bombarded by flipflops, with some boots-as-nunchucks in the mix.
* Not falling asleep even when I’m really, really tired.
* Anxiety about potential spoilage.
* Anxiety about next steps.
* Rejections.
Good:
* Generous, loving friends.
* My partner.
* Clients showing conscientiousness about compensation.
* Introducing/treating friends to favorite places/things.
* Larger toolbox for the effing flying footwear.
* Space for transitions.
A superpower I had this week: giving myself time. Time between talking to salespeople and deciding whether to buy or defer or not-choose the items in question. Time to listen to people wanting to help. Time to inhabit the here-now rather than the must-soons.
A superpower I want for next week: the ability to ask the right questions at the right time. And also the ability to find parking spaces.
Shabbat shalom, and warm wishes to all who want ’em.
My chicken is very tired, but still would like to play.
This worked: Compassionate communication.
Next time: I’ll build in even more refueling time.
A hard thing: [silent retreat]
A good thing: This evening with my daughter.
This week’s superpower: Comfort and solace.
Next week’s superpower: A sparkling force field.
I saw a beautiful little crescent moon tonight. I think it was smiling at me.
The hard:
Horrible hypoglycemia episode last Sunday which completely ruined most of the late afternoon + evening.
Which then lead onto insomnia that night.
So on Monday I was an utter zombie and so many things I’d be planning on doing didn’t get done.
Oh yes, and there was also a foul-up with the courier delivering my new phone, which resulted in spending an hour on the phone to various places to see what had happened. Which would’ve been super stressful anyway but on nowhere near enough sleep? There were tears.
Spending 40 minutes freezing my bootay off on a train platform bc of cancelled trains, and missing dance class as a result.
Years ago I stopped eating cream after feeling sick eating it. On Thursday I ate a creamey pasta sauce at the restaurant. So delicious, but I then spent 5 hours feeling sick and couldn’t eat anything else for 24 hours. Grim.
The points this week where it has felt like every bit of stuff I’ve ever had is coming up.
The good:
I have my new phone. I love it even more than I thought I would.
Instagram! So much fun!
Was given the most incredible bouquet of flowers by my sweetie.
Time hanging out with the sweetie, and awesome conversations.
Amazeballs coaching session. Stuff is moving!
An easy trip to the vet with Pumpkin, who is doing fine after her surgery.
Giving myself legitimacy to need some time to chill out after coming back from the vet’s.
Working at the restaurant is going well.
And I’m getting ready to introduce something new that I’m really excited about to my business, and all the stucknesses are just melting away. Melting!
Morning morning drinking tea + chatting with a friend.
Snuggling with the kitties.
What worked:
Giving myself legitimacy.
Dancing + yoga: feeling so good to be moving my body more again.
What I might play with differently:
Avoiding cream/food with lots of milk in it.
Check the train website for updates before going to the station.
Love to all! <3
Things that worked:
+ Continuing to start the day with F-W-I, and repeating whenever I can remember to.
+ The whole separating needs from strategies thing. SO HELPFUL.
+ Research. Especially regarding llamas.
+ Remembering that I enjoy and benefit from moving my ’desk’/writing area around. ”Change your place, change your luck” is the perfect reminder of this!
+ Noticing that I’m getting cold before I’m frozen down to the bone, and doing something about it.
+ Being brave(ish) and making decisions that move Project X forward.
+ Being really seriously brave about something else.
Learnings & Ideas:
> Don’t schedule two Events for a single day. Just don’t.
> Once-a-week is not a terribly good rhythm for me, for anything, really. Four days doesn’t seem to fit either. Three days…? Play with.
> Have a plan for post-Social Event destress. Preferably one minus the blue whales and dead fish (the octopi and the teddy bear can stay).
> Take the whole Cold! Winter! thing seriously, plan for it, including backup plans. Latest studies have found that ignoring it is not an effective strategy.
Unfun:
– Feelings of overwhelm and loss-of-control.
– Bravery not having the hoped-for results.
– Seasonal pressure stuff.
– The COLD and the DARK, but more the cold this week.
– Falling into the river with big holes in my pockets.
Appreciation for:
+ That one bafflingly wonderful morning when I woke super-early after not very much sleep, very well rested, and later had an intensely delicious dog-nap.
+ Surprisingly tasty taters. (It’s just one guy!)
+ Someone I hadn’t expected it of caring about something I care a lot about.
+ Fire.
+ My new TARDIS pen holder.
+ Wool that doesn’t itch.
+ Meeting M’sieur le Comte de Brieff. Enchantée!
Superpower I had this week: Courage.
Superpower I want for the next: OVERSIKT. (overview, clarity, , seeing-the-big-picture, seeing-from-up-high, keeping-track-of, knowing-where-everything-is)
dear havi,
thank you for your wonderful work and recent post on ptsd and elizabeth, thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing about sugar/adrenal levels…i have been working on this stuff for years without knowing that, and had been beating myself up for using sugar in emergency situations…
information is so empowering!
hard start to the week, climbing out by hauling on overtired muscles with a heavy heart…
good: superb advice from a friend to go blog hunting for positive reads/views
superpowers: reculer pour mieux sauter/retreat to regain momentum, giving love where it is welcome, making art, having a sense of humour 😉
all good wishes
birds sing artblog
Busy week! We had multiple appointments every day but one, plus I committed to doing a certain number of pomodoros daily to address the iguanas. The first part of the week was productive. Wednesday was epic! Four hours of iguana activity! Some thing became iguanas because of the amount of time and energy they needed, and I made great progress on them. Thursday we had no appointments and I gave myself the day off from pretty much everything, except pomodoros. Then I got sick-ish and went to bed and have been sleeping a lot since. Feeling okay when awake and simply needing way more sleep than usual.
