Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
What worked?
A change of scenery.
As we say in Hebrew: change your place, change your luck.
Or: Change your location, change your fortune.
Anyway, it can be useful.
This week it was VERY useful.
Next time I might…
Even more entry.
Changing location requires preparation. Conscious entry. Preparing for the voyage.
Really think about what I want from the experience.
Remember that travel always reveals Stuff.
Sometimes in the form of memories. Sometimes it’s just a matter of feeling disjointed, needing more time than expected to really arrive.
The hard, challenging and mysterious.
- All the [rhymes with headlines] are here.
- So many things I want to be doing, but well-rested is the only well that matters right now.
- Noise
- Giving up on things.
- Reconfiguring and adjusting.
- Oh boy, this is new.
- I need a phrase that means “I need some time to myself (because HSP!), and this has nothing to do with you, person I love and adore!”
- Travel.
- Exhaustion.
- Wanting.
- Fear.
- Some news that was very much not what I’d hoped for.
- A giant project that seemed like it would never be done.
- The Mystery of Too Many Baskets And I Don’t Like Any Of Them.
- The Mystery of What If There Is No Perfect Simple Solution Or: Why Can’t I Find One When I Need One So Very Badly?
- The Mystery of People With Machines That Beep.
- The Mystery of If I Know I’m Hypersensitive To Noise, Why Do I Not Have Earplugs With Me At All Times.
- My pain. Someone else’s pain. These pieces of pain interacting.
- New perspective.
The good, reassuring and delights.
- Quiet.
- Peacefulness.
- Perspective.
- Being here now.
- Sweetness.
- Perfect simple solutions exist.
- Trust.
- Amazing communication.
- A gorgeous unsweetened acai smoothie that was the best damn thing ever, at exactly the moment that I needed something to be the best damn thing ever.
- Sun salutations on the beach, covered in sand.
- Sun salutations in a park, inside of a circle of palm trees.
- Long meandering walks.
- Happy laughter.
- Operation Snack Time.
- Agents in Agency.
- Operation Serenity and the new compass. Serenity. Emptying. Replenishing. Ease. Newness. Insight. Trust. Yes.
- The word INSIGHT is also: in sight…
- What if the things I want are in sight and I am not seeing them? But I could see them if I got used to the idea that they were already here…
- Troosie knows best.
- Finished the big project.
- Also was able to send out the Y.E.A.R.book, and I am really, really pleased with it.
- Adding lemon to the water.
- Sage really does make everything better.
- Tiny miracles.
- I feel happy, despite the various situations, and despite all the Stuff. Just happy.
- Unconditional.
- Trust is west.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of loving. As in: I may not like situation X but I love that I am interacting with it consciously. Or: I may not like experience Y but I can still be full of love.
And a superpower I want next week.
More of the same please.
Salve.
This week’s salve is the salve of meshaneh makom meshaneh mazal. Change your place, change your fortune.
It allows for tiny but meaningful shifts in perspective, moving you slightly over this way, adjusting a little that way. Suddenly you realize there is a more comfortable place (or way) to sit. Suddenly everything is a little bit lighter.
It smells the tiniest bit of berries, and it glows.
These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory has delivered enough to me to distribute by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is:
Fawn Do Fondue Fond Ooh.
They’re kind of avant garde, and their songs involve a lot of shouting in French. This is not my favorite band because they’re kind of discordant, but what a great name, right?
And yes: it turns out that it’s actually just one guy…
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. ANNOUNCEMENT.
You guys!
We made a Rally Care Package!
Actually, we made only three of them.
You can get them (and what’s left of the other goodies leaving the shop) on the newly updated Sail of Emptying page.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
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Hi, Havi! I love this week’s salve. I had a sampler of it, and sat on the front porch (aka Outdoor Refueling Station) and it was magical.
I needed magic this week. There has been drama. There has been emergency rooms, falling and not being able to get up, 911 calls, scary situations, and, well, just drama.
There have been mechanical failures and equipment failures and technology failures.
There has been paperwork.
There has been sunshine and there has been rain (Isn’t that a line from a song?) and I’ve loved all of it.
There have been fun teaching experiences and the excitement of learning.
There has been activity and movement and completions, and if I’m not yet unstuck on All the Things, I’m a lot closer than I was.
The superpower I had this week was Listening to Myself and Giving Myself What I Need.
There was hard but there has been a lot of good, as I fill the Well of Care.
Oh Friday.
The Mysterious.
Seeing the Boy. After all these years. And having it be the same and not the same. And having to remember not to go back. The barns aren’t there anymore. But oh, to just bask in the place where the barns were for a little bit, and cling to him for a few moments. And then let go.
The Good.
Kisses. Kisses are always good.
Letting go. Saying goodbye.
Moving forward and on and past and through.
Songs and poems of people who’ve been here.
Seeing other possibilities.
Making other plans.
Putting down the shield and the sword.
The Hard.
Letting go.