The good:
+ Getting so much done. That felt good.
+ Talked to people I haven’t seen for a while.
+ Travel plans for January developing.
+ Wearing my favorite garment a lot. It’s colorful and comfortable.
+ The voice of Vica Pota (incoming me).
The hard:
– Running out of energy/needing to sleep when there was so much still to do, not just iguanas but ordinary activities.
– I need new words to communicate with the dentist so he understands what I want to tell him.
– thanks to me being “Sleepy Baby”, we missed a party that we really wanted to go to.
Work that begets more work.
Superpower I had this week: loving detachment.
Superpower I want next week: grounded enthusiasm and the ability to transmit that to others.
What worked?
+ Getting up every morning and doing a little stretch and a little writing.
+ Organizing my Things that need Doing as soon as I arrive in the Place for Things that need Doing.
What do I take into next week?
+ More time dancing with this idea (it’s sort of a slow waltz) of needing a safe place wherein to think and feel. WOuld sort of prefer it if that safe place didn’t continue to be a randomly selected time between 2 and 5 in the morning.
The Hard:
+ Falling apart last Saturday. Knowing it was part of reconstruction, but still hard.
+ Things that need Doing were hard, hard, hard
+ Being so darn ALONE
+ The Bear showing tiny signs of sliding on Wednesday
The Good:
+ Talking to Slightly Future Me Wednesday morning – and getting something she wanted me to have before the day ended
+ I came across the Hello, Day post just in time to try saying Hello, Day on Friday – and it was beautiful. I asked for love and support, and had a very nice conversation with my father.
+ Things that need Doing came together very well on Friday.
Cheers!
Cluck cluck
This week huh?
Things that worked…
* My new house, my new town, my new proximity to my support network, new systems, everything I’ve set up over the last couple of months HELD when I needed it to. Endorsement by synchronicity and ease. YES!
* Reaching out despite the shyness (hello shyness, here’s a blankie) and PEOPLE COMING TO SEE ME!!!!!!! zomg. mind. blown.
Ironic sparkler lessons…
* Don’t open nasty little notes you know are just nasty.
* Or if you do, just see a little foot-stomping four year old in pain acting out and feel compassion.
* And then you will be able to draw clear boundaries in a clean way without getting into shouting and arguments which lead to name calling and horribleness. Because that’s no fun.
Hard things….
– hot weather
– getting hot under the collar, letting the rage and pain burn away everything that was fantasy and untruth
– technical challenges
– flaking out on a couple of important things and feeling disappointed in myself
– stomach bugs
– recovery takes a long time, and even longer for my skinny Little Lad who has nothing to spare for illness or recovery.
Good things….
+ my new life. It fits me so well. THANK YOU EVERYTHING. Especially my mum. 🙂
+ working on your stuff really makes a difference! I was able to burn without suffering. It was necessary. So okay. Let it burn.
+ damn good role-models! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU EVERYTHING. Especially my [living-lesson].
+ support to ground into.
+ more people left in my life than I would have expected…….
+ a clear vision for 2013. Life porpoise!!
+ technical hitches getting resolved…. slowly slowly…
+ making space really works. It can be hard as hard as hard as hard, but once it’s done there is SPACE for the good to come in.
xoxoxox
Brilliant. I want to play. New here (lucky me) but not to this process (I don’t think).
WHAT WORKED:
Doing NOTHING on Sunday: no to-do lists, no “shoulds”, just good old fashioned nothingness
Cleaning out P’s dresser drawers. He said it was worth $10,000 to him. I told him he could buy me some chocolate.
Applied to teach my online class in a classroom setting. Check ?
Went on an adventure with P to find a tree. Have had the lights ON ever since.
Got more clarity about a commission (commissions in general for that matter) I am currently painting.
Broke out in song over happy lunch hour with my sister
Caught up with a good friend over good food
Found new blogs to follow (Tag. You’re IT)
Mailed a package of handmade holiday gifts out to my family (nope. never been THIS early)
Thought of my creative commitment for January: 31 variations of milkweed!
Had an awakening about an extremely tense and anxious challenge I have been having for a LONG while now. Might be able to see it as an opportunity to grow up (get stronger on the inside)
WHAT HASN’T BEEN WORKING:
Obsessing about this current challenge in my life. Thinking about it before I go to bed, waking up thinking about it. In the scheme of MY LIFE it is just a pee-on from an intellectual standpoint. But from an emotional one, it is whoopin’ my butt. Trying all the usual tools to diffuse the energy but have never created a superpower. I want one NOW.
Thanks for the post and for all your additions. Until NEXT time.
Kari