Oh, man, I need ‘a phrase that means “I need some time to myself (because HSP!), and this has nothing to do with you, person I love and adore!”’ TOO!
I know Sherlock would just say it. But I can’t. Havi, if you come up wtih something, I’ll be thrilled.
Also, LOVE for the Y.E.A.R. book. LOVE!
Hulloooo Chickeneers!
Ooh a most excellent salve, Havi. Thank you muchly for this.
The week the week the week of the hard hard. The explosive poison reaction. And the raging raging. And then…the hard retreat into silence and sadness and guilt…and the feeling that I might never find my way back…
But the good…was there in the silence. The time to think and sort. The willingness of us both to forgive…and let rest this thing that is many things.
And we will still need to find our way.
Yes.
But tonight, tasty food and a movie.
And that will be enough.
Be well Chickeneers.
Thank you for the ear.
Go easy ~ p
What worked? Sketching out Plan T hour by hour.
What about next time? Consult with Slightly Future Me about her reading and research habits.
Hard:
* sunscreen vs. stinging eyes vs. skin breaking out
* need new prescription glasses
* Texas Senate, WTF
* not in mood to absorb bitchiness/snottiness/defensiveness from [redacted]
Good:
* a day on the water with a good group of moped-heads
* the satisfaction of betting against 14 other people and winning (thank you Michal Przysiezny!)
* wily and stubborn Texas Democrats FTW!
* a friend donated to Tennessee Equality Project in my honor
* put a birthday box, a letter, and a postcard into today’s mail. Made the postcard from a birthday card given to my mom 20 years ago.
In da haus: superpowers of giving myself space and recognizing what I want.
On deck: superpower of drawing lines.
Warm wishes to all y’all!
Hooray and shabat shalom everyone!
This week was HOT, sunny and at times smoky. It was also birthday week, so YEA!
what worked this week: White Flowers! Well Rested. Well Fed. Superpower of Knowing what I need and doing it for myself (an important Well). Making a plan for my birthday that did not involve depending on husband
next week: more White Flower days. more rest and LOTS more movement
the hards:
-the hot was a challenge at times. my lawni is crunchy!
-that kitchen just keeps getting dirtier…
-migraines! suck
-1K worth of car repair
-missing ALL Summer Solstice shenanigans due to car
-one of the puppies got under my skin. it itched for a few days.
the sparkle!
-it’s my birthday! gifts, pets, hugs, kind words, dinner with Amelia at hacienda, wher i’ve longed to go for years.
-clarity and peace with a coven issue
–kinda love this weather. feel optimistic and enchanted
-things are good with hsuband and i
-new toys!
-dinner at Cholon which was like porno sex. Duck egg rolls! Slamon crudo with chili oil and avocado! swoon
-thinking i’m finally seeing my body’s appearance shift due to the interval trianing
-my Playground spray arrived!!! joy!!!
-enchantment
-being okay with what is not happening
-taking a break. stopping. resting. eating well. being in the sun. walking in the evening. this is a good life
-digging in at work at a deeper level. challenges coming up but meeting them. White FLowers help this!!
Week? Week? Hey there, week, before you slip into the ether, come here and set a spell.
Hard stuff:
–Tensions and stresses causing both the Samurai and me to fall into our stuff at times, and then to get set off by each other’s stuff. (And yet, I think we’re both getting better at recognizing this, which helps.)
–My car needed four new tires, new rear brake shoes, and a new front parking light to pass inspection. That all cost money I would rather not have needed to spend.
–While my car was in the shop, I borrowed the Samurai’s truck — only to have the drive shaft unexpectedly eject itself from the vehicle while I was driving down the interstate. Any warning signs there might have been were camouflaged by the torrential thundering downpour that I had just been driving through. It had just cleared up, I had just begun to breathe a sigh of relief, and then — thunk!
–I knocked a beloved vintage waffle iron off the kitchen table, waffle and all, in front of a room full of houseguests. Thankfully, the waffle iron does not appear to have been appreciably damaged, but aaaarrrrrrgh!
Good stuff:
–Spirosketch jewelry set! The bracelet will not fit over the broadest part of my hand, but so what? I can just put it on a long silver chain, where it shines like crystal, and I have a two-tiered pendant effect.
–Adventures in softness and subtlety.
–Breathtakingly sweet sessions with music therapy clients.
–I stood my ground in an argument. I also released the craving to receive an apology — and then, when the apology actually came, I was able to embrace it gently, as a grace-filled gift.
–Daily playful texting with my daughter, who is visiting her grandmother this week.
What worked? Compassing really helped in those moments when I needed to remember myself.
Next time I might… Conduct more. Take mini-retreats to an imaginary seaside cottage, and swim in the imaginary sea. Stretch.
This week’s superpower: Soothing touch.
Next week’s superpower: Expansion. The stretch that makes all things new, that makes all things possible.
Oh this week. Let’s pause (paws!) before you disappear, and review:
What worked?
Giving myself hours of time alone and in silent retreat mode
Next time I might try:
Just walking away.
Challenges:
– My birthday. I have so much stuff and stuckness around my birthday, and gifts, and parties etc etc.
– Tears that never seemed to stop flowing. Crying out of exhaustion, for past me, for current me, crying to balance out the recent times when I had to be the rock while everyone else got to melt down…
– The ongoing issue with [silent retreat]. Same crazy sh*t. New candy coating.
– Feeling swept down the river instead of surfing it.
– Birthday’s seem to bring out the worst patterns with my family. More tears, more disappointments.
– Indecision and feeling the distances.
The good:
– I discovered my brain operates on software that contains a form of synesthesia! This explains so many things about me that I previously thought of as weaknesses. (such as why I have such trouble integrating calendar dates with “regular” numbers) Also, I found a picture drawn by someone else that replicates almost exactly the way I conceptualize a year of time (with dimensional space and visuals)!
– My birthday was significantly easier and better than last year.
– Brushing the dog, while time consuming, was a satisfying activity
– Reaching out to a few people for help, and making plans for tea dates next week.
Superpower I had this week: Cat-like powers of napping and solitude
Superpower I’m invoking for this week: Shiny, impermeable boundaries.
@Havi, Thank you for this wonderful salve!
And now … Cluck buh-Kawk!
This week’s hard:
– Didn’t get much gardening in due to the heat and then thunderstorms.
– A few bouts with the “You’ll Never Get This Cleaned Up” monsters and their friends.
– Another week I forgot to reschedule a doctor’s appointment.
This week’s good:
– Productive declutter call-ins with two fellow clutter-bugs. Includes:
— The Qualities Play, Coooolness, Focus, Artfulness, Creativity, Toe-Tapping, Joy, Color.
— Passing along some of what I have learned about decluttering, especially dealing with your Mom’s and Dad’s Stuff.
— Started a basement cleanout so I can have some work done there including painting, furnace, leak repairs, etc. (Target for complete emptying: end of November.)
— Cleaned off the bed in my second bedroom, re-discovering February Rally(!) notes and tools which I am going to take on the beach trip in two weeks. Plus the bed is cleared and ready for beach-packing!
– Sewed some pillow shams/covers out of towels, these are really comfy and you can pick your own colors. Yum!
– The Heat has finally eased off and it is not so humid, either.
Superpowers this week: Remembering to Compass. Finding an unexpected ability to listen carefully.
Superpowers for next week: Packing early & paying the bills before our trip. (These sound mundane but they really are not!)
Happy chicken, everyone.
So just *reading* Havi lately (and being part of Y.E.A.R.) has triggered a Shivanaut-esque epiphany. A big one. I think it’s been building for awhile, in tiny seeds and sparks, but this week it bloomed in a big, showy, Hellooo-It’s-June-and-I’m-the-Pinkest-Boldest-Rose-in-the-Rose-City way.
So anyway: this week’s epiphany-tinted Chicken:
What worked:
Emptying, emptying, emptying. In order to replenish and LAUNCH! soon, emptying and realigning and sometimes burning whatever is not longer congruent. This manifested itself in my own Sail of Emptying, which was so, SO the right idea.
What I might try next time:
Doing this sooner. More boldly. With more confidence and more trusting of Instinctual Me. She really knows her stuff. Also, creating more and stronger containers for time. I kept missing the window all week.
Mysteries:
• Was hoping to LAUNCH! on Monday, but realized early on that it’s not going to happen, and I wouldn’t be ready even if it did. It’s not like I told anyone about it, or that it was a hard-and-fast date, but I still feel like I blew a [rhymes with “headline”].
• Hot nights in late June = open windows + neighbors blowing things up in the middle of the night. SO sleep-deprived and zombie-ish and HULKSMASH every day this week.
• There are no strawberries! Where are the strawberries?! Not in this house, that’s where.
• The finished product not matching the version in my brain. Again. Actually, pretty much always.
• Trying to control when I’m invisible and when I’m “out there” and sometimes getting the opposite of the desired effect.
• Not getting picked for the dodgeball team, again. This is a proxy, but only just.
• Running out of time. Again and again.
Delights:
• Sketch date with a friend last Sunday. BEST DAY EVER.
• Friend and I followed our instincts that day, and were greeted with the most rare, perfect, beautiful surprises. Further proof that Instinctual Me and Instinctual We know what they’re doing!
• So tantalizingly close to LAUNCH! I’m excited, and it shows, so everyone has been commenting on my glow lately.
• Put out a LAUNCH! teaser this week, and got TONS of interested responses.
• I let a select few trusted friends in on the secret, and they were even more excited than I am—that felt great.
• Hillbilly Air Conditioning (translation: box fan placed in open cellar door) feels delicious.
• So much Wham-Boom this week!
• Doing better with setting up *realistic* time containers.
Superpower this week:
The Glow!
Superpower I’d like next week:
The power of Nothing Distracts My Laser Beam.
Happy chicken and bouquets of June roses to everyone!